[Music] you're not in the place of being overweight cuz you lost your job so stop the bull blame blame is not a strategy for a meaningful life blame is not a strategy for greatness don't get me wrong I know some people are not a good influence I'm not denying that I'm just saying you're more than somebody's influence unless you obsess about it every moment and make them wrong so you can make yourself feel Superior morally psychologically or spiritually it's stop the pattern we've all done it catch yourself cuz if you want joy happiness and freedom
and extraordinary life you will not come from blame never there's no Pride that comes from blame I don't mean fake Pride where you make to feel good I'm talking about real pride pride is something you earn like people tell me oh I have no self-esteem because my parents just to say this or they say that I say that's such I'm not saying it's bull they didn't say that I said it's that's why you don't need self-esteem self-esteem does not come from what people say about you self-esteem comes from what you experience about yourself see someone
can tell you your whole life you're a piece of crap and part of you go you're full of it I'm going to show you lots of people have done that they never bought it or someone tell you you're beautiful your whole life you go I'm not really beautiful so what people tell you doesn't matter at all it's what you stack it's what you assemble it's what you create it's the habit of what you put in your head and today I don't blame you because we got a whole culture that's always blaming somebody else for something
in their life but blame is not a strategy for Pride that's why you listen these blaming people they're all Angry all the time listen if I wanted to blame I grew up in an environmental I didn't even share it to my mom past and even then I didn't share I grew up in a pretty rough environment my mom was a beautiful soul but when she drank alcohol and she mixed it with prescription drugs it was a different creature I said look where I am right now because I wouldn't assemble the story that my past equals
my future the past only equals your future if you live there if you're using a rearview mirror to guide yourself you're going to crash so what you've been through is horrific what you've been through is unjust I'm on your side but if you hang on to it you have no future and you have no one to blame but yourself my mom would think I was lying and I wasn't lying she bore liquid soap down my throat till I threw up and I wasn't lying so it's not the physical abuse it's the fact that this is
the person you love most that's trying to hurt you that messes with your head so I could have been messed up for life but I didn't cuz something inside me says I'm responsible for this life and part of that cuz I started reading one 13 14 biographies of people the greatest people in history and reading their lives and finding out guess what their lives are far from perfect some of them had work lives than I had but when you have no reference and all you do is go online you talk to other people making everybody
else toxic and I'm like this and they didn't do that then you get to have the she life just like those other people why are they online so much cuz they don't have a life right don't be one of those free yourself from the chains of your past I'm not saying your past doesn't matter but listen my mother I tell people this all the time and it's the truth if my mother had been the mother I wanted her to be the mother she should have been I would not be the man I'm proud to be
today because I had to become a practical psychologist way before any schooling figure out when she going to go in a mood how do I change your state how I protect her for the kids what do we I mean it was felt life and death and it was to some extent so I developed skills at such a young age then when I learned things I just added to my skills but I had a core sense of certainty that I could turn anybody around cuz it's started with my mother and thank God for her and she
encouraged me in so many way she did so many great things and she loved me but if you're parents if the people around you said all the things you thought they should have if they had just not been toxic if they' encouraged you you wouldn't have any muscle and right now you don't have any muscle CU you're using that as an excuse if you're thinking that and I'm not attacking you brothers and sisters I'm calling to you cuz I know you're more otherwise I'd just keep my mouth shut we just you've been hypnotized by a
culture of weakness yes there are people that you don't want to hang out with that will not serve you but then move on don't sit there and talk about it constantly don't waste your time and you say but what if it's family Tony mine was family too you learn to grow you go they're in my if someone can get your goat if someone can piss you off if someone can make you feel less than that's God coming to you saying grow you need some spiritual growth there's got to be some change in your perception your
belief your emotions your spiritual look of life so that can't happen anymore and when it happens like at 61 I've been through so many of those things and I like do things in Mass I took on big challenges so I'd have to grow more but then life throws them at you too when they come you just go okay it's going to have me until I grow what needs a shift in me so that no wer has an impact these people are not so toxic they're toxic cuz you give them energy so if your mom's crazy
and constantly criticizing you and it drives you nuts just go that's my mom that's her way of showing love and I find A New Perspective and no matter what she does just stay in a beautiful state and love on her and think boy think of all that she cares and feels for all that she's frustrated in Life or all that she's going through that's made her this way and thank God I don't have to go through this I can love her it's like your growth is the only limit to your happiness if you're not happy
