IVANA JAUREGUI (COMO SAIR DO CAOS NA MATERNIDADE) - PODPEOPLE #228

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] before we start, I wanted to ask everyone here to subscribe to the channel, share our content and press the bell to receive all the news, okay, because each time we will be able to do more and more episodes that will do a lot of good for everyone Our guest today is an educator specializing in conscious motherhood, creator of the full mother method that supports mothers in transforming the challenges of raising a child into a more balanced experience and full of learning In our chat we will talk about the challenges of

motherhood the importance of emotional education in raising children how to establish Healthy limits and strategies to strengthen the bond between parents and children With you Ivana [Music] Jaureg [Music] Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Pod People a place where we meet to see and hear people People who make people happen people who inspire Our guest today is an expert in motherhood Her name Ivana Jauregui I said it right, you said it perfectly Amazing Everything is good, my dear, thank you very much for accepting our invitation, I'm very excited for this conversation I want to

learn a lot and I want our audience to also learn from you I also really appreciate the invitation I'm very honored to be here and very excited too Feel at home At home My dear, your episode was chosen to be sponsored by Axon Axon is the supplement that arrived in Brazil in February and I was approached by them to test this supplement in September of last year 2024 And then I asked for 3 months I said: "Everything Well, I'll Use it for 3 months if it's cool, right? I'm cool with it." And really, Axon's proposal

is a supplement made with vitamin B12 with tyrosine, which is a precursor to dopamine, which helps with focus and attention. Also reverastrol with K10 enzyme, which are brain antioxidants, it has a combination of phosphatidine, choline, which improves memory and cognition. this So it's a really cool supplement, I use it every morning and it helps me a lot because you know that being in the studio all day long we have to be focused and we have to be willing So I usually say that axon is for those who want focus, energy and disposition Have you ever

had a time in your life where you said: "Ah, I think if I needed a little more energy focus today it would make me easier" Girl, if I tell you about the lack of memory I have something that you know, something that logically It affects me a lot on a daily basis, of course, because imagine having more than three children, on top of that, forgetting about things But one thing I don't see a way out of is because When I look at my mother, she is also forgotten. When I look at my father, he is

also forgotten. So I don't have it. It's genetic. So, I think Axon will do you good. It will help you a lot. And there's a good thing about it. You can blend it in juice. You can blend it with ice in the morning. It's very tasty. a little fiber helps a lot to regulate the intestines made for me without sugar without gluten So look, you're getting a bag here, an ecobag and a can of Oh how wonderful I'm going to try it Try it There are two small measures a day You can leave it aside

and at the end the children will put away all their presents and you'll still get lots of presents So we're just arranging the sponsor's gift here and then test it and tell us, ok and there's something good, right ? who is watching the pipo powder Exactly Exactly B for those who are watching the pipo powder now you have the coupon that you can use on the axon website axon.com.br which is the Podpimple 15 Podip 15 with 15% discount on purchase And Instagram Bia Instagram Instagram is Axon Brasil official And there is one thing we must

pay attention to before an option arises of people wanting to imitate wanting to put Axon with 2x Axon is XOM OK, and you will only really find the Axon tested by me on axon.com.br or on Instagram Axonbrasil with the same s is official The rest is imitation Any questions send us a message on Instagram in direct and we will take it but there is no other axon other than the one we announce here Okay, thank you very much dear Let's go First, congratulate us on your work, thank you, I felt a lot of truth, a

lot of authenticity So I wanted you to talk a little about your process of becoming this person who, uh, tries to make mothers' lives something less heavy, something lighter and that has learning in it. so much for children and so much for mothers Tell me a little bit about your life Yes Eh I think that actually my interest has always been children through the most the way I found to be able to touch and help children I started working with children when I was 9 years old 9 years old Ahem My mother had a School

inside our house in the living room of our house She set up a little school and she needed help At that time my mother was alone with three daughters she needed help And my twin sister and I have a twin sister identical to me, the same Ah So it was you, your twin sister and your mother And my mother with 40 50 children The three of us are at school At school I was a 9 year old child taking care of children It was at that time that it was possible to do that, right? So

since then I always remember as a little girl having a different view towards children, like the things I saw happening inside my mother's school, my mother is such a person who is completely impeccable with children but the education system already bothered me So you see little children being forced to learn something the way their mother and father treated them I remember being a child and watching parent meetings and always looking at the children's psychologist I was always listening, they marked me like that And there were things that you already said, I don't know, this mother

since I was little, right, or this father or this psychologist, doesn't see something Look, when I was 12 years old, the Teacher in my class at my school asked what do you want to be when you grow up And I said, I want to be a teacher first year because I want to teach children to read in a different way, in a more loving way. Anyway, I already had that. I remember that the answer the teacher gave me was: "Aren't you going to make money?" It ended with you It was very unexciting wasn't it She

was quite uninspiring It was but it didn't move It didn't move It didn't move me But since then I've always had a sensitive look at children Even though I was a child when I became a mother of course everything took on even more meaning but I my dream was to be a mother when my first child was born How old were you and I was 20 years old when my first child was born 20 year old It was all right because my dream was that being mother When until I was two years old I enjoyed

motherhood my baby everything was beautiful breastfeeding waking up at night everything was fine When he turned one year old when his personality began to take hold I lost myself I started to hit him I screamed and he hit me Until he was 8 years old it was a war in the house in the war And that feeling of imagine my Dream is to be a mother and at night comes and I get to do something different and enjoy that and at night comes and I can't take it anymore I can't take it anymore I'm frustrated

with myself it was a feeling exhausted, stressed, frustrated, it was a horrible feeling, but I never stopped looking for a solution. It bothered you, right? So while you were a baby and didn't speak, you didn't have any kind of desire, you breastfed wonderfully, you slept, everything was beautiful. When you start walking around, questioning, talking, having a desire , you got lost. You saw that things were a little more difficult than you imagined. Uh, when the baby started to have his own personality, then I already had to be, in addition to being a mother, being an

educator, it's one thing to be a mother, another thing is to be a mother, an educator With two years old I already had to start educating that child because he confronted me, he didn't want to do what I told him, he threw a tantrum And then how do I deal with that and suddenly I found myself inventing no tools and everything went wrong Uhum Everything you did went wrong Everything I did went wrong And it was chaos that I hit my son Uhum But what was good, right, sometimes the most, you know, saying like this:

"Ah, don't you feel guilty about that?" Because of course I changed all that Of course you feel it You felt it at the time You feel it but what was good was turning my pain into a transformation That was what made me release the guilt of Yes I can't stay like this I have to look for something that makes the relationship with my son worthy at least for me and for him There was always something inside me that didn't let me conform I'm not going to live motherhood like that Imagine my son was 2 3

years old when he was 5 my second daughter was born And I thought I wouldn't I'm going to live my life I'm going to be a mother forever I'm not going to live like this forever I don't want it I don't deserve it It's possible that it's like this but there's no other way So I traveled I went traveling and looking for schools people some light I traveled through many countries looking until in Ecuador I found a school that had a methodology that taught the child to respect the child and let them grow in freedom

but that had a lot of limits, rules and order so I combined both things So it was a mix of freedom to be for the child to be and at the Same time limits for the child to be able to behave in society That's because in my experience, limits, rules and order hurt I understood It was a physical intervention Ah, that was violent So I didn't want to do that to my son So what I did I left him free You went from the radicalism of violence to total permissiveness Exactly, it's also one, it's one,

it's the opposite pole as serious as Exactly You know that phrase, I'm going to give my son everything I didn't have, that's horrible That's what's wrong with the human being That's what I did Uhum So I went to the other extreme Oh if if my mother and my father they didn't listen to me I'm going to listen to everything my son says If they didn't let me have an opinion my son will have an opinion on everything You stopped being the dictator to let the child be the dictator Exactly Exactly Not with a good intention,

you understood to see my son Ahem To fix things, to see my son grow up strong, safe, free, happy Girl, that was terror, chaos So, I went on all those trips looking for it Until I found one a little way there in Ecuador in a school that talked about freedom but with rules, order limit that Made sense to me and it makes perfect sense And it makes perfect sense to this day because it is common sense , right ? in my wound I'm going to give my son what I didn't have what hurt me I'm

not going to do it with him I'm going to do it differently So in this attempt to heal the internal wounds through my son, everything went wrong It certainly went wrong Then when he was 8 years old, besides finding this path with this light, hey, it brought me, it didn't bring me this balanced view of things, even so, I didn't know how to do it But in addition to that, I also realized that all these years I was waiting for my son to change, that a psychologist would help him, that a school that someone solve

my son's problem because he's aggressive he doesn't respect me he's a child With a strong character and he's a strong character well positioned firmly So I was looking for my son to change especially as soon as I realized that I was an adult waiting for the child to change my discomfort So I did it like this, it's me who has to change It's you who has to change What you're talking about happens a lot, right? Parents try to outsource their child's change and are resigned, even convinced, even though I don't know if I speak convinced,

but convinced that because the child is the problem, she's the one who's strong, she's the one who has a temperament, she's the one who doesn't obey Ivana I educate two eyelashes one obeys the other not So the problem is the child So when you are convinced that the problem is the child you make him responsible for your pain, your suffering and your frustration and you are stuck until my son doesn't change I'm going to experience motherhood this way So that day for me was like that, I remember it was a watershed When I took responsibility

