fiance dumped me for making more money than him then saw me having coffee with a family friend lost his mind and showed up at my door accusing me of cheating hey everyone I 28 had been with my fiance Alex 34 since 2020 we met at a friend's party hit it off and half slash had been together ever since he finished his Doctorate in economics just last year since then he has been working at the uni I have my masters in media sciences and decided to start working instead of going for a PhD okay so the
problem is that Alex broke up with me last Monday it was literally so surreal and honestly just weird for the past few months he'd been acting strange he was making demands and then dropping them immediately a few examples he told me we were going to paint our walls back from dark green to White when I asked why he just said for [ __ ] sake forget it and never brought it up again even when I asked another time he came home and got mad because I was sitting on the couch with my head covered in
a blanket I had cramps he was upset because I was just sitting there watching Netflix mind you the house was spotless when I tried to talk about it he said forget it it's not a big deal this kind of thing became common every time I tried to communicate tried to figure out what was going on whether it was something I did or maybe he was just stressed at work he would just say everything was fine but he was clearly seething with rage I didn't even have to do anything he would find something to complain about
the apartment cloes clothes me work etc so I gave him space which apparently was also wrong I told him I was going to help my parents with repairs for a few days and somehow that was also wrong because he wanted to renovate the apartment too then on Monday I got a text saying we needed to talk I knew what was coming and after the last few months I had made peace with it when I came home he was sitting on the couch he didn't even wait for me to take off my jacket before saying I
want to break up then the verbal diarrhea started he told me he resented me first because I didn't pursue my academic career further even though I was capable and he didn't want to upset me at the time then when I started making more money since he didn't make much as a PhD student he felt like I should have the last word financially and he hated it mind you I never said anything like it's my money so I have the final say that's a rule he imposed on himself and he hated it he said he hated
our paint Scheme the couch and even our [ __ ] crockpot then he told me he had rejected a better PhD program to stay here because I had already started my job by the time he got the acceptance letters only he never told me he had even applied overseas he said a few months ago he checked in with a friend who's in that program saw how they were thriving and decided I ruined his life he said I had too much control over his life and that he hated the idea that I could just decide not
to pay for things and [ __ ] him over I honestly don't even know what that means he also said he hated that all his friends loved me and didn't let him vent about me then he said again I'm done I was floored I had already made peace with the idea that we were ending and it hurt but after that rant I was just disgusted I looked at him probably with a disgusted expression and said okay he lost it he said this is exactly what he meant that it was horrible we had been together for
4 years and all I had to say was okay to our breakup I just asked if he wanted to stay here while he figured out where to go he said typical of course you're holding the apartment over me and started ranting again so I just left I told my parents and they're also confused my dad suggested I reach out to our landlord and explain the situation to see what options I have I can keep paying the rent no problem myself he covered the utilities and some subscriptions just to reiterate I never had a problem with
this I saw that he was chasing his dream and that was more important to me than a 50/50 Financial split I make good money and I'm happy at my job I never saw it as slaving away I always had the ality that my money was our money because we were building a life together of course I had my own savings and fun money but I honestly never cared as long as I felt he was working towards something and wasn't taking advantage of me I was fine with it more than fine Alex is still mad he's
going between texting me like a robot about the logistics of the split to being a seething [ __ ] complaining about everything I'm not even hurt anymore I just feel nauseated by him at this point I don't know should I have reacted differently edit thank you for all your opinions it was nice to get this off my chest LOL just to clarify though I don't feel like a victim I feel like something happened and my relationship just turned bad he behaved like an [ __ ] but that is the extent of it very clearly something
is going on but he doesn't want me to be part of whatever it is and I have to respect that now I just have to detangle myself legally from him and after that I'll just be left alone with my ugly green wall color I think I might also adopt a cat as my was really allergic comments where op has replied Dan 1987 T dude basically hates himself for decisions he took without ever Consulting you he chose his Comforts but now since others seem in a better position he is venting on you and making you the
