Tony Robbins - Personal Power Day 19 - 21

You've learned a lot now and you have a lot of fundamental tools so we're going to focus on you just getting yourself to apply some of the fundamentals that you've already learned consciously I want to get you to apply them to make some specific changes and what we want to address in this particular tape to start with is a major thing called fear fear of failure and fear of success if there are any two labels in our Society that we've learned to link both a mixture of pain and pleasure to it's those two known as

failure and success and they are totally interwoven what do I mean first of all what is fear and what does it do to us a long time ago I heard a simple but I think a very useful way of looking at fear first of all we know it's an emotional state that's all it is but it's an emotional state where our brain is activated to avoid pain that's really what it is it's a state of Major concern where our entire nervous system gets activated it can be a very powerful State we can use it to

really become a fully awake alive pay attention and that's what was intent was its intent was to protect us and to make sure we had all of our resources available to pay attention to take quick action it helps us to get access to our deepest resources of fight or flight the problem happens is when we take this intense emotion called fear this emotion That can get our heart beating at an incredible Pace should address Gremlin to our body create an incredible biochemical change throughout our entire system and we attach that to something we don't need

to have any intensity about like trying something and not have it turn out exactly the way we expected what some people call failure but isn't that insane and then all of a sudden we find ourselves no longer want to try things because we went on our nervous System to go through that Havoc of massive pain we've got to break this pattern we've got to learn that the fear is not going to avoid fear is a useful emotion in the appropriate context we don't want to eliminate fear but we want to do is eliminate fear where

it's limiting us and not supporting us so a useful way of looking at fear for most people is most people anticipate the potential of problems or Pain and generate this emotion known as fear in fact I heard somebody once call fear f-e-a-r false evidence that appears real probably a good metaphor for it how often have you gotten afraid about something are really concerned about something are really worried about something had all this pain all this concern and that it didn't even happen yeah you know what it did happen it happened in your body you might

as well Have had the problem you might as well have had the tragedy because your body went through the same exact experiences if it had happened in fact it was worse if it would have happened you would have done it once but since you were waiting and thinking about it and fearing it you may have run the same movie in your head many times you've heard the phrase that says a coward dies a thousand deaths a courageous man only won you got to learn to get control of it Now let's relate it directly to this

thing called failure and success we have already spoken about these so I'm not going to talk in detail what I want you to do though is use this tape as simply a trigger for you to absolutely use a few techniques to free yourself from the fear listen failure is impossible the only way you can possibly fail is to tell yourself that you've failed what do I mean specifically by this well what I Mean is in order for you to feel feelings that you may associate to being a failure you have to represent things in a

certain way you have to evaluate your life in a very specific way and it's very different than the way you evaluate things in order to create this feeling inside of yourself you may have labeled success the point is we are in control nothing and no one outside of you can determine whether you're a failure or success only You give yourself permission to give yourself a label like this so how do we change and break out of this fear well the first way is to change our rules or our ways of defining what determines an experience

we call successful or one we call a failure what determines when we start firing off those negative emotions in other words any two people you meet on the street if you ask them what does it take for you to know you're successful what does it take for you to Feel like you're a failure inevitably you'll get radically different answers everything from well the fact that I haven't achieved all that I set out to achieve in my life by now to well I know that there's more possible and I'm not doing it to I'm afraid and

if I'm afraid then I'm a failure people have such radical different ways of evaluating some people have set things up for themselves where they have mental rules or no matter what they do they feel like They're a failure for example you remember the example I told you about earlier the gentleman who by most people's standards was extremely successful but by Arizona he was a failure why because if in order to be successful you'd have to be earning four or five million dollars a year and he's only earning two think about it his definition of failure

is anybody earns less than four million dollars a year you might want to create better rules For yourself so it's a lot easier and you don't have to worry about having that kind of fear conversely you ask people about what does it take to succeed some people say I have to never ever feel bad or they say I have to achieve my goals other people say I have to be breathing or above ground remember the example see in life what we want to do to make ourselves effective is we want to make it really hard

for us to feel bad and Real easy to feel good I mean you might say well gosh if I operated that way then I probably wouldn't make my life the way I wanted I wouldn't be motivated garbage I used to believe that too but it's just not true I used to believe in life that I've got to go out and Achieve and therefore I'll allow myself to feel happy but I've chosen to look at life differently where I now happily achieve instead of achieved to be happy I'm going to tell you something it radically Changes

your personality I'm having so much more fun while I'm achieving now how does this all relate well you got to take a look if you're experiencing fear of failure fear of success the first place you got to look is how do you define them how is it that you evaluate things and is it appropriate whose rules are you living by to create these feelings or emotions inside yourself did you sit down one day and say if this and this and this happens then I think it'd Be useful for me to feel like a failure so

