My Wife Cheated With A Janitor, So I Changed The Locks And Divorced Her. Then This Happened...

my wife cheated with a janitor so I changed the locks and divorced her then this happened this is our reconciliation story it's long but I hope it helps someone to understand they are not alone I've been reading this sub for over a year now oddly it was my wife who suggested it see it's always concerned her that I never really spoke in depth about how her Affair hurt me and changed me to anyone other than her she's afraid I think that I might Harbor some repressed hatred for her I don't it's like touching a hot

stove do it once and you never purposely do it again I am that way about my emotions I am not void of emotions I just choose to keep some of them safe Within Myself anyway I recently created a username and began posting because one particular story for whatever reason hit me harder than some others I read I spoke with my wife and showed her something I wrote to this user and asked her if she was okay if I posted her story she was okay with it and actually encouraged me to include more details than I

had intended her reasoning was that everyone needed the whole picture to understand why she pursued reconciliation with me so hard why it worked for us and to understand why I fought it and how I see our love and our marriage so differently now after the first draft of this I read it and got a very uneasy feeling about how my wife appears in this story and subsequently in our marriage while she had no problem with this story as written I decided to add this on the front end my wife has become an amazing wife mother

and woman she holds a professional degree in her career and is well thought of and ADM ad ired in her field she suffered greatly too admittedly due to her own action and to no lesser degree from me during the reconciliation she has truly been forged in Fire and came out of steel her betrayal was devastating but I think in my case it was the circumstances surrounding the affair that ultimately allowed me to forgive her not excuse her forgive her I lost a part of the good in me by going through this pain in contrast she

came out of it a better person I at times resent that but then I see the positive she has brought to my life over the 23 years since this happened and it's okay I'm writing this in chronological order obviously I was not aware of some of the events until later the details come from writings that my wife did for therapeutic reasons something she also incorporated into our reconciliation process we still have the notebooks we plan on burning them on our 50th wedding anniversary background we married when we were both 20 after about a year I

decided to go back to school parttime to finish my degree eventually we had a child and I felt the pressure to finish my degree my son had just turned two when I started my last year of college two semesters were all I needed in September of 1993 my schedule was the following part-time job from 3:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. full-time job at the Police Department administrative job from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. school Tuesday nights from 5:30 p.m. to 10: p.m. and school Saturday from 8:00 a.m. to 2: p.m. my wife was a nurse's aid

at a local hospital working from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. my mother kept our son school and both of our jobs as well as my parents were all close no more than a 10-minute drive from one to the other we had as good a setup as possible for what I was trying to accomplish dday the weekend before dday we had fought constantly it was the spring of 94 and finals week for me if I finished my papers and passed my finals by the following Sunday we would be celebrating my completing my Bachelor of Science and

finally ending this 8-month schedule I was working but she was upset because I would not take time off from stud studing to take her and our son someplace she had been complaining about my work in school for some time now and it had gotten so bad that we had to stop having sex two months prior on this particular Monday evening I was factchecking a research paper I had completed Saturday that was due Tuesday evening and she was constantly picking an argument finally I told her to shut up and quit acting like a child she stared

at me and boldly announced I hate you and I'm in love with someone else just like that I was stunned we argued for about an hour until she confessed about what had happened earlier in the day while at lunch at work it seems for the past 2 months she had started an emotional affair with a janitor at the hospital basically it started with him complimenting her and always showing up every time she turned around this graduated to eating lunch together in the cafeteria and then regular sessions of complaining about me to him they moved the

complaining sessions to the car about 2 weeks prior she later admitted to twice kissing him during this time but today it had turned into a full makeout session culminating in her giving him a hand job to finish while he fingered her and then proclaiming their love for each other upon hearing this I basically broke from the subconscious world I disassociated from all reality I think later I will go into further detail regarding my thought process that night in the meantime this is what my wife wrote about that moment it was strange when I told him

what we had done I was fully prepared for some type of outburst he just looked at me with the most horrible pain you can imagine then it turned into something I can't describe it was blank he turned around and walked to the bed and quietly closed the door I remember getting mad then the bastard would not even fight for me I just knew at that moment I had made the right decision and everything was going to work out I did it I was Breaking Free of the man that was ignoring me all these months I

