Spent My Life Savings on My Jobless Boyfriend While He Chased His Dreams. After a Year & $25,000...

spent my life savings on my jobless boyfriend while he chased his dreams after a year and $25,000 I finally cut him off when he said I was the one using him my boyfriend and I started dating in July of 2014 he is the biggest Optimist in the world and lived a pretty cushy life as the only child of divorced parents we both lived separately and had jobs that covered all our bills and then some he bought an expensive sports car gaming computer and purebred dog important later he was in school while I had graduated a

year year before and started work at my first big kid job life was great and the first 6 months were some of the happiest times of my life the first week of January 2015 he was wrongfully terminated from his job a new supervisor was on the war path to replace everyone on bf's shift with his friends and waited until the new year after the holiday Rush was over to start cleaning house government sided with BF during the unemployment claim and bf started receiving benefits he decided to focus on finishing school instead of looking for more

work this where the crack started he was supposed to graduate that may but he failed a class and couldn't so he had to go to school in the summer in June his savings ran out and he could either afford his car payment and insurance or rent his lease was up at the end of July so I agreed to pay his rent and he could move in with me in July and finished school he found out weeks before he was supposed to graduate that he needed one particular elective to get out he had to go to

school that fall two I demanded he get a job to help with expenses as I wasn't planning on having to support him for so long a month or two fine 6 months no he got a job as an insurance agent for an extremely reputable company at the end of July turns out this job is commission-based being The Optimist he is the manager talk of being able to make unlimited amounts of money Drew him in I paid for him to take the certification tests he needed to work and he started trying to build a client based

selling structured Financial products he made and makes nothing he'll have a $700 Payday for a small close then nothing for months he's out there busting his ass every day but building a financial client base from scratch without any family privilege or existing networks is ridiculously hard in sep 2015 we downsized from my fancy downtown apartment to a POS house on the edge of the ghetto I paid the security deposit and double rent at both places for a month as that's how the lease overlaps worked out totaling about $3,500 by November my savings was almost gone

and I had to liquidate shares of My Family Trust on which I took a penalty as my my grandfather did not want us to access it before age 25 to get us by by deck I had $300 in savings and nothing left in my family trust I had spent about $177,000 since July supporting us his job he needed money to take clients out for lunch and coffee his dog and my dog since September we had been having recurring fights about money and chores I expected him to pick up 90% of the housework as his way

of paying me back he never shaped up on either front he just kept repeating to me the same same things that his manager said to him to draw him in it'll get better everyone struggles at first if you hang on you'll make it once I make it we'll be rolling in it every time we had a fight every time 2 weeks before Christmas we had this fight again and I demanded he do something other than feed me inspirational quotes I left the house in a rage and drove to buy cigarettes I was thinking of who

I should text and asked to crash for the night when I got angry no I'm not crashing on someone's couch while he lives on the house I pay for sleeps in the bed I pay for and eats the food I pay for I returned home and gave him 10 days to pack his and get out he moved into his dad's house and I spent Christmas morning chilling with my dog and returning his presence online we started hanging out again in January of this year and things seemed to be going well for his business enough for

him to consider getting an apartment I told him he could move back in and if we couldn't split expenses evenly at first he had to get serious about doing chores and sticking to my budget it was fine at first but by April he wasn't doing any chores and I was back to paying 100% of his and his dogs living expenses he also was about to not meet quara for that quarter and asked me to sign up for a policy and then reverse it after quarter end so I'd be reimbursed I lost my on him I

work in capital markets I can't afford to commit financial fraud for him I told him I've sacrificed enough for him he can't come for my Integrity too bonus the friend who he did rope into doing the Reversed policy still hasn't been reimbursed 5 months later we had another another blowout fight and he majorly stepped up on the chores front which is sustained to this day money was still touch and go when he didn't get paid his fancy car ated up every month he landed a big case in May and paid his half rent in June

for the first time and offered to pay all of July which he did by the second week of July he was completely broke again and told me last minute he couldn't pay August rent I had to scramble to get the cash needed in one account to send the check he couldn't afford to pay for his half of groceries like he promised either so that was a scramble too I'm so sick of this I work an incredible job for my age paid off all my college debt 8 months after graduation and own my car yet I'm

living paycheck to paycheck supporting him there's always something even if it's a legitimate something that keeps him from paying his half it's been a year and there hasn't even been marginal Improvement his job is meant for Filthy Rich trust fund kids who can afford to be this broke while they build their client base I admire his optimism but he's not suffering for listening to it I I am I have enabled him far too long and after the most recent fight about money I realized he is too immature to be trying his hand at this job

he complains when he meets with clients that spend their money on cars and trips and toys instead of buying a policy from him when he blew his money on a car and a gaming PC when he had a steady paying job he has no problem having regular circular fights with me yet won't ask his parents for help because that would be awkward and I don't want to lose his father's respect he's hurt that I don't trust his promises when he's barely kept any of them from his graduation date to his bills to chores he is