I said: "Oh, everything you see in your son, everything that bothers you, take it on yourself because you are the same Your son is a mirror of you" It was like that, I even get goosebumps when I say that because it was Then I started to see OK, what do I see in my son, he is aggressive? Ivana, you are aggressive, diplomatically aggressive. Uhum You, your son has no limits, no, you are invasive. Realize And when I started to affirm these things that I saw in my son to myself, I began to have clarity of

when I was really being invasive, I was being aggressive with him to begin with , even to begin with him. So what I did to myself, I took my rebellious and wild personality. indomitable and I started to educate myself. Domar I started to educate myself. The first week was such a brutal transformation that I said: "OK, what do you need to do to take charge of things?" OK, Ivana, you need to stop blaming your son, take responsibility, you need to put him as a priority because for me, my son hit His sister and I was

making a cake and I said: "Oh, stop it" Again It's hello, he again, right, I almost tied my hands You're not going to hit your son Whatever happens, whatever happens for a week You're not going to hit your son, you're not going to swear at him He's going to be your priority And that's what I did I spent a month I put in a week like this of focus He's going to be your focus But this way you put yourself in focus, promising like this: "I'm not going to get out of control, I'm not going

to attack, I'm not going to be disrespectful, even when I speak Ahem, I mean, many mothers, you're a bastard, I don't know what, you do that on purpose, those things Uhum That's what you did in relation to you that he fit And what was the priority focus you gave him towards him, I didn't do anything different You just observed and changed your stance I didn't do it for him nothing different but what I stopped doing was the difference I understand I stopped hitting I stopped swearing I stopped ignoring the things he did wrong I started

to set limits logically I was attentive Uhm One week my son did that you were present So when he's going to give the example you gave you're there making the cake And then he hit his sister Uhm Well how was it this week how did you deal with that my priority was the son So if the cake is burning let it burn I don't care I'm going to go and talk with him Hey, you hit your sister I saw You can't Uhum set limits Because sometimes I realized at that point that I was too lazy

to go there and set the limits Of course Because facing, imagine facing that strong-willed child Uhum, it would lead to a fight and I would explode And exploding is something like anything that explodes is a very large accumulation of energy, a very large waste of energy to explode So, at night, I was exhausted So I avoided it, then again he did, you know, I didn't want to mess with him. that But then it was in that week that the basic transformation of my story happened there Then until today my son is 24 years old I

continue to transform myself every day I never stopped transforming myself in other stages, right, they will need other transformations Wow, the feeling is as if I had a house that was all dirty, messy, moldy, damaged, abandoned And This week I had a cleaning day, you know, then I dedicated myself to cleaning the little thing, keeping repairing something that broke today, I never again let anything accumulate Uhum And which It was his reaction, right, what's his name, can you say Luan? What was Luan's reaction when he continued to do it, especially in that first week, everything

he did disturb his sister or or whatever, attract attention, what was his reaction when the shouting didn't come, the aggression didn't come, the swearing didn't come, ahem, he started to have fewer conflicts, fewer conflicts that he provoked, which he caused, but it remained the conflict with me became stronger because I set limits that I didn't set before I understood So the confrontation with me became stronger And even so, you kept the rule of non-violence, non- aggression It was resistance, it wasn't tying your hands, biting your tongue, opening your eyes A week like this, resisting, betting

on the result What happens is that the result was so visible that the effort of tying your hands, biting your tongue and opening your eyes was nothing compared to the result Uhum That's what's good when you realize that your son is mirroring you if transform Your child transforms instantly It's exciting for sure It's very exciting because he gets better It's almost immediate reward you have effort you have the result there So any effort this was the biggest effort I made in my motherhood Well this and the three times I gave birth, right, but that's a

temporary effort But to improve the relationship this was the biggest effort that's why I say it was the gross I put in one I cleaned my motherhood an organized one Then until today I skipped that, right because so while we are mothers we have children imagine , I have three, there are always some little things and they are always different , right ? Two" I say, don't leave it the same for both, it doesn't exist The first one needs one thing the second one needs another You have to find out It's so interesting Ivana says

that I always when I treated children today I don't answer anymore I remember the father said: "No, I'm very fair, I give the same to all three" I said: "That's not justice Justice is giving what each one needs" Exactly So there was a patient who was that child who didn't even need to be told to study, it was the opposite I said: "Dad, ask him to go for a walk Sunday on a bicycle , right? Oh no But he doesn't like it He likes to study But he can't spend all the time studying Then the

other one didn't study at all Then the father arrived and he had to punish him So it was like that We are fair when we give each one what each one needs And I think it's a belief, you know that you have to be a mother, the same mother for all your children, which is very limiting because you're not the same person with me as with, I don't know, with your family, with each one of the team You don't It's the same person So you have to have the courage to meet with each child, you

know, if you take the Trouble to get to know each child and strengthen that individual connection with each one of them and open the letter that each one brought to improve you Exactly The challenge, right? My first son asked me for firmness I didn't know how to be firm without being violent which is a problem for a lot of people nowadays I asked for emotional firmness He asked me for correct firmness because a strong personality like my son's he has the tendency to do the right and fair things, you know, they are normally the child

like that, she is in favor of she feels comfortable when things are right So anything that is out of the right way would drive the boy crazy So imagine if I went there to set a limit that he asked for all clumsily everything crooked the boy reacted to that For example, the third daughter is the opposite If I talk to the third daughter with the force with the intensity that is no longer violence thank God the intensity the strength of the intensity that you talk to your son If I talk to my third daughter with

that intensity she wets her pants She dies She is hyper sensitive, probably super The other one is also sensitive Uhum The one in the middle The three are actually sensitive I Have it their way Their way Luan is sensitive but he has a strong personality Narayama, who is the youngest, is also sensitive and she has that sweet personality that always wants to see the other happy And if you bring your voice to her that's almost a declaration of war Dies she breaks inside Uhum While the first one he needs my strength It's like, mom, you

can handle me because I'm strong You can do it with me, son Phew, that's good, mom So I'm going to grow up happy Like that And the one in the middle is a girl Tiana, she's very similar to the older one too Strong, she looks So you had two strong ones Eh, and when you got to Naara, right, naara Nara when you got there Nara you even had to readapt because you were used to an intention of strength Narama she teaches me to be a person completely different from what I learned Sweeter sweeter Sweeter The

strength she needs from me is sweetness I understand It's in sweetness The strength that the other two need from me is in determination And how is the relationship between the three of them today it's great it's wonderful but that wasn't They they fought especially the older one With the one in the middle They are five or so years old it differs So like those on the extremes No, there's no fight with them But the oldest with the middle one, the middle one with the youngest, that's how it is, Yes, But even that because I've become

a mother, it's not that I've become an observant mother, I've been an observer of children since I was You already observed the children at your mother's school So, even that, I've already observed My children fight What is it, why do they fight? So I went out asking people, do you have a child? children no I saw at school even the boys don't fight Your children don't fight what do you do she said: "I don't know what I do I dedicate a lot of time to each one of them Then I started observing and testing and

