The Shocking Truth About Gender Differences with Dr. John Gray

Welcome back everybody to the selling with love podcast now this episode is going to be a little different than the past ones because it's actually a part two from a previous conversation that I had with the one and only Dr John Gray so I'm going to suggest for anybody who might be tuning in you would have such a great context of the conversation if you go back into the previous conversation that I was having with Dr Gray just a Few weeks back where we were talking about men women sales workplace and all the juicy details

that go behind the scenes of making that happen in today's modern society introduction gets done quite properly on the first episode but I do want to remind that we have the legendary Dr John Gray the man who wrote the series of books Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus and so many other books related on the topic of understanding how do we behave in Relationships in the workplace and living on this planet together and it's such an honor to have you come back Dr John Gray how are you doing hey doing good happy to

talk to you again yeah well I guess we had a good time last time I mean we ran out of time and both of us had an I think we had both a meeting right after and we're both like ah the topic isn't done and um I wanted to kind of kick off on some of the feedback I got from the last episode Particularly speaking um around how women this this is I want to jump right into it because where we left off was where we talked about how women are constantly testing women are always

looking for little Clues on how we're doing the little things while men often times are thinking about the bigger things and it was so interesting on social media to see some people going yep we're always testing that's true it happens on a subconscious level but I Also had a large portion of the audience saying no we're not always testing that seems so trivial and that seems like a dated idea of how we behave and I'm sure you've encountered this kind of dichotomy in your own audience so I'd be curious to know what's what's going on

there well what what happens is as women take on roles that men traditionally had they make male hormones and when they're making male hormones they're not connecting to their Female hormones so they're more subconscious uh so they're not aware of that part of them so many women who are more on their masculine side they don't relate to any of the things we say about women H because you know oh that's not me so that that's not them and that's a reality is you know when I when I talk about men in business and men in

sales I talked about this when a man has a a a big sale it's going to he's going to have more fear around it And so you need to treat him a bit like you'd want to treat a woman okay uh which we talked about in the last thing you want to build trust in a certain way so we know that basically I can be in an audience of women I say how many women experience uh concern if you're walking to your car at night and some women are fear and most of the women will

raise their hand there'll be some who go I don't care I'm tough woman I can do whatever want and you can ask men how Many men feel fear and some men will raise their hand but most will go I don't experience fear all the time I certainly don't I I I it doesn't even enter my awareness where I'm afraid somebody's going to attack me or whatever it just doesn't it's not my life experience but women biologically historically are very vulnerable uh to men doing things to them danger happening just put it like that so there's

a a there's a harmone That when a woman is in touch with those are my terms in touch with her female side biologically it means she's producing more estrogen and when you make and women biologically if they're not stressed okay if a woman's not stressed she's going to be making on average 10 times more estrogen than a man estrogen whenever we have the emotion positive emotions or negative emotions there's a surge of estrogen so it's a vulnerability and some women Today just aren't in touch with their vulnerability and usually they're single uh vulnerability not only

says I could be hurt I I I I need support but it also says I appreciate I'm grateful I'm happy you know to be happy is a very vulnerable thing to be happy uh because and to let someone make you happy is the most vulnerable because if somebody can make you happy then they can make you unhappy by withholding what they did to make you happy so uh this is what women Are they are more sensitive they are more vulnerable biologically if they're in tune with a hormonal balance which is healthy for women some women

have a hormonal balance which is not healthy and this is proven we know that when women uh um are infertile for example which now we have about 30% of women who are infertile they're not making enough estrogen I mean think about that being an imbalance where you you can't even do what your body's designed to do whether You want to do it or not you should be able to be able to make a baby up to a certain age so when you can't that's a huge red flag something's wrong I don't like to make people

wrong you have choices and whatever I'm not saying every woman should are all the same they're not but there's certain things that are biologically Destiny for women and certain things that are biological Destiny for a man anytime a man is angry he's having a surge of estrogen not Testosterone when a man is ang most people think oh testosterone it's male hormones are bad no male hormones are the best thing going is anytime a man has sufficient male hormones he doesn't have a stress level anytime a man is stressed his estrogen is going up most people

don't know that so we have to have a clarity about hormones for uh between men and women there's times when um you know there's an old saying which I like to say because there's so much Truth in it although it pushes a lot of people's buttons which is in China uh there's an old saying I've taught a lot in China and studied there in all the countries but uh there's this saying which a man a man not a child a man should never cry unless his heart is broken uh there's a reality there you know

when my wife died of cancer I cried for two years almost all the time and that was what I had to do because it was such an attachment I had with her to te It's a tear and so that causes a surge of estrogen inside of me cuz my testosterone sinks uh because I'm powerless to bring her back anytime a a person feels powerless their testosterone goes down uh that's why you'll see that most of the romance in the movies throughout history and all the novels the romance occurs when a woman feels powerless and a

