you want us to do what now captain zix nager of the galactic Confederation 17th Conquest Fleet spluttered his tentacles writhing in a mixture of disbelief and barely contained laughter Admiral Kos leader of the confederation's military forces fixed the captain with all four of his eyes his scaly brow furrowing in annoyance I said captain that we are to launch an invasion of the planet known as Earth in the soul system our intelligence suggests they are a pre-ftl civilization with minimal defensive capability it should be an easy Conquest Zack nagger couldn't help it he burst into laughter
a series of high-pitched Clicks in whistles that echoed around the bridge of his Flagship the Unstoppable Doom the rest of the bridge crew a mly assortment of various alien species looked at their Captain with a mixture of confusion and concern I'm sorry Admiral zix nagger managed between fits of laughter but have you been drinking zorg and fire whiskey again because that's the only explanation I can think of for this absolute lunacy Admiral kados scales flushed a deep purple a sign of his Rising anger this is no laughing matter Captain the High Council has decreed that
Earth must be brought into the Confederation by force if necessary are you refusing a direct order zix nagger laughter subsided replaced by a sardonic grin that showed off his rows of needle likee teeth oh I'm not refusing Admiral I'm just trying to save your scaly hide from the biggest embarrassment since the blargan attempted to invade a black hole because they thought it was a really dark planet the Admiral's eyes narrowed explain yourself captain now zix sagger side his tentacles drooping in exasperation all right gather round children it's time for a little history lesson he pressed
a button on his command chair and a holographic image of Earth appeared in the center of the bridge this my dear Admiral is Earth lovely little mud ball isn't it now you'd think it would be easy pickings prft limited space presence no energy Shields no faster than light weapons it should be a cakewalk right Admiral Kos nodded impatiently exactly which is why I don't understand your reluctance Captain zix nagger grin widened oh sweet naive Admiral let me tell you a little story about 0200 standard galactic years ago the Drear Empire decided to do exactly what
you're proposing they were riding high on their recent conquests thought they were invincible so they sent a fleet to Earth figuring they'd have the planet under their control within a solar rotation the captain paused for dramatic effect his tentacles waving in an approximation of a human's finger wagging do you know what happened to that Fleet Admiral Cay those frowned I I'm not familiar with this incident of course you're not zix nagger exclaimed his voice dripping with sarcasm because there's not a single Dre car left in the galaxy to tell the tale their entire species wiped
out poof gone and do you know why the Admiral scales had ped to a sickly green why he asked his voice barely above a whisper zix nagger leaned in close his voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone because my dear Admiral the humans ate them a collective gasp went up from the bridge crew Admiral C stumbled back his lower pair of arms grasping for support on a nearby console that that's impossible surely you're joking Captain the captain's laughter returned a harsh barking sound oh I wish I was joking Admiral but it's the honest to Zorb truth
the humans those defenseless little Apes not only repelled the Drear Invasion but then proceeded to hunt down every last one of them across the Galaxy and when I say hunt I mean it in the most literal sense Jack sagger turned to his Communications officer a rolic with the elongated fingers perfect for operating the complex array of buttons and switches Lieutenant pull up the classified file on the earth Dreer War authorization code Zulu Teno foxr 42069 the Bridge's main view screen flickered to life displaying a series of gruesome images that made even the most hardened of
the alien Warriors Flinch scenes of Drear ships being torn apart by crude but effective human Weaponry of human soldiers and powered armor ripping through Drear defenses like tissue paper and most disturbingly of humans eating their defeated foes but but how Admiral C stammered his eyes wide with horror the Drear were one of the most advanced civilizations in the Galaxy Zack sagger expression turned Grim that's the thing about humans Admiral they're Innovative so when the Dre car showed up with their fancy energy weapons and force fields the humans didn't just roll over and die oh no
they got creative the captain manipulated the holographic display zooming in on various human weapons and vehicles see this they call it an electromagnetic pulse turns out it's really good at frying advanced electronics and this beauty a kinetic energy weapon basically they just throw really big rocks really fast no fancy energy Fields can stop good oldfashioned momentum Admiral kados had regained some of his composure but his voice still quavered as he spoke but eating them surely that's an exaggeration zix neger laughter had a bitter Edge to it now oh I wish it was Admiral but the
