If you're a regular viewer of this channel, you probably have aspirations to do well in life. However, to do that, you need to separate yourself from the crowd. After all, if you do what 99% of people do, you'll just get the same results as 99% of people.
But if you want to be in the top 1%, you have to do things a little differently. And there's a skill I'm going to share with you that absolutely needs to be developed and mastered in order to achieve that. First we need to go back to the year 1970, where a Stanford professor named Walter Mischel conducted one of the most famous psychological studies.
Through this experiment, Mischel and his team stumbled upon what I believe is one of the most important factors required to achieve success in any life domain. Whether it's related to health, money, work, or relationships. This one factor is what separates the successful from the average joe.
The experiment went like this: The researchers enrolled children aged between 4 and 5 years old, and sat them down individually in a private room. Then a marshmallow was presented and placed in front of each child. The researcher told the child that she's going to briefly leave the room, but that she'll be back soon.
But before she left, she gave the child a choice. She told them: "You can eat the marshmallow now. Or.
. . if you don't eat it until I come back, you can have another one.
" The researcher then left the room and made the child wait for roughly 15 minutes. It was a seemingly simple choice to make. One marshmallow right away, or two marshmallows later.
But when you're 5 years old, this is equal to torture. Many children ate the marshmallow the moment the researcher left the room. Others resisted for a while, bouncing in their chair, trying to restrain themselves, but eventually gave in to temptation just minutes later.
However a select few managed to wait for the whole 15 minutes and they were able to enjoy 2 marshmallows once the researcher returned. This experiment was later known as the Marshmallow Test. But this isn't where it ended.
The interesting part came years later. As the children grew up, the researchers followed up on them to see where they ended up. They tracked them for over 40 years and the results were fascinating.
The children who were willing to wait for the whole 15 minutes, instead of giving into their temptations right away, ended up having higher grades, were less likely to abuse drugs, were healthier and less likely to become obese, had better social skills, and performed better in a multitude of other life areas. The answer was conclusive. The children who were able to delay gratification, were the ones who got ahead in life.
And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. If you're able to save a portion of your income, rather than spend it all on luxuries and immediate wants, you'll save more money and you can retire earlier. If you opt for healthy foods and exercise, rather than indulging in a lazy and unhealthy lifestyle, you'll feel better over the long run.
If you study diligently and read more books, instead of opting for the quick fix of scrolling through social media, you'll be smarter and have more options in the future. There are many more examples, but basically it shows that thinking long term, instead of short term, will get you further in life. But wait a minute.
The participants of the Marshmallow Test were children. And if the ones who waited for the 2nd marshmallow became successful, all the while those who didn't wait became average, wouldn't that mean that the ability to delay gratification is actually a pre-determined trait that we're either born with or not? We actually got the answer to this question through another study that took place at Rochester university.
They tried to replicate the Marshmallow Test, but they added a little twist. Before being offered the marshmallow, each child had a few extra experiences with the researcher beforehand. One group of children was exposed to unreliable experiences and undependable researchers.
For example, they gave the child some stickers, and then promised to bring them a bigger and better selection of stickers. But they never did. Or they gave the child a small box of crayons, and promised to bring them a bigger one later.
Which again, they didn't do. All the while, the other group of children had very reliable experiences and dependable researchers. The bigger box of crayons?
They got it. Better stickers? They received them.
And you can guess how these experiences impacted the following Marshmallow Test. The children in the unreliable group had no reason to trust the researcher. They didn't believe he would bring them a second marshmallow, so they didn't wait very long to eat the first one.
On the other hand, the children in the reliable group saw the opposite result. They trusted the researcher, so they waited an average four times longer than the other group. Just a few minutes of reliable or unreliable experiences were enough to change the actions of each child in either direction.
This also means that the ability to delay gratification isn't a pre-determined inborn trait, but can be influenced by other factors. And we can actually train and improve our ability to choose delayed gratification over instant gratification. Now make no mistake.
There's a reason why most people can't do it. It's hard. Our brains are hardwired to seek instant gratification after all.
We want the rewards as soon as possible. If we're given a choice between: eating a burger, scrolling on Instagram, and watching Youtube videos, or, eating a salad, reading a book, and building a business, we'll gravitate to the former. Delayed gratification simply isn't as enjoyable in the moment.
And it might take weeks, months, or even years to see the potential rewards. We'd much rather indulge in things and activities that give us instant pleasure. Large corporations know this, and it's why everything is designed to be as instantly gratifying and as addictive as possible.