man saves her see these are realities these are biological realities and you can invent Your reality you want and if it's working for you I say fine but people come to me because they want better relationships they want CH there's challenges and they found that these insights that I provide suddenly it makes sense it it it's like how many women it's countless number of women whove approached me saying you know finally I'm married my relationship's working two people just today told me it just happens all the time because I Learned through you how to connect

with my female side instead of being the man and then but when you say this you have to Define what it means to quote be the man well anytime you're ex ex doing behaviors that are stimulating more testosterone than estrogen you're in a sense being the man and so one of those behaviors would be pursuing for example pursuing a man women who are on their male side who are single and I talk to a lot of them uh they'll say you know why Is that I don't have a man in my life and I say

well tell me about your relationships with men and they pursue the men that they want to be with as opposed to create a situation where the man they'd want to be with could pursue her this doesn't mean be a Wallflower like was done in the past uh women would display themselves and men would pursue to certain extent you know we're empowered women today you can assert Yourself but assert yourself in a way that motivates a man to pursue you because when men are pursuing they're making male hormones if you pursue a man it will make

female hormones in him and men do not bond with estrogen men Bond estrogen is a bonding Harmon but men Bond when they experience an estrogen response from a woman he does something that's significant or meaningful for her and she feels oh gratitude appreciation she feels trust the men are coming like Flies uh this is why young women are often more appealing to men uh older you get women say oh you know all the good men are taken there's plenty of good men out there but they're just not approaching her because when you're a younger woman

typically what that means harmonal is your estrogen levels will be much higher you also don't have the level of confidence that you'll gain as you age you know confidence is a good thing but it's also a testosterone Producer you have to balance that this is a discernment confidence look what I can do is testosterone assuredness feeling worthy look what I deserve you mean I don't have to work hard to get love and support I don't have to give more to get more I just have to be myself I'm a I'm worthy of it without having

to earn it I guess that's the main thing I'm saying is that it's very important to build your masculinity to create male hormones and women do need To make male hormones it's just it's so easy for them to make male hormones they can easily go overboard making male hormones whenever a woman is stressed her body automatically makes more male hormones it's just automatic and the way we can put this in terms of our psychological experience for women who feel like I don't I don't relate to any of this stuff well maybe there some word I

say or whatever but take an example where you're in a relationship with a Man and you feel that he's neglecting you uh you feel he doesn't uh show affection he doesn't listen he's not pursuing me he uh neglects me in some way uh I'm not getting his affection attention understanding caring respect you know the whole line of various things that people need so if she feels I can't depend on him to do that it could be I can't depend on him to empty the trash so what's her reaction I'll just do it myself and that

feeling of I Just do it myself is going to what we call the male side because when you do it yourself you make testosterone when it's we time when we're doing it together or he's doing it for me this is biology when you're depending on someone for help estrogen goes up and your well-being your stress level if you're a woman goes down uh typically for men it doesn't lower your stress to raise your estrogen up it does you know the ultimate and and you know I don't want People to get the wrong idea it's not

this extreme I have a female side I have a male side I will be spending time with my granddaughter tomorrow and I'm an amazing grandfather I'm an amazing parent it's the thing my wife loved most about me is how dedicated I am to nurturing my family and caring for them and prioritizing them uh that's my female side and my male side combined you see there's a balance there if I'm providing for them when we go on Vacations it's kind of funny that's the hardest work I have because I have to tend to them the whole

time you know it's not so much a vacation for me uh I go I go fishing with my friends or go play basketball with guys you know I'm not responsible for them that's my vacation I call that cave time but when I'm on my family I I'm I'm like totally there for them and and my wife says to me I I my wife of 32 years said this to me my wife now I got married married Again uh they both say you know you are so generous you're the most generous person I've ever met you're

so giving you're so loving you're so attentive you're so supportive and I say no you know you think of me as totally selfless I'm completely selfish I'm probably the most selfish person you ever met in relationships I know that if I do this and this and this and this I'm going to have a happy wife I'm going to have children that love me and are well and Happy and fulfilled in their life I understand what it takes to provide a kind of support that balances a woman's hormones cuz if a woman's hormones are in Balance

she will be happy and I can take credit for it she will want to have sex with me that's a big deal you know so many men complain you know my wife's just not into sex you know she's lost her interest in sex I feel like I have to beg for it I have to convince her I have to do things to get it and and they I also have to do things to get it but it's easy because I know what works when you have what works you have to do certain things if you're

a man if you want a wife to be attracted to you to sustain attraction for you and I counsel women all the time who who are not attracted to their husbands and in every case it's their husband is producing too many female hormones he's passive he gets angry about stuff he gets irritable about stuff he forgets stuff he neglects Things he grumbles about stuff men don't realize that when you do those things you're on your female side is it when without your male side being strong whenever a man has negative emotions negative feelings his estrogen

levels are really high his testosterone's going down there are situations where you can't change that like when my wife died or when one of my you know you know had a couple days had a business partner who died and so the emotions will come up That's appropriate that's the grieving process but I process it I use my maale side to understand it to process it and that's a whole another talk how to do that uh written whole books son how do you have a negative emotion and move through it for women particularly need to process

