الشخصية القوية | دورة تدريبية | الجزء الرابع | ياسر الحزيمي

First: the person who does not express his feelings, or who has a problem with his wife, but why did he tell her, she has notes about her husband, but she did not tell him, especially at the beginning of the relationship, she did not tell him, she did not speak, no one spoke, they enter this level, the "level of resistance". I give you a simple example, one of the sisters called me and said: I have a husband who is very kind, very generous, very polite, very moral, but his problem is that he likes to stay at

home, he does not get out of the house, and I want to visit my sisters, my friends, my mother, and my father. I want to go out, and I am ashamed to go out because of him, and if I go out, I look out and my heart is with him, if he comes back, I will prepare him lunch and dinner, and offer him sweets, and I find him distressed at me. I told her: it's simple, tell him I'm going out, and you go out, or let me go out while you're home, And I will prepare

everything for you in pots, and so I go out, without worry, she told me: I can't tell him that, by God, he does not fall short with me, and he is kind and respectful, and it is a higher shame for me to say such words to him. so, is the intention good or not? the intention is good, but it does not end well, this is a problem, sometimes the intentions are good, but they come at the expense of the results. so what did you do? she said: then after that I hate sitting with him, why?

because it became a source of pain to me. I said to her: my dear sister, you see that you are going through four stages. you are now in the stage of resistance, an inner resistance that no one feels, tomorrow you will feel resentful, then you will feel something called rejection, you will fight with him and scream, then repression, repression destroys the relationship, Days passed and she said to me: God willing, my Lord will solve it, and God willing, it will be facilitated. two weeks passed, she called me, and said to me: it became unbearable. I

told her: where did you get to with him now? did you tell him? she said: no, I did not. so she didn't get into the rejection stage, she is now in another stage. do you know what she was doing? I will tell you what she used to say to me, saying: if my husband goes to the mosque, I feel comfortable. you guess what she was doing? God bless you, she says: I was spitting on the door. I told her: do you hate him? she said no, by God, I don't hate it. I tell her: is

he a man? she says: By God, the best man, and I wish for no one else. just saying: I can no longer, I say to her: then talk to him. she says: no. I turn to her: then put up with this situation. of the people who resent and do not speak, then he speaks when he suffers, and if a person suffers, he begins to speak and errs. and if he makes a mistake, the other side confronts, the problem is not solved, so most of the people's problems at home are one recurring problems, because every time

it is raised, and not closed, it is not dissolved, each one says what is on his mind and accuses the other: you, you, you, you, you. then they don't come to a solution, they just give up. ok, let's see now what does this mean? first resistance, he feels internal resistance, meaning: he no longer loves, he becomes surprised... why? not possible... he starts hating from the inside, It starts from the inside getting annoyed on the inside. the other party does not feel anything, and he does not feel him. then, after this stage, he moves to the

stage of resentment. the resentment stage is one of its indicators that a person becomes intolerant towards you for no reason. no reason, okay, okay, okay, what did we say something about you? God willing, you want me to get you eggs, okay I'll get you eggs, don't talk too much, ok, she didn't say anything, but he was upset, he has something in him, he has inner resentment, those who respond sharply, or respond with one word, OK, OK, OK, we hear it often on the phone, one Egyptian says: what is wrong with you Saudis!! if you call

your wives, one of you is like a male duck. He says: talk to your wife normally? what's the problem? no problem, resentment stage, the person begins to respond with one word, upset, anything that provokes him, provokes him, talking to himself, then he moves from the stage of resentment to the stage of rejection. at this stage of refusal, he begins to speak: brother, let me get out of the house, and I will explode. we do not want, brother, we are bored, at this point, if the second resists it, and often resists it; it comes in the

form of accusation and conclusion, and starts defending, then comes the stage of repression, why? now he feels that nothing is worth fighting for, they quarreled, but did not get any results. So what does he do? he says to himself: let me shut up to buy my comfort, so, my dear, many homes live in peace and not love. meaning there are no problems between them, they are fine, many husbands respond to his wife because he wants her to shut up, not because he loves her. do what you want and don't bother me. he reaches the stage

of internal repression. what is this blockage? it’s problem is next: the tank of love is inside our hearts, it must be filled with attitudes, words, and actions. to be filled, to be filled, to be filled, to be filled, until it overflows, the evidence of its flood, that the other side on which you are sitting tired, began to cross, began to be grateful to you, may God reward you, thank you, life without you is nothing, and he begins to express. Well if I was doing something wrong, and you didn't tell me it was wrong, will I

continue to do it or not? of course I will continue; because I do not know the unseen, if you hate something, I will keep doing that thing; because I don't know that you hate him, and you haven't revealed what's inside you, I will practice it, the result is that you will hate me because I do things you don't like, and you didn't tell me you didn't, O honorable Prophet (pbuh), it is very, very, very clear. a book, "such the Great," was written in him, four hundred pages. what does Muhammad (pbuh) like and what does he

hate? the success of any relationship is based on knowing who is in front of you, and then approaching them according to that knowledge. if he doesn't like to joke, don't joke with him. If he doesn't like you to be late, don't be late for him. if he doesn't like to be late for lunch, don't be late for lunch. if he doesn't like cold tea, don't serve it cold. but the problem is, when you don't know what he wants, what he likes, and what he hates? you will not be able to deal with him in a

way that makes him happy. thus, your home is a repelling environment, not an attractive one. dear people, if you have a device, in order for it to operate at its full capacity, is it correct to operate it by trying and experimenting, or by using the operating manual? with the operation manual, because sometimes you burn the device. in our dealings with our husbands, with our wives, the wife with her husband and vice versa, many people do not know the operation manual, it is not good to use, rather, he makes life, by trial and error, capable of

revealing the other. Do we need thirty years, twenty-five years to understand each other? on the contrary, we need twenty-five minutes to sit together, we discuss among ourselves, what do I like, what do I hate, what do you like, what do you hate, then we deal with this area. gentlemen, when you have a minefield and don't tell me, I will go into the field and hurt you and me, if you have something you hate, tell me. if you have something you love, tell me so I can do it, and what you hate, stay away from it.

what will happen here? if you do not speak, she does not know the unseen. if you do not speak, he does not know the unseen. if she did the first mistake, the first mistake became like stones on a tank. Then the second mistake, then the third mistake, then the fourth, then the fifth, then the sixth, and I'm silent, I'm silent out of respect, I keep quiet out of omission sometimes, passive omission, I keep quiet because I'm afraid, I keep quiet because I don't know how to assert myself, whatever it is, I'm silent, then love disappears

and longing disappears, and schism occurs, physical distancing, everyone likes to sit alone, and if they sit next to each other, they sit on their phones, separated from each other. and if they show feelings, then it is only a manifestation of temporary feelings. there is no longing between them, meaning if the second is absent from the first, he does not miss. ok, when will the love tank explode and the water will return to its flow and love will flutter again? if there is a problem, they both reveal what is inside, They quarreled, then that night became

romantic, what happened? why did they go to a restaurant? why did she, from tomorrow, send him "I miss you", "God does not deprive us of you"? why did it happen this way? because the stones were removed, but if they were removed through a fight, they were removed by "boom"! the stones will settle at the top of the tank, they will come back, but if you remove it in a mature way, come wife, I don't like this, and I like that, the friendliness and serenity remain, God willing, until it is disturbed by other stones. you need

a frankness. here is a problem with the issue of repression when a person begins to repress. ok, so do I start checking everything out? the answer is no, folks. Imam Ahmad says: nine-tenths of well-being where? in omission, this is true, folks. But the omission is not on its release, when is omission healthy in relationships and when is omission really bad? if three indicators apply to the behavior: first: what happens constantly, behavior that happens constantly, daily your wife does, daily your husband does, every day your friend does it to you, every day your son behaves this

way, second: the thing that you cannot bear to happen, bothers you, third, what can be changed. in these cases, are you omitted or not omitted? forgive me, it is foolish for a person to neglect these cases, if it always happens and bothers you, and it can be changed, if you want me to hate you, I'll ignore these things, I'll hate you straight away; because you can change it, and you always do it while I'm sad, So when does omission work? if it rarely happens, ignore it. and if it can't be changed, ignore it. or if

it doesn't bother you, ignore it. so life is pure as for ignoring and making that a slogan, this is a mistake. oblivion is the poison of relationships, but clarity is the glue of relationships. that is why one of the virtuous people came to me and said: God the Mighty and Sublime said: {he made known part of it and ignored a part.} [Al-Tahrim: 3] he told me: the Prophet (pbuh) was ignoring, I said to him: this is evidence against you, not for you, because God Almighty said: {Know one and turn away from others} [Al-Tahrim: 3] so

