all right what's up today we're gonna be talking about handling an ex during birthdays and holidays like christmas thanksgiving or whatever other holidays so usually this is going to include things like what to do if your ex wishes you a happy birthday if you are allowed to wish your ex a happy birthday uh merry christmas things like that uh it's been a while since i've done a video in this format you know this is kind of like the old school version of me doing things um but i wanted to sort of uh produce a little
bit more videos uh today and so for whatever reason i just wanted to kind of pull out the old style and uh see how it performs with you guys uh so yeah this is kind of the ultimate guide for handling an ex during birthdays and holidays so there's really two categories that this fits into you have the categories of where you're considering reaching out during a holiday or a birthday uh or you have the category where your ex is considering reaching out during a holiday or a birthday and depending on where you fall into this
category or where you fall within these categories the rules are going to be a little bit different so what we're going to be doing today is talking about this and to be honest with you this has always been a real big pet peeve of mine specifically when it comes to birthdays because everyone always asks like can i wish my ex a happy birthday or do i respond if my ex has a happy birthday or wishes me a happy birthday and i'm always responding to people about this question it seems like on a daily basis so
it's become it's become sort of this weird pet peeve of mine but what's really interesting about birthdays is that how you handle birthdays is exactly how you handle holidays so i think i thought it'd be kind of a cool thing to sort of merge them together so let's first talk about situations that it's okay for you to actually reach out during an ex's birthday or during an ex during a holiday for an ex and what the rules are for that so when is it okay for you to reach out to your ex well no matter
what if you're in the middle of a no contact rule you are not allowed to reach out to your ex and this also includes limited no contact so if you don't know uh the no contact rule is kind of our traditional like hey use this rule if you want to get your ex back it's kind of the first building block for your success the limited no contact rule is basically an identical version of no contact except in certain circumstances so for example if you live together with your ex then uh it's kind of impossible to
do a no contact rule on them if they see you every single day or if you share children with your ex what happens if you have to rush your child to an emergency room and you need your ex's help well in those cases you're allowed to break no contact during limited no contact but no matter what even in limited no contact and in regular no contact it's not okay for you to reach out and wish your ex a happy birthday or a merry christmas or a happy thanksgiving or hanukkah or whatever whatever holiday it is
it's not okay if you're in the middle of no contact where it is okay for you to reach out to your ex during a birthday or christmas or whatever other holiday that you're celebrating is if you're in the rapport building phase of things but it really is dependent on where you are during the rapport building phase of things so for example uh usually you don't want your first reach out to your ex to be like hey happy birthday no you're going to usually want to have built up some rapport with your ex so if you're
not familiar our value ladder is a court sort of a concept that we teach our clients on how they should be reaching out the methods of communications they should be using with their ex and we always tell them the first step is to do a no contact rule and then after that you build rapport and build uh value in the text phase then you move up to the phone call face time video chat phase then it's the meetup phase then it's the romantic date phase and then once you've done all those steps usually that's when
your ex is ready to ask you out or you're ready to pose a question to your ex that gets them to ask you out so uh usually you don't want holidays or birthdays to be the first thing you talk about after a no contact rule but if you're already having some success with report building it is okay for you to wish your ex a happy birthday now how do you wish your ex a happy birthday this is a great question the first thing i would say to you is you do not want to reach out
to your ex and say like happy birthday i miss you so much i love you so much things like that you want to keep it strictly business happy birthday you don't need to add an exclamation point or emojis happy birthday is fine or merry christmas is fine just super business related now let's switch gears and talk about if it's okay for you to respond if your ex is reaching out to you what you're going to find is there's a lot of commonality between um basically it's identical rules here so let's recap if your ex reaches
out to you during the no contact rule no matter what saying happy birthday or merry christmas don't respond that's the rule that's what no contact is same thing goes with limited no contact um and as far as if you can respond if they reach out to you during the rapport building phase the answer is yes but also the same stipulations exist where you're only supposed to respond to them if you have had some rapport being built up already this is not the type of thing that you want to sort of build rapport and it's like
the first type of like building block to building report that's not how this is supposed to work now there's a few other extracurricular things that i'd like to talk about we've already kind of touched on the first text aspect which is if you're at the start of uh sort of the rapport building phase this is not the first text you should send to your ex or your ex should receive from you it shouldn't be a birthday wish it shouldn't be a holiday it should just be very very you should save that kind of stuff for
