Your Children Aren't Here to Be Fixed, They're Here to Wake You Up | Dr. Shefali

Most people are so-called zombie like moving through life in reactivity, not aware that they can get into the driver's seat and [music] begin to mandate their reactions. Most of us are living in our own movies and we cast everybody into these scripts, right? And we direct the movie and and many times our children, our partners, our friends are unwilling to be cast into the role that we've decided they should play.

So when they then protest or deny or defy, we then label them as difficult or as betrayers and or we feel rejected. The minute you feel pain, the minute you're protesting, reactive, angry, that means you've been triggered. And the reason you've been triggered is because something inside you is a open wound and that person outside has touched that wound.

[music] truths is that your children are here to wake you up to the ways in which you haven't healed yourself. So anything happening with your child is that opportunity to heal yourself. It's not about fixing your child.

It's about healing yourself. Your child is not here to fulfill your expectations or meet your fantasies. Your child is here to live out their own life, their own destiny.

[music] And your role is to guide them but not to lead them. not to control them. >> What if the thing you are trying hardest to fix in your child is actually the doorway to your own healing?

In this powerful conversation with Dr Chafali, you will discover why your child's behavior is not the problem but the mirror. How unconscious projections quietly shape your reactions. And the one question that can stop generational trauma in its tracks.

Does this belong to my child or does this belong to me? From nervous system triggers to boundaries around social media, screen time, and red flag behaviors. This episode will challenge you, confront you, and ultimately free you so you can raise resilient, emotionally healthy children without passing on the wounds you never meant to give.

Enjoy. Well, hello beautiful souls. We have another amazing guest for you.

We have Dr Shafali. Welcome to the show. >> Thank you for having me.

>> I am super excited. As I was saying, I'm really excited about some of the topics that we're going to unpack today. So I'd always love to start with what inspired you to do what you do today?

>> Well, you know, when I founded conscious parenting, I was a very young mother and no one was talking about how our childhood impacts our parenting. You know, most of the work that was being done back then was focused on fixing the child, helping the child, creating this child. But my work really created this this new wave of back then.

Right now it's so popular and now it's out there. But back then um what inspired me was my own journey and the journey of my clients as a therapist. I began to observe how parents were so unconscious to their own baggage.

how they were not aware, how they were projecting themselves onto their children's lives, their moods, their feelings. And this is what we do in life, right? We project ourselves and we imagine that because we feel a certain way or because we desire certain things that our partners, our children, our friends should do the same.

But I believe it shows up so strongly with our children because we are unquestioned, right? And that authority, that ego goes largely unsupervised and unmanaged, really unchecked. So when I saw that show up in my client's lives and in my own life, when I was able to be honest with myself and truly realize that I was here to that was my awakening and I needed to share this with others so that other parents could also be honest and see how for control for their desire for safety was really uh interfering in their ability to see their children for who it is they were separate from their expectations of them and since then I've been doing this work all around the world I have a coaching institute you know I'm coming to Australia I go around the world to teach conscious parenting because I believe that if you follow the principles arduously diligently consistently you can break through so many generations of your own unhealed baggage that you've inherited and and liberate your children from that that baggage and see them for who it is they are.

And I think we all deserve that gift to some degree to be seen, to be understood, to be nurtured for who we are, right? We're all yearning that. And conscious parenting gives our children that gift.

>> So, I'm assuming that conscious parenting is to be present in the now moment. And I'm just thinking about like as I was sharing with you, I mean my son's 31, so it's a long time ago, but I just remember when I was a single mother working like how do you remain conscious and not let these unconscious programs take over all the time? What's a trick?

>> Well, yeah. Well, there is no uh, you know, easy strategy or trick. It's a slow build.

It's a cultivation. It's a daily awareness. A and it's a constant bringing back to the present moment.

So just like meditation and meditation is a big part of this work because in meditation you learn to come back to the present moment, come back to your breath. So so it is in conscious parenting. It's not that you're going to learn this once and be done.

It's a constant yourself being activated. Your jaw is clenched, your voice is raised, your heart is palpitating, your fi your your fists are clenched. You draw attention to it.

