UPDATED STORY: My BROTHER PROPOSED to my FIANCEE (his ex) INFORNT OF MY FAMILY and I’m PISSED...

updated story My Brother proposed to my fiance his ex informed of my family and I'm pissed my 28m brother Mark 26m used to date my fiance Jen 26f a year ago for context they dated back in August 2022 they were only together for a month before he broke things off with her because he was bored of being in a relationship and never really wanted to settle down anyway at the time they were dating I was in a different state so I had no idea he even had a girlfriend and I had no idea who Jen

was in until I met her Jan and I met at a bar when I moved back in October and hit it off really well she was easily the most beautiful and intelligent woman I ever met and we met up a few times more before we made it official fast forward to December and I finally bring her up to my family and propose them meeting her at Christmas they knew I was in a relationship but I'm not the most open about my personal life so I kept details about her to a minimum until I knew how

serious we really were my parents asked to see pictures and they started passing my phone around the dinner table Mark saw it and blew up calling me a brother for dating his ex-girlfriend friend and he demanded I break it off with her I refused when I asked Jen about it she confirmed they dated and gave me the details about their breakup it took a few weeks but eventually Mark stopped bringing up me dating his ex and I thought he was over it on Jen's birthday this year I took her out to a fancy dinner with

both of our families and her closest friends and I asked her to marry me Mark flipped once again and blew up about me proposing to her which I and my sisters immediately shut down the incident happened this past weekend Mark had been pretty quiet about the whole thing for the last 2 months I didn't see him much and figured he went low contact with me which I had no problem with then he invited me and Jen for family dinner at his apartment with my parents and sisters I thought it was weird but my parents and

sisters were also going so we agreed to go the dinner was nice nothing too fancy and we moved to the living room to talk about 30 minutes into normal conversation Mark stood up and told us he had an announcement he made a long speech about being happy to have his family around for his big moment then got on one knee and pulled out this cheap ring while asking Jen to marry him Jen was confused and obviously uncomfortable and demanded that he put it away and stand up my Dad tried to make a grab for Mark

but I got to him first and punched him I won't repeat most of it mostly because I was too angry to even listen most of it but he said something along the lines of wanting to show me that Jen wasn't really into me and just wanted to get back at him before it could get worse my parents rushed me out and promised to talk to him it's been a few days since it happened and I'm still pissed off I don't know what to do at this point I'm scared Jen might have second thoughts marrying me

because of this any advice edit first thanks for Reading and Responding I've been the comments between last night and this morning and valid points were made there isn't an update since the only people I've spoken to since that dinner is Jan and my little sister I want to clarify a few things that I saw in the comments one Jan and I are newly engaged it was one of those feelings where we both knew we were in it for the long run as fast as it is I'm sure about her two when we met I was

the one who approached her not the other way around whether she knew or had suspicions of us being related I don't know I asked after finding out they dated and she said she had no idea idea I didn't have a reason to doubt that but I can admit this seemingly overreaction on Mark's part does raise red flags three I had no idea she and Mark dated when I met her Mark and I aren't close at all we used to be but as we grew up we drifted and talked less and less before I moved back

we didn't really speak much aside from special days like his or my birthday Jen knew of my family but not much until I decided I was ready to introduce them to her when she and Mark met again I didn't get a sense of any residual feelings on either part she didn't treat him like a stranger but she also wasn't overly affectionate with him either four I was told this was a relationship that lasted a month I didn't think I needed permission from Mark to ask her to marry me but maybe that was wrong of me