I'll be motivated and if this and this and this happens it'd be useful to feel successful I doubt it what happened is you've just developed a pattern and that pattern may be controlling you instead of you controlling it I suggest you sit down right now and stop the tape and before you do anything else I want you to Define for yourself what must happen in order for you to feel like you're successful what must Happen now I know this seems like a general question or an amorphous question but be honest with yourself that's question number

one what must happen now again people give all kinds of answers to this I must make a million dollars I must have the ultimate relationship I must have my children go to college I must have to whatever the case may be other people have things like I must breathe I must wake up just decide what they are for you at least Right now and then the second question is what must happen in order for you to feel like a failure what kinds of things do you allow to cause yourself to feel those Sensations that maybe

you now label failure in your body what kinds of things trigger that so what must happen for you to feel like a failure just failure to achieve a preconceived idea of what you want in a certain specific period of time nice fancy way of saying fair to get what you want when you Thought you'd get it what are your definitions for these two and let's first of all find out what they are and then we'll take it from there so please stop the tape and jot down or if you're in your car think clearly get

a clear idea of what are your definitions what must happen for you to feel like a failure or to feel successful stop the tape now and check it out okay so what did you discover My first question for you is this whose rules are these who defined for you that this is what successors or failure is again I doubt very seriously if it was you consciously designing it my second question is equally important maybe more important and that is is this definition you got appropriate to create lifelong happiness and success if you're experiencing fear of

failure and success on a daily basis it's highly likely that you've got some rules that Are disempowering you so what I'd like you to do right now is I'd like you to Define for yourself what should your rules be for failure and success in other words you might want to do like the gentleman we talked about earlier and make it a lot harder to feel like a failure and a lot easier to feel successful I've already told you my definition no matter what the situation is if I give my all and if I learn something

I've succeeded now if I didn't Get my all then I can at least learn something and I can still succeed and I can turn around and give my all in learning something about it I mean I've found a way to make sure I can succeed no matter what and by succeeding I feel good inside and because I feel good I'm willing to go for more instead of what I used to do which is beat myself up and all that did was put me in a lousy State and create performance that I'd rather not even talk

about So right now create two new definitions what's going to be your new definition now what must happen now for you feel like a success and make sure it's easy and what must happen for you to feel like a failure for me to feel like a failure I have to quit I have to totally give up so that's something I want to avoid alright that's something I would like to feel bad about would be totally to give up does that make sense so go for it now Stop the tape again and give yourself two new

definitions of success and failure go for it these new definitions that you've now created are basically the foundation for releasing yourself from the bondage of fear remember in order for you to feel that feeling called fear you've got to evaluate things in a way that makes you think that what's going to happen is going to lead to pain it's always important for us to remember then that Our own core beliefs are what generate our emotions that whatever we believe to be true is what's going to happen to us so as long as that's true it's

better for us to identify and to establish for ourselves beliefs that Empower us instead of disempowers I remember a belief system that was offered to me years ago I think Robert Schuler is one of the people that popularized it and started many years before that and I believe system was this somebody wants To ask me Tony what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail matter of fact I knew I couldn't fail I'd do almost anything and so I offer you the same thing what would you attempt to do if you

knew you couldn't fail and if you're saying almost anything then just go do it because if you set up the right rules it'll be almost impossible to fail it's impossible for me to fail because the only way I could Fail would be to give up and there's no chance of me doing that I got too much pleasure in going for it 100 in life remember the analogy from earlier in this tape program if you try something and it doesn't work you ran a play you're still in the football game as long as you're on the

field and the clock is still ticking then the bottom line is you haven't failed and if your heart's moving that's the clock it's still ticking you're in great shape so Just go for it try something else change your approach and eventually you'll achieve what you want but make sure it's hard to fail easy to succeed make sure you're in control not your environment not what other people think otherwise you'll always be in a reaction in life and never be in control now what can we do to really free ourselves from this what can we do

you say okay I got these great definitions Tony it makes sense but you know that's One thing intellectually have new definitions it's another thing to have this gut level feeling here that drives me nuts how do I get rid of it well number one step like in any other change that you want to make is just decide decide you are going to be free of this fear does that mean it never comes up no it just means that if it comes up you're a human being you take a look at it you realize it's false

evidence that appears real and you move on you change your State you change your physiology and you go for it anyway you ask yourself a better question like we talked about earlier or you create a positive anchor there's so many things you can do but first right now you got to decide that these two killers of human success fears of failure and fear of success are no longer going to stop you I'll give you a classic example years back when I was doing work initially I was just establishing myself in the media in Terms of

my work with athletes and with business people Life Magazine didn't article on me and in covering me I told him about some of the work I'd done with the Army and you know to say the least they were a little bit conservative and a little bit skeptical might be a better description and I said okay if you're so great you can do all these great results let us pick an athlete and let's see you do some work with him so I said great they happened to be at my house that day While we're talking and

