the first social mistake we'll cover today is Bully banter putting someone down to make the rest of the group laugh like this clip yeah what are you afraid of well I was going to go with flying but I think I'll go with um girls over 12 this mistake confuses people because playful teasing can be a great way to make people like you but the key is to make everyone laugh including the person you're teasing this is a huge crowd and like you go to like the Tonight Show in the states and there's like five people
in the a no that's only when you're their door so how can you tease someone playfully without accidentally hurting their feelings and making them dislike you especially with people you aren't close to don't tease something they're likely to be insecure about you think this is obvious but it's surprisingly common and when you get finished with those genes and decide you don't like them give me I'm going to make two pairs all right bar I was just wondering who told you that because my my wife tells me that often she says good morning I'm still married
as a matter of fact yes well you some people love dark humor and with those friends nothing has to be off limits but if you're trying to have a laugh with someone you don't know well tease them about things they're unlikely to be insecure about jokes that will almost always go well are ones that highlight the person's strengths are obviously untrue or both speaking of family Dwayne you also just recently bought your mom a house I did that like makes me want to cry no way no no no way I got to get billion later
it's about time a billion dollars later you finally M my house should we clap for that I think the whole room right now is thinking the same thing during our sex scene I felt your rubbing into and it must have been so challenging having to work with Henry every day it's just so awful it's just too bad about his face right he's such a nice guy and then you know the next bad habit to avoid is mocking someone's mistakes here's an example of what that might look like with the scream Queen's cast reacting to ionic
movie screams I think it was like what I liked about it was it kind of came like as like a she like is like oh yeah this is happen I want to see what you just said written on paper this seems obvious so why do people do this sometimes they're just thinking out loud and don't realize they're being hurtful but often it's because they want to show off their own intelligence there's a time when you snuck into the room to see what I I sneaked into the room snuck isn't a word Conan and you went
to Harvard and you should know that people miss mistakenly think this makes them look smart but often it just makes the person dislike you and it makes you a Target in the future the next time you make a mistake you can bet that person will jump on it and shame you like you've done to them in the past I keep a dictionary down here and I just found it just want to look at what the hell look right here snuck past and past part of sneak the next mistake you might make without realizing it is
the Negative Nancy specifically being negative about things you know the other person likes I like Canadians man do you yeah you're one of the few really yeah who doesn't like Canadians this guy why don't you like them it's kind of annoying I don't know have you met is he no but what do you think of his Vibe bro he's the best his VI I saw him make a comment at a press conference where he was like yo I'm going to do a Tik Tok dance once I beat you yeah and that really just like made
me not a fan anymore you want to be honest in conversation it's good to not blindly agree with everything the other person says but if you're consistently negative about the things that someone likes it can create the feeling in them that you two won't get along are you on Tik Tok I'm trying to understand like is this your character are you like the hater or something like what's who am I hating on I'm I'm just like I'm trying to understand like you're hating on Izzy for doing Tik Tok dances when you do Tik Tok dances
like I love I love Justin porier can can I show shows your last Tik Tok yeah yeah before you delete can you explain what what the dynamic is here the worst time to do this is when you're first meeting someone what's the favorite place you've ever been Vegas I'm going to Vegas tomorrow I don't think I'll like it so how can you be your honest authentic and still connect by connecting one layer deeper on shared values so one possible response would be oh that's interesting I don't think I'd like Vegas but I've never been why
do you like it then you can look for values to connect on from their answer if they say they like it because it lets them get away from the stress of everyday life and focus on having fun for a few days you can say you love doing that too but for you that's a camping trip asking why and bonding over shared values can create a great back and forth conversation once you do have conversation flowing make sure you avoid disrespectful distractions this is when you accidentally disrespect someone by getting distracted while they're opening up to
you it was a really bad Camp it was probably the worst camp in my career I uh my dad had passed away like 3 weeks before the fight then like two or three days after that why does that look so Jamie my cousin passed away so was like pull it back is it our computer that's doing that you might think you would never do this but there is a version of this that almost everyone is guilty of these days you know what I'm saying it's hard to have empathy for that yeah no that makes sense
I think we lost him this is what we all do phone addiction is real and most of us suffer from it to some degree you might think this is a minor thing but looking at your phone when someone's talking to you can instantly kill a potential new relationship what bothers you the most right now nothing nothing bothers you you look at your phone while we're doing this interview and everybody seeming disinterested what do you mean me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like I'm forcing you guys to do the
