supererogatory super super roar oh god that's a that's a big word that's easily the best first and salmon I've ever read hey guys welcome back to the channel my name's Shane and recently qualified doctor and nurse and supervisor at Cambridge University and today I'm gonna be analyzing my friend s aged personal statement in depth so to give you guys a bit of background an aside he's a recently qualified doctor from Cambridge University he's in my year goes to down in college and we've known each other for the past six years he's consistently ranked within the
top three of the whole University and he is probably one of the smartest people I know so it's only fitting that I analyzed s eights personal statement as one of the first as part of a personal statement course that I'm developing over on Scotia that course is going to cover a carefully designed eight pillar framework to help organize your thinking and it will also feature lessons on how to reflect well how to structure your introduction main body and conclusion as well as featuring five example personal statements that I personally have broken down and analyzed and
the best thing about the course is that's going to be completely free with a two month free trial at school now with that shameless plug out of the way let's get into it let's first begin by breaking down the personal statement into its structural components so the whole personal statement is about 620 words long and for the introduction he's dedicated about 25 words that works out to be around 4% for the work experience section essays dedicated 55% of the words 27% of the words for academia 7% of the words for extracurricular activities and finally 6%
of the words for the conclusion right now let's dive into the introduction okay so the first paragraph in medicine I see a purposeful and versatile vocation yet what I love most is its fusion of a scientific core with a philanthropic hot this perfectly follows that introduction formula that I've been suggested it clearly lays out the motivation to do medicine and why it's such a great subject he links his academic interest by talking about their scientific Corp with the personal opportunity that doing medicine will bring him and there's clear use of passion throughout with words like
love and essays also use a very nice writing style which almost personifies medicine to an extent this strategy in particular is going to help him stand out from the crowd okay so this personal statement seamlessly transitions into the next section which is about the work experience but we normally suggest that he should include some sentences about engagement within the introduction itself now this works because the second section of the introduction which is all about engagement is essentially talking about a degree of work experience and because the first part of the main body is work experience
there's a good flow this is why the structure that I suggest allows you to tell a story and flow from one section to another seamlessly right so this is the first part of his main body which is all to do with work experience last year my work experience at Dow University Hospital in Karachi was one of the most interesting yet exhausting experiences of my life and although it was both emotionally and physically demanding its instilled in me a resolute desire to study and practice medicine that sentence was great at showing deliberation and consideration of the
challenges that medicine will bring and by talking about this work experience he's showing that he's engaged with medicine and actually gone out of his way to learn more about it and he's also used a good amount of reflection here where he's extracted the lessons he's learnt and he talks about how it's made him more resolute going forward so moving on but still seeing within the work experience section here I was inspired by the altruistic concern of specialists who offered supererogatory super-super Arora that's a that's a big word but I looked it up and it means
during a morally good thing that's above and beyond what's expected of you even going on supererogatory reduce rate evening appointments for those in financial difficulty this led me to qualify in basic life support and volunteer both at the morelets hospice and in a geriatric ward where I feed patients was keeping them company although engaging with terminally ill and infirm patients has shown me the reality of Medicine I feel that doctors hold a great privilege in supporting them and their families at such a difficult time these sentences are again greater demonstrating his work experiences and their
show plenty of reflection they essentially told the reader hey I care so much about medicine that I've gone away to engage with it and learn more about it and I've considered it deeply and I've arrived at the decision that it's still for me still sticking with work experience he goes on to say throughout my play since I have been able to empathize with patients and speak with doctors developing my understanding of the importance of the holistic care that the multidisciplinary team provides at the Royal Sussex County Hospital I witnessed a knee replacement and was captivated
by the surgical precision in fixing the prosthesis in the surgeons patients when teaching trainees stress the vital role of doctors as teachers I decided to develop these skills by providing ICT lessons for the elderly now this is a brilliant sentence it really shows his suitability by drawing up the key qualities that he has and doing this is something that most people struggle with because well we don't really know how to reflect well but it's actually quite straightforward reflection is all about attracting a lesson and seeing how an experience has changed you and how you will
