welcome to turning red that is about periods kinda not really eh not too sure and the main character of this movie is one of the most annoying characters in overwatch mei a chinese canadian overachieving eighth grader that is a slave to her parents well specifically her mom that's kind of a [ __ ] she goes to school we see her friend group we got tomboy crackhead and death and on their way home they crush over devin a [ __ ] bucket hat [ __ ] in a 7-eleven then they crush over four-town their version of
one direction which is confusingly made up of five people beggar to stay and hang but she's like sorry gotta attend to my womanly duties but mei you clean every day and that guy's is how you lose your entire female audience in the first 60 seconds of a video they do a stupid dance and she gets on a tram that she's late for very nice of the guy to wait for her wouldn't make sense so it is [ __ ] kanada anyway she gets back home to her mom which is the typical overbearing asian mom like
my daughter must get good results help clean run the family business we go to math and all that stuff you know then they sit down their temple light up for their ancestors who are like their gods in a way actually the pandas are there no okay let me get this so they think their ancestors are pretty dope and their ancestors thought that red pandas were pretty dope and my parents were like oh sick bro and they blessed them with some [ __ ] something along those lines all right understand and after a long hard day
of running their tourist business they watch tv that's what i said see she gets it mom then insults her friends then the [ __ ] goes to do her homework and this dense [ __ ] you know that the trash can has holes in there right that's just probably all over the floor you dumb [ __ ] anyway creepy bliss and her starts feeling the horny for 7-eleven devon and draws fanfic hentai of him in her notebook under her bed that her mom finds out because she can't act cool about it to save her life
my mom's like what the hell is this is this 7-eleven devin does he do this [ __ ] to you oh i'm about to whoop his ass and she goes right on over there to [ __ ] confront 7-eleven demon without even consulting her daughter for anything like any good parent would do what a [ __ ] jackass and she embarrasses her poor child in front of the surprisingly packed supermarket and then kid goes home and going nuts due to shame in her room and while she sleeps in the night she gets a weird dream
and wakes up as a red panda freaks out mama's concerned and figures out through female code that her kid is ketchup packeting for the first time she bursts in the bathroom with the appropriate supplies that don't lock the [ __ ] bathroom door it doesn't look like they have a lock on it who the [ __ ] doesn't have a block on their [ __ ] bathroom door whatever she doesn't actually see the kid as a panda because some food catches fire so maybe rushes back into her room and finds out that she can turn
back into a room by calming herself down and remaining zen and she goes to school trying to remain in the state of stoicism and unbotheredness but [ __ ] be testing her with the 7-eleven devastatory and she goes bare in the classroom when she finds out that her mom has been stalking her and kicks poon's job with the security guard to run over and give her period gear in front of her entire class instead of just asking the principal or something like that to pull the kid out of class and give him the pads like
any other non-dipshit parent anywho she gets embarrassed i'm smart and her mom spots her in this form and so do many other people when she does her destructive escape from school back home and once she gets there her mom catches up in her dad's legs happened already and she's like and they explained to her that all the women in her family get the power to turn into a red panda once they come of age using their fee wings and she gets mad at that thinking her life is over and whatnot but it's cool because they
can turn it off right by doing a ritual where they trap the soul of the red panda in a pendant on the night of a red and the reason she didn't tell her this before is because she thought she had had more time she see the signs blah blah [ __ ] excuses but what annoys me the most is that she just assumed that they were on the same page with being a big red monster when she said i'm a bigger monster in the bathroom when literally one question would have avoided a whole lot of
[ __ ] and gave a lot of [ __ ] clarity like hey daughter is this period with panda or just panda or maybe just period i don't know how this [ __ ] works might not be a package deal you feel me anyway assumption is the mother of all [ __ ] ups mom's a stupid [ __ ] lord moving on mom says he only gets one shot at the ceremony and the more the panda comes out the harder it will be for it to get trapped independent and for the time being till the
next red moon she shall stay in an empty room to avoid more morphing accidents then in her room she's surprised by her friends who find out about her period for sonam and comfort her back into a human so well that she now can control her super period power and they all tell her that they want to go see a jones weather concert because fourth house is in town or that is coming to town and after her parents test her emotions to see if she would react using various objects that trigger her emotions and stuff including
the final obstacle which is a box of kittens i cannot believe they just had that on tap like that but whatever she then makes the pitch to her parents to go see four town now that she can control her panda but mom say no and i can't say anything because he's a beta or he just kept yes honestly then grandma calls because she saw me on the news and is coming to help and mother do not like that because she is worse than her apparently and that school mate throws in the ball hard enough to
be illegal in dodgeball how the [ __ ] is that even there is no such thing [ __ ] [ __ ] stupid coach it doesn't matter because i need to pee so i'm gonna let someone else stick it over for now all right take it over mini movies oh this is the perfect segment to bring me in playing with balls my specialty the coach instructs his students to be like water isn't made chinese that's kind of racist we turn to the girls whining about not being allowed to go to the four-town concert then abby
shows off her ball handling skills even brings her mouth into play impressive but that don't sound right suddenly mae's mom pulls up for a spy sash but then dangerously skirts out of there further reinforcing the stereotype that asian women are bad drivers this infuriates may causing her to nearly murder this child in cold blood with her panda powers okay he was teasing her about her mom so he had it coming may runs off to chill and her friends follow girls never go to the bathroom alone she's devastated that her mom doesn't trust her to go
to the concert even after fulfilling her duties as the stereotypical straight a asian student then may hatches a plot they could just raise money to buy their own tickets but how suddenly abby inexplicably craves the warm embrace of maize panda form understandable she hops on and may enters her imagination what the difference drugs for different folks i guess may pandas out which is almost as cool as morbid out the door opens uh oh the cat or should i say panda is out of the bag but it's all good the girls are enamored by the panda