life clears up, by being frank about things, and ignoring things, life clears up in this way, the permanent omission spoils life. someone says: I got married, and he has a problem that he does not like to hear the sound of eating, He never likes it. this is a disease called misophonia. this disease makes a person not like to do this, and he gets annoyed at the one who walks, pulling his legs. he is disturbed by the sound of the pen, the sound of chalk, and the sound of eating. it's name is misophonia. the man has

extreme misophonia, so he doesn't like the sound of eating. and because he is kind, and because he loves his wife very, very much, he did not hurt her feelings, why did he tell her: I don't like this voice, but he kept quiet. this behavior always happens, can it be changed? yes, we think it can be changed, does it bother him? yes, it annoys him. he says about himself, he says: I decided to be late because she had lunch, and I came after she finished eating, he says whenever I come home, I find my wife waiting

for me, so the first plan failed. so I went to the second plan, and I told her I would eat out, then I would go home, So, she prepared sweets and candies, he says, and the plan failed. he says: Yasser, don't imagine, while eating the salad, as if the sound of a machine gun, saying: I can't stand it, especially this salad, I don't know what to do, he says the third trick: I told her I will fast, so she fasted with him, and started waiting for him at breakfast, he says there is no solution, I

used to be late for work, have lunch and come back for lunch. she began to suspect that I was married. I mean, a house began to be destroyed because of the sound. she came and said: I do not know what is wrong with you, and I doubt you. you're having lunch outside the house, I don't know where you're going, and she started searching his mobile, is he on the defensive or offensive now? defense. so he had to tell her, and he said, “Oh, my wife, by God, I do not like this voice.” And you make

a sound while eating, and I can't stand this sound, even from my mom and dad. the poor man did not want to hurt her, so he stabbed her. because the person here feels that he is heavy, that he is deceived, that why did he remain silent all this time? he feels his stupidity, he feels his naivety, he feels everything, while if he had told her from the beginning, he said to her: my colleague makes a sound while eating and I don't like this thing if he had tried to disclose it, it would have been better

for him. O honorable ones, the rule in disclosure is to be reformed. any feelings, if the result of their disclosure is reform, never be silent, any feelings that have no value do not have to say them. a man asked permission to see the Prophet (pbuh), and the Prophet (pbuh) said: he is a bad member of the tribe. when he entered, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) treated in a frank and friendly way and spoke to him. when he departe , Aisha said: messenger of Allah! when he asked permission, you said: he is a bad member of

the tribe, But when he entered, you treated him in a frank and friendly way. the messenger of Allah replied: Aisha! Allah does not like the one who is unseemly and lewd in his language. some say what is this contradiction? the Prophet (pbuh) feels that the man is not good, so why did he deal with him in this way? Ibn Hajar said: “the Prophet’s words about the man are true, and the behavior of the Prophet (pbuh) with the man with him is of good character. it doesn't mean that I don't love you that I hurt you,

or that I don't give you your destiny, it doesn't mean that at all, therefore, when that man who killed Zaid bin Al-Khattab came in the battles of apostasy, when Omar saw him, he said to him: "I hate you as the earth hates blood." I don't mean you, after he converted to Islam, he said to Umar: "do your feelings towards me affect your dealings with me?" he said no, I don't care, whether you love me or not, just work with me right, treat me right, Thus, expressing feelings does not mean that a behavior is related to

feelings. you are required to deal truthfully with others, as for your feelings towards them, you are free in them. let us see the effect of concealment and lack of expression of feelings. in all relationships, people are divided into three classes, at work, for example, they are divided into three roles: rescuer - victim - aggressor. just notice now what the idea is. this is very important. he who asserts himself, who says his feelings do not need to enter into this play, that's a rule folks, what I'm going to say now is the result of when you

don't assert yourself, to get out of this wheel that is grinding you is through your assertion of yourself. I will give you examples. first: at work, a person does not assert himself. they give him someone else's job, and he can't take vacations, he plays the role of a savior. "don't worry, I'll solve the problems." If so-and-so is late, they call him to do his duties and more, and he does not demand any right. everyone goes to learn courses, but he does not go, everyone takes vacations, but he doesn't, if he is a teacher, he takes

all the last lessons. he takes all the waiting classes, and is always the supervisor; everyone asks him for permission to take the waiting classes, on the pretext that they live in remote places, and they want to return home, he stays every day of the week and is the one who supervises the students' exit, why? is it because he is a coward, or because he is well-mannered? because he is a coward, if he was of good character, he would feel proud of his actions. but if his chest is tight and he mumbles: what should I do?

they embarrassed me, He feels necrosis, this thing, eliminate him Guys, if you don't assert yourself, if the soul is silent, the body speaks, and the body speaks of diseases. a person who does not assert himself becomes ill. six physical illnesses caused by poor self-assertion, six diseases caused by poor self-assertion if you don't reveal what's inside you. the first thing that begins in the role of the savior, all right, don't worry, I will; and because he does not ask for his rights, no one knows about him, and because he is not asked, he is not given.

and because he was not given, he turned into the role of the victim, he started saying: God suffices me and He is the best trustee, I am everything on my head, they do not give me, they do not do for me. they say to him: go and tell the director. what does he say? He says, "no, if the manager understood and hinted, he would know how much I sacrificed." he plays the role of the victim, always talking about his achievements, and that he did, he begins to complain, grumble, grumble. how long does he sit? God

knows, a day, two days a year, sometimes a person sits in the role of the victim for years, victim, victim victim, until the day comes when he will no longer be able to bear it. so he moves on to the role of the aggressor, some of them resign, I have a colleague who resigned twice, you know why? because he is the best one. the best and most honorable person, By God, folks, if he takes off his garment, he will give it to you without saying no. I said to him: brother, set limits for you. he

said: no, I am like this, this is my nature. then he starts groaning, colon, ulcers, rheumatism, asthma, back pain, electricity in the head, all of which are weakness of self-affirmation. He doesn't talk, victim, victim, victim, then explodes. like Pepsi, when you shake it and shake it, Pop! then it explodes, in a company, someone came to consult me, he says: I am everything on my head, and I hold two directorates, I said to him: wait, stop, did you say to the director? he said: no, but he can see. I told him: he does not see, he

does not know the unseen, you must speak, because the manager thinks that you are happy. I said to him: go, tell him, I am tired. he said: no, he feels me, and the difference between a manager and a leader is that the leader feels people, but the manager doesn't feel people. he gave me a lecture on management, I told him: good, God willing. then he became bored and became an aggressor. By God, folks, he submitted a 13-page resignation. The first 12 pages were about injustice. he answered it from the fatwas of Ibn Taymiyyah about injustice,

injustice, injustice, and that you are unjust, may God suffice you, unjust, unjust, unjust, and the last page number 13 was its content that he wanted to resign, so, why did you reach this stage? when the resignation reached the manager, what did he do? he was surprised, and said: Yasser is good.. what happened to him? was he surprised or not? surprised, when he was surprised what did he do? he met Yasser and said to him: what is wrong with you? he said: what happens is unreasonable, everyone goes and takes courses, but I am everything on my

head. the manager said to him: well, I solve the matter, how many employees do you want with you? he said: I want one employee. he said: choose, who do you want? he said: I want Muhammad. he said: OK, God willing, Muhammad is with you. what else do you want? Go to this course, and you and Madame go to Mecca and Jeddah, he said: right? he said: yes. Yaser took the employee and went to Mecca and Jeddah and returned. the problem with these people is that if they return, they do not repent. rather, one of them

becomes a savior plus, an extremist, something unnatural. I have a problem, my weakness is self-assertion, I was taking it all over my head. there were days when I slept in the workplace, I slept in the workplace, Guys, this is not right, this is wrong wrong, also in that place I was responsible for scholarships and training, all of them were taking courses, but I was not able to nominate myself. everyone goes and I don't, and I'm sitting, and I'm sitting, and those who go, who does their job? The pressure was so great, that I became a

victim, and then an aggressor. I submitted my resignation, I speak to you about my life, I submitted my resignation, the resignation letter was sent to the manager by email. between my house and the director's house, there are approximately two hundred and fifty kilometers. this was on Thursday. I gave it this day because I was a coward, so that the manager doesn't come from tomorrow and talk to me about resigning, I presented it on Thursday, and between me and his house two hundred and fifty kilometers. I was surprised that he came from his city and prayed

