Sarah Ku hasn't returned home for three days. She often forgets that she is married that she is a married woman. When I brought the divorce papers to her she was in the middle of a lively drinking game exchanging toasts with someone else.
Seeing me she squinted her eyes and said "Have a drink with these ladies and I'll go home with you. " My heart had already become numb from the pain so I picked up a glass with a smile and walked over. "Happy to oblige.
Chapter 1 In the most luxurious room on the top floor of the club Sarah downed her drink in one gulp amid the cheers of the crowd. The young man in uniform blushed from the drink his shy and inexperienced demeanor instantly amusing the high-status women present. "I really like Boss Ku she's so straightforward "Exactly those newcomers in the business world always act so pretentious even when it comes to drinking.
"Hey who's that standing at the door Haven't seen him before is he new Sarah had just pulled out a stack of cash and placed it in the young man's hand who was overjoyed and eagerly squatted down to pour more wine. Sarah waved him off and followed everyone's gaze towards me her eyes tinged red from the alcohol. She sank back into the chair and introduced me to the crowd.
"Ryan Wang my husband. "If any of you fancy him feel free to have him join you for a drink. In the dimly lit room several pairs of eyes examined me with a mix of curiosity and amusement.
They were an investment team from the capital Sarah's most important guests at the moment and the way they looked at me was no different from how they looked at the waiter beside them. The woman seated in the center raised her glass laughing incessantly. "Oh how could we After all he's Boss Ku's man.
" She must have been the guest of honor tonight. I smiled and sat down beside her picked up a glass of champagne and clinked glasses with her. "Happy to oblige.
Sarah gave me a brief glance and said nothing while the other women immediately surrounded me with their glasses. I lost count of how much I drank tonight only remembering the overwhelming mix of perfume scents that made my head throb. However since I arrived Sarah hadn't taken another sip of her drink.
She has a stomach condition so it's good that she drank less. As the guests finally left I pulled out the thin divorce agreement from my pocket and placed it in front of Sarah. "Sign it let's part ways peacefully.
"Why don't you ask for a few million Ryan is this all you're worth Sarah sneered as she poured the remaining wine from her glass onto the agreement instantly blurring everything. I forgot with Sarah's temperament how could she ever allow me to leave on my own terms In three years of marriage she never stopped trying to one-up her ex-fiancé. And the tools she used to do so were me and this marriage.
Chapter 2 Sarah had a childhood sweetheart named Elias. When he was pursuing his graduate studies at Peking University Elias and I shared the same mentor and dorm room. Unlike other wealthy heirs he wasn't distant and we quickly became close friends.
Sarah liked Elias and kept a closer eye on him than anyone else. It was common knowledge at Peking University. Because I was close to Elias Sarah pestered me into adding her on WeChat so she could constantly get updates.
At that time Elias was always exasperated saying Sarah was just overly dependent on him because she didn't have other playmates as a child. I could tell Elias didn't feel the same way about Sarah but despite all her efforts Sarah couldn't prevent Elias from meeting another girl while he was abroad for his doctorate. Sarah married me just before Elias returned home to get engaged.
The wedding was grand and extravagant stealing half of the guests from Elias's engagement party. I married Sarah not just because she paid off my father's medical bills and supported me through my doctorate. But also because she was the girl I secretly liked for two years.
However Sarah married me to make a statement to Elias. Marrying her ex-fiancé s good friend was the perfect way to show she had moved on. With her stubborn determination to win she tied us to this marriage for three whole years.
Sarah never changed she would summon me at will stay out all night as she pleased and come and go as she wanted. It was me who became more greedy not content with just the physical and superficial connection. But Sarah she never had room for me in her heart.
Even so when I took out that divorce agreement I never really thought Sarah would agree. She lit a cigarette and downed another drink then reached out to me. "What's this Did you only bring one agreement "Ryan you're not that determined to divorce me are you With Sarah's faint smile I felt like a clown in a drama playing the game of hard-to-get and failing miserably.
Sarah came home with me. After signing a big contract she was in a great mood and clung to me until nearly dawn. I had a class in the morning so I got up early.
