People in general practice this control, fixation, obsession most in relationships. They come very steady, very dependable. You know, if your house is on fire, you will call him that kind. Yeah, I was in a relationship with someone who was very fixated about my past as in who I used to go out with. I don't even know how to edit this. There's so many different so many different moving parts, right? Branches. Yeah. Branched out into many different areas. Yeah. This human nature to want to control how people think about us. Uh how they will react to
what we do. Always with praise, honor, you know, um validation. Um I I I guess it's this natural human need for validation and to want to have the outcomes that we desire for whatever situation in life. Yeah. But that's just so setting yourself up for disappointment, right? To to want to control things that are actually beyond your control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think most things in life are really beyond our control. We think that we have control. We imagine that we have control but we actually don't. Yeah. Exactly. Because you can do whatever you want
to do but then something can happen to you before Yeah. You can make all these plans and and it's instant, right? That change you don't have control over that, you know. So this control that we think that we have is so so delusional we imagine right that we have and yeah you know what you said earlier on about people wanting validation I think that's all a lot of like I mean we are just a bunch of kids in adult bodies right looking for validation because not validated enough when we were children not given that we
go around seeking you know wanting more likes wanting more, fishing for compliments. It's just Yeah. or doing things to get uh praise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it becomes a very disordered uh service, you know, it's actually to uh glorify yourself in a way. Yeah. Yeah. And yet we we all do that. You know what I mean? Like unconsciously we just follow this path and everybody is striving to you know I I find that you know this thing about validation right in the world that we live in we always give the rich people like people we
perceive as having money as being knowledgeable as being better than us and whoever like you know these influencers or people billionaire or whoever if they say something everybody will like oh must listen correct then this person I mean you can be rich and be stupid at the same time and why do we listen to people just because the their wealth is measured and I think it's and everybody wants to wants to be that everybody is like everything that they do is for more money because they want to feel more powerful and if you're perceived as
wealthy or more powerful then everybody will listen to you is and I think if you look at social media right everybody want to become an influencer that's what they all aiming for to have that power to try and control their destiny so to speak to become more powerful then the question is are they using that position for good or not, right? Because you can be at that position and use it for good, then that's that's good, you know? But there are a lot not using for good. I mean, what are they using for we don't
know. So, yeah, a lot of what people post on social media in themselves are their way of controlling how people look at them, how people perceive them, right? Yeah. the kind of pictures they choose the way they edit it and yeah it's a manufactured it's a manufactured life that yeah could be is most likely not fully authentic yeah yeah I mean yeah some sometimes it is very close to the truth um but people who do it with to gain likes and followers it's almost like a work thing. Yeah. It's no longer truth. It's just to
get the quantify Yeah. how good uh I am as an account. Yeah. An account holder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think we've spoken about this before where people on social media use filters, right? Is to mask the real identity. Um, so you don't see the the real the real them and I don't know how people come to terms with it because there will be people that you know I mean they're going to see you and know that you don't look like that in your photos. So like there's only so much you can control, right? The
perception of the public. You can't controlling their own minds to think that it's okay. It's okay. You know, I look like that. Yeah. As long as I think I look like that, I don't, you know, it it's almost like lying to themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Like I do look like that because I can't look like that with this filter. So this is just a version of me. Yeah. So they've convinced themselves that this is true. Yeah. I feel like that's why they're so comfortable with it. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite strange I find cuz there will be
people who permanently use filters right for all of their photos. It's like I mean once in a while you put a cute filter fine you know that's that's just for fun permanently right and you and then when you meet the the person you go huh this one is the same same person it's like yeah and they never age That's the thing is they never age they don't want to age yeah and that's the thing people want to control um the youth factor uh Yeah. You know, whether it's through a simple filter which is like okay
very superficial or going through plastic surgery. Yeah. Doing all kinds of things. Yeah. Obsession with youth. Yeah. Uh with looking what to the world is conventionally beautiful. Um what else people control? Well, I guess people might say that I control how I eat. Maybe they think I'm obsessed with Yeah. wanting to be of a certain size. Okay. Maybe I concede. Yeah. I like to control that. Well, I mean, if you're doing it, okay, if people say you're controlling what you eat, but if you're doing it for good for your health, I would consider it as
discipline rather than control. So kind, right? I mean, you're suddenly wearing your friend filters like I'm saying all the right things. Um I that's what I think. But then I'm full of myself, right? I mean, we all Have this ego thing that whatever we do, we choose right. What? Otherwise, why are we doing it? We don't people think we're stupid, right? But what you're doing is not a bad thing. That's that's my my point. I feel that. Yeah. And um it shows in the blood work. So yeah, you know, when I eat whatever I want,
my blood work is not as good. My triglycerides level is not good. Yeah. So to me, that's indicative of uh not just wanting to control size, but like you say, well-being. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're doing it for good for your health, you're looking at as a long-term goal, I wouldn't use the word control. Control has a very maybe because control has a very negative connotation to it. Um, so calling it discipline is much nicer. Yeah. For positive thing, diplomatic way of putting it. Yeah. It's for something positive. I mean, let's say you
if you control your diet because you want to I don't know. I can't even think of fit into certain clothes. Yeah. I can't think of the approval of some people. Yeah. Uh Yeah. But let's say you are runway healthy. Yeah. Runway model, right? And to keep your job, you have to control your diet. Yeah. And you become very unhealthy in the process. It's not a good then then that's a negative thing. Right. Right. It's not a a good thing. Yeah. Um and I don't Yeah. I mean when when people say that you are they judge
