so I think the thing that stops people whether it's in their relationship or whether it's their business or their career or their body is the disappointments of the past and so what really shows up is fear you know the fear of failure the fear of success the fear of rejection the fear of the unknown there's so many fears but they all come down to two fears that everybody has we're all afraid we're not enough in some context not rich enough smart enough young enough old enough wise enough funny enough whatever is attractive enough uh especially
if we have that fear that we're not enough for someone we really want that love from and the deepest fear is that if I'm not enough I won't be loved and love is the oxygen of life I know it sounds corny but you know if a baby is born and you don't give them physical love they get what's called failure to thrive syndrome they actually physically die love is our evolutionary Advantage it's what makes us survive and so I look at most people and most people have so much fear still because of so many disappointments
that they're afraid to get their hopes up of course if you don't get your hopes up if you don't commit to something if you don't give your all every time cuz you're afraid of failing you're not going to follow [Music] through have the same VI it's a crazy world it's a crazy world somebody's got to have the same news [Music] so Tony Robbins I was going to introduce you by saying a man who needs no introduction and then I'm looking I'm looking at one of the books here the Holy Grail of investing and of course
Carl Iken said that a man who needs no introduction you do need no introduction but it must be an annoying way to start an interview for someone to say something like that what do you think I don't care it's good to be with you it's good to be with you we've been trying to do this for about four years I think and we didn't want to do it virtually schedules got crazy I'm thrilled to be here and I've organized this interview in a little bit more of a uh a granular way than I normally do
which is just to sit down with someone but there were so many things that I've wanted to talk to you about for so long but I thought the first thing is uh you've been very gracious to welcome you know me and my team to your home here and it seems obvious from the little bit I've seen and we're kind of in the what do you call this area the playroom the little basement area the little the little basement okay the little basement but it it seems like an an embodiment of your life's work that there's
there's businesses happening here there's staff there's fun stuff like it's kind of everything that you are in some sense well we're I love living on the ocean and so I used to go to different place for work of course you know when things happened during Co they had to be home so fortunately had already built this and so you know this is kind of hidden we're actually below the ocean most people don't even know this exist it's crazy I didn't even know around it because they said you can't go down because we have 25,000 Square
ft and I have separate offices over there separate from the home but I wanted to have the you know this kind of playroom where we have Golf and basketball and you know bowling and everything for the kids and so forth and the grandkids and so I went down here and I said the guy said it's impossible I said what do you mean it's impossible you ever been to Atlantis you never been to scrip oceanography and he goes well it'll never get approved I said we live in a community where they're fans of mine the mayor
is everybody else we'll get it approved took three years but it created this environment where you know you can come and play and do anything you want to do but yeah our home is our life is our mission so we you know we've got Zoom going on all the time and interviews coming through here and business meetings I have 114 companies now so it's a it's a wild ride we're doing over 8 billion dollars in business I mean started with nothing so we're pretty thrilled about the kind of impact we're having in all these different
Industries and I sense your days are basically scheduled to the end degree like is there is there a minute in your day that's a gap where you're like oh I guess I'll sit here and go like this there didn't used to be but there is and it's because uh you know I have a three and a half-year-old so I have five kids and five grandkids my oldest daughter is 50 my youngest daughter's three and a half uh and she's my priority so it's like I've got my plan but I have a lot of flex that
I create in the plan so I can spend time with her the other day we're negotiating a deal with Paramount we're going to have our own um Tony Robbins Network our own channel on there it's not just a show and uh it was really important meeting but she comes and knocks on the glass of of the master suite and she say daddy will you come fly a kite with me yeah and I'm like I'm looking at my time and the answer is yes so I go out there so I have like 5 minutes to clean
up and run down to the meeting but it was worth its weight and gold so yes my daughter has given me that gift and I also take that time for my wife and our family um but it it is a full life but I love it that way I love having so many areas that you can have an impact on that we get to focus on and so many beautiful people I have the privilege to partner with let's stick with that for just a moment so you imagine you have a 50-year-old daughter and a three-year-old
daughter I mean what does that do to your to your sense of parenting or perspective or do you find like oh I put that phase of life behind me and now it's just come rushing back I mean it's come rushing back but it's a great time to do that you know I have I married a woman originally um my first marriage who had been married twice before me and she had kids from both of them so if you can imagine she was 11 years or 12 years my senior so I was 24 to about to
turn 25 years old and I had a 17-year-old son instantly an 11-year-old daughter a 5-year-old and then went on the way so uh I had to grow rapidly is as a man as a father and I'm really proud of the job I did I'm proud of all my kids but you know it's different when you're at this stage of life and you have so much more wisdom so much more experience um and you know the my daughter's having the most incredible life I mean she understands that the most important thing in life is we're here