After giving her a light kiss on the forehead as she slept I left the divorce agreement and a bank card on the bedside table. I was determined but it was always hard to follow through when those bright biting eyes of Sarah's were on me. After graduating with my doctorate I stayed at Peking University as an associate professor.
In my spare time I earned some money from writing and after my father passed away I sold the family's farmland in the countryside. Only then did I barely manage to save up enough to repay Sarah. For a 10 AM class I was already sitting in my office just after 8 when I received the dormitory approval notice.
Right then Professor Zhang from across the hall came over to gossip. "Professor Wang are you moving into the dorms "Did Boss Ku kick you out We men must learn to bend when necessary…" I didn't hear a word he said after that. After finishing my class I got some food and saw Sarah downstairs at the dormitory.
She was dressed in the new limited-edition autumn collection her tall figure and delicate makeup attracting attention. Two students who had just finished playing basketball were blocking her way asking for her WeChat. She looked slightly annoyed but when she saw me she ran over causing the two students to cast envious glances my way.
I pressed my lips together. Initially I was determined to divorce Sarah no matter what she came to the university to say. But she grabbed my sleeve her voice urgent "Ryan when are we going to the civil affairs bureau "I heard Elias is having a divorce abroad this time I must seize the opportunity Only when talking about Elias did Sarah's eyes shine brightly full of the vitality she had back when we were students.
It was only then that the bitterness of the strong Americano I had that morning began to hit me. Chapter 3 When Sarah and I got married Elias didn't attend and our bond as classmates and roommates gradually faded. Sarah heard about Elias's impending divorce from her parents.
The wife he met while studying abroad wasn't from a family of equal status. Although they spent most of their time overseas it was said that she was often sidelined by her in-laws. Elias had his wedding registered abroad and after the divorce his wife planned to return to complete her unfinished studies.
In the three years I've been married my in-laws have treated me well but in their hearts the ideal son-in-law has always been Elias. During holidays when our families would visit each other I was the most insignificant presence. Back then Elias's broken engagement and Sarah's sudden marriage to me seemed to cancel each other out so the long-standing friendship between the Chen and Ku families remained intact.
Whether at business banquets or family gatherings Sarah could still exchange a few words with Elias. On the way to the civil affairs bureau I remained silent for a long time the cold wind hitting my forehead finally clearing away all illusions and misplaced emotions. "Ryan you know I've always liked Elias right When I responded Sarah visibly relaxed and handed me two things: one was the bank card I had left on the bedside table that morning and the other was a check.
Simple and blunt. I accepted them thinking that if it could give her some peace of mind so be it. In the second week after moving into the dormitory I received an invitation to the Peking University alumni gathering.
The news of my divorce from Sarah was spreading like wildfire within our circle and no one expected me to show up at such a time. I was bored in the dormitory on a day off so I decided to go. "Did you hear right Ryan really walked away with nothing "Do you know what kind of person Sarah is Did you think she would truly love Ryan It was just a game.
There must have been a prenuptial agreement. "Poor Ryan. .
. Wait Ryan Haha long time no see. " The atmosphere in the room froze for a moment until I casually pulled out a chair at the end of the table and joined in the conversation as if nothing had happened.
Everyone present was a familiar face—mostly university classmates some of whom were graduate students at the same time. The gossip about those who weren't present was lively and energetic. It wasn't surprising that Sarah didn't come.
I could guess she was probably busy getting her hair done maintaining herself to look as young as her rival. With Sarah's family background and appearance she should have had no problem facing ten men like Elias with full confidence but. .
. well I didn't want to think about her anymore. As people were almost all there the host was about to call the waiter to start serving the dishes.
At that moment the door to the room was pushed open and a glamorous woman appeared holding a man's arm as they made a grand entrance. It was Laura my ex-girlfriend. Her gaze swept over everyone present before landing on me her bright red lips parting as she let out a mocking laugh.
"Oh isn't this Professor Wang "I heard you're getting a divorce How many shares did Sarah give you Should we start calling you President Wang I understood then—Laura had come specifically to laugh at me. Three years ago she tried to get back together and wanted to start a cultural company with me but I refused because of Sarah. The man Laura was holding must be her current boyfriend one of the most prominent young entrepreneurs in the city over the past couple of years.
