hello and welcome to Lost Love Chronicles I am Roy in my life my happiness level has gone from as low as minus 10 when my father died to plus 10 when I met Jane my future wife she looked like a younger version of the actress Jennifer Connelly I was instantly smitten with her Jane's father had died shortly before I met her and I understood why her happiness level was then at a minus 10 Jane was the prettiest girl I'd ever even talked to much less dated I watched his other guys try to speak to her
but soon left for reasons unknown to me the fact that she spoke to me that day at the cafeteria at Temple University was the most exciting moment in my life up until that time exceeded only by The Joy at our wedding and the birth of our two children Bill and Phil after a month of dating we became intimate both of us had sex first time in our lives I had no one else to compare to Jane to be honest she wasn't passionate in bed once when things were going well in bed she said she had
to stop because she was losing control I thought that was the whole purpose of being intimate she would only receive affection not give it at first I thought our intimate life would get better because we were inexperienced then Jane convinced me that women who were just over the top eager and excited about sex existed only in adult movies not real life I believed her again what did I know I lunched with co-workers who complained that their wives will only have intimacy once or twice a week with them I never let on how jealous I was
of that much loving my wife would I guess you could say submit maybe once a month I was so exhausted from working and taking care of the house and my kids that after a while I stopped complaining I was the Frog who found out he was in boiling water much too late to do anything about it rivet I'm not that smart tall handsome or athletic but I'm funny I was doing standup comedy at local comedy clubs I devoted my time to making Jane laugh and about 10% of the time I succeeded for the first two
months of our relationship I thought she was getting over the sadness and constant crying for her father's death I was wrong it was just temporary perhaps because of the novelty of dating someone madly in love with her who devoted every waking hour to trying to make her happy what I didn't understand at the time was that Jane had been in depression since childhood when her parents divorced it was a horrible and contentious divorce and Jane never recovered from the trauma her mental happiness could go down to minus 10 but never Rose above zero she cried
all the time long before the death of her father I was 18 years old and to be generous to myself I understood nothing about life in general or women in particular despite the passage of years I still have no understanding understanding of women I believe that if I worked hard enough I could cheer Jane up permanently as I said I'm not that smart it took me years to finally comprehend despite date nights flowers and frequent presents and not stop compliments that Jane would never be happy no matter what I did she almost never laughed and
rarely smiled I on the other hand overcompensated and tried to be extra funny around the house for the sake of our children and my own sanity I was their primary caregiver their births were two of the happiest days of my life unfortunately those births didn't make my wife happy after the birth of each of our sons my wife went into a postpartum depression and I took care of feeding and diaper changing Jane stayed up all night watching TV or online with a toy enjoying herself with which she pretty much replaced me I told her how
devastated I felt to be replaced by a toy it seemed she didn't care about my feelings because she didn't respond she slept until at least noon so making the kids breakfast dressing them and taking them to school was my job I begged her to go to a psychologist or a marriage counselor but she refused she taunted that if I didn't like her frame of mind I could divorce her she complained that I was always trying to cheer her up and not acknowledge that she didn't want cheering up I loved her too much to leave her
but I had another reason to remain in the marriage I was afraid that if I did divorce her and she won custody of our children it would emotionally destroy them so I stayed my happiness was not as important to me as the happiness and well-being of my children several times I tried to talk myself out of loving her but I failed I love her too much to give up I know that's neurotic Behavior but most comedians are a little neurotic the best ones I've met are totally insane I begged Jane to see a shrink to
prescribe anti-depressants but she refused I think she was afraid that they might work she preferred to wallow in her misery and indulge in what she called shopping therapy at the local mall she spent most of her waking hours there claiming that it was the only activity and location that made her happy later I would understand why she now own more shoes than Aela Marcos the wife of the former president of the Philippines ever did it never dawned on me that she she could be having an affair with anyone or anything except her toy there were