returned to the living room with a suitcase walked past her and out the front door I remembered her repeatedly asking where did I think I was going home to Mommy I remember I placed the suitcase in the driveway went back in grabbed her purse and handed it out and told told her to leave this shocked her she refused I gently threw her over my shoulder walked out the door sat her on the hood of the car her shock at this allowed me time to get back into the house and lock the door she tried to

get in but I held the deadbolt and she eventually left to stay at her parents she told them we were separating but not why that was a long night I called into both jobs to let them know I had a family emergency come up and would not be in the next day at some point I fell asleep Tuesday dday plus one I woke up at 7 and immediately began to occupy my time by planning how to minimize contact with my soon to be ex I called my mother to ask her to keep my son she

was worried because normally he was there by now after that I made a list of things to accomplish that day and I started working the list first I dropped my son off and explained to my mother that I would need to sit and talk to her at length later that day I then went to the office of a lawyer a friend of my family he had gone to school with my dad and I knew him all my life I explained I wanted to file for divorce as soon as possible he listened to my story and

suggested I think about things for a while but I was adamant he said he could have the divorce papers completed by the end of the day I told him I would pick them up that day and file them with the clerk's office myself I dealt with this type of thing at my job with the PD next I went to get new locks for the house and made a stop off at the bank I emptied and closed both our savings and checking accounts I placed half the money in an envelope and stopped by my sister-in-law's place

of work and gave her my wife's half of the money I told her to tell my wife that she is not to contact me at all and that was her half of the money from the bank I also told her I'd canceled our only credit card back at my mom's I told her everything and she and my little sister came up with a plan for my little sister to stay at my house and watch my son while I worked and went to school for the rest of the week I made my way home changed the

locks spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and playing with my son and then went to school my wife also decided to not go to work that day she contacted the janitor and told him what had happened he was sympathetic and invited her over to his house that evening to get away from the stress more on this house later long story short she went and she screwed him here is what she wrote about that night he fell asleep after I remember being so excited at the beginning but during and after it began to feel wrong

since he was asleep my mind began to wander I thought about G me and how he had made me do this pushed me to find someone else I got up and left on the drive home I began to remember the first time G and I had sex we were each other's firsts I broke down and thought about how disgusted I was with myself then I got mad at G all over again it was really a sick cycle I would not face the responsibility of how truly horrible the thing I had done was I convinced myself

it was his fault Wednesday dday plus two that day began as normal I went to work came home showered and ate breakfast with my son and sister my wife called called and wanted to make arrangements to see our son she was cocky and spiteful on the phone I told her that I would meet her Sunday at 1: p.m. and she could spend some time with him at the local park she wasn't going for that she wanted him for the weekend I said no she knew him staying at the house solved the babysitting issue for right

now both her parents worked so she did not push it she slammed the phone down I went to work at the PD and the first chance I got I went to the clerk's office and filed for the divorce later in the day I was notified by a girl I knew there that they were ready to go to the Sheriff's Office to be served I called the deputy I knew and told him the story and asked him to serve them to her at work he said he would the next day my soon to be ex also

returned to work her janitor came by her station and chatted her up throughout the day they were not able to eat lunch together that day nor meet that evening he claimed he had to go to something with one of his kids he told my wife earlier in the affair he was divorced and had three kids she went to her parents after work later that night she called me three times and each time I hung up on her after I found out it was her caller ID was not the norm back then in my area Thursday

dday plus 3 after another long night of grieving my day started out like the day before I went to work after I arrived at my second job I received a phone call from the deputy that was going to serve the papers he told me he would get there around noon I explained that would be fine her lunch hour was from 11:00 a.m. to noon I sat at my desk and tried to work I was antsy and got up and went to the restroom at least three times until I finally threw up I calmed myself and

kept reminding myself it was the right thing to do thankfully I had not heard from my wife so far 11 a.m. my wife meets the janitor for lunch they retire to his car in the parking lot and screw classy they clean up go back inside and grab something in the cafeteria for lunch noon my wife reach her right nows to the nurses station on her hallway along with the janitor and starts talking to the RN in charge of the Hall 5 minutes later the deputy walks in he asks the right now where he can find