with me in the mosque and kissed my head. and he said to me: what do you want and I will satisfy you? I regretted it and started asking myself: what did I do? By God, folks, that was on Thursday. so I started saying: Lord, Sunday will come. I hope that Sunday will come. I want to work, I want to burn myself more, what do I want to become? increase savior This is wrong guys, if you enter this area you will grind yourself. the rule says: any rescuer at work, who is a victim in the house,

or an executioner or an aggressor, and you were a lifesaver on the job, and it's all on your head, it is very natural, when you return home, the first thing you enter into a fight, you are upset, everything narrows your chest, and you play the role of the victim. how do you know the role of the victim? when her husband comes home, he grumbles, take it, my shmaghi, take it, By God, I have not tasted anything since morning. I was in dealings in meetings, he plays the victim. your wife has nothing to do with, Are

you playing the victim or coward? speak, why do you carry everything on your head, speak what is yours, what you must do, you must set boundaries. I give you attitudes from the family, let me give you an example of a man, then a woman, this is a true story that I have mentioned in more than one place. the man does not like pasta, but he did not say before that that he does not like pasta. he came once hungry, notice why you don't assert yourself getting into this predicament. if you confirmed yourself, it means that

you cracked the ticket for this play, do not enter it, he did not assert himself, nor did he ever say to them: I hate pasta. he came home hungry, and found pasta. now he is no longer able to do anything, to eat or not to eat? If he eats, what role does he play? savior role, is a noodle aggressor, but for him, what did he save? he saved the situation, and became eating, and he swallowed it. then his daughter did a certain thing, and he said to her: you are blind, may God suffice you. now

what role is he playing? the role of the aggressor, and his daughter? victim. the mother said: why do you deal like this with the girl? it is forbidden for you, God bless you. what has become of the mother? savior. he turned to her and said: only you have corrupted them. the mother became a victim, The girl said: it is forbidden for you to do this to my mother? the girl became a savior. he turned to the girl and said: what is wrong with you? she said: originally, we do not love you, we hate you, O

Lord, in Heaven my father will change. she became an aggressor; because she became screaming at him, and he became a victim. and the girl went, and the mother came and said: God suffices for you. you ruined the food for us. and the mother left in the clothes of a savior, she began to save the girl, he and his pasta sat, and nothing changed. he sat looking at the pasta. then he arose and pleased them with the clothes of the Savior. why all this roll? if I told her in advance: I don't like pasta. originally, this

situation is not supposed to be, if I told them before that I do not like pasta, Reveal what's inside of you, sometimes women do the same thing, the principal gives her 24 lessons a weak, and her colleague in the same specialty assigned her 12 lessons a weak and the mosque activities instead of classes. thus she is defeated, but remains silent. she came to her husband, her husband is working on the laptop, busy, what did she want from him? she wanted to talk to him, she had a problem at work and consulted him, supposedly, if she

had an affirmation of herself, she would have said: my husband, I want to take a little of your time. ten minutes, please, that's a self-assertion. but she didn't do that, you know what she did? she came to him, while he was working, and said to him: do you want tea? he said no , what role did she play? Savior, I mean I can bear, no problem, do you want tea? no thanks, ok juice? no, by God, I do not want anything. the hints did not work, the role of the savior did not work, what does

she do? she is moving to the other role. ask forgiveness of God. there is no might or power except by God. Oh God, bless our Prophet Muhammad..., he didn't care, then she says to him: By God, yesterday I tasted nothing at school. he says: By God, I also. she says to him: my head hurts, and he says: I am my head and neck. she says to him, "my leg also hurts." he says: "and my two legs hurt." It's not a challenge, but the husband turned it into a challenge, what does she want? I am stronger

than her the role of the victim did not work. so she went and hit the children, a woman who has no self-assertion, asserts herself through kitchen utensils. the bowls move vigorously, the doors close violently, in order to notice her, but he did not notice, there is also a movement that women do, this military gait walks, where the sound of walking is made while wearing the skirt, if a woman walks in this way, then she has a problem with asserting herself. she wishes she could speak. stop her, and tell her: come, my wife, sit down, and

tell me what you have. whenever she threw him a bait, she didn't repel him through it, ok, she said, I will bring you a scorching bait, tea you don't want, juice you don't want, your head hurts like mine, things didn't work out. She said to him: ok, the lamp is ruined. he told her: I will fix it, God willing. she said: ok, my washing machine is ruined, and we should wash. he said to her: ok, leave it, and I will tell the driver or Muhammad to fix it for you, God willing. things didn't work out,

the escalation started now, she said to him: this Thursday, I will not go to visit your family. he said to her: what is between you and my family now? God suffices for your devil. and a quarrel begins between them. what did she tell him? what do I do? do I find harm from you or from the school principal? everything on my head, hey, all this movie because you tell him that you have a problem at school? this is a problem, sometimes we do it in a way that has pure, good, and romantic intentions. I'll take

her to the market, and I have a date with my friends at 8, I just didn't tell her that. And she said: take me to the market at 6 o'clock. we went to the market and walked, and because I am in a hurry, and she thinks I have nothing, she is calm and I am burning. she walks and looks quietly, for a man, the market is a task, and for a woman, it is a tour. walking tour, not necessarily buying, so please sisters, I will give you a advice, if you go to the market, take

your prayer clothes with you. and when you finish the market, put the prayer clothes in a bag, as if you had bought something; because the man gets very angry if he takes his wife to the market and she spends the time without buying anything. why? because the task has not been accomplished, and this means that we have to get out again, the man went to the market, the wife is happy, and the man is grinding, his appointment is at 8, he told her at 7 we finish the market? she said: yes. they finished the market

at 7. and because she thinks he's free, and he hasn't spoken, She said to him: today I will invite you to dinner. Allah is my suffice, and the best deputy, he told her ok quickly, let's order shawarma because it is fast. he had a date, and he didn't tell her, weak self-assertion, they went to the restaurant, and asked for grills, which means that there is at least an hour to prepare the order. and they brought the menu, and she took out the phone, and started posing for her sisters and posing for her friends. and a

group of men's friends send him pictures of a sheep, where are you, sheep? and he says to them: I will come soon, God willing. drink coffee then I will come. and he didn't tell his wife the date, while the wife was happy, the man exploded, he was the savior, and then he exploded, he shouted at her, "order quickly, we didn't come to shoot." she said: what is wrong with you? He said: I am busy. ok tell her from the beginning, what happened to the wife? covered, and wept bitterly, so the husband's savior role was played.

he called the waiter: Muhammad, bring a menu. ask what you want, my wife, and she keeps on crying, he sends to his friends: I will be late. eat dinner. don't wait for me. he surrendered, he lost his wife and he lost his friends. his friends dined, then he asks the waiter to bring some of this food and of this, and spreads the table for her. oh my wife, do not cry, she says: I don't want anything, may God suffice you. He calls the waiter and asks him to take the food away. he paid four hundred

riyals to give this dinner to someone else to eat. he did not go with his friends, did not dine with his wife, and did not please her, you deserve this, you coward. he could have said from the start, "I'm busy." what is this called? in affirmation, it is called "negotiation." I mean, I don't have to win and you lose, or I lose and you win. let's negotiate, he says: I have an appointment at 8. she says: ok, I will invite you to dinner today. he says to her: today I will take you to the market,

then I will go to my friends. and tomorrow or the day after tomorrow we go to dinner. is this better or the movie that happened? he paid four hundred riyals and no one eats the food. all of these can be overcome after the success of God Almighty through the affirmation of yourself. I advise you, dear brother and dear sister, to announce your operating manual to your own, What do you like and what do you hate, like and dislike list, sit with your wife or with people close to you. sit even if you and her have

spent twenty years together, you must discuss: what you should do with me, what you should do with me, what you should not, what you like, what you hate. By God, many people who tried it and communicated with me that it made their lives more harmonious. I'm not saying that the problem is solved, but at least we live comfortably, I live with someone who knows what I like? and what do I hate? borders are drawn and what is possible of them is done. I mean, there are requests that I can't do, but through it, what can

be done is drawn, and life becomes more harmonious, God willing. finally, before we make the second stop, to what extent should a person demand his limits? and to what extent is silent? does he always express and affirm himself or not? there is such a thing as the rule of rights and limits, We summarize it in the position of Ibn al-Zubayr with Umar, may God be pleased with them both. Omar came, Omar from whom the demons flee. while he was wandering in the streets of the city, the children saw him, and they ran away. because Omar

is not like anyone else, all the children ran away, except for Abdullah bin Al-Zubayr. He did not run away, but rather remained standing. Omar wondered, and said to him: why didn't you run away like your friends? he said: O Commander of the Faithful, the road was not narrow, so it was wide for you, and I did not do anything to scare you. I mean, what is the reason for my escape? when Mrs. Aisha's sister raises him, and when he grows up with the Prophet's (pbuh) disciples it produces a son who knows his rights and the

