I have trained the finest Warriors from across 17 Galactic sectors I announced to my fellow instructors pacing back and forth in the observation deck of the galactic defense Academy but never in my 300 cycles of service have I encountered something quite like this Commander zuro PX flicked his sensory tendrils in agreement all six of his eyes fixed on the application hologram floating before us a human cior they want us to accept a human into our prestigious Academy I laughed the sound echoing through my thoracic Chambers like gravel in a Quantum mixer not just any human
Commander according to these records this one holds several Earth records for something called Parkour in competitive obstacle racing what in the name of the Void is parkour the Academy's pristine White Walls and floating platforms stretched out below us a testament to 10,000 cycles of military Excellence countless species had proven their worth on these training ground s the Nimble arachnids of Proxima 7 the powerful uranians with their crystalline exoskeletons even the gaseous beings of the neptunian clouds but a human a creature from a death world with gravity so crushing it would turn most sentient species into
organic paste assistant instructor vix salax cleared his throat a sound like wind whistling through Quantum tunnels perhaps we should review her physical data again senior instructor what's there to review I gestured at the Hologram with three of my appendages Maya Rodriguez age 22 Earth Cycles height pathetically small weight barely enough to register on our scales the only remarkable thing is that she survived being born on that nightmare Planet they call Earth the doors to the observation deck slid open with a soft hiss and Cadet blinx entered his carrus gleaming under the artificial lights senior instructor
the human candidate has arrived already Commander zuro Pack's color membranes flickered with surprise she wasn't scheduled to arrive for another three rotations I turned toward the landing pad visible through the transparent walls expecting to see a transport ship beginning its descent instead my Optical receptors detected a small figure standing at attention directly below us wearing the standard issue Cadet uniform how did she vix salax began but his words trailed off as we watched the human perform a precise military salute according to the arrival logs blint talkx reported his antenna twitching nervously she reached the academy
entrance on foot on foot I repeated my voice modulator crackling with disbelief the nearest Spaceport is 30 kopac away through the razor mountains yes senior instructor she said she wanted to quote warm up before her evaluation Commander zuro pax's color membrane shifted to a pale yellow a sign of extreme concern among his species warm up the razor mountains have claimed the lives of 16 experienced climbers this cycle alone I activated the external communication array Cadet Rodriguez report to the observation deck immediately yes senior instructor the response came back crisp and clear followed by movement that
my Optical processors initially failed to track the human disappeared from her position and before my neural synapses could process the change the observation deck doors slid open again there she stood not even Breathing heavily her dark hair perfectly regulation length her uniform without a single wrinkle Maya Rodriguez smiled and I felt my exoskeleton tingle with an unfamiliar Sensation that I would later recognize as Primal Fear thank you for accepting my application senior instructor cior she said her voice carrying an undertone that my translator struggled to classify as either respect or Amusement I look forward to
proving that humans can be valuable additions to the galactic Defense Force I exchanged glances with Commander zuro PX whose color membranes had shifted to an even paler shade of yellow in that moment I realized we had made a terrible mistake in assuming that Earth's crushing gravity was a disadvantage we hadn't considered what it meant to evolve on a planet that turned most species into organic paste we hadn't considered what it meant to be a death world behold Cadet Rodriguez the legendary endurance Valley I announced sweeping all four of my primary arms toward the horrifying expanse
before us 10,000 cycles of military Excellence have been forged in this training ground only the elite survive its challenges the human stood at the edge of the cliff hands clasped behind her back surveying the 100 kilometer course with what my emotional sensors registered as inappropriate enthusiasm below us stretched a natural nightmare that had broken the spirits of the Galaxy's finest Warriors the current record assistant instructor vix salax offered helpfully is held by Cadet blint seven standard days with only two major bone fractures and minimal psychological trauma blint clicked his mandibles proudly the secret is pacing
yourself through the acid rain Plains many Cadets Rush that section and end up dissolving their exoskeletons Maya nodded pulling out a small device from her pocket my sensors identified it as an ancient Earth time piece a wristwatch if the database was correct 7 days that seems a bit lengthy mind if I check the course map again Commander zuro pac's color membranes rippled with barely contained indignation lengthy this course begins with the crushing pools where the liquid metal exerts pressure equivalent to the core of a gas giant then comes the plasma storm Canyon followed by the
pre previously mentioned acid rain planes after that assuming you survive you face the quantum Razer wire field the anti-gravity Maze and finally the mountain of Perpetual Avalanche don't forget the psychic leech swamp vixel added though we did have to reduce the leech population after that unfortunate incident with the telepathic monks from Sirius beta Maya was making notes on her data pad her expression worryingly cheerful and we're allowed to use any natural abilities or evolutionary advantages correct of course I replied my thoracic Chambers rumbling with Amusement though I failed to see what evolutionary advantages a death
