"A man without a job is a sinner" "No one would date him," "No one would want to marry him. " "In the job interview you're told," "you're a man," "you might be a potential child abuser," "so you won't get this job," "you won't even be considered. " "Having a job isn't enough to get married.
" "The man needs to earn more. " "Don't get married. " "All relationships with women are useless.
" "Remain a single 'chill guy. '" "Forget about getting child custody. " "Many men aren't allowed to see their children for years.
" Hello, friends! When people came to know about Atul Subhash's shocking case, it caused quite an uproar on social media. Perhaps for the first time in India, Men's Issues became a topic for mainstream discussion.
People started talking about how our country's unfair legal system, judicial system, and corrupt government system are used as weapons to harass men. "Atul Subhash" "Men don't get justice. " "The root of this issue is IPC Section 498A.
" But this isn't a stand-alone case. In reality, this issue runs much deeper. But there isn't a lot of serious mainstream discussion.
Most of the discourse on this issue is based on marital relationships. Section 498A is often discussed. This section talks about domestic violence.
This section is frequently used as a trap in divorce cases. The situation is so bad that 2 years ago, the Supreme Court expressed concerns regarding the misuse of Sec 498A. The Court stated that the objective of this section was to prevent the cruelty on women by their husbands.
It noted that there was an increasing tendency where wives were using it to settle personal scores against their husbands and his relatives. Some people made associations to help such suffering husbands. There were protests too.
"These men here are worshipping the tree to cancel their wives' prayers when they asked to be married for 7 lifetimes. " These happened before Atul Subhash's case. Apart from this, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are discussed how the poor guy suffers because of his girlfriend's tantrums.
The girl suddenly stops talking without telling him why and he has to keep guessing. Or the pressure on boyfriends to "create moments. " Comedians often talk about this.
"This one time we were sitting together, and she was like, 'Oi, create a moment. '" "I asked her how can I create a moment when I'm driving. " "She said that's the problem.
" "I wasn't talking to her while driving. " "And because I wasn't saying anything, she won't remember the drive later. " "So I hit a pole.
" Apart from man-woman relationships, some videos express the dilemma of how if the man is soft-hearted, he's told he isn't manly enough. And if he isn't expressive enough, he's told he has no feelings. Anil Kapoor's video from the film Total Dhamaal went viral on Instagram.
It has more than 2 million likes. "Men are like this. " "Talk to your wife nicely in front of your mother, you're called whipped.
Talk to your mother nicely in front of your wife, you're called a mama's boy. Be strict with your children, and you're a monster. But if you don't say anything, you don't care enough.
If you're out the whole day, you're a player. If you stay at home the whole day, you're a bum. " The paradox here is because patriarchal mindset and progressive mindset coexist in our society.
If a man doesn't want his wife to go out and work, progressive people criticise him saying that he's being insecure and controlling. But if someone's wife contributes to the family income, and earns more than her husband, patriarchal people taunt the man and his manhood. No one can please both the progressive people and the patriarchal people at once.
That's why the better option is to have a progressive mindset. But my point here is that, the discussion on men's issue things that most people on social media are talking about, is only at a superficial level. It's quite easy for this discussion to become misogynistic.
You'd find people claiming that all girls are the same. How troublesome it is to have a girlfriend. Asking you to stay away from the problem known as marriage.
There's another extreme at the other end. Where women claim that all men are the same. And that women should stay away from men.
Amidst these extremes, the serious discussion on men's issues is easily overlooked. So friends, in today's video, let's discuss this in depth. Before moving on with this video, I'd like to tell you two things.
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Friends, you might remember my video on Feminism from a few months ago. There I talked about how feminism talks about equal rights for women. In itself, this ideology isn't anti-men.
That's why all over the world, men like Barrack Obama, Chris Hemsworth, Farhan Akhtar, and many more male celebrities call themselves feminists. One of the obvious logical reasons for men being feminists is that they want a better world for the women in their lives including their mothers, wives, and daughters. They aim for fairness.