you for controlling your diet, they're trying they're also trying to control you. What? They're trying to control what you should be eating and how you should behave. You they want you to behave the way they behave, right? You know, so that comes from control. When people say that, "Oh, you're crazy for eating like that." That's a form of control. Yeah. True. To wanting to make me conform, right? Yes. Yeah. To what to them is normal. Yeah. Um, how about obsessions? Do you have any obsessions? I don't think healthy people have obsession. Yeah. I mean I
don't think I am I'm only Okay. I wouldn't even call it obsession. Like I would have like if I like a certain thing that I enjoy eating like these few days I've been eating buying from uh salad wrap or salad stop which is just across the street from me. Right. I love Yeah. I'm like I will be eating it like for a stretch like a face. Yeah. Like a new favorite thing. Yeah. So I wouldn't call it obsession. Yeah. Uh yeah. It's a new favorite thing. Yeah. It's not bad. It's not unhealthy. It's actually quite
good. They they they put really good ingredients in there. So then I don't consider it obsession. Am I obsessed with Okay. maybe taking care of my pets right now because they're not well like the dog. So, no, it wouldn't be obsession. No, it's a responsibility that you carry out with love. Yeah. Um I think there are people who are obsessed with uh their children like you know my children are like my little gods. Yeah. So weird as it sounds, I think they don't even realize it. Yeah. There are people who are constantly praising their own
children for their ch like Yeah. Their whole life revolves around around their children. Yeah. And I think sometimes people get that way because they have nothing else. Like all the energies are just devoted to their children. But the unfortunate thing is, I mean, one of your kids is going to screw up somehow, right? They're going to do something that's going to upset you. Then your your entire p your entire world view, right, of your life is just going to be topsyturvy because you think that you are bringing up this this this perfect human being when
you're not, right? And then Yeah. I think it happens very frequently or very often with like uh stay at home moms with nothing else on the side that they're doing. They're just constantly about their children. I mean like their projects, they're almost like their human projects. Yeah. It's not healthy. I feel like even if you're a housewife, you must have a like a side quest. You must have something that belongs to you because you can't just put 100% of your energy on your children and then you don't have anything. I mean, once the kids leave
the home, you're going to be so disappointed because they are not going to call you. Your kids being kids, Right? Once they are free and they have the means to be free, they're not going to call you. They're not going to, you know, like be your best friend, you know, kind of thing. Um so yeah it can be an obsession and I think a lot of people go down that route unfortunately it's usually the mothers because they are the stay at home parent right um I have friends who actually I have a friend his father
actually he's not a mother um he was a colleague before um He's very different now than when he was not a father. Like when he was not a father, when we had lunch, we always had so much to talk about, you know, and I I felt there was this real connection with him as a friend. Yeah. I mean, straight guy, there's nothing Yeah. other than a platonic uh friendship and and I really treasured that. Um, but now that he's a dad off and on, but because of how things have become, we've not met up for
a long time. Um, it's become like he comes as a package, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I I'm friends with his wife, too. Um, and and that's fine. Yeah. But the kid comes along and always the kid comes along. I I'm Okay. I understand there are families that are very close-knit that they have to do everything together. You know, even meeting someone like me who I don't have a kid or whatever, but that's fine. I don't mind the presence of your kid. But he becomes like almost like a nanny in the gathering. Like
say the three of us with four with the kids four of us. the wife and I will be the ones talking and I actually really also want to catch up with him because originally he is my friend. He was the original connection and there are a lot of things that I also want to you know talk to him about. Yeah. But he's so obsessed with his child that he's always either running after her or um okay she's reached the age where she doesn't do all these things. Um sometimes she gets bored. She will want to
go outside and wander around. Then he will like excuse himself and go off. And when we are talking he's like she always has a book with her and he will be like yeah so he's talking to her he's engaging with her and I got so frustrated. Of course I never showed it. I just went through the motions and then now I don't even want to initiate a meet up anymore because it's like huh you're not even there. You're there but you're not there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, I find that he's a bit obsessed with
his daughter. I I've never said this to anyone. Actually, I did. I said it to someone, a mutual friend, and she was quite surprised that I said that cuz she said, "Oh, we do hang out quite often because she has a kid, too. So, they go swimming or something." And she said, "Don't you find that?" I said, "Yes, he's not there. He is not there. He's there, but he is not there. M don't you find that and she said no l I was like okay maybe because you have a kid so that's how everyone behaves
that shouldn't be the way I I think it's in a way it borders on disrespect for the people who have come together for a purpose you know I'm not saying your child is not important but hey at least join the conversation you know and every little thing he says or needs gone. His attention will just Yeah. Yeah. That's very bad. I think a a lot of people don't know how to do proper parenting. They they feel like if my my child asks for attention, I would I should give it immediately. It's a very uh it's
a it's a misconception. That's not how you you you parent your child. you because you're not teaching your child patience. You're not you are teaching your child instant gratification and your child will never be able to Understand why they cannot get that thing that they want now. Yes. If you give the attention why I can't get you your attention now. Yeah. It's not even harder. Yeah. It's not healthy to even I mean even if you watch Caesar Milan, right? How he disciplines dogs. He says your dog come to you doesn't mean you have to give
it attention. The dog must learn how to wait and respect your space. You are the Yeah. You're the pack leader. Yeah. Yeah. And so I mean if dogs can learn that then you know children better. Children should also learn, you know, it's it will benefit them so much. Yeah. There is this huge misconception. I feel this is very present in Asian culture more than anywhere else. They feel like, oh, my parents did not pay attention to me when I was a child. Now I have a child. I'm going to give 100%. But you're not doing
