pause breathe observe these three words have guided my scientific career for the past 30 Cycles but today today I might need a fourth word laugh because the universe clearly has a sense of humor I never appreciated until now as Chief science officer of the reian expeditionary Force I've documented countless species across our Galactic arm most of them soft predictable evolution gentle children from their cushy Garden worlds but us rians we're different we're the apex predators of the Galaxy forged in the fires of a world that wants to kill you six different ways before breakfast our home World raxis Prime boast surface temperatures ranging from -70 to plus 50° atmospheric pressure 1. 8 times Galactic standard and gravity that would crush most species into paste not to mention our lovely native Wildlife car ious plants that can digest metal Predators with triple redundant organ systems and storms that rain acid good times computer add personal note remember to send flowers to mother for surviving another hatching season the fact that she's killed three apex predators this year alone deserves recognition where was I right our evolutionary Crucible made us what we are the average raxan stands 3 m tall with reinforced bone structure layered muscle systems and natural armor plating our military capabilities let's just say when we joined the galactic Council they created a new classification system just for us death worlders they called us the only known sentient species to evolve on a Class 12 hostile world the galactic council's reaction was priceless picture if you will a room full of diplomats from garden worlds their soft bodies encased in environmental suits trying not to show fear as our delegation walked in wearing nothing but our ceremonial armor General zarx bless her tactical genius deliberately stomped her foot and three ambassadors fainted we still watch that security footage at our annual military banquet computer note General vex's storytelling gets more elaborate each year last time she claimed five ambassadors fainted a just historical record accordingly our position as the Galaxy's only death worlders has shaped our entire civilization were the peacekeepers the Warriors the ones called when pirates need clearing or hostile species need pacifying our combat pods are legendary our Battle Tactics studied inmes across known space we've grown comfortable in our unique position perhaps too comfortable computer personal notation pride comes before a fall ancient reian proverb that I'm starting to appreciate with new context yesterday our longrange Scouts detected signals from a previously unexplored system standard procedure we investigated expected to find another Garden World Civilization maybe some interesting music broadcasts or primitive space flight attempts instead we found them the humans computer mark this section classified security level Omega initial scans of their home world made our best scientists check their equipment three times surely there was an error the reading suggested a class 10 death world with environmental conditions that would challenge even axian multiple predatory species extreme temperature variations regular natural disasters and is that atmospheric oxygen at 21% in those concentrations it should have burned their Planet Clean ages ago yet there they were broadcasting their existence to the cosmos launching ships beyond their solar system all while living on a world that should have killed them in their evolutionary cradle computer personal note the council's reaction to this discovery should be recorded for posterity and maybe set to music tomorrow we make official first Contact our diplomatic core is scrambling our military strategists are recalculating and I'm sitting here recording this log wondering if we finally met our match or perhaps our mirror computer addendum requisition new data storage units I have a feeling this is going to be a very very long documentation process and computer mark this date this is either the beginning of the greatest Alliance in Galactic history or the start of the most interesting War we've ever seen either way I need more coffee end recording computer begin recording and Mark this one for the historical archives though whether it goes under diplomatic triumphs or Cosmic jokes remains to be seen the humans arrived in ship that by reian standards might as well have been made of paper and hopes our engineering Corps nearly had Collective heart attacks watching it DOC how something so flimsy survived space travel is beyond me perhaps their Garden World Evolution made them optimistic to the point of insanity computer note investigate human Material Science either they're incredibly Brave or incredibly foolish possibly both the airlock cycled and we waited General zarx Stood Beside Me her combat armor polished to ceremonial Perfection our Honor Guard all four meters tall in their powered suits line the corridor we expected the humans to be intimidated impressed maybe even terrified instead their Ambassador Luna Rodriguez walked out smiling she barely reached my chest height wearing what appeared to be decorative cloth with no protective value whatsoever behind her came their security detail similarly unarmed armored and their scientific adviser DrMarcus Blackwood who immediately started scanning everything with a handheld device welcome aboard the reian flagship indomitable Spirit General Vex announced her translator working perfectly we are honored to is that a Mark 7 graviton Drve manifold DrBlackwood interrupted pressing his face against a corridor wall the Energy Efficiency must be incredible Ambassador look at the the field harmonics Rodriguez didn't miss a beat DrBlackwood perhaps we could save the engineering enthusiasm for after the formal introductions though I admit it is a beautiful ship computer note human scientific curiosity apparently overrides diplomatic protocol interesting evolutionary trait General Vex recovered admirably we have prepared our primary conference chamber for discussions though if you require environmental supports Rodriguez laughed actually laughed oh no need your atmosphere is a bit thick but nothing we can't handle though I wouldn't mind a chair artificial gravity is a touch higher than Earth's standard the General's expression was priceless in all our first contct scenarios we'd assumed we'd need to provide specialized environments for these Garden worlders instead they were treating our deadly to most species ship like a mildly inconvenient Hotel computer Personal Note review new assumptions about human environmental tolerances all of them the conference that followed was educational we presented our credentials as the Galaxy's Premier death world species General Vex