I'm not sure that being said I planned to talk to Mark this weekend to lay everything out on the table and figure out what's up I never asked for his side of their relationship which is my fault for not doing my due diligence if anything major or enlightening happens I'll update but for now that's all I have comments where op has replied don't give it into the but his family comments thankfully I haven't heard that he's family much aside from my mom and a few aunts they know me well enough to know our relationship isn't

enough for me to put up with his disrespect especially towards my fiance they'd be wasting their breath on fiance yeah I don't think I have to worry about her going back safe to say she can't stand him either LOL update one first I want to thank everyone for reading it's been a busy weekend so I haven't had the chance to reply to many people but I did edit in responses to the most common questions I saw in the comments of the original post again thank you I appreciate it all even the criticisms now for the

update I called Mark and asked him to meet up with me at my place to talk I told him I would prefer Jen to be around for the talk as well but I was cool with it if he didn't want her there he agreed to talk to both of us and showed up at my place around noon today it was pretty quiet for a few minutes before I started the conversation I apologized for not warning him I would be proposing to Jen and I apologized for hitting him he said it was whatever but he appreciated

the apology I told told him what Jen had said about the relationship and breakup when I asked her about it and I asked him to confirm if it was true I pretty much said that his reaction throughout the whole thing has been extreme and I wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding their relationship or downplaying how serious they were he confirmed that they only dated for a few weeks and he broke up with her because he lost interest Jen asked if he was acting like this because he still had feelings or regrets about ending things

with her he said he could admit he thought she was more attractive than when he last saw her but there weren't any feelings or regrets he said he just didn't like seeing a girl he dated even if it was short term with his older brother and as a man I shouldn't have violated him by pursuing things with his ex I reminded him that I had no idea they dated so it wasn't like I consciously did this knowing their history together he Shrugged me off and said it didn't matter I still should have broken it off

he was adamant that if the roles were reversed he would have done the same thing which I doubt I asked him why he proposed to her if he didn't have any lingering feelings basically to sum it up he was talking about it to one of his buddies who was around when Mark and Jen dated and the guy put the idea in his head that maybe Jen knew from the start that we were related and was doing this to get back at him considering Jen had been hung up on him after they ended he and his

friend thought it would be a good idea to test it and see if they were right so he came up with the idea to propose and see if she dumped me for him Jen asked him to elaborate on why he thought she was hung up on him and he told her that he heard she was asking about him following the breakup and still hanging out at the places they used to go to so it was a valid assumption then for her to pop up randomly with his brother affirmed his suspicions Jen told him she'd only

asked about him once following the breakup and she'd been hanging out at those places with friends before they started and she wouldn't avoid them because of a breakup she also told him she was offended at the idea that she would go as low as to pursue me just to get back at him he Shrugged and gave her a half-ass apology but said she had to see it from his point of view he asked her if she really didn't know and she told him that she didn't see the resemblance in us until we were in the

same room and we act nothing alike so it never crossed her mind and he said okay that pretty much wrapped up the conversation he did tell me before he left that I could take back his invite to the wedding because he can't bring himself to support our relationship knowing he used to date her I told him he didn't have to worry about that as he was most likely going to be Uninvited anyway it's been a few hours since our talk and I do feel better my parents aren't too happy about him being Uninvited but they

understood that it was a mutual decision and probably for the best my sisters told me they knew he didn't have a good reason for being an and they don't blame me for not wanting him at the wedding as of now I'm going to limit contact with Mark and I doubt he'll reach out to me anytime soon either once again I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting and if anything significant happens I'll update again comments where op has replied why didn't she know of your family we hadn't discussed my family much in the beginning

of our relationship I left home to get away from them my parents specifically and started reconciling at my sister's request when I decided to move back home I was open about not being close with them when Jen asked and she was okay with being left in the dark considering the circumstances update two editors note oop posted both of these updates on the same post but to clarify update 3 would have happened about 2 weeks after update 2 he just combined both updates into one post if I had to guess yes it probably was because one

of his updates got removed or stuck in limbo on a subreddit I couldn't post this to the same Forum so I'm posting this directly to my profile in case anyone is interested in an update it's been a while since I've posted but a few things have happened since my last talk with Mark so I've been low contact with Mark since our last conversation I haven't called him and he hasn't called me and our only interactions have been in family settings as it stands my mom is now upset that Mark is still Uninvited for my wedding

it started with a comment made during my younger sister Sophie 22 FS birthday her boyfriend of I think four years proposed to her at the end of the night and we sat around talking about what she envisioned for her dream wedding she talked a bit about wanting a destination wedding and her ideas for the cake and dress then she said something along the lines of Teddy I know Mark's ban from your wedding but you won't care if he comes to mine right I laughed it off and told her I can't get mad about her guest

list even if I wanted to my mom gave me this weird look and asked if Mark was still not invited to my wedding I told her yes and she got irritated she told me she thought I was joking and said I was being unreasonable to go through with Banning him from the wedding since he's family she accused me of holding a grudge just to be Petty I reminded her that he and I agreed on him not coming I then told her that this wasn't the time to talk about my wedding since the day was about