the television was on the Los Angeles Lakers were playing well Byron Scott at the time was not doing too terribly well in fact I think he scored three points that game and chick Hearn was a little bit on his case bottom line is they said let's see you work with this guy I said great you set him up sure enough they did the next day I find myself in Los Angeles in a gymnasium with Byron Scott Here we are and what's the problem well I started talking with Byron and he said the problem with this

game is this I found out when people threw him the ball one thought was rushing through his head pass it why because in his mind he had stored so many failures so many times where he had screwed up made some dumb mistakes that now whenever the ball came to him his immediate Association was failure the only way to keep from failing was give It to somebody else can you imagine trying to make a shot when most of your nervous system is associating the past failure there's no way you're going to succeed see remember that phrase

or belief we talked about earlier I want to reinforce it again if you want to succeed in your life remember this phrase the past does not equal the future because you failed yesterday or all day today or a moment ago or for the last six months over the last 16 years The last 50 years of life doesn't mean anything all that matters is what are you going to do right now otherwise you carry all that luggage all that load of negative emotion with you and it'll affect your present performance now it's one thing again to

say that how do you change them one you got to decide just as we said earlier you've got to then get enough leverage that you're going to follow through I got started talking to him and I wanted to get a Dickens on him if you will I said look if you don't change this what's it going to cost you I mean he said well you know I don't know it's already costing me I'm screwing up I I said if you keep at this rate what's going to happen he said I'm gonna end up on the

bench and I got them actually have some feelings about that why I wanted to link pain to not changing this pattern as soon as his brain links pain what's it going to do anything to avoid this and It's going to use all of his resources does that make sense now on the other side I said if we could really turn this thing around what would happen he said well God I'm a great shooter he said I'd be swishing him he said I could be one of the best Shooters in the league I really know I

could be there I could compete with the best I've got an incredible shot so sure enough we had plenty of pleasure linked to making the change pain to not What's step three step three is what I want you to do with your ideas of failure from the past it's a simple way of changing your neural Association so you don't have any negative feelings linked anymore how do you do it real simple I took Byron Scott and I said look here's what I want you to do I want you to stand up nice and tall I

Want You to Breathe fully and I want you to stand and breathe the way you do when you feel absolutely Unstoppable And so what I basically did was get him to feel really good I got him to change his what his State how by changing the way he was breathing and his moving by changing his physiology remember when we talked about the ways to change State I also got to focus on times when he'd really been successful so what's happening now he's standing tall he's breathing strong he's feeling energetic I got him making gestures like

he's really in charge I got him shouting word The word was boom a particular sound we felt really strong when he made this particular sound sure enough I got him to focus on a success now he feels absolutely incredible while he's feeling incredible I anchor him a few times and while he's feeling incredible I said the word boom he's feeling great I say boom he's feeling great I say boom the Booty's not gonna say boom in a weird way and sure enough his shoulders come back and began to feel good just like Ivan Pavlov on

the dogs with the Bell same thing just like what advertisers have done for you for years only I'm helping him to find a trigger to get himself in a strong state so I got him in a great place and now I want to use what I call my Erasure technique so I said listen this is what I want you to do Byron I want you while you're still feeling good without having any major negative feelings I want you to just watch the memory of some of your biggest Mistakes and when I say watch it I

said just if you would pretend it's a movie in your mind and just see the situation happen again but don't get any negative feeling just watch it like an outsider so it's like way over there so he watched it nice and you tell me when you come to the end and you run several of those movies so he did for about 60 seconds maybe two minutes maybe three he continues to go and he's got his eyes closed and finally Goes okay nods his head I said okay now what I want you to do is start

at the end of those memories and this is all I want you to do I want you to run those memories as if they're movies backwards at triple the speed in other words I want you to see everything happening in reverse the ball you threw away comes sucking right back on your hands and everything goes perfectly anything that was said and noises you Heard everything's happening in reverse and while you're seeing all these things happening in Reverse I want you to simultaneously hear some humorous sounds like a Nickelodeon or like a circus or something that

would make you smile and I want you to see the whole image in your favorite color now what am I doing here I'm interrupting the pattern do you remember step number one was get leverage I got leverage with them didn't I I got anything about how painful it's Going to be if he doesn't change how much pleasure he's going to get if he does number two are now going to interrupt this pattern these memories he keeps bringing up as a way to make himself feel lousy and then his failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy I've got

to break that pattern I haven't run it backwards at Hyper Speed and we're always wearing it backwards I say see imagine that Mickey Mouse ears are growing out of the other players as You're doing this imagine their noses are getting longer imagine take the ball now and you slam dunk it I have him do this over and over again where each time he plays the memory he does it faster and faster he creates humorous music he sees different images until pretty soon now whenever he thinks of it he starts to smile or laugh I said