detailed our military achievements I explained our biological adaptations the human delegation nodded politely through it all then came the cultural exchange portion Rodriguez presented what she called a gift basket of human foods our xenobiologist nearly had seizures analyzing it you ferment grape juice until it becomes toxic I asked staring at something called wine for fun Rodriguez confirmed we also ferment potatoes Agave rice pretty much anything we can really that particular bottle is from my family's Vineyard 300 years of tradition computer urgent note humans deliberately produce and consume toxins for entertainment update threat assessment accordingly the real shock came during the facility tour we showed them our training rooms where raxi and warriors practicing triple gravity DrBlackwood asked if he could try we thought he was joking he wasn't computer attached medical scan records no human should be able to move in those conditions let alone do what DrBlackwood called checking notes jumping jacks the final straw came during the medical exchange DrBlackwood casually mentioned something called coffee that most humans consume daily let me understand this I said checking my data you regularly drink a liquid containing a stimulant alkaloid that evolved as an insect neurotoxin oh yes Rodriguez chimed in several times a day in fact would anyone like to try some I brought extra computer personal note investigate if humans are actually insane or just appear that way to normal species update first Contact protocols to include section on refusing potentially lethal human beverages as the day ended I found myself watching Rodriguez and her team boarding their improbably flimsy ship chatting about dinner plans and something called movie night General Vex Stood Beside Me her usual Imperial bearings somewhat shaken they're not what we expected she said quietly no I agreed they're much worse they're Garden worlders who act like death worlders while treating everything deadly as if it's entertaining the Galaxy isn't ready for this computer final note of the day informed Galactic Council we need to revise the entire classification system and possibly invest in stronger drinks computer personal addendum next time I'm asking about this coffee for scientific purposes only of course end recording computer begin recording and maybe prepare some ant acids today's going to be interesting in retrospect we should have seen this coming Commander dren thax has always been shall we say traditionally minded three decades of military service 15 major victories and enough Pride to fill a gas giant when he heard about the human's casual attitude during the first Contact meeting he took it personally computer note investigate correlation between Warrior culture and inability to take a joke and the challenge came during the second day of diplomatic talks Ambassador Rodriguez was explaining human Sports apparently they invented thousands of different ways to compete with each other out of sheer boredom when Commander thax slammed his fist on the table the impact cracked the reinforced metal enough he roared rising to his full height you treat our ways like tourist attractions you walk our Halls without proper respect I invoke the right of challenge the room went silent General Vex closed her eyes in what I recognize as her calculating political damage expression I started preparing diplomatic apologies in my head but Ambassador Rodriguez just smiled we accept computer mark timestamp this is where everything went sideways Commander thx's secondary heart actually skipped a beat I know because I was monitoring his vitals you accept of course Rodriguez said as if accepting ritual combat was as normal as accepting a dinner invitation although since you issued the challenge we get to choose our champion those are the rules yes she was right the ancient laws were clear on this point thax nodded stiffly probably already imagining how easily he'd defeat whatever soft Diplomat they chose then Captain Alexandra Chen stepped forward computer physical description notation required for scientific purposes Captain Chen stood 1. 7 m tall tiny by our standards where Commander thax was a mountain of natural armor and enhanced muscle she looked almost delicate almost there was something in the way she moved something a lifetime of scientific observation told me to pay attention to I volunteer she said her voice carrying that same eerily cheerful tone All Humans seemed to share though I should warn you Commander I'm not very good at going easy computer note human capacity for understatement requires further study the preparation period was fascinating from a scientific perspective Commander thax dawned his ceremonial combat armor 200 kilos of advanced Alloys and power assists Captain Chen changed into something she called workout clothes and did stretching exercises you're not wearing armor I asked her trying to keep the concern out of my voice nah she replied casually touching her toes it had just slow me down but hey could you hold my hair tie thanks computer personal note either humans are the greatest warriors in the Galaxy or Captain Chen is criminally insane possibly both the combat Arena filled with Spectators both reian and human the humans brought snacks DrBlackwood was taking bets of all things the odds heavily favored Commander thax naturally even our most pessimistic calculations gave Captain Shen a survival probability of less than 20% Commander thax entered first his armor gleaming under the arena lights the traditional pre-combat Roar shook the observation Windows several newer diplomatic staff members steep back the humans just kept munching on their snacks then Captain Chen walked in Barefoot of all things and wave to the crowd computer marked for cultural analysis human combat rituals seem to lack appropriate gravitas the rules are simple General Vex announced combat continues until submission or incapacitation medical intervention is available do both contestants understand affirmative fax growled sure thing Chen replied quick question though submission holds are allowed right even I couldn't help but wice at that the idea of a human trying to Grapple with axian was concerning the tensions in the room shifted rians moved forward eager to witness their Commander restore their pride humans just kept smiling some recording with their devices others discussing techniques I couldn't follow begin combat in 10 seconds General Vex announced Commander thax activated his armor combat systems servos whed power Fields hummed he dropped into a traditional combat stance that had won him countless victories Captain Chen bounced on her toes and cracked her neck computer note human combat preparation appears inappropriately