I realized that our children they have to feel that they are the favorite child Each of them each in their own way that is special He has to be sure that he is your favorite child Not in comparison to the others I never told him you are my favorite child but I make him feel that I understand For the three of them So no opened each one special and feels special Then I dedicate time Every day I have my exclusive time with each one of them So that doesn't create jealousy there's no rivalry Because jealousy

is what it is when you think you're giving more to someone, right, the child's jealousy is when he realizes that his brother is threatening the connection he has with his mother or his father Um My children you ask them Luan who is your mother's favorite child he says: "I, it's impossible for my mother to feel this way about another child Then aaa second the same thing the third the same thing Are they convinced that they are?" question because really the connection that I have with Narayama it's not impossible for me to have this connection with

anyone in the world But that's what I have with Tiana is it's a connection it's another one that's unique No no within this connection with each child each one of them is a favorite in this connection Exactly Exactly, right, each one is each one is special and it's a very strong connection that there's nothing in the world between the two of us And they know they feel So there's a need to overthrowing a brother to conquer because the fight between brothers is normally that, right, it's usually the love of the mother, the love of the

father It's exactly So this Rivalry doesn't exist, it doesn't make sense Perfect perfect That Today I can tell you like this for a long time now since I've actually been living this process for about 10 years, right? I respect a feeling that everyone is in their place and is satisfied. Nobody threatens anyone. Yes, and you can collaborate. But this is not something you imagine we can achieve in one day and stay like this forever. I cleaned up my maternity ward, but I do daily maintenance every day. Today I woke up at 5:20 in the morning,

I'm here, my daughter is in Bahia, at 5:20 in the morning to say to her: "Good morning, are you having a good day at your school? " important I'm not at home and she stayed So, what time are you back, right? Mom, mom? Come back at the end of the day, leave She's 13 years old, imagine And I wake up at 5:30 in the morning to say: "Good morning, daughter, I'm here thinking about you" Uhm There, Basic maintenance It's like wiping the table with a cloth Basic maintenance Reaffirming affection, right, affirming this connection This is

so difficult for parents to understand, right? I see a lot of fathers and mothers say: "But he knows I love" No, no, Because you don't You, if you, love is practice, right? If you put this in a relationship, for example, as a couple, oh, but I know he loves me No, I need it, I need attitudes to feel this, right ? see from the positioning that the most are because if you don't position yourself in the place you don't know what your place is If there are many more who are afraid of dealing with their

children to set a limit or are afraid of imposing something Oh no, I'm not going much anymore now in the era of freedom I'm going to impose on my son So it goes from the beginning You're a mother Hello, you've become a mother, take A stand, you're not a little friend, you're not a little friend This is your place Because there are a lot of mothers who love to say: "I'm my son's friend." No, you're not a friend, that's a mother No It's one thing for you to be an open, understanding mother and have a

strong connection with your child A friend is another thing entirely. Even my children, the 13-year-old, sometimes get confused and will speak to me in a language that they speak to a friend and I correct them Hey, mother, you don't talk like that, I'm a mother, I'm not a friend, but I'm open and understanding, right? She's just been born, she doesn't know how things work So they have a lot of energy, she gets out of place, you know, she gets confused, so you have to always put her in her place, right? You've been on the other

side Uhum Who am I to judge but that's what it's like to assume the assumption of the eh how do you say authority lose the fear of being an author disassociate authority limit rules and order with violence with eh a lot of people think like that, see until recently a mother told me like that eh my daughter I tell her to do it and she doesn't it seems like she's testing my mental health I said, girl, she doesn't even know what mental health is She doesn't even know that it exists Imagine if she will know

what sanity is meditate Perfect That's it This is leaving the place of victim I'm the overworked mother poor thing I suffer and it's my son's fault Look what we do Because Oh no Ivana you don't know my son He's very strong You'll see every time I Because I worked at the school until two years ago I worked for years and years at the school All the mothers who came and told me like this: "My son is unbearable you won't be able to handle it they obey me No problem being the problem" So then you see

where the problem here at school is not but if the child Uhum is capable of obeying a certain thing it's because he is capable of obeying She has no problem Obcer Yes The problem Is that the way it is being placed is not giving results So let's learn mother how to do it because your son is capable He demonstrated here that he has this ability So from positioning himself is how to set up an environment for children that people don't have the slightest idea of ​​how important a well-prepared environment is the difference that a low

sink makes details It's like everything I go to your house I go stay there for a week and you didn't prepare anything for me There isn't a bed there isn't a towel Uhum How am I going to feel I'm tense I'm not going to feel welcome I'll be able to relax So an environment that's well prepared for the child for the stage of development that he or she is going through There needs to be a little more in-depth study on this What is the stage that your child is going through in terms of development then

you go through the child's development at each moment Exactly Because, for example, a 2-year-old child, she's in the ambulatory stage, she's going to walk around Then Mike doesn't understand and says: "My son doesn't sit still, he's a toy he spreads everywhere He keeps banging his head on the table Just look at how much stress Just because You didn't understand what stage he is going through and you didn't prepare the environment for this stage so that the child can develop You have to develop the muscles the circuits right and it will pass Exactly Passing will pass

you modify the environment a little he feels welcome he feels satisfied A well prepared environment for a child is an environment that doesn't have much can't There has to be some can't to train the limit it also can't be everything can Some can't to train the limit but most of the environment has to be can If you can't imagine the child It's free, don't let it go You can't He's testing everything, right? It's a constant stress No you can't you ca n't You can't All the time he doesn't know what he's doing wrong and all

the time he's being scared No you can't you can't You can't So a relaxed environment No you're saying something so interesting I see it like this, sometimes I go to visit friends who have small children or nephews and then the person sets up a dining table which is a danger for a child who has to walk So there comes a time when there won't be a dining table it will be kept there in somewhere because The child has to move because otherwise he can't move because he hits, he could hit his head on the glass

table, I don't know what, I know momentarily, the house will have to host this guest who has arrived. The least you can do since you've brought someone into the world welcomes you, receives, get ready for that . He's learning so many things Imagine how the world is changing, right? He literally is. Rules, order, limits, rules. Define another stage of the process, right? Define the rules? What do you want? Mothers saying: "My house is chaos" He always leaves the towel thrown out, I don't know what It's the same thing every day I talk and nothing happens

But whoever taught the child to be like that, you taught your son to talk and that he doesn't listen to you, you teach your son You don't teach your son where he has to leave the towel Detail Exactly You know where you have to put the towel, don't you And if he's very small he doesn't even drag that Towel Poor thing There's no You have to go along And for children, when they have each thing, it has its own defined place and in a practical way that he can do it, it's tiny The towel leaves

where he puts a small basket where he leaves the towel The toys don't put the toys all in a row on the shelf You know he can't decorate, of course he can't So he puts a big basket that with He puts his motor skills in there and doesn't fall out So get ready, define all the rules what you want I always say the most dream what you want Let's see what's possible Write it down Oh I really wanted my son to come in without shoes Every time he comes in you have to talk about putting

the shoe basket in and putting the rule in Every time you go in you have to leave your shoes here in this basket Simple and concrete For children it's very easy to create a habit It 's not like adults It's easier for children since we are be willing to do the habit And habit we have to do it several times until it becomes the habit Because the mother thinks she taught it once and then the next day no The next day you have to do it again Next day again Exactly And there will come A

day when you're bringing him home from school he'll do it first than you Yes And they are for them it's very easy That's that's another trap that I see in the mentality of mothers expecting that the child doesn't need to be polite When is he going to take a shower without me having to tell him when is he going to brush his teeth without me needing to have no sense of time That time that every day doesn't have You have to signal Child has no sense of time And a child is dependent nature did that

like this there is at least two adults but and a father to take care of him What is the mother's role so the father's role is just to put one in if the child won't need it Then I always answer this to mothers it goes a little crazy Look at the day when your son no longer needs you to take a shower, do his homework, tidy up his room, wash the dishes, he doesn't need you anymore, he leaves the house, he doesn't need you anymore, and you fulfilled your brilliant role, you really should get a

diploma. It wears them down the most and this is a controversial issue because mothers feel worn out and it's the father's fault it's grandma's fault it 's the system's fault it's someone's fault it's always someone's fault How many people don't take responsibility, they don't have the freedom to do things differently, right ? that you put to send a child to take a bath that there's no way to get there at night you're exhausted then if it's not me he doesn't do it Just look again It's a it's a resistance you know motherhood she's like she's

like a I say she's like a river she goes and you're swimming against the current I don't want Or she's like a roller coaster there's also a way back up you go up you go up you go up on the roller coaster you relax You enjoy the adrenaline it was made to make you feel For this reason Don't resist Stop resisting otherwise it will hurt If you resist you will leave feeling tired and hurting leaving all hurt regretting having gone on the roller coaster Many more said: "Oh I wish I wanted to go back" much

more in between regret Yes yes Perfect It's giving yourself over to this experience, right that's the point So I tell you if I dare to say something 80% of the problem ends in and it's in the most complete method , the first module, you give in to motherhood, you stop resisting So, in the first week it transforms You're already a mother, right, and you don't give in. There's no return It's asking, it's not asking for the sun not to rise Exactly, right, like, I want it to not be born tomorrow because you might even have