your kid any favors. You don't know the right way in saying that. Yeah. Yeah. Because he he had a very difficult childhood. Mhm. Yeah. So, it's the I'm going to do the opposite. Yeah. It's not the right way, you know. Correct. And amazing is the wife can just totally ignore, but he can't. Yeah. It's so weird. And And I I have a cousin who's like that too. Men also. No. With their daughters. Is it? No. This one is son. sons. Yeah. Okay. It's like he's there but he's not there. He's forever chasing them, running around
talking to them, maybe talking to them and not in the adult space at all. Yeah. Yeah. I that's to me it's an obsession. It's also a form of control, right? You're trying to control the direction of you you want something back from your kid. You want your kid to see you as a perfect parent. Some parents find it very hard when their kids says, "I hate you." Um, and they go like, "How can you say that?" You know, "How can you say you hate me? You know, I've been the best parent to you and blah
blah blah." Right? It's a form of like when you when you give everything to your kid all the time. It's a form of control. It's like bribery. I give you this so that you you will see that I'm such a good person. It's like it's like kids playing with kids. That means the parent hasn't grown up to know that hey you know as a parent you need to have that steady presence and that presence means respect that presence also means that there is a time and place for everything. This is like completely no time and
space for Everything. It's just everything 100% is the there's no balance. Yeah. Is there teaching wrong values? Yeah. Yeah. Like you've got to have uh independence. Yes. You know, everyone must be independent. Yes. Of the others in in in a way there has to be some space for that. Yeah. And and your kid must sometimes know there are certain uh occasions and events that you don't go to. Yeah. Because maybe we want to talk about adult things. Yeah. I mean, what happened to that? You know, like Yeah. things that children shouldn't be listening to. Yeah.
Yeah. Or are you saying that we shouldn't be talking about things that are not good for children at all? I mean, sometimes can't be helped. Yeah. You may be talking about something. Yeah. Yeah. And it's none of their business. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But they are there. Yeah. I never bother to Yeah. initiate. It's very very sad because it was a very nice friendship we had. Oh, yeah. And he always struck me as someone very grounded, very steady, very dependable. You know, if your house is on fire, you would call him that kind. Yeah. But now
he's like totally the your house can burn. Brain has been Yeah. kidnapped by his daughter. She really stole his brain. Yeah. Yeah. which is yeah not healthy. It's not healthy when when people become obsessed with their role, obsessed with because at the end of the day your children are really not your children and you're molly coddling them. Yeah. You're not teaching them their boundaries. Yeah. I'm going to create boundaries for you too. Yeah. You can't always encroach in my time, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But there's yeah it's like always I must be there. So now
you can never tell her no this one you cannot go. You can never tell her that now. She's not going to understand it because thanks to you. Yeah. You have created this problem. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I think when children don't know how to wait like you know like I'm sure you've been out with with friends where like They have kids running around then a kid like tap tap on the mom's shoulder want to interrupt the conversation right like I would if my kid does that I will always say wait yes wait for me to finish
correct I'm talking to someone right so but when the parent immediately gives the attention to the kid I go like oh My god. You know. Yeah. One of those Yeah. But then they will say things like, "Oh, you mean you believe in the old oldfashioned way of parenting where kids what uh what's that term? Kids should not be seen. Kids should not be heard or whatever." Kids can be seen but not heard. Yeah. Or something like that. Yes. But I say it's not that extreme. It's more about teaching them what is the right thing to
do. Polite to interact. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and there was once um I went for the wake of his wife's mother. And then when I parked my car, I happened to walk past my friend and the daughter. They were sitting away from the wake goings on and she was crying. So I walked past said, "Hey, you're here." I said, "Oh, okay." Uh I said, "Is oh I thought she was very sad because grandmother died or what?" Very Close or what? So I said, "Oh, she must have been very close to uh grandma." And then
he said uh he said okay uh yeah her heart is very very soft. So okay I thought oh what a sweet child. Then I said I'll go and say hi to wife right and pay my respect. So I went off to the wake. Then later on when we were all sitting together around a table, the daughter, wife, him and a few other friends from elsewhere. Then the wife herself said uh uh papa needs to uh entertain the people. You cannot always have you know him with you all the time. Then I realized he was lying
to me. She was upset because he was busy or she was busy and she also said mommy also needs to you know take care of things is awake. You must you must understand that. I was like oh my head I was thinking hello. Yeah, like I felt very betrayed to tell you the truth and I was like I have lost you as a friend. I'm very sad to say. I mean I will remember the you know all the kindness you showed me. Uh but yeah I don't know when you're going to come back. Yeah. But
you know in in I mean you being honest about your feeling about this right about the situation. Um there are a lot of parents out there who will perceive what you say as what you said because you don't have kids. Yes. They will say like I'm an easy target or you you don't know what you're talking about because you don't have kids. Yeah. But but you you have a kid. Yeah, I have a kid. Give me your views. Yeah. I don't think people should be so obsessed with their kids. Ultimately, it's not healthy for the
kid, not for you. Yeah. Is there must be a boundary. That boundary is very important. Yeah. Yeah. And the attention can cannot always be on the kid please. Yes. you know, like at that round table in the end it became, oh, uh, what's she doing? She's creating a little quiz or a little game or whatever. Like, oh, she's so clever. She's so creative. Okay, I'm not like being jealous of a kid. But in the end, the adults also can't even talk, you know? It became like, oh, I got nothing to say. So then I left
after a while. Yeah. But honestly this message is for the whole world to all the parents when you praise your kids saying your kid is so clever your kid nobody cares only you care Nobody cares yeah and it's good that you care yes it's good you tell them that you care yes yeah but everyone else we are bored right we're bored with whatever you are saying about your kid we don't care you know I you know sometimes I hear other parents right telling me praising their own kid and telling me about it. I'm like, "Oh,
