number one free guide that I have ever put out is a sexual mindfulness masturbation meditation. So, I know that y'all are interested in this subject. And so, today I have invited my friend and expert on sexual meditation practices, Dr Tara.
Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. It's going to be an orgasmic time.
It always is with you. I have the best time with you. Thank you.
I feel like I just winged it on this meditation. And I was like I know you know kind of like what I would like to hear and I know what you know I know a lot about sematic sexuality and experience and breath work but I want to know like what is sexual meditation like broadly? Could you give us a definition?
Yes. So sexual meditation is just like a regular meditation but it focuses on sexual thoughts, sexual feelings in the body and sexual sensations. So as long as it's within that realm then it's considered or qualified as sexual meditation.
Okay. So that's exactly what I made. Yeah.
Why does sexual meditation exist and why do people practice it? Yes. So um the roots uh of sexual meditation sort of came from two different sides of the world.
So there's the eastern root of sexual meditation that's within the practices of tantra right? So there's um like a a energetic sex position called yap yumming, right? You know that you love it.
Yeah. The yapy yam which you can also like sink your breathing and sink your energy through sexual meditation. They don't call it sexual meditation though, right?
But that counts as sexual meditation. Yeah, it does. So I'm doing like the energy [ __ ] energy [ __ ] plays.
Yes. Yes. So there's like the eastern route um of mindfulness and meditation within sex and then there's also the western route uh that's kind of housed within the sexual mindfulness therapy.
Sexual mindfulness is often times defined as the ability to be present and non-judgmental during sex. Oh. So in order to kind of hone your sexual mindfulness skills, you then do these different practices to get there and it includes breath work and meditation.
And so sexual meditation is housed within sexual mindfulness therapy. Interesting. Okay.
And present and non-judgmental. Why are those two so important uh inside of sexual mindfulness? So within the like western realm of studying this topic, being present and non-judgmental is a strong predictor of sexual satisfaction.
And that's why it's something that people should like strive for. And that makes so much sense because the opposite of that is sort of being under pressure, distracted, out of your body and into your mind, thinking about how you're doing, how you're performing, thinking like it's not good enough or you're not good enough or you want too much or whatever and all of that. Yes.
A lot of judgment, the opposite of pleasure, really truly, right? So, yeah, like being present and non-judgmental is really the optimal state for um sexual pleasure. So, can you give me some examples of what uh sexual meditation looks like?
I mean, you kind of talked about what criteria makes something a sexual meditation, but can you give us like some concrete examples? Yes. The first one, you can do sexual meditation quietly by yourself or with your partner.
You don't need like a guide or anything. So this is the first example and it could be about your sexual. So think of sexual thoughts, feelings and sensations.
It could be about one of those or all of them um consequentially. So for example, you can just do sexual thoughts. Let's say you sit down, you can continuously take deep breaths, right?
Sink your breath if you have a partner and then use your imagination. Maybe think about the last time you had really hot, passionate, satisfying, fulfilling sex. Or maybe think of something completely hypothetical like a fantasy and continuously to think about that in more detail and vivid manner.
It's a practice if you will to like uh enhance your sexual imagination. And if you're doing this with your partner, are you trying to think of the same thing or you don't have to you can just think of together whatever's Yeah. You just coexist.
You breathe together. You could hold hands as well, but you're closing your eyes and you're in your fantasy, they're in their fantasy. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Okay. So, that's the first way to do sexual meditation quietly.
The second way is to use guided meditation and it can be like your guided meditation and within guided meditation there are uh also like kind of different subg genre. Um, the first one is visualization. And this is where your guide will help you visualize a successful sexual encounter.
And maybe it even focuses on something that your expertise in is um premature ejaculation. Maybe it focuses on lasting longer. Yeah.
But it it visualizes success basically just like what LeBron James does every time before his game. Yep. Yeah.
I teach visualization meditation. I teach this in my masturbation hacks course like and and really all my courses on getting a really specific outcome like you want to be able to get hard or stay hard or get off like visualizing success with that is a huge piece of it. I just saw another study I've seen studies on like learning how to play piano golf swings and then the most recent one I saw was on weightlifting.
If you just imagine yourself lifting weights you can also gain strength not just going to the gym. Now obviously you can't just imagine it but if you're doing some combination of both you will actually get further gains enhanced results. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Great.
So that was the second one. Yeah. So guided meditation you can do like visualization one.
You can also do like sexual energy one that focuses on kind of just building your sexual energy. You can do sexual uh affirmations one where it's like a repeated like affirmations for five minutes and you're just taking deep breaths and doing the affirmations with the guide. You can also do a guided one where it guides you through like body scan and breath work which is uh also within the realm of sexual meditation.
Great. So in that third one you're doing that with a partner but you could also do that solo. You can do all of these solo or with a partner.
Okay. Great. And what do you think you know what are the benefits to doing sexual meditation?
I mean other than developing presence and non-judgment which are going to be beneficial for your sex life but like what are some of the other benefits? So many and it's outlined by a lot of um anecdotal testimonials within the eastern realm and a lot of scientific empirical research in the western realm. So it's an exciting topic because it's there's like proof in both.
Um but the first one is enhance or increased sexual self-esteem. Uh research also identify uh like higher libido like higher um sexual desires uh better sexual functioning and less pain and more um sexual interests. There was an interesting study uh and I think this is by Dr Lori Bro from University of British Columbia.
an interesting study that she and her team did that focused on um people who had cancer or or had had cancer like survivors and they had no desire or interest in sex and after they did this um mindfulness therapy. uh they had increased in sexual interest and desires and yeah and less pain and all the great things because sometimes when you don't want to have sex or you've gone through a period of time where your libido is sort of low whether it's health related or stress related it can feel like a huge barrier to like get back into physically having sex like you know with another partner or even with yourself like sometimes there's just too much kind of in the way of if I go by like one week without masturbating or having sex, I'm too busy. Like that's my as soon as it's not a priority, it's it's like it's then I'm too busy, right?
