Check it, sis. A sea poodle. [laughing, screaming] [grunting, sighing] Ooh.
[crying] Huh! I'll make us a family sized vacation feast. [laughing] And then he ate it, there he is.
Excuse me, sir, you can't come in here ruining customer's ice cream cones. That's our policy. Huh?
What? ! Take a picture of me with the Gas Land mascot.
All right, Stars, photo opp! Say "cheese poofs. " Cheese poofs!
Time for water rides! [laughing] Good riddance. That's our policy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. <i>♪ Who's the peanut</i> <i>With the man inside ♪</i> <i>♪ That sings</i> <i>Your favorite song? ♪</i> <i>♪ Who's got sweets</i> <i>And frozen treats ♪</i> <i>♪ That you can spend</i> <i>Your money on?
♪</i> <i>♪ Who's your favorite</i> <i>Ice cream man ♪</i> <i>♪ from now until you're gone? ♪</i> The Goober truck guy! <i>♪ Who shows you how to- ♪</i> Ah, it's him!
Sweet Neptune! I'll take a Sweet Neptune. [groaning] Wah.
Ah! The horror. The horror!
[screaming] Ice cream. The horror! Let's see what's percolatin' on <i>The Patrick Show</i>!
<i>The sea bunny runs</i> <i>around the coral. . .
</i> Oh, yay. Whoo. <i>Away from the barracuda</i> <i>and hops back into his hole.
</i> <i>On today's show,</i> <i>we're getting jobs. </i> <i>And to get a job,</i> <i>you have to know to tie</i> <i>one of these doohickeys. </i> [shattering] <i>Ooh.
</i> <i>And the bunny and the barracuda</i> <i>go out for coffee</i> <i>and the boat gets a flat! </i> [thudding] [gasping] 3-D effects! I love this show.
[grunting] Huh? Hi, SpongeBob. Fancy meeting you here.
[restrained chuckle] Hi, Patrick. Trying out a new look? Yeah, I'm looking for a job.
Here we go. My very first bag boy duty. You're going too slow, SpongeBob, bagging's all about speed, baby.
Oh, no, I missed one. [screaming] Nice job, Patrick. Now, watch me.
[grunting] [grunting] There. [humming] Ooh, tres chic. Thanks.
Hup-hup-hup. [screaming] [grunting] What is going on out here? You barnacle brains are done!
Whoo-hoo! We completed a job! I think I'm getting the hang of the "job" thing, but did I find my porpoise?
It's pronounced "purpose. " Psst, hey, lady. We're lookin' for a job.
You think we could, uh, paint that fence for you? Oh, of course. What sweet boys.
We could touch up a few of your wrinkles, too. [scoffing] <i>♪ Oh, this is the way</i> <i>We paint the fence ♪</i> <i>♪ Paint the fence</i> <i>Paint the fence ♪</i> <i>♪ This is the way</i> <i>We paint the fence ♪</i> <i>♪ For the nice old lady ♪</i> Perfect! This house could use some help, too.
Oh, it's, uh, lovely. Thank you! You haven't seen anything yet.
Ta-da! We gave your house a makeover. Isn't she beautiful?
Oh. . .
A job well did. Dad, will there be any monsters in the woods where we're camping? Oh, son.
Of course there will! That's why this RV is packed to the gills with anti-monster technology. [beeping] [music playing] [music playing] [honking "La Cucaracha"] [thudding] [grunting] And now it's time to rough it.
[humming] [humming] [grunting] Ah! Now this is roughing it. [snoring] [chirping] [groaning] What's going on?
Where's the RV? Don't worry, Dad. I just needed more space to set up, for Patrick's survival competition show, <i>Toughing it Out</i>.
The RV kept getting in the shot, so I asked Patrick to move it. Yup. Parked it right over there.
Whoa! [giggling] I'm gonna vacuum. [gasping] Just think, the dust free Brickabrick.
[groaning] The spotless, speckless spots. [gasping] Major mail order vacuum, but I love it! [chuckles] Ah, it's great to see real Kentucky bluegrass after all that artificial turf I've been cutting.
