[Music] and we were born on September 15th twin speak it's basically like you have a bag of spare parts no one ever actually uses a bag of spare parts you forget where you put it and it lives out its days trading stories with the box of cables and Chargers also this completely disconnected opening twins documentary shoot would be a terrible movie that I would be 1,000 times two times more excited to watch than the movie I'm about to have to sit through like when things are bad and we don't really got to say anything to
each other we just make these sounds it's like stealing our idea for using a sound as shorthand for when you really don't like something don't be surprised if we steal your noise later since we had the idea first this twin bottle is less efficient than just giving them two bottles it asks these two to just lay still you still have to prep two nipples and you still have the additional step of screwing everything together by the way just laying there prepping two and then screwing everything together was my college girl the creative mind behind putting
huge CGI asses on babies is still allowed to roam free marching with a French horn instead of a Mellophone movie doesn't know how to ban geek correctly drink the pink that's funny I'm sorry Jack no one is concerned or intrigued by Tim Meadows teleporting from standing 10 ft away on Jack's right to directly next to him on the left the Dunkin Donut people want to talk to us and a few years later they would change the name to Duncan in an effort to distance themselves from this movie also making the main character an advertising in
Guru is such a clear pathway to unabashed product placement that I'd almost give Sandler some props for it if it hadn't resulted in me having to think about eating Dunkin Donuts and drinking Pepto Bismol within 30 seconds of each other although now that I think about it we can't lose Dunkin Donuts they're our biggest client they never bring up how Wild it is that their biggest client is ready to jump ship over one commercial instead the story ignores his failing business to focus on how annoying his sister is only have 200 employees relying on us
and they are all on the set of this Pepto commercial right now for some reason she converted right that's so cool she doesn't look Jewish at all discount Napoleon Dynamite looks just as surprised as I am that this dialogue made it into the final cut this alarm will go off at 3:30 in the morning and these two will now immediately jump into a full coherent conversation as if that's normal and this isn't a conversation that could have happened yesterday pulling up to the departures pickup and then walking into the baggage claim like you don't know
that zone is for loading and unloading only you freak mom always said it's better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it oh yeah she did say that I remember that that was cool if you told me each side of this conversation was done with a different script I would believe you Sophia show Otto your karate moves but please wait about 25 seconds so your parents can finish their conversation before we get to the hilarious trauma of the unhoused everyone got a little bit of everything on their plate
is it moved around a bit with some silverware close by and water no one drinks anything but water right what about the roll with one bite out of it everyone got one of those seriously I'm not resting till it looks like you all took a single roll took one bite out of it and then just left it alone for the rest of the meal the prop Department guy probably you I sit next to you you so all of a sudden I'm not going to sit here this seating chart's on for all the some time Gary
is that you no one will be seated during The Madam Sandler makes small talk with every member of the family for 60 seconds portion of the film they in pville what what is that that movie called It's a Wonderful Life no no with Jimmy Stewart maybe it's the one where Jimmy Stewart plays the female twin version of himself that is so ridiculously ignorant that it's impossible to see her as an authentic character or find anything she does funny instead of desperate oh Jimmy Stewart didn't make one of those weird what what are you doing right
now the authenticity in this confusion Rivals that of mine wait did Gary secure this salt shaker to his head in the 4 seconds since we saw him last and why use the salt shaker instead of the pepper grinder at least then you could call yourself a unip peppercorn tell me you don't feel this maybe if you did it harder what's pagogo movie doesn't correctly answer this question with it's what I would Pudo right pan now if this weren't my P job this is really awkward I'm going to go seems they have somehow collected dialogue people
leaving the theater and retroactively included it in the script as well I love how nice we are to this homeless man a person we don't even know who probably is pretending to be homeless you don't look homeless to me you're fat you're alqaeda leaving me confused about which part of this tirade I should call out to score the most woke points I'm sleeping out here in the woods at least the animals will be nice at best they will be indifferent but considering your life strategy of startling the out of everyone and everything a clawing out
of the eyes and self-defense is more likely this video say says it's showing in 240p but the resolution looks pristine also these suggested videos all contain the phrase freak out as if YouTube suggests videos based on Search terms instead of similar channels and whatever other feeds their algorithm and to be clear when I say I mean you love me yesterday algorithm what Chang you fickle bastard will you get that sure the ringing is terrible but no one here is addressing that someone was clearly holding up their phone to video this live play and I'm just