a cloudy day but the sun is still there You can't see it, but it 's there You're a mother always you don't assume the board that you are in the sea It's like that Uhum And then lastly look at the last part the last step of the method learning the techniques Which is the first one that people come looking for Because you have to understand why you are going to practice the technique It's like you say: "How do I deal with the tantrum you go there and learn a magical technique that saves you from that

but if you don't take a stand in your role you don't assume authority you didn't create well-being for the child and you don't understand what that child's personality is that he didn't strengthen self-esteem because this way, setting limits without strengthening self-esteem doesn't do n't work It doesn't work An insufferable child who only takes limits limits limits gets worse and worse Most people say: "I talk talk doesn't work doesn't work." Well, it's because an unbearable child because he's unbearable he needs to feel good first First of all, not together Together Together doesn't mean feeling good either,

my son and the boy stays But putting So people come to seek the technique as in salvation and the technique in the hands of those who are not well placed of those who are not well placed. You prepared, didn't welcome your child, who didn't strengthen his self-esteem, who didn't create the rules, the order, everything he needs won't work, three days later, you can't support it Anymore. You're talking about something that I think is sensational. The technique in the hands of someone who doesn't know why the technique works and how it has to work is a

weapon. Yeah, it's like giving a hammer to a 5-year-old child instead of a hammer to a carpenter. Exactly Or else you give authority to people who exercise authority with violence, right? You're saying perfect And if the last module of the method is fundamental, that's because she can only have access to a weapon Exactly When she knows how to use it and he's the last one, that's why because if I give it to the first one, people will leave happy, full of tools, but not only that they don't understand anything And it won't support it, it

won't have support, it won't support it, it won't even know how to put the technique in place . it comes from experience I've been working with children since I was young Imagine it comes from your empirical experience it comes from your own experience So these are techniques and theories that come from practice You saw, right, there's no mistake it works Sometimes the mother said to me: "Wow Ivana, I applied the 10-minute technique, for example, which is to tell the child to do something he doesn't want to do." I applied the 10-minute technique, it didn't work

I have no doubt that I did something wrong The technique, no, the technique has no error because it is already as it is, it comes from the experience of years and years and years of not only my children, I worked at school until years ago, you know, from nine years old, from nine years old, many children, many situations, different temperaments, very, very, very, very, very different . At the beginning, when they go to their mothers, when they use the technique they feel enriched, like a robot, you know, because I say even what you have to

say, just say this Don't invent something else for me. Speak ex, be objective Because anything else you invent is going to break, touching something that you don't know you're playing. For example, in the technique, the 10 minutes when you say a part of this technique that is long, part of it is long, Explanation, the technique is simple. From there, you won't let your child do anything until he surrenders to your guidance, obeys you and takes a shower But you won't tell the child that, of course not I won't leave here until you There's no way

But she does it like this, but she's a child, right, a child dealing with another child Say: "No, I'm giving you an understanding that's meant to stay with you For a child, you're just going to talk like this, they're a child, you're the adult who has to understand." But if you realize today in the times we are in, mothers and fathers are explaining everything to the child, they are putting the child on an equal footing. Exactly There is no mystery. I even get irritated sometimes when mothers tell me: "Ah, my daughter loves you, she keeps

watching your videos. It's not content for children. I'm telling you the tricks." Exactly Exactly In a few days he will say: "I already know that you're going to stay here for 10 minutes looking at me and I'm going to do the following I'm going to stay 20 until you leave here, Right ? I have no idea of ​​time. I always say, I had a patient who was very anxious, when he was 8 or 10 years old , his parents decided to say something like this: "Oh, we said he's going to Disney." November arrives?" It created

anxiety I said he has no idea of ​​time "Ah but I wanted him to be happy He will be happy there" You don't understand You wanted to show that you did something that for him is timeless He has no concept He doesn't ask on Sunday No but he has to prepare I said: "Guys, two days a week, if he asks what's going on, we 're putting on some clothes that we'll go out for a walk. Point is over. It needs to be done." How much time does a 5-year-old child need? To get ready to travel,

tell her Let's travel She's already Ready Yes, you're the one who has to do the thing because the child is going for a walk, let's not even ask where he's going, you know, so this difficulty that I feel for parents to idealize motherhood, fatherhood is good, healthy, you saying: "Look, we're going, I don't know where we're going, I don't know what, we're going to do that" The child won't know anything about this And it's a one, I think it's a little immature of us, you know, putting the child to talk on an equal basis with

him about his education Son, let's come here, let's agree The mothers arrive and said: "No, Ivana, my son doesn't keep the agreement." I told him not to make an agreement, Make an agreement with me No, when a 5-year-old child, you're going to agree, son, in 4 hours when we leave the mall, you won't cry, you can imagine, he doesn't have that idea. The child she waits for, I think the mother and the father know how to educate her. They don't so they can be children. She trusts her father and her mother. It's impressive how the

child trusts her father and her mother. mother Now you sit down with a 5 10 15 year old child to discuss his education and for him to agree and agree and negotiate and you won't Let the child be a child Take care of giving a respectful education so you can give him something but ready something ready and respectful for him Don't make him participate So what's happening today role reversal you have children who don't respect a teacher in the classroom who don't admire adults they have lost admiration for adults which direction they will follow on

the contrary you have a generation of children who film a supposed one is to plot a little situation for the teacher and to do something wrong so that it can go viral It's a total lack of respect, right a lack of respect and I see a very serious lack of admiration because when you're younger you get inspiration from older people Where is the inspiration of our children exactly They can't see in an adult something great something mysterious something that one day I want to achieve Something to follow Exactly Something to follow, right? that this method

must be very pleasurable for you and get the feedback from people, right, it worked For me, right, for Me, it changed my life, it changed my relationship with my son, it changed my relationship even with my husband because sometimes marriage also turns into chaos Yes, that's right, yes, I receive a lot of affection, I receive a lot of recognition, and that's how it is, that's what keeps me from falling because just as I receive recognition, I also sometimes receive attacks and criticism So what doesn't let me fall, doesn't let me give up, what keeps me

going is that But when I receive recognition from a child when he comes to hug me and tells me my mother watches you I thank you Oh my God, this is priceless There it is a Then I fall apart This is a When I can reach the perception of the child's transformation Oh my God It's not inter You're saying something so cute When I wrote my first book Mentes Inquietas eh, I was once at the São Paulo Biennale and then I was already leaving that my panel It was from 4 to 5 That was already

5:30 5:40 Then I saw mom running with her son running He must have been about eight years old Then he said: "Doctor, doctor, I stopped" Then I said: "Well, she said: "Does he want to talk to you?" He wants to talk, I said, I still spoke, But he hasn't read my book. No, but he wants a doctor, please. I said what's your name, he's Antônio. I said: "Antônio, calm down" He came running. I said: "Calm down, let's go" What do you want? talking to me he: "I wanted to thank you" Then I said: "Why Antônio

because your book made my mother treat me much better Then I said: "Do you read the book?" Him: "No but she read it and she's treating me better" Guy there I said: "My God, I never expected to experience that" Uhum You know, it's an emotion that gets you in a way like I had children when I attended who went with their mother to consultations like: "It makes my mother better, a mother with depression" And he arrived like this: "Bia, improve my mother, I need her." Uhum That was something I said: "Jesus in heaven, at the

same time, there are super difficult children, there are also children that we don't know where they came from with a perception, an ability to observe this father, this mother who says things" You say like this: "Guys, these people, they've already been educated, they've already been to some school. There are children like that whose parents also have to observe This child who also has this capacity to look and say Something, it's not that he's going to be the father Uhum From the mother's father or mother Uhum But some children have a power of observation Like you

did, Poceira You had that, you weren't taught You were there watching the psychologists talk about the children Father and mother meeting There are children like that too You know I even asked my mother: "Mom, how did you see me because what I experienced was something I want to see how you saw me." She said: "No, I saw it as a child. My mother always left me alone. She didn't go one way or the other." Perfect, right, not perfect, right, for me it was perfect But I was curious to see if she noticed this subtlety She

didn't. She said: "No, you looked like a normal child like that" But you know I think we get emotional when we receive this feedback from children by observing the change in the hand that exists Exactly. So it's as if life is telling you: "Look, the work you're doing is touching the essence, isn't it?" And the ability that some children have to give you that kind of compliment continues, right, what he's saying continues But you're talking about criticism, I think we live in times of Social media where we have professional critics on duty And I usually

say that critics with all due respect, there are people who criticize and want you better Uh, like, super cool, okay, okay, if you can, you could also focus on, I don't know, how to choose a nanny for my son, if you can, I don't know what Now those people who question everything what you say, always looking for what you didn't say at that moment they don't want your work to improve They want you to objectively say something that they will use to give a message to someone they can't give Uhum So this is very clear