How's that fertilizer treatin' you? Ha! [chuckles] Eh?
Your clorophyll's looking great! Next! [grunting] Ah-ooh.
Mm, that should've hurt! [grunting] Oh. Whoa!
Oh! A job well done. Heh!
[beeping] That floor's clean! Huh, so much garbage in mom and dad's room. [grunting] Huh!
[humming] That cheapskate is gonna give me what he owes me. . .
whether he knows it or not! Sorry, kid. We tried, but your family's just too dumb to scare.
Said the worst ghosts I've ever seen. I could scare people better than you. Huh.
Oh, yeah? Huh? I bet you couldn't even scare that guy.
Oh, I couldn't, huh? Watch and learn. [laughing] There's probably loose change in the couch.
Aha! I think I found a bag of money. What the heck?
That's not yours. [screaming] Hey, I need that! [knocking] Hello!
<i>Warning, warning! </i> <i>If you have entered</i> <i>the knuclear testing area,</i> <i>you are a knucklehead. </i> Hi.
Sorry to intrude, but can you tell me where they keep the free fruit around here? Huh? Oh, I get it, keeping it all for yourself, huh?
I understand. I wouldn't tell anyone either. No hard feelings, I'll let myself out.
I said, "No hard feelings! " Huh? I guess you're the head of the house now.
Bye. <i>Three. .
. Two. .
. One. .
. </i> <i>One and a half. .
. </i> <i>One and a quarter. .
. </i> <i>Now, now, now. </i> Uh?
The 1940s were boring. You know, Clint. We have been hosting this parade for 12 years, and I have never seen a parade balloon eating another parade balloon.
[laughing] Oh! [screaming] That's no balloon, it's a big boy! [popping, screaming] [screaming, smashing] Loud noises!
Oh, yes. This is mindless entertainment gold. Extra!
Read all about it! Military called in to combat big monster! They were?
[crunching] Extra! Extra! We're okay!
Why won't you toys stay where I put you! Fire! [screaming] Cool, roller skates!
[laughing] Oh, those were our best tanks. We'll have to resort to nuclear missiles. Don't you dare hurt my big brother.
He's not a monster, he's just big boned. Bombs away! Go!
Go! Stupid mosquitoes! Make up!
[cheering] Nice job lighting the star, son. [thudding] Don't hog the punch, dear. Get your presents for everyone and put them under the pole.
And we're all expecting better gifts this year, big brother. They better be awesome. Oh, no.
I forgot to get anyone anything. There's gotta be gifts around here somewhere. Huh!
? [grunting] Half-chewed candle, gift! Fully-chewed candle, gift!
Ooh, petrified underwear. Gift! Gift, gift, gifty gift, gonna give a gift- Owww!
[barking] What's that, boy? You say you stopped me because I'm about to give my family garbage for Christmas? [barking] You're right, Ouchie.
I gave everyone the same garbage last year. We found your thingy years ago! My Doomsday Blackhole bomb!
What have they done to you? Pfft! It's not a bomb.
It's our nut smashing table! It's perfect for smashing sea nuts! -Watch!
-Stop! Hold it! Say cheese poofs!
[sighing] Oops. I missed. Oh, no.
[screaming] In Klopnod, all shelves are 30 feet high because, I don't know. All Klopnodian boys must master the shelf pole. We call this Spladap.
The wooden objects on the shelf go into the corresponding holes in the table. This you do without leaving the pole, assisted only by the pole holder. Okay, here goes!
Ooh! Put it in the round hole! The round hole in the table!
Okay, son! Nice and easy! Nice and easy!
[thudding] How'd I do? Wow, I did not even know we had a square hole. One more to go, get the star.
That's it, son, just. . .
[screaming] -I can't hold on. -I'm bailing out. [screaming] Today, I'm going to be a star!
Thank you! Okay, Pearl, you've got 30 seconds to fill while Patrick changes his costume. [Patrick grunting] Huh?
[grunting] Okay, maybe 45 seconds. Ladies and gentlemen, making her big "Patrick Show" debut, it's Pearl! [chuckles] [chuckles] [yawning] Ouch!