limits of others. I didn't do anything to be afraid of you. and the road was not narrow so that I could make room for you. knowing the rights and the limits, you have the right to be angry, but you do not have the right to make fun of me, You have the right to blame me, it is not your right to raise your voice to me. it is my right while I am standing in the path that you are behind me, you do not have the right to pass me, I will not allow, if you

tell me these things are simple, these simple things eat away at your self-esteem, in your assertiveness, and in your personality. ok, let us now see another rule in the same context. there is a simple warning on this rule, a simple warning, this borderlessness is weakness, we agree, but also, dear ones, too many limits is also a weakness. everything is no no no, and no one says anything to me, no one touches me, and to be upset about everything. therefore, Dr. Mustafa Al-Debardash, may God have mercy on him, mentioned in a study "On a Chicken Net",

mention the following study, he said that when they did a study on the behavior of chickens, they discovered that chickens are classified into four types: There is a type A chicken. A chicken of type B. A chicken type C. A type D chicken. so why these differences? he said that chicken A is very strong and fierce, it clicks the chicken B, it clicks C, it clicks D, and no one clicks it, and that the chicken B clicks C, and it clicks D, but it is clicked from A and that the chicken C does not click

except for D, and it is clicked from A and B, and that the chicken D clicks and does not be clicked, everyone hurt it. dear friends, in most homes and work environments, there is one A and one D. this is what they laugh at, unfortunately, some teachers have him in every class, a student D, who makes fun of this student, So some relationships do not arise except for the sake of making fun of D, some say: what do you think that we go to such-and-such and invite such-and-such to make fun of him? what kind is

this? type D. making fun of him, well, if you're type A, don't rejoice, never rejoice, because this is a weakness in your self-assertion; because aggression is weak, type A, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “the most evil of people on the Day of Resurrection is the one whom people will beware of their evil.” those who fear that so-and-so will be upset, no one says anything to him, no one discusses it, no one talks to him, this is what the Prophet (peace be upon him) said about him that he is one of the most evil

people on the Day of Resurrection. if you are type A, you are not happy. also, if you're type D, don't be happy. because the believer is not weak, and the strong believer is more beloved to God than the weak believer, And there is good in both of them. so what are the limits? do I become (A) or (B)? do I become (A) or (D)? the basic principle is that you click, and you accept to be clicked, and click when needed. “the believer who mixes with people and is patient with their annoyance is better than the

one who does not mix with people and is not patient with their annoyance.” this type D is the most deserving of all to attend personal strengthening courses. do you know why? because this goes in meetings, in breaks, or in assemblies, or wherever, and they begin to shy away from him, and he accepts, accepts, accepts, and they laugh at him, and he accepts, and he accepts, gets upset, then satisfied, and then he goes to seclude, mobilizes and recovers, then he gets tired and disappears again, then returns, after he recovers, Therefore, you find him at a time

when he withdraws, turns off his phone, and does not answer anyone, and he doesn't come to meetings, some ask: what is wrong with him? can be upset, can be tired, weary, back again, and a third, and a fourth, so the best solution for type D is: how do you respond to sarcasm? we're going to take, how do you respond to sarcasm? a strategy called assertive escalation. when you have an affirmation, how do you mount it? the base of the scabbard and the sword, that's what I want to stress, God Almighty says: { [who are] humble

toward the believers, powerful against the disbelievers;} [Al-Ma’idah: 54] can a person be servile and dear at the same time? the answer is yes, if he chooses, also, God Almighty’s saying “humble” does not mean humiliation, rather it means the big camel, as Ibn al-Qayyim said. The camel, though large and gigantic, was led by a child by its stubby. will be obedient, but what happens if it refuses? if they were ten, they wouldn't be able to move it. the believer in this way is strong in his desire, agrees with his conviction, refuses if he needs to refuse,

he is dear to the one who deserves it, and humiliated to the one who deserves it. therefore, the rule of the sword and scabbard I mean the following: in your assertiveness you must have a sword and a sheath, you raise the sword in front of someone who deserves what he deserves, and not in everything. and sheathed it in front of the worthy, who has favor over you, your father and your mother? and what is not worth it, you have a sword, where is the problem? that some people always have a sword, with all people, this

is aggression, Or a poor person who always has a sheath, so he is a victim, and he is beaten and not hit. a balanced personality is servile to whom it wants, dear to whom it does not want. so if you have this quality that you can have a sword and a scabbard with you, the stronger your relationships are. most of people's suffering is from people. if you ask the "Su'ada" team, what are the people's most problems? he said to you: By God, there is no one who communicates except that he has a problem with someone

else. so, what is the relationship of the strong personality with the status of “Usri” and “Usrah”? simply put, there is what is called psychology and there is what is called sociology. Psychology speaks for itself, Sociology talks about individuals within a group, within a society, ok, is there knowledge that unites them? yes, it is " social psychology". What is the definition of social psychology? its definition is painful in itself. this course is from social psychology, meaning how to be a good person to live in a society. the definition of social psychology is: the influence of people

on the psyche in the presence of how in the present? as like us, one with the other now, question: are you now, do you rest as you are at home? no, so people's presence now affected yourself. so: it is the effect of people on the soul, whether present or implicit. what is the implied meaning? in the sense of having people implicit in context, meaning that you can go to the land, and there are people a kilometer away from you, And you find that your behavior is affected by their presence. sometimes you are at home, and

you say: Lower your voice so that your neighbors do not hear, this is an implicit existence. in Twitter, the presence of people is implicit, when you take into account specific tweets, this is an implicit presence of people, so, it is the influence of people on the psyche, whether present or implicit, and painful: or imaginary.. this hurts, how imaginary? some people are affected by imagining the existence of certain people. example: when one of us opens the closet, and chooses from clothes what he thinks he will like, so-and-so, and that so-and-so might attend, and start thinking about

his behavior now, he chooses it based on the presence or absence of people; the effect of people is fictitious. when we say: what do people think of that? If someone holds a Ph.D., and I ask him: why did you take a doctorate? he says until I prove to them who I am. who are they ? who are they? this is the presence of imaginative self-impact people. in conclusion, dear ones, the intention in asserting ourselves is to be to stop, not to violence and harm. when your little son - forgive me for this word -, take

this word or leave it, raise it or put it down, take it easy, this is not from my words, this is in all the words I heard, unless it was a hadith or a verse. if your child is beaten at school by students, an elementary child is beaten by students, tell him: tell the teacher, but if the teacher does nothing, due to his shortcomings, or because he is busy due to the large number of students, your son will come to you and say: father, I told the teacher, but he did nothing. Ok, if I told

him: tell him a second time, and he told him a second time, then the students hit him, then he told the teacher, and the teacher didn't do anything to him. then tell him: if someone hits you, hit him. oh! they will tell you: is it a jungle system? yes guys. he who hits you, hit him, he who pushes you, push him, and he who catches you, hold him. ok who spits on you?? don't spit on him, don't go down with him in bad, but hit him, tell the teacher, hit him. guys, if a son trains

in a realistic environment like this, he grows and weakens, ok if you say: in this way, if he grows up, he will hit people, not true, these are small childish acts, through which he learns the reality of life, one of the doctors in psychological counseling objected to me. he came and told me: we are not supposed to teach him how to hit people, but how to defend himself. I said to him: God willing, how can I make my son defend himself? I actually told him, I want to take advantage, how does he defend himself? how

do I say to a child: defend yourself, what does it mean? the elder can defend himself, deter, speak, the elder understands the meaning of defending, or resisting or attacking, he understands, but the little one, how do I tell him? the doctor discussed me in front of people, then came to me in a break, and said to me: in fact, I believe in your words, but it is not appropriate for us to say to people: whoever hits you, hit him. I said how? is this fatwa for me and my family? he said: yes. I said to

hit their children, Their children are defending, and you and I flog our children. there is no such thing as a private opinion, why are we allergic to this thing? no guys, if you get hit, come tell the teacher, let me know, we didn't do anything for you, hit whoever beats you. participant: the Doctor: he must move, he must act. example, Professor Obaid says sometimes they are stronger than him, right, so I brought this picture, you saw the frog what does it do? the rule here is at least not to let him have fun, stronger than

you no matter what, but at least shake him, hit him, do anything, take his pens, and don’t give yourself up, no. try to do something, sometimes your enemy is no match for you, you are not his equal, but at least you do not make him enjoy, Types of people in asserting themselves and claiming rights, there are four types of people in asserting themselves and claiming their rights. 4 types, built on tolerance and frankness. some people are frank. some people who are never frank are silent. some people never forgive. some people are always forgiving. if mixed,

four types of self-affirmation are formed. good that you evaluate yourself in what type you are? one: this aggressive, has frankness and did not forgive, his example: a person entered a restaurant ordering orange juice, for example, a chicken burger, orange and chicken. and the waiter came and gave him lemons and meat. the request is not his request, he does not want it. In this situation, people are divided in their claim of their rights into four types: the first aggressive type is blunt, come, come, come, come. lift, lift, lift, lift, bring the manager, how is this happened?