saying there's room for at least one more and cell phone prison which should absolutely be a thing and I'll make it a thing if you would let me president my name is Jeremy and I approve this message director said give this family a big freaking bowl of artichokes peppers and apples along with another huge ass bowl of fruit behind them on the counter and a small Tower of apples over next to the toaster it will make me look like an trying to justify this movie's $80 million budget the Magnolia branch in the backyard could fall
off any time oh man they dragged poor Juno derz into this mess yeah I had the whole family come over even my y Rosa snu across the border these kids are way too into this immigration humor also surely Felipe will do more in this scene than try to endear me with cringey immigration jokes I do Impressions too when immigration shows up I do a great impression of a tree well at least he couldn't possibly keep this up the entire movie nice to meet you oh I get it they're going to Jill appears to be dressed
like a flasher for reasons I feel the need to console non-americans unlucky enough to be watching this abroad pop-up Pony rodeos are not a real thing and they can't hurt you oh my God this ecoin must be euthanized now are you laughing now Sandler hint he is laughing this is what happens when you employ the same VFX team as ax twin what are you doing why can't I just lay with you better question how did you get behind him on this couch without waking him up Jill sadin come on down you're the next contestant on
The pric is right all right Jill go ahead and spin the wheel oh man they ski right over the bidding round I guess at this point I'd rather just watch an episode of the price is right also the movie misses the perfect opportunity to establish a happy Madison tradition of fighting the host of The Price is Right Gary sop come on guys $1 you must be 18 to attend the taping of The Price is Right after spending some time at your house I'm beginning to think that your company going bankrupt has less to do with
you losing Dunkin Donuts as a client and more to do with you embezzling [Music] funds how long after Sandler typed Jack and Jill do synchronized farting into final draft do you think he laughed 3 minutes considering how long this Scene goes on I'm taking the over also this scene when we get to see Jack and Jill eat popcorn scratch their crotches and fart has been brought to you by Coca-Cola movie thinks it's clever by having them go see Some Like It Hot forgetting that there is no possible way this many people would go to the
theater to see a classic movie from the 50s when they could watch White Chicks at home and match the theme much better does Aaron sleep fully dressed with her hair and makeup done does she prepare for bed as if she will be awoken with only 3 minutes to make an emergency Target run glad to see this creepy doll that is always dressed exactly like Sophia will continue to be an important character I need a man this getting rid of your twin sister movie making a hard right turn into becoming a get your twin sister laid
movie yes yes it is IND is are really amazing lately they're just leading the pack I read in Time Magazine they're number one China's number two the Jews we're back to number three quoting from the Time magazine article we ranked the world's ethnic stereotypes for accuracy you'll never guess where the Jews landed this layout is horrendous Jack's office takes up a third of the space the conference room is a table in the middle of the office and the basketball hoop has been relegated to the corner a ham this good only comes once a generation like
me I did not need to know how often Shaquille O'Neal comes I give this ham four rings that's a hell of a good ham right there I feel like Shaq's instructions here were along the lines of do something that vaguely resembles the qualities of funny but make sure it never crosses into actual humor we got to make that paccino thing happen everybody's really nervous around here oh good Tim is back to remind us of the awful premise movie is now try to make me feel something for a character that has spent half an hour establishing
as the most annoying human to walk the planet and movie is not succeeding hey not being in tune with any of the at least three senses that likely could have clued you into a visitor in the bathroom but it has to be done wow it should be noted that this child currently has a bird taped upside down to his back that is supposedly just silently sitting there and the only way that's happening is if the bird is no more what are you going to wear daddy in Hell kids you fun bucket yeah that's me I
see they brought in comedian nor McDonald to do nothing funny at all as jills she's all that'ss her way down these stairs to some Manalo I can't help but be distracted by why the interior decorator decided to completely ruin the symmetry of this stairway by putting this identical piece of furniture against a different wall than the other one and I may not actually be invested in whatever the is happening in this movie anymore he must have gone out to get the mayor scene does not contain a bow being afraid why why are you an idiot
being confused about a naturally occurring phenomenon oh po Wally Zoom goly goly that means I want to choke on my own vomit inventing a secret language as a child and taking time to make sure there is a phrase for emedic asfixiation hey you got us in the game having the power to get Johnny Depp at the height of his Pirates Fame and Al freaking Pacino to do a tossa away scene in your terrible comedy no one should have that much power especially not K te boy it was cats and dogs 3 and we were sitting