Ouch! Ouch. Ouch.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Ahhh! [screaming] Bonjour! [cheering] Squidina, I don't think they liked me.
That was pretty terrible. Don't worry. When Patrick is done you'll have another chance to fail, I mean, bail.
I mean, wow them. Okay, inside this kitchen are all the cupcakes. The bad babies led by me will break in, and steal the snacks.
The good babies led by you will try to stop us. It will be their very first adventure. Ooh.
[laughing] [grunting, laughing] Yah! Hold it right there, bad babies. Your infantile crime wave is over.
Ow! Ow, ow, ow! [screaming] [screaming, burping] Ow, ow!
[screaming] This is. . .
The greatest thing that's ever happened, in the world of great things happening. [humming, gasping] Oh. Great Neptune's naval.
[grunting] [screaming] What? Now, blue fish! I have to use the downstairs bathroom.
I gotta go, I gotta go. [screaming, grunting] I broke the toilet again. Hello, Mr Plumber.
The broken toilet is inside. We're taking grandpa to the restroom at the mall. Hurry, son.
My back teeth are floating. Ha! Okay.
<i>Mr Plumber doesn't know</i> <i>that the downstairs toilet is</i> <i>the broken one. </i> <i>He only hears the sounds</i> <i>of a toilet flushing</i> <i>Coming from upstairs. </i> Extra, extra!
Skinflint Star won't pay paper boy. It's got ink now. Pay up!
Oh, please don't hurt me. Your money's over there. Huh?
Oh, I can't believe it. Five years of unpaid newspaper money. Oh, thank you, Grandmama.
Thank you. Oh. Thank you.
Hey, the money is melting. It's made of paper maché. [crying] Something smells fishy around here.
I wonder why. Here, cry on that. [crying] And that, too.
[crying] What? Everything's made of paper maché. You can't shake down a Star.
You hear me? Your paper pushing tentacles! Cecil may be a dope, but GrandPat is one smart pierogi.
That's why he's Granny's little sugar pants. -What was that? -Nothing, dear.
Oh, boy. Whoa! The whole place is collapsing!
Run for it! [screaming] <i>♪ Dad, we're a genius! ♪</i> [laughing] -Uh-oh, dad!
-Yes, son? -I think we'd better run. -Good idea, son.
Like your great, great great grandfather always used to say, Look out! There's a house falling on! Wow.
[whistle blowing] Oh, I gotta go bathroom. [grunting] Patrick, no! Don't open the door.
Well, what's going on here? Oh. The only thing that would make this relaxing bath better is a relaxing song.
[singing] [singing] Oh, my. Ouch, Tinkle! Now is not the time to play butt biting toilet shark.
Is this the episode where Patrick can't stop drooling? Yeah, seen it. Ol' tidal wave mouth ain't gonna flood my room this time.
-Here ya go. -Oh, thank you, Patrick. [gasping, screaming] Anyone else feel wetter than usual?
Uh, Patrick, your raging mouth water, washed us out of our house. Oh, I see. So I'm the only sea star who's ever slobbered slightly.
Son, I'm afraid excessive moisture just runs in the family. Here, try this. Oh.
Stand back! He's gonna blow! Perch Perkins here.
Live at the site of a flooded house. And with me today is a special guest, my great grandmother. Say "hi".
Hello, it's my birthday. 112. I swear, that woman will live forever.
My drooling is totally under control. Of course you are, sweetie. Now, hold still while mommy tapes your mouth shut.
Well, if we can't stop them, at least we can use them. Take that Gladys. You nosy gnat!
Huh? Uh. [laughing] [biting] Uh-oh.
My butt! Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. It's not working.
Oh! Gotta get back to sleep. <i>♪ Go to sleep, little Headie ♪</i> Or not?
Time for plan B. In case of not asleep, break glass. Oh!
[cheering] One bump on the noggin with this baby. And it's back to dreamland. Oh, a little to the right.
Now left. A little higher. You're getting warmer.
Warmer, warmer. Ah! Too warm, too warm.
Hot, hot foot, hot foot. Buddy, wait up! Uh-oh.