I see this on social media like this I've been there longer than you Yes I am I'm fine it's coming I'm a little leaf out I put it out No but I think you have a strength which is the strength of authenticity which is the strength of experience This is very important But look at that the vast majority at least 85% 90% are people who are enjoying it and are rooting for you There are 10 who are the engineers of the finished work It's those people who don't criticize those who do it don't know how

to do it don't know how to do it but they have everything but they stay on the tip do it like this that's wrong that's it I don't Know what they do I tell the critics to do it because I hope to learn from the critics Uhum If they only know how to criticize do it because if he's going to do something and it's good I'll be the first If something is afraid to publicize that thing good thing someone is doing I don't have the slightest pretense of knowing everything I don't really And I'm like

when I called you I'm going to learn I liked this woman talking I liked her point of view So, knowledge is summative Uhum Your experience of dealing with children at school since the age of 9 is an experience that I don't have I have to have at least a respectful listening to it makes sense, right ? installment Uhum It's just that neither line of therapy nor psychological therapy has several, they are all valid Some are better for someone than even raising a child One you have to give more limits the other you have to give

more freedom you have to keep adjusting No one is the same, right, that's what I think is so beautiful And when we receive this feedback from the children, then it's priceless It's priceless This For me is Oscar Yeah, it's everything, it's Oscar, right, the recognition and what doesn't come but that you know has transformed a life Yes because sometimes this happens to us, I'm my work, it happens, it's in a little room smaller than this, it's me and my son, the team, I don't even have contact with them So sometimes I have no real idea

What impact do my words have? So when I meet a child who puts this notion to me, he said to me: "Thank you, Ivana, let me take a photo with you" He said: "No, that's what I'm talking about." So it's worth that whole week that I stayed in that little room there, it's always worth it because when the intention is good Ivana it's worth it the result will be good Because you know what when I worked at the school I saw it directly with the children Yes Now now but he does it himself Bru let's

go to those subjects here that I wanted Are you enjoying the tea I didn't even drink I'm excited I'm going to drink it now I'm really excited See if it's still good otherwise we'll ask for a little more Hum Wonderful It's good, right it's very good I've separated here You can drink, okay uhum I've separated here some articles that we saw, for example This one here from See the culture of physical punishment in raising children is still entrenched in Brazil Do you notice this this is from 2024 Yes still, right totally How many people even

in the Bible say the rod of discipline justifying, right justifying that they have to hit the child And so I see that it's a cultural thing that has permission It's accepted You see a mother hitting a child in the street and sometimes not you but the person who is When you see it, you'll think it even deserved it Uhum What did she do to deserve it, it's a good thing she got one, she deserved this child Uhum You see a teacher hitting a child, she gets reported, she leaves her position, she loses, understand, so what

logic do you have, to think that a teacher can't hit children when she's dealing with 40 different children, 40 not with one, she's dealing with 40 and one Mike is dealing with one that's hers, that she dies for this child that she gives life for this child, she has the right to beat It doesn't make any logic, doesn't it? The teacher who is the one who is educating, trying to sometimes try to educate, cannot hit, it is very clear, it is a total crime And the mother who is dealing with if she had the right,

right, is free and and total And I think the big Difference that the person needs to understand is that you can give limits Limit does not mean being violent I think it is differentiating limits from violence Yes And the problem is that most of them think that they can't handle it because it is authorized because it is a matter of limits You can't give limits to your child without hitting Ah, who has the problem? The limit is you with yourself You can't contain yourself because a lot of mothers hit their children and feel bad They

don't hit them because they want to Yes They hit them accidentally There are mothers who have a conscience But they can't put limits on themselves She authorizes themselves Now take this mother, put her in one of those more up-to-date countries where if you hit your child the Child Protection Council takes her away She doesn't hit her child anymore because if she hits her child she loses So what's the difference I understand Here the rule is clear and objective Here here it's forbidden to hit a child There's a clear limit Here it's allowed to hit as

a child So you allow yourself I know why it wasn't easy for me to stop hitting my son I won't say it was easy It was a fight against my own strength but in a week of training like this I tied myself to myself With a straitjacket straitjacket I know what happened inside me It was a limit with myself To set that limit you have to find a good reason Like everything in life The doctor tells you: "Stop drinking coffee because you'll die next week" You stop The doctor told you it was good for you

to stop drinking coffee because maybe then You allow yourself a cup of coffee, you have to have a clear reason, you know, very objective. My luck was that I found a clear reason at that time, which was I'm not going to live a life like that, I'm not going to You gave yourself the limit of not living anymore like that It was because I was lazy that I did it I said I'm a mother like this and I have to do this job all my life I won't I can't handle it I don't want to

It's not possible for me So I'm going to start now Next Bru Country had a record of violence against children for 200 records per day in 2023 Just confirm the other The permission the permission that the adult has Next Bru Technoference I didn't know that word, that's how the distraction of parents on the cell phone impacts their children Technoference I think it's the reference the excessive use of technology I think So it's when father and mother use a cell phone a lot and End up giving this reference to their child and then they'll want to

limit the child from using the cell phone There's no way As the situation is today I would tell you even if you want to use the cell phone use it but take it away from your child for the love of God But the thing is that this term Ivana was created precisely how to tell him to stop using it if he sees his mother and father using it all the time in the restaurant at lunch at dinner It's just that the problem, no, from my perspective, the problem doesn't live there because the child sees mother

and father drinking wine all the time not smoking going out alone takes the key goes in the car There is the adult world there is the child's world and it is separate Of course the problem is that if the bad father is on the cell phone she doesn't connect with the child she isn't watching watching the child And for her to stay on the cell phone she leaves the child on the cell phone Exactly So the cell phone has become I'm scared to see how much the cell phone has become an almost necessary tool to

educate a child nowadays Deeducate, right, they use it to educate Yes, but it is for But it ends up miseducating I know, I know But when you tell a mother to take off the screen, sometimes she gets desperate saying: "How am I going to do now With everything I have to do and I need a breather for my son So the cell phone keeps your son quiet so you have to deal with him And on top of that the cell phone is used to make your son do things he doesn't want Go take a shower

I don't want to I take the cell phone away from you if you don't take a shower And it works That's why I say ironically it has become the main tool for the mother and the father educates his son Yes Take a cell phone, keep quiet Until no objective Go take a shower There is no cell phone There is a cell phone, there is no cell phone The child is like this, soft, the cell phone Now take the cell phone out in the afternoon and you will see the real child What is it like for

a child who spends the whole day on a cell phone, take the cell phone out in the afternoon, do this? Saturday without a cell phone, you will see the reality that you have and you have to learn to deal with it and compose it You're just masking it You're just masking it It's like you get rid of the fever but the pneumonia is there One time will appear It's just that it's silent Most parents don't realize the damage they're doing And I think the worst damage is how much time a child loses in their life

to develop Because childhood is so small and it's the base of the tree Exactly Perfect Next Bru There's no point in schools banning cell phones and parents continuing to let them use them for 5 hours at a time at home Discord I think that at least at school children have a time to detox and have the opportunity to bond or realize how much it costs to bond. I think that the school has a function that is not just about content but is about socialization We are social beings and the school is the first stage where

children begin this process My daughter was commenting on me now, 13 years old, the school took away her cell phone, thank God, she was commenting on me inside the school. She was telling me, of course, that these children are all angry, of course, but they will quickly learn to do other things . relate What a thing because on WhatsApp you say something wrong someone comments you delete it you undo things and do what you want Do and undo It doesn't have much consequence And you say you can't see the person it's much easier for you

to say certain things She said live I say something that someone doesn't like and I See her face and she responds to me and I have to deal with all that and sometimes I just want to pay So our children are losing a lot of skills God that gives us help No, but it's working now, at least here in Rio, it's already the law that you can't use cell phones at school. I think this will end up being used in all states. I now think of this idea from my perspective that there's no point if