so how do you feel about those failures he starts to grin that's a lot different than one before when I talk about the failures His shoulders will drop his head drop his breathing would get poor and he'd go in a state where he couldn't get Peak Performance does this make sense do you remember the strategy we're talking about we're talking about if I take a record that you've got remember this and I come along and scratch it by playing it over and over again scratch it and scratch it and scratch it and change it and

scratch it pretty soon you'll never be able to play that record the same way Again I have eliminated the feeling of failure because he can't picture things he can't focus on things the same way are you following me so let's try it with you I want you to take one of the big fat failures okay one of those ones whenever you think about it it makes you have poor self-esteem or maybe it just keeps you from really going for it in a particular area pick a major one one that really bugs you and let's have

some fun with it first of All do this wherever you are if you're in your car sit up but I mean sit up like you are absolutely in charge of the world sit up like you're proud sit up like you're energized and excited come on go for it and if you're not in a car and you're listening to me in any other way then please stand up right now now don't just listen to me stand up I'm there I'm watching you come on you can do it stand up breathe put a big dumb silly grin

on your face People wonder why it'll be good for you now all you stand like this and you feel really good I Want You to Breathe the way you breathe when you feel proud and strong and Unstoppable come on go for it proud strong and Unstoppable breathe that way feel that way stand taller that's it good now while you're feeling really great what I want you to do is create for yourself some kind of positive anchor so make yourself really really great and at the peak while You're feeling great do something unique do something unique

do something unique do something unique to later on you could do that something unique and immediately feel this way again so just feel really good and do something so you feel even better feel good link it to something feel good link it to something feel good link it to something so you got yourself in a really good state go for it think about how you feel and What you see and what your voice sounds like when you're feeling really really strong now while you're feeling good let's do the following remember that big fat failure from

the past I want you to imagine that you're watching it on a movie screen in front of you and I want you to watch it through one time just the way it happened whatever it was and I want you to make sure you stand tall and remain feeling Good as you watch it going across that screen okay real simple just watch it go across the screen continue to watch it watch it just doesn't happen back then now would be a good time and see everything just as it happened then and you may feel some of

the feelings not quite as bad as it was then because it's outside of you all the way to the end and then just Finish up come to the very end of the situation we felt bad because you'd failed okay finish up come to the end if you need more time you can stop the tape otherwise you should come to the end now great stop at the end and here's what I want you to do Standing Tall again feeling really good this time I want you to get a little bit Outrageous so not only stand tall

and feel strong but put the big silly grin on your face be a little outrageous and pretend like your little kid again is about to have some fun now don't be like an adult adults go oh yeah okay I'll do another exercise kids will have fun they'll go for it just be playful be outrageous so here's what I want you to do with a smile on your face I want you to close your eyes and imagine that same memory but here's how you're going to do It I want you to start at the end of

the memory in other words right after you had failed and when I say now what I want you to do is run that entire memory backwards in time at Hyper Speed where everything's moving in Reverse whatever you said whatever you said is coming back inside your mouth and reversing hear it all in Reverse like what's wild and what's going on I want you to see your favorite colors around everything and you may hear some weird noises as Well go all the way back to the beginning one as fast as you can ready go if there

are other people around watch them changing as well and hear the sounds of dude [Music] all at the beginning and watch people around you if somebody else was there and they were upset with you or they made some weird look watch them develop Mickey Mouse ears getting really huge and watch their nose getting bigger That's it run all the way to the beginning so you're right in the very beginning again it should be back at the beginning now get there now great now run it forwards this time run it twice as fast but again if

there was anybody else around and they were giving you a hard time or you felt embarrassed watch them shrink down and pick them up in your hand and Whisper to them and it's okay ready go run forward as fast as you can see the same memory come on Faster and faster everything's happening as fast as you can probably make it go make all kinds of different colors put rainbows across people's faces again their ears are getting big watch a few of these people shrinking down pick them up here and say it's okay don't worry about

it that's a good put them back on the ground watch them grow back up come on go forward make all kinds of bizarre pictures as fast you can run all the way through to the end stop you should be Right back at the end now again you're going to run it backwards only this time when you run it backwards listen to it to your favorite music make it like a an MTV video of some bizarre sorts ready run it backwards as fast as you can go as fast you can once it all reverse everything moving

reverse all the voices and everything else coming first all at the beginning Run It Forward again as fast as you can we're doing this as fast as we can go This is all the way forward all the way through again come on faster faster faster faster run it backwards again do this six times back and forth back and forth each time change something in a little bit different each time see something shift a little bit make it a little bit more outrageous that's it great every time make it even better make it weirder make it

