made your plate oh thank you Dwight my loyal sidekick have you met my sidekick oh I didn't no oh very good very good I asked for that have you met Mr titty twister here he is what is wrong with you I'm holding food I'm sorry right now do your impression of me I don't really have one of you come on now just pretend I'm one of your friends and entertain me okay there is no such thing as transgression anymore what is pornography to one person is Readers Digest to another that's why I'm impossible to [Laughter]
offend do it again just something else hurry up hurry up hurry up hurry up hurry up hurry up up up hurry up hurry up hurry up up up hurry up hurry up hurry up up up hurry up hurry up up up hurry up up up up up up up hurry up hurry no you idiot I'm asking you to hurry up I'm dancing as fast as I can I have a lot of experience with bullies whenever I started a new school I would know who they all were by the end of the first day and make
no mistake Pam is a bully and she is the worst kind of bully a girl bully you need to talk to your wife NOP you need to either make her understand or you need to fire her I will not work under these conditions I'm Switzerland well I'm Michael Ville I need you to side with me on this you're the boss everybody here considers you to be the boss more than me oh that's crazy cuz you've been the boss way longer so you've dealt with situations just like this dozens of times I think that you can
solve this cuz I am not that smart toilet guard golden ticket you're a creative Mastermind you have a relationship with Pam you know her better than I do Michael you know Pam way better than I do that's only partially true I am an idiot you're brilliant man you you know I wouldn't even know where to start Michael you are an excellent moderator boss friend you are the greatest light of hand magician I've ever seen man for the job that's why you were promoted I can't lie anymore you're a genius well okay all right stupid wedding
if I had known the outcome I would have stopped at third base that's right so good so good what happened Daryl just cast the winning boat and she's hot that's what I'm saying hold on wait what what well the the warehouse is a separate thing I beg you pardon well I mean no that's a good point I mean did you pull the entire Warehouse no I didn't this man should not have the right to vote what he works for this office he's the foreman okay then I propose he gets half a vote how about 3
fifths that sounds fair I'mma go I'mma uh use the whites only restroom you that's ridiculous we don't have one of those how would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company holy cow I'd be so happy I wasn't talking to you pale face I know I meant I'd be happy for them what I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management Dwight I know these programs every color is important because together we make a rainbow yes I'll
slap you in the face with a rainbow speaking of rainbows Oscar you are kind of a double minority okay so we at saber could really benefit from your perspective why we know Kelly applied we're not going to cross her no matter how good the program is I could protect you from Kelly will you get out of here seriously are we scared of Kelly that's right it's just a matter of respect that's all we not scared I think you've had enough what you say no you you might be right wow wow that was amazing I thought
he was going to kill you which I would not have allowed what are you looking at wow are you that bored yeah it's just rum I'm not bored I'm a pirate is that another motto it's whatever you want what do you only drink with your kids let's do it whoa that's healthy Stanley's kind of amazing he just does not care on the drive-in today we were coming up to a red light and he just said oops and drove right through it you want to see a magic trick sure watch me turn this iced tea into
rum Abra and you my friend are going back to the mini bar Cheers Cheers I've spent so much of my life telling myself please don't end up like Stanley and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes let's go build an airport we'll start small we'll have a car wash we'll send some cheerleaders to Regionals we could feed the hungry us why do we have to do something together I volunteer at a clinic on my own time yeah well that's just a pickup scene Gabe adopts families I don't like to talk about it
they always send you a picture I used to send them my picture then little leasi here got his village together to send me a bag of rice so no more pictures well you know uh you know frankly a lot of us have been saying something like this for a long time yeah I've been saying that yeah and you know I I think that the very fact that we're including it in our agenda frankly is a big step forward did you know I used to be an HR I'm sorry I used to be an HR uh
I was a Hellraiser okay right great um why don't we move on all right moving on great because I think that you know they're very F Ryan thank God you're here what you got what you got what you got all right Panic Room Maverick n Summers be the accused there's little man Tate they were out at three different places man it's not a Jodie Foster afternoon with that little manate buddy all right where is my cornbread here you go thank you did you get all dark meat like I like yes I ordered three full rotisserie