culprit NTA but your man has a little brain and doesn't know what to do with it oop I would have supported him if he wanted to move away I'd give we would have stayed together because ldrs are hard but I would have been 100% supportive ASA I suspect he was afraid or had other reasons to turn down that PhD or maybe never even applied but believes he would have got it if he did but chooses to blame you rather than acknowledge that hey sty koala he probably chose this 1 BC she would be there to
pay the bills it's more stable soft requirement 461 girl I've been with a man like that they want drama they want toxicity they will [ __ ] up your life out of pure insecurity and hate you dodged a massive bullet I'm sorry this happened you deserve better wish you the best oop then I hope he meets the teleno V Star of his dreams I prefer my boring happy life update one to start Alex moved out pretty quickly after the breakup he has been staying with a friend and we sorted out everything like mail subscriptions and
the lease I'm also in the process of adopting a cat her name is Luna but I have been thinking about changing it since my family already has two pets named Luna amoon and Kamar she is still at her foster home for now but I have visited her a few times and I already adore her she is a scrappy little Tabby who follows her foster mom around like a shadow and I can't wait for her to move in during the first week of December I've already gotten her bowls toys and a bed by the window ready
now on to what happened last week I was out showing someone around the city he is the son of my parents friends who recently moved here for work my parents asked me to help him get familiar with the area so I agreed it was nothing special just walking around grabbing coffee and pointing out useful spots in the city apparently Alex saw us I didn't even realize he was there but later that night I started getting texts from an unknown number I guess he got a new number since I blocked his old one the texts were
just weird he accused me of flaunting my new relationship in public said I must have been seeing this guy before we broke up and told me that everything he suspected about me was true I didn't respond I wasn't going to entertain his paranoia the messages kept coming though they went from Angry to desperate with him saying things like at least admit you were lying to me and and was anything about us even real it was exhausting and honestly a little scary to see how quickly he spiraled for the record this guy isn't my boyfriend he's
not even someone I'm interested in he's just the son of family friends who needed help settling into the city the whole thing was completely Innocent but Alex has Twisted it into some kind of betrayal in his head what gets me is how little Alex seems to know me I'm not the type of person to jump into a relationship so soon after everything that happened even if I were it wouldn't be any of his business we are done I've made that clear after I didn't respond to his texts Alex started calling I didn't pick up but
the voicemails were a mix of angry Rants and desperate pleas I ended up blocking his new number to it feels ridiculous that I have to keep doing this but I guess this is where we are now then this weekend I went out to a bar with my friends a few hours in guess who walked in Alex I don't know if it was a coincidence or if he followed me there but as soon as he spotted me he came straight over he was clearly upset asking to talk and I told him no my friend stepped in
and thankfully he left without causing a scene but it ruined my night it felt like I couldn't escape him no matter where I went or what I did when I got home later that night I was completely drained I had just started to relax when I heard a knock on my door it was Alex standing there in tears he started crying saying he missed me that he didn't understand why I was doing this to him and that he didn't know how to move on it was like all the the anger from earlier had been replaced
with this desperate sadness I didn't let him in I told him he needed to leave and if he didn't I would call someone to make him leave he begged me to listen but I just closed the door I spent the rest of the night feeling shaken and honestly a little scared I don't know what he's going through I wrote his best friend about the situation but the plea of talking to him he said he would I'm seriously considering getting a new phone number and possibly even talking to someone about how to handle this legally if
it keeps happening it feels fair that I have to go to these lengths just to have some peace but I don't see another option update 2 thanks for the concern and support I've received I'm fine really a lot of people suggested things like getting a restraining order but I just want to clarify that it's not as simple as walking into an office and asking for one the process involves proving there is an immediate danger to your safety providing evidence like texts calls or Witnesses and then attending Court to get approval it's not something you can
do lightly or without solid proof and and no I'm obviously not getting a gun I've also seen people diagnosing Alex with various mental health issues and I want to ask everyone to stop yes something is clearly wrong but I'm not a doctor and neither are most of you it's not fair or helpful to label him with something like bipolar disorder or anything else without real expertise for what it's worth I don't actually feel like I'm in danger in the past month these were the only three incidents that happened I don't think he's actively stalking me
