Brother's Fiancée is Obsessed With Me, Gets Jealous When My Brother and I Spend Time Together...

Brother's fiance is obsessed with me, gets jealous when my brother and I spend time together and said horrible things about the elderly woman who passed away in my care. My 27F brother 25 is marrying Lena, 24F, she doesn't have a family, so my family tried to make her feel really included. I liked her the few times I saw her until she started to get weird.

I live 5 hours away from my family because I worked as Rita's 98F personal nurse. So, I lived with her and I'm studying another degree, so I don't really have too much free time. The first time I met Lena almost 2 years ago, she came up to me saying that everyone in the family always talks about me or asks for me in every family reunion and she wanted to meet me.

I make a little talk with her and then I went to talk with my aunts. The rest of the night whenever I was talking to a member of my family, Lena would get into the conversation, even if it was private. I assumed she was trying to fit in and include herself.

So I included her in the conversations even though I found it uncomfortable. After that she included herself all the time in any conversation I was having with anyone at any family gathering. But I would include her in the conversations.

The problem started when they announced their engagement. They were going to announce it at a party. But before they announced it, I had to leave the place urgently because Rita had fallen out of the bathtub.

My brother understood the urgency and he took me to a room just the two of us to still tell me the news of his engagement before I leave. I congratulated and hugged him, but Lena ruined our moment because she complained saying that the firstborn of the family, me, must be there, but I just ignored her and my brother explained her that I had to leave. I have been taking care of Rita since before I graduated and she always trusted in my skills as a nurse and she's even paying for my second degree, which is a lot.

So, she became a third grandmother to me and after falling in the bathroom, she broke her hip and her health deteriorated greatly. It's just me and her pregnant great-grandchild who takes care of her. My mother also comes to the hospital to help me sometimes because Rita doesn't like to be touched by the hospital nurses.

She hates when strangers touches her for some traumas from her childhood. A few months ago, Lena went out with the women of the family to try on wedding dresses and one of my cousins told me that Lena kept complaining because I didn't went with them. Rita was sick and I was taking care of her.

Lena knew that. On my mother's birthday, I invited her for a brunch. It was supposed to be a mother and daughter outing like we do every year, but Lena insisted on coming.

My mother felt uncomfortable, but we included her in our brunch. Anyways, I can tell a lot of situations like that where Lena pushed herself too hard to get close to me, even if I was always kind with her. She even had an argument with a cousin because of that.

I reached my limit yesterday. Rita passed away 3 days ago. And not only am I really sad, but also my parents and brother since everyone knew her and she was a great woman.

Rita wants us to bury her ashes in the cottage where she grew up. Rita's great granddaughter surprised me with an arranged trip for the two of us to go and bury the ashes next week. I told my family that and my mother said she wants to go too, but Lena got totally mad and started to complain saying that we're going to a trip 2 days before the wedding.

To be honest, I totally forgot about it and I don't feel with the energy to go. My mother explained that we will only go to bury the ashes and come back literally the night before the wedding day and that everything is actually ready. Lena continued complaining and I snapped when she told me that I care more about an old lady who wasn't my family and that I should care a lot more about her since she'll be my real family.

my brother's wife and my nieces and nephews mother and the dead woman wasn't even my blood. I told Lena that Rita was like family to me and that she's not even a friend to me that she's not relevant in my life and if it wasn't for my brother I wouldn't even try to get along with her. Maybe I was mean but I was sad and angry.

I left the place while Lena was trying to argue with me and she started to cry saying that she only wanted to be family for me. I always wanted to make her feel included but she crossed my boundaries and doesn't have empathy at all. She didn't even give me condolences when Rita passed away and kept talking about the wedding all day while I made calls to take care of the funeral.

Now I'm thinking that I don't even want to go to the wedding. I love my brother and he even chose my bridesmaid dress, but I feel too bad to go and I'm even thinking of cutting off contact with Lena because her behavior is too weird and dense. I'm just sad and I want to cry all day because I lost the woman I considered my guide for 5 years for her wisdom.

And I feel guilty for not wanting to go to my brother's wedding and make him feel sad. But I just don't want to deal with Lena anymore because next time I see her, I know I will surely fight with her if she makes another comment like that. Update one.

First of all, I'm grateful to those who gave me good advice even though others left weird comments and hadn't even read the post before leaving a comment. I want to clarify again that I always tried to make Lena feel welcome and I always understood that she never had a family. But do I deserve to be treated without empathy?

Why should I overflow with empathy for her when she never showed empathy for me? I'm grieving and can't even have peace right now because of her. I also got comments saying that I should treat her like a toddler, but that's just rude.

She's a grown woman and should be treated like what she is. I think it would be insulting to treat her like a child. I talked to my parents about everything and also to my brothers.

In the conversation, I discovered things that Lena did and said that are even more weird. My mother said that Lena often makes comments like, "I'm more of a daughter to you than OP since she never visits you and I come all the time, which makes my mother uncomfortable. " She also said that she explained a lot of times to Lena that she doesn't likes physical touch.

