Ego Death, Character Arc, and my recent Journey

hey everyone I hope you're well I wanted to come on today and talk a little bit about the transition that I have been going through as you or some of you might know I left Los Angeles a few months ago and I am now more on the east side of the United States back where I'm from and I have really been going through a Big Life transition right now and it has been more than just a physical change of location but it has also been a big change in my understanding of the world in my

personal beliefs in my goals and all of these things and I have been going through a sort of ego death you know in a story one of the things that you will see discussed is that a character has a goal or a desire that is based upon a lie they believe and so they have this desire out there in the world and so they feel that they need to go out and they need to get that thing and that that thing is going to fulfill them it is going to make them whole in some way

and so they set out on this Quest they set out on this journey to go and get that thing out in the world that they believe is going to make them whole or is going to make them complete and then they go out there and they realize that what they were going after was an egoic mental construction it was something that wasn't really real it was something that they built in their mind and then they went after and that's how a character goes through an arc a character goes out into the world to go after

the thing that they feel like will make them whole and they get some version of it or they get a long way on their journey and then they realize wait a minute why did I want this thing what made me want this thing in the beginning and then they have a change they go through a change and I think this is why you see the Journey of of setting out into the Wilderness setting out on the adventure and then that character having a desire to return having changed having realized that that thing out there in

the world was not what they thought it was or was not going to make them whole and complete like they thought it was going to and what they realized was they were carrying with them all of their incompletions and all of their lies and their lack of wholeness walked with them wherever they went on that journey and that the idea that they created the mental construction that they created of that thing they were going after in their mind they go out into the world and they realize wait a minute this is not making me whole

this is not what I needed and they realized what they needed was within them what they needed was to realize why they were creating that lack what needed to realize was that they were whole the entire time for me I've had I had a an image of Hollywood and I had an image of what it meant to be successful in Hollywood and and why I wanted to go do that and that gave me a lot of ambition that desire gave me a lot of ambition to push and to go and to work hard and to

make things happen and all of this stuff and so I did I worked hard on this YouTube channel while I was in college and I went out to Los Angeles and I worked hard and I met people and I worked with screenwriters and I was super ambitious and all this stuff but the more I went into that world the more I went into the adventure world the more I gained a real sense of what Hollywood actually is and I gained a more real sense of how it actually works and who actually runs things and what

kind of people that they are and the more I was out there the more I realized what kind of world I was trying to enter into and that was very confusing for me because this was my goal I had created my entire ego being wrapped up in this career Pursuit being wrapped up in this idea of becoming a great screenwriter becoming a great director making it so that other people saw me as a great great artist that was very much my push and my desire and my ambition and I wanted to do things the Hollywood

way I wanted to be a Hollywood person but then I got in to that world and I met people and I saw things and I understood more and more of what it actually meant and what all these stars and all these people had actually done to get to where they were and what they had gone through and the the secrets that they were keeping and all of this and through that it really opened my eyes to a lot of things and it also opened my eyes to just how much of my life is being control

controlled by a mental mentally created image of who I am and who I was and that's what the ego is the ego is that dream of Consciousness in your mind that tells you who you are which is you trying to analyze and you trying to control who you are and what you're going to be and how that's going to work and all of this and that's why with a character a character has the beliefs that are attached to their ego which is their lies and then they have the unconscious unconscious truths that they must come

to accept through the Journey of their story and that allows them to Arc it allows them to release elements of that ego and see the world differently and see themselves differently most important and that is what I've been going through I have gone through an adventure I went out into the world with all these mental projections and these egoic ideas about who I was and what I was supposed to be and I made all sorts of mistakes and learned a lot of great things and hurt people along the way and all of this and so

coming back part of the reason I have struggled to be on YouTube regularly throughout this time has been because so much of my channel was connected to my ego so much of my channel was connected to this mental image of who I was and who I was supposed to be and then when that ego Falls and the lies are taken away some of that ambitious fire also goes right because that ambitious fire is connected to this desire to prove desire to be something desire show people that I am the best or that I am greater

that I am all these things and so it has required a reset in many ways and I've been going through that reset now and um if you if you look at some of the Buddhist teachings one of the things that you will see is the idea that desire is suffering which what is meant by that is that when you place your identity on something external something outside of you and you say I have to attain this thing in order to be whole you have therefore created present un wholeness right you have created a state of

lack by creating the egoic mental image of I need this thing out there and then that creates anxiety and that creates stress and that creates all these things because now it forces you to chase that carrot on a stick right it forces you to run around trying to prove and trying to be in all these things but you are whole now that's the truth the truth is in the present moment you are whole and you are lovable and you don't have to prove you don't have to be the only thing you do have to do

is show love and that's one thing that I have lacked in in my personal life and things that I've not shared on this YouTube channel is I have not shown love I have not been loving and that really is the only key everything else becomes window dressing everything else becomes extra creative fun things you might do but there really is only one fun Al key there's only one requirement and that you can do that at all times like a switch you just do it and um I also would carry guilt at times like now when