Chapter 4 After graduating from university I decided to pursue a master's degree while Laura wanted to start her own business. We parted ways amicably contrary to the rumors I didn't dump her after getting a secure future. During the two years I was in graduate school Laura and I kept in occasional contact.
She didn't date anyone else and many of our old classmates said she was waiting for me but I didn't take it seriously. The year my father fell ill besides giving up my doctoral studies and marrying Sarah Laura offered me a third option. At that time she secured some investment and invited me to start a cultural and creative company together.
The initial funding was sufficient the position tempting and she even offered to advance my salary to help me through the difficult times. Cultural and creative industries were booming and Laura had accurately identified this opportunity for a class leap. I was grateful that she still thought of me.
But when Sarah with tears in her eyes clutched my arm and said that Elias had betrayed her I thought to hell with opportunities. If I didn't marry Sarah I would regret it for the rest of my life. Three years later I'm like a worn-out tire about to be discarded while Laura's cultural products are selling like hotcakes and she's on the verge of marrying the very investor who helped her.
This was the first alumni gathering Laura attended in three years and she was instantly surrounded by old classmates. They all marveled at Laura's keen insight how she chose the right path for entrepreneurship and the right person to be with. And the one they tactfully didn't mention the one without insight was undoubtedly me.
"Why didn't Professor Wang marry into the Ku family back then At least he would have gotten a sizable dowry. Laura's boyfriend suddenly spoke making everyone's expressions turn awkward. He walked over to me as if he hadn't noticed filling my glass with white liquor until it overflowed.
"Am I wrong How much can you make as a professor Isn't that right Professor Wang I thought of the check Sarah had handed me. Forget about one lifetime even in two lifetimes it would be hard to earn that much. But I just let it expire turning into a worthless piece of paper.
Maybe when I'm old I can take it out and brag to the ignorant youth about how much I sacrificed for love. The overflowing liquor dripped onto my pants a mix of contempt and humiliation but I had brought it upon myself. Forcing a smile I reached for the glass but before I could take it a fragrance swept over me.
A person's arm wrapped around my neck and another hand took the glass first spilling most of the liquor onto Laura's boyfriend. "I'm the last one to arrive so I'll punish myself with a drink first. Ryan and I will cover tonight's bill.
I watched as Sarah downed half the glass leaving Laura and her boyfriend with sour expressions. The other old classmates quickly caught on praising Sarah's generosity while subtly isolating Laura and her boyfriend. Sarah slightly tipsy leaned against me her pale face visibly flushed.
"Sorry honey I'm late. Chapter 5 Sarah was supposed to use the one-month cooling-off period during our divorce to draw a clear line between us. Yet she still came to the alumni gathering acting as close as ever making the idea of divorce seem ridiculous.
"My Wang is an academic he just loves teaching. "He doesn't care about being the CEO of the main company. What can I do If Laura always carried herself with a certain pretense Sarah when she wanted could blend in with anyone.
At that moment she carried a jug and a cup making her way around the table becoming the life of the party. She turned the alumni gathering into a lively event and I couldn't stop her without embarrassing her in front of our classmates. So I let her be.
Everyone praised us for our deep affection envying our marriage. Just as she approached Laura and her boyfriend the jug ran out of wine. Sarah rubbed her head pretending to be overwhelmed by the alcohol and stumbled into my arms.
The strained smiles on Laura and her boyfriend's faces instantly fell apart. Ignoring her boyfriend's attempts to console her Laura grabbed her bag and coat and left the gathering. I helped Sarah up apologized to the others paid the bill and took her to the car.
But Sarah clung to my shirt refusing to let go so I had no choice but to get into the car with her. "Sir Boss Ku came from an important business event. Should we head back No wonder they sent a business car today.
The driver asked me through the rearview mirror but Sarah was already asleep on my lap. No matter how important the event was she wasn't going back. I brushed aside the strands of hair tickling her forehead my fingers catching a familiar scent of fruity shampoo more intoxicating than the wine.