and it creates a problem, and it is possible to write about them on Twitter, cursing, even after they fix his request, and answer him with the purpose of receiving it while he eats, God suffices for you, you bring lemon juice?! I told you tomatoes, he starts cursing and talking. this aggressive person can take his rights but lose his relationships, and maybe his health, he always gets upset, and is fierce in his claim. is there a better way? the answer is yes, you do not necessarily have to be violent in claiming rights, but there are people

who have frankness and tolerance, and this is the reformer. he comes and says to him, "come, I did not ask for this quietly." calmly exercise his rights, I just didn't ask for this, to be honest, I didn't ask for this. if it is possible to change, suppose the worker said to him what I can, I cannot, ok, I'm talking to your manager, I'm talking to his manager. may I refuse the request, is it possible? quietly. to forgive the wrongdoer and open up to him for his wrongdoing. I quietly insist on my right, this kind is

the reformer, the strong reformer, speak politely. its base and motto is disclosure to reform. I remember one time I stood in a place where I used to stand at the airport, Exit 7. I always take a taxi to the airport, every time I go 50 riyals, every time, I mean, there is no other word. I know the area well or the distance. I got into the taxi this time and he was talking on the phone. I did not negotiate with him, and this is one of the mistakes that weak self-assertion makes. Poor self-confidence, start any

business without agreements, and I learned a very important rule from a plumber, he is coming to work for me, I said fine, just like that, just like that, he told me how much money? I said we'll see later. he told me no, if now we talk, then everything later will be good, so in relationships, relationships must begin with agreement. and it ends with morals, it begins with an agreement, we must agree, what begins with problems or begins with silence and secrecy, then it ends with an explosion. so I got on and he was talking to

his mother on the mobile, so I arrived at the airport, and the man finished the call and came to drop me off. he told me 100 riyals, I told him, by God, I will not give you 100. he told me only 100, I told him no in 100, he said every time I come from here to here 100, I told him I came twenty times from there to here for 50 riyals, he said, I am 30 years old, I did not make this argument with Mutawa. I said I'm not voluntary, I will do an argument,

what do I have to do with you, I never argue with a taxi, I didn't talk to you at first because you spoke on the phone and I respected you. 100 riyals I will not give you, he said to me, “this is your word.” I told him, “this is my word.” I told him, yes, let us know how to act. I told him I would come every time for 50 riyals, no problem? he said these are your words. I told him it was good, God willing. take this 50 riyals, and I came down before I

walked. I gave him 20, and this for your mother. you became here, you gave him with justice or with grace? here it is thanks, that we treat people in the same way, this is fairness you see. {and the recompense of an evil is the same as it.} [Al-Shura: 40] reciprocity is fair, but the Qur’an also urges us to treat with kindness. But the credit does not come if it is necessary, rather, if there is a choice, meaning I will give him 70 or 100, may God suffice for him. may God speed him up. I come

and say, I ask God for reward. no pay for this, why is there no wage? because the standing committee was asked, the questioner said, says our manager came and collected donations, we ask God for well-being, the manager collects donations naturally, the generosity appears, he says, and the director collected the donations, he says, so I made a donation out of shyness from him, so will I be rewarded for that? the Standing Committee replied, actions are by intentions, and you are not rewarded for that. because you meant the face of your boss, so you lost the world

and religion, neither the world nor the religion for him, I did not return his money to him, nor did he have a wage here, why? because it is necessary. this is the situation that I settled with the taxi and insisted that I give him 50, I'm assuming I'm giving him the 70. I don't have a problem, you see I do it for myself, I do it even for those who come after me, the unjust aggressor must feel, and he is not unjust, that your flesh and the flesh of people like you are bitter. do not

make him deviate, so he who pardons wrongdoing and wrongdoing without reforming, participates in corruption. this is what Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen, may God have mercy on him, said, so he must be frank with tolerance for reform. be a repairman, number three, the third type in the story of the restaurant is the one who does not forgive or be frank, the first thing they answer the request is I did not ask for lemon, God suffices for them, thank you, he says to them, God suffices for them. he does not forgive or be frank, on Twitter, this restaurant

is full of flies, do not worry about them, they are standing up. and he goes when he is upset, and he goes to wash, and he opens the faucets to the last thing, what does he want? wants revenge, and scurries in napkins on the last thing, splatters in toothpicks, sprays cologne everywhere, he takes the money and throws it from afar, and his condition is hard. no one knows about you, and he sits down and grinds, and sometimes he returns to himself and rubs until he acknowledges them. what defeats them? a coward, they did not know

about you, a coward who destroyed societies, and homes, institutions and organizations, neither satisfaction is desired, nor disclosure exists. nor does reform exist. therefore, one of the worst patterns is this pattern that does not speak no matter how painful it is. The last type is tolerance and lack of frankness, what does this do? no problem, lemon, chicken, fine guys, we're ordering a second one. right, you don't have a problem, you really forgave, but you didn't make amends, he will dare to others because, you must be good, you must be doing something, o people, come the girl

in the hairdresser, and of course they put her like that in the chair. you don't know what they'll do, and they'll confuse, they'll confuse, they'll confuse, and normal, you speak with her half of the words in English and the atmosphere of the decor, these are all pressing on what? to be honest, you put pressure on the person who does not assert himself. a luxurious place, receiving her in a luxurious way, cutting her nails, and they wipe her feet, she feels grateful to them she will pay money, and if she sees herself in the mirror "Dracula",

they say to her: did you like it? she says: very cool, may you rest in peace. She asks them : how much does it cost? they say: 700 riyals. she says: very cheap, 700 riyals. take the 700. may God give you wellness. thank you so much. she goes out happy, goes home crying, and washes her face in their home laundry. and she calls upon them, and the neighbors hear her protest. so where is this protest? why not while she was at the hairdresser? because if you are claiming your right, no one else will fall into

what you did. if you, and the second, and the third, and the fourth, need you to produce a law to stop such people, but many people are silent, Eid days, even on non-Eid days. when one of us goes to buy a shemagh, for example, and merchants play on self-assertion, consciously or unconsciously. God I don't know. he shows you the first shemagh, then the second shemagh, and you didn't ask him, then he shows you the third shemagh, By God, sometimes you buy out of embarrassment. question: did you tell him or not? you didn't tell him, two:

is it his duty or not? his duty, do you have the right to say yes or no? your right, therefore, why are you afraid that you go away, and you say God gives you wellness and go away? let him do what he wants to do, You exercise your right, there is no problem, therefore, when we assert ourselves, it is good to take into account that we seek reform through disclosure. one of the great positions on self-affirmation in the biography of the Prophet in the Battle of Hunayn. a group of the Ansar became angry with the

Messenger of God (may God bless him and grant him peace). why? because the Prophet (pbuh) when the many spoils came, he distributed these spoils to the newly converted of Quraysh. they said: the Messenger of God, (pbuh), found his people and gave them the spoils. that's something on their minds now, did they shut up? no they didn't shut up so the Prophet (pbuh) came and said: O Saad, -Saad was their leader-. he said to him: I was informed about you that you said such and such. here the saying of the Prophet (pbuh) also is a self-affirmation.