Kay my wife Kay speaks up that's me the deputy turns to her and in a loud voice says Mrs Kay you are being sued for divorce due to infidelity my wife falls on the floor here are her words describing what happened when I heard that I felt this massive wave of Shame and guilt it hit me that I had destroyed my marriage that he was really going to divorce me some stupid part of me really believed that he would not do it I thought this was just another argument I was trying to win really sick

thinking I remember the deputy physically picking me up and putting me in the chair there was screaming it was me the right now was trying to calm me down T the janitor tried to grab my hand and I punched him he turned his head and the punch landed on his neck I scratched him as he pulled away I was yelling at him that he had ruined my life they got her calmed down the deputy said the janitor left immediately she was able to go back to her shift but a did a lot of covering for

her 2:45 p.m. my wife was close to finishing her shift when she was called to the hospital administrator's office she was scared she guessed someone had reported her Outburst when she arrived the lady closed the door and immediately told her she was fired not to come back on the property and that she would receive her last check through the mail it seems the Trist in the parking lot had been witnessed by someone they had reported it at some point a had been called in and had relayed the story about the divorce papers the janitor was

brought in questioned fired and escorted from the property just an hour prior to my my wife being fired everyone in the hospital knew about it all she says she just went to the car and drove to her parents at this point they still did not know what was going on just that she and I were split up and it appeared serious 5:30 p.m. I was eating supper with my son at home my sister was out with friends and we were just spending time together the deputy had relayed the events from earlier and I had gotten

quite a bit of satisfaction knowing the reaction the janitor being there was just blind luck I was surprised she hadn't been arrested for assaulting him but hey you can't have everything then there was a knock at the door standing in front of me was a lady about 5T tall and enormously pregnant barely able to stand straight she asked for Kay I explained she no longer lived there and would not be returning she asked if I was her husband I said soon to be ex-husband I had served the papers today she said she was D the

janitor's wife and she was pregnant with her fourth child I let her in to sit down she explained what had happened earlier about her husband and my wife getting fired and the circumstances surrounding it I felt like throwing up who the hell was this psycho which I had married she also explained about the house that my wife met him at it was at that point I would have murdered him in Cold Blood right there if I could have found him not for my wife but for humankind in general this guy was a piece of crap

again more on the house later she asked me where my wife was and I explained that she was with her parents I gave her directions after she assured me she only wanted to talk to her and let her know the truth my son was still in his chair at the table and you could see him from where we sat in the living room she commented on how wonderful a father I was to take on the care of my son alone she got up and left 6:30 p.m. my father-in-law answered his door and D asked to

speak to my wife thinking she was a friend of Kay he went and got Kay who stepped out on the porch to speak to her de told her who she was and that she just wanted to know the truth about what she had gotten herself into with the janitor de and the janitor were still married and living together she was 8 months pregnant with her fourth child Kay was upset and crying at this point and apologizing over and over again but it got worse you see the janitor and another guy at the hospital along with

one of their friends were playing a game the goal was to see how many married women they could screw in the span of 90 days up until my wife the third guy was leading with three my wife was the janitor's third oh and the night he had the thing with one of his kids he screwed the fourth woman D said that the lady had been married 25 years and de was informing her husband next it was the neighbor the house was a place they rented to take the ladies D found out about this 2 hours

after he was fired he came home high and crying confessed everything in an attempt to work it out D left with the kids and told my wife she was leaving him she then squared up her shoulders and slapped my wife hard across the face and called her a stupid cow Kay was stunned D told her she should be ashamed of throwing away her family she told her how she was at her home an hour ago and watched a loving man feeding his son all alone because his wife was a stupid selfish exploitive my wife lost

control crying and D walked away got in the car and left my in-laws checked on her after hearing the car drive off she was basically catatonic they got her inside and were discussing taking her to the emergency room when she began to just talk out of her head my father-in-law thought she was on speed or something she started talking about how terrible she was and how she had to fix it they calmed her down eventually and got the whole story my father-in-law was really hurt he was and is a good man he later said she

my wife could see the shame and disappointment on his face mother-in-law well she blamed me as usual I'm not fond of her immediate aftermath my father-in-law called me the next day and apologized the one and only time I ever suspected that my father-in-law had tears in his eyes he told me what happened and said that Kay had been in her room all day and night I told him about the appointment and Kay had to meet me on Sunday at the park he said okay and hung up I worked Friday and went to school that Saturday