form and are even willing to pay for it and so begins the grind may and her gang go full influencer mode relatable establishing a panda brand full of dripped out merchandise every day mae returns home with her parents none the wiser and hides her goodies underneath the bed the next day at recess the girls are tired of all this child labor which is a certified bing chilling moment too far may rages out and unlocks a new form anime girl mode complete with tail and ears suddenly a sussy boy from underneath the bleachers threatens may he's
going to tell her mom that she's been flaunting her panda which if this wasn't a kid's movie i would think is something else anyway he wants her to perform at his birthday party calling it a favor i call it blackmail may reluctantly agrees cause the cash is good i respect the grindset back at home may pretends to leave from athletes to which her mom acceptedly wishes to join also she can dislocate her arm at will weird flex but okay on the way out the pair are ambushed by may's grandma and a bunch of other smelly
old ladies they call mae fat before lecturing her about her powers meanwhile the party has begun and everyone is bored someone forgot the weed mae bails on her fam and prepares to hop out the window but then her grandma barges in and confronts me about her pubic hair feeling guilty about her power overuse may arise at the party donning a fake bear outfit lame try as she might peer pressure eventually overcomes her and she bears out the kids ride may all night long wholesome afterwards me and her friends celebrate before checking up on the four
town concert four town huh more like four clowns i'm sorry uh-oh turns out the concert is actually on the 25th which is the same date as may's ritual she starts wilding out then the birthday boy demands more rides things get heated when he calls mae's mama psycho and says her temple is goofy as hell in retaliation mae jumps down and maims the poor guy permanently disabling him just kidding i'm sure he's fine meanwhile mae's mom checks up on may and uh yeah she arrives shortly after and is torn to bits by the boy's parents right
i am back why was that flush so loud because i have a fully functioning toilet in my room so i never have to leave for maximum efficiency oh okay then why didn't i hear you peeing because i pee on silent mode by hitting the side of the ball like any normal human being [ __ ] i'm not an animal oh my god all right anyways back to the movie her mom blames her friends for being battle influences on her although this was all mae's idea and may says nothing to defend her friends so she doesn't
want to support her mom and goes home with her mom friends are disappointing her in turn and we speed boost over to the day of the red moon and the fourth town concert where the girls go to the concert without me and before the ritual [ __ ] dad goes over at his wise kind dad giving her some words of wisdom something along the lines of yourself or whatever and they begin the ritual which requires more stuff as i said and here they are a circle for the [ __ ] to be in a shaman
with a sword to laser beam my forehead a red one cuz don't know china maybe and singing from the heart doesn't have to be chinese [ __ ] throat music could be a blink 182 song if you're so pleased it doesn't really matter it just has to be from the heart so they do all that and she gets transported to a bamboo rambler or whatever the main ancestor's name is is with a mirror to pass through and get rid of the panda she struggles through a bit but halfway she's like you know what i changed
my map and goes back poof elephant toothpaste everywhere she's a pan that mom's like it's okay we can do it again hey you said you only got one shot do not miss your chance to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo this [ __ ] alive anyway mae wants to keep it and go to the concert and they try to hold her back to no avail my mom gets mad because her mom's annoying and her kid is annoying and her panda pendant breaks because it got cracked and she becomes a panda again her
panda is massive like godzilla massive by the way so assuming that she went to the same panda face in the same way that her daughter did even if she didn't how the [ __ ] did she not manage to kill her entire town or the whole temple or whatever she was in at the time and how did they keep it under wraps that was my biggest concern here but i have a few more questions do you have to have the pan dependent on your person at all times because that's kind of stupid if it breaks
that easily also another question if the panda is ready to appear then it is your period then does it die when you stop getting pierced like at 40-ish actually i don't care whatever maybe skips and hops and pops and skydives over and into the concert if you could break in undetected all along that easily why the [ __ ] was money even a problem [ __ ] also nobody notices this which is kind of believable it's a concert no one's paying attention or maybe i don't know whatever she somehow finds her friends who took care
of her tamagotchi and makes up with them then they find out that birthday boys [ __ ] ass also likes fourteen and they vibe with him and right as they start saying mommy pandazilla arrives and the whole stadium clears out for a panda 1v1 me tells her the pandoring was all her idea like i'm changing mom this is not a phase okay sorry i'm not perfect like you and is instructed by her family to keep her and a massive circle they're making to do the ritual for both of them again before the red moon is
over and she employs the elite tactic of twerking to your parents to keep them busy and for anybody thinking of how mean it was to call a panda hoeing take a deep hard look into the scene and really ask yourself who is the [ __ ] over here probably still me but whatever doesn't matter then she pops and jumps around her mom some more and head butts her unconscious out of the circle and tries to drag her back in but her mama's so fat she can't there's no punchline she's just fat so her elders all
break their pendants and become pandas too and help her drag her mom into the circle this one wasn't rude or running by the way they dragged her in while sing but it's not loud enough and it's not working i'm guessing the circle's too big so her friends somehow managed to get four town to sing now how the [ __ ] did they manage to do that unimportant the heavens open for them and mei finds a kid version of her mom in bamboo heaven and she's all like i'll let it be perfect enough for my mom
and may is like don't worry ui kid mom mom kid kid mom and takes her over to the mirror where the rest of the ladies are mom and mom's mom make up they all pass through the mirror except me and the wrestling [ __ ] face ancestor finally smiles upon her and gives her eskimo kisses whoopty [ __ ] dude they're forever in debt now because they have to pay for the stadium they [ __ ] up but it's okay because making go out as a kawaii cat girl this movie gets 11 senpai's out of
5 onichons [Music] [Music] you