Sophie and if Mark or her want to talk about my wedding they can call me another time Sophie laid into my mom a bit about trying to make her special day about Mark and my mom dropped the issue for those of you who might be wondering Mark wasn't at Sophie's party because he apparently had to work and couldn't make it a few days later my mom stopped by my house and said she wanted to discuss my wedding she asked me why I was so adamant about Mark not coming to my wedding she said that I

shouldn't be so insecure about Mark and Jen's previous relationship and that uninviting him was a step too far I told her that Mark and I mutually agreed on him not coming to the wedding and he can come to me about it himself if he has a problem with it we got into an argument and she said that if I wasn't going to reinvite Mark then she would not be coming either because I'm ostracizing her son I Shrugged and told her if that's what she wants then she can toss her invite in the trash because I

won't beg her to be there she asked me if I would really be okay with her not attending and I told told her it wouldn't be the first time she missed an event of mine because of Mark she said I was being an offer throwing her past mistakes in her face and she stormed out I then started getting messages and phone calls from her and a few family members about the whole situation saying I was in the wrong and urging me to invite Mark just to keep the peace Jen's also been getting messages from my

mom asking her to talk to me and get me to change my mind but to my knowledge she hasn't been responding so far most of my mom's side of the family are standing in solidarity with her and not attending while my dad and his side of the family which is only my aunt and uncle and their two kids kids agree with me and are still coming my sisters are also still coming to the wedding and of course Jen's family too also I talked to Mark about it and asked him if he had a problem with

not having an invite he said he Uninvited himself in the first place and he doesn't get why they're making a big deal because he still doesn't want to go he told me to leave him out of the fighting because he's not involved and he says he'd tell her the same as of now I'm back to being low contact with my mom but my dad and I are still on decent terms I'm still deciding on whether I'll reinvite my mom and her family should they change their mind about the boycott but the chances are low and

I told my dad this too which he understands for now Jan and I started looking into downsizing the venue since the guest list is significantly smaller update three my mom is Uninvited from the wedding indefinitely about 2 weeks after she decided to not come to the wedding she came stopped by and said she wanted to clear the air and talk about everything we agreed and invited her in to join us for dinner Jen made her a plate of food and I asked her if she was still planning on not coming to the wedding she said

that while she wants to she can't get over me not inviting Mark because of a simple mistake I reminded her that his simple mistake was proposing to my fiance with me sitting Less Than 3 ft away from him and she said it was just a joke Jen asked her why she wanted to talk if she was maintaining the same stance on Mark coming to the wedding she said she wanted to talk to Jen and she was hoping Jen would hear her out and talk me into inviting Mark again she apparently assumed I was at work

and she'd be able to catch her alone Jen politely told her that she understood her thought process but she wouldn't have had that conversation anyway without me present since this is about my brother my mom made a comment somewhere in the lines of Jen being spineless and unable to have a conversation without me thinking for her which started a pretty heated back and forth between the three of us before Jen told her to get out she got up and started walking towards the door and my mom followed her still screaming at her by this point

she's yelling about her tearing our family apart while Jen was unlocking the front door my mom grabbed her hair and pulled her to the ground still screaming she hit her and tried to claw her face and I dragged her off of her and threw her outside she banged on the door for a few minutes while I made sure Jen was okay before she left and called the both of us repeatedly when I was sure Jen was okay I texted my mom and told her not to bother reaching out again because we'll never speak to her