"Take us home. I could sense that Sarah was deliberately protecting me tonight and targeting Laura and her boyfriend. Sarah has always been a strong person.
If the puppy she raised was barked at by another she would be the first to bark back. Maybe Sarah just pitied me—a doctoral graduate and university professor yet still a bookworm who couldn't talk back when mocked. My phone buzzed a few times.
Not wanting to wake her I reached to silence it but saw a message from the host. [Boss Ku wasn't going to come but when I mentioned Laura was making fun of you she showed up in a flash. [There's no such thing as a couple who doesn't fight.
Go home and talk things through. Stop jumping to divorce every time. The white paper symbolizing love should have turned to ashes when Sarah handed me that check.
But now a faint ember flickered in my heart showing signs of rekindling. It was as if I just needed to add a little fuel to start a wildfire. But just as I was about to gather the first twig it began to rain.
I carried Sarah out of the car and up ahead a man slightly tilted his umbrella revealing a face half-covered in stubble. No longer the dazzling figure he was in university he looked more pathetic under the umbrella than if he were in the rain. Sarah woke up at that moment wriggled out of my arms and ran towards him.
She didn't care about the wind or rain only that her hands were quick enough to grasp that man. Elias had returned home after his divorce. Sarah was finally getting what she wanted.
I should congratulate her but I could only stand in the rain letting my tears cool. Chapter 6 The only clarity Sarah had left in her drunken state was to recognize Elias. Now she couldn't even find her own home.
I took the umbrella from the driver and walked towards the house across the way. As I waited for the housekeeper to open the door I moved the potted plants from the rain-drenched yard into the garage. This house was the one Sarah and I shared after our marriage and all the potted plants in and around the yard were planted and nurtured by me over the past three years.
Azaleas jasmines and begonias had all bloomed under my care—except for Sarah. She was like a misplanted stone unable to blossom no matter how much care she received. Elias helped Sarah as they stumbled closer his umbrella tilted leaving half of his clothes drenched.
Of course childhood sweethearts who know each other well are bound to bring more comfort and most importantly Sarah genuinely liked him. "Ryan it's been a long time. "It's so late where are you headed It had indeed been a long time since I'd seen Elias.
He didn't finish his doctorate before returning home to take over the family business living half the time abroad with his wife. For the past two years I've avoided being in the same place as him. Sarah had her own pride.
During Elias's marriage she never crossed any lines but she stood at a distance watching that loving couple with a look that evoked both pity and helplessness—like a child who couldn't get the candy they wanted. I was afraid that one day I wouldn't be able to resist punching Elias demanding to know why he broke off the engagement why he made Sarah suffer. But now I had no grounds to say anything.
Once the cooling-off period for the divorce ended whether Sarah's world was sunny or stormy would have nothing to do with me. "I have some matters to take care of at the university. And… we're in the process of getting a divorce.
Elias didn't say anything else. He continued to support Sarah as they walked towards the housekeeper. As I turned back towards the driver I felt a tug on my shirt.
Looking down I saw that Sarah's hand had grabbed hold of my shirt again. As she murmured "don't go" repeatedly I gently pulled my shirt free and got into the car. Sarah had just mistaken me for someone else.
When she wakes up and sees Elias she will surely be happy. After that day I didn't see Sarah again. When the cooling-off period for the divorce ended I sent her a message on WeChat asking to meet at the civil affairs bureau.
I took a day off and waited from morning until the end of the workday but Sarah never showed up. This was the marriage she was eager to end—no matter how important something else was it should have taken a back seat. Feeling uneasy I contacted her assistant only to be told that Sarah had been hospitalized due to a stomach perforation caused by excessive drinking.
The assistant also mentioned that Elias was planning to remarry and was preparing to leave his company behind to live abroad with his wife for an extended period. I went to the Chen family home where the emotions I had suppressed for the past three years surged through my fists over and over again aimed at Elias. What on earth did he take Sarah for Chapter 7 In terms of physique and strength I'm no match for Elias but when it comes to who's willing to go all out he's no match for me.
