you can put your elbows on the table and that fell so i'm reading his body language which is saying that sucked and so we go right back to it i'm joe navarro author former fbi agent and this is body language support [Music] at erica destiny asks why does eye contact intimidate the out of me well the fact is that it's not just you a lot of us are intimidated by eye contact and in fact all primates avoid making too much eye contact with each other apes will look at the alpha he has the ability to
look over everybody but everybody else tries to avoid making too much of a direct eye contact and we humans are much the same when the eye contact is too direct too intense it is intimidating and this is something that obviously poker players have used for decades to intimidate each other it really creates a subconscious instability that often drives them to change their behavior because they're not aware that they're being intimidated at a subconscious level here's a question from at like sliced pear can i contact and long silent gases be love language cause when it comes
to courtship when it comes to dating most of the decisions that we make is non-verbally and eye gaze behavior is very powerful when we are in the presence of someone we enjoy it can certainly be indicative of i like this person very much and i would certainly pay close attention to it so on to the next question it comes to us from a friend of mine at eric gallard hey joe what do you think about people who take off their glasses in the middle of a meeting interview or on important points that's a great question
and it often manifests in different ways sometimes people take the glasses off and they rub the bridge of the nose or they may massage the back of the ear where the the glasses rest and that is to accommodate themselves they may also take their glasses off to uh pacify you'll often see people put them in their mouths as as they're thinking this is no different than a pacifier other people use it almost like a baton to demark a point as they're talking while others are using it basically to create novelty to get other people's attention
at ezra hamod asks how do i improve my poker face the easiest way to improve your poker face is something that i taught phil hellmuth a long time ago just keep in mind you can improve your poker face but now your poker body so sometimes we'll reveal things somewhere in our body but put your elbows on the table bring your thumbs together and you perch your chin on the thumbs and then you interlace the fingers and they block your mouth you look straight ahead but slightly down and what happens is you virtually disappear because there's
nothing there for anyone to see so after a while people will avoid looking at you because there's nothing new there there's no novelty at sci suburb asks my question is when you see the eye twitch of irritation how do you use body language to help the other person feel more comfortable without directly addressing the fact that you saw them appear irritated a lot of times we display discomfort through our eyes we'll squint we may look away we may cover the eyes when something is is bothering us and the easiest way to make other people more
comfortable without saying anything is to move slightly away and angle yourself humans tend to approach each other directly what we don't realize is that this actually minimizes face time the closer we get the more intense the look this can act as an irritant one of the best things that we can do anytime is when we approach each other and we we sense that there's some sort of irritation or psychological discomfort is always to move back and then always angle yourself so that you're looking at each other at angles rather than directly this whether you're in
business or in interpersonal relationships this actually minimizes face time where by angling this increases face time because it contributes to psychological comfort at jessica basic to ask is duping delight then pretending to experience the light or is it like narcissistic smirk so in 1986 paul ekman coined the term duping the light and basically what that looks like is you have this little smirk on your face like you're getting away with something i would say it's like showing off you can take great pleasure in getting away with something but when you exercise duping the light it's
uh it's sort of like telling the world yeah i got away with it so here we have a question from at artemis moongod and he asks are there body language differences among different cultures do people of different countries display different body language cues yes in other cultures they say hello differently we tend to wave our hands high and above in other cultures they may do it more subtly we tend to say oh everything's okay and yet in other cultures that's considered a phallic symbol so they don't do the okay sign we like to shake hands
and we do so all over the united states but interestingly enough we have cultures within culture so in new york you may have more of a strong grip where in the midwest it might be just a quick touch of the hands and and movement away it's always good to consider the culture that you're in because when we mirror these behaviors it lets others know that we respect them and that we are in synchrony with them and of course as i've always said synchrony is harmony here's a great question from add to believes yes can body
language be submitted as admissible evidence in court absolutely in the famous 1967 case of terry versus ohio the supreme court considered this and they said if a police officer can articulate with particularity the body language that he or she observed it can absolutely be used in court to justify the actions of a police officer to answer your question again absolutely yes at john robinson asks a very important question and it's directed at me most of your fbi profiling career joe was before today's more widespread autism awareness but did you in interview known autistics were they
different my approach was always to deal with the person that was in front of me however they manifest there were some people who were on the autism spectrum and as an interviewer it's not my job to figure their behaviors out other than to note them and say how do i get around this you deal with each human as they present and you try to work with them to establish communications and if that means stepping back if that means handing them a piece of paper if that means not making eye contact then so be it dale
roxu asks how can i end a conversation politely with someone that talks forever without just walking off tried looking at the watch with no luck dale i've been there you try to give off signals you look at your watch two or three times but let's face it with some nothing may ever work um the first one i like to do is i orient my foot towards an exit a lot of people catch that and sense that uh i'm moving away slightly there's other times when no amount of body language gets through to these people and
so what i do is i put my hand on their arm and i say buddy i'd love to stay but i gotta run take care must go so long oh this is one of my favorite at sinister vaults ask hey joe what does it mean when people shake their leg while sitting well i'm glad you asked that because i do that all the time shaking the leg or the hands or the feet is a repetitive behavior and just like twirling the hair strumming the fingers anything that's repetitive is a soothing behavior i do it all