But the second reason wasn't very obvious. Men have been victims of patriarchy too. I mentioned Kamla Bhasin's Ted Ex talk Patriarchy Dehumanises Men.
How patriarchy has led to emotional castration among men. "Patriarchy has made you unidimensional. " "By God, you know nothing except how to earn money.
" "No sewing, embroidery, knitting, making snacks, cooking, not even raising kids, the only thing you know is how to be a machine to earn money. " Similar to how talking about women's issues isn't an attack on men, talking about men's issues isn't against women. And then there are some men's issues discussions on which hasn't even begun.
Such as Paternity Fraud. Where a woman cheats on her husband, and he isn't the biological father of her child. But he believes that he is.
Societal attitude is very problematic when it comes to this. A society that upholds toxic masculinity, mocks the man saying that he couldn't even "control" his wife. Secondly, the legal complications of this do not favour the men.
There's the related issue of Child Custody too. If a couple divorces, who gets custody of the child? Read this article, An RTI to the Thane Family Court revealed that of the 83 child custody matters, in only 2 cases, did the father get custody.
This RTI was filed by a husband who hadn't even seen his 5-year-old son, for the last 2 years. Forget about getting child custody, many men aren't even allowed to see their children for years. They need to apply every time they want to meet their children.
A businessman based in Bandra said that despite having an Access Order, he can't meet his child. Then there's men's rape. Female rape victims face a lot of stigma in society.
Saying that she's lost all respectability. People all her impure. But if a man is raped by another man, He has to face a different kind of stigma.
It's said that he isn't a man anymore. During war, men's rape is like a dark secret. At times some of these stories seep through the cracks.
In jail, men are raped by fellow criminals. This happens in our society too. But it is heavily under-reported.
From America to India, it's quite common to make jokes about men being raped in mass media. From stand-up comedies to casual conversations. Male rape is trivialised.
Generally, people use it when trying to insult someone. In such circumstances, think about the non-existent recovery measures for male rape survivors. What does the law have to say about this?
Friends, you'd remember that the Supreme Court has partially struck down Section 377, after which homosexuality was decriminalised a few years ago. Same-sex relations between consenting adults are legally allowed. But this was the section which talked about Forced Sodomy too.
It dealt with men's rape. On 14th June, Uttar Pradesh police arrested 4 people, for an alleged gang-rape of a 23-year-old man. After this, the victim committed suicide.
Police arrested these 4 people under section 377. But now, in the new Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, there are no provisions for men's and transgender person's rape. You heard it right.
Ever since the Modi government replaced IPC with BNS, men's rape has stopped being a crime in our country. What do you have to say to this? "Modi makes it possible" The second major issue is Male Depression.
As a boy grows up, an important aspect of being human is taken away from him. His softness. All soft toys, dolls, fairytales, some colours are permanently taken away from his colour box, like the colours pink and magenta.
His geometry box, his clothes, the walls of his room, cannot be pink. And why not? Because it's a girly colour.
Girls are soft, and boys should be kept away from softness. Boys are told to be tough. Boys are conditioned to like violent films, action films, gangster films, boxing films, and things like WWE.
While girls are supposed to like lovey-dovey romantic films and emotional TV serials. You might not think that this matters, it's only about their preferences. This doesn't hurt boys.
But this isn't the only softness taken away from men. Even tears are taken away from boys. Because crying is a sign of softness.
Boys claim that they can do anything for their friends, but they always hesitate to share their problems with their friends. "You aren't allowed to cry. " "Your mother passed away," "but boys aren't allowed to cry.
" "Emotional castration. " In 2020 a study was conducted in the UK on 260 participants. It found that in female friendships, intimacy was a major characteristic.
While in male friendships, engaging in social activities is a major feature. That's why female friendships are more fragile. They fall apart more easily.
If women can't meet their friends for a long time, they haven't talked, they feel like they aren't close anymore. And without this intimacy, the friendship falls apart. But it's completely different for men.
Even if men don't talk to their friends for months or years, they would still consider each other good friends. This study was conducted in 2022 on 153 participants, This showed that for boys friendship means having fun together, while girls want intimacy and support. This has been seen repeatedly across numerous studies.
