My Stepmother Tried To Buy Her Way Back Into My Kids’ Lives... | Reddit Updates

my stepmother tried to buy her way back into my kids lives with toys but it's too bad so sad I donated them all away now my dad says I'm ungrateful for wasting hundreds of dollars posted by you/ Smiths throwa I 34f have no contact with my stepmother Mary long story not worth explaining it's been 5 years since I cut her off from my and my family's lives as such she hasn't seen my son 8m since he was 3 years old and she's never met my daughter 4f throughout the years she has attempted to contact me

and my kids several times my father used to help her sometimes he tell me how awful she felt how much she wanted to meet my daughter and that the kids needed their Grandma I've never considered her a grandparent as both my mother and mother-in-law are active in their lives after several fights my father apologized and stopped assisting her but Mary still tries to get in touch with me now and then I always state that I have no interest in seeing her or allowing her to be a part of my children's lives my son's birthday was

in September on the day of neither of my kids were home a large box was delivered to our building I opened it to find more than a dozen new toys for my children along with a note that read Grandma Mary loves you both as I later found out she had bought the toys on a recent trip to the US I couldn't think of it as anything but a manipulation tactic my children are barely aware she exists why would she send them both a box full of toys on my son's birthday I also think she planned

the delivery for a time she thought the kids would be home so that they'd see the toys immediately either way my husband and I decided not to keep any of the toys we donated them all throughout October the kids never saw any of them last week my father called me he said Mary had just told him about the toys and wanted to know whether the kids like them I told him the truth and we had an argument my father called me cruel and ungrateful for what I did he said he understands Mary and I don't

get along but she still cared enough to spend hundreds of dollars on a loving gesture for my children and the least I could have done was let them know about it it I honestly couldn't imagine keeping those toys but I'd be lying if I said the amount of money spent on them didn't make me feel guilty what do you all think up on why she cut ties with Mary the long story is essentially my entire childhood having had her in my life when I was a child I don't think Mary should be around any children

period She was horrible to me when I was young because I refused to pretend she was my mother I've been in therapy for years and it's still hard to talk about how she treated me I feel that allowing her to be a part of my adult life at all was already giving her a second chance I cut her off for good when she threw a tantrum because I hadn't taught my son to call her grandma to name a few things she did Mary tried to convince my father to make me stop eating dinner so that

I'd lose weight she made several detrimental comments about my body while I was going through puberty whenever my sister or I got sick she'd claimed we were faking it neither of us ever faked an illness I once got sick while home alone with her and it took me throwing up three times before she agreed to call my father on one occasion my sister got sick and she pretended to get sicker whenever my sister and I failed to accomplish something she'd insult our intelligence whenever we succeeded we had gotten lucky we weren't allowed to say anything

even remotely negative about Mary or she'd have a breakdown I once said she looked more like one movie character than another and she started crying I was 12 and this was the same woman who implied I was fat on an almost daily basis I don't like talking about this though therapy has been helping which is why I didn't give examples originally I don't care about her feelings enough to want to hurt her I deny her a relationship with my children because she is an awful person up on her relationship with her father I used to

be low contact with my father when I cut contact with Mary she spent a few months trying to use him as a messenger he has since agreed to stop and our relationship has been improving but I intend to proceed with caution if we can't sort this out she has also had her mother call me to tell me off three times and her brother once I've blacked them both update 6 days later hey guys thank you for your input many of you mentioned that you couldn't make a judgment without knowing why I have no contact with