you're not growing in some area and usually it's a place where you're blaming you're pointing the finger I don't care if it's government don't get me wrong people can be unfair unjust that's for sure happens but you can't control that you can't make it not happen what you have to do is become stronger than any of it so you're free Freedom comes from growth freedom does not come from control cuz control is an illusion you can't control everybody no matter how hard you try you can't control what they think or feel and not everybody's going
to be fair and just and you my dear friends and I have not always been fair and just whether we admit it or not it's just the nature of being a being a human being but we can't make the largest pattern fair and just and loving and powerful and serving and growing until it becomes the dominant thing inside you and then you experience life as being great not you're great life's great because you're living a great great path I think it's smart to focus on one thing primarily focus on too many can be overwhelming other
people it's it's good to focus on multiple things it depends on your personality so I wouldn't presuppose but then the answer would be whichever thing you're most desirous of changing whatever thing is giving you the most pain so if it's your relationship I'd go full force on that now in the world we're in today you probably have to work on both your business or financial side and some personal side I would be working on both and to me the way to attack that if you're not sure areas to start with the body I always teach
physiology first as you well know if you change the body you'll change the emotions if you change the emotions you'll change your decisions you'll change the quality of your life cuz the quality of life is your emotions it's not what you get you have a billion dollars and commit suicide people have done it right you can have beautiful relationships and commit suicide you can have people loving you and be sad all the time our pattern of emotion is our home and you have to upgrade your home you have to train it and one way to
train it is the emot comes from the way you move the way you breath the way you speak and all those physical characteristics change your biochemistry towards this feeling of being depressed and in a depressed state you won't do anything when I used to be depressed I don't get it anymore I just took it out of my life I even took the language of it out of my life because the words you create create a biochemical response but when I did that decades ago cuz I was like having those thoughts like is there a reason
to still be here that kind of crazy in your head I got out of it by using anger originally i' much like sometimes if somebody's really sad or depressed I'll make him angry and people like what's he doing he's making him angry cuz angry is much more resourceful than depressed from anger I can get you to laughter I can get you to taking action I so and then gradually I got where I didn't need anger it was about growth it was about contribution it was about meaning they should work on both their business side of
the life and personal one of each and in order for either one of those to work you need to be in a strong emotional state and if you start with your body like you know I start every morning in my cold water start every morning with my workout I started every morning like feeding my mind right so there's certain things you got to do physically so you're strong enough to remember the truth cuz remember fear is physical you feel your throat or your gut so's courage courage doesn't mean you're not afraid it just means you're
strong enough you push through in spite of the fear right and courage feels different in the body so when you go lift or you go for a Sprint or a strong run or you jump in that freezing water when you push your mind to go beyond what's comfortable you feel a strength inside you and that strength will help you to change your body your emotions your relationships whatever but then the other thing I to say is model someone who's successful don't just do this by trial and error like find somebody who has what you want
ideally maybe more than one person two or three and think out what are they doing different than you in their relationship what do they believe different than you about relationship if it's their body what are they doing different they're not lucky they're doing things differently you might be slightly biochemically different but there's patterns there that you can see and so instead of learning by trial and error which can take decades you may never learn find someone's got what you want Study what they do every aspect of it and then add yourself to it and that's
the Pathway to speed of transformation so now like you know I've done it I'm not the only person there's so many companies that went from worse off than they'd ever been in their history to the best off because they found a way to Pivot but that required a psychological piece of not blame so maybe it's time for you to think for yourself and model what works instead of just what you're told that's something to consider for yourself the biggest problem people have is they think they're not supposed to have any and problems are the fuel
for growth right and so like if you don't have any problems you're either a liar or you might call them challenges it feels better I understand that but you know anybody doesn't have problems he's either totally asleep with the wheel or they don't have much of any kind of a life you know no responsibility nothing they're building so I think the first thing is this misnomer that if I have a problem there's something wrong with me in my life I think the second one is this delusion we've sold people on then getting what you want
is going to make you happy you know you could call success getting what you want I I I don't Define it that way but that's how most people do but then there's fulfillment and fulfillment is living What You're Made for it's like I think the biggest challenge people have and the reason they're not able to respond to challenges they're just thinking about themselves and it's not that hard to meet your own needs and it's nobody's fault I mean these little things in our pocket these little mini computers we used to call phones I mean they're