should I just jump in and also talk about my kid?" I'm like, "I really can't be bothered, you know? It's you." Yeah. Yeah. I saw that. That's why I don't care about my kid. But there's no point. Why? Like, am I doing this for myself or are you You need to tell the whole world your kid is good. Like, what is that? What is missing that you have to keep saying it? Are you trying to convince yourself? Yeah. You know, it makes me question all these things like what is really going on with you when
you keep talking about Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. And that posture is like always, you know, the kid and it's almost become you've closed yourself. Yeah. I hope you sure don't close yourself to your wife. Yeah. Yeah. Because that that would be devastating. Yes. Yeah. I can just see the trajectory of that whole dynamic. I don't know. Whatever. Not my business. Yeah. But you know, I mean these sort of parenting can cause a lot of problems in a marriage. Okay. What other fixations? I think if anything, if anything, I feel I should be more fixated
or obsessed with something. That's an interesting um idea. Why do you obsess over me? You know, I sometimes I I ask myself, am I not um don't I have I mean I have interests. I have I have strong interests like I have strong desires and sometimes I ask myself maybe I'm not obsessed enough about it that's why it's not happening or it's not where I think it should be going you know um yeah so I mean that that sounds just something in my mind I mean it's good you brought that up because I feel an
obsession is a disordered desire for something. Oh yeah. So it's disordered. Desires are very good, right? Interests are very good but they cannot once they become disordered A lot of bad things will happen. It will not end well. That's true. So I think hang on to your healthy desires and your interests. Yeah. Because it's a very ordered way of oh this makes fuels me. It makes me uh fulfilled. It brings joy. That's very very good. Yeah. It should stay that way. It should Nothing should be an obsession. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. And and even good
things can be if they're an obsession, they become bad. They turn bad. Yeah. Like fanatical, right? Yeah. When you're fanatical even about I don't know being about spiritual things doing good you become scrupulous you become so like no no no I I shouldn't have said that I shouldn't have thought that I must go for confession now and then it it's a disordered then it becomes disordered yeah yes so we are not me meant to be like that yeah we are meant to live in a way that it yeah gives us balance. Um yes by all
means pursue always the good Things but not at the expense of yeah balance and order. Yeah that is true. Fixation you know I once had was in this relationship with someone who is so fixated with being better than me in anything and everything. Wow. Even a simple competitive one. Even a simple game on Yeah. So it like we'll be playing this game on the phone, right? And I go, "Oh, I know I have this score." Then after that is silence, very quiet because he is trying to beat my score. I'm like, that's so unhealthy. That's
that's not this is not a relationship anymore. When you have to be so obsessed about being better, right, it's something is wrong. Something is wrong. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I was in a relationship with someone who was very fixated about my past as in who I used to go out with. Um what happened during the relationship and like details you know like why like if it bothers you better not to know right? Yeah, but it bothers it bothered him, but he It's as if knowing I don't know like made it better or worse, I don't know.
Or he enjoyed the torture. I don't know. Yeah. And it was terrifying. It was Yeah. Yeah. Traumatic. It was traumatic. I think it's a way for people to control the narrative, you know, already happened. That is the one thing you cannot control. something that has already happened. It's gone. The train has left. That's the thing because because this person doesn't know about your past. So this person wants to know your past so that they can piece the story together and formulate their own idea. So it's a control of a narrative okay. Yeah. Okay. So that
they can be okay. I see. You know if if they don't have that is really our obsession. Scary. Yes. Right. scary okay never mind that you this thing you say okay so they can control the narrative that's fine okay that's your coping mechanism but it's more to weaponize it yeah and the so it's obsession on both levels about what happened and then obsession with weaponizing it It's like you did this in a past Relationship. Why you not doing with me now? Winh. You cannot win one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah. It's like competing with
this invisible. It's like being in a relationship with someone and that person thinks that you're being unfaithful. Right. So, he's competing with this invisible enemy. Yes. Yeah. Similar to people who Yeah. Similar to people who have a like a spouse who pass away, right? And then they start dating and then this this new person that comes into life will keep asking about similar to that. Okay. It's a syndrome. I think the dead wife syndrome. Yeah. Sorry, I'm laughing. What happened to this to this person? Has this person married and married? Not don't know if still
married but married. Um I not sure whether he has children. I'm not sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Might be quite tough. Yeah. Oh, very tough. Continues with that kind of mentality in a in a marriage or new relationship. I'm glad they marry him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think people in general practice this control, fixation, obsession most in relationships. It comes up in relationships and it's yeah it's the most obvious, right? Um other things you can't really I mean other things other than you know people being uh you know got the what do you
call that obsessive compulsive behavior. Yeah. But that's more a clinical Yeah. to a point, right? Yeah, it's a mental disorder. Yeah. Um, yeah, like you say, relationships for sure, you know, one wanting to control the other or both wanting to control each other, control who you see, who are your friends. Yeah. What are your interests, what time you come back? Yeah. Even what you eat maybe. I don't know how you dress. I think how you dress is a very common one. how you dress, how you But I also feel sometimes Not all couples but sometimes
people start behaving this way because the other person gave them a reason to give them a reason to distrust. Yeah. It can and then a person becomes so insecure, right? That they Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. some there must be some trigger. Yeah. And sometimes the other person may not even realize. Yeah. Yeah. It was like a harmless thing also that person thought. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Even friends can be very controlling towards each other. Like who are you friends with? If that person is not my friend or I have bad blood
with that person, you better not be friends with that person. Yes. Yeah. Or I will it will upset me. Yeah. I'll see it as a betrayal. Yeah. It sounds so primary school or kindergarten, right? But do it too. It's crazy. It's very very real. Yeah. It's like what? Yeah. You You're not eight, you know. Yeah. And it's like if I don't agree with her idea, you as my friend also better do the same. Okay. You don't support her. you support her means you're not my friend. The idea of friendship is very warped. Yes. When people
