a lot of your life is driven by pain and it's a brutal thing that none of us really want to swallow because to actually be honest about that requires that we now start doing something in order to change so we like to Simply avoid that and that only leads to more pain more unnecessary suffering we like to think that a lot of our decisions and actions are based off of things like reason and logic and like this critical thinking but we actually kind of just lie to ourselves a lot of our behaviors a lot of
our worldview a lot of our beliefs they're actually based off of inner pain and just simply the avoidance of pain this is what is controlling a lot of our behavior and I want to actually start to discuss this so that you can start to become more aware of this Dynamic and learn how to relate to this dynamic in a way that actually serves you rather than in a way that is unconsciously making your life worse because avoiding pain isn't this horrible thing it's pretty nice to not one to jab a knife through your hand but
when it comes to the avoidance of emotional pain and stored pain within the psyche as well this is where things actually kind of begin to backfire we can have all sorts of behaviors in our life that are strictly just coping mechanisms or ways that we just avoid certain parts of our own psyche and they remain repressed and when they're repressed they are still having massive impacts on our lives without us even knowing it so we like to think that yeah what we're doing and what we're thinking and all this stuff it's reasonable logical it's hard
critical thought but in actuality it's just like this Shadow stuff this conscious phenomena that's really pulling all the strings around 95% of your life is actually controlled by unconscious conditioning it's not even actually controlled by you so much so a lot of your life is organizing around the avoidance of pain let's just talk about this one in a little bit of depth so you can kind of grapple with this idea a lot of your behavioral patterns are simply ways to avoid emotional triggers so a lot of people unconsciously actually just structure their life in a
way to just avoid pain so for example someone with abandonment fears might overcommit to relationships in order or just avoid them entirely I think a really good example is the phone nowadays though I think this is just like the prime example that we're all kind of facing that there is so much distraction so much stimulation and we can be bored sad anxious we don't really know what to do with our lives we don't have much of a vision for our lives we're kind of lost we don't find meaning or purpose in a lot of things
we don't have anything greater to really aspire to right we just don't have that Vision we don't have anyone to motivate us or to help guide us so we just kind of get lost in pleasure we get lost waking up and scrolling on our phone and on Instagram and reacting to a lot of the and sickening cultural trends that we see and this kind of fills up a lot of our psychological space and really when we started investigating why we really want to do all this stuff like I said you know like a vision and
all that stuff I said but even beneath all that stuff there is just pain there's just pure pain that we don't want to actually experience that we're just trying to avoid so we have physical things that we do like grabbing our phone and scrolling on it in order to cope with emotions in order to cope with pain of course even overeating or just kind of on the couch all day various aspects of your career can literally be built on this and they are you can really look into every domain of your life and start applying
this lens of like how am I actually avoiding avoiding my own unconscious pain that's actually stored in me right look into your relationships your career your health your daily habits you'll find it this is a very useful sort of lens for actually cleaning up your life this is an incredibly powerful lens for seeing the truths that are controlling you but you don't really want to admit those truths cuz even to come face to face with this truth that a lot of your life is just the avoidance of pain this is something that's already hard to
actually admit and again I want to make a clear distinction between like physical pain that actually harms your body versus repressed pain and emotional pain and psychological pain that is highly unnecessary so we create routines habits and even identities designed to Shield us from pain often at the expense of growth or authenticity typically both growth and authenticity so our entire sense of who we are can be built around the avoidance of pain and our ego our sense of self is exactly that our ego is a defensive mechanism that we use to actually simply avoid pain
and navigate the world and it's our sense of self really you can check out some of my older videos on on ego I upload them fairly recently but we can kind of think of the ego as this sort of like inner trickster using kind of slight of hand and deception and the redirecting of our attention to kind of control us while keeping all that unconscious stuff that we don't really want to see hidden that's like a prime element of the ego Prime element of human corruption really so we can talk a little bit more about
where this in pain comes from and I'm sure a lot of you guys have a good idea childhood trauma societal conditioning these are the core things that actually begin to construct that conditioning so we can go into childhood trauma maybe neglect being overly criticized basically unmet needs and unmet unmet emotional psychological needs right so unmet needs I'm including this in a more broader category not just for food and shelter but to actually feel cared about to feel unconditionally loved to be given full attention to be very carefully attuned to we have unmet needs that have
