[Music] my childhood was very dysfunctional it was different my mother she left my bi biological father for her girlfriend and um so I never had the chance to meet him or get to know him and she was with her partner for the first eight or nine years of my life and during that time it was very um chaotic and tumultuous in the house there's always partying there's always um fighting and uh just drug abuse so I grew up in that environment I could remember one time in particular they were fighting and um I could see
her partner choking my mother and my mom's feet dingling back and forth as she was trying to break free from the choke hold that moment was traumatizing that traumatized me and so that's how it was all the time um her partner Not only was physically abusive towards my mom but she was also physically sexually abusive towards my sister and I the first time I was sexually abused by her partner I was about five she was touching me inappropriately and I just knew it wasn't right and I went to go tell my mom and she just
seemed very dismissive about it and in denial and denied it in that moment I felt so hurt I felt so angry I was um I felt rejected and I I believe that moment actually opened a door for the Spirit of Rejection and anger to take place and to take root but praise God he has Set Me Free from that even though there was chaos and and partying and the physical and sexual abuse there was a time in my life where things did feel a little bit normal my aunt used to come over and babysit us
she was actually the one who introduced us to Jesus she would read us Bible stories and she even baptized Us in the bathtub so that was a short period of time and you know we didn't go to church and um that was literally the only time God was in my life cuz the rest of it was just you know drugs and and um trauma um but that seed was planted so around 9 that's when things take a turn my mother finds another girlfriend but this time it's different her girlfriend is um she's very nurturing and
very loving however the partying and the drug abuse to got worse to the point where um around eight I'm sorry around 13 my mom she gets arrested and she goes to jail she got arrested for having uh meth on her and probably a bunch of other stuff um but from that point on she abandons me and doesn't come back for me because she always chose her lovers and her drugs over me and because of that I was in out of group homes I was in out of shelters and I end up getting pregnant at 14
and had my first son at 15 when I first found out I was pregnant immediately I thought oh get an abortion you know I'm 14 years old and I didn't have any parental upbringing or anybody to tell me what's right and what's wrong and what you should do and what you shouldn't do so I just figured oh just get an abortion but in that moment I heard a still Small Voice tell me no do not kill your firstborn and I believe um that was a Lord because I met him for just a moment when I
was little and it convicted me I felt guilty and I it actually spooked me and so I didn't but um later on in the future I did end up having three abortions at this point um right after I had my son I actually uh started using meth myself and that's where my drug addiction youth started happening and became an addiction after my son was born I was he you know so heavy into the drugs that I got kicked out of where I was staying which was you know with my baby daddy and um the grandmother
she kicks me out because um I was just becoming too much and so from that point on I bounced around a lot trying to find a place to stay trying to um get high I would always find myself with older men who um sold dope or um yeah who was you know so dope and now orina I got to ask during these years 14 15 16 what was your internal world like I just was so numb and just so angry at the world and just so L I was so mad at my situation I was
so mad at my mom I was so mad I was like why why me why do I have nothing why don't I have a mom or a father or a place to rest my head like it was just um yeah I was confused I was lost um and so I ironically my mom was meth addict from the time I was born until you know she had a her third stroke I end up using meth myself you know I became a product in my environment ironically um and I also just like my mom chose drugs and
abandoned me I actually did that with my firstborn son that I decided to keep because I was kicked out of the house cuz I started using drugs right after he was born and so at this point I'm 21 years old and I'm just so done with life I'm so done with going nowhere and also feeling like a failure that I I neglected my son like my mom neglected me and um I was just uh I wanted to end it all I was at a dope dealer's house and there was a gun on the table and
I remember just staring at the gun contemplating back and forth should I do it should I do it should I do it it was like playing Russian Roulette and I remember picking up the gun and putting to my head and pulling the trigger and um that freaked the guy out and he cussed me out and said get out of here um but I just wanted to end it all and in that moment I just just did it I just pulled the trigger literally looking back at all the times that I was um cuz I've been