their emotions now a lot of those women go I don't have time to talk I don't want to talk to my husband my husband talks too much and I go yeah he's on his female side because he can't Connect with you because you're on your male side but women need to learn how to be vulnerable to be vulnerable is to share what's inside of you men do not need to be so vulnerable and when they are women get sick of them very quickly and there's some women go oh but I I love a man who'll

share his feelings I say are you married to that man yeah some guy out there sharing his feelings with you but when you're married to somebody when you're Depending on that person you do not want him to be all emotional about his sadness and his bad moods and his fears and his insecurities you don't want to hear that you see if it's some stranger out there oh man in touch with his feelings tears up he so sweet now at the same time I have to say I a man shouldn't cry that's the Chinese statement I

cry all the time of joy and happiness or sentimental feelings maybe every day I think about something Reminds me of my wife and how special our marriage was I'll a few tears will come down but it's not like I'm in pain I I feel the joy of of how much I love her it just connects me to that feeling of love which is a lot of estrogen uh and and so but I have enough testosterone so that I'm not a victim I'm not feeling needy I'm not feeling angry I'm not feeling hurt you know there's

a thing where men you can't go around saying I feel hurt when you say That to me women can do that not men you have to have a certain level of groundedness and strength I want to jump in here because you well first off we've covered a lot of that first question and that's what I love about our conversation I I I'm always like in an observer and you know we are on the selling with love podcast and for those listening we're definitely leaning into the love site but I'm so interested in this topic because

I Always pick up something in our chat here and one of the things I wanted to kind of share or kind of shift the conversation to is how we talked about women leaning more into the masculine side men being a little more on the feminine side and I'm wondering if there's like a chicken or an egg situation that we should be paying attention to because it seems to me like there's a lot of the women that are stepping into the masculine side almost As a response to the fact that not as many men are there

being men they're kind of acting more like boys in general and I don't know if that's a phenomenon that's the egg but not the chicken I mean chicken and egg which is starts it all started I mean who created this change women decided they wanted to be more like men when women decide they want to be more like men men basically don't have the motivation to be like men see what motivated men was women needed Us men testosterone only Rises up when you're taking care of someone who needs you uh when you're needed when you're

needed I have to do this whether I want to do it or I don't want to do it testosterone goes up we're designed for that as men throughout history for thousands of years we have done the Dirty Jobs the dangerous jobs the difficult jobs the risky jobs and we did it with a smile on our face and we didn't complain because when we do Something we have to do to serve a noble purpose whether we like it or not that is testosterone now women are now doing dirty dangerous difficult jobs whether they like it or

not and they resent it after they do it for a while you know they they resent it they they they complain about all I have to do this I have to do this or they don't complain about it but they feel overwhelmed they don't have the breaks that men have they don't have the Resources to come back to feeling good that men have the way men do it if I have a stressful day I can just put on the news or I can watch a movie and I forget all my problems for women my wife

would watch the news she remembers more problem there more problem s to worry about you know it's just from my experience is this is other people's problems that I don't have to solve and if I was in charge of their life I would know better or watch a football game for A guy he's constantly being the coach no don't do this you should do this or the team is winning we're winning If he if the team's losing he's losing it's a it's a bummer for him but these things take him away from his own problems

and we have this foolishness uh that's I like a lot of things that are taught in psychology but there's a lot of foolishness because they don't acknowledge that men and women are different when I'm stressed I Don't need to talk about my feelings I need to do something that will build my testosterone if I talk about my feelings my estrogen goes higher and that doesn't release stress for men when estrogen goes higher his testosterone goes lower it causes cortisol I can't really say it causes cortisol because we can't ever say anything causes anything these days

but we do know that whenever a man is producing stress hormones he's also not producing enough testosterone in general He's producing way too much estrogen that's what's going on and to me it's it's so obvious and for women when she's stressed when your body is making the hormone cortisol guess what is always the case her testosterone is rising her estrogen is going down or her progesterone is going down as her testosterone goes up at a different time of the month so for women they're going through a monthly cycle men go through a cycle every day

you know our ours is you Act you work you build your testosterone uh through working but you also use it up you relax after working that's cave time any type of relaxing testosterone producing activity will rebuild his testosterone so it's U time working for people coming back to working for me and then it's we time then you come back to your relationship so there's kind of a cycle there for a young man it's more just you time me time but as you mature as a man your fulfillment is limited if You're not sharing what you've

produced with somebody else and that's maturity in men usually men grow up when they have a kid uh that's about it otherwise they're all Peter Pans today well you know I'm living here in Bali and that's definitely an island of Peter Pan never everland that's right oh you can see it yeah I see it every day and um John you know what's funny is like when I hear what you're saying and of course in like I'm a man I'm listening from this as a Male perspective and everything you're saying right now I'm just like nodding

