if you have people in your life treating you poorly what you need to remember is it's not personal it seems like a personal attack on you but we're all children at heart and we're just trying to meet our needs and some people do that in negative ways to get attention or whatever it is they need so I had a question in the comments asking how to deal with evil people and this person said that their work colleagues are bullying humiliating saying bad things about them and they kind of wish bad upon them so if you
can relate to this I want to encourage you today so if you think if a 5-year-old come up to you and called you a name or said something you don't like and was horrible to you you wouldn't take it personally you would just go oh just a kid you know they just do whatever it doesn't bother you it's water off a duck's back and it's like I learned this with my dog Bose she's a puppy she'll do things that just are so annoying but then 5 minutes later you think she's a puppy it is what
it is it's just part of it there's nothing personal I don't hate her for the rest of my life I don't you know take it out on her for the rest of your rest of my life and it's like with kids your refractory period of being annoyed by them is about 2 seconds they do something it's really stupid really annoying and then 5 seconds later you're like just a kid crack on wait till the next one and this is what I do with people now oh that was a bit harsh what this person did but
we're all just children we're all just got these same needs and I forgive them and then wait for the next time that they do something silly and I'll do the same thing so you wouldn't hold it against the child so don't hold it against your colleagues or your friends because we're all just children so the reason this happens is we all have a set of needs you can look up maso's hierarchy of needs and they're instilled in us from childhood and when you're a child you've got a set of skills at your disposal and you
just get what you need so if you're hungry you start crying and food appears if you're tired you start crying and you get put to bed if you're lonely you start crying and someone comes and plays with you if you're bored you know all of these needs are met by crying the thing is when you grow into an adult you can't do that anymore you can't just instantly start crying and think that it's going to come to you but you basically do the same thing these needs don't go away you still have the needs and
these people you're dealing with are the same so instead of crying you use more creative more adult ways of doing it so I'll give you a quick example I post videos of me cooking Burgers on Tik Tok and the comments are usually very positive and I kept getting these comments because I'm quite slow in comparison to like a proper burger place I get comments the famous 1 Hour Burger and I think it's the same person on multiple accounts they really are like just posting this and when videos get a lot of views you can't always
see the comments so I noticed this trend this guy just kept commenting or this person so I just commented back really appreciate the support and then pray hands emoji and straight away underneath although it's kind of like a hate comment oh the famous One Hour Burger straight away underneath he commented back for real though really like what you're doing or something so this is a person that's actually supporting me and even negative comments are good if you know how the algorithm works even negative comments any engagement is good so I thought oh what's the psychology
behind this this person because I don't respond to many of the comments wanted my attention so he's just trying to get Dad's attention and then when I showed him the attention in a positive way I didn't say stop comment in that or delete his comment or something he was like oh thank you like I do actually like your videos but he could have commented something like love the videos and I never would have seen it and he never would have got that what what he desired so we use certain ways it's just children do this
if they be good you might not pay them attention if they act up you tell them off that's still attention so what they wanted was attention so I'll give you another example just to illustrate that we are all children I'm on an rcia course at the moment to become a Catholic and we're all sat around and they do a presentation to teach us certain things about the faith and there's a bunch of adults and some 15year olds like younger people on the course and there's no difference between us I I kind of recognized this so
there was a five minute break and we're talking between us me my friend and a couple of women and we had loads of questions we were back and forth on this subject that we was just talking about and then I said oh these are questions for father Nishan when he comes back and then he came back and said oh any questions and none of us put our hands up and said we had questions we kind of looked at each other like you would a school in a school class at your friends like we do have
questions but we didn't raise our hands and ask him because we had the need to not look silly we don't know ask silly questions or you know say something silly in front of the group that's just childhood Behavior we we're adults but we all have these same insecurities and these same problems and then a section came up about marriage and sex and it doesn't matter what age you are you've got that kind of smile that embarrassing oh we're talking about sex you could be 15 there were 15 year olds in the room you could be
55 do you know what I mean there's these same insecurities needs of a child are all still there so these people are Trea treating you poorly because they need something and they're going to do whatever it takes to get it so I remember when my friend became a dad like for the first time it can often be quite hard sleepless nights and all that so I asked him I said oh how's it going I hadn't seen him in a while I bet you you're knackered aren't you and he was like it's not that bad there
are only a handful of needs that your child's going to have and all I do is just work through the list he was like line them up and knock them down so if my kid's crying are they hungry when did they last eat let's try them with a bottle okay it's not that are they tired let's put them to bed are they lonely I'll play with them are they bored I'll give them a toy he's like you just go through the list and it's one of them it's like one of five things and once you've
got it they're content and then you go back to doing whatever you've got to do and the baby's sorted and then half an hour an hour later they'll cry again and you go right which one is it oh nappy needs changing so it's quite simple and I look around and adults are like this if an adult's acting up they're treating you poorly oh what is it they need they're just people aren't Evil By Nature we have Grace the grace of God and love instilled within us it's not our default state to be hateful I think
there are some like Psychopaths and people that are just going to hurt people but I don't think that's the case for most people so you look at them and say what is it they need and that's why it's not personal it's not on you it's not a personal attack on you they've got an insecurity and need that isn't being met and they're going to do whatever it takes and it happens to look like treating you poorly so we're all children with childhood trauma but we have adult tools to deal with it now so I'll give
you some examples if you look at Bill Gates Bill Gates now has billions of dollars multinational corporations and these influential things at his disposal so whatever insecurities he's got he's influencing a lot of people he's not just a baby crying that influences their parents oh I cry they come no he can have an insecurity I don't really want to get into what Bill Gates gets up to but for example Brian Johnson he's the longevity man that's trying to live forever he is openly and these people aren't hiding it this is the thing if you look
