My Cheating Wife Is Begging Me To Save Her From Homelessness, But I Ghosted Her Instead.

my cheating wife is begging me to save her from homelessness but I ghosted her instead so my wife is 31 and I am 30 we met when we were 15 and 16 in 2006 and got married right before I joined the army in 2015 we have two kids 9 and 10 I hurt my back in the Army and I am tdiu which I use to pay the bills since we moved in together I've always paid the bills she has gotten jobs several times for 1 to 6 months at a time but never anything consistent she

got a new job again 2 months ago and this is the highest paying job she's ever had $21 an hour with all the overtime she wants back in September of 2021 we went to a Kia dealership and I co-signed for her a car for $24,000 just recently I financed her an Apple watch for Mother's Day I don't care about the money at all but I'm just like how out of nowhere this is she worked from September to October at that last job and ended up unable to pay her car payment so I took over paying

her car and her insurance I wanted her to either get a job or start school and after I helped her get set up with school she found her current job so she started working again we made a 3-month plan to get to July 1st and be back ahead of the car payment again for the last 6 weeks she's been constantly at work like working a double that's 16 hours so she's really only been here to sleep she came home 6 days ago and said she wants to move out but stay married and she live somewhere

else while the kids and I stay here when I tried to talk to her about working it out and ask her to stay she said that it's toxic at home and she just wants to focus on herself she learned to be happy without me and maybe down the line we could try to work on it when I pressed her on details of what she means about things she's like well we can get divorced and won't do counseling she's leaving and says she loves me and that I'm a great dad but she's not in love with

me I don't know how to process that I love her so much it hurts and I can't understand just not loving her anymore instead she says we don't have things in common and how we met when we were young and we so codependent she mentioned that maybe down the line we could work something out and move in together again somewhere else but she won't come back to this house she just says it's a toxic environment and complains about it being dirty or not up to her standard of clean but I do my best the house

gets clean top to bottom two to four times a week it's just that when she was a stay-at-home mom she would clean every day and think of stuff I don't like wiping down the back of the toilet and all the surfaces of the bathrooms every time I'm fine to do whatever it just would take me practice to get as good as her but it's like she's so Hy hypocritical of me and when I point out good things she's just like it's a lot of things and doesn't want to try and work on anything at all

right now though we are still living together I just don't get why we can't do counseling or at least try to work on us but I guess if she doesn't love me then she would have nothing to gain from counseling I'm heartbroken she was my best friend and we have literally spent the last 16 years planning our future together she's just like oh well I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore which hurts super bad and makes me want to die but I'm not going to do anything she can't move for at

least another month and I'm supposed to just sit here and hold it all together for the kids it's been really hard cleaning the whole house and making sure the kids are taken care of it's like I'm just suddenly a single dad we were doing really well and then I had a flare up with my back and couldn't really walk for the last 20 days but I'm finally coming out of it so I am getting more movement but she came home and told me she doesn't love me after I was coming out of the flare up

so for the last 6 days I've been effed off off I keep crying thinking about our life and it's giving me headaches I also tested positive for Co yesterday and I'm feeling really crap from that too my family and friends all live in Portland and other states and I'm up in Tacoma Washington near Fort Lewis I was fine not being around everyone because I had my wife but now I don't know what to do I can't sleep and when I do I have nightmares and sweat like crazy I miss her so much it hurts I

can't function I just want to shut down but I've got to keep going and and I just don't understand how she can just be like oh by the way I'm just not in love with you anymore I bought a bunch of healthy food and told the kids we were going to start exercising consistently again but I'm lonely as hell I wish she would just be like oh yeah my meds were all way off I don't know why I said that I don't love you I really miss her and I guess I'm just posting this as

a way of attempting to process the situation additional info the kids are staying with me she said she's getting a two-bedroom apartment so they can visit her on the weekends I'm upset and feel blindsided and I have covid right now so I feel like extra super crap on top of it all but I agree I need to just move forward and focus on what's best for the kids additional info I wanted to mention that she started taking higher and higher doses of Prozac over the last year and as she increased the dosage our sex life

