So… listen to this… I thought I knew just how good Yaya Touré was… I mean, in 2014, he played pretty much the perfect season… He was a box to box midfielder, who would track back, win the ball and bring it 60 yards up the pitch but while most would just set up a teammate… Yaya tended to finish the job himself… he scored 20 league goals… For some perspective, that is substantially more than Firmino, Hazard or Dzeko ever scored… In fact, even guys like Torres or Rooney only managed to outdo that once or twice across their entire careers… but… I already knew that… what completely blew my mind and made me realize that even I was underestimating how unbelievable he had been… was when I noticed that over that same season, he did not miss one single big chance… absolute zero… he scored those 20 goals from just 27 shots on target… if you’re not into stats, let me tell you that shouldn’t even be remotely possible… If you gather the numbers of all the greatest finishers the Premier League has seen ever since then… the 8 golden boot winners missed, on average, 16 big chances in each of their that no one really talks about it? Why do Aguero, Kompany and David Silva all have statues outside the Etihad, when according to Yaya, even back in 2014, they didn’t even get him a cake on his birthday… no wonder he ended up putting a curse on Man City… he was always being ignored… as Nasri said: “If Yaya was Brazilian, they’d call him the best player in the world”. .
. But… honestly, it wasn’t just that… it wasn’t just that his name lacked some of that glamor… Yaya’s career was a complete rollercoaster… I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this… but Guardiola kind of hates him, he literally refuses to talk to him… and though Pep is not exactly unproblematic, just ask Eto’o or Zlatan… let me give you a quick piece of advice… If a player ever seems to be acting crazy, just go look for his agent… they’re like the devil on their left shoulder… and Dimitry Seluk, he is definitely the first person to blame for all that happened to Yaya… Had it not been for him, I promise you Yaya would have made it to a top club way before turning 25… there was no reason why he should’ve been such a late bloomer… You see, back when Yaya was still only Kolo’s younger brother… Jean Marc Guillou, a retired French international, decided to build an academy in the Ivory Coast and once Kolo heard of this on the radio, he decided that was his ticket to Europe, so he did everything to get in… In fact, many big names came out of there… Eboué, Gervinho, Kalou, Zokora… but ironically, Yaya, the biggest of all, only ended up there because his brother took him… filling the coaches ears with tales of a “younger brother, already taller and more skilled than me”. .
. something the coaches doubted at first, because, after all, Kolo himself was very talented, but obviously, when he finally joined in and started playing… they all became believers… as one coach said: “It all just came so easy for Yaya”. .
. in fact, at 18, he would already be moving to Europe, while his older brother was still stuck back there… With Jean Marc investing a lot of money on Belgian club, Beveren, Yaya was one of the first to get a move there but though initially he was so scared that he claimed that “everytime I entered the pitch it felt like every other player was gigantic”. .
. 2 years later, he was already getting a trial at Arsenal… Between the fact that Jean Marc had literally given Arsene Wenger his first ever managing job 25 years earlier and that by then Kolo, who had stayed behind, had somehow joined Arsenal and quickly become one of the main men at the club, it was hard to deny the kid a chance… and though he greatly disappointed in the one match he played with an Arsenal shirt, missing an open goal and leading Wenger to describe his performance as “completely average”. .
. the coaching staff insisted that he had “the build and languid touch of Patrick Vieira”. .
. so they tried to sign him regardless… but then Dimitry showed up… You see, the only thing delaying his move to Arsenal was the fact that, at the time, Yaya had never played for his national team, which meant that instead of getting VIP treatment and pretty much skipping the line… he would have to wait for his work visa like any other person… but, though, the club assured him it was a matter of time and that they’d get it handled as soon as possible… Dimitry came in and somehow convinced him to pass on all of that, to instead sign with Metalurh Donetsk… Kolo told him it was a bad idea, Wenger said the same… everyone did, but there was something about Dimitry that made Yaya trust him blindly… I don't know if you realized this, but he literally named his son Dimitri… that's how much he admired him… In fact, the trust he put in him was such that he pretty much allowed him to pull the same stunt again… Two years later, with his notoriety as “The New Patrick Vieira” growing exponentially as he became a regular at the national team… Didier Drgba promised him he could get him a move to Chelsea and instead… he went with whatever Dimitry said and joined Olympiacos instead… and even once there, though things went, honestly incredibly well… pairing up with an aging Rivaldo to beat Real Madrid in his first ever Champions League campaign, then winning the league and cup double, making it to the final of the African Cup Of Nations and earning his first world cup call up… by the end of the season, Olympiacos were so tired of dealing with Dimitry, that they offered to triple Yaya’s salary as long as he got rid of the guy… and you know what he did? As Dimitry himself told it “He packed his suitcase and left the club the very next day”.