in the same row since cats and dogs 3 Paul unite didn't come out until 2020 you either both traveled there in a time machine or you're responsible for that movie coming into existence I'm sinning you either way also cats and dogs three came out straight to video during the height of the pandemic so either that world premiere was at your house or you've got some super spreader splaining to do no no it's it's like the C drops Guy The Smith's Brothers acting natural were you in Durand Duran yes yes I was Johnny Depp may be
the funniest part of this movie and honestly how would that not be a sin compliments to Mr Pacino remember has it that Al says this every time he gives a woman his wiener we'll sit and talk about it on New Year's they hit this postal box which immediately disappears and does no damage to the front of their vehicle whatsoever and because the US Postal Service is a government entity I think that this is now considered a continuity felony oh yeah oh God I'm going to miss I'm going to miss you guys too especially on New
Year I'm not saying that humor can't be found in the simple act of putting underwear on just that this time it wasn't oh I knew that was going to be big purposely ignoring the warnings on the Q-tip box that says do not insert directly into ear if you're only going to make a gross terrible unfunny joke afterwards how does it work Mr Sub boy family but tell me more just just Jared's fine call you Jared okay sure just 10 sandwiches a day to me that that seems too much almost like a job I couldn't do
that I don't need that many no okay okay here's the situation you're here it's not a Subway inight you're at a steak house like what do you eat what do you eat I I need other things oh you do you do I knew you were cheating that's why there's so much goo left AR you I and then it's on to a table with the Shamwell guy who was arrested for beating up a sex worker and Bill romanoski who was currently in trouble for back taxes this movie is cursed meanwhile Billy Blanks here is still doing
free Taio videos on YouTube at the age of 67 and why don't we have a solid documentary about him yet Hollywood it's Jack with boobs Jack with boobs sure are a lot of people at this party just finding out how identical twins work this guy doesn't believe in God get it it's a John macenroe and he's angry Cameo do you get it make the wish already I'm hungry don't be startled it's only me hi the hell is alpacino here and by here I mean in this movie not just the coat closet I see they brought
in comedian Gad elay to do nothing funny at all it's a Sony iPod how cute this room has too many goddamn lamps you going to take this stick with two hands right wonder if Sandler's elevator pitch for this movie was Al paccino seduces a female version of Me by playing stickball in his home for 5 minutes and the execs were like the light could not be greener oh I'm sure you have others though H you'd think it but uh oddly enough I don't what was that you said about vanity Al vanity definitely my favorite set
agree it is time for my salvation because finally I found the one woman with all her rough human and charm who will lead me back to sanity damn Pacino is not phoning in he is trying to Adam Sandler right now and I'm wondering why Sandler didn't just go with it we play soccer eat steal white people's wallets what did you say I'm kidding I'm kidding this character's entire existence is just to make lame and possibly problematic jokes then pretend it's okay because he's joking I'm sorry did I say character I meant movie it flew in
my bread we must never forget the Adam Sandler Kevin James pratfall Wars of the early 21st century May history teach us L we repeat it the act as if the grandmother's jealousy was the only thing wrong with [Applause] this gender gambling is that Al Pacino are you kidding me how you doing you could and should just invite him in at this point this is the guy you've been trying to set up meetings with for the whole movie and now he's at your door why are you trying to have a conversation over the intercom how did
you get over the fence you mean this fence oh look now that the whole family isn't standing on the stairs someone fixed the symmetry of the furniture it's almost like this house is decorated specifically for a series of manufactured visual shots sleeps with someone no no no no no that's that's a bird that's not a human no no problems oh there are some obvious problems here one being that birds don't have sweat glands or pores I end up talking to lemon trees I mean I'm getting the sense that if the check clears you would absolutely
do a talking lemon tree movie yeah every got to go make some chocolate squirties Aaron don't be disgusted be amazed at the odds of you eating pudding at this moment I spent the day at Felipe's picnic where I finally felt welcome by everybody I took try this new food for the very first [Music] time Adam Sandler turns a movie production into a fancy vacation cliche have a chocolate bed chocolate is toxic for birds hope Poopsy enjoys his seizure I'm not saying that humor can't be found in the simple Act of taping a lobster to a
child just that this time it wasn't having a cell phone pocket in your kingly robes this reminds me of that boat movie with Leonardo Titanic what the is up with this Crystal Clear audio through the foam from 40 ft away on a giant noisy boat in the middle of the ocean this movie is now purposely finding ways to be even more stupid they got Bruce Jenner Playing Lord ribbers I don't even know how to unpack this I can smell horny across an ocean is something they had sir alpacino say in this movie and yeah I