You become aware of your nervous system dysregulation. And in that moment, you then begin to redirect your energy. You know, what am I feeling right now?

Where is this coming from? Does this belong to my child or does this belong to me? And that slow turning away into the present, out of the past, out of the future, into the present, changes the dynamic over time, and you begin to, you know, take take away those cobwebs and truly tune in to what's going on with your child right now.

>> I'm just thinking about, you know, there's I know that, you know, we carry like the wounds of our parents and then we project our wounds onto our children. And so for for us to be more conscious and then even asking that question, I mean, is this really mine or is this something that I've carried or learned over time? My my question for me is like then what do we do with that information?

Because let's say we don't even know or we're not even aware that we've been conditioned and yet we keep behaving and get stuck in these loops. >> Yes. So most people are not aware.

Most people are so-called zombie like moving through life in reactivity, not aware that they can get into the driver's seat and kind of begin to mandate their reactions. They can begin to tame their mind. Most people are never going to get there.

Okay? So, we cannot be using these principles for those people. Sorry, I'm sorry to talk like that, but there is a difference between the seekers and the non-seekers.

So, this works for people who want to be better parents, who are seeking. In that seeking is an inherent vulnerability because it comes with the willingness to look in the mirror and accept that we have been wrong. We have been unconscious.

that we have been in this blind inheritance of patterns without our valition. There's a vulnerability that this demands and honesty and most people are unable to get there. Doesn't mean they won't get there one day, but it's okay.

We work with the seekers, right? So, we start with a a general sense of, you know, a willingness, a desire to want to do this. So I'm speaking to those parents out there.

Now for those parents, they have to begin with coaching or reading books or taking courses, right? It's it's a gradual unfolding. And then what I teach my clients, what I teach in my coaching institute is you begin with a basic presumption [laughter] across the board that it is likely more likely than not that you have projected.

That's it. Just start there. Right?

Better to begin there than have to prove it to yourself that you have not projected. It's better to to presume you've projected and now prove it to yourself that you have not projected because most of us are living in our own movies and we cast everybody into these scripts, right? And we direct the movie and and many times our children, our partners, our friends are unwilling to be cast into the role that we've decided they should play.

So when they then protest or deny or defy, we then you know label them as difficult or as betrayers and or we feel rejected. You know, we cannot really see that they're rejecting the role that we've cast them in. They're not rejecting us, but because we're so weak and because we haven't healed and because we're not yet whole, we take anything from the outside world as a personal attack.

Right? And so this work is about uninshing the personal from reality and beginning to see reality for what it is without the person project. This is the essential work and you just have to take it as a given that you are projecting.

So then what do you do? Then you pause right then you go okay was it me? What part of this is me?

and you begin to do what is called the inner work. And then there's a whole protocol, a process, a procedure. You know, I I've outlined this in depth in one of my last books.

It's called the parenting map. I give 20 steps. If you can follow those 20 steps over and over, you will begin to project less.

You will begin to liberate more and you will begin to set your children free. >> I love that. At the same time, there's a a a really big level of accountability, right, to actually admit that I projected my stuff onto you because I think you also talk about um the use your children as a mirror because they're reflecting back to you what you're projecting onto them, >> but that in itself it's it's to me there's Yeah, there's a level of accountability.

It's easier to blame than say it's me. Do you find that with the >> Oh my god. It's the the hardest thing in the world is to look in the mirror.

But by not looking in the mirror, we are actually obstructing our own growth and evolution. See, we think looking in the mirror is so painful because you have to put the spotlight on ourselves and take accountability. So, it's so easy to blame, to just act like the victim, to presume the other person is at fault.

So that seems easy on the surface, but actually that is, you know, sabotaging your freedom. How? Because as long as you blame another, you're actually vesting them, you know, with the powers to be.

You're giving them all ownership over your happiness. And that is going to keep you tied to their growth, to their awakening, to their admission. And whenever you are inshed in somebody else's growth, your dependent, your codependent, you will stall your own growth.