humans have the saying waste not what not when they realized that Drear flesh was not only edible but apparently quite delicious by their standards well let's just say they found a way to solve two problems at once disposal of enemy corpses and feeding their troops the Admiral looked like he was about to be sick that's that's barbaric barbaric zix neeger repeated his voice Rising Oh My Sweet Summer child you haven't seen barbaric yet let me tell you about something the humans call psychological warfare the captain pulled up another set of images these showing human soldiers
wearing armor decorated with Dre Carbones and teeth they didn't just eat the drek car Admiral they wore their bones as trophies they broadcast images of their feast across every frequency the Dre car used they turned the Dre car's own fear against them Admiral crra those collapsed into a nearby chair his scales now a pale sickly white but but our intelligence reports zegger cut him off with a wave of a tentacle are outdated incomplete or deliberate misinformation spread by the humans themselves they want us to think they're defenseless they're practically salivating at the thought of some
poor unsuspecting alien race trying to invade the captain's voice took on a mocking tone as he continued oh and let's not forget their entertainment have you seen what passes for fiction on that planet they have entire genres dedicated to the gruesome deaths of invading aliens they call it science fiction but I called it a war crime waiting to happen he pulled up yet another set of images this time showing scenes from various human movies and video games aliens being blown apart melted by acid thrown into space and subjected to all manner of creative and horrifying
deaths this Admiral is what humans do for fun they spend their free time imagining new and exciting ways to kill aliens and let me tell you they are disturbingly good at it Admiral kados had gone from sickly white to a green that suggested he might lose his lunch at any moment but but surely not all humans are like this there must be some who would welcome us who would see the benefits of joining the Confederation zix nagger laughter took on a hysterical Edge oh that's rich you think we'd be the first to try that approach
let me tell you about the Zar shushu Collective lovely folks big on peace and Harmony they tried to make friendly contact with Earth about 50 years ago wanted to invite them into their little Galactic Utopia the captain's voice dropped to a whisper as if he was telling a ghost story you know what happened to them the humans smiled and said they'd be delighted to join then they proceeded to systematically take over the entire Collective from the inside out within a decade the zaru were reduced to a client race on their own home world with humans
running everything he leaned in close to the Admiral his voice deadly serious and do you know what the worst part was the zaru thanked them for it said the humans had improved efficiency an optimized resource allocation it was like watching the VBS thank the Gorgon that's eating it for improving its body composition Admiral Kos looked like he was about to faint but but how how can one species be so so terrifying zix nagger supplied helpfully ruthless adaptable take your pick Admiral the humans are all of that and more there are species that evolved on a
death world where everything even the plants tried to kill them they didn't just survive they thrived they turned their planet's most deadly predators into pets they eat food that would kill most species for fun they voluntarily jump out of perfectly good aircraft for entertainment the captain's voice took on a tone of grudging admiration and the worst part the absolute worst part they're nice about it they'll smile and shake your hand while they're figuring out 17 different ways to use your own biology against you they'll welcome you into their homes feed you their food introduce you
to their families and then use everything they've learned to dismantle your entire civilization if you so much as look at them funny Admiral kados had gone from green to a pale blue a sign of deep distress in his species but but what can we do the High Council has ordered the invasion we can't just ignore a direct order borne zix Sager's grin returned this time with a conspiratorial edge oh we're not going to ignore the order my dear Admiral we're going to follow it to the letter we're going to take this Fleet to the soul
