I'm Dr Orion Teraban and this is Psychax better living through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is man up. So this is an episode for the men especially the young men in the audience. There is something you need to be aware of with respect to the way society treats men and masculinity.
I'm not quite sure whether to say that it's operating under the surface or in plain sight, but this episode is designed to help you recognize something that might otherwise exert an insidious effect on you. I thought the best way to approach this idea would be through the phrases a real man or man up. I'm sure you've heard these phrases before.
I want you to notice that these phrases are never, ever, ever accompanied by imperatives to act in ways that directly benefit men. Strange, but true. Don't believe me?
Let me give you some examples of what male benefiting statements might sound like. Here's one. A real man will work a side hustle in his spare time until it's successful enough to give him the financial independence to live the life of freedom he's always dreamed of.
I care about bro and bro needs to man up and take the leap to put out a minimum viable product pronto. Or here's another. A real man prioritizes his strength and well-being.
I care about bro and bro needs to man up and get his body fat under 20% and increases testosterone so he can feel strong and capable. Or just one more because I can't resist. A real man will cut a woman loose who isn't making his life better and who isn't adding value to his life.
I care about bro and bro needs to man up and respect his own time. Like I don't know about you, but I have never heard these phrases or anything even approximating these phrases in my entire life. No.
When the phrases a real man or man up are used in today's day and age, they are always always always accompanied by a imperatives to act in ways that benefit women. I dare you to find an exception to this rule. A real man wouldn't keep a woman waiting several years.
He would man up and take responsibility for her. A real man wouldn't go 50/50 on a date. He provides for a woman so she can relax into her feminine.
Get the picture? Most relationship advice assumes tacitly or otherwise that good men, real men, advance along a relationship escalator that just coincidentally happens to offer women their best chance of long-term provision and security, often irrespective of the man's interests and desires. And if that advice ever runs counter to this escalator and counsels a man to end his relationship, it's always so that her time isn't wasted, never his.
By the same token, any advice that pertains to a man's health or friends or finances is okay, I guess, provided it never conflicts with the fundamental imperative that the woman remain the first priority in his life. Why? Because a real man doesn't leave his woman at home to spend time with his friends.
And he certainly doesn't go to the gym if it takes him away from the household tasks that she would prefer him to complete instead. That is any advice to men is acceptable only to a point and that point is wherever a woman deems it to conflict with her agenda in which case a real man would know how to treat a lady. And I have to ask, why the [ __ ] are we collectively defining what a real man is relative to how women might benefit?
Like, that is a nonrhetorical question. Why would we allow that to happen? If you're interested in taking your understanding to the next level, I would encourage you to check out the Captain's Quarters, [music] my membersonly self-improvement community.
Your monthly membership will get you [music] access to a cadre of like-minded, supportive individuals, bimonthly group consultation [music] sessions hosted by yours truly, and exclusive content that you won't find anywhere else. Click the [music] link in the description for more information. Hope to see you aboard.
Now, some of you might think that there's nothing all that strange about defining men relative to the degree to which they conform to women's desires. After all, we're all duly familiar with the phrases. We've heard them enough times, so they must be true.
Well, what if we just switch around the genders? I don't know, just whatever. Go crazy.
Would that still be acceptable? Let's see. A real woman wouldn't waste a man's time.
She would give him the type of relationship that provides him with the greatest freedom and satisfaction, irrespective of her own interests and desires. And a real woman certainly wouldn't put her friends or her finances or her career or herself ahead of her relationship. She needs to woman up and make sacrifices as appropriate.
After all, happy spouse, happy house, right? A real woman is fit and feminine so the man can abide in his masculine. For some reason, he just isn't able to do that unless she shows up in a certain way.
And so, it falls on her to do so. and she definitely needs to woman up and take responsibility for a man both materially and emotionally. Otherwise, he is well within his rights to walk.
Don't waste his time, ladies. Like, do any of these statements sound familiar? Like, of course not.
We would never hear these coming from the dominant culture. And if and when they are voiced in corners of the internet, they are immediately denounced as sexist and misogynistic. And how could that be?
Like, as a social observer, I'm curious about how the same advice can be normalized when directed to one gender and villainized when directed to the other and not be sexist. It raises some questions to say the least. The dominant culture would have you believe that a real man is determined by the degree to which he benefits women and any deviation from that is met with considerable shame, censure, and recrimination.
On the other hand, the phrase a real woman functionally doesn't even exist in our culture, which is to suggest that all women are presumed to be real, and that they are therefore selfdefined in a way that a man is not. As a result, they are openly validated and encouraged to do what is in their own naked self-interest. And suggesting that that self-interest should in any way be compromised to provide benefit for men is considered sexist and oppressive and an infringement on our inherent self-determination.
So, what's the issue? Well, among other things, the issue is that there are a lot of well-meaning, good-intentioned, but soft-headed young men out there who come into contact with these phrases and the attitudes they represent in a thousand different ways from the time they are children, and they believe it. Contrary to most people's self-perception, the majority of people are generally obedient.
They don't want to disappoint their parents, who are also generally obedient. They don't want to alienate their friends who are also generally obedient and they don't want to upset women who are also generally obedient. This means that young men hear these phrases and integrate these attitudes out of a good faith expectation that they will in fact become real men.
But Quibono, who benefits from this transformation? I think we would be hardpressed to argue that it is the men themselves who do so. After all, none of the social imperatives leveled at men, if followed, would make men stronger, richer, healthier, happier, etc.
However, every commandment with respect to his manhood is framed visav his behavior toward women, which for lack of a better word is crazy. It's completely nuts. My point here is that all men, especially young men, have to understand that their dominant culture has absolutely no interest in supporting them in becoming men in their own right.
Read my lips. The dominant culture does not want masculine men. It does not want men to be vigorous and powerful and prosperous and happy and abundant.
And I'm going to explain why that is in a future episode. For the time being, however, it's important for men to understand that their value is not fundamentally predicated on what they can do for women and if possible to find other men who view masculinity as an inherently good and positive trait, as this will help to offset the pressures to conform to the dominant culture they might otherwise feel. There you have it.
What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below.
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