This 1988 study concluded that women want to talk in friendships. They want to share their problems. And men just want to engage in common activities.
Playing a sport together, getting together to have a drink, or going to watch movies together. The question we need to ask is why are men like this? Why don't they share personal problems with their friends?
The reason is the same internal fear, that they might be considered to be 'soft. ' If he cries in front of his friends, he might be made fun of, for crying 'like a girl. ' Their manliness would be questioned.
That's why they continue suffering alone. And this prolonged suffocation turns into depression and oftentimes, this ends in suicide. The data on male suicide rates is very clear.
This is a common trend all over the world, that males die by suicide more than females. This is valid across almost every country. In the UK, the male suicide rate is 15.
5 deaths per 100,000. For women, it is 4. 9 per 100,000.
In Australia, men are thrice as likely to die by suicide than women. This rate is 3. 5 times in the US.
And it's the same story in India too. NCRB report states that in 2021, around 165,000 people died by suicide, about 120,000 of them were males and 45,000 females. WHO data reveals that across the world in 40% of the countries, the male suicide rate is more than 15 per 100,000 men.
Whereas, globally, only 1. 5% of the countries see such high suicide rates among women. It's not like women don't get depression.
In fact, if you look at depression data from most of the countries, The depression diagnosis rates are higher among women. WHO quoted multiple studies and stated that depression is 50% more common among women than among men. But more males die by suicide.
The Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,500 people suffering from mental health problems. Of them, 28% of males reported that they did not seek medical help. While this number was at 19% among females.
These numbers show that men don't share their feelings with their friends or family, and will hesitate to seek medical help from a psychotherapist too. Joseph Harper is a therapist. In an article in the Washington Post, he wrote that he has seen women literally drag their sons or husbands into his office.
And then he has to struggle with getting these men to open up about their emotional issues. Most of the men have the same answer. "It's not a big deal.
" And that they were forced to go to therapy by the women in their lives. And they claim that she is overreacting. Well, talking to the therapist comes later, the truth is, they don't even acknowledge to themselves that they are depressed.
They feel the need to prove themselves as a manly man for society, and they are also under the pressure of maintaining their self-image. They tell themselves that they're a man. They can't be depressed, it's a useless concept.
Most men don't even recognise the symptoms of depression, They remain in denial mode and keep ignoring it. The symptoms of depression differ among men and women. Women are often sad and cry more, but men can't appear to be sad in front of others, they can't cry.
That's why in such situations, anger and aggressive behaviour are seen among men. And many men fall into substance abuse and alcohol abuse. Drnking alcohol relaxes their nerves and helps them sleep better.
But actually, alcohol leads to more depression. This barrier to softness for men affects their career choices too. Some careers are so stigmatised for men that boys wouldn't even consider those careers fearing society's criticism.
Girls have to go through similar problems too. It's said that the hard and tough type careers aren't for women. But fortunately, this situation is changing for women.
In 1988 Surekha Yadav became the first female train driver in India. In 1993, Vasanthakumari became Asia's first female bus driver. In 2000, women's weightlifting was introduced in the Olympics.
that year, India's Karnam Malleswari won the bronze medal at the Olympics. In 2006, Harshini Kanhekar became India's first woman firefighter. In 2018, Avani Chaturvedi became the first Indian woman to fly a fighter jet.
In November 2021, our Army granted Permanent Commission to 577 women officers serving Short Service Commission. Traditionally, the STEM careers, careers in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics, were considered to be a taboo for women. But today we have shining examples of Kalpana Chawla and Sunita Williams who went to space.
In 2021, Indian mathematician Neena Gupta won the Ramanujan Prize for algebraic geometry. Having a female science or maths teacher in schools isn't rare any more. Gradually, women are entering the areas which were earlier believed to be male-specific.
Women are admired and encouraged to do this. But no one is talking about it from the male perspective. No one is asking why men cannot be nursery school teachers.
In the UK's pre-schools, only 2% of teachers are male. This 2019 report by the US Bureau of Statistics states that only 3% of pre-school teachers are male. This percentage is a bit higher in countries like Norway around 10%.