casual unless 5 Seconds the air felt thick with anticipation Commander thx's bio readings showed perfect battle Focus Captain Chen showed excitement computer urgent notation review human combat psychology their responses to Danger require serious study combat begins now Commander thax charged forward his armor Servo Motors launching him across the arena with devastating Force Captain Chen's smile widened computer and recording here new log required for actual combat proceedings and maybe some stronger ant acids personal addendum I've seen Commander thax break through reinforced walls with that charge the fact that Captain Chen looks happy about this suggests either human Triumph or tragedy is about to occur either way I suspect our understanding of the Galaxy is about to change dramatically computer final note next time we discover a new species let's skip the combat challenges and go straight to cultural exchange my hearts can't take much more of this end recording computer begin recording switch to enhanced vocal capture there's no way anyone will believe this without detailed documentation Commander thx's charge would have ended most fights before they began three tons of armor an angry rexan moving at 40 km per hour it's a site that stopped Wars before they started Captain Chen ducked not jumped not dodged she simply ducked letting tax's charge pass over her by millimeters then spun and kicked the back of his knee joint the sound of her Barefoot hitting reinforced armor made me cringe but then something impossible happened the armor dented computer immediate notation human bone density and muscle strength requires complete re-evaluation thax stumbled his momentum turning against him before he could recover Chen was moving she flowed around him like water striking points that shouldn't have been vulnerable each hit rang out like a hammer on metal what is this thax roared trying to grab her stand still and fight with honor why Chen laughed actually laughed while evading his grasp your Armor's got three major weak points and your left stabilizer is already failing give me 30 more seconds computer note human combat includes psychological warfare through casual conversation highly effective the next sequence defied several laws of physics Chen used thx's own armor as climbing holds scrambled up his back and did something to his primary power coupling that made Sparks Fly the Commander's armor seized up on the right side that's one Chen announced cheerfully want to guess the other two weak points or should I just show you thx's response was a Bellow of Rage he activated his Armor's emergency protocols overriding Safety Systems to restore Mobility the energy discharge would have cooked most species Chen back flipped off him just backflipped like gravity was optional computer urgent notation human agility and reaction time exceeds all previous data update threat assessments immediately What followed was less a fight and more a demonstration Chen moved like she could predict tax's every move each time he committed to an attack she was already countering it the Commander's legendary stamina began to flag while she looked like she was warming up getting tired she asked sliding under another charge no shame in taking a break though your armor is about to lose primary power in three two the massive battle suit went dark computer technical analysis required how did she know exactly when the power would fail thax kept fighting of course he did he's reian but now he was wearing two tons of dead weight against an opponent who Moved like natural laws were just friendly suggestions the end came suddenly Chen slipped inside his guard used some leverage trick that shouldn't have worked on someone three times her size and suddenly our legendary Commander was Airborne he hit the ground with enough Force to crack the reinforced floor before he could rise Chen had him in a hole that pinned both his primary arms and threatened his auxiliary limbs the position looked almost cas ual like she was sitting down for a picnic rather than restraining one of our most decorated Warriors so she said brightly about that submission computer Mark historical timestamp first time axian Commander has been defeated in ceremonial combat by checking notes submission hold via human sitting position the silence in the arena was absolute then doct blackwood's voice rang out pay up I told you she'd do it in under five minutes ambassador Rodriguez approached the combat zone still holding her snack excellent work Captain Commander thax your combat prow honors us all shall we call this cultural exchange a success thax still pinned managed to growl out his submission Chen immediately released him and offered a hand up the sight of her helping him rise his armor completely disabled will stay in my memory forever computer priority notation reclassification of Earth acquired previous assessment catastrophically incorrect it wasn't just the combat that changed everything it was what we learned afterwards Earth wasn't just another death world it was worse their Planet actively tries to kill them with weather patterns that reshape continents their Wildlife ranges from microscopic assassins to apex predators that humans hunted for sport and they call it beautiful computer adds psychological analysis humans may be the only known species to develop Stockholm syndrome with their own Planet the most shocking Revelation they don't even consider Earth particularly dangerous Captain Chen mentioned something called Australia that made several of our Xeno biologists need to sit down final combat analysis humans are not just death worlders they're death worlders who turn their evolutionary Crucible into an entertainment venue the Galaxy is not prepared for this computer personal note next time humans suggest a friendly sparring match I'm taking emergency leave end recording computer begin recording and note that I've run out of ant acids the medical base says I'm not allowed anymore the aftermath of yesterday's combat has been enlightening Commander thax emerged from medical treatment with three cracked ribs a dislocated secondary shoulder and most surprisingly a new human friend Captain Chen visited him bringing something called chocolate as a peace offering computer urgent medical note humans consume theobromine for pleasure a substance that can kill half the known species in the Galaxy because of course they do the real Revelations came during the data exchange DrBlackwood shared their planetary statistics and our computers initially rejected them as erroneous when the numbers were confirmed General Vex had to sit down Earth specifications gravity 9.
8 M S2 within lethal range for most species temperature range minus 89. 2 de C to 56.