What did Saad say? he said, yes, O Messenger of God. yes, they were angry with themselves against you. now, see the mighty question, he said: and you, Saad, what do you think? what embarrassment!! what is this position!! imagine your boss asking you this question, while you're quoting from your colleagues, the director says to you: ok, and you, what do you think, Yasser? I will tell him: don't you care about them, and by God, they have no right. and what about you, Saad? - as if to say: are you with me or with them? - and

what about you, Saad? Saad, who was raised on self-affirmation, says: I am only a man of the people - frankly speaking - because self-assertion does not cause the other party's anger, he said to him: O Messenger, I am a man of the people, I am with them, and I agree with them in their feelings, and what they feel, I also feel. he (pbuh) will say: gather them for me. the Prophet (pbuh) expresses his feelings. he says: were you not divided, so God brought your hearts together through me? were you not misguided, so God guided you

through me? they say: yes, yes, Messenger of God, yes, Messenger of God. he said: if you wished, you would have said, and you would have believed, and you would have believed. what did they start? they tell about their feelings. their beards were wet with tears, then he started mentioning their status and value and that they are the best. Then he said to them: do you accept this negotiation? they said yes, O Messenger of God. and that beautiful story that began with a healthy self-expression ended, they spoke with generosity and frankly, they did not rebel and

did not establish a revolution. nor withdraw, not turn away, and they spoke frankly and politely. O Messenger of God, we have one, two, three, four, and the truth does not upset the wise person. so these are the types of people, you put yourself in what position you are, go ahead, brother one of the participants:... Doctor: well done! Is the original that a person moves between these four? the person who has a strong character is most likely to be a reformer. he doesn't let things go like this, rather, he demands politely. But sometimes he is a

coward with his father, and this cowardice is a greatness, because it came from a choice. he can reply, but because he is his father, he is silent because he is his father, and because he is aware of this thing, it is by choice, this raises his status. of the people who argued with his father, and this is disobedience, and from the people: one plus one equals two in the whole world, except for his father and mother, and one plus one equals what my mother and father say. two? two, daddy, right, five? as you say, on

my eyes and on my head, this act came with a choice, it came with awareness, it came with a pure intention, came with a sense of their bounty, man moves consciously. another very important matter, the Prophet (pbuh) gave us a philosophy in dealing with rights, that if rights are lost, if people no longer give you your right, what do you do? it is wrong to abandon your duties. For example, a woman whose husband does not give her her rights. perfection is that she performs her duties towards him. because the Prophet (pbuh) said: "you will see

after me favouritism and things which you will disapprove of." they submitted: "what do you order us to do (under such circumstances)?" he replied, "discharge your obligations and ask your rights from Allah". if you reach this stage, do what you have to do, and ask God what is yours, but if you asked, you asked, you asked, and you didn't get an answer, do not stop. sometimes with your wife, sometimes with your husband, do what you have to do, and ask God what is yours, there is something called Down syndrome, a disease that has become a lot,

now in something called Yes Syndrome, it has become a worldwide disease, the compliment cannot say no, this is a weakness of self-assertion. Polite, he is a coward, good manners, he is a coward, shyness, he is a coward, I was ashamed of him, he is a coward, and by God, I could not say no, you are a coward, you have the right to say yes, and you have the right to say no. make your slogan "Yes to No", how easy for you to get out of your heart? people who have weak self-assertion, their problem is clearly

visible in promises and appointments, because they cannot say no. ok what does he do? it does the following: first he has a word he always repeats, the word "but", those who have weak self-assertion use “but” a lot in their responses. the problem is that the statement before it is incorrect, and what follows it is incorrect. how is that? if you say to him: what do you think if you come with us tomorrow, we want to go out? He says: yes, but by God, I have an appointment in the hospital. of course these people have 20

aunts who die a year. very normal, my aunt died, my uncle happened to him like this and that, the boy's temperature has risen, and sometimes these things are not true, he is just claiming, always before "but" and after "but" is not true, I would like to go with you, but I have such and such. escaping from what? it is an escape from the pure "no", he cannot say no, he cannot exercise his right, how does he escape from the situation? he runs away with "yes" and "but", this is not out of courtesy. I give you

an example, is it a courtesy to lie? no, you must build your relationship on the right, do not build it on falsehood, you should not lie, I give you an example: if your friend's son's leg broke, and you called him, and said to him: can I visit you now? And in the meantime, he is preparing his son to go to the hospital, what do you expect him to answer? will he say: yes, come with us, and say to his son: it is okay to bear it, my son, and be patient, the believer is afflicted? no,

or is it possible for him to say: I would like you to come with us, but...? no, rather, he will say to you: no, and he will not feel pain, regret, or embarrassment in it. he will tell you: no, by God, I cannot, my friend. by God, you are dear, but I have a problem. ok, if I told him: I will visit you, what would he say to me? he will say: no. ok, if I told him: I will only greet you, he will tell me: brother, no, understand me, I have an emergency. he could

say "no" easily, question: if I am going to the hospital, and someone says to me: So-and-so wanted to visit you, he might be upset. what should I say? I don't care about him, I didn't do anything wrong, I had an emergency, I had something important that made me say no. Oh dear, pay attention. when you treat your life, goals, time, and family as things of value, then No will simply go out. he said "no" a little while ago, because he had something of value, the boy is in the hospital, because it has value, the "no"

came out easily, when you treat your goals as having value, you will simply say “no.” if we want to say the pure "no" well, we must train ourselves by stepping into the following, people run through this runway, number one: at first he'll say yes, and he doesn't want to, you say to him: will you go with us? he will tell you: yes, and he does not want to. he goes against his will and is embarrassed. he says: yes, and he does not want to. He's dating his mom, he's dating his wife. immediately after the prayer,

he will go to take them somewhere. you meet him at the mosque after the prayer, and you start talking to him. because he is weak in self-assertion, what will he do? he will compliment you, press the phone, and close the phone, ok, simply tell him: with your permission, I have an appointment. why do you hate the person, and others hate you? how do you hate a person, and others hate you? why do you hate him at that moment? and you're late for the people you've dated, and they hate you, too. so, first of all, he

can say "yes" and he doesn't want to, you can go with them and you don't want to. the next stage, the human skin begins to harden a little, his personality becomes stronger, He delays the answer, does not respond quickly, and does not commit himself to anything. he says I will look into it, God willing. of course, the words: “maybe,”, “I will look into it,” and “God willing.” these make the vision null and void in the relationship, and it is often harmful to the other party. when you advise me on something, and I tell you, God

willing, it is possible, and I will see. he will stop all his attempts, because he is waiting for an answer from me, because I am afraid to tell him “no.” I told him, “maybe, I will look into it.” and I wasted his time, to tell him at the end: “no”, I'm supposed to tell him "no" from the start, and God won't get angry, this is better than delaying him and wasting his time, then in the end shocking him with the word "no", along with a set of excuses and justifications. this second type, but better than

the first, Because the first went and didn't want it, the second didn't go, the third type: you can say "no", and with promises to try, I can't, but I will try, God willing. By God, I am not able, because I am dating Abu Abd al-Aziz, but if I can leave him early, I will come with you, or if I can apologize, I will come to you, he says "no" with promises to try. of course, those who are weak in self-affirmation and always practice this, once he says that to his friends who know him, what do

they say? he's not coming, they know how he's behaving, he's a coward. the fourth stage: to say “no” with a set of excuses. no, because I am such-and-such and such-and-such, and it begins, it is impossible, it is impossible. this is number four. Then he gets stronger and says an explicit “no” without promises or excuses. but the problem with this “no” is that he then feels pain, embarrassment, regret, or blame, because he did not get used to it. he says it and feels that he made them grieve. if he says it once, twice, three times, he

gets used to it, and reaches the stage of the pure “no”. to say no explicitly without a negative feeling that accompanies it, then you will feel proud, entitlement, and pride, no, by God, I can't. so when does a person apologize? when is justification given? first: sometimes if this word is repeated for one person, for example, someone called me this Thursday and I told him no, the following Thursday, I told him no. the Thursday after that, if I told him no, here he would be surprised, here it is good that I justify, Is my justification here

weakness or politeness? politeness guys, second: if I am asked to justify, then I also have the choice to justify or not to justify. if I submit a leave request, then your manager says to you: why? and I told him: because of circumstances, if he said to you: what are these conditions? no, stop, that's not your right, that's your limit, this is an affirmation. thus, we are going to stage number 6, it is good that we are going through consciously, if I said no and made promises, I should know that there is something stronger than this,

to say no with excuses, and even stronger, to say "no" without excuses, And it is more powerful to say “no” like a bullet that comes out of me with ease. this gradation is mature in dealing with demand pressures. the rule remains: that whoever always says yes, loses himself, his goals, his time, his family, his efforts, and his health. he who says yes, yes, yes, loses it all, you may know people, whom we call good, I have been with people in the place where we work, every request that is asked of them, they say: yes, yes,

yes, twice the ambulance comes to pick them up, twice they faint, and then, no one asks about them, people are preoccupied with themselves, and do not know about these sacrifices, enjoy your life, seek the pleasure of your Lord, perform your primary duties, and you have the most important and then the important, and the closest first to the favor. I remember one time I had a lecture, ten years ago, and I stayed three days working continuously, continuing day and night. I kept preparing for the lecture, and I was anxious, and there was no book that I