more bizarre back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth as fast as you Possibly can make the whole thing black and white now now make the whole thing a rainbow where everything you see people places things yourself you're in rainbow colors good all the way to the end run it all the way back to the front again excellent now let's try something first of all with a smile on your face now go back and think about that memory that was bothering you so much and tell me what happens now Yeah as

you go through it you might see a Mickey Mouse don't listen to those sounds be careful all the way through to the front that's right and right now when you do it what happens do you have a smile do you at least have neutral feelings if not you just run this pattern a few more times all we do is we interrupt the pattern so what I do with Byron it's what you can do with Yourself it's called an eraser technique instead of like next time you feel really bad and you feel like oh God I

screwed this whole thing up learn your lesson if there's something you didn't do well figure out okay what can I learn from this good question to ask yourself once you learn the lesson then get rid of the negative Feeling by using your Erasure otherwise you'll keep playing the same memory over and over you keep saying the same things to yourself is Keep picturing the same things keep feeling the same things and all you do is feel like heck and you're not going to have a better performance use the Erasure technique and you can't believe what

will happen so what do we do next Once We erase the failure well in Byron Scott's case all of a sudden he started feeling good he doesn't feel like he has to be afraid somebody gives him the ball and hey he's going to do well so what do I do well now I want to just not Overcome his fear of failure but ensure he's going to have even more success how do we do that we get ourselves in a peak state so all I did was reinforce his anchors and that's what you can do for

yourself I got him in his best states I got to remember times when he had performed at his best and right at the peak moments when he felt like God that's a swish boom I made that sound another time I had him rehearse right at the peak moment I had him make the sound As well boom did it over and over again until pretty soon all we had to say was boom and he went right into that perfect state where he knew he's releasing the ball and he absolutely knew he was going to switch it

it was going to be a perfect shot well sure enough the next thing I did is I gave him the ball now Life Magazine was there the whole time right wondering what the heck is going on here when I first gave him the ball before we Started our work and he was just shooting around he was making one out of every three to five shots hitting the rim bouncing off spinning off no real consistency well we did this process of limiting his failures until I said look how do you feel now if somebody throws you

the ball he goes I'm ready then we increased his skill by anchoring in a success with the boom and then all I do is take the ball and I threw it to him and as I threw it To him when it got the ball to his hand I said boom swish threw in the ball again boom swish through the ball in any place in the course boom swish he made 28 shots in a row in front of Life magazine which was rather useful for me the point though is this he went out the next night

the previous night scored three points he was one for 12. the next 90 was 8 out of 12 and he scored 22 points second highest score in the game behind Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Boom became an anchor he used for himself throughout that process to put himself back on a Success track you can do this for yourself as well once you eliminate the failure create for yourself an anchor where you rehearse succeeding will you imagine having the success that you want over and over again until it's absolutely real for you and you create that success remember what

we did initially is we made a decision secondly we got leverage On ourselves we showed ourselves hey we gotta change what's going to be a lot of pain and if we do change we get a lot of pleasure three we've interrupted our old pattern of looking at things using the Erasure technique and four we've conditioned ourselves or associated in our mind that we're going to succeed by rehearsing it over and over again so that's likely to come up now as long as we're talking about success let's just make one more point and that is this

That many people have as much fear of success as they do failure how could that be well the only reason you have fear is because your brain Associates that something is going to mean more pain than pleasure some people think that success is going to mean pain in many different forms they might think well gosh if I succeed then people may not like me so much anymore so sure enough even though they want success on the one Hand they have approach avoidance again they think a success can mean all this pleasure but it could mean

even more pain and so sure enough they fear success or some people believe that hey if I succeed then what if I can't continue to succeed therefore I mean I failed and so they actually fear success because they believe that if they have a higher standard success now it's easier to fail it's a bizarre trap where humans sometimes great for ourselves so stay Out of these traps create definitions that work for you condition yourself so that you no longer feel those Sensations you used to call failure and move yourself ahead by programming yourself for Success

let's take this fear of success and let's get rid of it how do we do it one decide remember the technique step one is just absolutely decide decide means cut yourself off from any other possibility except that success is going to be nothing but Pleasure and no more pain two get some leverage on yourself and this is going to be your assignment right in your success Journal these two elements all the things you'll lose if you don't change the sphere of success and all the things you'll gain by linking pleasure to success and then do

the Erasure technique what do I mean think of these ideas you have about success and how it could be painful and run them forwards and backwards forwards And backwards and make them so weird and scramble until pretty soon you could never think that way again in fact it would make you giggle or laugh or just think how absurd that's all it takes Free Yourself interrupt the pattern so you can now establish a new pattern of success being something that you're driven towards instead of something you avoid as soon as you're done with that we're going