system make a big show of our Invasion force and then we're going to do something no other species has had the brains to do when confronted with Humanity the Admiral leaned forward his curiosity overcoming his fear and what's that Captain Zack sagger grin widened to truly alarming proportions we're going to surrender there was a moment of stunned silence on the bridge broken only by the soft beeping of various consoles then as one the entire crew burst into laughter Admiral kados however didn't seem to find it amusing Captain have you lost your mind surrender to a
prft l civilization the High Council would have our heads zes nagger waved aiive tentacle oh please the High Council will be too busy trying to figure out how to keep their exalted positions once the humans are done with them trust me Admiral surrender is our best option in fact it's our only option if we want to survive this with our tentacle scales and various other appendages intact the captain turned to address the entire Bridge crew think about it folks we show up in the soul system make a big show of our Invasion Fleet and then
immediately open Communications to offer our surrender we tell the humans that we've heard of their great and terrible Deeds that were in awe of their martial prowess and that we humbly offer ourselves as their servants in exchange for their merciful protection he paused letting his words sink in the humans being the megalomaniacs they are will eat it up they'll be so flattered by our recognition of their superiority that they'll welcome us with open arms and then my friends will be in the perfect position to observe them up close learn their weaknesses if they have any
and report back to the Confederation Admiral Kos stroked his chin thoughtfully with one of his lower arms that's actually not a terrible plan Captain but what if they see through our ruse zix nagger laughter returned but this time it had a nervous Edge to it oh they'll see through it Admiral count on it the humans aren't just brutal they're smart they'll know exactly what we're up to but here's the beautiful part they'll play along anyway the captain's voice took on a lecturing tone you see humans have this concept called PL aible deniability they'll pretend to
believe our surrender is genuine even though they know it's not because it gives them an excuse to let us stick around and why would they want that you ask because we'll be bringing them something they prize above all else new technology he gestured to the various Advanced systems on the bridge are faster than light drives are energy weapons our replicators the humans will be salivating at the chance to get their hands on this Tech they'll treat us like honored guests all while they're taking apart our ships with their eyes and fig figuring out how to
improve every single system Admiral cray those nodded slowly beginning to see the logic in the captain's plan and by the time they've learned everything they can from us exactly zix nagger exclaimed by the time they've noted us for every scrap of knowledge it'll be too late for the Confederation to do anything about it the humans will have leapfrogged centuries of technological development and will be the ones who handed it to them on a silver platter the Admiral's expression turned thoughtful but won't that just make them even more dangerous Zack Sager's laughter had a fatalistic Edge
to it now oh Admiral they're going to become a galactic superpower whether we like it or not the question is do we want to be on their good side when it happens or do we want to end up as the main course at their Victory Feast he turned back to the main view screen which now showed an image of Earth that deceptively peaceful looking Blue Marble make no mistake my friends humanity is coming to the galactic stage and they're not going to knock politely and ask to be let in they're going to kick down the
door walking like they own the place and somehow convince everyone that we invited them the captain's voice took on a tone of grudging respect and the real kicker by the time they're done we'll probably be thanking them for it because if there's one thing humans are better at than Warfare it's making you believe that everything they do is for your own good Admiral crao stood up his posture straightening as he came to a decision very well Captain we'll proceed with your unconvention plan but I might want it on record that I think this is absolutely
insane Zees nagger grin returned full force noted Admiral but trust me when it comes to dealing with humans insanity is the only sayane response he turned to his navigation officer set a course for the soul system maximum speed it's time to go make some new friends Dot and pray they don't decide we look delicious as the Unstoppable Doom in its Fleet set course for Earth Captain zix nagger couldn't help but feel a mixture of excitement and Dread he'd spent his entire career avoiding the soul system like it was infected with the Andromeda Strain and now