know we don't give s out over here but if we did you damn well know Pacino would have one of them everyone gathers around to watch them jump rope proving what I've long suspected cruises are the worst treating me like some sort of proster twin that's bad and a Le the bird is now drinking Jack Daniels because whenever the movie isn't sure how to put a tag on a scene someone shouts have Poopsy do something Dum Jack survives this this bathroom attendant looks like the type of guy that wants a car with a good steering
wheel that doesn't fly off while you're driving all right where is He Man he said Portside I'm Port where am I supposed to be Jack becomes another victim of being snuck up on by a helicopter So Adam Sandler's character Jack is now in drag to pretend to be Adam Sandler's character Jill who's just Adam Sandler in Drag and dry exception is an or boros of bad taste eating its own ass okay before we move on I would like to play the following mock Spanish and how the subtitles on the blue ray interpreted them and I
think I speak for everyone when I say what the you do me the honor of just lift up those girls early arms I just haven't shaved under there in many many years a concern that makes no sense because you have long sleeves on my senses have been so dled by this movie that I wish I were being tickled by alucino just to feel something can I work in with you guys she will be much stronger than these very manly men and I guess I'm supposed to think that's funny these two over here talking at this
machine like no one else in the gym might want to use it there's a bar on prominade deck if you want to socialize nuts this safety clip on the left side of the barbell was not here a moment ago and for some reason and this discontinuity never reaches the other side meaning they have been unsafely lifting these weights the entire time hello hello hello I don't understand are you mocking my voice right now there's no logical reason for Jack to pick up his phone right now it's not like there's an urgent call he's waiting for
and the only person who would understand why he's talking in this voice is the bathroom attendant who fixed his breasts Jack speak in your regular Voice or on skip don't hit a girl with a chair on the first date normally I would agree but shiv kind of goes out the window when she comes at you with a broken bottle I see an angel with a broken wing that's right Pacino will now try to drag this movie to the finish line by monologuing some about this movie having some deep meaning about the way siblings see each
other when we all know that Sandler's real purpose was just to see if he could get Samuel Arnold to turn over in his grave I see a brother who all he got all his life was everything all the glory all the accolades everything since they were two how the did he see all those things that occurred while they were growing up is he their father oh my God that mean don't I annoy everybody it's been pretty obvious for the entire movie that Jill doesn't annoy your wife and kids and the current situation would suggest she
mostly makes alpacino horny oh the heck with that commercial I'm going to see my Wate you see the only true way to know if someone cares about you is if they give up something really important in their life for you I've learned so much from the movies she went home God what am I going to do probably go to her home this problem is infinitely surmountable I think Jill is sad because she's being made to carry two full bags of product placements this movie is honestly doing a fullon emotional ballot push now and nope I'm
not wearing underwear it's near Eve I'm not wearing underwear it's a random Tuesday oh who' you hook up with Rob Schneider giving Schneider sh for being smart enough to avoid this train Rick inventing the word Maga in 2011 m not pictured mules movie thinks Filipe is so one note that even his romantic gesture would involve Landscaping also the longer you think about that the more racist it feels do you make me feel like like I just climbed out of the trunk of my cousin's car after driving 1100 mil across the border crossing the border lengthwise
this must never be seen by anyone considering he couldn't possibly be talking about this Banger of a dunino commercial everyone wants my dun cacino can't get enough of my dunino I have to assume he's talking about this God forsaken movie thinking that all it takes to make this Fiasco endearing is to bookend it with a mid-credits montage of actual twins sharing their real life experiences ah [Music] a why do I have to have such diarrhea I got to be a Sesame Street by one go ahead and spin the wheel whenever you're ready my ham is
good only comes once a generation you're not the crazy hot masseus are you what's going on with the beard just just Jared's fine you're the Sham wow man right yeah am I crazy or is she hot you crazy Jack with believe this guy doesn't believe in got zier my guy will bake it they got Bruce Jenner Playing Lord ribbers well I guess he settled for second best and I ordered a double double but they gave me the double double double double [Music] oo some twins have strange powers powers activate I was picturing someone more fun
or buckety are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky 3 and that you bet against Rocky come here he must have gone out to get the may you know all he wants to do is play Twisted with your assist nice Rhymes whoa funny meeting you here when the hits the fan some guys run and some guys stay I'm lost bu I am I made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make that's the way he makes you see yourself you want to know what I see great ass when I think of
asses woman's ass something comes out of me