later on once you're already kind of built now where it gets kind of interesting is looping the sphere of an influence into that so if you're not familiar the sphere of influence is kind of this concept that we created to describe the people that your ex surrounds him or herself with the people whose opinions that they care about so usually this is going to be really close friends uh really close family members mom dad sister things like that the question is can you reach out to them and wish them a happy birthday or can you
reach out to them and wish them a merry christmas and the answer is yes you can reach out because usually we're finding correlations between success with regards to how much the sphere of influence likes you as well as your ex's perception of you so it almost plays better if the people that your ex surrounds themselves with like you because they feed this narrative in like why did you break up with her why did you break up with him and you want them to do that so you want to stay on their good side so to
speak now here's the stipulations you are allowed to let's say that you're really close with your ex's sister like you became best friends it's okay to wish your ex your ex's sister a happy birthday on her birthday or a merry christmas or a happy thanksgiving on a holiday or i guess like labor day is coming up so i don't know if that uh or memorial day is coming up i don't know if i you know i don't think that's a big enough one to sort of romantically wish someone like hey happy memorial day but a
big enough holiday you can kind of wish the sphere of influence um well wishes i guess on the on the holiday or the birthday but you're not going to mention your ex at all um and if you're and if your ex's sister for example in this example brings up your ex what you want to do is i don't want to talk about him or her i just want to talk about you so that's sort of the sphere of influence side of things we have seen exes get actually kind of territorial over the sphere of influences
so you do want to take those into account if your ex is a very territorial person sometimes it's just not worth the risk to do it but we have seen that happen and the next thing i would say is social media so a lot of times people are asking us questions on well what if my ex asks wishes me a happy birthday on social media or wishes me a merry christmas on social media like facebook or instagram what you're going to want to do is instead of specifically responding to your ex because chances are your
ex existence could be the one that only wishes you happy birthday you know your mom dad sister your friends or sometimes i get people i have not talked to in years wish me happy birthday on facebook uh and the best way to handle people like that and so your ex doesn't feel like wow wow he or she's really thinking about me look i'm the only one they responded to is to literally make a post on facebook or instagram where you say i just want to thank everyone for all the happy birthdays for merry christmas and
i just want to say the same thing back to you so that your ex doesn't feel overly special so those are kind of like the the navigational rules for how to handle if your ex wishes you a happy birthday or if you should risk your ex happy birthday or uh or holidays just special occasions um the one thing one final thing i will say is uh coach anna and i actually did a really really long interview where we went through even more nuanced situations with regards to birthdays and special occasions and holidays so if you're
interested in learning more about like hey these are kind of the rules that no one ever thinks about with regards to holidays special occasions birthdays things like that check out the interview that we did uh together called uh handling holidays and special occasions it's on our youtube channel or uh you can actually go to apple itunes um i'm trying to get the podcast on spotify but we actually you know it's also a podcast episode so if uh if you can't find it on youtube you can go to itunes basically and or apple podcasts and and
find it there uh one final thing uh in the description link of this youtube video uh and i guess if you're listening to this on the podcast we uh we're constantly promoting a quiz that we tell people will help them basically figure out the starting point of whether or not they have a good chance of getting their ex back we highly recommend that you take this quiz because it's really going to give you an idea of where your starting point is and you get a couple of really cool things not only do you get kind
of an idea of what your average chances of success are uh but you also get um a four day video course where basically i sit there and give you the building blocks for how you should be starting to get your ex back so over the four days when you sign up for our quiz uh you'll be given this really cool video course that's being sent to your email uh for four days in a row that basically is like it's probably like 40 minutes worth of material on like this is what we recommend to do these
are the best practices so if you're interested in that all you got to do is simply look in the description link below this youtube video or if you're watching this on or listening to this on a podcast hey what's up don't get into a crash uh but if you want to you can go to our website www.exboyfriendrecovery.com and check it out there basically the quiz is promoted right there and we will get you taken care of uh that's gonna do it for this and uh let me know if you guys have any more question comments
or concerns about uh what we should talk about next i'll see you next time