the time and it's just to calm me down so here we have a great question from at osana f i have a question it may be more difficult to answer but if anyone can do it it's joe my question is why do some people tend to divert their eyes to the mouth of the person they're speaking to very simple lip reading a lot of us take comfort in reading each other's lips as we're talking to each other and that's one of the things we found out when we started masking up for covid19 is how much
we do this and didn't realize we were doing it at jolly cx asks a very important question with the rise of aapi hate many asian americans are being attacked both verbally and physically what can we do to pinpoint specific body language actions in which one appears hostile and to avoid conflict there is no specific body language that might indicate hostility other than things that are quite quite visible but we know from studies done in the 60s that there are things that we can do by the way we carry ourselves making ourselves both physically visible but
making ourselves larger something so simple as walking with a greater stride looking around making eye contact with everybody you see the other one is get off the phone look around don't bury your head down and just be aware of everybody around you and hopefully that will help so here's an interesting question from shut up talk now what body language do i have to use to tell the people the next table that i find them really interesting and would love to be friends with them why are you waiting for body language sometimes the easiest thing to
do is to say i find what you're talking about fascinating do you mind if i join you and that's often good enough from at khloe kardashian i've always been intrigued watching interrogation videos and looking for clues in their body language so have i there's so much information that we give away while we're being interviewed our reactions for instance to the question that's being asked i think you're on to something chloe the fact is that we use body language to evaluate how people do in interviews not to detect deception but to look for their reactions that
might indicate psychological discomfort so at andrea and then there's a b 9 7 9 5 one four four zero how many others could there be with that number anyway i'd love the verdict of the professional body language expert on megan she twitched she took her head the wrong way did not make eye contact a good performance from a trained actress so i believe this question has to do with the interview with oprah and meghan markle anytime we see an interview you really don't know what's behind the camera and that affects everything in front of the
camera you don't know how many people are there providing lighting sound how many producers are present who's moving around and so forth the second thing that you don't understand is the context of everything that has happened before the camera is turned on so what i tell people is this look when you listen to an interview listen to the words that are said and then just compare it to with what we know the fact of the matter is we don't know what was going on because we only saw what was in front of the camera not
behind the camera at inefficient ass is mirroring someone's body language equivalent to flirting not necessarily you can certainly do it to flirt but it's not always indicative of flirting at superstar comms asks is mirroring body language in confrontational situations always beneficial or ill-advised you know i think the better question is how do we use body language to either improve a situation or to diffuse it because certainly we don't want to escalate it if someone's angry and posturing and yelling and screaming and puffing their chest out and you do the same thing that's counter-intuitive that's just
going to get you to be angry and agitated and so forth my philosophy is one of you has to calm things down and the easiest way to do that is not mirror the behaviors to step back angle your body tilt your head lower your voice avoid the eye contact and take greater control of yourself so that the person that's out of control will look ridiculous while you look like you have mastery over yourself replying to at gigipoo she asked a great question give me an example of a power pose most of us are familiar with
the arms of kimbo elbows out everybody knows that but we can actually do a power pose by placing our elbows on the table and rather than placing them near us place them further apart and then steepling steepling is the only behaviors that we humans share that is indicative of confidence at the aidan hunt asks you ever see two people sitting together at starbucks and wonder if it's a first date or a job interview yes i have in fact so job interviews and courtship behavior dating have a lot of similarities both are drinking coffee at the
same time and so forth so what i look at is are there differences are they truly mirroring each other in a social way or are they mirroring each other in a more intimate way but also keep an eye on the feet because when people like each other their feet will go near each other at jarzeem ask a very timely question i'm required to wear a face mask to do my job interview tomorrow but i can't decide if it's good for me or it's bad for me we often think that the whole face is communicating but
the fact is your whole body's communicating use your eyes to express sentiments so we use the eyebrows as exclamation points tilt your head when when it's appropriate use your shoulders to communicate your whole body communicates put it to good use at nussan's and gigi asks if body language is important why aren't we taught it at school that's a good question it should be taught in school we are born without the ability to speak and so we must be able to read the baby in other to take care of that baby and feed it number two
we assess for danger non-verbally and number three courtship behavior we use body language so to your question why isn't it taught in schools i would argue the better schools do so here's a question from i don't make these up folks at 1 h 3 ll 0 k as in kilo one t t as in tango tango y you can tell a lot about a person from their eyes and body pasture you can see if they are confident or not and by the eyes i can always tell when it doesn't match the smile on their face
well congratulations this is one of the things that i always look for is do all the clues that come from the body say the same thing sometimes you get mixed answers for instance a person will say yeah i really like that but as they're saying that for instance the lip will pull up so it'll look like this yeah i really like that no they don't to look for the synchrony in all the body language that you read so congratulation at 1 h3 ll0 k is in kilo one tango tango yankee it's no surprise to me
that that people are both interested and captivated by body language it's the primary means by which we communicate we may not know all the terms of art but boy we're interested in the eyes and the mouth and the chin and everything else about us and this is why we study and we examine body language because innately we know this is really the number one way that we humans communicate with each other every day