chickens worth of all dark meat where are the amps they were out of yams I got you cream spinach did you go to the one in straatsburg yes it's the only Boston kitchen I trust I know you made that very clear and they had no yams they had no yams strange because they always have yams well I don't know what to tell you well chicken cold yes stoutsburg is 45 minutes away you know what else is 45 minutes away going to the Boston Kitchen in Scranton and then fooling around in the parking lot that's what's
45 minutes of M I'm telling you the best cure in the world is comfort food you know how they say stuff a cold well I don't care what you got the flu lime disease empa you eat an entire dark meat chicken you can walk on the moon how about some presents I want to see some presents I got this so I can write down for thank you notes what we got we all chipped in and got you this stroller oh thank you she already has a stroller and this is way worse than the stroller she
came with she's got to orbit that's a $1,200 stroller $1,200 for a stroller okay what else people assume that when you buy something with a brand name you're getting an item of higher quality false I buy my clothing by the pound my grandmother makes my own medicine my favorite Cola is soda flavored so am I impressed with the stroller you tell me hey Jan you went to a sperm bank uh yes I did I donated sperm oh maybe I'm the father well this is a a highly exclusive establishment next to the IHOP well I paid
for an ideal specimen are you saying Kevin is not an ideal specimen this is a wonderful shower everyone thank you I might have done it with Chan it's not Kevin's child can't possibly be I mean I I don't know what I would do Sue aside I need smart jokes for my speech um do you have any dirt on Phyllis um she hates her boss H Angela's not our boss we sold bit's trash can and we found some of his early attempts at his sign okay here's uh this is very simple Dwight's workspace nice M um
this one's interesting the power comes from the font in this one shuit space very medieval very England um this one's forceful this one's very Dwight quiet white fruit working it's good I really heard him on that this one's interesting I'm not really sure what he meant by this um Dwight sh privates tough to say yeah I he might have meant private eye he might have meant private eye you know what though I'm going to be willing to bet that it wasn't a typo it just is that this wasn't meant to be put on the door
this is for him this is his own special sign and we'll keep it we won't tell him where we got it but we'll tell him that he should hold on to it keep it what makes them feel good I do not know I mean they'll just dough twisted up with some candy they taste so good in my mouth that's what she said all right 364 days till the next pretzel day I would love for everyone to just forgive me but if that's not happening I'm not AV vers to just buying them all off all right
guys you know how we all like the red licorice but it's always buried behind like a ton of black licorice bought it all now it's like red City in there so enjoy it money bags must be nice so you effectively spent what $4 on the entire office I can't get a handle on it am I cheap or Rich I can't you're nothing when I think about all the gas money I spent on you washing my car to make sure well enjoy the red Licorice and good riddance right whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa so you're just
going to throw away perfectly good food it's not really food right I'm really hating this gym guy okay okay okay I know what you can do Jim take those black licorice then go get some of those red licorice take them in your hand roll them up real tight and shove it up by butt damn it Jim you stole my afternoons now you stole my lion it's not shoved up your butt it's I'll kill you I'll kill you dead eat it I'm not going to eat it eat it I'm not going eat it it's just so
important for you to get your big story isn't it to edit everything together to make it look like there's a villain well there's not always a villain sometimes there's just a hardworking petite woman trying to make a conscientious decision about the rest of her life too boring did I lose you here is this what you want close the door this is your fault no your stupid friend zone I should have been lovers with her first and then friends that was terrible advice terrible advice you know my seduction method I like to get in there and
get my hands dirty you sabotage me you sabotage me man who whoa Michael it's good advice all right if it's meant to be you don't have to push it so just take your time I'm suspending you without pay for the rest of the year no you're not okay no I am not Dwight I want you to take Jim's chair no no his chair at his desk he gets it back on Friday all right I want you to get your ass out of my face attention attention we only have a few weeks left and most of
you are just as fat as the day we began how much weight have you lost D I'm hardly the problem Jim no you're definitely the problem this is what I'm going to do I'm going to randomly select three names and these three people will get lipos suction uh Stanley Phil is Kevin oh also this operation is not covered by insurance and you will be responsible for your own medical bills that is not allowed J just need to make a quick call it's a rule a rule okay yes this is Jim Halper from Dunder Mifflin yep