did not read, and there was nothing that I did not summarize, By God, food sometimes cools down what you ate. but I harmoniously sit down, I attend and speed up the time, I race and I speed up. and an abnormal lack of sleep, to the point that I was standing, and fainted from exertion, and while I was working and working, the lecture began, I came very, very ready, and I spoke, I spoke, I spoke, and I was happy, people see that I am sitting and talking, and my affairs are good. the first break is over;

so I went with people to coffee. while we were sitting at the coffee, two people were talking in front of me, and they didn't know that I was behind them, He used to add sugar to the coffee and say: what is the news of the period? what news of the coach? of course I prepared for three days for this answer, is the coach good or not? God is good then they started saying: men, what is the news today? and I'm behind them saying: Oh my God!!! three days ago, I was preparing for the lecture with

great fatigue. I fainted, in order to be said about me as good, and then they move on to talk about football news and world news!!!! I realized that people do not know about people's efforts. nobody knows about you, enjoy your life, and by the way, no one is going to date a mistake if you mess up, if they ask: when were you born? they will not say: on the day that so-and-so slips, don't think that people are looking for your failures and your slips, no, no, people are preoccupied with themselves, not with you. By God,

the WhatsApp message is distracting them from you. so we shouldn't exaggerate people. because if we exaggerate people, what happens to ourselves? dwarf our selves, the principle of constant comparisons, either raises your status, or brings you down. the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him), in his speech to the Kharijites, what did he say? he said: “you despise.” note the word “despise “ “a group of people will appear among you whose prayer, fasting and deeds will make you think little of your own prayer, fasting and deeds”. why did we despise us, because the comparison process

worked, when you raise people, you degrade yourself against your will. that is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: " treat people according to their status" . what is the status of people? That they possess neither harm nor benefit for themselves, therefore, dealing with people is based on mental interaction in the first place. someone comes to you and says: By God, I am afraid of the minister, I am afraid of the director, I am afraid of the prince. I'm afraid of people's evaluation, I'm afraid of people's response, I'm afraid of what people say, because

when you exaggerate these people, it is very natural to be afraid of them. dear ones, I give you a brief, there are more than fifty-four ways to deal with this situation, but if you want the true, longest and most profitable way in that you bring people down to their status, and that you are not afraid of them, then it is this: now if you have a new mobile, are you afraid of it or not? you're afraid of it, why? because it has value for you. anything that has value with us, we fear for it. anything

that has power over us, we are afraid of it. If you combine the two things in people, you will never walk with your head held high, you will be afraid, why? they have a value with you, and you feel that they have power over you. for example, you don't want your boss to get angry with you and you're afraid he'll hurt you. these are not to be collected except for God Almighty. whoever has destiny and ability with you, has destiny with you and ability over you. if you send this thing down to the creature, and

God entrusts you to it and tortures you with it, By God, you will fear everyone. and whoever fears God, God will fear everyone from him. therefore, if we come to talk about treatment, there are fifty-four methods. but the most durable and most beneficial is the good faith in God, the Mighty and Sublime, and the veneration of God’s rank in the soul. ok how? this is a simple rule, The small thing, if you compare it to something big, it gets smaller, if you compare it to something small, it will be big. sometimes something gets big, and

who makes it bigger? the people.. for example, he says to you: now the director wants you, or the minister wants you. the image of the director or minister is now great, then you go in and see the building, the principal's office, what happens to the picture? grow up, ok, so what about waiting?? this also enlarges the image; because waiting indicates the importance, then you see the people who are coming, they are all wearing formal clothes, and the picture becomes bigger, what happens to you? get smaller, to deal with this, say: I don't care! did you

see this? blew it up, that is why Ibn Taymiyyah says: whoever was in crowds, and was in a situation he was afraid of, He says: remember something bigger, because this big thing gets smaller. to say: God is great. if you feel greatness towards anyone, feel that God is greater, because the problem is primarily mental, you are just afraid of it, a mental image, you remember the greatness of God; because this big one will make this big one smaller. and the proof that it is a mental process is what was mentioned on the authority of Al-Izz

bin Abd al-Salam, Sultan of the Scholars. when he stood up to Caliph Ayoub, and said: O Ayoub, then he rivered him, and said: why don't you give it to the people of the frontiers? and he spoke, spoke, spoke, the Caliph feared him and responded directly to him. the servant of Ezz bin Abd al-Salam said, "O Imam, how did you tell him what you said?" how dare you? he said: I remembered the greatness of God, and he became before me like a cat. he became small, but when? "I remembered", note the word "remembered", so the process

is primarily mental, two: when Imam al-Awza’i came, and the Caliph Abu Jaafar al-Saffah called him, Al-Awza’i says: I was afraid of him, so I put on my shrouds. because he intends to kill him, he says: when I entered, the people gathered their clothes, why? because if he hits his head, his blood won't make them dirty. so I entered and spoke to him, and he honored me and made me sit on his chair, then I left. they said to him: how dare you? he said: I was afraid of him, so I put on my shrouds. then

when I entered and saw him on his throne, I felt the greatness of God on his throne. in my opinion, he became like a mosquito. Note: the first "remembered", the second "I felt", the prestige is gone, when I got something bigger, the prestige is gone. then comes that man, Ibn Abi Dhu'ib al-Muhaddith. he was sitting in the Umayyad Mosque. then the prince entered with his soldiers. so the people all got up out of fear of his chains, or out of a desire for his money. they rose, whatever the intentions were, except that the great muhaddith,

the great sheikh, did not rise. he was distinguished among the people, clear and distinguished. so he came to him and said to him: get up and stand up. he said, "why did you not rise as the people did?" he looked at him and said: I wanted to rise as people did, but I remembered what God said: {the Day the people will rise to the Lord of the worlds} [Al-Mutaffifin: 6] so I left this doing, for that doing. he said: sit down. By God, there was not a hair left of my body that did not stand.

if you feel the greatness of God Almighty, and God will not concern you, and do not hope for anyone, and do not fear anyone, and when I finished this talk, one said to me: please, professor, may God give you wellness. this is beautiful and full of faith. but in fact, my boss does not agree with me, he said: I will harm my family. I told him, fear God. was what I was saying about the greatness of God not true? isn't that a reality? but it is the reality that is absent from the minds of those

who think that humans benefit and harm. when faith is absent, you fear people. So the Prophet (pbuh) says: “the one who commits an illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer at the time of committing illegal sexual intercourse.” he is fornicating because faith at that moment was lost. likewise the person who fears people, he does not fear them while he is a believer. when he senses that everything is in the hands of God, the Mighty and Sublime, and He is the beneficial and the harmful. here, God is not afraid of anyone, God willing, and only one

is afraid. escalation of the self, my dear, or the escalation of affirmation, we said whoever said yes a lot, lost himself. consider the budget, whoever says no too much, loses others. and who said maybe, he loses both, you know why? because the words "may" and "could" they burden you, when do you feel comfortable? If you talk to them frankly, if you send them a message saying to them: I can't, you feel relaxed. well, if you weren't maximizing your life, you will often say: “maybe,” “God willing,” and “I will look into the matter.” these words make

you tired, people tire of you, you tire others, imagine your wife of this type, or your husband of this type, so whoever said "maybe" too much, lost both. so how do I escalate the self, or how do I escalate the assertion? in the following way: one: first by showing resentment. meaning, if someone crosses his bounds with you, or makes fun of you, or insults you, first show displeasure. showing resentment is sometimes physical, and sometimes with a look, sometimes not with a smile, sometimes not with defiance, Some people tell you: you look fat! if you justify

them, then you come and say to me: I want to assert myself, it won't work, as long as you allow others to cross their boundaries with you, don't be a short wall. two: hint him, give him a cue, tell him: okay, okay. the allusion is called an escalation of the assertion. ok if he doesn't respond?? I will give you an example: you are working and focused on work, and two of your friends at work, talking and laughing, and talking and laughing. well what are you doing? what is the weak doing? grinds in his soul, calls

upon them, or he takes his things and goes to work in another place, also weak, So what is supposed? do I quarrel with them? this is also the behavior of a weak person. you better escalate the assertion, first you show resentment, then you hint, you guys say, I want to focus a bit, sometimes you tell him in secret, sometimes someone insults you or makes fun of you in a session, if neither resentment nor insinuation helped him, you should warn him in secret after the session. or send him a message, I don't like this what you

have done. I am offended by what I did, please don't do such a thing again. alert in secret, ok if he did not respond? warn him in public, so-and-so: more than once you practiced this behavior, warn him in public, you must stop him, or speak to him in public, ok if he doesn't respond? Well done, repay the offense to him, as he spoke, respond to him, if he says to you: you do not understand, tell him: you are the one who does not understand. Al-Shafi’i says: “whoever the people tell him to get angry, and he