become like that. Yeah. It's I think it boils down to being so emotionally immature right at the end of the day. Or even people who feel that hey she was my friend first then later you became closer to her but you didn't kind of tell me that you started hanging out. I will take offense to that too. What do you think? I had an an experience like that with someone who um I was very close to her. Then she also has a she's not from Singapore, but she also has another Singapore good friend, right? So,
two of us good friend, but we rarely meet like rarely three of us. So, it's one-on-one with me or oneonone with her. Sure. So when she left Singapore, then this friend in Singapore, we we we met up, right? We had a few meals together. Okay. She was upset. Um she said something like we like I don't know who she accused like hijacked the friendship. I thought that's really bizarre. And then from then on that friend just stopped contacting me. I never met her and it's been a long time. I've never met her for a meal.
I Yeah, I just found it very strange. Do you feel that um either one of you should have just told her, "Hey, we're catching up. You know, thanks to you, we kind of now are connected and just to let you know we're catching up." Would that have helped? Do you think we did tell her? I mean, we took a photo of us and sent it to her. But I think the problem is she might be she might have something where maybe she's afraid that we're talking about her. Oh, because she's like the common denominator, right?
So, she might have a fear that we're talking about her or we're discussing her. Oh, I mean the subject of her will inevitably come up. She's a mutual friend. Of course, she will come up, but we're not going to like gossip about you, right? I mean we we care. Your friend. Yeah. So I don't know what was the background. I mean why she did that and I left it as it is. I didn't pursue. I just thought okay you know I'm not going to after all She doesn't live here. It's not I'm going to see
her so often. That helps that. So I just let it be. And but interestingly I thought the other friend took her words very seriously. Her other friend right took her words very never contacted me ever again. Not even a text. I thought, "Oh, wow. Okay." I So, I just let it be. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. Clear signals are always appreciated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is quite strange, right? I mean, it is. It is. It's actually that one thing that surprised me about this friend because I never knew that she was like that. I
never knew that she would think this way cuz she's been a really good friend all this time and suddenly this thing come up. I'm like, "Wow." I had this question mark like, "Huh? What's this?" Like, "Where's it coming from?" You know, it's like very possessive of her her friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's very strange. So, yeah. So, I had that experience. Okay. Yeah. Yourself? I've not had this experience, but a very close friend of mine um was very upset with a friend of with two friends because they didn't know each other before. It was through
her that they got acquainted and then they started hanging out without her. Okay. Um and she said like never even tell her that they became close. So, her point is that they should have at least just told me um you know, we're hanging out cuz it seems as if they're doing it behind my back or secretly or whatever. Yeah, that was her point. But honestly, to me, it doesn't matter. If they're going to be friends, let it be. They don't owe you, you know, an announcement, right? Yeah. They're getting married. Honestly, they don't. Correct. Yeah.
It's not like I'm going to I'm dating your exhusband or I mean that maybe you may even want to say Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're all just friends. Yeah. And it's nice when friends of yours get together. Yeah. I always think that's quite nice, you know. And Yeah. But they never included her and they always in the end started hanging out without her. Okay. So, which I also I think that is a bit strange. They could have included her since she is the common denominator actually. Yeah. Yeah. So, I But do you all know how
the friendship between them sparks? Because sometimes they may have a common interest Then they do something together because of a common interest and then it just develop into a friendship, right? Yeah. Yeah. So and that friend may not enjoy being and that friend may not enjoy being doing that common interest thing. So it became very very bad that she my friend stopped uh seeing either of them I think. Wow. Yeah. Um then recently because I also know one of them not close just like Yeah. Sometimes two of us might have lunch. So this other woman,
she texted and said, "Hey, let's get together, the three of us." Then I know I know how my friend is feeling cuz we have a little group chat. Okay. So then uh my friend didn't answer at all cuz I saw the text like an hour or so later. So I thought, "Okay, that's quite a long time that had no answer, right, from my friend." I thought, "Okay, maybe she's busy at work." So I answer I say hey yeah it'll be nice you know then my friend didn't answer for like a long long time I was
thinking hey come on in my heart I was thinking don't be like that I think she's in a way saying let's move on you know in a way you know I don't know yeah um till the end of the day then she texted she said yeah um that date is fine for me um But no, you know, very tur. Yeah. But the other friend was very affusive. She said, "Oh, great. Good to hear that. Um, let me know where you want to meet, what time, blah, blah, blah." Yeah. Did it happen in the end? So,
we are going to meet next week. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. But my close friend and I I don't know how to broach it. So, I say just leave it. She She didn't say anything to me like, "Hey, why she asked us to go out for lunch?" She didn't say anything. Yeah. So I said just let it be. Yeah. Okay. I find it uh quite interesting that people will keep track of who knows who first. I don't think I ever even know how people are. Unless people ask you how do you know her then you will
go you know I met her through but I will not keep track as to like correct who knew who first and then who hang out with who first or absolutely I don't think I think you know life happens sometimes people just click they can't explain and then they become very very close yeah and you should be happy that they are close Right. Like they have found friendship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. And in fact, this uh friend who the other my close friend said betrayed her, she actually kind of apologized to
her already. She said my friend told me, "Yeah, the the husband cuz the husbands are also close." So the the husband of the other woman called my friend's husband and say hey you know haven't seen you for a while um uh is everything okay like almost like want to make up you know to say hey if we upset you we're sorry or whatever and then but my friend said yeah she wasn't sorry she she didn't even actually say the word sorry yeah wow Wow. That is more the husband was talking anyway. Didn't really say much.