again I called my dad and sisters and told them what happened too my dad was surprised and tried to make excuses saying she'd been stressed about this whole situation for a while my sisters say they knew she'd snap eventually since she's always been a crazy byy and they said they'd come make sure Jen is okay I asked Jen if she wanted to press charges but she declined and said she only wanted to cut contact with her for good I told that part was obvious but she should still talk to the police since she was physically

assaulted but she doesn't want my mom to get arrested Ed my sisters and Jen's mom came by to comfort her thankfully so she's doing okay my mom is blocked on everything until Jen says otherwise I genuinely don't know what to do now Jen doesn't want to go to the police because she'd feel guilty having her arrested over this but my sisters and I want to convince her too and I'd at least want documentation in case something happens in the future comments where op has replied all if this could have been avoided if Mark had sat

down with your mom and taken responsibility he absolutely could but I don't think he knows what accountability means I really do believe he thinks he has nothing to do with our mom's actions and I don't think anything I say will be enough to convince him that everything she does is for him and her own selfish gain oop comments on November 12th to someone saying they should really press charges Jen is still against formal charges but after reading some of your comments with me and a long talk about how this could escalate she agreed to have

it documented with the police just in case she wants to talk to my dad about possibly getting her back in therapy or some kind of treatment for her eratic behavior and of course we are moving forward with going no contact clarification title some background on my relationship with my parents some people were asking questions about my mom and my decision not to be open with Jen about my relationship with my parents I figure I could give some background on why we're so strained like some of you said Mark was The Golden Child Mark was my

mom's baby boy and she didn't do much to try and hide it they didn't spend much time with my sisters and not like normal parents did with their kids unless they had two but they'd spend time with Mark as often as possible like taking him out shopping while we stayed with a sitter or bringing him home his favorite food and toys from the store when they'd shop alone he usually got better things compared to the rest of us like new expensive clothes while ours were thrifted or new toys just for him compared to old toys

we had to share with each other if my sisters and I got gifts they were for us to share but my mom made it pretty clear that Mark's things were only for him and we shouldn't touch it when Mark would screw up I'd get punished for not being a good role model and showing him the proper way to behave for example Mark went through a phase of breaking his toys and I got the beating because obviously he learned the behavior for me when he was eight Mark got in trouble at school for trying to push

a kid down the stairs I was grounded for 2 weeks and told to apologize to the kid for not teaching my brother right when I turned 13 I pushed for my parents to start giving me an allowance they agreed as long as I did household chores like mowing a lawn taking out the trash raking leaves Etc it was usually somewhere around $25 a week to help me start saving Mark saw that I was getting money and he begged my parents for an allowance too instead of making him work $10 of my allowance money was given

to him each week because we were doing such a good job with our chores that he never touched whenever I asked him to help he'd tell me it's not his job to do chores so why should he bother it was around this time that I started really distancing myself from my brother by the time I entered high school we only talked to each other when we needed small favors or when we absolutely had two I got my first job when I turned 17 because I wanted to finally get my own car and make money that

they couldn't force me to give to mark my oldest sister Maggie helped me start my own bank account and showed me how to properly budget and save my money I got my first car at 18 after all of my hard work when Mark got his license my parents asked me to let him use my car to get around and for extra practice behind the wheel reluctantly I agreed and for a while the arrangement was fine Mark used my car when I didn't need it and helped maintain it pretty well when he expressed wanting my parents

to buy him his own car my mom came to me and told me to give him my car because he needed it more when I refused she threatened to kick me out we got in a fight that night which ended with her giving Mark my car and taking me to transfer ownership of it to him within the following few days since I didn't have anywhere else I could go at the time I just sucked it up and signed it over when I graduated high school both of my parents skipped my graduation because Mark didn't want

to sit in a long ceremony just to see me get a piece of paper and my mom didn't want to leave him alone for the night so I only had the support of my sisters and my aunt and uncle who wanted to take me out they ended up having to bring me home at my parents request because they made me dinner to make it up to me it was a dinner I couldn't eat because my mom put shrimp and chicken on the same serving dish and I'm allergic to shellfish in me first year out of