does not get angry, then he is a donkey.” you say to me: the Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “do not be angry.” I tell you: yes, but anger is an attribute of perfection. the evidence for its existence is that it is one of the attributes of God, the Mighty and Sublime. its existence is one of the attributes of the Prophet (peace be upon him), and it is an attribute of perfection. but how do you get angry? and who are you angry with? and with whom do you get angry? here is perfection, and why get

angry? here is perfection, so I respond to it with abuse. can we get to this stage? mostly if you are gradual, you will rarely reach this stage, Ok if he doesn't respond? now there is a need for deterrence. you can stand up, talk to him, ask someone to intervene, I don't sit and you're there, I can't..., don't pass it, but I promise you, God willing, that you are in the process of escalation, that you will not reach this stage. and if you reach this stage, as the poet said: if there is no boat but spears

the compelled must ride it you have to now, go ahead. Participant:..... the Doctor: presumably, if this man is not known for repeated abuse, I mean, it is not necessary in one session for this to happen, it is possible before a session to do something and now he did, and two days ago he did it. these are cumulative abuses. Two: the quality of abuse. sometimes the offense is what you should be angry about. that is why al-Shafi’i, when he said: He who was told something in order to get angry, but did not get angry, is a

donkey. and he said: he who is satisfied and is not satisfied is a devil. what did he mean? he meant that there are sensitive files, entering them causes anger, including talking about symptoms, trespassing on money, talking about intentions, when he accuses you of your intention, in these matters you must show anger. participant: is grading necessary here? the Doctor: no, it is not necessary to graduate now. sometimes you show anger and stop it. In public directly, warn him in public, and as Ibn al-Qayyim said, any person who lacks the attribute of anger, lacks the attribute of

courage, for it is inherent in it, and the characteristic of chivalry is absent from him, and the attribute of fervor is absent from him, and the attribute of jealousy is absent from him. so anger behavior is not bad, but how is it used? and where is it used? and why is it used? and when is it used? Ladies and gentlemen, take note of the two pictures now. this is a long, deep carrot, and its tree is small, and this is a small carrot and a big tree, both of them are in the wrong self-assertion, why?

sometimes you have something big in your mind, and you express it simple, it is not self-assertion, simple insinuations, Self-assertion is one of his most important perseverance skills. what does perseverance mean? continuing, once, twice, and three times, I mean, don't say: I told him, and I did what I had to do, and there is something left in your mind. so, one: the allusions are not from self-assertion. two: not from self-assertion, overreacting to simple things, self-affirmation, that our reactions are in line with our feelings, and the depth of sorrow we feel, this is part of a strong

character, we said: self-affirmation. self acceptance. self-esteem. self confidence. accept the self, to accept this self in its entirety, with its flaws, and the good things in it, to accept yourself, note this, as if it is only cosmetic that makes people confident, This is a photo published in a magazine in Dubai. this is the airbag, which is the bag that comes out with the accident, it was a woman driving the car. and this make-up, this is her entire face, the make-up exaggeration. do you know folks in a study published by the Middle East, and it was

established by Univer, that 9 out of 10 Saudi women want to change their looks, dissatisfied with their appearance, and that the level of self-acceptance is low, and that Saudi Arabia is the first in the world in low self-acceptance, next is Turkey, then Italy. we became obsessed with our forms. you find a woman or a girl, or even a young man, the young man could spend at the barber an hour, an hour and a quarter, it is possible for one of them to move from the far north of Riyadh to the far south of Riyadh. to

go to a skilled barber, master the goatee, so that he looks acceptable, Women, too, are getting thinner. she became thinning herself, sculpting, bloating, dyeing, and these are colours, and these are eyes, and this is hair, and this is smoothing, and this is drying, and this is a change. and she hasn't changed on the inside. she begins to change in her face, then says "Taraa!" she does not feel anything from her husband or others towards her. so go say aha! I know, then she goes to change her nose, and says: see! you will not find anyone

who loves her more, she is the same, so she went and changed her curly hair and made it straight, then she came and said: see! she also did not change, but her hair changed, while her feelings did not. so she goes, she changes her shape, and she changes her shape, in the hope that people will accept her. dear sister, people want the beauty of your morals, not the beauty of your appearance. Maxwell Maltz, the famous American psychologist, This great scientist after whom science was distorted, he had developed many things in psychology, originally, he is a

cosmetologist, has nothing to do with psychology, he says: but I found out that I treat people's noses, lips, and eyes, and then they come back. he says: so I learned that the problem lies in the beauty of the soul, not in the beauty of the face. he turned from a plastic surgeon to a psychologist. and instead of treating the body, he treats the soul, why? because the biggest reason for a person not accepting his form is weakness in himself. By God, I remember one named Khaled. Khaled has been absent from school for three days. the

counselor spoke to me. he said: his father does not know why. and I (the educational counselor) also sat with him, and by God, we do not know why? Did not give us an answer, can you come and see what he's doing? so I came and sat with him, sat down, sat down, sat down. he told me the reason do you know why he missed three days? he was absent for three days because he had a pimple that came out here in his nose. He rubbed it and it grew. he waited for days, wanting her to

get smaller, so that the students would come and accept him. originally, by God, they did not care about him. I remember one of my friends was angry with me, he told me: did you not notice anything? I told him: no, by God, I did not notice anything. he said: I have been on TV for a long time. I said: I did not notice that, because I am not interested in television, he said: well, did you not notice anything? I said: By God, I did not notice anything. he said: the pimple here. I said: I swear

to God, I did not notice it. do you have a pimple? he said: yes, for a long time. I said: By God, I did not notice it. he said: I had an operation, and I stayed for two weeks and did not go out of the house. now it feels like wow! it's good; because it was associated with him that his feeling of appreciation because of his form, By God, there are people who, if they wear well, change their minds. I remember when we were young, if we ironed the shemagh, and arranged our clothes, we go

to school excited, we want school to come, Lord, when does the school queue come? sometimes it reaches the stage of linking the figure to the inside. By God, if he wears new underwear, he will feel that he is walking with more confidence. but no one knows that the pants are new, but he feels that, why? because appearances are related to the interior, One of the young people says: when I rented a B.M, I felt respected, he says: I put my seat belt on. he says: I used to throw trash from the window, but now I

put them in a bag. why does he feel that way? he has no value except through something, back to Khaled's story, Khaled was absent for three days because of this pimple. and God Almighty wants to teach Khalid a lesson. on the same day, one named Abdullah, true story, this Abdullah had a quarrel yesterday with his brother at home. while they are chasing each other. his brother is quick, so he beats him and shuts the door. so Abdullah ran after his brother, so he closed the door and hit him in the face. his lip became swollen,

so they went and put antiseptic on it, meaning it became blue and swollen. This situation happened at night. Khaled was absent because of a pimple, and Abdullah came to school, I was their teacher, when Abdullah entered, saliva was coming down from his mouth, and his shape was terrifying, and the color of his lip was blue, the first time he entered he said: no one laughs, God will punish him. then the students ha ha ha ha, it's all over, what happened to you? he said: By God, something simple and finished. By God, they no longer think

of him. then the students joined the lesson with the teacher, it was an event and it was over. then I called Abdullah, and said: Abdullah, come, what is your news? and Khaled was by my side, Abdullah told me his story. I told him: your safety, Abdullah, why did you come to school? By God, he said a strange word. he said: why am I absent? I said: indeed, it is normal. he said: yes, By God! I told him: is there pain? he said no, I said: aren't you afraid that your colleagues will make fun of you?

he said: let them laugh. By God, I was disciplined. By God, I learned serenity from this Abdullah. I told him: go. I said to Khaled: what do you think? problem guys, problem, knowing that Khaled was superior, but Abdullah was not superior. I want to connect Khaled to something else. in America in 1940 in California, they did a study on an entire school, they took very special people like Khaled, and rated them, giving them the symbol A, and the people whose level was very good, excellent or good, gave them the B code, and the indifferent bad

people, often absent, gave them the symbol C. A, B, C, 40 years later they came to look at their lives, they find that A works for a company that is managed by B, and owned by C, why? because A used to be a friend of cards, and he must be the first and the best, He could not live as a human being, but lived as a disciple. he is a special student, even if he is an undistinguished human being. the C focused on what? focus on life, on social relationships, although he is not good at

dealing with papers, equations and numbers, in the end, life is a mixture of people, not equations and numbers. so the first falls and the second succeeds. I'm not calling that we're C, no, but I'm fighting the idea of ​​pushing our kids to be an A, why aren't they A-C conditioner, what is the problem with being A-C? he is good at dealing with people, and also good with grades. thus, he has a fully matured personality, God willing.