It's like, oh, wow. But okay, I'm not the one going through it. So, yeah. I don't want to I mean, judge. Definitely. There's a lot of like inner woundings coming from this. And it's more than just this friend. It's It Doesn't Yeah, it's more than just It's like maybe feeling of abandonment more than anything else, you know? It's I honestly don't know where that comes from. Yeah. Cuz it sounds It doesn't It doesn't make sense. Yeah. To be so upset about your two friends. Yeah. And they were very close. They go on holidays together. They
almost every weekend they will hang out. Yeah. Like occasionally I will join them. Yeah. So I was like the occasional extra get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a abandonment issue. Yeah. It happens. It happens. What are your current uh obsessions? Let's let's let's look at the positive uh okay no we call it obsession. Nola, latest thing that you like very much. Keep thinking food. Okay. I've discovered this brand of keto ice gelato. Okay. Jammies. Okay. J A M M Apostrophe. Uh J A M Y Apost apost apost. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah. Jammies.
Um, it started by two local women. Okay. Who were sick and tired of trying to find ice cream that was healthier, I guess. Yeah. That didn't have so much sugar and fat. Yeah. So, they decided to make their own. So, they came up with the formula. The flavors, everything, the recipe. This is Singapore brand in Singapore. And they are fairly young women. I think in their 30s. Okay. Pair of sisters if I'm not wrong. And very attractive women. Yeah. Um so they made they thought okay it's going to be a small batch business you know
cottage industry thing but it has grown so much. They are now like available in little farms and I'm sure a lot of other like organic type supermarkets. Okay. Um of course they have an online store. you can buy directly from them. Okay. Um they've brunched in they've got quite a few flavors of the pine gelato. They have it in smaller cups too. They have It in like a magnum style chocolate coated outside. Yeah. Um and they also make like gummies. Okay. Uh I think some cookies as well. Yeah. Yeah. So truly very very clean. Yeah.
Okay. No uh no dairy, no sugar. They use m fruit, I think. Um the milk is from almond milk. Yeah. Yeah. So very natural and and very clean. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So when I want to treat myself, uh cuz it's not it's not as inexpensive as normal ice cream. So um I don't buy it very frequently. Yeah. But Yeah. Yeah. That's like my and I've been like introducing it to people who, you know, want to enjoy an indulgence but yeah don't want to the calories, the bad calories. Okay. Okay. Ah, Jammies Gelato. Okay, I'll check
it out. Yeah, go check them out. The two founders. Very interesting. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. my latest obsession maybe okay not obsession but what I've Um I read up quite a bit on uh ever since we had Cheryl on right where Dr. Sher, she talk about balsamic vinegar and then when you eat bread and it it breaks down the sugar, right? So I experimented with like if I have a meal that has carbs like rice or pasta or noodle after the meal I would take um like maybe two tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and add
water and I'll drink it um firstly like a palette cleanser. Secondly, I can feel that I don't have the sugar crash and it really helps to digest the the carbs and it lowers your blood sugar. Okay. And I feel so much better for it. U so I've been doing that in the past maybe two weeks, one and a half weeks and I feel so good after that. And um now I mean then because of that I've started to bake my pasta. Uh I'll have uh I put pasta in a pan, uncooked pasta in a pan,
add water, I put sardines, uh tomato paste, mush it all up, bake it. Comes out perfect. Um, then I add the the veg on top and it's really nice. And then I have So you don't have to boil the pasta first. It cooks in the same way. Yeah. Okay. And it's I just put 200° 20 minutes. Okay. You know, in the air fryer. Okay. And then you can control how much pasta you want to put. Right. So yeah. To make it's like really a one tray meal. just put it in like a lasagna, right? Yeah.