he was willingly flying straight into the proverbial Lion's Den you know he mused aloud his tentacles twirling thoughtfully I once met a rilan Trader who'd actually been to Earth poor bastard was never the same after that Admiral Kos who had been staring morosely at the swirling colors of hyperspace perked up at this oh what happened to him zener's expression turned Grim well apparently he'd gone there to try and sell some trinkets you know how the rillions are always looking for a quick profit anyway he lands his ship in some place called New York City thinking
he's being all sneaky the captain paused for dramatic effect his eyes twinkling with Mischief next thing he knows he's surrounded by humans but here's the kicker they weren't scared they weren't even surprised you know what they did the Admiral leaned in despite himself what they tried to sell him stuff zix nagger burst out laughing a sound somewhere between a dolphin's click and a hyena's cackle picture it this poor rilan standing there with his tentacles full of cheap plastic D balls and the humans are shoving hot dogs in his face trying to get into buy knockoff
handbags and tickets to something called Hamilton the bridge crew who had been listening intently couldn't help but join in the laughter even Admiral Kos cracked a smile his scales shifting to a more relaxed shade of blue but surely the Admiral said once the laughter had died down that's just one city the rest of the planet can't be like that zix nagger laughter cut off AB ly replaced by a look of mock Horror oh My Sweet Summer child that was one of their Tamer cities let me tell you about a place they call Florida before the
captain could launch into what was sure to be another terrifying Tale the navigation officer interrupted Captain we approaching the soul system will be dropping out of hyperspace in 5 minutes the mood on the bridge instantly shifted from joov to tense zix's nagger straightened up his tentacles coiling tightly around his command chair right then folks this is it the moment of truth remember no matter what happens no matter what we see we stick to the plan we're here to surrender not to fight even if they start shooting even if they send out ships that look like
they were cobbled together from scrap metal and bad attitude we do not engage is that clear A Chorus of affirmatives rang out across the bridge Admiral kravos looking somewhat green again nodded his agreement goodix sagger said his voice taking on a tone of grim determination because let me tell you something about humans in first Contact situations they had this thing called science fiction and they've been imagining meeting aliens for centuries they've thought of every possible scenario from peaceful exchanges of knowledge to allout war and in every single one of those scenarios no matter how outgunned
or outmatched they might be the humans always always come out on top he looked around the bridge meeting the eyes or equivalent sensory organs of each crew member so whatever you do don't try to outsmart them don't try to outfight them and For the Love of All That's holy don't try to out crazy them because trust me when it comes to Crazy humans are The Undefeated Galactic Champions as if to punctuate his words the swirling colors of hyperspace suddenly gave way to the star studded Blackness of normal space and there hanging in the void like
a beautiful terrifying Jewel was Earth for a moment there was silence on the bridge then softly at first but quickly growing in volume came a sound that no one expected laughter it was the communications officer a normally stoic Realo who had dissolved into fits of giggling when everyone turned to look at her she managed to gasp out between laughs I'm sorry Captain but but broadcasting Zack sagger felt a sense of dread settling in his primary stomach broadcasting what exactly the rlock pressed a button and suddenly the bridge was filled with a cacophony of sounds and
images hundreds no thousands of different Transmissions all overlapping and competing for attention there were news broadcasts showing everything from political debates to cat videos there were movies and TV shows depicting alien in invasions in every conceivable manner from the terrifying to the Absurd there was music an overwhelming variety of it from classical Symphonies to something that sounded like industrial Machinery having a seizure and through it all one message kept repeating broadcast in every major language of Earth and surprisingly imperfect Galactic standard attention alien visitors Welcome To Earth we've been expecting you please proceed to the
designated Landing zones and for the love of God don't eat anything a Floridian offers you Captain zix nagger stared at the view screen his tentacles drooping in disbelief then slowly he began to laugh it started as a low chuckle but quickly grew into a full-bellied roar that shook his entire gelatinous form Admiral Kos looked at him in alarm Captain are you all right what's so funny zix sagger wiped a tear from one of his eye stalks still chuckling oh Admiral don't you see we came here thinking we were so clever planning to surrender as a