And I know for myself when I'm having a more active fantasy life or when I'm thinking sexual thoughts more often, I want to have more sex and then that also begets more sex. But for those folks who have been away from physical touch either by themselves or with a partner for a while, even just embracing meditation and and using their mind and their energy body to bring their attention back to the subject can be very powerful. 100%.
Like you don't have to, you know, we previously talked about sex after divorce, right? Like maybe you don't have to jump into trying to date and have sex with someone ASAP. Maybe it starts with sexual meditation, right?
Maybe that actually is the thing that's going to honor you more because really, you know, part of sexual meditation is having a erotic relationship with yourself that doesn't rely on another person. I mean, even if you're listening to a guided audio, even if you are with your partner, it's still like an it's still a very personal activity that you're doing. You're engaging.
And I also imagine that if you were doing it with a partner that it helps to bring the two of you into sync and to like sync your nervous system. You know, I know for a lot of couples that feel like they're out of sync, whether that's like daytoday or just like in this one experience or like overall that like bringing your nervous systems into sync with each other where you know our heart rates and our breathing and like our movements are sort. It's almost like when you're dancing with someone and it's just kind of flawless and and uh requires no it's just easeful.
It's easier for sure on the relationship. Also, I think people who practice mindfulness regularly have less conflict and are better at managing and regulating stress. So, I think it's just better all around.
You know, I I stop I actually don't do regular meditation anymore. I just do sexual meditation every single day because I'm like it kind of serves the same purpose. Yeah, it's like multiple, right?
It's like taking multivitamin like just why why take the different vitamin when you just take multivitamin? What's been the biggest surprise for you uh as you have developed your relationship with sexual meditation? Like what's been a benefit or or something that you didn't expect?
Oh my god. An unexpected thing was I get so wet doing sexual meditation and during like my previous uh marriage I I struggled with dryness and I had no idea what right like and I'm not saying sexual meditation is the cure all be all but like at the time you know I mean there was like lack of compatibility lack of attraction many things right but also like I wasn't comfortable with myself but after doing sexual meditation regularly and if I'm too stressed stress or I'm too busy nowadays, I pop that on. I listen to it either the five minute or the 10-minute one, I get really turned on and whether it's for my husband or just for myself, like masturbating.
Uh it's the unexpected thing was that I get super wet. Did that increase the more that you did it too? So like maybe the first couple times you listen to it, it maybe didn't do that much, but now your body's like trained like Pavlov like, "Oh, there's my meditation.
" Like get the get the juices flowing. I think I trained my vagina. Yeah, I think it's that case and it has um I would say the first month uh it did make me feel calmer but it didn't give like any like kind of sexual benefits per se.
Within the second month I started feeling more of the benefits from reading my journals. I learned that that that's what happened. Yeah.
Yeah. I imagine just like any kind of practice takes like a month. You can't expect it to just start like changing right away and going to Right.
Yeah. you wanted to like slowly shift over time because that's when you're going to keep those benefits too. Like you have to work for them, but then because you worked for them, you get to hang on to them.
Yeah. Is there anyone who sexual meditation is not for? Like it's not a good fit for them.
I don't think so. I imagine there may be people who like kind of struggle to get still in their mind. Yeah.
But that they need it more than other people. Like it's almost, you know, I was going to say like people who have ADHD like they need that to help almost like cure them. Not to say that it will, but it will help curb their stress, helps manage the symptoms, helps like you know, even if you can help stay focused longer.
Yeah. And you know, people with ADHD, and I made a whole video about this, uh, that impacts their sex life, that impacts their libido, that impacts their ability to stay present in bed, that has a relationship with premature ejaculation. there's not been enough science done on the way that ADHD and other, you know, mental and behavioral health stuff impact our sexuality.
So, you're saying like if you struggle with it, that's actually a good place to start. The other thing I'll add for myself in my meditation practice, I learned recently about the difference between yang and yin meditation. And yang meditation which is like masculine energy meditation is like sit still you know like breathe spine straight like you know remove all thoughts from your mind and that's not what we're talking about here necessarily but that is that is what I think of when I hear the term meditation but yin meditation is like a moving meditation it can be the kind of meditation that you do while you are swimming or doing your exercise or taking a walk or dancing right like you can do those things in a meditative way.
And I think that there is something about um incorporating sex and sexuality and eroticism and intentionality in a way that works for you. If it doesn't look like sitting on top of a mountain having, you know, like the most pristine uh um posture like that is okay. I imagine you like you can do it lying down, you can do it with a party, you can do it for five minutes if that's a long time and then increase to 10 or 15.
It's all about being present and non-judgmental. It's not about how you sit, per se. It's not about having a straight spine all the time.
It's not about like it's it's just about being present and non-judgmental. Make it that simple. Yeah.
Yeah. Uh is that the way to make it like an easy win? Yeah.
Like if you if like a way for you is vacuuming your house and you're listening to like guided sexual meditation and it's super spicy and but you're able to kind of like meditate on it and be present while doing that and taking deep breaths and you're not judging yourself like you're totally good. You're doing it right. Yeah.
Amazing. I do it in the car like while I'm driving. Oh, I can that as soon as I get turned on I become a horrible driver.
I've run too many red lights to play with that. Don't drive in horny. Don't care.
You heard it here, folks. I don't know. Uh, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
Where can people find you? Love bites. co.
Lu Vbs. co. co.
And make sure that you are subscribed to this channel so that you never miss a video with content that will help you to have the best sex of your life. I'm Kaitlin V. Thank you for tuning in.
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