suicidal more than that one time um I just know that God was with me I knew he had his angels over me because here I am to tell my story of surviving that um praise God that I don't know if there was any bullets in there or if it just wasn't one but here I am the last time that I was suicidal I go to my friend's house and she was a childhood friend of mine she was the only place of stability her mom was a Christian she was a born again Jew they always had
the same place and I met her in fourth grade so I've known her for a long time but any time that I just was tired of like sleeping with so and so or just you know having nowhere to go cuz I've literally been on the streets I've literally slept on park benches and in the Parks and just roaming looking to get high and looking you know what am I going to eat next you know how am I going to shower so I'd always stop at her house well one of the last times I was suicidal
I couldn't slip my wrist or even shoot myself in the head or overdose cuz I've tried that tried every drug in the book because I just wanted to end it all I go to her house and I ask if I can come in and use the restroom I go into use a restroom and I'm just so broken I'm So at the end of myself that I remember I just I just sink down and I'm just weeping and I cry out and I said Okay God take my life take my effing life life I don't want
to live anymore in that moment I did feel some relief I did feel like okay good cuz you know I knew there was a God but I didn't know that much more of him so I believe there was something bigger out there than myself so by calling out I've thought okay good he's going to take my life like I'm I'm G to die this time it's actually going to work little did I know that um yeah I did surrender my life to him her friend um my friend's mom comes home and she sees that I'm
like you know distraught and kind of you know drugged out and looking crazy she said um you want to come with me and I do I go with her to her friend's house and I end up saying the sinner's prayer and I end up uh repenting and I end up um just giving my life over and surrendering to Jesus literally from that day God did take my life God took my life he took my old life and gave me a new life that day I did die that day Regina the drug addict sexually promiscuous suicidal
lost troubled little girl died and he gave me a new life and the life I have now in Jesus is I am married now and um I have two beautiful children with my husband who um is so kind and so sweet we have two different um upbringings completely opposite but God knew what he was doing when he brought us together he's definitely the peace to my storm and God was so good in reuniting me with my firstborn um although I didn't raise him and he didn't know me as his mother God did um restore that
relationship um so he knows me as his mother now and even though God radically transformed my life even though that day I said the sinner's prayer and I repented and that day I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart even though God broke off addiction broke off homelessness like I was never homeless since that day forward even though I was radically transformed there was still a lot of inner healing that needed to take place there was still a lot of childhood trauma that I hadn't dealt with but God's timing is perfect I spent the last two
years at my local church they have a discipleship program and um God has really showed me who I am I thought I knew who I was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior because I've been walking with him for about 20 years now but I didn't know my identity and who I am and who's I was if I knew my identity I wouldn't have an orphan mindset I wouldn't respond like an orphan feeling rejected I mean cuz remember as a child that opened a door and I've dealt with rejection my whole entire life but
the this discipleship school has taught me and shown me that um how much I am loved by the father and how much I am worth refining and purifying and so now now I know now I know for sure and and I'm still going through the process I'm still um because you know no one has arrived right um but God is still he's such a gentleman and it is process some things do happen miraculously and just um radically but sometime some things do take time and for me um God is still working through those um childhood
traumas Regina can you take us back to that radical turning point in your story where you're crying out to the Lord to take your life and hours later or however long later you find yourself saying The Sinner prayer prayer um what was that process like even over those hours yeah so after I amum I called out to God in Anger just ready to end it all it was about an hour later my friend's um Mom she comes home and she sees me very distraught and looking disheveled and I go with her to her friends house
to um get prayed over and she had asked me do you want a new life do you want a restored life do you want hope do you want peace do you want to be forgiven and I said yes I'm tired of this life I don't know what else to do I don't know what else I I don't know what else and so when I was at my end of myself is when I surrendered I gave my life over to him ironically I didn't know I was surrendering my life I didn't know was confessing with my
tongue to take my life I literally wanted to die and um God knows and God did Kill the old Regina and resurrected a new life like we are resurrected with Christ as Believers it was Radical I remember after I said that and I got prayed over I mean it was like I mean demons coming out shaking and vomiting um I felt such a weight lifted off of me I felt such a peace that I've never felt in my life as I left the house and I was walking back back to the friend's house um because