no girls nights out she was home every night for our 10th wedding anniversary I plan a surprise weekend for all of us at Disney World I was sure that would cheer up my wife they call it the happiest place on Earth and I thought it might pull her out of her funk for at least a few days I came home from a hard day at work excited about telling my family about the trip next week hoping for a hug and a kiss only to find my wife crying after I told her it happened at least
once a week she could not articulate any reason for her constant sadness I lost it years of compassion and empathy hadn't worked and now I was Furious you're cry about going to Disney World you must be out of your mother loving mind you have a husband and two children who love you we're all in good health we have food on the table and a roof over our heads what the hell is wrong with you what do you want what will it take to make you smile at me when I come home from work and hug
me or act like you're glad to see me or show me some appreciation for supporting you and our children I was Furious and didn't want a children to see me like this so I stormed out of the house I didn't go to a CD bar to get drunk which I think is what a husband is supposed to do in a situation like this I retreated to my favorite restaurant where I stuffed my face with two Big Macs and enough french fries to feed a small army of children and an apple pie which I wash down
with a caramel ice frappe which to me beats a beer any day of the week you can keep all your expensive michelene rated restaurant the only food I enjoy more when I'm stressed out than a Big Mac is a pizza I'm not what you might call a gourmet I return return home with happy meals for our children Bill and Phil Jane took me by the hand and led me to our bedroom away from the children Roy it's your fault that I'm always so sad and depressed being with you brings me down I'm sure if I
left you I'd feel much happier I'm not in love with you I'm not sexually attracted to you I never was I settled for you because no other guy would put up with my depression and constant crying I never wanted to have children I think that the only way I can be joyful is to leave you and the children I found a man who excites me and makes me feel happy and whole he's the kind of man I need he doesn't want children either I must follow my dream to me it sounded more like a nightmare
it felt like my wife fired one barrel of a 12 gauge over under shotgun loaded with double a buck shot straight into my stomach I ran to the bathroom and vomited up all the french fries I had just eaten along with the two Big Macs apple pie and of course the caramel ice frappe I curled up into a ball next to the toilet as I wondered how my life could have turned into such a catastrophe and wondered how my sons and I would survive when I finally dragged myself upright washed my face and gargled with
some mouthwash I walked back into our bedroom my wife was packing two large suitcases I instantly felt like she had fired the second barrel of a shotgun into my stomach and raced back to the toilet I had no food left inside me but suffered through 10 minutes of the dry heaths the mirror revealed that my face was Ash and white which came as no surprise I walked back into the bedroom to discover that my wife and her two suitcases were gone I was dizzy and struggled down the staircase holding on to the banister so I
wouldn't follow my face Jane's car was gone her wedding ring cell phone and house keys were on the kitchen table next to the Happy Meal Phil my youngest son was still eating as he played with the toy that came with it my oldest son bill was crying his face was red as if he'd been hit mommy doesn't love us anymore she left and said she isn't coming back I grabbed onto her leg and tried to stop her but she slapped me pushed me away and told me to leave her alone will you leave us too
well Phil and I have to live in an orphanage he said through his tears no I replied I'll never leave you I said as I hugged both of my sons tightly what kind of mother could do that to her own child or any child but even so I hop that my wife would return in a day or so and try to make things right at least with our children she didn't I canceled her credit cards to force her to return but she didn't later I would discover that when her father died he left her a
ton of money which she never told me about she had enough money to survive for years without my financial help it would have been nice if she had used some of that money during all these years to help her family financially so I wouldn't have had to work so much overtime I now realized that she had wanted me to work overtime so she didn't have to spend time with me I guess I didn't have the slightest clue as to who my wife really was I guess you could say I was blind because as the song
goes when I saw her I was looking through the eyes of love I contacted her friend and family they two were in the dark only her mother promised to inform me of anything she learned about her daughter as she apologized for the the way her daughter treated me and especially our children she was afraid that I would prevent her from seeing her grandchildren but I wouldn't do that I told her no one beside her mother had heard from her since she left but no one was surprised the consensus was that I was an idiot not