my head I'm like yeah this seems to make sense I think of my fiance and every time that she's in the most relaxed State and every time we're both feeling really happy it's usually related to things you're talking about right now but I can't I can't help but have a sense that as you're sharing this there's a little voice at the back of my head saying like oh we can't say stuff Like that today it's taboo what why is that taboo when because like you're not you're not coming up with this because of an intuition

like you're you're quoting research5 years of working with men and women seeing what works in their relationships and anybody who disagrees with this stuff look at their relationship are they happily married for many many years is there a model for you to follow here And you'll see so many couples who are you know these are more conservative ideas it's a conservative idea that men and women are different and the liberal ideas is look a liberal all I care about is helping people and everything I always voted liberal uh so what it is is there was

this there's this place I just have to give examples I was talking to a man the other day and he had the same little thing behind him uh which is but we can we really say this is it okay to Say this it seems kind of harsh or bad or sexist to say this and I and and he told me he said you know when he's a grown man but he said when I was a teenager I felt like we all had a male and female side and wouldn't we all get along if we just

didn't acknowledge differences at all and I said that's a nice thought we're all the same this is utopian idealistic ideas it's the same thing as Dei which is everybody gets paid the Same see would it be great what's Dei I don't even know that acronym that's don't even know to go there then diversity equity and inclusion got it got it it all sounds good it sounds good shouldn't we love everybody that's diversity but now you're hiring ing black people not white people is that fair so there's an idea there and lots of logic behind that's

called the diversity Equity is that everybody should make the same amount now let's Say I sell more cars than you sell we should still get the same amount that's what Equity is everybody makes the same amount and inclusion is that will make everybody feel included everybody gets to be a part of the show equally so if you do a TV show you have to have this many black people this many white people this many gay people this many trans people that's what it's everybody gets the same and this is some idealistic idea cuz truly as

Liberals wouldn't it be great if everybody felt loved and supported well this was Mal you know I was just talking to my Chinese friend who bows to the picture of Mao every day her mother does uh and she goes why does she love Ma so much cuz ma killed all the rich people so the poor people would have abundance but the that's what happened people don't know the Chinese Revolution 50 million people died they killed all the intelligent people the The any anybody who had abundance and financial support are smart get rid of those people

who are all the higher ups and now we're all the same we're all poor and then the result was all the poor people did not get rich the company crashed until they brought in Western ideas of of capitalism and then the company flourished and then when they take away now they've been taking away capitalism and they're going heav into the communistic ideas the economy is Going down again what motivates men see people don't understand this I what motivates a man is I can have more than you that's what motivates why should I be motivated to

work hard if you don't work hard and you get paid the same I'll just think well hey if you can get away with it I'll do the same and what I talk about in terms of of relationships I I got a little bit too far out there and social structure but the masculine side of us doesn't do Anything unless you have to do it this is this is a bi biological thing it's an efficiency Gene that we have and women don't have that Gene they don't understand it and so why because what women do is

they do whatever they can and then they feel overwhelmed they give and they give and they give and then they complain my husband doesn't give to me my husband doesn't give to me and so she can't like regulate efficiently at least when I say she can't she can but She doesn't know how to if she's unhappy okay remember that's what I'm saying if you're happy woman you figured it out but most women today their stress levels are measurable by studies if you look at averages a woman in the workplace her cortisol levels are twice as

high as the average man and when she comes home her cortisol levels from work to home double men's goes down in the after coming home from work we are much better at how to regulate our stress levels if We are more traditional conservative men if if we're more not more liberal we've been taught by the universities which are extremely liberal and they have these utopian ideas that we should all be the same then they're been taught men should be just like women and we're no difference and we should talk about our feelings and so then

women go what's my husband feeling and maybe in the beginning amazing he has a female side I get to know what's inside of him and Then he continues to share more and then she gets disgusted by it and literally I hear women tell me all the time I'm sick of it my husband talking about his feelings he's talking all the time we don't have time for that uh it's a turnoff when men are more feminine than they are masculine now there are some people if we're getting into this broad range which are born with a

more of a balance of masculine and feminine okay so they have Within them and usually they're Geniuses they have more colle if they're males they have more connected tissue between the left and right hemispheres of the brain which means they can easily go from female to male you can look at these people and they typically they're your best writers best politicians and best artists and musicians I've WR famous I've read a book on the famous lives of artists musicians politicians famous and they All have tortured sex lives it's called The Sex lives of all these

people they're very tortured because they're confused about their male and female side they can go from the female side or the male side it can be very very confusing they're not consciously doing it they're like a pendulum that swings over to uh to their male side and they're very creative they're very disciplined they produce something amazing and that creative part is Because they're connected to their female side but when a man goes way to his male side then he will swing way to the female side and he will have depression and anxiety and become a

drug addict almost all famous writers and still today Hollywood writers all those people are on drugs they all take cocaine um there may be exceptions to this but from my my knowledge of it uh rock rock and roll Stars we know these amazing guys up there they all take Drugs it's interesting where you're going right now makes me think like like where you're going right now like here's here's some my people I'm thinking about like Freddy Mercury Carl lagerfelt um like a lot of these artsy people like this is this is the the the people