worlder could possibly my voice trailed off as she began doing something bizarre with her limbs stretching them in ways that made several nearby Cadets ammit distress pheromones perfect she said rolling her shoulders quick question is there a minimum time requirement like would it be a problem if I finished too quickly the Gathering of instructors erupted in what humans might call laughter though ours involved more clicking whistling and color membrane fluctuations too quickly instructor roix weeed through his respiratory tubes I'll bet my entire cycle salary she doesn't make it past the crushing pools I'll take that
bet Maya said grinning in a way that showed far too many teeth in fact I'll bet I can complete the entire course in under an hour the silence that followed was so profound that we could hear the distant Screech of metal eating bacteria in the Razer wire field commander zuro pac's color membranes went completely white a reaction I'd only seen once before when we accidentally opened a portal to the void Dimension during Cadet orientation an hour the evaluation of the course map alone takes three days right Maya said typing something into her data pad so
about that bet anyone else want in I'm sure my first paycheck as a Cadet won't cover much but the Bing pool exploded faster than a Quantum grenade within minutes every instructor had wagered at least a month salary even the kitchen staff monitoring through the security feeds were sending in their bets the odds board hastily projected by vix elac's computational implant gave Maya odds of approximately 1 trillion to one just to be clear Maya said now doing something horrifying with her neck that made a series of popping sounds when I win I get all of that
right when you win blinds and tenny twitch spasmodically the statistical probability of completing this course in under an hour is lower than spontaneously evolving into a five-dimensional being I raise my primary appendages for silence adopting my most intimidating instructor pose Cadet Rodriguez as senior instructor I feel obligated to remind you that no one is forcing you to attempt this course today the standard evaluation period allows for proper preparation meditation and the drafting of your final will in Testament Maya checked her primitive time piece again thank you senior instructor but I've already warmed up with that
Mountain Run earlier besides she added stretching her legs in a way that produced more unsettling Pops I skipped breakfast and I heard the academy cafeteria serving something called Ultra spicy plasma Peppers today wouldn't want to miss that as she stepped closer to the edge of the cliff I noticed something that sent a shiver through my exoskeleton she was smiling not the nervous smile of a Cadet facing their greatest challenge but the confident smile of a predator spotting particularly slow prey oh she added almost as an afterthought you might want to have your monitoring drones ready
I'd hate for anyone to miss footage of their winning bet with that she turned to face the course bouncing slightly on what humans call toes The Gather crowd of instructors Cadets and support staff held their breath or equivalent respiratory functions as Maya Rodriguez prepared to either make history or become a cautionary tale about the dangers of death world or overconfidence none of us realized we were about to witness something that would force a complete rewrite of the Academy's training manual begin course evaluation in three 2 I barely finished saying one when Maya Rodriguez disappeared from
the cliff Edge not in the usual way Cadets disappeared screaming while plummeting toward the crushing pools but in a controlled dive that made my gravity sensors malfunction by the void vix salax whispered his sensory stalks extending to their full length is she laughing she was indeed laughing a sound that carried clearly through our monitoring devices as she plummeted toward the liquid metal surface most species took hours planning their descent usually constructing makeshift gravity dampeners or studying wind patterns Maya just kept falling her body rotating in ways that defied several laws of physics she's going to
Splatter Commander zuro Pac said his color membrane cycling through shades of distress someone activate the emergency retrieval system wait blint interrupted his mandibles clicking rapidly look at her trajectory Maya had spotted something none of us had noticed in 10,000 Cycles a series of protruding Crystal formations in The Cliff face as she fell she kicked off each crystal in sequence bleeding momentum in a precise pattern that would have made a supercomputer jealous each impact produced a sound like a gunshot the crystals fracturing under forces that should have pulverized human bones she hit the liquid metal pool
at an angle that made my structural Integrity sensors scream in sympathy but instead of sinking into the crushing depths she skipped across the surface like a throne Stone each bounce precisely calculated the ripples in her wake formed complex interference patterns that even our most advanced physics students would spend weeks analyzing impossible one of the junior instructors muttered the surface tension alone should have time check Maya's Voice crackled through our communicators 3 minutes 42 seconds these pools are fun like a giant Mercury trampoline I watched in growing horror as she reached the edge of the crushing