by the end of the day I had found out I had passed and would receive my degree Bittersweet but I made it my parents celebrated that night with extended family coming over and cooking out I have a great family no one brought up Kay the next day I did not hear from Kay at one I chocked it up to a blessing something I could use in a custody hearing if needed at 3:30 her father called he he said Kay was still not responding coherently to them and just walked around in her bathrobe with his notebook

in her hands and would not let go of it she had not bathed in days and only ate sparingly he was worried and tired he found himself afraid to sleep in case she hurt herself he asked me to come see her I declined I couldn't feel anything for her I told him to get her some help and I would let her see our son when she could get herself together I really felt nothing for her that first night I had gone through my own trial by fire and came out strong more on that later I

was not going to care about this person ever again I did not hear from her or her family for 2 weeks reconciliation two weeks had passed since I had last spoken with my father-in-law during that time I had quit my part-time job and was actively looking for a new job I had plans to get my MBA but wanted to take a year or two to get settled in a new job my son was asking about his mother I could only comfort him at that point the longer she went without reaching out to see him the

better for my chances to get a good custody deal I was at the PD when she called and asked to set up a time to meet up and see our son I asked her if she had pulled herself together enough to not scare him and she replied yes I told her I would meet her at 9:00 a.m. at the park on Saturday and to bring her dad I did not want to meet her alone my mother went with me when I saw her I knew I had made the right decision to limit her contact to

only 2 hours she was a mess she had lost a lot of weight she was not wearing makeup she smelled like Ivory soap no perfume or deodorant or any of those feminine smells I always associated with her I found out later her mother had bathed her and dressed her Kay was not able to function completely yet Park meetings lasted about 3 weeks and I extended them to 4 hours and Sunday too she looked better each week but I was still concerned about her mental health and I would not let him stay with her overnight or

see him alone eventually my mother-in-law tired of that and hired an attorney to sue for custody now Kay had not signed the divorce papers yet I was okay with that in 6 months I could petition the court for a divorce anyway but the custody suit pissed me off because she was suing for full custody I had already told her father I was willing to eventually work up to 50/50 its custody but her mother blew that out of the water I responded with a request for full custody on the grounds of mental defect really I was

ready to rumble I was pissed and needed an outlet this was it on the day of the custody hearing my lawyer said her attorney had come to him with a request Kay wanted to speak to me in private I said no he said it might be an offer I relented but wanted it in the hallway outside the courtroom in full view of both attorneys but where they could not hear what was being said they agreed she started out with small talk asked how me and our son were doing I said great in getting better every

day she asked about my school I told her I passed and graduation was next week she was happy about that she looked down and asked if she could come and see me walk I said my graduation was for my family and friends and she was neither so no I really hurt her with that we had worked hard together for the majority of our time together to accomplish that and me saying no showed that she could not share it with me she said please and I told her again no I said it's special to me it

didn't matter enough to you when you let someone use you like trash I was really becoming a huge aole and I wanted to hurt her she teared up turned around and walked back to her attorney the hearing started I got up and testified nothing unusual mother-in-law got up and put all the blame on me said I was seeing someone and it drove my wife crazy no proof of that but she was never one to care about truth she also claimed I had assaulted my wife by grabbing her and throwing her on the hood of the

car the night she left then it was my wife's turn Kay began answering questions from her lawyer but stopped after about the third one she asked the judge if she could say something he told her she might want to confer with her attorney first but she declined he said go ahead here's my wife's words from her notebook I remember how sad I was after the hearing started I listened to G give his side of the story and how he had taken care of Jay our son all these weeks I needed to make this right I

sat there listening to my mama and I knew she was lying to protect me but it was just another lie on top of a lie I had enough I had to fix this k then stated that she wanted to apologize to my parents who were in the room she also apologized to her own parents she looked at me and said she knew that right now I hated her more than anyone in the world she said everything that happened was her fault and at this point she just wanted to salvage anything she could of what we

had together even if it was only to get me to be able to look at her without disgust she then told the judge she wanted to withdraw her claim and would adhere to any custody arrangement I saw fit to offer I conferred with my attorney and we offered supervised 1-hour visits for 6 weeks with him staying with her every other weekend after that if there were no problems we adjourned looking back I think that is when I saw a small Ray of possibility we could be nicer to each other not reconcile but at least be

cordial the schedule worked fine after the third week we were spending that visitation time with just her me and our son it usually extended to 3 or 4 hours I was not friendly but I really enjoyed watching my son play with his mom it helped them both the only negative incident happened during the fifth visit she came up behind me and hugged my right arm I was watching our son play I freaked out I yelled at her to never touch me ever again she hugged our son and left quickly the next week we just acted