I have not been on YouTube so regularly because I feel like and have felt that I'm not showing love to you all who have supported me and who have been the reason I have been able to be so free in my life and not had to have a job and been able to be on this platform been able to speak to you been able to do the things that I've wanted to do and um but then I I I put that guilt on myself that I don't need to when I'm not here but I do

need to be here I think it's important that I am here but you can't learn that what's interesting is it is there is a cycle that you must go through and I think that's what a story shows that I had to go out and seek to break those lies I had to do that external work to make the internal change and that's the interesting Duality right that is the back and forth that you the work that you must do is internal yet the external does feed that because there ultimately is no separation because we are

we are unified there is no meaness in the sense of me being a complete and total individual I am a part of the world I'm I am connected to things just like everyone else is just like we are Humanity together just like the trees are all connected and all these things right that that sort of woow woo idea of universal Oneness that is true and when you break down your ego you break down that separation and you realize that oh we are in a universe of love we are not in a meaningless universe but we

are in a universe that is bound through the energy of love and when you find that you can rest in that and be at peace and I've also noticed that my that that it is important to be conscious of the repetitive things I do that create that separation and create anxiety inside of me create that frustration like Outlets bad Outlet things that we all struggle with and different people struggle with different things but substances and things like alcohol or weed or pornography or nicotine or all these different things that are physical in the world they

represent some sort of they are both physical but they also have a spiritual element to them in the sense that they are a manifestation of anxiety or they are a manifestation of something that has not been dealt with internally and so you try this or you do this or you make this a habit or you get into this and those things bring down your energy and they create more and more separation because they create more anxiety and they create more reason to trigger that ego and to give you another thing to think about what you're

doing wrong and how you need to fix this and this sort of stuff but I have found that the more I have moved away from that ego and let that ego go the more those physical things those physical things that I bring into my body they go away and that's not always easy but it's easier when I'm in that place of connection and I'm not in that place of ego and I'm not in that place of trying to up hold my lies and trying to create a particular version of myself to present to other people

that they need to see to accept me or you know that it's that authenticity right that's the other thing that has made me be often on YouTube where I feel like I'm doing things I'm not supposed to do and therefore it makes me not want to be in public on the internet because I because I am not being authentic because I must put on a face or put on a mask then be in the public sphere but then I go somewhere else and I want to do hidden sins or I want to indulge in things

that only increase my anxiety and my frustration and these sorts of things but when those things go away or when I consciously move away from those things it makes it easier more easier to be authentic here and to be more in a space of just being here without having to analyze and judge and look over my own shoulder as I speak or check my own body movements to make sure I'm acting accordingly and all these things that we place in between us and the rest of the world which that then becomes our ego and that

is fundamentally The Arc of a character and the Arc of a person because story and real life they are the same they are mirrors of one another a story is Meaningful because life is Meaningful the arcs of characters are meaningful because your personal arcs are meaningful if you choose to accept that AR can see and move in that direction and so through my time in Los Angeles and through my time around Hollywood it was interesting because I have had clients and people that have worked with me who have sold screenplays and who have made films

but I have always been on the outside I have always sort of existed in my own bubble never fully entering into the Hollywood sphere and never fully signing their contracts never fully being a part of their game and for so long I was frustrated with that and I felt that I needed to do that to prove myself and say hey internet look see I'm real I'm authentic I'm Legit because I did it the way that these people wanted to and the longer I have gone and especially now I have realized that it never was my

path to enter into their way because their way is failing their way is over it's been failing for a while it has been decaying but they prefer to keep these things quiet they don't want to tell everyone that there aren't new screenwriters coming in trying to make it they don't tell people that they closed the doors they don't tell people that there are mass layoffs happening in the industry over 2023 and 2024 they don't want to tell people that the Golden Age of recent the most recent Hollywood golden age was probably over in 2008 with

the riter strike I'm sure I'll talk more about these stuff in the future but um Hollywood is a decaying Empire now it is not the future the future is here the future is the internet the future is storytelling without needing to sell your soul to get $50 million to make a movie in one single town in the world this is no longer the way and the entire time I was in Los Angeles I was looking back looking back and saying wow this is what has been done so therefore I must do it that way not

realizing that story can contain all sorts of mediums and audiovisual storytelling doesn't have to be done the way it's been done in the past or how they were doing it in 1940 but we have the freedom to explore new ways if we learn the craft if we understand the craft and can apply that craft with a high level of skill and with Clarity and therefore the future is bright so I'm very happy for this journey this adventure of mine in the real world that I have gone on it has I am now returned having changed

I am now back where I'm from having changed and many lies that I held to have fallen away and I'm sure there will be more in the future that I may not be aware of but I have gone through a a very big life shift over the last few years that has radically changed me as a person and I have fought against that authenticity and I have feared that authenticity and I have clung to that ego but now I am no longer clinging to those things and instead I'm going to do my best to be

here with you all sharing what I can to help you and leave it at that without egoic goals that I'm placing in the future which does not exist because the present is the only thing that is real the Eternal present the Eternal now is the only thing that exists so I will not Place goals out in the future because I do not know what the future holds already this year has been very very interesting for me I don't know how it has been for you all but already it's been a very interesting time in my

life and so I will simply do my best to be present and show love and to help you all and they continue to share all the things that I have learned there's so much I have not shared of what I have learned working with writers and doing what I've done um because I've been lazy and because I have been in a place of existential crisis um but those things are important to me and I will continue to be here on this channel to share um so that's all I hope this update finds you well I

hope you are well best of luck on your story I'll see you in the next video bye