pools her momentum carrying her straight toward the plasma storm Canyon most Cadets spent at least a day studying the storm patterns plotting safe routes through the ionized chaos Maya pulled something from her pocket a simple metal bar that extended into what she later called a pole vault before any of us could process the implications she planted it at the Canyon's Edge and launched herself upward she's going over the storms vixx's voice Rose to a pitch that threatened to shatter nearby crystalline life forms that's not there's no regulation against the human projectile soared over the plasma
storms that had claimed countless Cadets her trajectory a perfect Arc that would have brought tears to a mathematician's eyes she tucked into a roll as she landed on the other side her momentum carrying her straight into the acid rain Plaines time check 7 minutes 15 seconds she sounded like she was having the time of her life quick question does acid rain really count as rain if it's not water-based the gathered crowd watched in stunned silence as Maya sprinted across the corrosive landscape where other Cadets crawled under protective Shields or developed complex chemical neutralization strategies she
simply ran the acid droplet sizzled against her uniform but she didn't slow down her endoskeleton should be dissolving Commander zurac said weakly why isn't her endoskeleton dissolving humans don't have endos sir blendx offered they have internal bones and apparently their skin has remarkable acid resistance properties we tracked her progress through the quantum razor wire field next most Cadets spent days carefully mapping safe paths through the probability Maze of monomolecular strands Maya simply pulled out a small device that she called a compass and ran straight through that's not physically possible vix salax protested the quantum uncertainty
princip alone time check 12 minutes 30 seconds Maya's voice was barely winded by the way your razor wire could use some maintenance several sections have developed deterministic patterns the anti-gravity maze posed an interesting challenge Cadets usually relied on Specialized equipment to navigate the chaotic zones where up became down and sideways became Inside Out Maya treated it like some sort of three-dimensional playground bouncing off surfaces that shouldn't have provided purchase using the gravity inversions to build momentum she's actually manipulating the field distortions one of our physics instructors noted with a mix of horror and admiration the
chaotic energy is responding to her movements like like like she's dancing with it I finished watching as she pirouetted through a particularly nasty gravity well that had once turned three Cadets inside out as she emerged from The Maze Maya checked her primitive time piece again 15 minutes 45 seconds hey is it true that the mountain of Perpetual Avalanche is actually Perpetual because I have a theory about the rock formation patterns Commander zuro Pac turned to me his color membranes Now cycling through Shades that indicated severe existential crisis cior what exactly did we just let into
our Academy I watched as Maya began scaling the mountain that had never known A Moment's Peace in recorded history her movements Swift and precise she wasn't fighting the constant flow of rocks and debris she was using it riding Avalanches like waves letting the chaos work for her instead of against her we LED in a death worlder I replied my voice modulator barely functioning through the shock a creature evolved on a planet that treats every moment as a survival challenge we thought we were testing her limits I paused watching as she reached the mountains peak in
what would become record time I don't think she has any time check Maya's voice rang out again now from the highest point of our supposedly unbeatable course 20 minutes even just a psychic leech swamp left right those little guys better be hungry because I'm making great time as she began her descent toward the final challenge I realized something that would change the way we approached training forever we hadn't built an obstacle course too hard for cadetes to beat we'd built one too easy for a human to take seriously should we warn the leeches vix salax
asked nervously I shook my head all four primary arms crossed in resignation let them learn about death worlders the same way we did behind us the betting odds board spontaneously combusted the psychic leech swamp stretched before Maya like a nightmare painted in bioluminescent horror floating creatures that look like brain matter crossed with jellyfish drifted through the phosphorescent Mist their tendrils twitching with hungry anticipation you know Maya's voice crackled with our communicators on Earth we have these things called music festivals this swamp kind of reminds me of the dance floor at 3:00 a.m. Commander zuro PX
turned to our xenobiologist what is she talking about no idea sir the scientist replied frantically taking notes but her brain patterns are strange the leeches seem confused we watched as Maya stepped into the swamp moving with the same confident stride she shown throughout the course the nearest psychic leeches drifted toward her their feeding tendrils extending then something unprecedented happened the leeches recoil are they screaming vix salax asked adjusting his audio receptors through our monitoring devices we could detect the telepathic frequencies emitted by the leeches what we heard would haunt our dreams for Cycles to come
too loud too many thoughts Make It Stop Maya joged through the swamp occasionally dodging a leech that hadn't yet learned its lesson time check 23 minutes 12 seconds hey these little guys are kind of cute they remind me of my pet jellyfish back home she keeps pets that could potentially eat her brain a junior instructor's exoskeleton rattled with horror humans keep lots of dangerous creatures as pets blint talkx offered his research protocols apparently still functioning despite his shock they called them cats and dogs and something called a hamster we watched as Maya reached the center