at Brian Johnson's videos one of his titles is my wife left me and divorced me or something so he's broken he's got cut up about his wife's divorce so that will show you some of his motivation and then another video was dealing with childhood trauma so he's openly saying these are my things I've got the need to be desired by my wife and she left me I've got the need whatever the childhood trauma was to heal this childhood trauma and I can't do it so instead of crying and getting his problem solved he's trying to
live forever he's using adult Technologies he's got he's a tech startup person so he's got billions of dollars to throw at this so he wants to live forever just to meet these needs of love and connection another example is Elon Musk he's openly stated that he's kind of basically depressed and the reason the driving force for him his feis to get to Mars is that he doesn't know why life exists he doesn't know the meaning of life and he basically just wants to make us a multiplanetary species to make sure we keep going so one
day we'll figure it out so he's basically got a meaningless existence and he's going to do whatever it takes to live long enough and perpetuate the species long enough to try and figure it out when he could just find God now find gratitude and presence now but the problem is he's not the crying baby he has the ability to harm a lot of people if he just cried in his needs were met that would be fine but he's completely wrapped the planet in satellites we don't know what the Ben like what the problems are associated
with that so what I'm saying is the people you're dealing with are using adult adult things to meet childhood needs and it looks like harming you and treating you poorly if you think of Elon Musk you know when you've got children playing he's the child that stole all the building blocks off the other child to build his castle bigger you know that's who he is and then you've got the other kid who just gives them up willingly and walks off and goes plays in the park that's the content child but Elon musk's that one that
wants to get all of the the building blocks for himself and build something so that he can feel good about himself so it's all childhood issues so the way you deal with this is you use forgiveness and prayer now it's easy to say this but you've got to know why you're doing it and you've got to do it genuinely so when you know that that person has a lack has a an insecurity inside them it's not personal anymore you don't feel like they're attacking you you think oh I feel sorry for them they lack love
in their life they're bored they're tired they're hungry how many people when they're hangry you know they have a go at somebody and they don't mean it we're all just children running around doing this to each other so I just look at people now and I go what is it you're trying to get and if I can give it to you then it solves the problem so even though you're being horrible to me if I can provide you with that thing you need is the person hungry well when I go on my lunch break I'll
bring him a sandwich and they might completely change how they're acting towards me is it that they're tired well that person has just been on fre night shifts and I get you know cranky when I've been on night shift so put it on the other person what is it they lacking so if the person's being really horrible to you it's not your responsibility to meet their needs so if you can distance yourself and remove yourself from them then that's what you want to do but if they're work colleagues try and meet their needs with compassion
kindness and forgiveness they're being horrible to you that's fine don't take it personally try and kill them with kindness give them what they need work out what their need is you could ask them straight up be like you know depends how you want to approach that but so I gave the example of the person commenting on Tik Tok videos that's very superficial it doesn't matter but I've had people really harm me and hurt me and it it cut me up for like 6 months and the whole time I'm like why would this person do this
to me it's all about me and then I realized what are they trying to get they're people aren't horrible by Nature they we've all got our own motivations we all just want to be happy and live a for filling life you know no one's got it figured out and we'll do whatever it takes I just would never harm somebody else to make me happy it never seemed like a good idea but other people that seems like the best way of getting what they want and the moment I realized I was like oh I feel sorry
for them they did that because they're lacking something and they thought that was going to help it happened to harm me but that's I wasn't important in that equation and then I started praying for that person I forgave them genuinely genuinely and I pray for them now and I'm like I hope they resolve whatever that is because I've resolved it it doesn't bother me anymore and that's what changed it it the moment I realize that it's not personal it's not on me I forgive them I pray for them I hope they if I can help
them meet their needs I will but if I can't I hope they get what they're looking for so a couple of Bible verses for this one 1 Corinthians 13:11 when I was a child I talked like a child I F like a child I reasoned like a child when I become a man I put the ways of childhood behind me so what you're dealing with is people that are still children and I recognize this I recognize my childish behavior that's why I know we're all doing it and if you look at a child you give
them a chocolate bar 5 minutes later they're bouncing off the walls you can't really have a go at that child for bouncing off the walls because it was the chocolate bar that did it there's like cause and effect that does this and people are doing this they're having a go at you but if you notice it's always 10 minutes after drinking an energy drink so they've got all this caffeine this energy and now they're throwing out onto you so we're all just children we're just doing things and not realizing why but you can recognize this
you put the ways of a child behind you and you go oh yeah I am just trying to meet my need for connection and love or I am just trying to meet my need of you know I'm tired so I'm cranky Galatians 3:13 bear with each other and forgive one one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord has forgiven you so this is why you forgive it's all right saying forgive without knowing why but you do it because we're all just on this journey we're all just trying to
figure it out and they need compassion and maybe they'll get what they need Matthew 7:3 why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye so we're all guilty of this the reason I know this is true is because I recognize in myself if I'm tired I don't treat people as well if I'm hungry the same case all of these things it's just a list of needs look at what you need in life and if they're not being met I don't usually
project that on other people but that's not the case for everybody so that's the reason why people are treating you poorly they're not evil people aren't Evil By Nature they're just life's quite hard when you're a kid life's easy your needs are met and you don't really have to do anything you don't have to worry when you become an adult it becomes more about survival it's on you if you're hungry you got to sort it if you're lonely it's on you and look around a lot of people don't have the answers to the solutions and
this is why I'm becoming a Catholic this is why I like the Christian faith because a lot of the answers are there when I'm lonely I know what to do when I'm feeling angry or wrathful or lustful I know what to do the answers are laid out so I'd invite you to have compassion and forgive these people genuinely try and meet your needs if you can try and avoid them if you have to but I think that will give you a different perspective on dealing with evil people hope that helps speak to your soon