constantly conditioning you to instantly get what you want and that's not how human relationship works and that's sure as hell not how you build a business right it's not a straight line if you go to Nature you will not see a straight line un unless a human built it cuz everything grows a little up and down like a stock like anything else and but if it really grows it keeps growing but it's a winding process and so I think the problem is that people don't have something that they're wanting to serve more than themselves that's
where my energy comes from I don't have to work a day of my life why the hell do I do all this crazy stuff I got 105 companies now and I got all these different Industries cuz it's so much more interesting to be in The Game of Life and keep growing and expanding and being challenged that's what makes you feel alive and do are there problems with 105 companies I can promise you but if I thought my life was supposed to be Problem free I would be really stressed out and if I was just doing
it for me I would have stopped a long time ago right so it's like having that sense of mission and then I think the next problem is that people think they have to know how I call it the tyranny of how like you get excited I'm going to do this and then your brain goes I've never done it before Oh my God what do they say I I don't know how to do this and they tend to focus on how to do it and when you start with how you're screwed like Martin Luther King had
no idea how when he did his I of a Dream speech he talked about what needs to happen and why if you can figure out what you want and why you want it and you get strong enough reasons reasons that'll drive you late at night it'll get you up early in the morning and the reasons are different some people do it for nitty-gritty reason some people will do it like we'll almost all do it for something more than ourselves some people do it because they like winning right it's like I like winning I like being
the best at what I do so I'm not going to settle for less than that why would I right so you got to find your reasons but if you know what you want and you get a big enough why now you'll figure out how to do it but if you start with how you know the small brain the fear brain cuz I don't know what to do I don't know where to go I don't know what to do 90% of the time either I know what and why and then I try some it doesn't work
I try some else do something else now I speed it up by learning from the best why do I reinvent the wheel when I just learn from the best on Earth I mean somebody's that good can tell you that little 2 mm thing that changes everything so my life is really about learn from the best but I don't start with a how I start with the what and the why and I think that's the mistake most people make and then how do you get confident you do stuff I mean like I'll give an example speaking
I'm focused on how do I serve them what do they need what do they want how can I serve and when you're focused on others and how to serve them there's no lack of confidence in you cuz if it's not working you just change your approach cuz it's all about serving people that are scared to speak or thinking constantly how am I doing am I good enough am I strong enough you'll never get confidence confidence comes in doing something so confidence is tying your shoes right confidence on Michael Jordan making a thousand shots before you
take a break every single day six days a week so you look at Jordan or you look at you know LeBron you look at anybody who's the best in the world of what they do and you go aren't they lucky but if you actually study them you'll see they're doing things they're practicing in private things that make them certain in public and they get rewarded for what they do in public yeah and you got to do the same and the biggest mistake people think they're supposed to walk out and be good at it and if
they're not cuz you know they don't want to be part of it I don't not look good not be good because we live in this social media world where they compare themselves to people that are you know I got a friend that owns a gym and we laugh about this all the time he says Tony at least two or three times first tell he told me I couldn't believe it but I I saw it happen one time we went to go pick him up we were going to lunch and he goes look at this these
people would come out a woman or a man they both do it and lay out all this stuff take a million pictures himself and then leave they didn't do any workout whatsoever that's the social media when filters on pictures and so people compare themselves to not other humans they compare to people this story and that's why so many people get depressed when they you know there I'm sure you've seen the studies the more time people spend on social media usually the greater levels of frustration and anger and certainly depression for a lot of people have
cuz you're comparing to a world that doesn't matter plus you're being reinforced by these algorithms in ways that go beyond your conscious awareness if you constantly live in fear your world gets smaller and smaller and it tends to get more fearful like who's more fearful someone has broken 10 bones in their body and healed them as a kid or someone never broke a bone you know the answer is the kids that are overprotected Ed are fearful all the time but if you've gone down the street and you know you got into a fight and you
know you busted your arm or your hand or finger or what you played football or whatever the hell is or boxed or something it's like now it's like I'm not afraid of that crap cuz you've lived it and there's no substitute I always tell people a belief is a poor substitute for an experience that psychological shift is the most important shift that people can make it's a shift in your identity so everybody understands what I mean by identity is we all have a way of identifying ourselves we have a way of labeling ourselves so most
of us came up with our labels based on how we behaved but really smart people can do stupid things really nice people can be mean mean people can be nice and so if you judge yourself too soon and most people's identity their labels for themselves who they think they are has been based on their past and often many years ago and so they don't update it so the the metaphor i' give for identity is like it's your comfort zone it's not your goal so if you like if you took a temperature in the room and