. . Obviously, after that, Olympiacos was forced to sell him but even with more interest than ever… he ended up at AS Monaco… who, despite having played a Champions League final two years earlier, were sitting second to last in ligue 1 only 10 matches into Yaya’s time at the club, which was especially aggravating given that Lazlo Boloni refused to play him in his preferred position… but for once, sacking a coach that had barely even gotten to know the squad, proved to be the best idea… With Boloni being sent out the door right then and there, and Yaya blossoming instantly, going on a run of 4 goals and 3 assists in 6 matches, quickly getting Monaco out of the relegation zone and leaving them only 6 points off of the top 4, by the end of the season, leading FIFA themselves to publish an article titled “Yaya, the rock of Monaco”, claiming it was “hard to imagine him not making it to the very top”.
. . And just as they said that… Yaya became the first ever Ivorian player to sign for Barcelona… but again, as things sounded hopeful… with Yaya quickly establishing his place in the team, being named in the African Cup Of Nations team of the tournament for the first time and even scoring to put Barcelona in the Champions League semi finals… then Rijkaard was sacked and replaced with Guardiola….
and from that moment things really took a turn… First of all, right upon arrival, Pep brought Busquets up from the B team and out of nowhere, if Yaya wanted a place in the starting eleven, he was forced to play center back… but even if Barcelona would experience never before seen levels of success, taking all 6 trophies in a year… Even if the man himself was okay with doing what he had to do and in fact, did it so well that he earned himself a Ballon D’Or nomination… Dimitry didn’t like it… and so there he went, tap dancing on his shoulder, wreaking havoc with outrageous statements and rumored transfers to Juventus and City… in fact, he went as far as claiming that “Yaya would never sign for a small club like City” which is just ironic… Regardless, by his third season, these ideas began getting to Yaya, his relationship with Pep began to deteriorate and allegedly, it got to the point where Guardiola lost his cool and yelled at him in the middle of the locker room, saying: “Are you a man or a puppet? Who 's in charge? You or the agent?
”. . .
And from that moment on… well. . as Yaya said: “He pretty much ignored me until the day I left… For the rest of the year, I did not speak to Guardiola.
I want to talk, I want to stay, but he had no faith left in me”. . .
meaning that by June, he was being informed that he was allowed to leave… And so… after a good performance at the world cup, which saw him nearly take the Ivory Coast to the knockout stages for the first time in their history… even with Arsenal looking to undo their mistake and secure his signing… Yaya chose to sign with “small club” Man City instead… But don’t get it wrong, this was 2010 Man City… The Sheik had only arrived 2 years earlier and despite signing Tevez, Robinho, Adebayor and a bunch more… they were not even close to winning a title, they hadn’t even played Champions League football… but then… Mancini paired Yaya up with David Silva and all of that changed… not only did they finish third in the league, but in the FA Cup… Yaya went ballistic, dragging them to the semi finals… and completely shaking up the city’s power dynamic… scoring the goal that would take down Man United… as he told it himself: “That goal was a message…. A message that if United came in our way, we would simply remove them”. .