So it's no wonder that most people have a hard time delaying gratification. The environment is working against them. But while that might sound grim, it's also an opportunity for you to get massively ahead.
You might not be able to change the world, but you can change yourself. If most people are hooked onto instant gratification, all you have to do is look past those impulsive pleasures and focus on the vision of a better future. So how can you train and improve your ability to delay gratification in order to get ahead?
First I just want to clarify that I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy anything anymore. You definitely should. It becomes problematic when delayed gratification is taken to extreme, as it results in no gratification at all.
Which in all likelihood, is not what you want. Rather, you probably want to be able to control your desires and keep them in check. Which is more than doable.
You just need to set some conditions and create limits for yourself. So for example let's say you've heard about a brand new Netflix series that's apparently really good. You decide to watch it But you don't just binge watch the whole thing and feel like crap afterwards.
No. You set some conditions. You can only watch it after you've done everything on your to-do list for that day and only after 7pm.
Also, you set some limits. You can only watch 1 episode per day and a maximum of 5 episodes per week. The conditions are what needs to happen before you can enjoy the activity, while limits are how long and how often you can enjoy it.
And this small tweak makes all the difference. You still get to enjoy the thing, but rather than it being an impulsive choice, it's a reward for your patience, discipline and hard work. Basically what this is, is self-negotiation.
Kind of like self-parenting. Similar to how you would tell a child: "You can have the ice cream, but you have to eat all the veggies first. " It's the same principle, but you're the adult talking to the child in you.
You can create your own restrictions and adjust them depending on what you want. They don't have to be drastic, just something to show yourself that you can follow up on your own promises. So create some limits, give yourself a condition to be met, and then deliver on it.
That's how you build the skill of delaying gratification. Just like the children and the researchers in the Marshmallow Test did, you promise something and then you deliver on the promise. However, not everything can be divided into delayed or instant gratification.
Some activities actually fall into both categories. And these are the best pursuits you can have, as they make getting those delayed rewards almost effortless. Playing basketball with your friends can be such an activity.
You get to enjoy hanging out with friends, but you also get the long term benefits of exercise. Of course, not everyone will enjoy playing basketball or hanging out with other people, such preferences are different from person to person. That's why you need to find your own activities that you enjoy in the moment and that bring long term rewards at the same time.
The more you can find, the better, as it makes delayed gratification infinitely easier. But if there's nothing you can think of that would fit both categories, what you can do is try pairing instant and delayed gratification together yourself. For example: Watching TV only while on the treadmill.
Drnking coffee only when doing productive work. Listening to music only when cleaning. That pleasurable activity can serve as a way to motivate yourself to start the harder activity.
Not only that, but your brain will also connect the two activities together, assuming you only do them with each other. I've done this myself, and one interesting thing that happens is that you start to look forward to delayed gratification, because you know it will also bring instant gratification. However, all of this does still require some discipline or self negotiation, since you have to rely on yourself not to overindulge.
Most people make this mistake and what is supposed to be a treat, becomes their primary activity. Basically they end up breaking a promise to themselves, and they just end up just watching TV, without using the treadmill. Don't make this mistake, negotiate with yourself and set some limits instead.
You might find that some successful people don't seem to be delaying gratification at all, and are just having the time of their life. But don't be fooled, to get to where they are, sacrifices had to be made. They are able to enjoy the fruits of their labour now, because they delayed gratification in the past.
However, this can also be a fatal trap for many people. If you're experiencing success today and you start partying daily or whatever, you might remain successful for the next 5 years. But those actions will eventually catch up with you.
The results of your efforts are always lagging behind. You might be average today, but if you delay gratification, you're on the path to success. Or you might be successful today, but if you just indulge in instant gratification, you're on the path to mediocrity.
If you think about it, if you skip a workout today, there won't be a visible change to your body tomorrow. Neither will it be much different if you actually go workout today. But when you extend either choice over a longer period of time, that one workout is all that matters.
So don't be discouraged if you don't see any benefits of delayed gratification just yet. Nor should you become care-free if you're already enjoying the benefits and only indulging in instant gratification. Things can and will change.
Since the results of your actions are delayed, it means that you're always either progressing or regressing. This is why all that matters are the actions and the choices you make this very day. Don't make the mistake of thinking they don't make a difference.
Over an extended period of time, they are what separates high performers from the rest. So I urge you to resist those cheap temptations, resist that one marshmallow, and delay gratification instead. Make the first step down that path today, and I assure you, you will end up better than yesterday.