never been resolved and the pain of not getting that need met replays itself of course in relationships and in career as well in every domain of your life because your psyche is now wired to try to avoid that pain so every time that pain Tri surface or some kind of external circumstance begins to mimic that you get reactive or avoidant or distracted of course your mind never says like you know hey like look what's going on like we're avoiding it again it just starts acting this stuff out just like that just like a conditioning and
it's extremely tricky to actually start to notice this stuff because it requires a very subtle Attunement to yourself it requires a lot of honesty as well and it requires a lot of emotional intelligence as well all this stuff is kind of tied together together within emotional intelligence being self-honest being self-aware cuz to actually come face to face with this stuff requires you to learn how to actually process emotions how to be radically honest with yourself to the point where you don't want to always be hiding stuff from yourself it requires a lot of Courage as
well because most of humanity totally avoids their inner landscape their inner world they're always distracted distracted by the outer World distracted by you name it I'm sure you're familiar with it by now so trauma as well events like heartbreak betrayal things like this various life experiences can leave lasting imprints on us and then we don't really want to revisit that pain essentially we don't really want to revisit that wound even though we know like deep down if you're kind of listening to this video and you're sincere about about this kind of work deep down you
actually know you have to actually revisit that pain that's stored in the body in order to actually heal it and start to change the patterns of your life or else that part of you is going to be stuck in time it's kind of Frozen there because that's how trauma works and it's just going to repeat itself over and over and over and over again again you built a pattern around this it's going to just replay itself and societal conditioning so certain beliefs we have about success appearance or how we should live our life various ideas
that we pick up from the environment can also be very destructive culture is very sick especially um nowadays it's very easy to see it there's no real massive World culture that is extremely healthy it just simply doesn't exist and I'm not really trying to offend any culture here but I'm trying to just be as um direct as I possibly can with this it's hard to actually discover what a healthy human being looks like because we're so easily misled and so few people read a lot of books for example on what does it even mean to
be a healthy human being what is self-actualization for example which is the higher levels of psychological development and and health actually we don't really read too much on diet on like our liver and how that works we don't really read too much on what actually is a healthy relationship like what does that really look like and start you know experimenting with things and really just kind of researching it and understanding and experimenting with stuff not a lot of people really do this we kind of just assume that we kind of already know how it works
we know what life is we run on a lot of background assumptions that we've been conditioned by and again to start to come face to face with those assumptions yeah that can be an experience of uncertainty that can be an experience of not really knowing that can really begin to put your whole worldview into question start to radically change the trajectory of your life you could have to quit your job but is it worth it I'll let you decide that for yourself and again you can see how really challenging a lot of these assumptions that
we really hold as true can also lead to more pain no one really likes the experience of feeling uncertain or not knowing or sad at the feeling of being wrong right we don't we don't really enjoy this this is something that we wake up and look forward to this is the stuff we want to avoid and I'm saying that yeah our mind creates structures around avoiding this stuff and it actually controls a lot of our life and to actually build a healthy and meaningful life you're going to have to go through all this stuff you're
going to have to go through your own inner landscape your own inner psychological emotional World in order to evolve spiritually good luck getting enlightened when you have a whole bunch of stored in your mind it's going to W won't work so we have a lot of avoidance mechanisms as I've discust right we distract ourselves potentially with work relationships substances screen time or just avoid sitting with our uncomfortable emotions in general personally I I really find it slightly funny to be honest I might be cruel but I I find it slightly interesting as well when a
lot of people simply don't want to meditate they're very very sort of seen a lot of these people in my comments actually being on YouTube for so long anti- meditation anti sitting there and just being with yourself stasis leads to death this is an actual comment I received and from my point of view I know what's really going on the Mind literally knows it unconsciously knows that if I sit there and I start facing this stuff this is going to change stuff like I'm going to have to feel that pain I'm going to have to