ruse but the humans the humans have outplayed us before we arrived he gestured to the riot of information still pouring from The View screen look at this they're not afraid they're not surprised they're welcoming us and that bit about Florida they know Admiral they know everything probably been listening to our transmissions for Years Learning our languages studying our weaknesses the captain's laughter had taken on a slightly hysterical Edge we thought we were surrendering to them but the truth is the moment we entered this system we lost it's not a surrender anymore Admiral it's an application
Admiral Kos blinked all four of his eyes in confusion an application for what zener's grin was equal parts admiration and Terror for junior membership in whatever insane Galactic Society they're planning to build face it Admiral we're not conquerors were not even clever spies we the first wave of immigrants to the new human Empire he turned to the communications officer his voice filled with a strange mix of resignation and excitement well don't just sit there gawking answer them tell them tell them the galactic Confederation graciously accepts Earth's offer of hospitality and looks forward to Peaceful cultural
exchange as the message was sent zix nagger settled back into his command chair watching the blue green orb of earth grow larger on The View screen you know he mused almost to himself I've always wondered what a hot dog tastes like Admiral kravos who had sunk into a nearby chair in a days managed to croak out Captain are you sure about this we're really just going to land zix nagger laugh had soften to a chuckle oh my dear Admiral at this point I'm not sure of anything except this the humans are calling the shots now
and our best bet is to smile nod and hope they decide we're more useful as friends than his dinner he leaned forward his eyes gleaming with a mixture of fear and anticipation besides think of the stories we'll have to tell the day we surrendered to Earth and they threw us a welcome party it'll be a hit at the next Galactic Confederation mixer as the fleet began its descent towards the designated Landing Zone the bridge of the Unstoppable Doom was filled with a nervous energy some crew members were excitedly discussing which Earth cultures they wanted to
experience first While others were quietly making peace with whatever deities they believed in Captain zix nagger for his part was already planning how to phrase his report to the High Council successful first Contact established with Earth he muttered to himself minor complications including total surrender of Confederation Authority and possible involuntary enlistment in human galactic expansion efforts but on the bright side their music is catchy and their food well we'll find out soon enough if it's to die for as the ships entered Earth's atmosphere a new transmission came through a human face appeared on the screen
smiling in a way that managed to be both welcoming and slightly terrifying greetings friends from the stars on behalf of the people of Earth I bid you welcome we've prepared a small reception for you nothing fancy just a few billion of us Gathering to say hi Oh and don't worry about the folks in tinfoil hats they're mostly harmless the human smile widened showing far too many teeth for Comfort we're so looking forward to learning all about you and your civilization we have so many questions like how fast can your ships go what's the loadbearing capacity
of your whole materials oh and do you happen to know anything about the Strategic weaknesses of any other alien races you know just for conversation sake Captain zix neger turned to Admiral Kos his expression a mixture of resignation and amusement well Admiral I hope you brushed up on your diplomatic skills something tells me we're in for one hell of a cultural exchange as the Unstoppable doomed touchdown on Earth amidst cheering crowds and flashing cameras Captain zix nagor had one last thought before the doors opened to their new reality maybe we should have just sent a
fruit basket instead and with that the galactic Confederation 17th Conquest Fleet became the first official alien delegation to Earth ushering in a new era of interstellar relations and era that would be marked by human Ingenuity alien befuddlement and the lingering question of whether surrender had been the best or worst decision in Galactic history but one thing was certain the universe would never be the same again and somewhere in the vast reaches of space other alien civilizations felt a sudden inexplicable urge to update their defense systems and maybe just maybe send a polite please don't notice