[humming] Breakfast is ready. There you are. I just finished your makeup.
Viola. Wow. I'm beautiful.
You're also late. The show should have started five minutes ago. Squidina, I can't do the show today.
Not until I relive my dream. You know, I had a dream once. Moms can dream?
Yes, Patrick. It was when I was a little girl. You were a little girl?
Yes, Patrick. I dreamed about driving fast, zipping around the track at the motor speedway. I dreamed of winning races.
I dreamed of becoming- A race car! Actually, I- Don't say another word. I'm not gonna let your dream die the way mine did.
My mother is going to be a race car! I dreamed of being a race car driver, not a race car. [audience groaning] [laughing] We get to teach him what fun is.
Oh. . .
Fun, fun, fun! [gasping] [laughing] Blandy, are you ready to play the funnest game ever. It's called: Hold that Eel.
Me first! [growling] Oh. Spicy fun.
My turn! Crispy fun. All right, Blandy, you're up.
Hey, little guy, why don't you like eels? We really light up the room. Ooh!
All right, boys, I'm off the clock. See ya next week. Same time.
We can't just give up on him. We need something even more funner than fun. Oh.
Ice cream's fun! Huh? Huh?
This is a job for mermaid man! The idiot box! -Candy.
-Burger. -Trucks. -Kalamazoo.
This thing. Huh. -Nothing's working, captain.
-Time for drastic measures. Found it! Whee!
Mm! Whoo-hoo! So, what are we looking for?
Deep down, every child has a sense of fun, Patrick. We just gotta find Blandy's. I don't know, SpongeBob.
It looks pretty empty in here. It's not gonna turn up right under our. .
. Stupid doorknob! Patrick!
Are you going to spray me again? I want to, but there's no water in space. No water?
Uh-oh. And that is how a star is made. Isn't astrology fascinating?
Oh, man. I'm doing it again, aren't I? Mm.
What in tarnation is going on? Work it, work it, work it. Oh, no.
We forgot about GrandPat. He's done got static super charged. [laughing] Cower before me, Bikini Bottom.
[laughing] Witness my unlimited power! We gotta fight electricity with electricity! Yeah.
Did it work? Go get 'em, Patrick. That will be enough, GrandPat.
Eh, go suck an egg. I see. Well, I guess I'll solve this through the process of elimination.
[screaming] Feel the weight of the evidence. Oh! [laughing] Missed me.
Oh. Pardon me. I'll just be going.
[screaming] Surprise! Ha! Ha, ha!
[farting] My leg! My leg! Oh, rats!
I forgot to charge my phone. Go for Slappy. Uh-oh.
Patrick, are y'all okay? Just taking a little superpower nap. [laughing] Hey, Patrick.
Want to learn about gravity? [laughing] Talk about a failed experiment. Ooh, this day is turning out just like my horoscope predicted.
Horoscope? But that's. Yes, Patrick.
It's pseudoscience. Strudel science. Eh, close enough.
[screaming] This is my secret stash of comic books that I don't own yet. Ooh. This funny book emporium is ripe for chaos.
I just need to distract my cousin. I think you'll enjoy this one. Oh.
Thanks, Fitzpatrick. Oh. Hey!
Who had the big idea to put castle in my way? It is I, Beelzebass. Evil wizard extraordinaire.
And I didn't put my castle in your way. You just walked into it, you boob. Don't try mind games on me, sorcerer.
I demand hand to hand combat. Buzz off! Whoa!
Hey! Stop that! All right, peon, you asked for it!
Whoa! Whoa! Ah!
Now we battle it! Is that drool? [screaming] [laughing] What the?
Who did this? What? It was the bald guy.
All right, buddy. Consider yourself banned. Alas!
Poor Patrick banned forever once again. Whatever will he do? Oh, it's no biggie.
There's plenty of other shops here in the comic book district. Come on, Fitzy. I'll bet this place has even more comics to eat.
[phone ringing] Patrick, where are you? It's time to host the Patrick Show. Is that some sort of malevolent spirit?
No, just my malevolent sister. I swallowed my shell phone.