too immature to see the larger picture and because I've been enabling him to a fault he has never needed to because the consequences don't fall on him they fall on me last night I told him I'm not renewing the lease and I'm moving out by myself he followed me around the house pleading with me and asking me questions how do you feel about me what about us where will I go what will it take for you to let me come with you questions I have answered every single fight questions he needs to answer because it's

his life I refused to answer them again and went to bed he stood in the doorway and said that stupid Marilyn Monro quote about not deserving people at their best if you can't handle them at your worst I said he was totally allowed to feel that way and walk he shut himself in the computer room and slept on the couch that night I can't believe he feels like I'm abandoning him after all I've done he doesn't understand how hurtful it is when he tries to pay his half of rent and bills by spouting off platitudes

about struggle and success it makes me feel so disrespected and I have told him this every fight and despite having this fight regularly it's like he's not even listening to me why would he I haven't made myself worthy of respect by being his financial doormat and not sticking to my boundaries at this point I feel he is using me as a safety net he knows I won't let him or his dog starve so he doesn't make himself care about coming up with the money for food he is diluted by his optimism so much so that

he breaks every optimistic promise he makes to me he talks about how he thinks a client will buy an expensive plan but then they get the cheap one and now he can't pay rent he talks about how he met loads of people at a networking event but only three call him back and he needs money to take them out he says he's set to get 40% enrollment on a corporate contract but only gets 11% so he can't pay for groceries this week I used to think he was lying to me but now I see he's

lying to himself he hasn't matured at all and grounded his expectations in reality because I've been standing in the way of it because of this I don't trust him to give me a realistic end date to supporting him because he'll probably be wrong about that too and now that I'm done being his Atlas and holding his world together he's starting to panic it bothers me so much that he didn't take me seriously until I let the hammer drop on him as it should have been in the beginning the irony is not lost on me that

he's a broke financial adviser I missed the first 6 months of this relationship when he had a job that paid well enough to cover up his financial immaturity I could have taught him a few things that might have stuck instead of picking up all the slack and mommying the ever living out of him I miss going to to sit down dinners and football games and movies with him I missed the feing I had a month after I met him where I knew I would marry him now I'm not sure at all I'm sad I love

him it's a burdensome tether instead of the inner flame it used to be and maybe this is my own fatal optimism speaking but that guy is still there buried underneath all this he just has to grow the out of it and take his own risks to learn his own lessons I can't even explain how badly I want the guy I met back I'm tearing up writing this I agreed to him moving back in this year because according to him he only needed a few more months to make it and be stable and I wanted that

for him so badly so we could go back to enjoying life together my hope is hamstringing me just like it's doing to him can our relationship survive now that I'm seriously taking steps to ensure it doesn't bankrupt me or am I being stupid and thinking anything will change will he move in with his dad and just get him to be the new enabler what am I doing wrong that's preventing him from understanding how I feel comments where op has replied commenter one no you couldn't have people have to want to learn for lessons to stick

I understand why you're having trouble walking away because his strengths and weaknesses are so closely tied but you'd be making the exact same mistake he is by staying doubling down on a bad decision because you're convinced you can turn it around with just a little more time and investment he can't and you can't either stop feeding into the sunk cost fallacy and go oop this is so true I'm a realist from an abusive home so he was such a bright light of positivity when I met him now it's burning me you're so right about me

making the same mistake I know what I have to do it's going to suck doing it but I'm worth it to myself at least commenter to there's no hope you cannot change anyone but yourself he's the only one who can change himself instead of changing he's doubling down on a philosophy that has proven to be a failure why isn't he getting another job even if he can't let himself kill this dream and quit he can at least work a second job one that would actually pay minimum wage oop he still has office hours during the

day and it infuriates me that they don't pay him for that he can't get a second job for that reason as he's meeting clients before and after Common working hours he can't even be an Uber driver because his fancy car is on the restricted cars list and if he's going to take my car too I hate his stupid car so much it represents how financially immature he is because he didn't even use his money wisely when he had it and continues to him to this day did I mention he hasn't paid taxes or registered it

either because he doesn't have the money not sure who will be paying that inevitable ticket but it sure as hell won't be me update well a lot has happened since I made my first post I guess I'll address it sequentially since that's how I'm operating right now moment to moment after I made that post I decided to truly cut him off I changed the Wi-Fi password froze the credit card I gave him applied to close our joint accounts and threw out any gifts I ever gave him we were planning on attending a dork convention over