And so it's it's great, you know. So I have that uh for lunch. It's so easy to make. I just put it in and then I I continue working and uh and so that I don't get the crash where I feel I'm so sleepy after cups. I would take the apple cider vinegar. I'm like, "Oh, this is great." Nice. Nice. Yeah. I take that in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Um on an empty stomach or uh I drink it with warm water. So I add one teaspoon into a mug of warm water and then that's the
first thing I drink. Okay. Before I eat my eggs. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And um the other thing I'm kind of like quite into now are three types of noodles. Um egg white noodles. Oh um tofu noodles. Okay. And the last one you probably have heard seaweed kelp uh noodles. Yeah. So they are like one gram carbs. Very very low carb. It there's considered keto. Yeah. So if I want to eat noodles, let's say my family wants to go to eat laka or something. I actually bring my own noodles. Okay. We'll go to the store. Everybody
will order and I'll just tell tell them kosong as in don't put the noodles just everything else and then I'll bring my own noodles and I put it in and I don't even need to cook the noodles cuz it's one of those precooked. You just let the drain out the water and just add it to whatever soup gravy or whatever meat you want to add to Okay. Yeah, that's nice. So I also bought sardines, um like the tuna, different types of tuna, canned tuna to eat it with or abalone. Yeah. Or I have a miso
soup mix thing that if I want a soupy noodle bowl and Yeah, I'll do that. Looks like we have the same things. It looks like we have the same things in our cupboard. I have some misooney. So far actually very similar strangely. Yeah. If you pursue um a certain like a parallel path it's not the same path. It's it's like considered parallel then all the things you need will be similar right and yeah all the things that you adopt will be quite similar too. Yeah, I feel that. The other thing that uh might be interesting
to you and maybe not so expensive would be the mang mang bean noodle, the Vietnamese one you can buy. Yes, it's it's high high protein also and it's cheap. Yes, because it's available everywhere. It's not so rare like egg white. But you have to boil it, right? Yeah, you do have to boil it. Actually, no, you can. No, actually you can soak it in hot water. Okay. Okay. So, I soak it in hot water and then it's enough. You soak it long enough so it's soft. Okay. Tastes a bit like tangun, right? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I think it is. It is tangun. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. People like to use that for salads. Yes. Like a Thai salad. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's very fresh, right? Thai salad. Yeah. Or the wraps. Vietnamese wraps. They put that as well. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and there's this almond milk I love very very much. It's called Mando. M A N D O L E. Um, it's from a family farm. And it's only got three ingredients. Amens, spring water, and sea salt. Ah, no other like gums or corn syrup or anything. Yeah. Yeah. So, and it tastes
so good because they put a lot of almonds. I think the almond um proportion is very high. So, there's that creaminess, that oiliness to it. Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's my other obsession now. Manderlay unsweetened almond milk. I will attempt to make your own almond milk. It's quite easy actually. It's just that you need time to do it for you. Yeah. cuz I have the blender, right? My high powered blender. So, I can actually do it. Just get the organic almond from a scoop and can easily make I'm Yeah, I'm actually growing my own sprouts. Oh,
easy mang bean, right? It's just I love sprouts. Yeah. Yeah, I love sprouts. Um, so I always have sprouts at home. It's either been grown or has been harvested, I put in the fridge. And I did some research yesterday and apparently you're not supposed to eat it raw because if you grow at home, uh bacteria can faster. So you're supposed to at least uh pour hot water or whatever. That makes sense. So I'm like, okay, I better do that. So I've been doing that. Okay. Yeah. Lately, just at least hot water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At
one time, Tik Tok was my obsession, but you know, um, okay, I back to the retreat. I think I've been exercised from all these very useless. Yeah. Um, like there there were accounts that I watched that were actually not very good. Very materialistic accounts. Yeah. not the ones that where they teach you about oh life philosophies and life hacks right those ones are very good and I still look um but not not so much as I did before um so I used to like I told you I'll do my first half of chores and then
after that while I'm having my breakfast I will just sink into Tik Tok and it became like a almost like an escape. Yeah. M and I realized that because I did that and I spend like more than an hour sometimes, I would have no time to read my reflections. Yeah. And I would read my reflections on the fly like if I'm at the toilet or if I catch like 10 minutes, I would just like quickly skim through and I realized that I used to use breakfast time to read by reflections. And now Tik Tok has
taken over. Yeah. But very funny, after the retreat, I just didn't want to do that anymore. I just decided I will go back to reading my reflections, clear that first and then if I have a little bit of time, Yeah. I'll look at the the ones that teach you good values. Yeah. Yeah. It's very weird. Yeah. Yeah. It's Did you have a a like electronic detox when you were doing your retreat? Okay. Everyone had to surrender their phones, but I didn't because I said my cats sitter may need to call me for whatever reason. So,
they they made me an exception. Yeah. Okay. They said just don't use it. I said, "Yeah, of course." You know, if she calls then I'll attend to her. It's a form of And I didn't Yeah. Yeah. Um so I don't know if that was because I had my phone with me and everyone was like, "How come your phone is with you?" You know? Yeah. Yeah. Um I really believe I was exercised. Yeah. Um because they they the the the ex the priest is an exorist. He prayed a lot over us and there were a lot
of prayers that I never heard before and there was a lot of like uh detachment um and and we came to know like there there were all these gaps even though we practicing the faith there are still all these little gaps that he will infiltrate. Yeah. And just draw you away from God. Right. Yeah. And even like modesty, you know how I like to dress sometimes in a certain way. Right. I love low back. Yeah. And on the Monday after retreat, we had already planned a lunch. I had a lunch with some friends and I