So the beauty of this is as hard as it is, it is actually a launchpad to your own liberation. The other way can give you momentary relief, but you [snorts] will forever stay stuck in a cyclical loop of endless sabotage, victimhood, dependency, and resentment because you're waiting for the other person to release you. >> So it really starts with the parent, right?

We have to heal our own wounds because I think you also made a comment about if we don't heal our own wounds, we end up bleeding on our children. Uh and but then how do we know what exactly are our wounds, let's say, that we've we've um that been projected onto us through our parents because obviously our parents did the best they could with information they had as we did too as parents. >> Yeah.

>> Um >> Yeah. >> So I I'm curious as as to how does that work? So it's really there there's a long it's almost like take a step back and do the work first on yourself to then become >> yeah it's it's not that you can you have to do the work first because there's no end to the work but what you have to do is be open to it being a continuous evolution.

How do you know whether it's your baggage? Right? That was your question.

It's not hard. You just have to pay attention. You just have to listen.

Your children will tell you they all the the the so-called universe, right? Our relationships are always telling us how we have yet to grow. It's the minute you feel pain, the minute you're protesting, reactive, angry, you know, that means you've been triggered, right?

And the reason you've been triggered is because something inside you is a open wound and that person outside has touched that wound. So in our unconsciousness we believe that the person is the trigger but when you awaken you realize that they were just the the pointer to the trigger that lies within. So, by paying attention to your own body, right?

The minute you get activated, you're like, "Oh, uh, oh, oh, I'm getting triggered. Something in me is getting triggered. " And, "Oh, let me hear.

Let me listen. Let me pay attention because this person on the outside, I'm so grateful to them because they're showing me where I'm not yet free. " they're telling me, oh, you know, so for example, if your child, you know, comes home with a C-grade and then doesn't tell you that they got a C-grade and hides it from you and you find out 5 days later from the teacher, you could get really angry.

You could tell them they are a liar and they you don't trust them. Or you could stop, pause, and realize, okay, I'm really activated now. Why am I activated?

Oh, I'm activated because they didn't tell me. Right? So, okay, what am I feeling right now?

Oh, I'm feeling rejected. I'm feeling betrayed. I'm feeling like I can't trust my child.

And then we go deeper. Okay, if my if I'm feeling that way, is it possible that I have done this to my child? If I have actually rejected my child, because if we're looking at it as a mirror, then perhaps what I am feeling I have created.

And the minute you go there, you realize, oh my god, yeah, I have been rejecting my child. So now my child rejects themselves and now rejects me, right? I have not trusted my child and therefore now my child doesn't trust me.

Right? Because I haven't made it safe for my child to be open, vulnerable, and true. Now my child is feeling scared to be open, vulnerable, and true.

So when you begin to do this work, you begin to see that mirror effect. But then you have to be really brave enough to go, okay, why have I created these conditions for my child? Oh, because I have shame.

Why do I have shame around the C-grade? Ah, because when I was a child, I was put down. You see, so now your child's C-grade is taking you to your pain around your shame around your C-grade.

And then you realize, oh, it isn't even about my child's C-grade. It's about what I was told about my C-grade as a child and and these are the ways you begin to do the work. >> So the triggers are really never about the other person, never about the child.

It's actually the triggers are the gifts that helps you turn around and look within to see what is whether it's an unmet need or a lack of boundaries, whatever that may be for us to make those changes so that our child feel safe enough to stand in their truth and say, "Hey, I was just really afraid to show you my report just in case you get upset. " >> 100%. It's usually something as easy and simple as fear, shame, or guilt.

And they all are tied to a feeling of unworthiness. Right? So when that when your child gets the C-grade and you get triggered 100% it's because you have been feeling unworthy and you have identified with the Agrade and you've defined the C-grade as a a loss as a failure as a shaming you know event.

That's your internalized story around the C-grade that's been triggered. So the child C-grade is actually a neutral event. It's something to do with the child and you can help the child.

It's the child business. But now we've made it our business by reacting and we believe it's a legitimate reaction. So that's why you have to be a seeker to be willing to go deep within to uncover the real root of your reaction because culture tells us it's okay to get angry over a C-grade, but it's really not.