reorganize my life there's going to be a lot of upheaval that comes with that new awareness that I have things are going to start to shift and change and yeah emotions are going to come up can be challenging it can be difficult that's all very valid but I find it very interesting to see how um yeah we delude ourselves we actually just convince ourselves of these falsehoods in order to just avoid it in the first place just to already avoid the pain of it we don't even we can't even do step one of admitting that
I need some kind of structured practice in my life that will actually help me to be aware of myself to process emotions to watch my mind to be in my body to even admit that to yourself that yeah I need some kind of structure in my life daily that's going to help me with my own psychological well-being my own awareness cultivate myself spiritually to even admit that to yourself that yeah I need that this is already a big jump forward to be at the point where you can even admit that that's something you need as
a human being this is not something to take for granted this is already an impressive above average level of development within human beings so when pain is avoided it often manifests as defensiveness fear-based decisions overcompensation like people pleasing or perfectionism or just uh reactivity as well so we have all these like reactivity based behaviors that are very unconscious that all they throw us into this sort of figh or flighted and just overall disregulated State giving too much energy essentially we're exerting too much energy too much these behaviors keep us exhausted they keep us drained they're
literally like sucking our energy and we give it to to things that don't need it when we are actually in need of it so a lot of these patterns are unconscious like I keep stating what does that really mean so these avoidance strategies create autopilot behaviors meaning that you do them you're continuously doing them and you're not really paying attention to it you don't actually see that you're doing it can be one and another one you can actually start to see that you're doing it but you're so in so ingrained by the pattern it's so
deeply ingrained in you that it's hard to break out of it and this is often the case when people are first becoming aware they're seeing that they're stuck in these patterns but they don't really know what to do or how to make that long-term change that they're they successfully kind of like identity shift and heal and all this kind of stuff all this fancy stuff so these Old Wounds dictate how we react to situations making us feel stuck or out of control like we can't really do anything to change our situations and it kind of
just leads to like this other cycle of just remaining stuck like seeing the pattern not really knowing what to do from here and then we're kind of stuck back in it because that's just how they work they're deeply ingrained you think that you're just going to like quit like that but it's really hard the second it's ingrained in you it also becomes addictive because it's actually a part of your sense of self now it's wired into your psychology it's wired into your emotional system it's wired into your nervous system it's wired into your physical body
so to actually just get your coping mechanisms and just rip them out um people actually react like like addicts when that happens they they just like it gets pretty intense actually right you can't just kind of quit it cold turkey so of course you can actually begin to see how this would impact your career your relationships your health as well these suppressed emotions your overeating your diet patterns eating a lot of um garbage food not enough let's say organic fruits and vegetables not drinking enough water drinking too much Coca-Cola instead not having some nice fruit
smoothies you can see how you're just going to lack giving yourself the actual vitamins and minerals that you actually need in order to be well you're also going to see how um yeah this is going to take a massive toll on your psychological emotional system the repressed emotions in your body are actually going to have lasting impacts again on just simply on your physical body I don't really have to get into too much detail about how this is going to manifest in your relationship because I'm sure you can probably put it together yourself I'm going
to assume you're smart enough to but you know I'll give you a couple examples reactivity lashing out at each other repressed feelings of sadness or avoidance or like dependency on the other person in order to feel complete your career as well you might just lack the motivation to take action on some kind of creative idea that you have or that thing that you really want to do you might also just fear failure you might just always be burnt out you might fear the opinions of others in your career way too much to the point where
your career doesn't become an expression of your soul it becomes a way that you just kind of remain stuck in a box so I want to talk about how to actually heal and start to break free I want to give you just a quick list of course I mentioned uh mindful Med mindfulness meditation and just overall mindful awareness this is like the most important thing that you can actually do right if you're just a very typical normal ordinary human being this is like very fundamental because what you really need to do is to learn to