After the two Chen family drivers held me back and the Chen elders surrounded the bruised and battered Elias threatening to call the police and vowing to have me stripped of my title and job. I wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth glaring at Elias with a look that could peel the flesh from his bones. He knew everything—knew about Sarah's love and her waiting—yet he still gave her hope only to cruelly take it away.
Elias dismissed the drivers and his parents then sat down on the steps by the gate patting the spot next to him. As I sat down the spot where I'd just been kicked ached and I couldn't help but turn my head gritting my teeth in pain. "Ryan I didn't realize you genuinely cared about Sarah.
I guess I misunderstood these past few years. Yes that's what everyone close to us thought. They believed I married Sarah only to take advantage of her vulnerability that I had ulterior motives.
Whether my feelings were sincere or not everyone could question them—but Elias had no right. "You just got divorced and came running back to Sarah treating her like a backup plan a band-aid for your wounds. "Can you swear that you've always seen Sarah as nothing more than a sister a friend When Elias remained silent a bitter expression forming at the corners of his eyes I couldn't help but let out a cold laugh.
As a fellow man who couldn't guess what was really going on in the depths of his heart Just as I had avoided Elias these past three years hadn't he been avoiding me as well In the end he just wanted Sarah to stay where she was waiting for him to turn around. After I exposed Elias's hypocrisy he took a moment to process it before slapping himself hard across the face. He said that this time he didn't plan to return—that he was leaving the family and the company to his younger brother.
Finally he looked at me hesitating as if he wanted to say something waiting for his emotions to settle. "You and Sarah take care of each other. What future is there for Sarah and me She hadn't even fully recovered before we completed the divorce formalities.
I looked at the wide straight road ahead and when I turned back I realized that Sarah's figure had already disappeared from the narrow bridge. She walked away so quickly without fear or hesitation without a trace of regret. After that the days passed like sand through an hourglass—before I knew it most of the time had slipped away.
I was in my dorm room replying to emails when I received a call from my former mother-in-law. "Son-in-law Wang please go check on Sarah. She's not listening to us…" Chapter 8 I never expected that getting divorced would actually make my former mother-in-law acknowledge me.
She told me that Sarah wasn't managing the company nor was she staying home. Despite not having fully recovered she was out drinking every day turning from a distinguished businesswoman into a full-blown alcoholic. Tonight Sarah and a few of her rich spoiled friends were hosting a yacht party and one of the heiresses from an entertainment company had brought along her newly signed boy band members to join them.
When I boarded the yacht I saw Sarah on the illuminated deck sofa biting into an apple as she slowly leaned closer to one of the male artists. I walked over and draped my coat over her shoulders. It was the dead of winter and yet she was out in the cold sea breeze dressed so lightly and making a spectacle of herself.
My interruption clearly killed the mood for everyone present. "Isn't that Ku's Ph. D.
husband "We said no bringing significant others to the party didn't we Ku's breaking the rules. How should we punish her "Ku failed the last dare too. She definitely deserves a good punishment At that moment a woman handed me a glass of wine and I noticed the table behind her—they had been playing a game of truth or dare.
It seemed they didn't know that Sarah and I had divorced. I decided it was better not to make a scene so I tried to pull Sarah away but she yanked herself free with a hard shove. "Ryan Wang Mind your own business hic The smell of alcohol on her breath made me frown so I bent down and hoisted Sarah over my shoulder.
But as I turned to leave a few women blocked my way. "Don't be in such a hurry Dr Wang. We don't play on credit here.
How about you take Ku's punishment for her I didn't want to deal with this group but then someone got into the cockpit and started driving the yacht further out to sea. Now I couldn't leave so I had no choice but to put Sarah in a sheltered spot. "Alright what's the game Three punishments three dares.
If I refused one Sarah would have to drink three glasses of wine as a penalty. For the first two I awkwardly danced with the boy band members and loudly recited a love poem. But for the third someone who was too drunk grabbed Sarah's bag and tossed it into the sea.