the father doesn't change from taking away his son's cell phone. I think it makes it even more comfortable. Hunger will fight with his brother No, but that's what I'm talking about, I think the big issue with the cell phone at the parents' house is the time when he would be interacting with this child, which is the same thing as at school Uhum Right, so I think that if that's the case, there has to be the right time for that, right, of course, otherwise not another limit Another limit You know, what moment is very good for

parents To notice when you take your child to class for something and you stay there because there's no time to go back and forth No Uhum A little time to class you stay there Don't stay on your cell phone Oh, there's nothing to do Stay on your cell phone and look at your son It makes such a big difference Watch the class, right watch He managed to do the somersault soon he'll look for it Exactly That your approval Mom's approval Yeah You're saying this I think it's beautiful I have a niece who has two children,

one aged seven and a boy aged four And she's a doctor on Duty Yeah t And she takes them swimming There are days when she stops to do this And whenever she takes them swimming, she always She's looking at a book that has to do with children and she says: "Enter a page and see the puppy, you're waiting exactly for this process, you know, he has to have the courage to come and play Miguel and the teacher says it and she sits there watching." This makes all the difference it makes a huge difference that the

most obese in the power they have because sometimes the most have the feeling that if my child is entertained then he doesn't need me he doesn't need approval The power that has to contemplate a child security of security approval that is done in the eye to eye of the child feels look at my mother I'm busy doing something and my mother still looks at me she likes she loves me It gives me self-esteem It's a wonderful dose of self-esteem Next Bru Ah This is what I found interesting from Crescer magazine 1/5 of couples separate before

the baby's first year You observe this observe Ivan observe Observe Yes I think it's like this the son he comes to bring a new, as they say, architecture for the family It has a name really from the family constellation a new system She comes he comes to bring a new system to the family right and changes the must change the places the priorities He comes to kill me with what I say In other words, because like that and I think sometimes I'm labeled old conservative but I think that when it arrives while there is no

child, it is the father It is a beautiful couple You our our individuality what we want what we don't want perfect pampering No when the baby is born or when the baby arrives this disposition changes and the father the man who becomes a father continues to have the mother as the woman as a priority So much so that many men when they separate from their wife lose contact with the child because the contact with the child is through the woman Yes So much so that in the womb the contact with the child the first contact

he has with the child is through the woman So for him the priority remains the woman, but for women the priority is the child at that moment Logical at that moment Imagine Exactly So it is a requirement of maturity for there to be this movement Conf No And men have to know that it is a phase, right it is a phase The mother the baby is totally dependent on the mother Notice a house your house catches fire What does the father do he runs out to pay for the fire What does the woman do take

the child Go get the children Her priority is not her husband Her priority is not to protect the house A her priority is her children She will go if there is no way out she will stay in a little room covering the children The husband will do what he will cover his wife he will save I understand Perfect So I think that when Cal doesn't understand this dynamic, right or not man because he continues to demand this attitude from the woman nor the woman because she doesn't accept this Attitude because she wanted to come back

here Wow, it's going to go wrong It's a lot of exhaustion Next Bru Exclusive research Nine out of 10 mothers suffer from parental burnout in Brazil Term that generally refers to exhaustion at work has similar effects in the domestic environment shows the unprecedented survey This thing about mothers' exhaustion, right , that what you said, if you don't understand that the role you have to assume has changed, right , there's something more because the relationship with the child is what it is. There's no way to be your priority It's you who has it in your belly,

it's you who gives the breast, it has to be your priority When the woman waits, now I've lost the answer No, because the term parental burnout is exactly those women who suffer exhaustion with motherhood So the child becomes your priority Just as you live for a child and the child is what gives you the greatest joy and the child is what puts you back together when you are Many women say, for example, I myself went through a very difficult process in my life, I stood up. because of my children I understand My children give me

strength Just as my children give me strength my children consume me It depends on the relationship you have with them So it seems to me that a woman after she becomes a mother she has to have a healthy relationship with her children Because if you don't have a healthy relationship with your children it consumes you and then you have no energy for anything else Exactly It can't be your children that are the reason for your exhaustion They have to be yours and your food I never get tired of my children's work Uhm Me I'm tired

of something, what am I going to do, I'm going to go with my children soon because there I get my shit together They feed me they give me strength It's the battery It's the battery So it could be the battery or it could be the hole in the penel or it could be the fur depending on the relationship you have discharging the battery resetting the battery Then you'll have to choose that's why women say that motherhood is exhausting because they feel this hole they don't understand the change, right ? to exercise It has to be

a choice and without giving in, stop resisting Exactly Surrender To motherhood Don't have a mother, don't have a mother Once a mother, mother forever Want more tea, don't you Still have it Thank you Reporter Pipim Pipim is this cute and friendly brain that is my son and is our mascot here at Pod People And he is always listening to good content And he gives voice to a community that we have called Sustainable Human Being which we have there today 2,500 people more or less that we nurture with all my online courses with information with articles

and there are many lay people and many professionals and they have the right precisely because they are from this community to send questions to the guests So 15 days before you come here we say hey, Ivana is going to come here, her Instagram is here, you go there, don't start following, look at everything and send the questions After the episode airs you can follow and relate, there's no problem So let's ask the questions they Let's go Let's go First of all, Ivana already called me Ivana, right? My niece has tantrums when she doesn't get what

she wants. How should parents act in these challenging moments ? right about the movement You have to understand what is triggering what is your relationship with that child what is it signaling Uhum Right, that's right But the tantrum is nothing more than an internal battle I want it God gave me the power to want Uh how incredible It's limited I can't What do you mean I want and I can't how exactly That's shocking The tantrum is nothing more than that this internal shock So when you start to see the tantrum as a battle that the

child is fighting, what will you be against the child? or in her favor you will fight with her too, which is what happens with an unresolved tantrum Resolved The child can't deal with the tantrum because she also has to deal with fear and helplessness with the violence of her father's mother So she can't give in to the tantrum When the child goes through the tantrum from the beginning to The end in my lives there I explain the whole process how it starts as a middle and an end When she goes through she learns a little

It's the learning process The next tantrum she'll have because your child won't learn the first time just like you won't either learned, she already knows better Exactly Next time she knows better You start to create self-tolerance You learn to give up Self control Exactly Perfect The devil of today my son Learning to give up is logical to learn to give up a wonderful tool Self-regulation He starts learning self-regulation Next Bru After a tiring day I end up losing patience with my children and feeling guilty This guilt makes many mothers give in too much And he

said it well about it Yes, right, the guilt So much so that it goes to to the opposite pole leaves everything Yes of course Guilt is actually a very good feeling It comes to alert you it comes to signal to you that there is something you need to change Exactly So my advice to those who feel guilt is don't dwell on it because guilt consumes you and puts you in a pit of victimization And There are people who love victimizing their mothers Tadinha She's tired guilty Adinha get up from there daughter because you don't deserve

this You may be a mother who isn't the reason for your tiredness is not your children Like me I said a while ago, right? You're tired from work, you regenerate with your children, you feed with your children. So understand why this guilt is signaling something that you still do and that you no longer want, that you want to change. Realize what it is. And that's where we arrive on the path of conscience. When you become aware of something, you have two choices . I was hitting the child What am I doing, I blame myself and

I stay there and I can't stop hitting or change that conscience becomes strength to make it happen No one does it for you, you have to do it I loved this phrase Don't delay your guilt It's dangerous Guilt is dangerous It doesn't delay you Where there is no love, it doesn't delay you, right that was Frida Calo, right that phrase That's Bruno knows everything I think the worst thing Is the people who are saying, right, you're a mother who feels guilt A mother is born a guilt No, you can't I agree with you Guilt is

not meant to be felt, it was supposed to be ex a warning sign Warning sign I noticed it changed Guilt goes away Something is not cool Exactly Perfect Imagine Next Bru How to help the child deal with frustrations frustration is the distance the distance between I want to be able to have and I can't Exactly It's just that distance The child just needs to shorten that distance The child can only work on shortening that distance by going through that So don't distract the child, don't avoid the pain they have to go through, don't distract the

pain, right? I see people when the child is frustrated, don't wait, I'll give you this here I'll give you this here Let him learn to self-regulate Just yesterday there wasn't a little baby, two years old He had a trip so I take my hat off to that father because he was the 100 % dedicated father. Situation that you don't want him to be tired of dealing with himself That's why I say, if you prevent your child from going through the pain of growing up, what's happening is what's happening, a lot of teenagers are incapable of

dealing with themselves and still with the impulse of freedom that adolescence is. It's chaos, that's chaos. Perfect chaos. Next Bru. What to do when my son challenges me and doesn't seem to respect my authority ? people The reference she will have of how to relating to people is yours So teach your child how you want to relate to how you want to be treated how he has to be treated teach a child he doesn't know So sometimes you taught your son, for example, to lack respect for you, not to listen to you, right, to attack

you, there are children who hit their mother You taught your son to do it this way When you, when you didn't make sure he knew that he couldn't do it, you accepted it, you understood, you didn't set limits at the Right time, you didn't set limits at the right time, you allowed, you pretended you didn't see accepted And this is a problem that women face, it's much bigger than just motherhood because women have this difficulty in feeling deeply and feeling that we have to respect ourselves, it's not that we have to respect ourselves deeply, self-respect,

right, perfect. So violence and aggression is a permission within us still somehow. So a child and if it's a boy, hitting a mother is unacceptable. It's unacceptable for anyone to hit you, but if a child is a boy, you can never accept it. You're raising a man who will think that's normal. My daughters they know the tone of voice because I am I am I like to be treated well They they they breathe when they talk to me the tone of voice everything But it's not because they are cute children it's because I taught them