to go into how to overcome fear of rejection and take heart we'll Do this very shortly it won't be as long as this side but do your homework first okay see you in a minute or two now that we've talked about the fear of failure and the fear of success let's take a look at this thing called rejection gosh if you talk about an emotion that grabs people one that most people associate massive pain to will do almost anything including ridiculous things to avoid it's rejection and again the only Way you can feel rejected just

like any other emotion is if you make yourself feel rejected there is nothing and no one outside of you that can ever generate that painful emotion inside of you except you remember it's just a physiological storm in your brain and what you are is a person who sets it off just by the triggers you give yourself you've got rules to create rejection and you know what I think most people are afraid of failure not because failing Would be painful but because they're afraid if they fail at something other people aren't going to like them as

much or somebody might reject them or if they succeed they might get rejected I think rejection is really the core fear behind both of those now not always but a good deal of the time so how do we deal with this thing called rejection well let's do it the same way we've already handled these other emotions like failure and success piece Of cake right let's go through a very simple process let's use some of the same technology by the way this isn't the only way to deal with it but as long as we're doing it

today let's get in practice step one decide you are not going to allow this limiting feeling or emotion to control your life that what you're going to do right here and now is set things up so it's very very difficult or impossible for you to feel rejected two get enough leverage on Yourself that you'll follow through so again what you're going to do when I ask you right now is you're going to stop the tape and I want you to write down two things you know how this works number one what is the price you

will pay inevitably in your life if you do not control this thing called rejection what are you gonna have to give up what are you gonna miss out on how many people are you not going to meet what kind of relationships will you never Create how many business opportunities will you never try what's the price you're going to pay long term in your life if you don't handle this fear called rejection and really put it on yourself get real stack the anchors make it painful we want to cause our brain to associate that the idea

that are causing myself to feel rejected is going to create ultimate pain in my life called losing everything that matters And then two your second exercise and please do this in your success Journal is to write down what is all the pleasure what are all the benefits you gain in your life if in fact you were able to free yourself from the fear of rejection if you were able to just go for it not worry not Wonder not be concerned not run all these voices inside your head about did I do it right or not

if you could just free yourself what would you gain what level of Confidence would you have what level of success how much action would you take what kind of results could you create and really sell yourself on the massive pleasure you'll gain by freeing yourself from this fear so stop the tape right now and do this piece of homework okay I'll talk to you in about two or three minutes go for it full on begin now okay now you should have created the appropriate carrot and stick for yourself the stick that says I gotta Handle

this or I'm gonna pay ultimate pain it's a lot more painful than the rejection itself I gotta get rid of this fear and the pleasure says gosh if I get rid of this think of all the incredible things I could have in my life this means your brain is conditioned and ready to change so what do you do next simple do what we did with success and with failure create a new set of rules about what must happen before you're going to allow yourself to feel rejected For example right now your rules for rejection might

be in order to feel rejected what must happen is just somebody disapprove of you or somebody not give you approval for some people that's rejection if you share an idea and they don't agree with you or they don't even get enthusiastic some people go they rejected me they make it so easy to feel bad it's a joke and that keeps them from moving ahead maybe you want to change your rule so that now in order For you to feel rejected someone would have to demonstrate for you that you consistently violate your own standards your own

values if you will maybe that would make you feel rejected because you knew they were right but somebody just disapproving of your own view or your own approach certainly can't create that feeling inside of you free yourself see that's really critical you've got to come up with a great definition I remember hearing a great story about Buddha you know Buddha was well known for his ability to respond to evil with good and there was a man who knew about this reputation who traveled for miles and miles and miles to test Buddha and what he did

is when he got in Buddha's presence he verbally abused him constantly he challenged him he insulted him he did everything he could to trying to fend Buddha Buddha was unmoved he simply turned to the man and said may I ask you a question See even Buddha asked questions all Masters do but you learned that earlier remember the man responded was like well what he said if someone offers you a gift and you declined to accept it to whom then does it belong the man said well then it belongs to the person who offered it Buddha

smiled that is correct so if I declined to accept your abuse does it not then still belong to you The man was speechless and walked away this might be your strategy for how to deal with rejection be a Buddha go for it don't allow anybody else's view to destroy the way you feel about you take another look that does not again mean don't listen it just means don't just accept things at face value we all have a right to our own perceptions and by the way do sometimes people get in state and get angry about

something and Communicate where they might feel differently in another situation they may not be rejecting you they may be in a rejecting state so don't allow that to affect you so let's start right now by having you create a new set of rules for yourself what must happen for you to feel rejected and make it tough to feel rejected set a high standard one that will really support you stop the tape now and create a new rule or rules for what it takes to feel rejected Another way of looking at is you might want to