"Dr Wang is so devoted to Ku How about you dive in and fetch her bag "You're being too harsh That bag has Ku's most treasured things in it. If you don't get it back she'll kill you when she sobers up. " "Hee hee maybe Dr Wang doesn't even know how to swim Even though they kept calling me "Dr Wang " it was clear that it was just another form of contempt.
The boy band members leaned against the railings with their drinks smirking as if to say "What's the point of having a Ph. D. You still have to entertain the rich just like us.
" I clenched my fists so tightly that my bones made a cracking sound. I wanted to end this farce right then and there. But the voice that came from the corner colder than the winter sea breeze made my heart sink.
Sarah had woken up. She was smiling at me but her eyes were as cold as the night sea. "Ryan can swim really well.
He even won awards at Peking University. "Ryan be a dear and fetch my bag for me okay As I closed my eyes and dove into the sea I told myself this would be the last time I'd do something foolish for Sarah. Chapter 9 In the dead of winter the sea was freezing and the night wind carrying the laughter from the yacht whipped past my ears.
I spotted the bag bobbing on the waves in the distance but no matter how hard I swam I couldn't close the gap. I thought about these three years of marriage. I thought about Sarah.
Sometimes she was so close that I could touch her cheek with a stretch of my hand and other times she was so far that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't even grasp the hem of her dress. Most of the time when I looked at the bright and radiant Sarah I thought she was just a mirage. At the end of it all shouldn't I at least try to hold on to something The waves and the wind stood in my way but I pushed through with my arms and body.
When the cold water had nearly sapped all my strength and warmth I finally grabbed the bag strap. It was soaked with seawater and dragging it felt like hauling a boulder. Those women said the important thing was what was inside the bag but when I opened it all I found were some cosmetics and a wrinkled photo floating in the salty water.
The moonlight was too dim tonight to make out the photo. It wasn't until the yacht's lights flickered again illuminating that familiar figure leaning against the bow clinking glasses with someone that I could see the photo clearly under the fireworks lighting up the night sky. In that brief moment of brightness I recognized the two people in the picture.
Sarah and Elias. This most important thing had drained the last bit of strength from me. Like a dying fish I was tossed by the waves my eyes stinging from the salt water and a sharp pain shot through the back of my head.
Sarah didn't even glance in my direction. Even if I were to disappear into the sea the only thing she might regret losing would be that crumpled photo. I thought of the nameless character in the novel I'd been writing who died chasing a mirage.
Now he has a name. His name is Ryan. "Ryan Ryan where are you "Ryan Stop calling me Sarah.
This time I'm really tired whether it's lying under the scorching sun or sinking into the quicksand. The moment I closed my eyes the mirage disappeared. "Who are you " I shielded my eyes from the blinding light the words tearing at my dry cracked lips causing a sharp pain.
The woman by the bed despite her haggard appearance couldn't hide her beauty. Her eyes widened brimming with unshed tears. "Ryan you don't remember me Chapter 10 Since the divorce Sarah has been tirelessly running around the hospital for me and she's lost a lot of weight.
The head nurse and doctors all say I'm lucky to have such a good wife lamenting the fact that I've lost my memory of her. But the truth is I just don't want to remember her. To be precise I'm pretending.
After the waves smashed the back of my head against the rocks the resulting hemorrhage and brain injury made amnesia a plausible outcome. The head doctor reviewed all the test results and could only shake his head at Sarah. And then Sarah started to cry.
The nurse told me that when I was pulled from the sea I was still clutching a photo in my hand which Sarah must have by now. So why is she crying We're already divorced. Even if I were dead she wouldn't be the one to mourn me.
During my hospital stay students came colleagues visited and even my former in-laws dropped by. The room quickly filled with gifts and flowers. Everyone tried to talk to me about Sarah attempting to help me remember her.
I got fed up and decided to discharge myself early. When I returned to the empty dorm I immediately wondered which thief was so hungry as to steal from me. But then Professor Zhang came by and told me that Sarah had taken all my things.
I didn't go back to our old home and I didn't answer Sarah's calls. I spent an entire day lying on the hard dorm bed and when I woke up I found Sarah curled up like a kitten at the door. The dorm had heating so she wasn't freezing but her cheeks and nose were still red.