Right. Right. Culture says lots of crazy things like it's okay to uh you know to starve yourself to look skinny for a party.

No, it's not. Or culture tells us it's okay to scream and yell at your partner if they looked at another woman if you're in a heterosexual straight relationship and you're a woman. No, it's not okay.

Right? These are all our own fears and shame and insecurities that have been endorsed by culture and have been legitimized as okay. And this is the sickness of our culture that we've inherited.

>> Or or it's okay or another thing or it's okay to work uh round the clock to make money. You know, how is that being being glamorized and toted as something that's honorable, right? So, our culture has become so unhealthy that we've even lost touch with what is uh wholeness and what is sickness.

>> I love that. I love the way that you've explained that. And it's really interesting because you're talking about the difference between reacting and responding.

And I can't tell you how many people I see like mothers and fathers with children. The child reacts and they go off off the, you know, off off the planet, whatever you call it. But they wouldn't do that to a friend.

If a friend was upset, they would be nurturing them. And I'm think that with a friend, but you can't do that to a child. Instead, you say to the child, don't show your emotions.

Don't act that way. Don't don't scream. Don't cry.

>> Yeah. Because the projection the projection is much more intense in our intimate relationships, especially with our children because culture has told us that they come quote unquote from us. So, we don't see them as separate from us.

And because when our child has big emotions and we're projecting ourselves onto them so intimately, so inshedly that when the child has those big emotions, it unravels us. It's almost as if, oh, if they aren't invited to the party, it's as if we're being rejected, right? If they get a C-grade, it means I'm not a good mother.

So, there's a very inshed mirroring going on, which is precisely why it is such an awakener if we do the work. But when it's a friend, we're not so inshed. We know that this friend came from another person, belongs to another parent, and so they're not bearing heavy on who we are as people.

But our partners, our children, they bear heavy. So we've been, you know, under the illusion to believe they bear heavy on who it is we are as humans. But it's a lie.

They do not have, you know, they are their own people. Yes, uh, we are responsible for them. Yes, we need to care for them and connect.

But the minute we place our sense of worth on to how they are fairing, we actually use and control our children, we puppeteer them because our sense of who we are, our worth bears on them. So then it matters to us whether they've cut their hair in what style. It matters to us whether they have a tattoo or not.

It matters to us who they marry because we have pinned our worth onto them. And that is so dangerous for ourselves and for them. I wonder because you see that quite often.

You know, you'll see parents force their children to be a musician or to be something because it's an unmet need that a parent experience and they're projecting that onto the child for the child to succeed in something they didn't succeed. So, it goes back to what you were saying with the school even like I wasn't good at school but I expect my son to be really good at school, >> right? I wasn't good at school and that wound of not being good at school because we have a culture that competes and compares and makes us feel like our worth is with the Agrade.

We're still carrying that wound. We haven't yet accepted that you know what, maybe I wasn't an Agrade student. Maybe I have other talents and we haven't finished that inner work.

So now when it shows up again in our child, it takes us right back to that old shame which we haven't processed. And if we don't process, we pass it on to our children. And that's how generational trauma gets passed on.

>> Then how does it work with social media? Like, and I see this a lot. A a lot of the parents that are busy, they'll put their kids on a game or social media to play with, you know, as a way to distract them so that they can get their their chores done or their tasks done.

And how does that play out with children? Because I I see that and that's concerning for me, too. Like I see that people do compare themselves with influencers and young women and like you were talking about you know like body uh imaging that kind of stuff.

What are the things that you are seeing and experiencing in this space now? because I think that there's been a real like increase in anxiety. Like I'm I'm talking about young teenage girls have got friends that have got, you know, the girls can't even go back to school because of the anxiety and the panic attacks.

And I've never heard of that stuff. >> Yeah. Because there's so many things uh that are potentially so toxic for children under the age of, you know, 21 being exposed to social media, right?

It's it's a fake world. It's superficial. It's comparative.