it was a few blocks away I remember just everything changed like literally like the sky was Bluer the the trees were so green everything was vibrant and I really feel like the scales fell off my eyes and um I'm seeing life with new eyes cuz literally he took my old life and from that moment forward he was he gave me a new life and I've been living for him ever since Regina what would you say to someone who if asked the same question do you want peace they're like yeah I don't I don't want the
life that I have now what would you say to someone who's in that place right now just willing to um trust the process and um accept Jesus Christ and what he did for on the cross cross the price that he paid I mean Jesus he walked through the same suffering as we did and more and if you just um confess with your tongue that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins and our iniquities and rose again three days later and you have faith and you believe that he can do that for you I
can promise you your life will be changed I can promise you because when we believe we are given a gift and that's the Holy Spirit and the holy spirit is the one that gives you peace that surpasses all understanding the holy spirit is the one that is your comforter for when you're feeling alone and abandoned he's the one that comforts you and by accepting Jesus Christ into your heart you're guaranteed that gift you're guaranteed that promise that is your inheritance so if you want peace if you want a sound mind surrender give your life over
what's working isn't working so why not just give it over to the one who can save and the one who can redeem have you seen Jesus bring healing with regards to your family yeah God is in the business of restoration um you know growing up I only had um my sister and my aunt and um God has restored that right before I got married he actually reunited me with my sister and my aunt around the same time cuz my mom is in the hospital she had a couple strokes and at that time I've been clean
and sober for a couple of years and I was about to get married and so God just restored those relationships and he's still restoring and he's still redeeming because it is a process um yeah how have you seen Jesus bring restoration even with your relationship with your mom all these years well I think at the right time um God has introduced you know family members back in my life um and also is teaching me to be forgiving the understanding to show Mercy right before I was married God brought back my sister and my mom and
even my aunt back in my life and there are some bumps in the road it was hard um but now I think we're in a good place because um she has had a couple of strokes and she is like on medication for um you know Alzheimer's and you know we talk from time to time and um I do love her and um I do pray for her I guess I would um say that Jesus did that for my sake for my heart for um my mind because God is constantly shaping us and molding us into
the image of his son and he wants us to have that heart posture of forgiveness and understanding and he wants to restore what the enemy try to take away you know the enemy wants to tear apart families and um break apart marriages but God planned that from the beginning for fames so Jesus has definitely um restoring he's definitely restoring my relationship with my mom with my sister um even my aunt she lives um in another state um but I did move from California to Virginia uh to be closer to my sister and her family so
you know we see each other for the holidays and things like that yeah and what is your life with Jesus like now oh my gosh my life with Jesus now is it is good it is good um you know obviously I'm I'm no longer homeless uh since the day I you know accepted in my heart I never had to sleep on the streets again and now a few years ago my husband and I built our house from the ground up we have six acres and I just can't believe um the goodness of God you know
I went from homelessness to having a house and having to build a house um God is restoring my relationships with family members um God is continuing to work on my inner healing and the childhood trauma that I've experienced God has blessed me with two children who love the Lord and who know the Lord even though I didn't grow up with family and what that looks like a normal family I do have the Holy Spirit who's my teacher and who is teaching me every day how to be a mom and how to love and how to
parent and I have my husband who is um he is he is such a good man he's everything that I prayed for he's everything that I God knows that I needed Regina who is Jesus to you Jesus he is my everything he is the Lover of My Soul He's My Redeemer and he's my friend would you pray for those who are watching your testimony right now heavenly father I thank you Lord I Thank you for those who are watching I thank you for those who have listened to what I've walked through and what I've been
through I thank you Father God that you are a God who is merciful and who is just you are a God who is loving and forgiving you are a God who pursues with Relentless love I thank you for chasing me down all those years I ran from you you knew what I needed when I needed it so I pray in the name of Jesus for any of those who are watching and listening that you would tug at their heart God that you would um remind them that they are not forgotten but they are loved and