Yes I want How do you treat your mother this way Treat the way I talk to you and the way I also want you to talk to me And no and it's not positive when you let it accumulate Like, my daughter spoke in the wrong way today but I was in a hurry Then then She spoke Again I understood When it stopped Hey, come back It takes work to show the child that tone of voice you used that in the afternoon I don't even know what it was anymore That tone of voice you used with

me you can't use Perfect Done You teach next Bru I work all day and I get home tired feeling like I didn't spend enough time with my children How to balance career and motherhood without burdening this weight of guilt, yes, just in the choice, right, if you want to gain something you have to let go of something, right, so these are choices, they are priorities Go having to do it every time you want to win something you need to let go of something Always to take a step you can't have everything , right ? The

size of your apartment the brand of your clothes It doesn't matter to him What makes a difference to your son is the quality time with his mother with his father with his loved ones the experiences he had Imagine I had an absent father but the day my father took me fishing and it makes me happy Oh I just talk and I'm happy to this day it brings me joy That moment one day that moment that was an hour Look at the power of an hour of presence in a person I'm happy every time I think

about it Got it Now if I had a bike if I didn't have a bike if So we have to review our priorities there Perfect Next Bru I'm afraid of talking about sexuality with my son in an inappropriate way How to approach this subject in a natural way and respecting his age tip return the question to the child Don't give information without knowing where his head is Mom what is sex what do you think sex is son I understand Perfect Mom how do you think you do with a son how do you even have a

son on my Instagram I posted this technique, thank God for it it expanded a lot because It's wonderful because then you know where the child's head is, you don't know how much information he can have, otherwise you fill his system with things he has no idea about And our head sees it, ours sees it much more, and the child's head Then it was very beautiful because some people commented especially when she asked the Virgin: "Mom, what is a Virgo?" And then the mother asked: "What do you think?" And she said, "I don't know, don't accept

it It was written." Have you ever thought that catastrophes if the mother didn't return the question I don't know don't accept Say Virgo what is it, look what danger it would lead to, understand, so always research like this Virgin of olive oil People, I use this technique not only for subjects that are difficult for adults because this is difficult because adults have a history with this but for everything But why doesn't the star fall from the sky damn but it won't explain it to a 5 year old child Truth Beyond the aade Exactly What do

you think son Why doesn't the star fall from the sky oh it must be glued with that good glue you bought the other day It's because they are like that they are concrete Exactly This tip is wonderful Return the question Return the question This is very good Next Bru This saves lives right it saves lives Saves lives My son is entering adolescence and sometimes I feel like he wants more autonomy How can I balance the freedom he wants with the limits he still needs perfect wonderful Freedom and responsibility go together That's why your boss has

much more freedom than you in the company I understand Perfect Because he has much more responsibility Of course He has to pay everyone The employee always complains about the boss Ah he has freedom he arrives late Ah that is the boss's responsibility So as a teenager she in adolescence it is natural for an impulse to free herself to happen Why because he is getting ready to leave home He needs to free himself and a lot of other things happen along with this process He stops seeing God in his mother in his father he falls, finally

he begins to become an adult the transition to adult life It begins and in order to leave home it needs to be the mother is disidentified from the father So she really needs to stop idolizing all of that The father and mother have to bother, right, if it's comfortable, I won't leave the house If it's uncomfortable, I'll leave the house So it's natural for teenagers to have an impulse for freedom What happens is that the way we've been educating our children, this impulse for freedom that they have has no basis, no ground, because they have

no responsibility My question is: "Your 15-year-old son makes his breakfast, washes his clothes, tidies up his fourth is he already thinking about some work he made money to buy chin or sneakers I don't know what he wanted what responsibilities does your son have?" Oh no he studies Girl a child has so much energy he can if you work he takes care of children I don't know what and is and is and is an adult doesn't have so much energy anymore than any child who spends three days at a party non-stop Exactly It's not because he

studies that he can't So he starts handing the child small responsibilities because he let's say a child who was so spoiled that he never took a sneaker scrubbed a plate You have no idea Wake up and the morning coffee is there So start delivering one little thing a week Just one thing a week No, don't say: "Ah, I found Ivana, it made sense, Son. From today onwards, everything will be washed, ironed and cooked. " which is so important he needs it so much because it's the moment So balance these two things Limits it's the same

thing as always except that now at 15 years old your son needs you Now let's talk I'll explain it to you No with five with 15 Exactly Now he understands more Explains conversation makes agreements Exactly He already has a sense of time he has a sense of agreement of right and wrong that if you did everything right he already has all the notions for a conversation as equals My daughter said 9 years old I don't even consider her a teenager already more than Yes But since she lives with me she still respects this dependence I

still depend on you mom So maybe I'm going to a party I don't know She's not going to the party but what can she say I'm going to São Paulo She told me I'm going to São Paulo on a certain date and I don't know when I'll be back I can't you can go but there has to be a return date Go Back Exactly I knew where you 're going to stay, right? Then she looks at me and says: "Why should I go there and talk? Until that day I said: "No now I can't talk

to you In the afternoon we'll have this we'll talk I explained everything my reasons why but it's not an explanation to ask if he agrees it's an explanation for him to understand mine trying to understand my reasons because you'll only understand your mother when you have a child Forget it, it's not when you're 15 that you'll understand your mother trying to understand my reasons and I listen to your position because maybe I'll change something At 5 years old No my daughter, mother, I can't Why because her mother didn't let me Because my mother doesn't want

to Mom didn't leave my love That's why you can't This is the real reason why you can't Exactly Next Bru What to do when grandparents or other family members interfere in the way I educate my children, it's just like the social networks we're talking about When someone interferes in the way the child is yours When someone from the family interferes in the way you're educating your child, it's because they Think they're better than you, more capable than you because they see insecurity in you If this interference bothers you, it's because in fact you are insecure

So try to feel a little more secure But this is how you can feel more secure in relation to the education of your first child, for example you will feel insecure, it's your first child you will have doubts How can you gain security in insecurity accept that you will have doubts that you will be afraid to make decisions but give yourself the right to educate your child and learn from your mistakes Other people will only impact you if you need to be impacted a lot with a lot of doubt with a lot of insecurity So

instead of attacking people, fight with them. Grandma and I don't know how much I don't know what, stay at peace with yourself OK, that's a mother, we have an idea that a mother can't make mistakes Oh, I'm going to raise a child without trauma, forget it Oh, I can't make mistakes And this idea knows where it comes from, I'm a student of these things at school Making mistakes gets a grade of zero Yes Er Imagine you, a human being is born stupid, you're going to make mistakes, you don't know what you need to keep learning