It's competitive. It's it's it's not uh you know a a a true indication of reality. And now with filters and algorithms, you don't get the real reality.

You get fake reality. So children are feeling extremely displaced from the real world. They don't know who to trust.

They don't know where to turn. And the standards seem so perfectionistic, right? Because everything can be edited and curated.

And you get these snippets of people's lives that make you feel like your life is so unworthy. And then you are compared with not just peers in your little town or in your classroom, but across the board. And then you are critiqued not just by grandma who happens to see your photo on your kitchen fridge, but across the globe.

And children's brains cannot accept this criticism which is often vicious and anonymous and just feels like it's coming from left field from everywhere. Then they're not able to process this. Their frontal loes, their prefrontal cortex is not yet developed.

They're not yet mature. I don't think even most adults can handle it because it's vicious. And so this is is really unhealthy for our children.

And this comparison, this perfectionism creates this acute sense of unworthiness. You know, if somebody doesn't reply to a text, children are falling apart now. And this this this need to have immediate feedback.

Um creates this constant anxiety. Did I get, you know, who commented? Who liked me?

Who replied to me? Did someone see my post? Why is no one responding?

It's just set the the standard for human interactions uh to be at this unrealistic level and it's a recipe for anxiety and and that's why anxiety is at an all-time high. Self harm, suicidality, uh eating disorders in our in our girls, for our boys. They're confused.

They don't know what masculinity is anymore. They're feeling completely out of control. there.

It It's all, you know, video gaming, isolation, loneliness, all of this is just uh, you know, cascading, you know, turbulently, viciously down this unstoppable, you know, hill to nowhere. It's our and our children are paying this high cost. So, uh, it it's really incumbent on us as parents to realize that our children cannot handle this stimulation.

And I'm so glad in Australia now there's this law that that prohibits children under the age of 16. How fantastic. And I wish the rest of the world could follow, but sadly it's not.

And 16 too is young, but at least it's better than 11 and 12. So we as parents need to understand that children need real life interactions, very minimal stimulation from social media and the outside world. They need to have control over their environment and they need deep attuned presencefilled connection from caregivers who are focused attuned and available.

You know we have been so distracted as well. So it's really a joint effort. Uh it takes the whole village to realize what children need and provide it for them.

And this is what I will be covering when I come to Melbourne in my talks. You know what is the latest research? why our children are suffering and what are the essential tools and strategies that parents can employ to mitigate some of these devastating consequences on our children.

You know, in Melbourne, I've been talking to some parents recently about how drug addiction is so rampant in young adults and especially of children of affluence and how parents can combat this and what they can do without alienating their children without controlling them to the point of, you know, locking them up in a room. How can we build connection and resilience in our children so that our children themselves understand the ill effects of alcohol and drugs and turn away from them on their own in their own sovereign power. So I'll be talking about all of this when I come to Melbourne and I really cannot wait.

>> I know. I can't wait till you come. I know.

And we'll talk about the dates you're coming here. But what what does that mean for the parents? Cuz I'm just thinking like and I'm sure there people that are watching this and listening to this right now and they've got children and that they actually experiencing the same predicaments like I know some parents will say you screen time you're only allowed to go on social media or watch TV from 7 to 8 you know like that they try to control it but the thing is also from my experience and understanding is the more that you try to control a child the more resistant they become to you and they it it it backfires, right?

They go against you because you're trying to control the situation. So, how do we build true connections? Because I think that sometimes we can say even if we say being a good parent that even I think interferes with our true connection with our children.

So, how do we build true connection with our children so that we can have those kind of conversations and not have these, you know, these rules in place where they're going to resist and rebel anyway? >> Yeah. Well, I think uh anytime we impose rules in a dictatorship, it's going to collapse and backfire.

So, we want to create agreements and negotiations and really talk to our children about why it is that this is so toxic. Now there's so much research there's so much evidence that we can we can bring forth and the next thing is that we have to understand why these screens and what they provide is so alluring and intoxicating right it provides success and safety and a sense of significance and belonging and then we need to replace those artificial means of safety and belonging and connection with real life safety connection and belonging through the community through connections through our own presence. And yes, that takes our effort, that takes our time.