us note to that little blue planet in the unfashionable western spiral arm of the Galaxy after all it's better to be a friend of Humanity then well whatever the alternative might be just ask the Dre car oh wait you can't they're all gone Bon apped Earth as the doors of the Unstoppable Doom hissed open Captain zix nagger and Admiral CRA those found themselves face to face with the Sea of humans the cacophony of Cheers camera clicks and what seemed to be impromptu alien themed rock concerts was overwhelming well zix nagger muttered to the Admiral at
least they're not shooting at us yet a group of humans in suits approached led by a woman with a smile that could either mean welcome friends or I can't wait to dissect you she extended her hand and zix nagger stared at it in confusion you're supposed to shake it Admiral cros whispered helpfully having apparently become an expert on human customs in the last 5 minutes zix nagger cautiously wrapped a tentacle around the woman's hand giving it a gentle squeeze to his surprise she didn't recoil in disgust or try to eat his appendage progress he thought
Welcome To Earth the woman said her voice carrying across the landing area thanks to some impressively discreet audio technology I'm Dr Elena Rodriguez Earth's extraterrestrial relations coordinator we're so glad you could make it zix nagger blinked all seven of his eyes you you were expecting us Dr Rodriguez smile widened oh of course we've been monitoring your transmissions for years we particularly enjoyed your Captain's logs the one about the space pirate and the mistaken identity with the tentacle monster hilarious um the captain felt his chromat Force shifting to a deep purple of embarrassment you you heard
that we heard everything Dr Rodrigo said cheerfully in fact we've prepared a little welcome package based on what we've learned about your species we have accommodations with the perfect balance of methane and oxygen a variety of foods that should be compatible with your digestive systems and even some entertainment options I believe you're particularly fond of something called zero gravity juggling Admiral crra those leaned in close to zix nagger Captain I'm beginning to think we may be slightly out of our depth here oh Admiral zix nger chuckled we're not just out of our depth we're bottom
dwelling cavefish who've suddenly found ourselves in the Mariana Trench Dr Rodriguez clapped her hands together now I'm sure you have lots of questions rest assured we'll get to all of them but first how about a tour we've prepared a little Showcase of human culture and Technology nothing too fancy just a few of our latest advancements in Quantum Computing nano technology and Zero Point Energy extraction oh and we thought you might be interested in our little experiments with pocket mentions just some light afternoon entertainment as they were ushered towards a series of sleek impossibly Advanced looking
buildings zix nagger couldn't help but noticed something odd scattered among the cheering crowds were humans wearing t-shirts with slogans like I for one welcome our new alien overlords and Earth closed for renovations opening soon as Galactic Hub 42 Dr Rodriguez the captain said slowly I can't help but feel like you've been preparing for this moment for a long time the doctor's laugh was like tinkling Bells if those bells could somehow convey both warmth and a vague sense of Menace Oh Captain zix nagger you have no idea let's just say that Humanity has always had a
special interest in the stars and now that you're here well the sky is no longer the limit is it as they entered the first building zix nagger and his crew found themselves surrounded by technology that made their most advanced systems look like children's toys holographic displays showed Earth's rapid advancement over the past Century from the first first radio Transmissions to their current mindboggling level of development but but how Admiral CAD sputtered his scales shifting through a rainbow of confused colors our intelligence said you were pre-ftl how did you advance so quickly Dr Rodriguez's smile took
on a hint of Mischief oh that we may have fudged some of our public Transmissions you'd be amazed what you can hide with enough cat videos and reality TV shows she leaned in conspiratorially between you and me we cracked F about 50 years ago we just decided to keep it quiet after all it's so much more fun to surprise visitors don't you think Zex nagger felt a hysterical laugh bubbling up inside him so let me get this straight we came here thinking we were going to magnanimously offer our surrender to A Primitive species only to
find out that you're actually centuries ahead of us technologically and have probably been pulling the strings of Galactic Civilization for decades Dr Rodriguez patted him on what she probably thought was his should ER oh don't be so hard on yourself Captain you're here aren't you that's the first step and trust me we have big plans for the galactic Confederation how do you feel about a little reorganization nothing major just a complete restructuring of Galactic Society with Earth at the center we thinking of calling it space United Nations or sun for short catchy right as they