to understand that she had always been crazy or at least clinically depressed I couldn't argue my own mother who's also a little crazy did however come through like a champ and came over every day after school to take care of the kids until I returned from work I learned from my mother-in-law that my wife had a boyfriend named Dennis for the past 2 months before she left me he was a handsome 40-year-old with silver hair and a tan face who called himself an actor his sole acting credit was a commercial for false teeth made 10
years earlier his day job was selling women's shoes which was how he met Jane and why she was always at the mall shopping or sneaking out to his apartment a block away from the mall two weeks after she left me her attorney served me with divorce papers she didn't want any money she agreed to pay me child support and sign over her share of the house to me and wave her parental rights the divorce wouldn't be final for a few months I still hope that my wife might reconcile with me or at least our children
I phon Her Lover from what must have been the last pay phone in Los Angeles it was at the Union Train Station downtown I didn't want the call to be traced back to me I asked Dennis if he knew what Jane's husband looked like he said he didn't good I replied then if you keep screwing my wife you won't recognize me when I sneak up on you with a baseball bat and Bash you in your handsome face ending your acting career then I hung up a week later I learned from Jane's mother that Dennis broke
up with her saying that she wasn't worth the risk his face was his fortune he claimed considering that he acted in only one commercial in 20 years he was as seriously diluted as Jane even if he was talented trying to nurture an acting career in Philadelphia makes as much sense as moving to Florida for the skiing or mountain climbing I'm not a shrink but I think their primary attraction to one another was their ability to ignore reality and live in a dream world fantasy I guess my wife couldn't stand the work and responsibility of taking
care of house and children that's called real life and it was something Jane and her lover wanted to avoid at all costs sure sometimes even the best kids can be trying but while my children hug me and tell me they love me it makes my life wonderful and keeps me going through the hard times in life how could Jane not understand that or more importantly feel that according to her mother Jane had nervous breakdown after Dennis left her she was alone and just as sad as she'd ever been the excitement of her clandestine love affair
had worn off even before Dennis dumped her I had half hope that if the bloom was off her love affair she might come home yes I still loved and missed her but my greatest concern was the effect her abandonment was having on our children they sulked around the house and their teachers were concerned about their behavior their grades dropped and Phil was acting up and getting into fights with the other kids who called his mother bad names there are a lot of negative things I could say about my mother but she is smart and never
mines words when I complained to her that I had done everything right as a husband and didn't understand what went wrong she quickly answered everything went wrong because the woman you met married was wrong everyone but you saw this coming from day one emotionally she has always been a basket case believe me it takes on to no one then my mother gave me a hug no matter how old I'll ever become there will never be anything as therapeutic as a hug for my mother my mother was only 16 when she gave birth to me I
have friends who have siblings with a great age span between them her boyfriend my father did the right thing they remain married until his death by a heart attack many years later being married to my mother wasn't easy for my father sometimes he would complain how self-centered and narcissistic she was but he always stood by her and loved her with all his heart until his last breath like father like son I suppose several months later Jane hooked up with a graduate college student who she met in group therapy he was easy to deal with I
phoned him and said I was from the Center for Disease Control and had to inform him that his girlfriend Jane may have infected him with goria and that he needed to be tested surprisingly he broke up with her that day Jane however never reached out to the children or me for Solace we were no longer a part of her world I didn't understand how a mother could abandon her children like this maybe they were better off without her I wasn't sure a few months later I was officially divorced the children and I saw Sandy a
psychologist once a week and I sent the bill to my ex-wife's lawyer which he promptly paid Sandy made me realize that Jane was a mirror image of my sad depressed mother I was so naive that I married a woman just like my neurotic mother that must make me crazier than either of them one night I was serving my kids dinner when I realized that today would have been my wedding anniversary all the tears that I had kept inside burst out I couldn't control my crying I was ashamed to act like this in front of my