Not even us hug her because she gets anxious and tense, but Lena just keeps hugging her. My mother also said that Lena speaks very badly of me and Lena even said that I cried more because of Rita's death than I did because of my real grandfather's death, which is something really shitty to say. My father said that a year ago Lena approached him just to say, "Your second daughter," referring to herself knows you better than your first daughter.

Haha, comparing the gifts we both gave him for Father's Day, and he just laughed it off, but he thought it was a weird comment to make. My father was the only one who always kind of disliked Lena. So now I know why.

My younger brother also said that he heard many times how Lena complained about me not going to family gatherings, although she also complained about that in my face a few times. So it seems that we all shut down a lot of things because we wanted to understand her situation and make my brother happy. We live next to a poor neighborhood and we know a lot of other people in the same situation as Line.

So we tried to make her feel included, but I don't understand her behavior to me at all. At this point, I was crying most of all because I just don't want to deal with this after Rita's death. And I felt bad for my brother.

My brother hugged me and said he's sorry and started to tear up, saying that it's difficult for him to deal with Lena's behavior, too. He told me that Lena was always making hateful comments towards Rita. She never met Rita and all of us in the family are sad about her departure because she was a great woman, the kindest woman who ever lived, so it's really sick that she hates old woman who's dead.

And every time my brother tried to explain to her that Rita was important to us. She just gave him a cold shoulder and didn't talk to him for the rest of the day, but he's trying really hard to help her because she always wanted a family. I told him that we want to be her family, but we need to set boundaries because those comments hurts.

My father told him that this is just pushing her away from everyone and he doesn't want someone talking ill about his daughter. My brother looked really tired. He actually looks really tired every day since a few months ago, but I want to think it's because of the wedding.

I didn't told him that I was thinking and cutting contact with Lena because I didn't want it at all to make him feel like he have to choose between her or me. Instead, I told him that we need to set a hard boundaries with her so that in the future we can have a healthy coexistence and she can heal her mind because we have been too gentle so far. But the situation is already at its limit.

I didn't talk with Lena at all. So, I suppose my brother talked with her really seriously. The wedding is still ongoing and I will go just to show my support to my brother.

But at this point, I just feel that he's making a wrong decision because honestly, I don't think Lena's is a mentally estable person. Actually, she's not even a good person in my eyes anymore. But I don't want to say something and be the jealous big sister who ruins his brother relationship.

So, I will just stay in silence, letting everything flow. I just want to go to the trip and have some of mental peace until the wedding day comes. I don't feel mentally well enough to argue right now or to feel even more guilty because of how I'm dealing with all of this.

I just want to bury Rita's ashes with her great-g grandanddaughter and my mother. Sorry for the really bad English. Edit: Yes, we tried to put boundaries a lot of times.

It's not like we will hit her or be aggressive so she could understand, but I'll admit we've all been too soft and understanding of her out of pity. Lena just doesn't want to understand/listen the others complains even when someone talks seriously. And the incident she had with me and my cousin only showed that when someone talks to her seriously, she becomes the victim or gets madly angry.

Even what my brother said made it clear to us that she's just maybe never going to respect boundaries. So, it's better for me to just stop trying and just cut contact with her at least for this and next week until I feel better and ready to talk about this again. Mini update.

My brother already knows everything that Lena did. Like I said in the post, he's also tired of her behavior, but we can't do anything about their relationship if he wants to stay. My father had a conversation with him a few hours ago to tell him that we're worried and if he wants to thinking better about the wedding, but my brother said that he's fine, only tired and will continue with the wedding.

So yeah, we can't do anything but show my brother that we're with him and try to help him to open his eyes. But people have to understand that we can't help him in an aggressive way, saying that Lena is a BTCH or kicking her out of the family because that will only benefit her as she can take that opportunity to manipulate my brother by making herself the victim again. Dealing with a person full of traumas and childhood problems is not easy at all.

She does not know what basic limits are, and now that she knows them, she does not want to respect them. But we can't be aggressive with her because she's not a mentally well person. Don't blame my brother if you don't understand what it's like to be in a toxic relationship.

He's not to blame for anything and he's just a victim. Comments where op has replied, "Shell, why is he still getting married to this woman considering this is how she treats his family? Just make sure to support your brother if he ever becomes sane enough to get a divorce.

" Oop, for what he said, she also treats him badly. So, I don't understand neither. Maybe he's still too in love, but the only thing I can do is show him my support.

For now, I just don't want to talk with Lena at all because I'm not in feeling well mentally bright. Ad 306. I do think your family might want to gently let him know that they're worried about how he's being treated.

He might tell Lena and then they'll shoot the messenger though. Oop, we did it. My mom asked him if it's a toxic relationship and he just kept quiet and said he just wants to help Lena.