set it up that the only way you can feel rejected is if somebody says something and you agree with them a hundred percent hey then you're right maybe you should be rejected maybe you should have some pain maybe it's something you're doing that you don't want to continue to do in the future but again make sure you make it tough on yourself to feel bad and make sure your rules support you in your own personal Growth not something that limits you another strategy that will help you is to realize that no matter what somebody says

or does they're not rejecting you they're rejecting your idea or they're rejecting their impression of you in this moment and certainly you're more than what you just said or what you just did or the way they're looking at you right now hey all of us have met people at times who we didn't feel real attracted to or really liked but maybe Later on we grew to like the person or grew to be attracted or grew to become a friend with them so initial Impressions initial feelings of someone saying they don't like you or someone not

responding to you the way you want is not permanent remember the past is not equal to Future someone rejecting you in the moment doesn't mean in a moment later they're going to continue to reject you they may begin to like you very rapidly unless you're walking around wounded and can't Allow yourself to continue to communicate in a way where you get through to somebody so break out of the Trap okay so what have we done so far you've decided to make the change two you've gotten some leverage on yourself three you've created some rules that

make sense where it makes a little tougher for you to feel rejected but what else can we do to assist ourselves well one thing is to realize if you really want To succeed in life remember this massive rejection is the key to success you might have a new new rule that says if somebody's rejecting me it probably means I'm on the right track if nobody's rejecting you you're probably insignificant you're probably not doing anything I mean think about it the most successful people in the world those who are rejected more than virtually anybody else do

you know programs like mash a Television program that was on forever was turned down by over 32 different producers 32. they all said it was crazy Sylvester Stallone here's a man who now earns what is it 20 million dollars a movie how does he pull that off you think it's because he walked in one day into a casting office and said hey Adrian and they want you you're a star I love that voice that look on your face you are really material no they said look learn how to talk buddy you're Never gonna make it

here he was turned down by over a thousand agents but he just kept coming back for more and you know what when that didn't work the guy just kept on going in fact he wrote his own movie starring guess who yo Adrian same guy and you know what everyone turned this movie down he said what a stupid idea this will never succeed over and over again finally one company offered to buy it but only if he wouldn't star in it in fact they offered Him money not to star in his own picture when he desperately

needed it how's that for rejection he was living in New York City he had no money left barely paying his rent and they offered him all his money not to star in his own picture so instead of feeling rejected he just told him no he stuck by his guns and now he's doing pretty well in fact if you see these Rambo movies where he's shooting up all those bad guys he's not Shooting up bad guys he's shooting up all those agents that rejected him in the past he's got the last laugh the point is this

anyone who succeeded has gone through massive rejection because if you've got an idea worth its salt everyone's got a different view of things in life and what's going to happen in order to get it out there you're going to have to receive much more rejection than you're going to receive acceptance but see all you need Is acceptance from the right person and you can make your idea a reality but here's the key you can't allow the rejection to affect you emotionally because otherwise you just give up which is what most people do if you want

to succeed remember massive rejection is the key to success how's that for a phrase to remember in addition you can take anything you used to feel like was rejection from a person a place a situation and you can Get rid of it using the Erasure technique just like we have here earlier and let me offer you one more possibility or approach condition yourself so that when somebody rejects you it actually makes you feel stronger you say well how could I do that same way you condition yourself to feel lousy back in the old days that

is create a new neuroassociation how do you do that real simple make yourself feel incredibly strong whatever it is put Yourself in a state where you feel Unstoppable and while you're feeling that way create an anchor feeling absolutely Unstoppable create an anchor feeling absolutely like you could do whatever it took to succeed create an anchor you do it over and over again now remember you got to stand you got to breathe it you got to feel it you got to be fully Associated now what do you do imagine somebody rejecting you and right as they're

rejecting you bam fire off The anchor and make yourself feel great somebody rejects you bam make yourself feel great somebody rejects you bam make yourself feel great over and over again until you literally condition yourself so that rejection triggers you to feel strong now I know this may sound difficult or even impossible but it's actually very easy I've done it over and over again in my seminars for more than a decade and a half in fact one of my favorite seminars I've done for the last 10 years is called Unleash the Power Within because in

that program we flat change people's conditioning and we do it in minutes in fact maybe you've seen this program because now because of my alliance with the United Artists movie theaters we've created what we call the Empower net where literally I'm doing the seminar live on these huge screens where I'm connected with you and I do the entire program there so you may go to a United Artists movie theater and You're waiting to see a movie trailer and there's my smiling face going I come to Unleash the Power Within but the point is in these

programs we show people how to break through any fear I mean anything that's stopped in the past we handle it I don't care what it is and we do it by conditioning for example we take people right out of the audience and we do it in all the different theaters and we have them get up and we take an example like someone who's Definitely afraid of rejection from the opposite sex where they can't follow through and we wipe it out right there in less than 15 minutes including people have total phobias I'll give you a