sons I sat down with my head in my hands Bill my oldest son put his hands on my shoulders and kissed the back of my head you always told me that if I fall off a horse I must get back on you do too it's time to accept that Mom is never coming back and I don't want her to she's hurt me too much you need to find another woman and get on with your life in ours we need a mother as much as you need a wife out of the mouths of babes I thought
I wiped away some of my Tears where am I going to find a woman who wants me I'm a divorced overweight out of shape loser who couldn't hang on to his wife no you're not you just need to lose a few pounds you were a great husband and you're still a great father you're just a little out of shape my son then dragged me into the garage where under a tarp and some snow chains we found a weight bench I hadn't used in years with the help of both of my Sons we dragged it into
the den and I began project Reclamation and renewal the hardest part of the project was replacing fast food with healthy salats I can't even drive past a McDonald's without craving a Big Mac 8 weeks and 10 lbs later I had noticeable bigger if not giant biceps and apps I wouldn't win a Mr America contest but I was a sight better looking than a month before part two of Bill's plan was for me to show up at afternoon School pickup 10 minutes early and chat up all the single mothers while we waited in the car pool
line for our children I'm I made some friends and conversations soon revolved around our various divorces I eliminated those women who were still too angry to be rational and those taking medication for depression which unfortunately was most of them which anti-depressants worked best was a number one topic of conversation the two major schools of thought were Prozac or effector I listened to numerous debates as to which was better from overindulge spoiled housewives in the car pool line I don't know if it was true but they all agreed that those two drugs lower their sex drives
but they unlike their ex-husbands didn't see to mind I met two widows Susan and Tammy who weren't on anti-depressants and seemed sweet Susan's husband died in a rock Tammy's husband died of cancer I liked both and couldn't choose between them until Susan who understood my indecision and dilemma told me to date Tammy because Susan was moving to California at the end of the school year so her children would be closer to their grandparents Susan became my dating coach she took me clothes shopping to the mall and as she slipped on the escalator I grabbed her
hand I didn't let go and we held hands like teenagers as we walked through the mall I hadn't felt this happy since since I married Jane I loved our time together my current wardrobe was too large because of my weight loss Susan recommended a new Barber and a new hairstyle she gave me a list of things not to talk about on a date with Susan's encouragement I asked Tammy out for a dinner date Susan bought me a new neck tie to wear for good luck my date with Tammy was a catastrophe after a barrage of
questions about how much I earned and what I owned she gave me a list she printed up on PowerPoint of what she expected from her next husband financially at first I laughed because I thought she was joking she wasn't I felt like I was applying for a long she wasn't looking for a partner about a paycheck she wanted a rich second husband like her Idols the Kardashians that was it for me I told her that I rented my home and had no money which Rel lies but that ended all interest she had in me I
brought her home early and phoned Susan with a play byplay then I surprised myself and blurted out Susan I love the time we spent together I have strong feelings for you please don't move away I think we could be good for each other and our kids Susan began crying I had two months to change her mind about moving we made a dinner day for the next night at a romantic restaurant called Chuck-E-Cheese okay so maybe it wasn't the most romantic restaurant in town but since neither of us could get a babysitter on such short notice
it was perfect for our kids I felt like I'd known Susan my whole life we hated the same music movies and food and especially the Kardashians if we get married you must swear that you'll never make boiled chicken I was serious it was all that my mother ever made and I gagged just thinking about it Susan agreed but only if I never made her eat broccol my two sons ignored Susan's two daughters it could have been worse they might have hated each other we dated for a month before we were intimate it was worth the
wait the excitement and anticipation made the event off the charts exciting the fact that we'd both been celibate for quite a while may have helped I was shocked and speechless at the difference between intimacy with Susan and Jane it was then that I realized that though Jane passively lay there and allowed me to be intimate with her she never made love to me I felt like a man dying of thirst in the desert who was just found an oasis filled with all the cool drinking water he could ever want I knew that I had finally
found the right woman I realized that marrying the first girl I'd ever slept with was a major mistake if I had known which end was up sexually I never would have married Jane because I would have understood that she was sexually frigid and in many other ways she was a lost CA in my defense I was only 18 when we met and not a very right or experienced 18 a few nights later I phoned Susan to cancel our date because Phil broke his leg falling off a swing in the playground and we were at the