Exactly You have your first child, you've never been a mother, you don't know There's a second one, it's never been more than a second one There's a third one it was never more than a third party You will always be learning So learning learning doesn't exist if you don't know If you don't know you will always make mistakes Only then will you know So it's a denial that we have from my perspective of the error of life of life of life that life is this You want to be perfect what is that do you know

someone who doesn't make mistakes that perfect is impossible This person is already dead I think this person is no longer among us I think as long as we have both feet here it's because we are learning Person is not among us us If you're learning you're going to make mistakes So the relationship you have with error is based on something you probably learned at school that your mother also learned your grandmother also learned that denies pass the nature of evolution It's very absurd But that's exactly what you're saying I totally agree Making mistakes is necessary

and navigating too Continue later Next Bru How to teach my son to be more collaborative with homework without having to ask All the time that's what we were talking about, right, you're going to have to teach it a few times many times until it becomes a habit Until it becomes a habit But things like put your coat away there, do this I don't know what Now doing things to collaborate you will always be there depending on the child's temperament but normally you will always have to be guiding your child to do it because he in

himself , being a human being is self-centered and selfish, isn't it? We say like this: "Oh, I'm very supportive" Why, because it's good for me to be supportive It's always going to come from me A child doesn't even know that the other exists yet Exactly She's very central So you'll always have to occupy your place as a mother and she said ask You're not going to ask your son, you're going to order it You're going to order it to be done like this without violence Without violence It's that thing you're going to wash your panties

in the bathroom The problem is that the mother wants a bath, ask for it When I think of something, you give me this glass of water, I can or can't, that's exactly It's an option If I ask, you'll have a yes or no, but the mother wants to ask for it. expectation that the child responds to what she wants to hear Look what a journey Why do we Put ourselves in this stressful situation is to hand me the glass of water It's an order Give me the glass of water please my son Exactly Exactly To

be polite But it's a polite and non- violent order Exactly It's that you don't have to be violent to put order Exactly People have this difficulty Next Bru My son confessed that he skipped class and at the time I didn't know how to react How can I deal with this situation in a balanced way correcting the mistake without him losing the confidence to open up to me in the future what makes us lose the confidence to open up to someone is judgment If you are open to listening to me if you receive anything I share

with you without judging me I will never lose trust in you Got it So just stop judging That must have been a teenager, right ? excerpt that shows exactly how this separation works this break in a relationship with a teenager loses trust The teenager closed himself off from me No you closed yourself off from him I always like to invert things Come on, assume it You closed yourself off You closed yourself off because it hurts to hear the new the new perspective You're so attached to your time Pre no And he's a pre-adult So he's

going to tell you things you don't want to hear he's going to talk about sex you don't care if your son is going to have sex he's going to make a point of thinking differently than you because he has who disidentifies with you in order to leave the house It's a whole a scam it's a whole story Right but now I'm lost What I wanted to talk about when he lets himself out was that if he feels confident You said that in reality he stops talking to you when he doesn't feel welcomed Only when he

feels judged Judged Exactly Ah the excerpt from the da The excerpt from the series from the teenage series that the teenager was in a very bad way a teenage girl in a very bad way because she died best friend and then came I don't know if it was the psychologist or the teacher and said she was angry, hitting I don't know what she said, you open it up for me and tell me the teenage girl that teenagers are crazy about being able to talk to adults If you Came the number of children who write to

me 14 15 years old I get goosebumps Ivana I want so much to talk to my mother but it's impossible Oh oh it breaks my heart that because they are alone forever and in great need of guidance Then the therapist or the teacher said: "Will you open it for me?" The girl for some reason opened up and said: "I feel really bad because my friend who was the only one who really understood me died" And then the teacher says: "No, you have a lot of people who like you, a lot of people who understand you

It's over Teenager got up and left Don't listen to me, don't understand me You don't, you didn't qualify her complaint It's what she's feeling Exactly And so if someone is telling you that my friend was the only one who understood me, you have to understand what pain girl having lost this one, who will know better than her, no You didn't validate that pain If you didn't validate it, you don't trust anymore And that's what we do a lot, mothers do that a lot because we don't want to face our pain Imagine you have a son

there saying: "Mom, I'm rejected, no one likes me at school" No, daughter, what She said hurts No, daughter, you are, you are loved Look, daddy loves you, mom too So you want to be comforted and it is and you don't validate that pain Think of yourself When you There's a very strong problem, sad, go find someone to talk to that person who listens to you Surely And believes, right? Perfect Next Bru Ah, we've arrived at our moment Pipinho What is the pipinho moment? The whole team listened to our conversation here and selected key pieces, phrases

or to complete phrases or words that I'm going to throw at you Whatever comes to your mind, you give it back, it doesn't need to be anything elaborate Ok Ok Now, if nothing comes up, step No problem Ah, step That's the step No problem at all Oh how fun There are 10 items Let's go One family love Two education responsibility Three love Family Coherent Coherent Four Complete the sentence Being a mother is an adventure that's what came to me I'm an adventure with no return An adventure If you play, you play I loved this Eh

five If you had the super power and could give me something in the world what would you change would you give awareness Six Happiness joy Seven Complete the sentence: A time for me is silence Eight Purpose of life salvation Nine overcoming Commitment E 10 You're good, right, man, man, I'm just letting my head respond No but she is present She is present 10 A sentence or a thought that you would like to leave behind I think it is the most important Life is only one At least if we remember consciously it is short My grandmother

said it is fast it is short And I think that at the very least we deserve to live it in a good way Living life in a good way is never about something external it is about something internal So feeling good about yourself feeling loved being yourself freeing yourself being yourself having the courage to love yourself I think that any human being who freeing yourself from being yourself can only be good for other people I think it's perfect my dear I loved it It was a pleasure a pleasure even though we can have other meetings

And now that time has come for little gifts Look, it's time for the inner child to jump around oh She was well behaved here There isn't it but it can stay Here is a book I wrote during the pandemic which Is Felicidade It's signed with your little name Of course Oh how cool Thank you so much And there's one here which was the last book from the end of last year which is a time for me which is a book of 365 phrases that you can pick up at any time open at any time it's

like the one you concentrate on opens and makes perfect sense Exactly Or follow the day if you want to follow the day if you don't want to follow the day which are phrases I always wake up very early 6 am and I stay in bed between 6 and 6:40 like this, always trying to see what I learned the day before what the day has in store for me I have this moment of mine and at these times phrases often come into my head and I write it down And when I went seeing there were 400

or so sentences, I said: "I'm going to take 365 and I'm going to make some time for myself, which is 10 minutes of mental self-care for us." You know I do the same thing but at night I do it in the morning at night I always say something to my brain like today I'm not going anymore I'm going to let you rest I've lived everything I had to live I have this problem to solve You'll see what you have on file Tomorrow morning I'm sure You'll give me something good back I bet on my brain

I treat my brain as if it were my son Mom I bet on you Tomorrow morning something good will come He sends my my brain it works better at night Then the next morning it only works after coffee So there's no point I get up happy I'm like this Here's a little bracelet with a time for me written on it for us to remember us It's for us to remember us And wait, what's more It's not over It's not over We have an ecobag here It's with pipinho My daughters are going to date this one

I think It's with pipinho that we have our purpose here, right, make it happen and inspire because I think we're here to inspire people and your work is inspiring a lot of people Can people, I went There you have a little notebook in here to put all your projects, ok and we also have it, you can let the children organize it all for you Oh yes And we have here, how beautiful is a little mug for you to drink your tea to drink your coffee You have to take the recipe for this tea for real

We are going to make this tea Perfect, right, then I'll come and get it here We will definitely Deliver it We will Pipinho's guests become family Thank you Now my love is that moment when I want you to be rude Don't look at me Just look at that camera there and give all your messages Just take the microphone Message from the message where they can find you or the question about your courses and your channel So for those who stayed and listened to me, they were super excited saying: "I also want to enjoy my motherhood,

I refuse to live a chaotic motherhood until the end of time." They were very touched by what I said. They saw that it is capable which is, it is possible for you to live a simple, uncomplicated light motherhood and enjoy it which is the most important thing of all You can find me on Instagram Ivana Shaureg It's difficult to say but you will be subscribed Sign up so we will also put it on my Instagram There you will find a lot of free content a lot of free content in addition to the My Plena method

which is an organized method for those who want to make progress for six weeks dive in and make the transformation and that's it Those who can't use this method are paid for those who can't afford it, stay On my Instagram and reap because there are thousands more to transform into motherhood for free too So that's it I hope you there with great joy as always Thank you very much my dear Dear ones we are finishing another episode of Pipo and today it was with this dear Ivana Jaureg If you don't know I suggest you start

following @ivana_line there are two_line Jaureg You go on Instagram to find out because you deserve it You who are a mother who is desperate full of guilt it's time for you to change that game You who are someone who knows a mother who is taking motherhood with this weight indicates share this chat of ours that will do a lot of good for this person If you are coming to the channel, don't forget to subscribe, press the bell to receive all the news and share it with many people with all the women you know that after

all we are all will be or are mothers of the heart and we will be mothers of the world of everyone It's so good, right, we can exercise our motherhood with everything that's out there Here in the Pu de Pipa community we believe that knowledge is the only way to real empowerment Thank you very much and see you in the next pod people