of the swamp where the oldest and largest leech a creature we called the Grand matriarch descended from its perch this entity had broken the minds of our strongest psychic Cadets it had once reduced a Quantum monk to tears just by showing him the true nature of reality the grand matriarch extended its Consciousness toward Maya for a moment everything went quiet then the ancient ient creature emitted a telepathic shriek that overloaded half our monitoring equipment and retreated to its cave broadcasting one clear message never again too much caffeine why are there so many song lyrics time
check 25 minutes Maya called out cheerfully those jellies are super friendly one of them tried to show me the fundamental meaninglessness of existence but I showed it some cat videos I keep in my memory I think we're best friends now Commander zuro P's membranes had gone completely transparent a sign of total cognitive shutdown she she weaponized human pop culture against a class five psychic entity Maya emerged from the swamp covered in bioluminescent residue that made her look like a walking constellation several smaller leeches followed her bobbing through the air like devoted pets look at her
neural activity our xenobiologist whispered she's simultaneously singing something called Bohemian r capsid in her head solving differential equations for optimal running speed planning her lunch and is that a shopping list 28 minutes Maya announced stretching her legs again mind if I run the course backward you know just to make sure I didn't miss anything cool backward the word escaped from all our speech organs simultaneously before anyone could engage emergency protocols Maya turned and sprinted back into the swamp the leeches scattered like startled Birds some some actually hiding behind rocks this defies every law of physics
we know vix salax muttered watching as she used a Quantum razor wire as a zipline back through the field she's treating fundamental forces of nature like playground equipment we tracked her progress back through each obstacle her speed actually increasing the acid rain seemed to bounce off her now the droplets sizzling in her way creating patterns that our atmospheric scientists would study for years she reached the plasma storm Canyon again but this time she did something that caused several instructors to faint instead of going over the storms she went through them the lightning is ticklish her
laughter carried through the storms like thunder it's like that time I stuck a fork in an electrical socket as a kid she deliberately induced electrical discharge as a child Commander zuro pax's translator nearly shorted out for fun Maya hit the crushing pools again but now she was moving so fast that she literally ran across the liquid metal surface her feet moving faster than our tracking systems could monitor physics professors across three galaxies would later request copies of this footage then deny its authenticity 35 minutes she called out racing back up The Cliff face using handholes
that didn't exist before she made them anyone else hungry I'm thinking about those plasma Peppers she reached the top of the cliff somehow even clean cleaner than when she started despite having gone through corrosive rain psychic swamps and Quantum uncertainties twice final time she asked checking her primitive time piece 37 minutes 22 seconds not my best time on an obstacle course but considering the quantum physics involved I'll take it the silence that followed was broken only by the sound of betting calculations being redone and several careers quietly ending not your best time I managed to
ask my voice modulator struggling to maintain coherence well yeah Maya said pulling out her data pad I mean if I hadn't stopped to make friends with the psychic jellies or take those scenic routes through the razor wire field I probably could have shaved off another 10 minutes but where's the fun in that she glanced around at the assembled crowd of instructors Cadets and various beings in varying states of existential crisis the small group of psychic leeches that had followed her out of the swamp hovered nearby occasionally broadcasting images of cat videos so she said brightly
about those plasma Peppers the lunch menu said they're hot enough to melt standard issue battle armor and I've been craving some spicy food Commander zuro finally found his voice Cadet Rodriguez are you saying you completed this course twice in 37 minutes because you were hungry and to work up an appetite Maya nodded enthusiastically nothing makes super spicy food tastes better than a good workout first oh and I think I won some bets speaking of which the course could use some upgrades I have some suggestions that might make it actually challenging I looked at my fellow
instructors then at the course that had been our pride for 10,000 Cycles then back at the human who had just turned it into her personal playground the bedding pool calculations are complete vix salax announced weekly Cadet Rodriguez has won enough credits to to buy a small Moon cool Maya's eyes lit up does anyone know if there are any moons for sale near Earth I've always wanted to set up an extreme sports training facility as she walked toward the cafeteria still chatting with her new psychic leech friends about human music I turned to Commander zuro sir
I believe we need to completely redesign our training protocols agreed he replied his color membranes still haven't returned to their normal Hue and perhaps perhap perhaps we should consider adding Earth's gravity level as a minimum requirement for future obstacle courses in the distance we heard maia's voice carrying across the academy grounds wait until you guys try coffee the leeches are going to love it several instructors immediately began drafting their resignation letters the emergency meeting of the galactic defense Academy's High Council convened exactly 1 hour after Maya Rodriguez finished her historic run I stood before them