died off she said it was a side effect of the medication and she would try to figure out if her doctor could do anything update so I asked her if she would show me her phone and she would not I asked her like three times to please just be honest with me I wouldn't be upset and that I'm already over it so she was like I'm only worried about myself the only person I'd want to be with would be you but I don't want to be with you anymore I was quiet and then she said

that the only thing I could even remotely be upset about was that she had a crush on a guy she works with but that she's pretty sure he has a girlfriend so it's whatever like this was a real conversation we just had I'm not going to lie when she said that it was like getting stabbed in the chest I felt confident in self and in keeping my composure after reading everyone's supportive responses all night but I wasn't prepared for her to say that you guys were right I Googled divorce lawyers and sent one my info

for a consultation she's upstairs laying down and I'm downstairs hanging out with the kids I felt so betrayed when she said she had a crush on some guy at work it's definitely 100% over and hopefully my sadness can turn into anger because this is BS and I don't deserve it the community has some responses al329 says sorry man it sucks if one side doesn't want to work on things then you can't force it maybe some time away will help her decide what she wants in that time you should go get mental health help you have

to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids boo w l F28 b23 says she is already seeing someone else buddy hit her with the divorce papers before she does this way you will have some control it's going to suck and hurt like hell but you'll survive and find someone who can appreciate you been there even better if you two can be civil and keep the money out of the lawyer Pockets The Only Winners in divorce are the loyers meanwhile you and your kids suffer ah I'm sorry op I feel

like her meds have something to do with this I think this might make sense of the fact that this seemed to have happened suddenly however that being said I think she is probably cheating on you there's too many unknowns and the fact that she wants her own space is probably to do with what she pleases as an entertain another man it sucks that she's willing to throw it all away despite all you've done for her and your history together there's definitely something unstable going on there update hello I made a post about my wife leaving

me and how I was lost and all of you commenting and talking with me has really really helped me get through the last two days as a lot of you said there was most likely someone else and you were right she wouldn't let me look at her phone but swore up and down she wasn't cheating I asked her to please just be honest and after pressing her on it she admitt aded she has a crush on a COO worker while I have been trying to get everything done as quickly as possible I closed our joint

account there wasn't any money in the account and I told her this morning that she needed to go to T-Mobile and start her own account I don't care about the phone I paid for but if she wants to keep her number she needs to go open an account and Port it over she seemed upset and when I asked what was up she said I was trying to screw her over MoneyWise I explained that it doesn't really cost much to take a phone you own and start your own account and I said that I want the

kids during the week my car the dog and the house and that she wants the cat her car and the kids on the weekend and to go rent her own apartment so if she's cool with it we can file an uncontested divorce as soon as possible but if she wants to contest it that's fine too I'm not asking for money from her to pay for it and I'll pay it with a loan I want her off my Deeds off my medical off my bills and anything else I told her I need the divorce papers to

remove her from those things and I want it done as soon as possible I told her she would have to change her name herself I can't do that for her she started crying not super hard and asked what changed from last week I told her that even if she can't see it she's having an emotional affair with her co worker that she had a crush on she got super defensive and stated that she doesn't even talk to him like that and that they are not even friends and that I will regret my actions in 6

months insinuating that we would try to get back together after she will have worked on herself or whatever all I said was hopefully by then I can find someone who actually loves me and and I walked out of the room as she was saying something else she just kept trying to say she wasn't cheating and that she just wants to go work on herself and that I'm so stupid for thinking she's pursuing anyone she's like oh I don't want to be with anyone I didn't say this but I thought yeah well I need a wife

and a partner I can count on I didn't engage I just said what I needed to say and left am I doing this right it's really really hard to stay strong as a big part of me still loves her no matter what I say but I can't reconcile those feelings with the feeling of betrayal I just want her gone as quickly as possible now and she's acting like she won't be able to afford to move on the 1st of July now why is she trying to switch it up I'm sure at this point it's a

manipulative tactic to give herself some security and peace of mind regarding the situation I don't know the community knows ravenous Fringe says get a lawyer uncontested doesn't mean blind curly ass Fez you're correct on all fronts she wanted her own place so she could potentially screw her co worker good luck man Rifleman lack says I have a crush on a co worker that's how it starts the info comes out like a little crack in the dam if you keep pressing it'll be we only went out to dinner once then we kissed after dinner but I