as though nothing happened and she kept her distance another month passed and we were talking more about day-to-day issues I had a new job that was paying more and she had begun nursing school she'd begun to tell me that the janitor was calling her and would not leave her alone she claimed she wanted to be honest with me in case I heard she had told him to leave her alone but he still showed up at her parents house one night father-in-law threatened to kill him if he didn't leave her alone I told her I did

not care who she slept with anymore she said she was not sleeping with with anyone and never would until she knew that we could never put our family back together I told her it was never going to happen 6 months after our separation I brought up the fact that she needed to sign the divorce papers she said no I reminded her I did not need her to sign them but it would be easier if she would she asked if she could come by the house that night so we could talk and if I still wanted

a divorce she would sign them that night I agreed she showed up with these notebooks the little black composition notebooks that look like a book she told me she started writing down the things the day after she got the divorce papers she does not know why but it seemed to help she said she wrote everything she could remember about what had happened in as much detail as she could she wanted me to read it but warned me it would hurt bad she wrote about what she said and did with the janitor I really did not

want to read it she said she knew she was taking a risk but she had to do something to make me understand why she was trying to save our marriage so I read it she was right it was hard the sex part was not really detailed it was described in general terms but what she said about me and our marriage to him damn that got deep the book I read that night also chronicled her mental breakdown the writing was jumbled and unorganized but every day it got better and better she eventually began to dissect what

she had said and done it was her therapy one funny passage was when she described an insane conclusion she came to and was convinced it would set all things right you see she remembered she never had an orgasm with the guy never if she did not come then that meant she did not enjoy it therefore she did nothing wrong and I would have to take her back she believed that until she explained it to her dad much to his discomfort and he told her it did not work that way reading the book did not change

my mind but it scared me I was still concerned about her mental state until I read what and how she wrote during those two weeks I did not realize how fragile her mind had gotten I agreed to give it some more time this gave her the courage to start pushing me to right she would sit down write a letter or something about what had happened and she would then get a better sense of how to help me I thought about this and I knew I was still messed up pretty bad and that made me at

least think it would help me move on and still have some type of healthy relationship down the road her writing therapy as I called it evolved into this we would meet two nights a week our first assignment would be to write down where we saw the state of our marriage prior to dday at the meeting we would exchange letters and make notes we would then put our questions in writing and ask them to the other person we would talk until each question was fully answered and go to the next one if we did not finish

then we would extend those questions to the next meeting the rules were simple answer honestly no yelling and no declining to answer any question we started with an analysis of our pre- D-Day marriage and went through each subsequent day until the Sunday I spoke with her father after she received the divorce papers after that we would re-evaluate and go from there I will say I was a complete dick about this I answered questions honestly except for one more on that later but I used it to humiliate her I made her repeat over and over the

bad things she said to him about me I made her give excruciating details about the sexual contact she bed sometimes but she always went through with it while it was really vanilla compared to what she and I did when we were together it hurt honestly I thought I could handle it because I was really not interested in getting back together but it was really bad to hear it it's hard to believe how cruel I had become but again in my mind it was justified at the time after about a month of this I had to

admit it helped me some she proposed moving back in and trying the next step I said no she really begged and offered a good argument for it but I said no I told her even if I wanted to reconcile there was no way I could be intimate with her again she was okay with that and I said I could go outside the marriage while she stayed faithful that's not me so no after another month I relented but laid down some rules the rules were non-negotiable and said and Stone first she had to sleep in the

spare room second absolutely no physical contact at all third she kept her money in her checking account but I handled her Banking and gave her checks to pay her bills including rent for the room expenses and money to spend this was due to the fact that she had given the janitor $300 out of our savings account a week before D-Day plus I thought she would say no and not move in fourth her mother was not to come into my home until we decided to reconcile I was still pissed at her still am a little fifth

all prior custody agreements were to automatically kick in if we did not reconcile sixth if I found someone else she had one week to move out she agreed and moved in it was harder than I thought I no longer had that cooling down period between the times I saw her she was there all the time I started small fights all the time said hateful things to her I wanted her out almost immediately after she moved back in I had to do something so we implemented Thursday night fight night this came out of the meetings we