He has the same behavior that friends of mine have had when they had toxic partners and I really know that when people are in abusive relationships, they are usually blinded by love and they don't want to believe reality. I feel full for not noticing that behavior before, but I wasn't around the family too much lately. Update two.

I think it's been a while since I last posted and I was feeling too stressed and didn't even log back into this account as honestly the comments only managed to stress me out even more. But there are people who keep asking me for an update and worried about all of this mess. Also, sometimes I need to just vent.

First of all, I want to make it clear that my brother is an adult. We can advise him, but the final decision is made by him. In my first post, I didn't knew anything about what I said in my second post.

Please understand that it was a time of stress and anxiety for me to discover all those things that obviously changed the perspective you have of someone and I was in a difficult moment. That being said, the wedding did happen. After another intervention, my father made it clear to my brother that he does not approve the marriage.

My father didn't attended the wedding and since that day, my brother doesn't speak to anyone in the family except my mother, but my mother doesn't want Lena in her house, so it's complicated, too. We all gave my brother the reasons why getting married with Lena is a bad idea, but he chose to do it anyway. But he's my brother and I know at some point he'll open his eyes and he knows he can come to me anytime he needs.

For people who will say, "Oh, but you should have done X or you should have done Y. Your family should stop being doormats and kick Lena out of the house from the start. " Honestly, shut up.

I think it wasn't enough to clarify that I had my own problems. Everyone in my family has our own problems and lives. We're just trying to be kind and continue the family piece with a person who had a complicated life.

My family has always been very healthy. So the least we would believe is that someone my brother is dating has bad intentions. When you grow up in a healthy environment, it is difficult and shocking to deal with problematic people in the family.

And it's even more difficult to do something that you know is going to bring serious problems. I personally didn't even see Lena so many times to know all of those weird situations I said in my second post. I can't take charge of a life that isn't mine and I can't take responsibility for my brother's life or Lena's problems.

to reassure everyone. Lena doesn't think about off me and stealing my identity or anything like that. She's weird but not dangerous.

Although what my father told me is strange. Anyway, my brother confessed to my father that Lena feels like my relationship with my brother is weird and she feels jealous of me because I'm his favorite person. My brother and I usually lie in the same bed to watch TV/play video games and he usually hugs me, but it's something I do even with my other brother, but she thinks that's weird.

I don't think that's weird at all and I know many people who is close with their siblings in that way. My brother confessed that he and Lena tend to have a lot of arguments about it. Another thing he hid since Lena gets jealous when he spends time alone with me but that Lena doesn't understand how siblings treat each other but at the same time she also wants to be close to me.

According to my brother, she wants to be very close to me and that's why she doesn't know what comments to make near me and my family. I don't believe him. My father argued with him about it and he expressed to my brother that he doesn't plan to go to the wedding.

I didn't went neither and just decided to stay more days away grieving for Rita. So, I don't know how it went because my mother avoided the wedding topic. I didn't ask and I have been living in Rita's house for now.

Sorry if this is not the update people wanted. But yeah, that's it. I'm sorry if anyone expected me to say something like that Lena is now in jail for impersonating me or that Lena is actually my longlost twin sister.

The reality is as depressing and simple as everyone predicted of Lena getting my brother mad at all of us and cutting off contact. at this point and now that my mind is more calmer, I will just choose to let my brother do his life. I can't put energy on this and my mother told me to just let him be and we did everything we could.

He's an adult. I don't understand what Lena wants. I don't understand if she hates me or if she likes me or if she wants to be me.

I understand that my brother is in a toxic relationship, but still, I can't help but feel hurt. We talked to my brother trying to convince him not to get married, but at the end of the day, he made his decision. He even confessed many other things about Lena that he lied about and had hidden from us.

So, for now, I know he's just going to try to protect her all the time. I even talked to Lena before they got married. But it was an argument that went nowhere and only made my brother mad at me for confronting her.

But I knew that's what was going to happen the moment I put limits to Lena. The same thing happened to my father and my other brother. You just can't explain the boundaries to her because she doesn't respect them or gets offended.

At this point, my mother only has little contact with Lena so that she can continue to have contact with my brother as well. comments where op has repliednew words 4839 hugs. You have to look out for yourself and hope your brother knows what he is doing.

Lena has issues but now you don't have to deal with her. Your brother may feel differently in a few months once he is basically cut off from the family. More drama ahead when she has the first grandchild.

Lena is a very insecure pickme person. Oop. My brother can't have biological children and he doesn't want to adopt either because it's really difficult in my country.

I doubt very much that they will have children, but I don't know. STNMTN I remember your first two posts. I wonder if Lena has anxious attachment disorder.

What is her relationship with her parents and siblings? It seems she wants to be the center of your brother and mother's world. Anything that gets in the way of that is upsetting to her.

Oop. More than being my mother's center of attention, I think she wants to be just my brother's center of attention. She wants to be my brother's favorite person by being my parents daughter and his sister.

If that makes any sense. I don't know. That's what I deduced from her behavior and what my brother said.

She has no relationship with her family because they are addicts.