Labor Day in Atlanta for those familiar with the con scene that I had budgeted paying for both of us over a year ago I told him he couldn't go unless he paid for his half of the hotel and tickets $600 not sure why I did this instead of shooting straight and admitting he was out of his gourd if he thought he could go shouldn't have played any games but I'm kind of glad I did because he told me he'd have $1,000 to me by the end of August over text two in writing I was floored

suddenly he can come up with money for a weekend of partying and a chance to reel me back in I said I would apply that to August bill then he could start paying down the rest of the till a dollar 25k he owed me for supporting him this past year before he could spend his money on luxuries like out of state vacations this was over text and he never responded and slept on the couch again that night that was a Friday Saturday morning he left the house around 9:00 a.m. with his dog leaving all of

his crap in my house I piled all of his and his dog stuff under his desk and got rid of any pictures of him around the house I blocked him everywhere but Facebook and text I went to two rental house show loved one of them and the landlord put a deposit down that day went on multiple walks with my dog as well as a long trip to the dog park and celebrated SL vented SL drank wine through Twizzlers with my nextdoor neighbor and her boyfriend xbf never returned that night Sunday I spent the day working

on cosplays and outfits for the Convention as well as goofing off with my neighbor and dog it was lovely I kept waiting for this wave of sadness and regret to hit me but it never did he had been out for 24 hours and his name wasn't on the lease I texted him that his claim to residency was gone and he needed to come get his things with 24 hours notice he said he was coming that night I said 24 hours notice he agreed to Monday evening Monday he picks up his stuff in his father's truck

and gives me back the key hours after he left he added a song to our shared YouTube playlist Say Something by A Great Big World I added Gravity by Sarah burelis and two goodbye Drake then removed his access to the playlist the next morning yay Middle School communication methods Wednesday his best friend texts me like nothing is wrong Thursday I text my ex about when I can expect his check in the mail he doesn't respond Friday morning I email him at this point as far as I can tell he's gone no contact with me I

send him one last email a day later basically stating that and he asks me to Coffee Sunday night we met up for coffee he never mentions repayment at all but in the discussion about our feelings we both felt the same way about this betrayed abandoned hurt and DED trustful of the other person he felt I had lied when I said I was fine supporting him and basically insinuated that I wouldn't want to be repaid if I believed in us because otherwise I was actually loaning him money under the guise of love and setting him up

to fail when I realized he felt just as used as me because I cut him off from my money I knew I was done my stomach sank like a weight I let him finish talking then we parted ways he asked if he could contact me I said I needed a break the next day I emailed him about the $1,000 he promised me and reminded him he never discussed repayment at our meeting he didn't respond for days then the day I was set to leave town for the convention he replies saying the money was on the

way cool it can sit in my mailbox for 5 days while I'm out of state also during this time he was telling mutual friends we were going through a rough patch yet my friends were finding him on Tinder in OKC I partied my tail off for the entire convention and when I came back the check was in an unpost marked envelope in my mailbox I cashed it and sent him an email telling him such and asked that he use snail mail for for future repayments instead of trespassing on my property when he knows I won't

be home I seriously wonder if he was looking for the spare key I left with the dog sitter so creepy he replied to that email with some mushy I love you and I know I up things claiming he is too nice and can't say no in his urge to help others makes him neglect himself and he needs to work on that it was the most laughable apology on Earth I was so nice and helpful that I couldn't stop myself from draining you of all your money and energy my bad I replied you broke my heart

and my bank account it will be a long time before they're both fixed and my then I hope I won't be stupid enough to trust you with them a third time I will be responding to emails about repayment otherwise good luck with everything he replied if I could take everything back that I did I would I love you name with all my heart I could have prevented it all I could have taken action but I let you slip away and that'll be one of the biggest mistakes of my life I'm truly sorry for hurting you

I just want you to be happy that's all I've ever wanted I moved out of the house we lived in to a similar one a few streets away moving helped keep me busy enough to not think about this I threw out all our momentos and pictures and in the process so everything in the new place is all me just me now I'm settled in and it feels like it hasn't hit me that it's over I thought I would be crushed and there were some lonely moments at the convention that caught me up enough to need

a cigarette but I just feel humiliated I don't even have the urge to check his Instagram every time I see a picture of him it just reminds me of how stupid and and naive I am for thinking he was my one I'm also super distrustful of my feelings now because of that it wasn't a question in my mind when I met him that we'd be together forever I knew I wanted to spend my life with him like my name like a fact I see cute people out or have great conversations but I have no desire

for anything more because I feel like my feelings aren't trustworthy enough to Merit acting on them they led me so far astray last time but that's it I guess it's over and life is going on comment where op has replied comment or one I remember seeing your original post and wondering to myself what would happen you handled this masterfully and it's obvious you are much better off mentally and emotionally for dropping him from your life you just sound happier in your writing and for that I'm glad for you just keep putting one foot in front

of the other smile oop thanks it creeps me out how quickly he became a stranger right in front of my eyes anyway the convention was helpful for jump starting the old single thing again ha that's the path I'll be on for a bit