that they are forgiven and they belong to you that they are your children I pray for anybody who is struggling with um Suicidal Thoughts I pray in the name of Jesus in the same way you send angels to prevent my suicides I pray in the name of Jesus that you would send angels to protect them to intercept father God I pray for those who seem lost and who are wandering and have nowhere to go father God I pray to send your servants their way to preach the good news and the gospel that there is a
way that there is hope and that's through your son Jesus Christ father God I pray for you to make a way where there seems to be no way father God I pray in the name of Jesus that through this video they can feel and see your love and your goodness oh Lord let them taste and see how good you are Lord Jesus I pray in the name of Jesus this that anybody that has struggles with their mom or their father or relative father God I pray that you would just soften their heart Lord Jesus I
would pray that you would Minister to them and I pray for a Reconciliation Lord Jesus I pray for anybody who's ever had an abortion I pray God that you would just come in and just remind them that they are loved and that they are forgiven I pray for repentance God that they would repent and ask for forgiveness and feel your forgiveness I pray in the name of Jesus to wipe away any shame or any guilt that's hindering anybody who's watching this video that it resonates with God in Jesus mighty name amen amen I just want
to give like 20 second space in case the Holy Spirit brings up any other maybe stories or themes or anything else that maybe for you to go into um that we can kind of circle back to um if there's any more uh yeah if there's anything else yeah I will say when I um in my 20s that it was the hardest time of my life being a female and being alone and being homeless especially in the Streets of San Francisco California it was rough I mean I've seen things I probably shouldn't have seen um but
looking back I know that I know that God was there as he's always been there since he was introduced to me at the age of five I look back and I think of um the times that like you know God sends his Messengers there was this track people don't do that as much anymore but there was these tracks and you know I would look at look at them and um you kind of toss them aside but there was this one time I happened to be um hanging out at a friend's house it was kind of
more like a I don't know like a little Nook hole in the wall and of course we're using getting high and he had a Bible and I actually was reading it I think that's too when things started to um God started speaking to my conscience and um was tugging at my heart yeah so I just looked back at the times where God ha was there and has been there when you're in the midst of your your trials and tribulations you you can't see but when you invite Jesus into your life and he changes things and
he renews your mind um you can see like wow God was there and he has been there I'm just thankful for the life that I get to live now I get to be a living breathing example to my children that you don't have to be a product of your environment my children will never have to go through what I've been through they would never have to see what I've seen heard what I've heard experience what I've experienced um because I broke the cycle it stopped with me and they are not going to inherit that we
are choosing to raise them to believe in Jesus Christ and the goodness of God and and what he can do for you and I don't shy away I always have teachable moments with my kids and I always use examples um and so they really have a firm foundation of who Jesus is to them Regina do you have any final words for those who are watching your testimony looking back at my life I ran from God I wasn't ready I kind of knew that he was there and I should give up the drugs in this lifestyle
but I wasn't ready I wasn't ready to surrender and to um submit to him and give my life over because I wanted control I didn't never had control in my life and um that was my way of having control but the moment I submitted myself to God and I surrendered and I said okay okay I'm tired of running from you I'm tired of running I'll right already you can have my life you can take my life it has been the best decision I've ever made I have no regrets and I just want to encourage those
um who feel that tug in their heart that God is speaking to your conscience that God is tugging at your heart you know who you are and you know that you've been running from the Lord but now is the time now is the time to give your life over it's the best decision you'll ever make in your life you will find peace you will find Hope and a joy that doesn't come from this world it's not fleeting it's it's not it's um Everlasting we have an eternal hope and that is an inheritance and that is
not of this world but we have a Heavenly inheritance and that's Everlasting and so my final thought is just just give your life over just give your life to Jesus he's worth the cost he's worth the cost he's worth denying yourself taking up your cross and following after him nothing in this world world is worth holding on to other than the hope we have in Jesus [Music]