it said 68° is my comfort zone physically emotionally financially I want more in my relationship I want more physically energy wise I want more financially in my career but this is what I'm used to and so what happens people stay in their comfort zone for the most part and then let's say something happens and you dip you're a 68 deger that's your mentality and you drop down to 62 61 60 somewhere around 60 or 59 the heaters kick on and go wo whoa whoo you're a 68° or what the hell are you doing we've all
experienced that all of a sudden you go I'm not going to live like this anymore I'm not going to be in this relationship I'm not going to be fat like this boom and you get this drive and you start to change but what most people don't understand is it happens on the upper end too meaning let's say you got momentum you start crushing you start doing even better than you think you go from 68 to 78 to you're 98° financially emotionally spiritually whatever the metaphor is and then what happens you're going to say hey your
BR who the hell do you think you are you're not a 98 degree here right get back to 68 and if nothing else the heater stop you lose your drive and that'll drift you back and enough the air condition can kick on you start to kind of sabotage yourself till you get back to your comfort zone so unless you expand your identity changes temper it's like when someone says to me I stopped smoking it's been 8 days and I say why you counting so you can tell people how long you lasted this time like if
I went to somebody and and I said to you hey you know leis you want a cigarette you're not going to say what brand is it you're go no I'm not a smoker notice how people I'm not one of those that's not my identity identity is the strongest force in the human personality unless you expand your identity you're going to basically keep where you are you might improve a little or not you might go up and down a bit but you're going to stay within a realm if you're going to have an explosive breakthrough to
another level physically mentally financially spiritually then we got to not give you the tools we got to shift that internal sense of who you really are and have you find that you are more than anything that's ever happened to you that you can handle whatever shows up even if it's incredibly scary or uncomfortable loving yourself every moment all the time is not the secret to success having appreciation for yourself is different than constantly loving now in the Bible it says love thy neighbor as thyself so I think it's a worthy goal and it's useful but
most people are obsessed with it and I think get on about living a life that's meaningful and you'll love yourself is as long as you focus on you you're not going to love you cuz the human brain is always looking for what's wrong what to protect what needs to be changed it's a survival Instinct and so it's looking for things to fight or flight or try to freeze or pretend you're not there about yourself but when you're in a bit of service when you're trying to serve something more than yourself that's when the higher part
of your Consciousness is there that's when your heart is flowing and when you're doing that you're not thinking about you and therefore you feel love and I can tell you my own experience no one else have to earn love with me but my strategy has been I got to earn my own love right I got to be worthy of my own love I don't do that to somebody else how do you do that well by helping millions of people for you know 44 years now I'm finding the stage oh yeah I love myself I up
there enjoy myself I appreciate it but along the way I've always earned it now I don't think that's necessarily healthy or not but I like what it's done with me I know people that just think they're God's gift to creation and they don't add anybody to any other human being and they're to be a around they love themselves I would challenge that whole belief system I'd say it's appreciating yourself it's loving the people around you and the more you can Unconditionally Love others the more you'll unconditional of yourself but trying to start with yourself when
you're not doing with others forget it it'll never happen if you are really angry it's not usually because it's just the moment it's that it happened again you know it's like if you've ever lost it or overreacted to your kid or to a friend or business or even within yourself it's because it happened again we hit this 1 two 3 mini point and then our nervous system overreacts but what I've learned is you can stack the good and but for example if you're if you go in a state of really strong anger for more than
5 minutes your immune system is suppressed between an hour and a half to 2 hours that's a physiological fact when no one had done any study I started stacking good like okay let me stack a dozen great memories feel them see them experience them and I thought this biochemical change that didn't just last a half hour an hour or 10 minutes it went on for a day or two and so I think I've learned to stack the good so just having experience not enough you got to stack the good to be able to appreciate it
but I I think the more you find unconditional love for others the easier to Define in yourself and I think the focus is serving and loving and that's what will get to the point where you start doing it but if you want to speed it up stack all the good you've done you'll feel great about yourself cuz it's all about you me me me what I'm not getting what I'm not doing and that's why you're in pain and so I'm not telling you like I haven't done this I've done it too in the past but
it's an old pattern I don't really do anymore and it used to to affect me now not a dominant one I wouldn't have become who I become early in my life I developed this belief that life is calling not to give me something life is calling for me to deliver things for me to bring something to life and I felt the the joy that came from not getting but giving and I got hooked on that core pattern and then the pattern of learning so I'd have something to give [Music]