Some people claim that having male teachers in pre-schools increases the risk of child abuse. This isn't an entirely baseless concern but is the solution to stigmatise all men because we fear that some may be potential p***phile offenders? To keep all men away from a career?
Think about it, if you go to apply for a job, and you're told that you won't be considered because you are a man and a potential child abuser. The straightforward solution is thorough background checks. Aaron is a preschool teacher.
In this article on Slate. com, he wrote that he knows many female teachers who let students sit on their laps without any hesitation. But male teachers hesitate to do so.
Aaron suggests having clear written policies regarding this. About the kinds of touches allowed and disallowed between educators and their students. Only then would the situation be comfortable for all.
It's also a good idea to have one male and one female teacher in every pre-school classroom. This isn't about only those men who want to be preschool teachers. This is important for the emotional development of the students.
Many psychological studies have shown that, if we wish to create a gender-equitable society, males need to enter and be accepted in caring roles. Pre-school male teachers can be masculine role models for the children. They can show that men should have traits like patience and compassion.
Apart from this, some researchers present a different argument if, in a classroom, male and female teachers are in the same role, the children would see them behave interchangeably, and it would leave a positive impression on them. The same issue is seen beyond schools in our families. Many children have divorced parents and stay away from their father, and many fathers are busy with the traditional earning roles and do not have time for their children.
and then some fathers think that their role is only to scold the child. These situations highlight the importance of male preschool teachers even more. Chennai's Abu Siddique had a high-paying engineering job.
One day he decided to teach young children. So he quit his job and enrolled at a Montessori training institute. He was the only man in the classroom of 40 women.
After completing the training, when he started looking for a job, all schools refused to hire him. Only because he is a man. Eventually, his brother and he started their own school, Orange Pre-Montessori School.
He says that when children will see a man singing nursery rhymes, telling them stories, drawing, they will realise that teaching is a gender-neutral profession. Being a therapist is another such profession. According to a survey conducted in India only 8.
8% of boys want to be a psychiatrist. In America, three women earn doctoral degrees in psychology for every one man. There's a shortage of male therapists.
When navigating their own emotions is so difficult, how will they help others navigate theirs? The same patience and compassion are needed here. It's the same for nursing careers too.
When I use the word 'nurse' you'd imagine a female person. You have to specify "male nurse" if talking about a man. In 2021, in America, only 13.
3% of the registered nurses were males. And in 2019, in the UK only 11% of the nursing staff was male. 4.
9% in Japan, and only 1% in China. In India, around 20% of the nurses are males. Better than other countries, but a significant gender gap nonetheless.
The presumed 'softness' of the career isn't the only obstacle for men. Another obstacle is that men need to earn more. And being unemployed is a sin for a man.
No one would want to date him or marry him. In 2012, a dating service It's Just Lunch did a study which showed that 66% of males were open to dating an unemployed woman. But when women were asked this, only 25% of women were willing to date an unemployed man.
If they weren't willing to date them marriage is nearly unthinkable. Socialist Alka Basu and Sneha Kumar examined NFHS data, and saw a clear-cut connection between unemployment and delayed marriages. Having an employed man isn't enough for a marriage, the man must earn more.
A study was published a few years ago in the Journal of Marriage and Family, where it was found that even though women are considerably educated now, they're earning and breaking gender barriers, most women still want an earning husband. This has been a persistent demand. This isn't limited to women's demand.
Many men wouldn't be comfortable otherwise. In a study at the University of Bath, 6,000 married couples were interviewed. It was found that men get stressed if their wives earn more than them.
That's why it's acceptable for women to have a career as preschool teachers or nurses. Because there the aspiration is to be a working individual. But men working in such low-paying careers are frowned upon in society.
People have unquestionable respect for female nurses, but they ask male nurses why they couldn't be a doctor. They ask male preschool teachers why they chose to teach kindergarteners, instead of being a secondary school teacher. This mindset is entirely wrong.
whether someone is a secondary school teacher or a KG teacher, a doctor or a nurse, they need different skill sets and face different challenges. Every profession contributes to society. Think about it, friends, when it's so difficult for a man to choose a low-paying career, how difficult would it be for a man to be a homemaker?