so much as he just knew my patterns the bar we were at is my favorite spot and it was a party of one of my closest friends so it makes sense that he might have guessed I'd be there when he showed up at my apartment he knows what time I usually get home the city tour is the only thing that might have been more intentional but it could also have been a coincidence that triggered everything anyway this is the end of it yesterday Alex came over with his mom and one of his friends at first
I didn't want to let him in but he promised me that this would be the last time I ever saw him I agreed mostly because his mom and friend were there and I figured it would be more Awkward to argue on my doorstep when we sat down Alex admitted that he was going through a crisis he told me he was mad at me but he didn't know why he said he doesn't like me that I annoy him but that he weirdly still loves me which is why he went crazy when he saw me with someone
else he assured me there wasn't anyone else on his end either he said he felt like he was going insane he talked about how he feels judged for being older and not being able to give me the life he thinks I deserve he said he hates his colleagues hates his job hates everything right now and that everyone and everything annoys him he told me he feels old and like he should want kids at this point in his life but he doesn't and that thought terrifies him he said he just wants to be alone and not
talk to anyone for a while I didn't say much I mostly just nodded because I didn't know what to say after he was done he told me he was leaving he's on some kind of mental health leave from work and he said he's leaving the country on Sunday he's going to South America to spend time in nature and find himself he thanked me for everything and said he was sorry for how he acted then he just got up grabbed the few things he had left at my place and walked out his mom was inconsolable she
kept apologizing to me over and over saying how embarrassed she was by his behavior I told her it was okay and that she didn't need to apologize for him she cried a lot and his friend ended up driving her home after Alex left I don't really know how I feel about all of this part of me is relieved that it's over part of me feels sad for him because he clearly doesn't know how to deal with everything he's feeling mostly though I just feel tired I'm glad he's taking steps to figure himself out but it's
not my responsibility anymore next story best friend flew to Texas to tell me she's dating my abive ex who almost un alived me when I kicked her out he showed up at my work with threatening messages I've tried to write this out for days now but I keep getting too upset to concentrate so this might be a bit jumpy I don't have family in the sense many understand family to be so I've been pretty much a loner with one exception my best friend Tammy we met in middle school and just became joined at the hip
things changed a bit in college my parents forced me into a Christian out of state college Tammy applied and got accepted to the other college in the town so we both went out there and were roommates for two of the years before I met my first ever boyfriend I will call him Trent I moved in with him the end of junior year and I don't know when it started happening but he went from charming and affectionate to controlling I don't wish to upset anyone so I will hit the pause button and warn you that below
is some of the things he did for me to label him abusive he would put me down and hint he could find someone better or that if he cheats it will be my fault since I wasn't this or that enough it started to get physical senior year at first it was him pushing me out of the way if he was walking by and I was in the path for whatever reason then he would slap me in arguments calling me worthless a waste of his time and young years a broken toy no one will love I
didn't have any real self-esteem so I stayed thinking I was the problem and when I called home about it I was told that the problem was me I started to make my exit plan the day after I graduated he had proposed and I hesitated and he screamed at me to ask why then her swung and punched the wall right next to my head I fell to the floor in fear and he tried to comfort me and basically forced me into sex when I woke up the next morning the ring was on my finger and he
forced me again and later called it makeup sex saying he forgave me for the way I treated him that is the extremely short explanation but there are so many stories of him forcing me into bed hitting me or threatening to kill me and more so I started to make a plan I found a shelter in the city nearby I started hiding things in the trunk of my car I was in the service industry then and so I would take more shifts whenever I could and hide my cash tips in a box of tampons in my
purse and I finally was ready and left him left my phone I had a new cheap one and never went back Tammy knew him and lived near us but she didn't know about my plan she messaged me on social media and I told her what happened all of what happened so she played dumb when he came around asking where I was was spinning the story that I was suicidal and he is calling the police to find me he never found me that was years ago I am now 36 and Tammy is 2 Trent is 38
Tammy became a bit religious but I told her as long as she is happy and safe I don't care what she leans on in faith she started to invite me out to her church four years ago and I kept saying no until I very firmly said if she brought it up again I would just walked out or hang up I'm not against anyone believing what they want I just don't want or need to be sucked into it I honestly do not mean any offense to anyone of any faith I myself am just agnostic and if