had where we were writing every Thursday night after the kid was asleep we would sit in the living room discuss things that we were having issues with or any arguments that were still ongoing those had to be settled on Thursday night before bed and could not go any further we actually still had a version of this today it evolved into simply asking over dinner if we had anything to talk about that night the kids never knew where it came from or really what it was I was still being difficult I threw her aair at her

every chance I could she took it in stride and never engaged when it got to that point I would say I was emotionally abusive to her but she was strong she knew that we were meant to be and since she destroyed our lives she had to build it back on her own until I saw what she saw and joined her and she was committed to giving me the time I needed 6 months after she moved back in I had my own breakthrough after a particularly hard day of one trigger after another I had locked myself

in the bedroom I just could not do it any longer my wife came to the door knocked and quietly said you need to talk I will be out here when you think you can and I heard her slide down the door sit on the floor and lean her back against the door for an hour she sat there it was almost midnight when I opened the door she asked me if she could come in I told her no and said let's go to your room we went to her room and she sat on the bed and

I sat in a chair and I finally told her what had happened after I kicked her out the night I found out about the affair flash back to the evening of dday after she drove off I spent a lot of time in my son's room just watching him sleep I went into my desk and retrieved the checkbook and my bill Ledger and took them along with a copy of the life insurance policy and put them in plain sight on the kitchen table I went took a shower I then went into the bedroom and got my

shotgun down from the Shelf in the closet and laid it on the bed I dressed in a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt tucked my shirt tail in and all combed my hair I have no idea how long I sat there I then got up unloaded the gun and put it back back stripped off my clothes and went to bed unfortunately I think this type of thing enters into many betrayed spouse's Minds I explained to her that that was the only thing I had held back during our recovery for the first time I allowed

her to hug me and kiss me on the forehead something other than a goodbye or see you later it was the first emotional touch I had allowed her to have with me I told her I forgave her that night but I did not mean it it was a number of months later before I actually meant it but saying the words then cracked the door open for me after that physical touch increased slowly holding hands a kiss goodbye a hug Etc these began to be more normal occurrences in our relationship sex was not happening but we

were headed that way and eventually almost a year after she moved in we finally were intimate I think this was our historical bonding time she was still journaling and according to her we had sex 32 times in 2008 days later we were talking and she told me that until that night we had sex she woke up every morning thinking today would be our last day together she kept telling herself just one more day she knew me well enough to know that sex meant I was rebounding today we have a good marriage both successful in our

careers we have three grown children they do not know about any of this as far as we know no plans to tell them but no plans to lie if they ask we both changed a lot my wife is a lot stronger and wiser she looks back on this as an unnecessary evil that she caused but she successfully overcame I sometimes think she still punishes herself for it for my part it does not come up in discussions or arguments at all hasn't in over 20 years she's very perceptive and more often than not she recognizes when

I experience a trigger and yes they do still happen maybe once or twice a year they are Swift and short but they sting usually she will grab my hand and hold it sometimes she will hug me and say I love you or simply thank you I lost some of the good in myself I hold a lot of my feelings back and deal with them myself while I try to support her emotional needs she knows I will not be be her emotional tampon anymore it's her job to let me know what the issue is and put

forth a plan to fix it which I will help to implement I love her I had to learn to love her again it's different more realistic but intense nonetheless as I said earlier I feel I had to lose a part of the good in me so she can become a better person and at this point in my life I am good with that I hope this helps someone every situation is different but this worked for us and I'm thankful for that I'm not preaching reconciliation I am preaching self handle yourself fix what you have control

of not what you can't do what benefits you and your situation be selfish to a point then see about becoming a we again in a marriage or relationship later Google The Serenity Prayer no truer words have ever been written in my opinion and remember the sub is surviving infidelity you're reading about the worst days of our lives in marriage there are many greater happier Memories We have created that far outweigh this tragedy I wish you all the best in this journey you do win on the other side of the pain if you put forth the

effort for yourself thanks so much for being open and honest with us op it's not often we hear of stories like this where people are open to bearing it all embracing the very worst of themselves and willing to Crawl Through the flames to get out on the other side a completely different person you and your wife went through The Inferno it felt nice to read her perspective through at all as we rarely hear from the cheater in these cases I think it's quite common for cheaters to blame their partners for for their own actions because