"I want to be like my mother. " -"What did she do? " -"She was a housewife.
" "You've gone mad! " "You're a man! " "In case you've forgotten, go inside and take a look at what's in your pants.
" You must have seen many women working as housewives. But have you ever seen a househusband? Women take a career break to raise their children, they are praised, as they should be.
But if a man wants to do that, to be a full-time dad, does he have this option? Whether in society, private jobs, or government jobs, 'Child Care Leave' is only for women. Only in some developed countries is it acceptable for men to take a childcare leave.
Warren Farrell is an American political scientist, he has written 7 books on men's issues and women's issues. In a Ted Ex talk he mentioned that he was once approached by a grateful person. Warren's men's group had empowered him.
He had been ignoring his wife and children because of his work pressure. He got divorced. He remarried.
Had a child with his second wife. And now he didn't want to repeat his previous mistakes. So he chose to be a full-time dad and stayed with his child.
The other members of the men's group helped convince his wife. He was John Lennon, the legendary singer of the band The Beatles. He spent years taking care of his child, while his wife Yoko Ono looked after the business.
You'd know about boxing champion Mary Kom. She wrote an open letter to her children. In it, she mentioned how much she respects her husband.
Because he decidates his time for her and their children. She talked about the label "house-husband" and reminded her children that it is not derogatory. It's not an insult.
She called her husband her partner and her strength. The person with her every step of the way. These are some of the rare positive examples.
Because this is largely uncommon in our society. Nearly impossible. Neither should a woman be forced to sacrifice her career, nor should a man have to face the stigma of being a househusband.
A part of the problem is that being a homemaker is stigmatised in itself. Only a working woman is seen as being powerful. Women are given decision-making power only when they have an income.
This discourse is entirely wrong. How can looking after a household be inferior work? What can be more noble than raising one's children?
Basically, the thing is, who will look after the household and who will work should be decided only by the couple. Friends, this is how many men's issues and women's issues are intertwined. And need to be solved together.
Similar to how everyone should come together for women's issues, we need to come together and raise our voices for men's issues too. Every person who believes in equality whether they're male or female. But what's happening now?
This fight for gender equality has turned into a blame game. After Atul Subhash's case, there were countless hateful social media posts. Many men claim that all women are like this.
People tweeted seriously that it's better not to get married. All sorts of relationships with women are bad ideas. Urging others to be a single 'chill guy.
' On the other hand, people talk about crimes against women. Then many women start tweeting, "all men are to blame. " They blame all men.
"Every man is the same and men should always be doubted. " The solution doesn't lie in blaming each other. Turning half of the population into our enemy.
On the contrary, the solution is working together. Looking for good people and fostering love and trust. If you marry someone solely based on their caste, religion, or wealth, do not be surprised when later on these values would be prioritised.
The basis for marriage should be how much you love each other. Whether you like them and trust them and how well the two of you fit together. Look at the person's good nature and qualities when choosing someone.
When you do this, there's almost negligible chance that someone would try to exploit you later on. And on the other hand, if wealth is the foundation of your marriage, it isn't surprising that later on you will be exploited for your wealth. This is applicable for men and women both.
Learn to recognise people whom you can trust. The more people understand this, the less reliant we'll be on our failing legal judicial system, and the corrupt government system. But the solution to these failing systems comes with them.
Because more than the law, the problem with the system lies with how the laws are being implemented. Whether it is Atul Subhash's case, Pune Porsche case, BMW Road Accident case, or the RG Kar Hospital case, all these cases point to this one failing system, that we need to come together to improve. Hope you liked the video; the link to the courses is in the description below.
Use coupon code NY50 to get 50% off. Now, you can click here to watch my video on Feminism, to understand the other side of this problem. I'll say it again, men's issues and women's issues are the two faces of the same coin.
Click here to watch it. Thank you very much!