hospital to get a cast put on he was in a lot of pain we returned home to find that Susan used her key to come in and made dinner for both of our families she brought a marker so we could all sign Phil's cast Phil curled up in Susan's arms and cried because of the pain he was in despite the painkillers he took I didn't feel jealousy that he sought comfort in Susan's arms instead of mine only gratitude I cried because now my children had a great woman in their lives who loved and cared for
them in a way their birthmother never did that night Susan slept in bed with Phil because he asked her to she carried him to the bathroom several times that night and sang to him so he could go back to sleep I slept on the living room couch and her daughters slept in my room I realized that the best thing that Jane ever did for us was to abandon us so we could meet Susan some nurturing women like Susan are natural-born mothers and wives and they will never change no matter what and some like Jane are
not and that will never change either two days later during dinner at our special romantic restaurant Chuck eat cheese with Susan and her kids my sons and I each got down on one knee and asked her to marry all of us Susan cried as she shook her head no I was devastated and my sons began crying Susan put her arms around all three of us she told us that she loved us and wanted to spend the rest of her life with us but couldn't marry me she and her daughters received veterans death benefits which she
was saving to put her girls through college her benefits would terminate if she married before she was in herth s but that wouldn't stop us from living together a month later when the lease on Susan's apartment was up she and her daughters moved in with my family my boys now had to share Bill's room while their new sisters would share Phil's old room of course there was a lot of complaining but they all soon got over it when I equipped each bedroom with a big screen TV and Xbox to make my new stepdaughters feel at
home Susan and I placed photos of the girls with their mother and late father in the living room and dining room my sons insisted on removing all the photos of their biom mom from the walls of our house life was more than good I invited my former mother-in-law over for dinner and she and Susan HD it off my mother-in-law was happy that her grandchildren had such a warm woman to love and care for them she understood what a failure her own daughter had been when it came to showing love and warmth to the boys I
guess my former mother-in-law brought Jane up to date on our lives because a week later I answered the doorbell and found my ex-wife Jane standing there with a suitcase in each hand there was no love or warmth in my heart what do you want I barked she began I've been no happier without you than I was with you I miss how you took care of me I want to come home she pleaded she never mentioned missing or loving me or our children it was still only about her and what she wanted that was the moment
when I realized how self-centered and narcissistic she had always been I hadn't fallen in love with the real Jane but with a fictional version that had existed only in my imagination for all those years no way I blurted out Susan came up behind me and I explained who the crying woman in the doorway was Susan shook hand invited her in and then Susan called for my sons to come to the door your mother is here she yelled up the stairs Phil and bill came down the stairs slowly it was the first time I could remember
when they didn't race down the stairs two steps at a time this was the first time they'd seen Jane since she abandoned us they were frightened and hid behind Susan as their bill mom got down on her knees and held open her arms to hug them they backed away from Jane but I'm your mother Jane pleaded a real mother would never abandon her children Bill screamed out though his tears as he held Susan's hand you never loved us or acted like our mother Susan loves us and we love her she acts like our mother treats
us like our mother and loves us like she's our real mother so she really is our mother now not you Dad we love Susan please don't let your ex-wife ruin this for us he said as he pointed to my ex-wife to whom he refused to call his mother Susan doesn't sit around all day feeling sorry for herself crying like you always did she's too busy doing things for us we're happier without you go away and leave us alone as Jane Rose and turned I couldn't resist one final word with her as tears stream down her
face look on the bright side now you finally have a legitimate reason to be sad and to cry dear listeners sending loads of love to Ronald Burns for his contribution and to all our listeners thank you for being part of this literary Journey with us you can check out Ron's work at Amazon and we have shared the links in the description box below if you want to share your work with us please send your work at the email mentioned in the description box and we will publish it for our listeners at lost love Chronicles please
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