trying to explain what we' witnessed while my exoskeleton still trembled from The Experience so you're telling us High Commander schar said all eight of his tentacles curled in disbelief that not only did she complete the course in under an hour but she did it twice made friends with the psychic leeches and then ate an entire bowl of plasma Peppers without a cooling unit the cafeteria staff are still in shock I confirmed she asked for second sir called them and I quote mildly Tangy the council chamber erupted in concerned murmuring on the massive display screen behind
them Maya's run played on Loop several theoretical physics professors had already submitted papers challenging its authenticity what about the leeches another council member asked we've received reports that they're different now vixel stepped forward his sensory stalk still slightly bent from the day's events the entire swamp has developed an addiction to something called Tik Tock sir the grand matriarch has started a dance challenge the betting pool calculations are also complete Commander zorox added his color membranes finally returning to a semi-normal hue Cadet Rodriguez's winnings could fund the entire Academy for three Cycles she's offered to donate
most of it back I said on the condition that we and again I quote make the course more interesting the council chamber went silent Through the Windows we could see the sunset reflecting off the acid r planes where maintenance Crews were still trying to understand how Maya's Footprints had somehow neutralized the corrosive compounds more interesting High Commander schar's tentacles coiled tighter what exactly did she suggest I activated my data pad displaying Maya's proposal she wants to add something called parkour elements increased gravity zones and suggests that the quantum razor wire would work better if it
was her words actually sharp there's more vixa interjected she's already submitted paperwork to start a human Cuisine cooking class apparently she wants to introduce something called ghost peppers to the cafeteria the psychic leeches have signed up for the first class Commander zuro added they've developed a particular interest in human snack foods just then the chamber door slid open Maya walked in still in her perfectly clean Cadet uniform followed by three floating psychic leeches wearing tiny Earth sports jerseys sorry to interrupt she said snapping a perfect salute but I wanted to submit my application for the
advanced instructor training program also the leeches wanted to know if they could form a basketball team High Commander schar's tentacles went completely limb a basketball team yeah they're naturally good at floating and once they learned the rules from my memories they got super excited we're thinking of calling them the swamp blakers behind her the leech has performed a surprisingly coordinated victory dance Cadet Rodriguez I managed to say the advanced instructor program requires at least one cycle of regular training first oh right she brightened that's why I also completed all the standard training modules this afternoon
the quantum physics ones were pretty fun though your understanding of 11-dimensional space could use some updating I made some notes now she handed me a data pad containing What appeared to be a complete revision of modern physics three Nobel committees would later fight over its contents as for the Practical exams she continued I hope it's okay that I did those two the zerogravity combat scenario was awesome though you might want to reinforce the training room walls sorry about the dents the council memb stared at her then at the growing crowd of psychic leeches now wearing
sports merchandise then back at her one last thing Maya added since I had some free time I reorganized the library xenobiology section and started a coffee shop in the student lounge the leeches make surprisingly good Baristas turns out their telepathic abilities are perfect for remembering complicated drink orders High Commander schar turned to me all eight eyes blinking rapidly senior instructor cior what exactly have you brought into our Academy I watched as Maya pulled out an earth snack called a protein bar causing her leech Entourage to bounce excitedly sir I believe we've discovered why humans never
developed psychic abilities they never needed them their minds are already operating on a level that terrifies telepaths well Maya said checking her primitive time piece again if there's nothing else the leeches and I were going to try teaching the quantum monks how to skateboard they seemed interested after I showed them what a halfpipe is as she left the chamber followed by her Sports Enthusiast psychic companions Commander zerox turned to the council I move that we immediately begin construction on reinforced training facilities and perhaps consider a new grading scale for human Cadets seconded I said and
we should probably stock up on plasma peppers I hear three more human Cadets are arriving next week the sound of high Commander schar fainting was nearly drowned out by the distant Shears of psychic leeches learning to do slam dunks from that day forward the galactic defense Academy's motto changed from excellent through adversity to please let us know if the course is too easy it was Maya suggestion of course and somewhere in the psychic leech swamp the grand matriarch began her newest social media post you won't believe what I learned from my human friend like And
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