. and if that wasn’t epic enough, a month later he again scored the only goal in the final to end Man City’s 35 year trophyless run on his very first season… becoming the first midfielder in over a decade to win the African Player Of The Year award… and the next year it was more of the same… After getting within inches of taking the African Cup Of Nations, yet again losing the final on penalties… Yaya refused to experience that same fate at club level, so with 3 matches left and 3 points separating City from leaders Man Utd… he decided to take matters into his own hands… and in the very next, precisely the Manchester Derby, he put down a performance that had every football analyst’s jaw on the floor, taking on a midfield of Scholes, Park and Carrick all by himself and leaving them gasping for air, allowing City to take the win and match them on points… then preceding to score both of their goals against Newcastle and finishing off the season by assisting the opener against… Queens Park Rangers… Had QPR not turned the game around, allowing Aguero to score maybe the greatest last minute goal in the history of football… Yaya would be the one remembered as the man who led City to their first title in 44 years… but, as you may have noticed, fate wasn’t usually kind to him… Regardless, it was what it was and in the end, Yaya still secured another African Player of the year award… in fact, even after a more forgettable season, with his only trophy being a community shield… he still managed to tie Eto’o’s record, making it three in a row… but if… with Yaya turning 30 that year, you could be inclined to theorize that he was declining… you were god damn wrong… The next year, Pellegrini took over and for the first time ever, someone actually fully understood Yaya… Instead of tying him down as a “holding midfielder”, he gave him complete freedom, handing a box to box role, in fact, often even handing him the captain’s armband and suddenly Yaya became a real life cheat code… I’m talking about the kind of player who, over that whole season, put in more tackles than Kolarov, won more balls back than Zabaleta, completed more passes than Fernandinho and Milner put together, got as many assists as David Silva and somehow, on top of that, kept banging in goals week in, week out… to the point that, when Aguero himself got injured, without letting go of any of his other… let’s call it responsibilities… he took over as the team’s main goalscorer, smashing in 11 goals over those 15 matches… eventually finishing the season as the team’s top scorer as well… taking City to their second ever league title and becoming only the second ever midfielder to hit 20 Premier League goals in a single season… and let’s just say, the other was Lampard, he wasn’t exactly leading the team for ball recoveries back in his day… Regardless, believe it or not, even with another Ballon D’Or nomination, none of that was enough to get him the league’s player of the year award… and sure Luis Suárez had an incredible… but what truly made this a sad moment for Yaya is that he didn’t even come second, that was Eden Hazard… He had put down the midfield performance of the century and no one cared… not even his record 4th African Player Of The Year award in a row was enough to soothe his pain… after all, no one really seemed to consider him the greatest african player in history, not even the greatest ivorian… and over time it got to him and it all led to the famous birthday cake incident… where Dimitry came out defending him, telling the press that: “When City won the league, they had a 100 pound cake to celebrate, but on Yaya’s birthday, there was nothing, they didn’t even bother to shake his hand”. .
. Even worse, the following season, with Aguero back and Yaya’s goals tally dropping back to normal, the fans began criticizing him, forcing him to remind everyone that “I am a midfielder. It is not my job to score goals”, and even if the national team again brought him some joy, as he led them to the AFCON title on his first tournament as captain, with Drgba now retired… then he was immediately dealt another blow, losing out on the opportunity to take an historic 5th African Player Of The Year award, being snubbed for Aubameyang and unfortunately that was the only the beginning of the end… Ever since his 24 million pounds move to City, Dimitry had gone a bit insane, every transfer window, he’d bring up a million rumors, he always seemed to be pinning Yaya against the club, it was absurd… but the next season, the unimaginable happened…Guardiola himself began being linked with City and Dimitry went berserk… at one point, even saying that “Even my grandfather would have won titles with Barcelona and Bayern, that doesn't make you a great manager”.
. . but regardless, it happened, by July, there he was… Guardiola had taken command and with Yaya somehow not leaving despite Dimitry not shutting up all summer… once the season started… he was not called up for any of the first eleven games and then he wasn’t even registered for the Champions League, with Guardiola demanding an apology, only for Dimitry to double down, claiming that he was “humiliating his client” and saying that “If Guardiola wants war, he can have one”… only for Yaya for once to ignore him and apologize for everything on his facebook page… But even if that allowed him to rejoin the team… and eventually even renew his contract for a further year… then, even with several key players injured, he still wasn’t getting any decent gametime, which made everyone wonder why they even bothered renewing the contract… and eventually, Yaya got so frustrated that Dimitry claimed he would be willing to sign for any of the clubs in the top 6 for only 1 pound a week… but no one seemed to wanna get in on this mess so once May came around and Yaya finally left the club… it all exploded… with Yaya accusing Guardiola of being racist, telling the press: “He insists he doesn’t have a problem with black players, but he has problems with Africans wherever he goes… He likes to treat players like they are his things… but I am not a thing, I will not be an obedient boy licking his hand.
The other players won’t admit it in public but they all hate him because he is a manipulator… he is too proud, he wants to succeed, but only with his players, those he chose himself, not the ones who were there before him”. . .
and then, for the cherry on top, his agent came out and warned Man City that “I know many shamans will not let Guardiola win the Champions League, they’ll put an african curse on him. Time will show you I’m right”. .
. And one thing is sure, the years went by, billions were spent and nothing… To be fair, Yaya’s career turned out even worse, getting his contract terminated 5 matches after his comeback to Olympiacos and then retiring after only a few matches in China… but the funny thing in all of this, is that while people now laugh at the “curse” and all, since Guardiola literally just won the Champions League with City… Well… actually, that only made things more freaky, because right after they made it past the quarter finals, Dimitry showed up one final time to tell the press that “It is time for the bitterness to stop, I can say that the spell has now been lifted”. .
. .