I can hold just one call yeah yeah definitely Oscar thank you so much for coming in I need you to talk with my maid just please her name is Teresa say hello this is Oscar Andy's friend how are you she she's fine how are the kids you don't ah the 5-year-old is taking swimming lessons and the 10-year-old has braces it's kind of cute tell her thanks for all the hard work but it's not working outa I'm not firing your maid Andy I would totally fire your English speaking made for you she wants to know why
it's not Uno thing or those things it's like Diaz things she shrunk my Kashmir sweater she puts the peanut butter in the fridge so it's like impossible to spread she says she'll do better I've already moved on mentally just tell her that I hired someone else she wants to know who uh tell her that it's you say it Thea hi so okay man that is the hardest part of my job oh she still has my keys Oscar Oscar what oh last night Jenny came over again and she cooked me dinner and then we had sex
all night long gross that that's awesome Kevin it is this summer I decided to become a liar I just make things up it's going great how was my summer I was on a new diet where I couldn't eat any red meat I lost 2 lbs and I'm angry all the time this summer I did the minority executive training program at Yale you guys I'm like really smart now you don't even know you could ask me Kelly what's the biggest company in the world and I'd be like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
giving you the exact right answer everybody hello can I attention please since it's Valentine's Day there's something that I wanted to say I love the women of this office Pam I love you Michael's got a few tricks for Valentine's Day he found a place where you can get 12 plastic roses for $10 and he's got a great line miso thorny I love you fyis me lady I love you Angela yes even you I love you Kelly I love you Meredith this is all platonically of course and and I have one more and this one goes
to to me because I'm heading to New York and I need some good karma yeah but roses don't give you good karma roses are symbols of death you know what just okay there you go smart guy whoa okay problem solved I love ladies always have and you know what I think is the most attractive part of a woman's body the brains because I don't think a woman is beautiful unless she is smart and also the brains are where ladies get their best nasty ideas for bedroom stuff Dwight's room key and Dwight's room what can I
say old habits die hard D oh my god do I got a hooker oh my God I got to call I got to call somebody I don't even know who to call I got a hooker get in the closet and tie the doors with the wire hanger like I taught you no Michael needs me but I'll be up in 90 minutes I promise okay bye monkey Cosmos just like Carrie Bradshaw great quarterback no wow do you have any other brain ticklers for us no that that was fun but we should get back to business wait
hey Michael you see that wall yes okay now look away from it you don't know if the Wall's still there what do you mean of course it's still there well you don't know that because you're not looking at it what if it disappeared where would it go well that's not I don't know I know where the wall goes okay so you're saying that if I'm not looking at the wall how do I know it's there yes easy oh all right how does the wall know when I am looking at it okay I think we've gone
too far off topic how do we know that we are not on topic for a different conversation because it is not in the binder binder I don't see a binder I'm not looking at the binder how do I know the binder exists binder I hardly knew her so whoa still there hey oh uh Pam can I see you in here for a second it's uh important so okay what what is this I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot oh my God what are we going to do I don't know I don't know I don't
know what the best play is uh do we tear everything up or do we buy a horse on the internet I mean I don't know what to do what do you think I know I I know what to do okay what okay put everything back exactly how you found it okay hey Dwight Jim and I found your wallet in the parking lot what did you do to it nothing I'm serious what did you do to it Dwight I swear we didn't do anything nice try cancel card cancel card cancel card hi Ryan hey how are
you doing i' I've missed you I've missed you too don't you remember me um yeah you got to give me a hint um did you meet me at the gym no who the hell is Ryan talking to are you a client to the oh not again Melissa daddy wait for me outside God she is 16 what is wrong with you exp came right up to me this thinging around a bar like some toio no no no don't apologize now you ought to stay away from my daughter you want to end up on the Stone Phillips
nasty man don't ride [Music] [Music] back in the 60s I was with the Grassroots we toured with uh Janice Joplin the doors cream we had a lot of fun and now I do quality assurance for a paper company as you can imagine uh drugs played a part we still do I uh my work calls last about 90 seconds and that's about as long as I can [Music] concentrate so slide moves are just bushly I hope I die before I'm old [Music] C
