Why narcissism in the workplace will never end

hi everyone i'm dr romini welcome back to this youtube channel i'm going to take on a question maybe and it's a rhetorical question but let me tell you why i think narcissistic abuse in the workplace is never going to end i read a really solid article in the new york times that came out on july 28th the title of the article was you're the problem when they spoke up about misconduct they were offered mental health services the article was focused on hr policies at a massive incredibly well-funded company and the major upthrust of the article

was that when people brought complaints or reports of workplace harassment or toxic behavior they would offer the employee counseling and not address the larger issue of toxic workplaces and even worse the counselors were bought and paid for by the employer raising conflict of interest issues in essence this employer was paying lip service and using sort of cover their ass strategies really to the detriment of the of the needs of the person being mute abused as part of a risk management strategy drop a comment if you think this is a problematic policy and if you do

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working in this kind of toxic situation and the therapy records if the person chooses to let them be seen show good mental health and then there is a drop in mental health upon taking the job it sort of does bolster the argument that the workplace is actually what the issue is but as you can imagine lots of people for good reason don't want their mental health records shared with their employer or anyone else i'm a therapist i would really caution a client of mine ever releasing their mental health records into the workplace but with the

human resource recommendation of counseling for the employee who brings the complaint about a toxic workplace and then the person takes the therapy sessions to address how they're feeling they're likely having multiple mental health issues like we would see in somebody experiencing narcissistic abuse including anxiety sadness confusion helplessness problems with concentration rumination and all of that can mean that if the employee pursues legal action and those therapy records get subpoenaed they will show an employee with mental health issues and then the person who brought the complaint may be pinged as the issue this right here is

the story of every narcissistic abuse survivor in the world by the time the story is told and the survivor has been through it the story gets shifted to the survivor being the one with the problem and the narcissistic person blithely getting to move into the future and harm more people i guess who will end up getting recommended to get more counseling so this really begs the question of why are employers so afraid of managing toxic cultures why because management c-suite senior administration and human resource folks do often tend to be enablers and company people one

could argue that they've benefited from the structure of the company and don't want to kill the golden goose and in this way all of these structures are like the enablers in a toxic and narcissistic family instead of being willing to see the narcissistic family members or the family dynamic clearly they would rather pathologize and gaslight and scapegoat the people who are the survivors of the abuse are getting the worst of the abuse in that system in this way in the workplace the leaders in that industry can benefit financially and professionally and live in a state

of denial and the people being abused are in essence left to fend for themselves basically the leadership and toxic workplace cultures and the policies that that leadership puts forward often have no teeth because they choose not to understand narcissism toxic cultures and what they do to people now interestingly there is research out there that suggests that narcissistic people are actually more naturally drawn to leadership positions that means that implies then implies that equally competent or far more competent people who happen to not be narcissistic may not feel the need to want to be in charge

of everything but narcissistic people need to be the boss it helps them offset their sense of insecurity and inadequacy and it feeds their power and dominance motivation and it gives them a sense of control so that means a disproportionate percentage of people in higher leadership positions will have narcissistic traits do you really think then if they're the leaders they're going to be able to see toxic workplace situations clearly now there's also an unwillingness to call narcissism out for what it is in our world and especially in the workplace it feels too defamatory too diagnosey too

clinical too judgmental too dismissive and ultimately too legally risky so folks don't call it out in the workplace instead they expect the people who have been abused to roll up with tons and tons of documentation that is often damn near impossible to get unless you are walking around with a body cam and a voice recorder at all times which probably isn't legal in most workplaces you can document what happens to you the best that you can but ultimately a person being narcissistic per se isn't in violation of a workplace procedure or policy it's the behaviors

that would be the violation but you got to document them and i got to tell you one of the narcissistic person's greatest and most diabolical abilities is their ability to fr fly right under the radar of what is considered enforceable abuse people then write off the narcissistic and toxic employees as somewhat difficult outspoken impulsive but not as what they are which is frankly abusive and chronically fostering a culture of fear triangulation menace and discomfort for colleagues and then they will be given some sort of anemic recommendation like getting anger management or sensitivity training please now

drop a comment too here if you have seen this tale as old as time unfold in a workplace and if you feel if you're comfortable and want to sort of even take out the details maybe share some of your experiences with other others as someone who's been through it the workplace trust me the more we recognize we're a community the better it is now remember that narcissistic people are much much more litigious than those people who have been narcissistically abused narcissistically abused people in the workplace and in other parts of their lives they're exhausted they