So, we can't be lazy about it anymore. We have to really show up for our children and allow our children to feel like they belong to real life connections and community so they don't have to seek it in this artificial way. You know, when I was raising my daughter, she's now 22, I didn't have all this data and research that people have now.

So, there's almost no excuse to allow our children to be exposed to the data and the evidence. It's it's like alcohol and drugs. As we wouldn't give our children alcohol and drugs, we simply wouldn't.

Uh we have to have that same boundary now with social media and its influence. We we cannot undermine um the efforts that you know conscious parenting can have but by giving in to the toxic influence of social media. So if we give in we're actually taking away from our own presence.

So at some point we have to make a decision. Okay, if I want to be a conscious parent, I cannot sabotage my own efforts. So, this is going to sabotage me, right?

It's like handing your child marijuana and then telling them to not be under the influence of drugs. It's it's it's undermining me. So, I have to look at it as a threat to my own conscious parenting.

And when I do, I can begin to create those boundaries. >> What about those parents that have got people pleasing tendencies? How does that play out?

Because I know I know I'm a recovering people pleaser and I know there's probably things that I've allowed my son to do. It was an agreement that we had a conversation. It was agreement that we we both agreed on.

But how does that play out for those parents out there that are people pleasers when you're, you know, you can try to have really strong boundaries because I know for me I've I've tried to have really strong boundaries. I end up giving up on my boundaries because I want my son to be happy. I've only got one child, right?

And I'm I'm guessing you only have one daughter. Do you have only one daughter? Yeah.

So, how do you become I find it really hard to keep a strong boundaries with my son because maybe I've only just got one child, >> but how does that play out from how we're influencing them in in in what they do? >> Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. I think, you know, the first thing I teach parents is to kind of have two categories of of kind of behaviors. One is the red flag behaviors and then the rest of the stuff is negotiable behaviors.

So the minute something goes under the red flag category then we must create boundaries people pleaser or not right and if we don't then we are actually enablers of an addiction right so things like selfharming behaviors or things like uh excessive porn when our children are young uh you know till they're adults or ex use of weapons or drugs or alcohol or substances or social media right all of at when the child's brain is not equipped to handle it are red flags you know that we need to pay attention to. So if the parent is unable to create a boundary around that that means they are enabling the addiction and that's a whole other sickness. If the behavior is not a red flag behavior, but it is something to do with, you know what, they they didn't start homework at 7:00, they started homework at 9:00.

Or you know what, they didn't eat blood dinner at 8, but they ate it at 9:00. Or or they stayed out with their friends instead of coming home at 11 till 12:00. Those are negotiable, right?

Until we see a red flag behavior. So we once we are clear about what are we dealing with then we reserve the real boundaries the the hard nose the the the absolute stone non-negotiables for those red flag behaviors and then the rest you can negotiate back and forth because everything can't be a no right if everything is a no then you're a control freak and you will soon undermine your authority because your child will rebel but reserve it for red flags so when I was raising my daughter, social media was not a red flag at that point because we were not aware of the consequences. Now, if I was raising her again, it would be a red flag just like marijuana, alcohol, and cocaine.

So, back then, I didn't have any doubt about cocaine, heroin, alcohol, or marijuana. I didn't I I knew it was a red flag and I could create the boundaries. So, people pleasing is a sickness, but especially when it's around a red flag behavior, right?

And then that parent needs to seek treatment because if they're not able to create a boundary around something that is an absolute non-negotiable, that means they are severely traumatized themselves, right? Because they would much rather be liked and loved than help their child. And that is a sick that's a sickness now.

>> Yeah. And I remember someone telling me that people pleasing was a sense of control. It's your way of controlling the outcome >> by being agreeing with them so that they they you're in some way still controlling the outcome which that threw me because I was like I don't I don't see myself as as a control freak at all or controlling.

>> Oh, it's it's so controlling because you're so peopleleasing is such a defense against the anxiety of being unloved, of being abandoned, of being rejected. And that anxiety is so great that we people please. We acquies.