I had already planned what to wear. Came that day. I just didn't feel like wearing it and I wore a shirt instead with the same pants that I wanted to wear and I felt really good about it. And Now like even once in a while when I think oh maybe I'll for that occasion I'll wear it cuz it's quite appropriate. It's like a resort theme I tell myself no but you have other resort clothes that are not immodest. Yeah. And I've like abandoned that idea. And it's not because anybody said and like forced me, you
know, it wasn't like one of those uh mind bending c things. It's just a very subtle naturally. Yeah. Like you you say you want to detach, you tell me, okay, I'll make it happen. Almost like that. Yeah. M like the the power of Jesus, you know, it's like it's amazing. Yeah. Like because he was there with us the whole time. The blessed sacrament was never reposed. It was in the same room with us throughout the whole weekend. And usually retreats they were reposted after adoration. Then they'll keep Jesus, right? This one he was there the
whole time. M and I feel that maybe he needed to be there like really present because it was a very specific sort of retreat. Yeah. Yeah. A spiritual battle sort of retreat. Yeah. Um so I've I'm I feel I'm quite changed. Yeah. In ways that I would never have imagined. Like why what's wrong? As long as I don't wear it to church. But but I'm thinking why must you have two wardrobes? I have two wardrobes in that sense. Yeah. That's not very authentic. Yeah. And and yes, you may not have any intention, any bad intention,
but someone will make use of your naivity to make someone else sin. And it's it's he's not going to appear in a scary form to say come to me. No. Yeah. Satan will always appear to be the most beautiful, the most even the kindest if you're not. Yeah. Yeah. Right. The nicest. For sure. Yeah. So it's always in plain sight. Correct. Yeah. So we we learn all that that it's not you your intention. It's how you are actually being used as a pawn. You don't even realize. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like what you told your
daughter. I remember. Yeah. It's not about you. It's about other people also. Yeah. They can't they can't handle it. They feel scandalized. They they are weak. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I believe this very much about people being used as pawns, you know. It's so because it's so easy. It's very easy. Yeah. People are so susceptible to it without I mean the thing is they don't even know. That's the thing. That's why right it always seems so harmless. Yeah. Yeah. So the little little I mean of course we don't go around and rob and
kill people or you know commit adultery. Maybe we don't even gossip but he will find your weak spots like oh this one like to dress like that. Okay. Yeah. Very good. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. And whatever. Yeah. Of course we were all given like literal gifts. Um, we had like blessed salts, blessed oil, uh, holy water, and it it's not just like a normal blessing. It's like exercised. Yeah. Chalk. We had, uh, best chalk and a whole like folder of different types of prayers for the lady to use. Yeah. Yeah. And we I learned that
you must not address the devil directly. You are not trained in exorcism. You never never do that. Yeah. You call on Jesus. You just keep imploring the Lord to help you in whatever. But you do not address this demon. Yeah. They're like, I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Do you put salt around your home? Um, so we so I've just gotten my little containers uh that we were told to put four corners of every room. Yeah. Yeah. So I haven't filled it up cuz I just got the containers like yesterday. Okay. Yeah. The salt
is very powerful because I do this thing called uh cleansing of the home. Sometimes people need um so I I'll I'll do that and then uh use a lot of salt. Yeah. To to to do the clearing. Yeah. Yeah. Did I ever share this experience I had with you when I was halfleep and then something was trying to possess me? Was this when you were away or at home? Um, not the one in KL. No. Okay. This was back in Singapore already. I was traveling and I came back. So, I came back and then in
my halfsleep state I was in this uh I went into this lift and there were two creatures. They were quite ugly and quite demonic looking. Yeah. They put something over my head like um like a round like a round thing over my head and it was piercing into my physically I could feel it through. Yeah. something something like that but it didn't look like torn. It looked like you know like Wonder Woman this metal thing over the head and they put over my head and they said uh to me I can't remember what they said
but essentially I told them I said you can do whatever you want with me. I'm just going to keep my focus on God. So literally in a dream right I I was looking up I said, "I'm keeping my eyes on God. You can do whatever you want to me. You can take my body. You can kill me. You can do whatever. But I'm keeping my eyes on God." And they were screaming at me to stop. And I realized that, oh my god, you know, they can do whatever, but what they want is my consciousness, but
they cannot have it because Yeah. I am the one saying, I'm keeping my eyes on God, right? Yeah. Yeah. I And I literally my eyes were like, you know, upward. And then slowly they were screaming and screaming at me. And then slowly they lost power, lost control. They just released. And I felt this peace as I was like, you know, saying I'm keeping my eyes on God. I felt this peace and I woke up. There was a pain literally pain that lasted for like maybe 24 hours. Wow. Oh, it was quite I was like, "Oh
my god, that was like like a spiritual warfare, you know, happening like they want they wanted something from me." Yeah. Yeah. And I thought, "Thank God." ultimately is that. Yeah. It's like thank God, you know, and Yeah. So for for me it's like these things are very real, you know. uh they do exist and and I think now more and more we see it. Yeah. Because the the the veil between the worlds the the veil is thinning. You know the veil is being lifted. So the the the that world and our world is becoming much
closer than ever. And I think that's why a lot of people are mentally ill because they don't know how to navigate through this and they fall. Yeah. They fall into the gaps. Yeah. And it's worse when they don't have a spiritual path. They don't have a religious practice. They don't have anything. Yeah. They will fall so easily. Yeah. Yeah. Well, time is running out. So it's that's why it's intensifying, right? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Well, always I must always remember God is in control. Yeah. If he's in control then Yeah. It's fine. It's good.
Yeah. I just see control to him. Thank you. Thank you for your sharings. This has been interesting. Yeah. Very interesting. I don't even know how to edit this. There's so many different so many different moving parts, right? Branches. Yeah. Branched out into many different areas.