feel powerless they have been jerked around by management by administration and by hr they are often scared and their reputations are sometimes harmed most survivors are too tired and sometimes too financially wrecked to push a lawsuit that frankly they're not always very likely to win but those narcissistic people out there oh they love suing people they love lawsuits they love litigation they love sending emails and letters on lawyer letterhead and if the employer actually really tries to come down on toxic or narcissistic workplace behavior they are more likely to be sued by the narcissist whose

behavior they are trying to address than by the survivors of the abuse so the bean counters and the risk management wonks they all do the math and they leave the survivors out to twist in the wind because it's a better bet right they avoid going after the narcissist and the more expensive lawsuit that could come and then hope that the survivor shuts up or goes quietly to another place in some cases companies to make it all go away they use the ultimate tool of the narcissistic employer and of the narcissistic abuser the nda or the

non-disclosure agreement the survivor may get a settlement but with the stipulation that nothing can ever be said and the narcissist can never be named because if they ever did the survivor would then need to pay financial damages for breaking the gag order so the narcissistic abuse and the toxic situation continue that one survivor may get out of the situation but no one else in the workplace is protected no one can be told to protect themselves against this person and the beat goes on now some workplace situations are a little bit more clear for example someone

not getting a promotion because they didn't sleep with the boss and somehow it got documented or a person getting assaulted in the coffee break room and it's all captured on video or clear email showing that someone was chosen for a promotion because they were buddies or in an intimate relationship with the narcissistic boss but the under the radar stuff the invalidation the gaslighting the triangulation the smear campaigns the manipulation the cultural workplace impact of low empathy the narcissistic employees stealing credit for other people's work favoritism in the workplace the walking on eggshells all of that

is much much harder if not impossible to document in a way that would actually have an impact in any kind of hr or legal proceeding so we go back to that new york times article it is much easier for the employer and hr division to have a feel-good moment and offer the person experiencing the workplace narcissistic abuse some free therapy sessions which could run the risk of giving the company a little bit more intel which they could also use against them by the way i don't mean to sound too paranoid but you have to keep

that in mind and this can also leave the person experiencing the abuse feeling as though there is something wrong with them not address the toxic situation and doubling down on the harm being done to the abused person basically it is employer-led and employer-sanctioned gaslighting narcissistic employees are often quite profitable for a company or an institution they need lots of validation so they will do what they need to do to make things happen to get awards to earn profits workplace success is very important to narcissistic people so as a result they are willing to be perfectionistic

workaholics bend the rules and ethics and do whatever is necessary to get ahead which often can be quite good for whatever organization they work for personally i worked in academia for years and the shadiest people were often the ones who were best able to take advantage of people and situations in a way that made them look like the greatest and smartest scholars of all all the while looking great to everyone else but they were abusing students fellows and staff who were doomed to work with them because of this most employers are loathed to call the

narcissistic people out let them go or address the toxic culture ultimately the toxic culture works for the powers that be and the shady professors would get the awards and the honors and the promotions and the raises and the ceremonies and the beat goes on the way this story ends most of the time is that the healthy people end up leaving toxic organizations the healthy folks really often do try their very best to make it work they do get therapy they figure out the workarounds they count the time and one day from a place of disgust

or downright trauma despite the risks they leave and it may mean they leave well-paying positions accumulated retirement benefits health benefits all kinds of things but over time this means that an organization can start to deteriorate down to just being made up of toxic people and their enablers and when you get to critical mass like that then the organization basically stops working or stops working well i have seen this happen countless times i have heard many stories in a variety of industries stories about people who leave and years later when they look at the workplace they

left they see that not only are they still toxic they might even be more toxic these patterns don't change some employers have enough money to fight the various harassment lawsuits some smaller companies and institutions if they get to this level of toxic overload the smaller ones may fold but ultimately it will never end the enabling systems are designed to protect the abusers and they will always protect the abusers because of this it is critical that you learn to protect yourself in these situations and understand narcissism so you do not allow these systems to pathologize and

gaslight you if there are other topics you would like me to cover related to narcissism in the workplace please drop them in the comments below we take all of your suggestions very seriously i'm sure many of you is like hey wait a minute she did make a video about that and if you did find this video helpful please subscribe to this channel or give it a thumbs up it helps this channel get suggested reaches other people especially people who might not know about it and again it creates a wider conversation about narcissism