We just give in. We just act like we we you know we are mother trees because to deal with that anxiety. If I said no, this person could stop loving me.

If I said no, this person could stop thinking I'm amazing. That anxiety is too great. So we control that anxiety.

So that's how you're a controlling person because your anxiety is too great. you're actually people pleasing is a a great desire to at all to be loved at all costs. Even when you're lying, you're inauthentic, it doesn't matter.

>> Wow. That's I mean, thank God I am a uh recovering people pleaser and it's not something that I uh have to experience anymore. But um thank you for that.

So, I would like to talk about your tour. So, I know that you're coming out. I've got the dates here.

March the 11th in Melbourne in Sin Kilda. and you've got Sydney the 12th of March. Is there anything else that you would like to share for those that are listening and watching what you will be covering apart from some of the topics you've already talked about some of the uh research that you've seen in regards to screen time, social media, what else are they to expect from you?

>> Yeah, so I have just completed writing my next two books on raising conscious boys and girls and I'm going to be talking about all that material. So it's very new, very fresh, but really how to raise children in this new era of social media, of AI, of technology, the Gen Z's, the the new kids coming up, the alpha kids, and how to deal with the generational gap, how to cope with the new era, and to shepherd our children into their greatest resilience. So I'm so excited.

It will have a Q&A component, an interactive component. So, it's truly going to be a a treat for parents. I hope that they will take the time, you know, leave their children at home and come with their friends for an enlightening and inspiring evening on conscious parenting.

>> I love that. Absolutely love that. And I think as we start wrapping up too, we always like to leave our audience with three shiny golden nuggets.

And they could be maybe some I I would I have I've got here like what would be some uncomfortable truths about parenting that you wish every adult would face? Oh my goodness. So one of the truths is that your children are here to wake you up to the ways in which you haven't healed yourself.

So anything happening with your child is that opportunity to heal yourself. It's not about fixing your child, it's about healing yourself. So that would be one.

Uh, another one is that you know anytime you are yelling at your child or reactive in an unconscious way, it's Can you hear me? >> Absolutely. >> Did you Did you lose me or it's clear?

>> No, it's clear. >> Okay. Okay.

So, anytime you're reactive to your child, yelling at your child, losing your mind, it's really a direct call, a wakeup call to the fact that there is something unhealed within you. And that reactivity has nothing to do with your child. It has to do with a past childhood pain that has been touched.

And the third thing is that your child is not here to fulfill your expectations or meet your fantasies. Your child is here to live out their own life, their own destiny. And your role is to guide them, but not to lead them, not to control them, and not to expect them to be anything like you.

I love all three of those. Absolutely. Thank you so very much.

Dr Sha um Shafali, is there anything that I haven't asked you that you would like to bring up uh before we wrap up? Anything specifically? >> No, I think you've done a great job.

I think uh you know what I'd like to just highlight is that when you begin to practice conscious parenting as I teach it, believe it or not, the path toward your own freedom and also your child's greatest potential unravels unfolds right before you. It's it's so predictable that conscious parenting will lead to a positive outcome that I assure parents that they can almost certainly uh achieve really strong results once they begin to practice it. And this is why I do the work I do because I've seen it replicable across the globe.

So many cases, so many families changing their lives by applying conscious parenting. So this evening in Melbourne is that gateway. It's that portal to a whole new path that parents can begin exploring that they may never have considered before and is waiting for them uh to heal their children to heal their past and to walk towards the new future.

Beautiful. Dr Shafali, I can see there's a lot of passionate passion within you and you're very passionate about the topic and I just want to say thank you for the work that you do and the that you change lives. you make a difference in people's lives, not just the parents, but the children.

And you improve people's relationships with self and and others. Uh, and I think your work is just amazing. So, I want to say thank you and I can't wait to uh for you to come out to Australia.

It's going to be fun and people just love you anyway, but they're going to love you even more once they see you in person. So, thank you again for coming on the show, for sharing your wealth of wisdom and for your time and your energy. >> Oh, thank you so much for having me.

>> Thank you.