If you feel the urge to defend yourself, don't. Defense feels logical. But in arguments, defense is a status loss.
The moment that you defend, you accept the other person's frame. That you're the one who needs to explain yourself. So, I'm going to give you five replacements that keep control without escalating.
Number one, let's slow this down. What specifically are you reacting to here? Number two, when you say that, what are you assuming about my intent?
Number three, let's deal with this one point at a time. Which one matters most? Four, that is a conclusion.
Walk me through how you got there. And five, what would need to change here for this to feel resolved for you? Here's the rule underneath all of those things.
Defense hands away your authority. Questions quietly take it back. So, if you stop defending, most arguments will collapse on their own.