that ever will change I will decide on my own but I doubt it will she got a job 2 years ago overseas I acted excited for her and I was but I was also deeply devastated without her I had no one else by this time I wasn't in contact much with family and I do have surface level friends but no one that's known me in the real sense I worked it out with my counselor and just carried on we stayed in touch online and video chatted a lot she would show me London and I would
show her my transition to moving to Texas we would Chronicle our explorations of our new cities and then one day it started to slow down on her end right around the time she went to visit a friend in our old college town she then asked if she flew to Texas sometime this summer could she stay with me a few days and I excitedly agreed so early this month just a few weeks ago she came here she was off the whole first day but I figured she was tired then the next day we went out and
got drunk she started to cry and I got us an Uber back to to my place and asked her what was wrong that's when she asked me not to hate her and told me everything she's with Trent she's been with him almost a year I was too stunned to even say anything and she went on and on about how it's not what I think and he has changed she told me he found Jesus and turned his life around and deeply regrets the way he treated me the more she talked the more I just shut off
I didn't even have it in me to feel anger I just stared at her Frozen as she talked until she said please just say something so I did I told her to get the [ __ ] out she started to explain it all again she hated him forever but they kept running into each other he goes to church and showed he has changed Blandy Blandy blah I didn't interrupt her but when she stopped talking again I just repeated myself she argued more and I would just listen and repeat until she grabbed her stuff and left
it was silent between us for a week until my dad texted me that Tammy called my parents crying and told me to get over myself after all it's not like I wanted to get back with him right and that's what I get for living with a man I wasn't married to then she texted the next week rehashing her argument and pretty much demanding I video chat with him to see for myself that he's changed and forgive him she then blamed me that they can't take the next steps in their relationship because I don't have a
forgiving heart and that I was malicious when I kicked her out I've spent all of this week trying to figure out if I'm insane to think this is a huge betrayal a deal breaker I mean who even dates their friend's EX for one but this I blocked her after she hinted that my version of things was exaggerated and malicious but I don't have other friends to turn to about this I don't think I am but Mai and her family thinks I am T at least for kicking her out in a strange city alone when she
was just being honest with me am I update hey guys sorry to everyone who reached out and I haven't responded it took Trent 2 weeks I had a full-time job but also a part-time service industry job as a bartender he showed up at the bar it's a small bar in one of the regulars Daisy f30s is one of the folk I did confide in about Trent and Tammy when Trent walked in I happened to to be chatting with Daisy and she saw my reaction she asked what was wrong and I told her that it was
Trent she wasted no time and went to get my manager Trent sat at the end of the bar and I took my time checking in on my other bar guests until my manager Heather f50s came out with the other two bartenders both M3s Trent had already begun knocking on the bar asking for service loudly and I had been ignoring him he got kicked out quickly and told that we can and do refuse service to him I got texts from a new number saying it was Tammy and begging for me to answer she called four times
and I didn't answer she left voicemails with Trent and one without all telling me that I was concerning them with my hatefulness how I alone in the world and that's not safe who would I turn to if someone broke into my home at night things of that nature and religious crap sprinkled in I was still on the clock and Daisy suggested I stay at her parents I know her mom who sometimes comes with her to the bar at that point I was shaken enough to take them up on it Daisy's mom Rose f6s has been
sweet enough to let me stay rentree for as long as I needed but I eventually move moved in with one of the servers at the bar she helped me look for legal representation and I filed for a restraining order using screenshots I had emailed myself prior old voicemails and though we could not prove harassment on Tammy's end Trent had said enough in the voicemails and messages he had sent that it qualified for a temporary restraining order I am safe for now and the hearing is in January no one knows where I live currently and I've
shut down all social media I've been NC with my family as they've been pushing me to give my address so they can send Christmas gifts but when I gave them a o box Daisy is allowing me to use they got angry it wasn't an address and that was suspicious enough for me not to trust them it's strange but I am slowly making friendships and seeing a counselor helps with the stress Trent is pretty much blacklisted from the square of bars where my bar is word gets around I've not walked alone a single shift since and
that's my update not perfect but I remembered my password when I was checking my email for any additional stuff to send to my lawyer and wanted to let every person concerned about me that I am okay when this is res that will try to update with more detail