that are operating at a level of Mastery that have this kind of more integrated side these are the people we're talking about here yeah yeah it's anybody that creative power you'll also see in the Lives of artists there's this tor there's this challenge in relationships and what what happens is they swing to their male side then they go to their female side and they have no masculinity at that time that the emotions are irrational and they're turbulent and they're upset and then to cope with that they have addictions whenever whenever you have an addiction you're

if you're a man it's because your your male side is weak and that whenever your male side is Weak you go to instead of doing what you have to do that's masculinity to achieve your goal goals to be a responsible person to be worthy of love all those things what you have to do when you don't have Role Models or support to feel confident that I can follow through then what happens is you go to not what I have to do but what I like to do I like to do it see this was the

60s for me I remember rock song that really put me in a trance which was do what you Like do what you like do what you like you know no longer did you have to get married have sex free sex if you feel it take drugs do whatever you like and do what you like was really fun in the beginning but then it crashed you crash down you weakened and fortunately for me I had a good role model I learned how to meditate I became the assistant to the Maharishi of the TM movement and a

great man who was making a difference in the world certainly at his faults but a role Model for me of how to be masculine and and you don't whine you don't complain you don't get upset about stuff you you suck it up the stuff that they tell you in Psychology you should never do women should never do it men have to learn to suck it up I have to make the segue here just to bring it back to sales and I think this is the perfect time to do it is in my book on selling

with love I speak about a certain type of salesperson that's highly effective but They don't give a about the results of who they sell to and I kind of make a an a nod to The Wolf of Wall Street type and the whole industry there where there seems to be that correlation with addiction around High sales performance high stress environment is there something related to what you're sharing there that can be seen in these high intensity sales position where you're seeing the douchebag salesperson Wall Street uh manipulative Sales type of environment so the the best

sell selling with love is I want to provide the best service for you and if it's not the best service for you I'm going to tell you where you can get the best service see that's what you have to do if you want to sell with love and that's always going to win out the best somebody recently referred me to somebody else and you know in my mind I did go to somebody else I didn't go to that person but if I could recommend That person for anything I would do that and they stuck out

in my mind oh you gave it what sale that's highly respectable from my point of view because he knew what I was wanting was not something he could offer he could somebody else could do better so that that is the opposite of the Wall Street guy that all comes from a place of insecurity uh self-hatred you don't love yourself you don't have confidence that I can I can get it so suddenly I have to Go to my female side and this is what those guys are on their female side their lives are built with doing

what they like to do what they want to do they're not caring about other people they're not doing what they have to do to be a good person to have virtue values you know what are your virtues what are your values as a as a man what makes you feel good and you stick to that regardless they don't have that so what they have when you don't stand up For your values as a man you have insecurity your testosterone levels will be low you will then seek happiness and fulfillment by being selfish do what you

like do what you want be above the law and if you want to go further with that the whole you know I've read so many books and everything about spirituality and also the Satanist books the whole theme aliser Crowley every chapter of his book he's the main main Satanist in our modern world he it's the rule of of Satanist is do what thy Wilt do whatever you want you can do anything it's fine follow what you your pleasure you know even when comes to sex we've lost ourselves with men you know losing their testosterone by

doing uh non-intimate sex impersonal sex only lowers a man's testosterone and disconnects him from his soul and so doing having sex with yourself having sex with online strangers this just depletes a man and will continually lower his testosterone And you get addicted to it you see when you're on your female side let me Define masculine female side just by what hormones when you feel independ dependent I can do this myself you're making testosterone that's one of the symptoms of testosterone I can do it myself when you're making estrogen is I'm depending on you I need

you to do something for me and that's your manipulative salesperson you know I need you to think like I think And some people are you know social paths are can be amazing salespeople because you just can't imagine that this person is pushing this on me and it's not a good thing for me you know it you just couldn't imagine I've been in my younger years been ripped off so many times because I couldn't imagine that somebody would be trying to trick me because I never try to trick anybody my wife always said about me John's

an innocent he may make mistakes But he's an innocent he's always sincere you know I just want to help I want to provide I want to protect and and when I make mistakes and I don't I do feel bad but immediately I forgive myself because I didn't mean to do that so and if you want good relationships you have to be really good at forgiving yourself and then you can forgive others that's the the whole premise and in terms of sales if you live a life where you forgive yourself because you're innocent You find your

innocence I don't mean to do that and you practice not doing the M mistakes you make what would mistake be for example I get angry and yell at my wife oh my God I should never do that I don't never want to do that again and I stopped and because I understood one it's scary to her she can't open up to me and two it's not good for me uh even it's a whenever a man is angry he's having a flare of estrogen you can you can see people think anger is Testosterone in men no

