there's still so many of you out there that want to make a piece of content you want to post something you want to share something but you won't and there's a real reason why because you're afraid of the backlash the criticism the negative feedback the trolls the toxic energy that is called the worldwide web today we're going to be talking about dealing with criticism this is my guide on how you can deal with both giving and receiving feedback and without further Ado let's jump into it we all have these beliefs these things that we carry
around with us often times we don't really examine what these beliefs are the origin and whether or not these beliefs serve us really well and it's referred in in psychology as the inner critical voice and the basic concept is we tend to parent ourselves the way we were parented so if you have loving supportive parents who always appraise you who always said that you could do everything in your life you're going to tend to have that kind of same inner dialogue if you have parents who are really overprotective or much worse who are very belittling
who always diminish your efforts who told you you're worth nothing that's the voice that you carry around but I want to put the lens specifically on when it comes to feedback and making work one of my strong beliefs is each and every single one of you out there your career your life your your happiness would improve if you were to be Freer to make the kinds of things that scared you so if you were able to produce work that moves you outside of your comfort zone so if you're a podcaster if you started to make
videos if you're a video vlogger person if you were to start to write things that push you out of your comfort zone allow your sphere of knowledge to expand someone said that if you step outside your zone of comfort that Circle The Zone expands to meet you and I know a lot of us if we didn't have this fear I don't want to focus on the fear we will probably do more of this many of you in the progr many of you guys watching this video later on are are crippled by this fear so I
want to ask you a little bit about the beliefs that you have around the opinions of other people that criticism that you might get what does that fear sound like in your head what is one fear or belief that you have around creating content and the feedback you might hear back from the interwebs anybody people have the misconception about what I mean when I say I'm ghetto country so there's a misconception so what would happen if they Mis Mis uh misunderstood you you would Judge Me based on words instead of actually who I am as
a brand or as a person so they would judge you and would they look down on you perhaps judge you poorly okay on a scale of 1 to 10 like 10 being crippling fear like total inaction and one being I'm not even afraid of this sometimes I think the highest it'll get is like a six or seven so we'll call that 6.5 okay yes all right and at what point does it stop you from taking action or what number do you think that might be fellas if I let it get to an eight then I
get paralyzed I just don't want to do it say if I'm in a clubhouse room and I'm talking and I start to get Negative tones and all that kind of stuff I'll just kind of shut down and stop being great and is this real or perceived I think it's a little bit of both but I'm I'm going say most of it is perception and I want you to hold on to that thought okay so a lot of us have the perception that we're getting negative feedback even when in fact it's neutral to positive and this
is really weird how our brain works right like we filter in neutral messages and we turn it and Amplified into something negative because for some reason perhaps the word the Cadence or even the accent that said reminds us of someone in our childhood that had a lot of power over us it could be a teacher it could be a coach it could be your parents or it could be a sibling anybody that had power over you probably from the ages of three to like nine years old sometimes what's happening is we're getting that flashback moment
that pain that we feel brings us back to our childhood and sometimes unresolved issues that we'll probably need to work through thank you very much for sharing that Alis okay I'm going to move over to is it Kia I saw a bunch of hands up earlier and then they all went cuz I got scared I think so Kia you're up next sometimes I feel like I don't want to be the one posting so much people can be loud on social media so I try to temper how much I show up I love that because you're
helping me out with something else okay so there's all these loud there's all these loud people right and we we think they're like sucking up all the oxygen and we don't want to be like them so therefore we don't act like them people just ramble on and it's like I'm afraid that I'm going to Ramble On too and oddly enough either we don't say anything or we wind up rambling on so neither neither are good right it's like we don't want to do that and then we do that and what happens when we start to
feel that we are becoming one of those people it makes us really nervous and our brain isn't working the way it's supposed to which then makes us lost in thought and then we have that thing we have the old diarrhea of the mouth just things that are coming out you know it's projectiles it's like it's too much there anybody else have another one of fear around creating content design trying new ideas so Amy is saying I have nothing to say Chris always gives me a hard time because I do not do anything on social media
and for me my comeback is always I have nothing to say that anybody's going to care about so I just don't and Amy how do you feel about this idea if I just say to you no one cares I guess I'm fine with it because I don't post okay so this is one of those things where I don't say anything so no one can care so I don't have to say anything so no one will care so often times I find this to be true it's a pretty good self-defense mechanism and so this is the
thing I'm talking about some of your beliefs are so crippling that it will prevent you from doing the very thing that you need to do to be successful in the world we know this with designers that have come through our office for for over two decades they have a very narrow window of things that they'll try and they won't try to go outside of that if it's a style or even an aesthetic or a type face that they're not used to not comfortable with they won't do it because they're afraid if I do this the
whole thing's going to come apart everybody's going to realize I'm a fraud and I only know how to do one thing so I'm just going to stick to that one thing which then does what says you only know how to do one thing see it kind of perpetuates itself and it's almost like we had conspired on this but we didn't and this is perfect so I want you all to think about this okay we're going to be judged poorly because of the words that we use our casual way of talking like because this reflects our
culture and for whatever reason one culture looks at a different culture differently and say is you know you're you're not smart you're not one to be respected or listened to another fear that we have or belief that we have is that we don't like these types of people so we don't want to come anywhere near behaving like those people cuz we know how we feel about them we're afraid other people are going to feel the same way about us but worse if we do that we're probably going to amplify that times 10 in our own
mind so whatever harsh things we might say about other people believe it or not we say and use much harsher language when it comes to speaking to ourselves not super healthy and lastly no one will care I have nothing to say so no one has anything to say about me cuz I never put anything out this is just like that uh recycle symbol I think if I can draw that properly just goes right in a loop I had a really great conversation with Matthew smm who did a clubhouse call with me and he presented this
triangle thing so it seems fairly reasonable to follow the logic here we have a belief and the belief shapes our action right it shapes our action so what what we believe we do that makes a lot of sense what we believe we say most of the time if you're being true and honest with yourself and those actions yield a result that's pretty logical right and then those that result further cements the belief that we have you want to change your behavior so we take one of these fears that one of you had about creating content
let's take my friend Amy okay so Amy has his belief no one cares and so the action that Amy takes around creating content is what Amy I do nothing this is a catchall she does nothing she will not post anything because if she posts it'll only confirm for her that no one cares so when she does nothing what's the result of doing nothing in me nothing nothing happens that's the wonderful thing about nothing is it gets nothing it's safe I don't negative feedback to deal with happens okay so if nothing happens and then we go
back around and it's well because no one cares seems to support itself right so what Matt had said which I really love is that he says we should try to look at this triangle this relationship and if we want to really enact real change we should look at this that this not a like One Direction thing it's bidirectional so actually the results can actually shape our action which can then change our belief which will then change the result again so we want to go in the opposite direction now so Amy what is a preferred result
that you would like to have instead I think like a lot of people whatever I post I want it to be helpful to somebody okay and that either you know is educational or brightens their day help others is that okay M all right wonderful help others I like that in order to help others what do you need to do what action do you need to take something got to do something well let's pick something let's more specific like what like write an article or something yeah okay so Amy writes an article write a post what
would your belief be then maybe it'll help somebody well we already helped people here may maybe your belief will be someone cares someone cares wonderful and when you feel that someone cares what will you do well you're going to help more people it's kind of weird how it works right it's kind of ingeniously simple it's like we can solve all the world's problem with a triangle with three points on it