high school I worked two jobs to buy myself another car and at the start of the new school year I moved away for college and cut contact with them they mostly my mom tried to reach out for the first few months via social media and Sophie but I never responded and I told Sophie she would be cut off too if she kept trying when she couldn't get to me through Sophie she tried going through my older sister Charlotte and a few times through Maggie and Mark until I threatened to file a restraining order for harassment

it was a bluff because I had no idea how to do it but it managed to scare her off and the most I got from her was happy holiday texts over the years around the time I moved back Charlotte told me they had been seeing a family therapist at Charlotte's request and my parents wanted to apologize for their treatment of us I was hesitant but I agreed as long as they would be genuine and the reconciliation process started when I moved back home that doesn't even scratch the surface of everything they put me through and

it took a lot for me to even begin to let them back into my life when I met Jen I wasn't sure where my relationship with her was going or where my relationship with my parents was going I didn't want to mention my family at all mostly because I was ready to cut contact again if I needed to Jen was understanding of it being a sore subject and didn't press for more I hope this help shed some light on some of the questions I've been seeing pop up comments where op has replied on why oop

didn't have reconciliation depend on them reimbursing him for the car a getting reimbursement for the car wasn't a hill I was willing to die on since the damage was already done even now it's hard to believe Mark was the favorite there wasn't anything really special about him I don't mean that is an insult either he was just a regular kid my parents weren't having fertility issues he wasn't a miracle wasn't a meal ticket they weren't having marital problems and using a baby as a Band-Aid he was just born and they decided to love him more

than us and believe me they didn't think this was normal they just have a soft spot for our parents because they're are parents and they believe they have redeeming qualities you sure you're not adopted I'm biological Unfortunately they couldn't deny me even if they wanted to haha I used to make excuses for them but after a while I had to admit that they're just two people who should never have had kids update four I want to thank everyone who's taken the time to give me advice on what to do going forward and all the kind

messages and comments I've gotten over the past few days/ weeks Jan and I have read the comments together and everything is appreciated to answer the most common question about why I chose to reconnect after everything the short answer is because I would do anything for my sisters Charlotte wanted the entire family around and for the birth of her first child and to help her while she adjusts she didn't want part-time aunts and uncles who would only visit her kid during birthdays and holidays she was never the type to ask for much of anything Growing Up

So when she asked if I would be willing to try for her I agreed because it would make her happy I also think part of me hope that maybe they changed I don't regret trying to re reconcile either my parents are still terrible but I met the love of my life so I call it a win a few people wanted to know if there's an update so here we go sorry if it's a mess or confusing a lot has happened we filed a report with the police and we're told that even though Jen doesn't want

to pursue anything it's not up to us to decide whether it goes further but they would keep our preference in mind we provided some pretty decent evidence of the assault including pictures of Jen's face and texts with my mom and dad talking about what happened we were advised to report and record any other incidents with my mom going further in case anything else else happens considering where we live I doubt it'll go anywhere but at least we have it on record I got about 100 angry text messages that tell me they at least spoke with

her regarding the incident my mom tried to Corner me leaving my job and screamed at me about trying to ruin her life she kept screaming that I was an awful son for trying to get her arrested over a small misunderstanding and she didn't understand what she'd done to deserve being punished like this I told her that if she didn't like being in legal trouble then she shouldn't have hit Jen she demanded i' tell the police to forget the report which I refused I told her exactly what the officer said about it being out of my

hands she had a tantrum in the parking lot and hit me a few times just on the chest and arm before security intervened and dragged her off the property I had to talk to my boss about the incident luckily she was understanding of everything going on after I explained what was happening when I got home I told Jen what happened she was upset and asked that we discuss the plan with my family moving forward it was a long talk but we took the advice of some redditors and decided to go completely no contact with my

family aside from my sisters we agreed that having them in my life is adding unnecessary stress for the both of us and we aren't even married yet she told me she wanted to consider moving away and putting some distance between us and my family she said that she tried to stay out of my family issues because it's not her place but she refuses to put up with my mom and her behavior or my dad enabling her abuse a lot more was said too much to put in this post but I agreed with her that they