move through the exhibition each display more awe inspiring than the last zix nagger found himself oscillating between Terror and exhilaration the humans had somehow managed to combine Technologies in ways that should have been impossible creating synergies that boggled the mind and this Dr Rodriguez said gesturing to a small unassuming cube is our latest breakthrough that we call it the plot divis it can basically do anything the story requires faster than light communication check Universal translation check rewriting the laws of physics on a whim double check Admiral Kos who had been uncharacteristically quiet finally spoke up
but why why go to all this trouble why not just conquer the Galaxy if you're so Advanced Dr Rodriguez's laugh this time was full and Hearty conquer oh my dear Admiral that's so unimaginative why conquer when you can integrate we don't want to rule the galaxy we want to party with it she spread her arms wide encompassing the entire exhibition this is just a welcome banquet suity is ready to join the galactic Community but we're doing it our way we're throwing the biggest craziest most mindbending welcome party the universe has ever seen and you my
friends are our guest of Honor zes nagger felt a tentacle being pressed into his grasp he looked down to find himself holding a glass of something fluorescent and bubbling what's this he asked IR the drink suspiciously oh just a little human concoction Dr Rodriguez said with a wink we call it a Pang Galactic Gargle Blaster don't worry we've adjusted the formula for your physiology it should only be mildly hallucinogenic as zix nagger cautiously sipped the drink feeling it Fizz and pop all the way down to his tertiary stomach he had a sudden Crystal Clear real
ization the galactic Confederation hadn't just surrendered to Earth they had unknowingly volunteered to be the opening act in Humanity's debut on the galactic stage and what a debut was going to be months later as the newly christened United Galactic Federation the humans had decided son was a bit on the nose held its first Interstellar conference Captain zix nagger found himself standing on a stage addressing representatives from a thousand worlds my fellow sentent he began still not quite believing the words out of his speech orifice I stand before you today not as a conqueror not as
the conquered but as a friend a friend to humanity and a friend to all species who are ready to embark on The Greatest Adventure the galaxy has ever known he paused looking out over the sea of aliens all wearing Expressions ranging from excitement to utter confusion in the front row Dr Rodriguez gave him a thumbs up and an encouraging nod when we came to Earth we thought we knew what to expect we were wrong Humanity has shown us that the universe versus stranger more wonderful and far more fun than we ever imagined they've taught us
that the best way to face the unknown isn't with fear or aggression but with curiosity adaptability and a really good sense of humor zix nagger raised his glass filled with another concoction the humans had introduced to Galactic Civilization something called a cosmic colada so here's to humanity our new friends and partners in this Grand Cosmic dance made their craziness Inspire us their creativity challenge us and their their friendship guide us as we step together into a future that's bound to be one hell of a ride as the assembled aliens cheered and toasted zix nagger couldn't
help but chuckle to himself somewhere out there in the vast expanse of space he knew other alien civilizations were picking up Transmissions from Earth scratching their heads or equivalent appendages in Confusion And as those civilizations grappled with the sudden realization that the Galaxy had changed forever zix sagger had one piece of advice for them welcome to the party folks and whatever you do don't eat anything a Floridian offers you trust me on this one with that the greatest era of Galactic history began not with a bang not with a whimper but with a toast a
laugh and the faint strains of what humans called disco echoing across the cosmos the universe would never be the same again and honestly that was probably for the best after all who wanted a boring Universe anyway certainly not humanity and definitely not their new alien friends who were quickly learning that in the grand scheme of things it was far better to laugh with the humans than to be laughed at by them and so as the party raged on and the Stars themselves seemed to dance to the beat of Human music One Thing became abundantly clear
the Galaxy may not have been ready for Humanity but Humanity was more than ready for the Galaxy let the good times roll across light years and dimensions through nebuli and black holes the message was clear Earth was open for business the drinks were on the house and the party was just getting started