Sarah's voice was raspy with a touch of her usual spoiled tone that tugged at the heart. "Ryan I regret it. Can you come home with me I wasn't sure what she was regretting—maybe making me jump into the sea maybe the divorce.
But what if I went back and one day Sarah regretted it again What would I do then I sympathized with Sarah for being Elias's backup. But if I went back and became her backup no one would sympathize with me. They'd just point fingers and call me shameless.
I gently pushed Sarah away locked the dorm door and secured the latch. "This is staff housing. Outsiders are not allowed.
"Ms. Liu can you check who she's a family member of I've had things go missing in my dorm we need to get the locks changed. Ms.
Liu didn't recognize Sarah and began questioning and registering her information. I hurried away almost running out of her sight. I spent the day sitting idly in my office.
When I returned to the dorm with a set of bedding delivered by a runner I saw Sarah sitting on the bed. For a moment I thought I was seeing a ghost. Chapter 11 To get into the dorm Sarah had to prove she was a family member.
With our marriage certificate taken by the civil affairs bureau she used our wedding photo instead. Now it was my turn to figure out how to prove we were divorced. Naturally she hadn't left me the divorce certificate when she took everything from the dorm.
I didn't go back home and she didn't leave. For the first time I understood what Elias meant when he described Sarah as being as clingy as a plaster. Just thinking about it made me feel miserable like a squeeze of lemon juice directly onto my heart—sharp and painful.
That night I left the bedding with Sarah and spent the night squeezing in with Professor Zhang. Sarah really dug in her heels at the dorm. Without a housekeeper or a cook she somehow managed to stick it out.
During the day she went to work in the afternoon she waited for me outside my office building. Within a week the entire campus knew about it—the powerful female CEO determined to win back her love. It was a cliché but it caught everyone's attention.
More and more people started showing up as self-appointed "love guardians " pestering me. In their eyes I was the villain for forgetting such a devoted woman. Not wanting to bother Professor Zhang any further I rented a small one-bedroom apartment off-campus—just enough space for myself.
I hoped Sarah would quickly forget about me. I didn't need her guilt or self-reproach. After all my supposed amnesia hadn't cost me any of my years of learning.
I was just pretending to forget her and it hadn't affected my life or work in any way. Sarah still showed up every day sitting across from me at dinner presenting the dishes she had learned to cook. Her fingers were covered in blisters from burns and cuts from the knife.
In the past she never even cooked herself. Even an apple had to be peeled and handed to her directly. Sarah wouldn't be able to keep this up.
When she got tired of this game of chasing after her husband she would leave on her own. Every grain of rice I swallowed felt like a stone heavy in my stomach making me seem cold and unyielding. After three days of heavy snowfall the view outside the window was filled with all sorts of snowmen.
Someone burst into my office the snow on their shoulders and shoes melting into puddles on the floor. "Professor Wang something terrible has happened Your wife slipped on the snow and there's a lot of blood Sarah had fallen just outside the crowded west gate. The spicy noodle soup she had bought was spilled all over the ground long since cold.
Just by looking at the packaging I could tell it was from my favorite place during grad school. Back then I used to take Elias there and Sarah always tagged along. The snow was dotted with small spots of blood and larger patches of it as well.
I couldn't tell where Sarah was hurt. I knelt on the ground at a loss and could only shout helplessly at the students gathered around. "An ambulance Someone call an ambulance now At that moment I felt a cool touch on my hand.
I turned my head and met those familiar mischievous eyes still lively and capable of piercing right through me. Sarah smiled as she sat up rubbing my face which had frozen in fear. "I tricked you I knew you were faking it.
" I shoved her away slipping and sliding in the snow fleeing as clumsily as I could. Chapter 12 If someone asked me if I still loved Sarah the answer would be yes. The poison of love doesn't fade so easily.
After trying for so long I've only managed to scrape away a few pieces from my bones just enough to get me onto a plane heading to North City. I completed my undergraduate master's and doctorate in Beijing. I got married here and my father died here.
I once thought I would never break free from the ties that bound me to this city. But now at the age of thirty it feels like most of my life is already behind me. I sat in the airport terminal clutching my boarding pass watching the storm clouds gather outside through the large windows.