podcast if you're talking to someone tune in and give them your full attention if you're struggling because you're bored don't zone out or disrespect them by looking at your phone instead pivot the conversation is something you're genuinely interested in if you want to learn more about how to do that smoothly will link to a video on that topic at the end of this video another common mistake that can make someone feel disrespected is repeatedly talking over someone if they decided to have an apple coin and you'd buy all Apple products with an Apple Apple phones
Apple IMAX and you just invest in what do you mean no hold please I'm tell hold please let me finish the majority of the time when you do this you aren't trying to be rude you're just excited about what you have to say sorry it's a very bad habit I have am I'm know it all I'm very excited you're excited to talk no I'm I'm irritated by myself I'm not iritated worry about it cutting someone off once because you're excited isn't a big deal but if you make a habit of it and start to see
body language like Joe Rogan's in these next two clips that's a sign you need to make a real effort to stop interrupting so specifically these things have to take Europeans didn't come to Hawaii I understand would that is how I feel before we get into today's last Charisma mistake I want to highlight that these are 15s clips that do not represent the entire person we are not saying these people are dislikable or uncharismatic at all these are simply moments in time that we can learn from one conversation with a lot of teachable moments happens to
be the full send podcast featuring Andrew Schultz even at the time it was obvious to everyone involved that things were not going well I feel bad I feel like you came at me a little bit there why do you feel bad I just feel like you targeted me did you or no did someone tell you to do that no I thought you were just being a little Annoying we've covered a few things from this conversation already but there's one more lesson we can learn from it Steve explains it well in this next clip what makes
you think that I don't know I just going to be like a therapy session yeah I mean what the are you like I don't know if you're playing a character or you're having like an insecure moment if you're having a vulnerable insecure moment then I want to like talk about I'm kind of playing something but what oh if you're what I say that triggered you to say that I think he's so insecure and I think he plays his character this is extremely common you want someone to like you so you try to look good you
lie or hide what you consider the bad stuff about yourself you try to embellish or draw attention to the things that you think the other person will like I'm ironically trying hard to look good is what makes you look bad because people can sense inauthenticity in this conversation steiny is trying to bounce back and forth between saying is being authentic and saying is playing a character trying to see which one will get Schulz to like him if you're having a vulnerable insecure moment then I want to like talk about TR to playing something what did
I say that triggered you do you find it hard to be yourself I think that's it no that's that's what I do bro I don't have as much of a tolerance for characters as I do for authenticity you don't think I'm being authentic bro everything I do is like a joke you can't take it too seriously this habit can be so deeply ingrained that you struggle to be fully open and authentic even when you want to be just say how you honestly feel don't I feel good bro I think you're pretty funny you don't feel
good you don't feel good you feel insecure right now because you think I don't like you I I do feel why think why well thank you so much for hurting my self-esteem and probably keeping me inside tonight I hope you have a great night even that's not real you're going you're going out tonight I'm not going out yeah you're going to party it's okay man this mistake confuses a lot of people after all we all want to be ourselves and be authentic but you might also want better outcomes in life whether that's better relationships more
Career Success or just to feel more confident so what can you do if you want to be your authentic self but the way you've been doing it so far isn't getting you the life you dream about one way is to focus on building charismatic habits so you can present your best self without thinking about it for some people this requires a quick mental reframe who you are isn't your bad body language or your poor delivery you are the person underneath that who most people don't even get a chance to meet if you don't happen to
luck into having good social habits another way to improve your charisma without being fake is to focus on building deep inner confidence when you take your confidence to the next level you'll naturally be more charismatic without trying if you'd like a specific blueprint for building charismatic habits and deep unshakable confidence check out our program Charis University it's a step-by-step guided program that comes with a daily action guide so you know exactly what to do each day to take what you're learning and turn it into a habit you do effortlessly you might find that hard to
believe but you don't have to take my word for it the program comes with a 60-day money back guarantee so you can take the entire course see if it changes your life and if not give yourself a refund from right inside the program if you want to learn more click the link on screen now or below in the description we've had thousands of people improve their lives with Charisma University and we'd love for you to do the same either way I hope this video has helped you and I look forward to seeing you in the
next one
