what's odd is because normally it was something so kind of computer animation and all that sort of stuff yeah there's a lot of green screen but you actually went to locations yeah I do think actually it's the great uh Jordan but Roberts who directed it really was insistent that we go to places on Earth which are both beautiful and dangerous um so that it didn't feel like a digital environment it felt like a real place so we went to um Oahu in Hawaii very windy the umbrella blew out of my cocktail um we went to
uh Queensland in Australia that's scary they're a rainforests there and they have the most um all the most dangerous animals in the world are in the state of Queensland in Australia yeah crazy yeah um snakes spiders some Queens are going yeah um you know you'd see the final Web spiders starting to Jesus they people's going to come to Australia they've got this you're right they've got the most poisonous spiders snakes jellyfish sharks crocodiles and they walk around in flip-flops yeah no what was the thing you were recognize was it a honeymoon couple on a plane
oh yeah there's a couple that were on a honeymoon and the plane hadn't yet taken off and the um the the woman who had just gotten married uh just became violently and horribly ill on the plane I mean it was not like a pretty little like sick bag kind of thing it was just like I'm going to paint with my organs and people were freaking out all over the plane and there so they brought a stretcher down and they put her on the stretcher and they're Wheeling her away and like the the uh her new
husband is just kind of cruising along with the thing and he sees me and he's like Deadpool no way high five like what has she got you know like you know like he's like let's touch eyeballs no no and by the way your wife is like half dead man oh I'm based on your experiences as a as a teacher well Luke Loosely Graham well exemption you say that every time Greg's here you tell a story speaking and I keep thinking oh well that's it now he'll have told us it's a you know the funny things
has happened to me as a teacher but it seems like a bottomless pit like school trips because school trip seems like that's when all rules go out the window for pupils everybody and for teachers I think yeah I think you've got to remember when I first started teaching I was 21 21 years of age you know and you're I was sent to Paris on a school trip three of us all of us in our early 20s in charge of uh busload of kids is I mean it's frankly a moral what'd you get up to it's
awful I can say it now I'm never going to go back to teaching now right please and I got really drunk with two friends in a hotel room when the kids were all in bed like really drunk we'd had a bottle of tequila between the three of us and um then I heard kids running around it's so bad isn't it her kids running around and I'm quite good at pretending to be sober when I'm not so I said I'll I'll go out and I'll deal with this to my to my friend Tony [Applause] and I
went out and there were these kids all in their 90s and pajamas or giggling and I went out what's going on here I'm sorry sorry I said you know you should be in your bedroom this is absolutely disgraceful and I was doing a beautiful job when Tony came out of my room and I don't know why he was just in his boxer a really big pair of boots don't go like this you should be embarrassed and I grabbed him by the face I was so frightened I grabbed him with a face I just pushed him
to my room I closed the door one of the kids went is that Mr Stephen yes he's not feeling very well accepted it you're not keen on anywhere where there's a language barrier [Music] yes well no I'm not great with the old language barrier I was in Spain um and I was in a restaurant and I needed to amuse the facilities in this restaurant so I popped off um and I don't want to go into too much detail but I needed to yeah drop the kids off at the pool so I did that I went
to flush didn't work flushed again six seven times I tried to get it down James would not go so I'm gonna do the right thing I'm not just going to do a hit and run and leave it here I'll go out and tell someone that there's a problem with their facility so I went out into the restaurant I found the waiter unfortunately he didn't speak a word of English I didn't speak any Spanish so I ended up I mean the kind of gesture to this manner so yes could you just come here no no no
leave them alone yes just follow me I ushered him in to the toilet right I pointed at my poo I went to flush it went down straight away [Applause] [Applause] oh my God wow is it weird that you've got a box of tissues right beside your computer I think it's very old welcome to my home in your book you you tell a story of uh young love I think you were on your honeymoon in Europe yes and you were on a was you were driving but on a train we went to our travel agent to
talk about this we were mid-30s when we got married and we knew that we wanted to start a family so this was like it we wanted this honeymoon to be really spectacular spent five weeks in Europe and it was all over so we started in Switzerland we were going to rent a car and then go to Italy and the travel agent says oh by the way instead of driving around the Alps up and over you take a train there's a flatbed car it takes three cars bumper to bumper on a flatbed car and then they
put you know you and then you go through the Alps by the way he says wink wink there are three tunnels the first tunnel is about five minutes the second tunnel is about eight to ten minutes the third tunnel is 50 minutes long oh if you're a honeymooner and I said say no more so I told my wife and she exhaled and said okay we're on the train there's a van in front of us with a bunch of Italian families in front and behind us I mean as close as you are I can see the
people behind us uh two couples Two Italian couples uh and so we we start going and we go into the and it's a massive experience emotionally and physically and the wind is whipping through and it's pitch dark you cannot see anything and it's it's fascinating and we come out of the tunnel into the station and I say to Robin that's one we go up we start again we go through the second Pitch star can't see anything we come out of it that's two oh God start the third tunnel wait till it's absolutely pitch dark here
we go it's a small rental with a stick shift and I'm like trying to get my trousers off she's trying to lower her chair and we can't see him that you cannot see anything so it's all by feel and it's like awesome and amazing one thing I learned for sure is that never be completely nude when transferring from one seat over the stick shifter keep your trousers on and do it afterwards and decant you know see funny I would recommend it [Applause] so we are in flagrante as they say and I don't know where to
put my hands or something and my wife is just come on just you know now what's happening is that my eyes are adjusting I can see her profiles she's a beautiful woman love her with all my heart and I could see her and it's her pretty face and it's great and I think the eyes are are getting no the eyes aren't getting used to Total pitch black what happened is that we were coming to a station like everything now imagine I'm like this and I can see the the two couples Italian couples in in the
car behind us with their wine and the women are going I bet stop it and and my wife says those three words to you who every husband wants to hear get off me so I get off the Italian family the the grandmother is turning the head struggling to put my trousers back on and I never found out we never found out if this was a gag if he would if this travel agent did this on purpose knew all along it wasn't 50 minutes it was more like 15. 15 minutes though man 15. okay [Music] foreign