step out of your patterns to observe them NE neutrally to stop being so identified with them and always just acting them out and to just start to watch them you create that inner psychological space rather than always feeling so tense and closed all the time you create that Inner Space and just by watching just by being aware you can actually start to heal it your awareness alone is a healing phenomenon it's Curative so just by being aware you start to shift your behavior over time so observing your thoughts emotions triggers without judgment noticing patterns and
how you react to situations and tracing them back into the underlying tracing them back to underlying pain that's all very important and that's something that you really learn how to do through meditation and especially body practices Mind Body practices so yoga breath work body scanning because a lot of the pain is stored in your body so you need some kind of way to access that or else you're not going to make that shift that's actually needed emotional release and processing so allowing yourself to feel your emotions just giving yourself structured time to just feel and
practice feeling and being in your body this is all very important journaling therapy safe spaces are all really important crying shaking shouting releasing pent up energy stored in the body this can also be very valuable what does your body want to do does it want to move does it want to dance does it want to cry does it want to meditate right and be very honest but like what would really give you the shift that you actually need sometimes it wants to move what are the needs of your body right and again just be very
very honest right because it's the mind can be very deceptive here we really want what's true here what's true about this is going to really lead to that breakthrough that we need so inner child work is very important revisiting your past wounds while also developing compassion towards your wounds that compassion element is really needed without that ability to be compassionate towards your own inner child parts it's going to be very difficult to heal because the inner child is quite literally a child within you it's all those hurt child components that still have the consciousness of
a child it's stuck in you and you have to relate to it from the point of view of being a parent towards your own child meaning them with love awareness your full undivided presence and attention and just pure care so imagining your younger self and offering the love and reassurance that they lacked right that's very important um rewiring your story as well so learning to challenge a lot of your thoughts not just believing all these limiting beliefs that you continuously tell yourself on repeat learning to just challenge them and recognizing that they're formed by by
wounds things like I'm not safe I'm unworthy learning to actually just challenge this and feed those parts of your mind that need to feel that sense of worthiness and self-esteem so generate 10 reasons per day writing them down in your Journal why you're actually worthy and start to like just continuously feed that part of your psyche that's actually just being neglected in the same way how if you have a vitamin uh C deficiency right you're going to be ill right your mind needs that nutrient as well your mind your mind needs that vitamin I mean
and um without actually proactively feeding it that you can expect it to have that problem another core point is actually just seeking the support that you actually need ensuring that you actually have like-minded people around you this is very important connect with the people that you have to connect to this is going to benefit you tremendously just benefiting from the company of the wise this is something that is without a doubt needed if you can find those people congratulations if you can get access to them in online communities very valuable speaking of which I'll be
making an online community um maybe in the next month or two I'm still just kind of planning stuff working it all out getting clear about how I'm going to structure it just technical stuff and stuff related to my own personal Vision on it so your Old Wounds don't have to control your life you can actually heal shift change and actually feel more rejuvenated feel like you're not always giving so much energy not always feeling exhausted cutting out the distractions once and for all once and for all no more phone so you create the freedom basically
by healing these parts of yourself by coming into contact with these parts of yourself and this allows you to really uplevel your Consciousness because it's hard to raise your Consciousness Consciousness if your psyche is very uh fragmented because the whole point of spiritual work and all this stuff is to come into deeper levels of wholeness right true spirituality is just simply finding wholeness already occurring right now wholeness within the very nature of existence the Oneness of of being wholeness within your psyche wholeness within your emotions wholeness within your physical body making sure your organs and
your brain all this works together cleaning it out right doing heavy metal detoxes for example right allowing everything to just function smoothly together all these levels of existence in life all all working together synergistically right this is kind of the ideal so a core part of this is the willingness courage and honesty to confront the pain that you've been avoiding take the first step I'm sure in 5 or 10 years you're actually really going to appreciate simply putting that time energy and attention and all those resources into this kind of work that's it for this
video if you're interested in working oneto one with me you can apply to do so link is in the pinned comment take it easy