you see it so clearly we saw this gave me the aware one of the ways I got that awareness is men who take testosterone already they have low testosterone okay then when they take testosterone if the testosterone goes above the normal limit and goes up the body produces a hormone called uh I forget the name of it right now uh but it makes a hormone that converts the testosterone into estrogen and that's called road rage the Testosterone goes too far to it will convert your body will you know your body's always seeking balance um so

it's a conversion thing of converting testosterone into estrogen oh is it the Aromas over expression aromat yeah you did it right there aromat okay that's so crazy you read my mind because I was just about to say wait but what about like steroids and and people that are T to be over aggressive when they're on steroids but No first of all they have they're not making testosterone they're having to take testosterone so already that's the sign of of psychological insecurity okay because when you have psychological confidence you make tons of testosterone so if if you

look back at the the basic of the brain for a man we have a sex Center back in our instincts because the biology is run by the instincts okay when I cut my arm I don't do anything to heal it's the Instinct Your body has so much that's going on that we have no idea about you know we could never figure it out to do so if you look at the instinctive part of the brain for a man it's twice as big as a woman when it comes to the sex part okay but the sex

is were is pure instinctive so for women for a certain extent I I love that some women will be offended by this but I don't mean to offend but generally speaking a man's experience is that women are not that interested in Sex and we have to convince them there are exceptions without a doubt there are exceptions but uh I'm just thinking of other TV shows I've been on where there were some very masculine woman who says well I want sex too I'm I'm just like a man I I said hey that's great that's just not

all all of our experience as men and then you get the woman who's 40 years old or 45 years old and her husband is no longer interested in her sexually his testosterone levels have Crashed uh because they for a lot of reasons but lack of a woman's responsiveness in sex can lower a man's testosterone hugely a woman's responsiveness and even interest in sex raises a man's testosterone uh what you can see is when a man goes on and does porn immediately he gets an erection until that wors out but it's just simply naked women what

a nak what's a message a naked woman gives is that you're the alpha male this is a primitive part of The brain is like a monkey and a monkey tribe the alpha male makes his body makes twice as much testosterone as all the other male monkeys because he is the alpha now when he dies one of those betas low testosterone guys gets in a fight he now becomes number one and as soon as he has the status of King of the tribe his testosterone levels double first the status then the doubling of testosterone a woman

being interested in A male raises his status so it's not that you have status well status does cause women to be interested in you there's no question about that some women will say I remember having a girl at Stanford getting all mad at me in one of the classes I was teaching you know I just said you know she said I don't believe any of these differences it's all nonsense and I said look do you plan on getting married someday and she goes I don't know but if you were to get Married and you told

your parents hey Mom good good news I'm getting married what are your what is your what are your parents going to say what does he do for a living that's exactly right of course of course and she said my parents aren't going to say that cuz I don't care what he does for a living I'll have love I don't care what he are you are you like insane you know and I watched all the the girls that weren't wearing all the Trashy clothes Trashy meaning sloppy not caring how she looks the pretty girls in the

class going I want to make sure he's got a job see this is femininity femininity is attracted to a man who has something to offer her okay so this if we want to deny uh gender differences we'll go oh I don't care if a man has something to give to me I know true love I'll just love him yes you'll love him until you resent him because you'll feel I'm giving more than him and a man will Become lazy he'll become angry he'll become irritable he'll become addicted to things going to his female side in

a relationship with a woman if she is more masculine than him and this comes back to to what you were saying the chicken and egg where did this start it all started this huge wonderful transformation we're going through right now we're it's like remodeling your house it's very messy for a while and then it gets beautiful the beautiful Part is for men to be able to become even more masculine so that they can also become more sensitive it's only when a man can become more masculine that he can actually feel more sensitive if he's just

sensitive his testosterone will just go down he has to have a higher level of confidence that I make a difference then he can also feel be on his emotional side more which is great I'm way on my emotional side but I have a status I have a confidence I have a Self-esteem you know all this stuff holds my testosterone up biologically I tested I'm 50% higher than when I was a young man and you know a lot of that has to do with my success of course that's a part of it having self-confidence having validate

yourself not depending on anybody else but it's also I know the big secret is making love I mean I have great sex men need to feel extremely successful in the bedroom you cannot feel successful in the bedroom if your Wife is not feeling cared for prioritized able to share feeling safe all those qualities of femininity for her to be turned on to him so I mentioned briefly about the woman who says you know she's now in her 40s her husband's not interested in sex and she says I want him I I'm the one who wants

sex I want sex and I say yeah test how much lubrication there is in your vagina she wants she wants to feel the way she felt when he was pursuing her she wants Him to have that feeling but she's not she didn't even know what the feeling is that turns a man on because if she did he would be turned on to her there's these guys if you can't get arise and a woman is turned on to you and not demanding and loving you because of what she sees in you you get an erection literally