act differently going forwards and I say dis is really well both in the first and last sentences especially where he talks about the role of doctors as teachers and how he went on to provide ICT lessons for the elderly moving on I feel that the skills for communicating with a limited vocabulary are akin to the skills for explaining complex concepts something I had learned through my study of a a Spanish this year now this sentence alludes to how is a level subjects have given him key qualities that are going to be useful in medicine especially
in regards to his communication skills now you could argue that this should have been put maybe in the academic session just to keep things tidy this is a perfect example of how we should use the structures that people give us as more of a guide and not be afraid to shift things around if they flow better in a different order here the example of a a Spanish fits really well within the work experience section because it shows communication and that's what he was talking about previously so this is a great example of another type of
structuring where you structure things based on key quality rather than what the activity type is okay so moving on to the final bit about the work experience as a GP practice I noticed how clear communication between primary and secondary care through detailed referral letters allows effective ongoing Kath moreover I helped convert children in a dedicated immunization clinic which impress upon me the role of a doctor to care for the whole community not just the individual again this is a great demonstration of showing engagement with medicine and also showing here understands what are the important key
qualities that make up a good doctor and the last bit shows that he has an awareness of an important concept in medicine which is public health and that refers to doctors caring for a community of people rather than just the individual right moving on to the academic section next in mukajee's the emperor of all maladies the perseverance of individuals such as Sidney Farber in the development of the cure for acute lymphoblastic leukemia inspired me to write an essay on the subject that won the school science for essay prize I found this particularly interesting as I
analyzed primary research papers for the first time now this is a great demonstration of engaging with the academic side of medicine and especially talking about super curricular activities which is where you go beyond the a-level curriculum but still learn and read about things to do with medicine now this type of super curricular engagement is exactly what Oxford is after they put massive emphasis on academics and especially this super curricular getting involved in extra things outside of your curriculum but still related to the academic side of your subject moving on additionally Mukherjee highlighted how randomized control
trials underpin evidence-based medicine for this reason I took the initiative to study further maths in my spare time covering statistical models crucial for medical research I also took the Cambridge chemistry challenge and was ranked first nationally I thoroughly enjoyed the residential camp where I learned more about pharmacology these sentences showed that he has a real appreciation for academia and the science especially when he talks about randomized control trials however the second sentence even though it talks about a really great super curricular achievement he really doesn't develop it further by saying what kind of schools he
gained out of it and really there's no reflection here so to make things even better he could have followed the structure that we suggest which is essentially given example link it to a key quality reflect on it and then link back to the subject here's the final bit on academics furthermore I regularly read the New England Journal of Medicine for articles on ethics and topical issues leading me to organize debates under my elected role as debating secretary which have developed my ability to take prudent decisions under pressure and therefore helped to resurrect the college debating
society and have led my team to the Oxford Union schools debating national finals again he gives more examples of super critical activities which Oxbridge absolutely love and importantly here he is linking them to key qualities such as decision making under pressure now let's move on to the extracurricular part of his personal statement outside of my academic life I find that music and tennis helped me relax and I've been able to balance my preparation for a piano diploma and gold Duke of Edinburgh with my pastoral role as a school prefect allowing me to develop my prioritization
skills this is a very efficient sentence that utilizes several of the space with strategies that we discussed especially activity compounding where he's managed to group together several activities to communicate the same ideas with fewer words and importantly he still links all of these activities to key qualities and now if I leave the conclusion through my work experience I realize that medicine can be a challenging job demanding sacrifices nevertheless once given the opportunity I know I have the motivation and capacity to succeed in this rewarding and intellectually fulfilling vocation and this conclusion nicely follows the formula
that we've suggested which is to summarize the key qualities and show passionate projection by weighing up the demands of medicine but still deciding it's worth it now if you're looking for more advice on how to write your personal statement then definitely check out this video and if you're interested in the personal statement monster class that I'm developing then feel free to click the link below where you can download a free personal statement guide which will tell you exactly when the personal statement master class is that and like I mentioned is going to be the most
in-depth online personal statement video course out there and it's going to be completely free for you to use through school shares two months free trial if you enjoyed this video don't forget to Like and smash that subscribe button but that's it from me for today and I'll see you guys next time