The screens flashed with flight delays adding to my unease. Sarah called. I had avoided her for so long but since I was about to leave I decided to pick up the phone this one last time.
She didn't ask about my resignation nor did she ask where I was going. Her voice was light as if she was holding back a laugh. I looked around half-expecting her to jump out from some corner and startle me.
"Ryan do you still love me "I don't love you anymore and I'm too afraid to love you again. The words slipped out a reflex from the countless times I had rehearsed them in my mind. Hearing Sarah laugh on the other end my heart clenched then slowly relaxed.
But as she laughed her voice became strained as if she was crying or had been drinking. "Ryan I'm in so much pain I'm bleeding a lot. .
. Can you come see me I had already fallen for her trick once I wasn't going to be fooled again. Just then the announcement came over the loudspeakers that my flight was boarding.
No delays no cancellations and Sarah didn't show up at the airport to stop me. "I'm sorry Sarah. We both need to move on with our lives.
I hung up the phone and after a moment of thought I took out the SIM card I had used for the past ten years snapped it in half and threw it into the airport trash bin saying goodbye to the past. North City isn't far from my hometown and with my father buried here it didn't feel lonely. Here I was still "Professor Wang" to my colleagues and classmates though no longer "Associate Professor Wang.
The senior staff at the university were kind and often tried to set me up with their relatives. Eventually I jokingly told them I was divorced and had two sons which put an end to it. The university provided housing for professors and I adopted a cat.
Looking back it was probably foolish of me. The cat had no respect for its owner always baring its claws and being difficult but I liked it all the same. On sleepless nights I'd grab it and hold it close it was more effective than any sleep aid.
Years passed like this until one day during an academic exchange abroad I ran into Elias. He was there with his wife and children and as soon as he saw me his eyes turned red and he grabbed me by the collar. "Ryan where have you been all these years "Do you know that Sar.
. . Sarah is dead Chapter 13 The rain that never fell when I left Beijing finally came down in torrents accompanied by thunder and lightning.
I resigned quietly back then keeping it a secret from Sarah until I was already at the airport. Sarah had the car accident on her way to the airport. She was driving alone speeding the entire way and crashed into a large truck.
No wonder. No wonder I kept feeling like she would suddenly appear at the airport blocking my path and shouting "Ryan you're not allowed to leave How could it have been a car accident It would have been better if it were just another one of Sarah's pranks. After all she'd laughed at me so many times one more wouldn't have made a difference.
Elias told me that it was Sarah who convinced him to reconcile with his wife and that it was because of those three years of our marriage that Sarah gradually let go of her obsession. But letting Elias go was like undergoing major surgery for Sarah. The pain was too intense when she was sober so she turned to alcohol to numb herself afterward.
The divorce wasn't because she was still angry with her younger self. Sarah was still lost searching for a way to heal. It was my reckless leap into the sea that forced her to take drastic measures.
Later Sarah told Elias that she knew I was faking my amnesia. After all how could someone who didn't remember anything keep a stern face around her all day Sarah played along with me trying to make me happy but she never imagined that I was determined to leave. Elias waved to the little girl waiting in the distance who called out to him as "Daddy.
" His expression softened considerably. "The first responders told Sarah's aunt and uncle that she wanted to keep it from you. "But Ryan you should know that the person she loved when she died.
. . was you.
" I never imagined that one day I'd hear Elias say that Sarah loved me. After Elias left I drank a whole bottle of water but it couldn't wash away the bitterness in my heart. It was like a lemon seed had fallen onto my heart and been buried deep wrapped in flesh and blood.
I didn't know what to do with the bitterness. The connecting flight back to North City had a layover in Beijing giving me half a day there. I asked the senior colleague leading the team for permission to go into the city.
"Go ahead go ahead. I remember Professor Wang spent quite some time in Beijing. You must have a lot of friends here.
"No I'm going to see my love. I stepped out into the drizzle and in a daze I thought I saw a delicate girl leaping into a puddle in front of me. She smiled her eyes bright and captivating.