the vagina talks to the penis there's a clear communication and it all happens through smell women when their V when their vagina is Wet and they're feeling aroused they they put out a smell and a man has uh two little nose a nose inside of this nose two flaps and those flaps their only job is to give him an erection because he smells estrogen that's it that's why men are turned on by young women so easily because they make so much estrogen and as women make less estrogen unless she has a a mindset and a

relationship that can raise her estrogen up a man can't be Turned on to her and if a man doesn't have testosterone a woman can't be turned on to him or it's very hard for her she can say I want to have sex but is her body really putting out the hormones that I'm in the mood for sex I'm pre- orgasmic and then you've got the other side of it which is the importance of Education educating men and women on all of the foreplay experiences what we have to do in order everything about foreplay As well

as romantic times outside the bedroom are all designed to raise a woman's estrogen so she will be interested in having sex with him now women can say oh that's not me I I'm interested in sex all the time okay that's a different kind of interest in sex that's called addiction to your clitoris so many women today are addicted to their clitoris what we what people don't realize is when you stimulate the clitoris you're making Testosterone now that's a quick way to produce arousal but it's a different kind of arousal than if you feel you're estrogen

is high uh this is the biological balance of a woman over 30 days is as she's getting closer to ovulation her estrogen levels will Peak okay when her estrogen levels are Peak this has all been measured and mapped out when they get very close to Peak then naturally her body releases a brain chemical which then raises her Testosterone levels and when she raises her testosterone levels then she will feel desire to be penetrated because now she can make a baby we need to catch a guy do it okay there all the biology it all fits

together but the difference between uh that cycle in a in a woman versus a female dog or animal whatever is that a female cannot ovulate cannot be interested in sex unless they're ovulating what women can do is be Interested in sex when they're not ovulating as long as their lifestyle is creating enough estrogen to then naturally release testosterone now testosterone is testosterone is very pleasurable but what happens for women just for fun I'm going to share this this is you take it leave it this is this is now uh what I've been talking about this

is all biology it's very well tested and so forth now I'm going to some things from Chinese philosophy There's the ancient Chinese medical system of acupuncture and what they know is that the clitoris is stimulates the kidneys okay this is the kidney merenia so if you're having sex and you're just stimulating the kidneys like you don't kiss enough you're not touching the breast you're not sucking on the nipples there's all these things that stimulate hormones nipples pleasurable stimulation if a woman is pleasured by it uh produces Huge amounts of oxytocin and estrogen once the estrogen

oxytocin rise up just like if she was starting to ovulate then it's natural to have her testosterone go up and that's where then it's appropriate to stimulate the clitoris now her testosterone's going up then now with the testosterone she can swing back and creates higher levels of estrogen and become multi-orgasmic that's the vaginal penetration the stimulation if you Climax on the clitoris then you've released your sex energy and there's nothing in your vagina so there's many women I've had to counsel them on this teach them how to enjoy penetration some women they feel nothing with

penetration by a man until because they're addicted to the clitoris the clitoris is a big dopamine stimulator big testosterone stimulator and it's there to increase her testosterone but not to climax now Nobody writes about this okay I'm talking about ancient Chinese knowledge and my own experience of having a multi-orgasmic partner making sure that she doesn't climax all all her sex energy off of the clitorous she she gets addicted to that you know there's a intensification just like a man eating ice cream wants to keep eating ice cream or drink a beer you want to keep

drinking a beer you stimulate her clitoris she just wants more and more And more then she's done well if she's done that all of her sex energy life force energy stimulated the kidneys according to acupuncture so over stimulated kidneys the vagina has different levels different points that do the liver do the heart do the lungs your whole body gets regenerated by by man's penis in a woman's vagina and the man's penis also stimulating those areas get activate his organs so in in Asia The Secret of longevity was sex okay but The right kind of sex

where we multi orgasmic but here's the downfall which is if you're a woman and you just do self self-gratification are you you got your little robot stimate your clitoris are you are you even got a man to do it for you that's better because you're going to get more estrogen but still it's focusing on the clitoris you overstimulate the kidneys and what they say is that causes water retention so water retention means a lot Of fat on your butt and your thighs and your belly you hold all this water in your body and you can

see certain people that I know and I've counseled who have those weight issues they're addicted to masturbation they're masturbating like a teenage boy uh you know the because it's addictive it produces dopamine it's a uh and the worst thing for testosterone for males and is masturbation okay this is causes just as the evidence I got lots and lots of research on that but were Finishing up but the the evidence on that is what let me grab one piece of it there's just so much cuz they porn industry wants to say it doesn't affect your testosterone

okay yet we see testosterone going down every year and there's this one a lot of the group of uh boys who stop masturbating and they talk about how great they feel how wonderful it feels to not be masturbating I lucked out uh I became a celibate monk you know my goal was to Become enlightened and from 18 years old to 28 years old and part of Enlightenment if you're studying Eastern philosophy is celibacy okay so you don't masturbate at all you don't self- gratify you find your fulfillment through raising your Consciousness so you know unfortunately