were more trouble than they're worth and I also don't want to put up with this anymore I also agreed to go to therapy and she's helping me find a therapist I decided to call my dad after our talk and let him know I would be going no contact he didn't answer the first time I called so I left a message asking to have a long talk when he called back he asked if it was okay for my mom to be a part of the conversation I told him it was okay since she needed to hear

what I had to say too the conversation went about as well as you could expect I told them both that Jan and I are cutting them out of our Lives my dad demanded to know why I would do something like that after going through all the trouble of repairing our relationship I told him that this entire thing with Mark has shown me that nothing is actually repaired between us and as far as they're concerned the world revolves around only around my my mom and my little brother I told them that their continued favoritism of Mark

has brought our relationship to a point of no return and that I wasn't interested in holding on to a failing relationship I told them that I agreed to reconcile for Charlotte's sake but I don't appreciate all of the disrespect towards me and Jen and that I wouldn't put up with it anymore for both of our sakes to my mom specifically I told her that I was tired of her using me as a scapegoat for her bad parenting and Mark's attitude I also told her that I would never forgive her for what she did to Jen

and what she did to me and my sisters growing up she started to say how I should move on like my sister have but I cut her off and told her that she should take their forgiveness and move on because she would never receive it from me especially after everything she's done these last few weeks she started crying and asking me how I could treat her like such a villain I told her she could only be upset with herself because I've done nothing wrong she cried harder and told me how much she regretted having me

and how I've only tried to ruin her life this started a heated argument between her and Jen once again and Jen told her in much more colorful words that she was disgusting and plenty of other nice names for saying something like that to me I don't know if she left the room or just just decided to shut up but my mom stopped talking when Jen was done speaking to her my dad said he wasn't okay with being shut out of my life and he asked me to try to understand my mom's point of view he

said that she was also struggling because her kids were at odds and I was being unfair to punish her for her struggles with raising and caring for us the last thing he said was that we were a family and I shouldn't let past mistakes stop us from moving forward together I told him that the only person she ever cared for was Mark and herself and there was nothing he could say or do to make me change my mind I told him that it was up to him whether to keep my number but I would be

blocking him in my mom everywhere and I wouldn't be reaching out again then I hung up afterward I sent a long email with a link to my posts attached to my entire family on inviting everyone except my aunt and uncle and my sisters to the wedding I hadn't cried in a long time but Jen held me while I cried after writing the email and she assured me we would be okay my sisters also reached out to me after reading the email I apologized to Charlotte for not being able to continue reconciling like she wanted but

she told me it was okay and it's not my fault I had to cut them off again the response from my family has been pretty mixed some are angry I aired out family issues on a public internet Forum While others are pissed at my parents because they never knew it was this bad the last person I talked to about everything was Mark he asked if I was cutting him off too and I told him I wasn't but I wouldn't be going out of my way to reach out to him either he didn't argue and just

wished me the best with the wedding and we haven't spoken since right now Jen and I are looking for a new place to stay the plan is to move closer to Jen's brother he lives about 3 hours from where we are now in Jen and I like the city he's in I spoke to my boss about transferring and Jen is looking into the option of working 100% remotely or possibly finding a new job and once again our venue is changed since the guest list is significantly smaller my full is considering letting us use his lake

house for our wedding I don't plan to post any more about this unless the sky falls at least not until the wedding because I want to move on with life but I'll try to answer any questions some of you might have thanks and Happy Holidays edit it took a few days to post this and I had to keep removing details before I could actually post it if anything's unclear I'll answer as many questions as I can comment ments where op has replied your mom might try to figure out where you move too aha I'm already

anticipating the aftermath of moving she's going to follow us when we move because that's the kind of crazy she is when she doesn't get her way she becomes obsessive until she's forced to stop I spoke with a lawyer friend of mine to see about a possible restraining order to stop her before she starts thanks for the well wishes happy holidays did Mom read the comments according to Sophie she's read a lot of them and doesn't think Reddit strangers have the right to tell her she's a bad person LOL I don't think there's any amending left

in me wish them the best just as far from me and my family as possible