Mary and I think that's completely fair I explained it more thoroughly in the comments and I recommend reading them but Mary was awful to me when I was young I loed talking about it though therapy has been helping but it stemmed from the fact that I wouldn't allow her to be a second mother to me I went low contact with her in my early 20s yet she still treated me poorly whenever I saw her when my son was born Mary begged me to give her a second chance she apologized for upsetting me and promised she

had changed I warned her that if she ever overstepped or even hinted at going back to her old ways she'd never see me or my family again to be honest I'm surprised she lasted 3 years I didn't clarify this in my original post because it's something I have trouble talking about and I didn't think it was relevant I was asking about the donations not whether I was justified in cutting ties with Mary however I do agree that it's best to have the complete picture before making judgments so I apologize for withholding that another thing I

didn't mention is that Mary never had children of her own and my only sister is childree my kids are the only grandchildren in the family which I think is why Mary wants to see them so badly anyway I went through your comments and organized a list of things I wanted to say to my father I considered making one for Mary as well but I doubt she'd actually listen to it I spoke to my father on Saturday he said he talked with his wife apparently Mary bought the gifts because it broke her heart to be unable

to watch my kids grow up and she hoped the toys would at least let them know how much she loved them my father also said that Mary told him about the gifts he insists he had no idea because it had been a while and the kids and I hadn't thanked her yet my husband and I have our children say thank you through voice messages whenever they receive a gift from someone who isn't nearby we've done this for my father before so I think that's what Mary was expecting I explained to him that it didn't matter

how thoughtful he thought Mary's gesture was when I cut ties with her I cut her off completely that means no gifts no phone calls and no contact with my my children directly or indirectly she can claim to love them all she wants but she will never have any involvement in their lives we had another argument but I put my foot down I told my father that if he ever attempts to assist her in any way or brings up Grandma mared to my children he will never see me again I'll allow him to be a part

of his grandkids lives but he needs to accept that his wife won't be ultimately my father agreed but I intend to watch him closely from now on I don't want to cut contact with him but this will be his final chance if if he screws this up he's done while I'm not 100% confident this will last I'm still happy with the outcome I've been going through a fairly stressful time at work and it feels great to have this weight off my shoulders more importantly I feel well equipped to handle whatever comes next I don't intend

to write any further updates once again thank you second update 4 weeks later I really didn't think I'd update again but I figured I'd let you know that Mary sent us another box this time my father warned me last week he sent me a text that read Mary is sending Christmas gifts for the kids I promise I just found out I was at work and sure enough the box was there when I got home my husband and I managed to take it to our bedroom before our children saw it the box was smaller than the

previous one and we counted 10 toys with Christmas wrapping inside six for my daughter and four for my son there was also another note which read pretty much the same as the last one with an added I'm sorry you didn't get my other gifts I decided to text Mary this time I unblocked her and wrote The Following anything you try to give me or my children will be donated immediately please stop attempting to contact us you will never be allowed near my family I then blocked her again this was my first time unblocking or even

contacting her in 5 years the next day I spoke to my father he said Mary didn't tell him she was sending me the Box until after doing so he'd been out of town for a week at that point and she hadn't said anything about buying my kids more presents before he left she let it slip to him over the phone and then begged him not to tell me apparently Mary was distraught at my text that's all I know about how she's reacting to this my father is doing his Christmas shopping right now and there are

a number of reasons why I don't think he was involved in this still I don't feel like I can trust him right now I told him he will see me in my family less often than usual for the next few months we'll see each other on Christmas Eve party at my cousins Mary was banned years ago and then in February for my aunt's birthday weekend trip Mary's not coming besides that I intend to remain in low contact with him for a while I don't intend to keep that up forever but I want to be able

to trust him again my father said he understood I know a lot of you wanted me to cut my father off I'm not sure I can explain why but I don't want to do that even if I did I'm not ready to it might happen in the future and I'm well aware it should be happening now but I do think we still have a shot at making this work this entire week was crap The First Time Mary sent us the gifts I was just confused this time I was very upset I cried when I read

her note I am feeling much better now though my husband and I donated the new toys over the weekend and getting rid of them felt great I am very glad we managed to protect our children from this also let me add one final time I came here to ask whether I was wrong for donating the gifts not for cutting ties with Mary so if anyone else intends to tell me I should allow her in my kids lives don't bother I will not budge on this I don't think I have anything else to add thank you

all and happy holidays