[Music] brought to you by the every dollar app start budgeting for free today um I made the decision to loan out money to family and friends of mine in the total sum of just over $8,000 um and as time goes on given the lifestyles that they lead it's starting to leave a sour taste in in my mouth a little bit so I I guess my question is how do I hold them accountable to you know make me whole and and pay me back without um straining the friendships and um my marriage because I just got
married in November and my wife um but you know this was before we got married but she had vouched for her uh cousin as somebody for me to loan out money to that's three of the eight grand and it's been over a year and only seen you know 500 of it since um so what is your what is your income yeah um Ju Just over a 100 I sell software so it's a little bit variable but it's been you know over a 100 for the past three years why why did you become the lender was
it Word of Mouth hey this guy will own you some money go to him um so my my wife's cousin originally owed money to who is now my my mother-in-law and the cousin didn't like how um difficult or tough to work it just it sounded like the Mother-in-law was trying to hold her accountable and put her feet to the fire and was complaining to my wife about it and my wife kind of turned to me and said hey I know you've got some money can we help her out um and then my other friend just
kind of knew that I was in a a good position um and I I I he didn't ask me for the money I just knew that he was in trouble um so I decided to give him five of the eights but at the same time he you know it has a Corvette he has two cars both you know in that on those and lives you knew that when you gave him the money right yeah I I did I did know that when I gave him the money all right so um you're probably not going to
like my answer uh oh no okay I think you've learned a very harsh lesson never loan people money uh if you want to help people give them some money but don't loan them any money because it changes your relationship with your friend and your wife's cousin to Master Slave you're the master they're the slave even if you're a nice master you're still a master the borrower is slave to the lender 100% of the time and that's what you're feeling here is that these um people are unappreciative they're out of control but guess what they were
both of those things before you gave them money and you just got to now experience it personally so my opinion is is that you wrote an $88,000 check to the tuition uh and for tuition to the school of life and the School of Life just gave you a a passing grade on never loan people money you have passed that class now you paid the stupid tax so if I woke up in your shoes with your situation I would tell your wife first thing I do sit down with her and say okay I've made the decision
that I made a mistake when I loaned your cousin money and when I loan my friend money if we were going to help them we should have given them money so go ahead and understand that from this point forward I will never loan money to a family member again as long as you see me breathing that will not occur and you and your wife get on the same page about that and then I'd call up your friend and say you know if you can pay me that would be nice but if you don't pay me
I want you to know I'm just going to forgive the debt cuz your friendship's more important and tell the cousin the exact same thing and I'll give you about a 98% chance you get no money but by the way even if you don't do this I'm going to give you a 98% chance you get no money you loan broke people money don't be shocked they don't pay you I would forgive the debt and walk away this is costing you more angst and the Soul tax isn't worth and soul tax it's taxing your brain you are
thinking about it they aren't so you're worried about straining the relationship it's already strained yeah I don't know that it's ever going to go back to the way it was even if if they came in and wrote you a check today and both of them paid you you still don't have any respect for either one of these people right I mean I don't know if I'd say that um I don't I don't have any respect for either one of them it's not going to go back to the way it was before you lent the money
as soon as you offered that money the relationship changed I mean it sounds like your friend is a person who just spends too much is out of control is a typical American and it sounds like your wife's cousin's a complete parasite and Bradley's a sweet guy and people are going to go well Bradley give me some money I'll be fine yeah and buddy I I would I would end the bank of Bradley and as up shop on the bank of Bradley we're done with that puppy that's a boundary that people Pleasers which I'm one of
them recovering people pleaser they have to put up the boundary and go as nice of a guy as I am I'm not going to do I don't do that the only thing I can do is give you money and I don't have any right now to give you that's it I I love the quote she was guilt over resentment and right now Bradley's dealing with the other side resentment H that's chose guilt that you you couldn't and you didn't versus the resentment of I did and I regret it yeah yeah if I woke up in
your shoes sir having done what you've done I would just walk away I think it's costing you more than $8,000 in your soul and in your relationship and you're even a tiny bit resentful towards your wife for asking you to do this for her cousin who a parasite yeah and I'm going to put an end to every bit of that I'm just going to say oh I'm done not going to think about it anymore no more money have zero expectation and the secret to happiness is low expectations it's like my golf game so it's working
out so far it's just I'm not going to get mad about something that I have no expectation is actually going to occur that's pretty easy you know I mean cuz that that's what happens is and and if it only cost you $88,000 to learn this lesson it was cheap that was cheap that was cheap stupid tax very cheap stupid tax Dave's done it with way more zeros on the end yeah I definitely have done it with a lot of I've Le a lot Dumber things and a lot bigger things and you know and you know
it's the never again principle um once you do something dumb you say okay that's in the never again bucket we never again do that and that way I'll never lose I may lose money another way but I won't lose money that way never again well the hardest part is not forgiving the other person it's forgiving yourself cuz you're just like gosh how' I do something so dumb and I'm I I can't let this go and it causes anger inside of you that's a difficult thing it is it is and it's like I mean cuz if
you look at it objectively neither one of these characters were worthy of a loan M they weren't I mean they're not who would loan these people money if it wasn't if you weren't well I'm guessing a bank wouldn't lend the money no they wouldn't which is why they went to him exactly the bank of Bradley it's a nice ring to it honestly it's closed though it's it's no longer open for business oh liquidated the assets got a little sign on the front like the Persian rug place going out of business 80% off going out of
business and yet somehow still too expensive four 14 years later we're still going out of business and you still got ripped off on that rug that's it not fool me once oh Bradley I'm sorry I hate it for you man but that's what I would do create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life