classic example I was doing one of these seminars in San Jose California 20 years ago when a woman approximately 200 pounds overweight stands up and she raises her hand as having had a major fear of the opposite sex so I said well tell me how do you feel about men and She explodes into tears and begins to shake like crazy well she does this I used to respond to People by saying oh it'll be okay it'll be okay but again that doesn't change people's States what do you got to do you got to interrupt their

pattern so she starts crying hysterically and I said please stop urinating on your face she said what I said please stop urinating on your face and she starts to giggle like crazy as soon as she's giggled I've interrupted Her pattern I anchor her feeling good I anchor her in laughter until pretty soon I can just touch her in a certain way and she starts giggling well long story short I get her on stage and I get her to do what I've asked you to do I get her to feel absolutely incredibly strong and then I

anchor that feeling over and over and over again will she feels strong when she feels sexy when she feels in charge then all I have her do is rehearse in her mind over and over Again somebody rejecting her but she feeling stronger with a more the reject her the stronger she gets then I had to pick a role model she picked Jacqueline Bessette somebody who she thought could get a date with any man and I had her imagine that Jacqueline had taken over her body and no matter what a man did to reject her she

would still get the date and she was to actually watch what Jaclyn did with her body and her face and her voice to make that happen so she Had a role model and she practiced it over and over again with the more rejection she got the more committed she got to getting the date I want to make a long story short after about 20 minutes of conditioning this one was a monster I then Unleashed her on the men in the audience I said pick out a man in this audience you'd like to have a date

with well I got to tell you the truth when she pointed the group most of the guys dug their head But she went out there and took this guy out of the audience and sure enough she said I want to go on a date with you he looked at me like what to say I said reject her viciously tell her she's a fat slob and she's ugly so he did but while he was screaming at her she was firing off her positive anchor so sure enough he's going you're a fat slob and you're ugly and

she's feeling good Fat's loving you're ugly and she's feeling good fats loving yoga She's feeling strong she goes you're right I may be overweight but there's a great woman inside of here you talk about a shift and that kind of thing can happen for anybody little sideline to the story two days later the seminar is three days long two days later she comes up and shares with the audience she said you know this thing has changed my entire life some of you men have discovered that and she said I want you to know Something the

reason why I gained so much weight I just finally realized she said I was sexually abused by my father from the time I was five years old until I was 12. and she said believe it or not when I was 12 years old my father stopped sexually molesting me and started molesting my other sisters and I felt rejected can you believe that people could create that kind of Association She said I hated it when it was happening but then I felt even worse because now I didn't even want me she said ever since that day

I've been doing this and she pulled off a wig and she was almost completely bald shaboo wisps hair she said I've been pulling my hair out every day since then and I had to share the story with you because for the last two days it's been the first time since I was 12 years old when I haven't pulled my hair out I want you to know no matter how much fear you've got a rejection it probably isn't anything close to that no matter how many challenge you've got it's probably nothing close to that if you

learn to condition yourself you can change anything in your life rejection is something you don't ever have to fear again make it tough to feel rejected make yourself feel strong everyone has a right to their opinion and if they don't like how things are Right now that's okay you don't have to agree with them you can listen but you don't have to feel bad move ahead and allow rejection to drive you to be more committed and find a better way to get through to the people you're talking to that'll give you some real power and

by the way she's lost 58 pounds and she has herself a boyfriend who seems to be having a good time with her see you can overcome any fear of rejection it's your perception of Yourself by the way that determines how most people respond to you I mean think about it w Mitchell may not be the most attractive man in the world visually with his face scarred from the fires and sitting there in a wheelchair yet he attracted the woman of his dreams literally because he knows who he is on the inside and his own perception

of himself is so powerful that it affects the way everyone around him responds to him and they don't reject this man in Mass they love him in Mass love yourself and other people love you as well here's your assignment pull out your success journal and I want you to do the following write down two experiences in your life that you used to consider failures you know those horrible feelings just to make you feel bad and I also want you to write down two experiences in your life where you felt rejected two experiences where you felt

like You'd failed two or you felt rejected and what I want you to do next to these four items is the following I want you to write down a benefit that you got out of those experiences I know it didn't feel like a benefit but if there was one acting as if there was one what could you have benefited from out of that situation maybe it made you learn something maybe the pain of being rejected or the pain of feeling like you failed may just study harder in the Future or made you work harder or

made you more motivated or made you more sensitive to other people who had been rejected in the past have you had experiences like that I want you to come up with a benefit and then step two I want you to use the Erasure technique so you destroy the negative feelings that you Associated to that quote unquote failure in fact I won't feel like failure anymore and the same thing the thing used to call Rejection so what they become are learning experiences rather than big emotional things like failure and rejection so please do your homework and

again I'll see you on day 22 till then live with passion [Music]