it's easier to blame someone else than really take a look inside and as for how you were treating your wife that's valid when we're hurt and hurting we want to hurt others we Harbor that hurt it's easier to hold on to the hate and the hurt than it is to forgive update it's hard to believe it's been so long ago that I posted this I stepped away from this account because I read so much trolling privately by people that are so hardcore against reconciliation and I get it many who reached out for after I posted

were quickly informed I don't recommend reconciliation it's hard it's difficult it's painful but if you can do it under the right conditions it has its own rewards I just wanted to let everyone know we are still married we now have grandkids and if you know you know it's a completely different type of love my wife is semi-retired and works PRN now meaning when needed when she wants I continue to work full-time but we find a lot of time to travel I don't remember the last time I had a trigger maybe about 3 years ago and

only because our oldest found out about my wife's Affair through a vindictive relative that lives a very lonely life my wife handled it with such Grace and humility that I think it affected me in a way that I have finally just moved on completely she apologized for the pain she caused me and we both explained that it was in the past that any issue he has with it we would help him but cautioned him that ultimately it was between us and fell under things that were our business it has not appeared to have had any

effect on their relationship though she was extremely embarrassed that's about it we wish all of you going through this pain the best now let's check in with the comments first one says and none of this would have happened if you didn't act like a man at the beginning and didn't throw her out like a piece of trash a cheater needs to be hit by reality like a truck otherwise he or she stays forever in his or her delusional Wonderland where nothing is their fault many people here should learn this lesson vop replies honestly I did

it to more gain control of myself in the weeks looking back after her admitting to the affair it was easier to make decisions regarding my son my finances my life in general all without giving one hoot in Hell how it affected her that was huge also by the time she was ready to try to fix things it was truly on her to make it right she spent a long time with one foot out the door before I truly accepted her back another commenter says this is really beautiful thank you for sharing it we all differ

in the details and in how we choose to go forward but I think we have many of the same thoughts and feelings and it's really good just to know that at least you're not the only one I would wish this on anyone ever but at least we can use the pain to strengthen each other I'm sorry you were hurt but I'm glad you found your way here that janitor guy though what a piece of crap one more comment I'm in the midst of the fresh torment of infidelity we weren't married but this was going to

be it for me she seems so lost right now and making horrible decisions after horrible decisions I can't help her I have to step back what you wrote gave me such a great piece about doing what I have to do that and many tears thank you for sharing your story of redemption I'm so happy for your happy ending peace be to you and the love of your life 6 years update sad news for me and my family 3 weeks ago my former Wayward wife passed away she battled colon cancer for 6 months and passed away

with all of us by her bedside in the home we built four years ago to spend our retirement in she was only 18 months into her retirement when diagnosed I do not have the ability to explain the loss it's beyond anything I've experienced even that pain that we all experienced in this community has betrayed loved ones she spent our remaining years after our reconciliation making up for the pain she caused and succeeding in a spectacular fashion I miss her our kids miss her but I'm here for a reason T wrote a letter to me in

her final days she instructed our pastor to give it to me after the funeral when he felt the time was right I read this letter 3 days ago and I want to share the passage from that letter to all of you that have read our story and gotten any type of good from that post it illustrates our need as the Betrayed to forgive and those that betray and are truly remorseful that they too suffer longterm for their betrayal quote I feel a lot of physical pain right now as you know but my faith makes me

see what's to come and the pain Fades some pain has a way of making one turn inward and I have been looking inward a lot in these past weeks sometimes I think I deserve the pain because of what I did to you did to us so many years ago but then you pick me up and Place me in my chair and help me eat you bathe Me Hold My Hand play your guitar while I lose myself in my memories I realize this pain is a gift it's allowing me to experience the essence of Love at

its purest form your true forgiveness for what I did because only true love and forgiveness is reflected in your actions as you take care of me I love you so much end quote there was a lot more but I wanted to share this with the community and thank you for being in our lives however tangential and I love you too one quick comment or sums it up I think I'm sorry for your loss we're so sorry to hear for your loss op thank you for taking us on this journey with the two of you and

for giving those who are going through the same hell a little glimpse of hope you are a great man and we hope that people can find solace in your words and bravery we will keep you and your family in our thoughts wishing you peace and comfort send up your love and light in the comments below and thank you for joining us today be sure to like And subscribe and hit that notification Bell so you don't miss out on our next video until next time