to contribute at three and a half she has plenty of responsibilities she's speaking Mandarin and and Spanish and English wow she's doing geometry at this stage uh but she also is just a kid you know she just likes play and go outside and taking the energy and so I really feel like she's got that balance and I don't know I could have given that balance before cuz I didn't know that balance Within Myself America listen up the world's getting more unpredictable by the day political Insanity rumors of Civil War and unstable stock market and now
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get through back pain and and a whole bunch of stuff but what do you think most people are sort of stuck on first like what what do you find generally when people come to your shows or when they reach out to you or say hi to you at the mall what what is like the first thing that most people seem to be hung up on before they can start moving forward in life I think most people have had dreams and goals in their life and they've had obviously as all of us have plenty of disappointments
cuz you know you want to make God laugh to her your plans you know exactly but if the person that persists and keeps going can eventually break through you like all the studies show that pessimists are much more accurate about their performance than optimists much more accurate but optimists are much more successful because they overvalue they think they did better than they did so they're willing to try it again they believe it'll happen and that persistence is what makes things work so I think the thing that stops people whether it's in their relationship or whether
it's their business or their career or their body is the disappointments of the past and so what really shows up is fear you know the fear of failure the fear of success the fear of rejection the fear of the unknown there's so many fears but they all come down to two fears that everybody has we're all afraid we're not enough in some context not rich enough smart enough young enough old enough wise enough funny enough whatever it is attractive enough uh especially if we have that fear that we're not enough for someone we really want
that love from and the deepest fear is that if I'm not enough I won't be loved and love is the oxygen of life I know it sounds corny but you know if a baby is born and you don't give them physical love they get what's called failure to thrive syndrome they actually physically love is our evolutionary Advantage it's what makes us survive and so I look at most people and most people have so much fear still because of so many disappointments that they're afraid to get their hopes up of course if you don't get your
hopes up if you don't commit to something if you don't give your all every time because you're afraid of failing you're not going to follow through so I think it's fear that stops people in any area but also what happens is you start to form a a limiting identity and this the thing I hope that your listeners or viewers will really consider I believe the strongest force in anybody's personality in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how you've defined yourself we all have an identity for ourselves so you'll hear people say
something like is there a difference between somebody who feels depressed and somebody who is clinically depressed well yes once you have the title clinically depressed you can go to one of those people and do you think clinically depressed people have happy moments you think they do I'm going to guess not really they can't they have happy moments but you catch them when they go I'm not really happy it just looks like I'm happy cuz our need to meet that definition if you don't know who you are you can't make a decision it's like when people
talk about somebody turning their 40s and you know having this you know midlife crisis what there really is it's an identity crisis is this really who I want to be is this we will I am so if I said to you do you ever smoke cigarettes never I smoked maybe cumulative one cigarette in my entire life that I ever took yeah I was fortunate enough to have a similar pattern as you but I'll talk some people that smoke C cigarettes and they'll say no I I smoked for 10 years and I stopped and I'll Never
Smoke again if I come to them and say would you know would you like a cigarette then don't go what brand is it right what do they say they go I'm not a smoker I'm not one of those the way we Define ourselves what we are and what we're not controls every thought feeling emotion and behavior of our life so it works at all levels if you um if I set a thermostat in this room at 68 degrees and that represents your comfort zone your identity your comfort zone is not what you want it's what
you're used to right so it could be 68 degrees is what you're used to in terms of intimacy or 68 degrees is how much Financial well-being or Freedom you're used to or security you're used to might not be a lot might be a little it's not your goal it's what you're used to well once that's your comfort zone once that's your identity if the temperature in this room drops from 68 to 65 to 62 to 60 at some point the heaters kick on because the computer says whoa whoa whoa you're a 68 deers you're not
a 60 deer this is no good and you feel pressure the heaters kick on and drive you back up to where you're supposed to be and most people listening probably had times where it got so bad you finally said not another day another moment I'm changing this now this relationship this thing on my body whatever but what most people don't realize that happens on this side as well if you're a 68 degre and you start doing better than you expect you get momentum you start to crush it you start to go 80° 90 98 Degrees
suddenly the computer inside goes what the hell are you doing you're not a 98 deger you're 68 deer right and then the first thing happens the heater stop you lose your drive and then if that's not enough the air conditioners kick on to help you sabotage to get right back down to where you think you deserve to be if you're looking for more insightful conversations about optimizing your life check out our lifestyle playlist and if you want to watch full interviews on a wide variety of topics watch our full episode playlist all right over here
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