fortunately for me but unfortunately for kids and the United Nations has just released their new uh instructions for sexual education for children and at third grade it's Appropriate to teach them your teacher is going to teach you how to masturbate as a form of self love no time in history has anybody looked at masturbation as a form of self-love this is loss of life force this is addiction it's highly addictive and then we have all these um young guys not all because we have different body types and so forth but we you hear from the

women all these premature ejaculators guys who ejaculate right away you can't give her The full opening up of the vagina and all the levels that have to go if you're done in six minutes you know this is a needs to be a much bigger process but if you're masturbating then suddenly you're basically training your body to ejaculate rather than to fide fulfillment for a woman and to go higher and higher into that fulfillment uh so this this is a problem for males besides the inability to perform sex in a healthy way for both You also

have lower testosterone just from all this self-gratification this is the opposite of of masculinity masculinity is about achieving a goal to achieve something to help other people it's always about how going to be helpful and coming back to sales you are a terrific salesman when you put yourself to the side I want to provide the best service for this person and if it's a woman particularly I want to do little things that we talked about last Time to ensure to her that I will that she's important to me things like U if she doesn't like

what you've offered to say tell me more about that get it a talk you listen to that and what do you think would you like this would you like that you see you're you're not like a husband who gets frustrated when your wife says let's go out to dinner and he says well let's okay where do you want to go she says I don't know then the husband says let's go to the Italian Restaurant and she says no not Italian it's got this it's got the cook change and then a man gets frustrated he he

shouldn't okay I've learned when my wife is hungry she can't make a decision right away uh literally when women are hungry there's a blood sugar drop that's significantly different from a man's we we are biologically different and she cannot make decisions when her blood sugar drops John we're going to that point again where we're running out of Time my friend and my whole thought here is like let him cook let him cook there's some nuggets here and I can't stop cuz I'm taking this all in but I need to put you on a 60 seconds

to give me the answer to one question I promise start I know you want that question about women and women yeah so what you get when a woman is to another woman there is a certain advantage and a disadvantage okay so same thing with a woman is a man is Selling to a man there's a certain advantage that we intuitively understand the way you think there's an intuition just by our whole life experience when two women are together there's going to be more Harmony there's an intuitive understanding of what this person needs and wants to

the extent that you know as a woman what you need and want and the same thing for a man to the extent that you you have self-awareness and I'm pointing out today that a lot of Self-awareness is missing today in both men and women we don't really know who we are uh and and and we shouldn't until we're at least 28 I mean this has been the prefrontal cortex which has the ability to self-reflect and know who you are doesn't even develop until you're 28 years old so so but the the dynamic of male to

male is going to be a greater sense of understanding where that person's coming from for women to women there's a greater Harmony of Understanding where they're coming from so there's good sales but the advantage is that when I'm with a woman I can provide for her knowing what was most important to her something that she needs that most men don't know and that opens a doorway for her and the same thing for women if a woman treats a man in a way that his wife doesn't treat him and I don't mean sexually but I just

mean appreciative what a good idea that's very helpful and if if she if she Can provide that kind of support for a man he's going to be more likely to buy for her okay it's just as simple as that we're human beings we all need love and if you understand with a man you're GNA and you're a woman because see by nature men are competitive with each other and whether women are ADM it or not they're very competitive with each other okay so there's this sense of competition with women and women and men with men

uh but the Sexes don't have to Be competitive okay it's I could provide something for this woman that most men never give to her so she's going to go this is a guy I can trust and the same thing a woman being happy and fulfilled appreciative and and listening to what I have to say as a man and thinking well that's brilliant I think we can provide that and I can do this for you remember I said this one so good I can do this for you and I love doing it see a man with

a happy woman goes I want somebody Who loves doing stuff for me so you you just this greater awareness is understand how to provide the loving support someone needs and they trust you more and you want to do business together Dr John Gray always a fantastic conversation I know we're wrapping up on the hour I just want to say first of all we definitely have our selling with love after hours episode here we're going to put a not safe for work little label on it because honestly we went into so many Different topics and it's

everything that we missed out on the first episode I'm so so grateful that we had an additional time together and for everybody listening in yeah we went a little outside our usual sales conversation but honestly these are things I'm excited about I'm interested in and I hope you you are too if you're listening to this on YouTube I'd love to see in the comments how do you like these conversations where we're talking More about relationships life that is going Beyond just the sales Universe because I'm personally very passionate about this and the fact that I

have someone like Dr John Gray with me today who is an expert in the field just gets us to have a little bit more understanding of ourselves of each other which ultimately makes us function more as a society which makes me very very happy John always a pleasure thank you so much for your time and with that for Body tuning in go out there with this new lot knowledge and go sell with love professionally maybe even personally as well thank you so much for listening to the selling with love podcast we have some previous episodes

you can tune in to right here and if you prefer the short form content where you get to the point in under 10 minutes we do have a ton of clips from our best episodes that are being shared on this channel as well so pick which one supports you the most And of course thank you for liking subscribing and of course selling with love