didn't mean to he just leaned into me people just never want to admit everything all at once MC shamster says it's called trickle truth just a little bit of Truth at a time just enough to Plate you so you're not mad anymore then when you get mad again they trickle a little more truth out it's especially true as you discover one of the lies and they admit only to the lie and hide the rest you're absolutely doing this right op there's no way you can keep providing for her when she's doing what she's doing you

need to protect yourself and your kids she's using you she's trying to have her cake and eat it too no way no longer no more free rides if she wants to focus on herself and she's learned to be happy on her own then she needs to provide for herself simple as that what are your thoughts update I filed for divorce this morning I have a lawyer my wife sent me the following this morning I don't know why you're acting like this you're trying to build a case against me one minute and want it to be

cordial the next O'Keefe and I have only been talking to each other for the last two weeks I have been fully single for much longer than that so don't try to act like I'm doing anything wrong so that you can feel like the victim somehow I'm sorry crap didn't work out we were both at fault and I wish it could have worked out differently but now I'm just trying to be the best me and figure out how to be happy she started working at this place on May 1st and as of June 5th she was

telling me she didn't love me and wanted to move out and work on herself after asking her to please do counseling and work on saving our marriage 5 days later she admitted to having a crush on a guy at work but that nothing would happen and he had a girlfriend today just barely over two months of working there she sent me the above message she keeps saying that her deciding to leave me and then her talking to this guy are separate she blew up her 16-year marriage in a matter of 2 months but says she

started talking to this guy 2 weeks ago ago there's a lot more context in my POS hisory I don't think I'm acting like a victim she makes Promises to the kids that she doesn't keep she doesn't pay anything toward bills or rent or food and leaves messes after herself she's supposedly moving out next week but she changes things every day is she trying to manipulate me I don't understand how she can try and act like she is taking The High Ground And I'm just in a hole who is trying to be a victim thank you

more Community comments which board friend says notice what she said and did didn't say she said that nothing would happen because he had a girlfriend not because she was married and faithful you can bet that she was talking to him well before to sound him out at the very least probably more besides when she says that she's only been talking with him for the last two weeks that's a euphemism and you're right her continued contact isn't helpful just talk through lawyers now and let the divorce industry Machinery do what it does best oh you aren't

a victim you're a Survivor there's a big difference a deleted us says she's playing her cards and waiting until she either gets an okay it's clear from him or until she finds something better I understand 16 years is a long time but don't waste any more time on someone who tells you they don't love you anymore because even if you try to move on with them you will question every single time that they tell you that they love you a small part of you will always doubt them and rightfully so you deserve better and someone

who cleans up after themselves and takes care of responsibilities she's totally spiraling and you need to get out out of there and make responsible decisions to protect yourself and your kids you're not just an a-hole playing the victim she's definitely manipulating you and even gaslighting You by making it seem like you're the crazy one for accusing her of infidelity they do this so you doubt yourself stay strong do you think she's trying to manipulate OPI update so 2 weeks prior to July 6th would be June 22nd so while we were still married and living together

the entire time she started dating this guy 19 days after telling me she just wanted to move out and work on herself but we could stay married am I wrong for thinking this is messed up that it's all so close together she keeps telling me I'm trying to be a victim and that she didn't cheat because we haven't been together in a long time I literally took her out to dinner on Mother's Day in May and bought her an Apple Watch I have bad sciatica in my leg and hip she won't let me sleep in

my bed that I specifically bought to deal with my pain I got really upset this morning because I had a very hard time sleeping last night and she woke me up going to use my Amazon account to check on an order she made she said she wanted to know if her sunglasses had shown up I tried to just check it and go back to sleep but when I checked the account on June 22nd she had ordered a sexy school girl outfit and it just hurt I thought I was being strong but seeing that cut deep

comment Thrill of the gorilla chimes in I don't know why you feel you're not allowed to stand up for yourself not sure why you're tolerating such treatment but you'll feel a lot better about yourself when you stop putting up with her BS if I'm in your shoes she would be getting served divorce papers and a heartbeat like zero hesitation update help deciding what to do about ex-wife basically she was just served yesterday and called the school to see how many absences the kids have had so far they have missed four to 5 days since the

start because they got sick I just left the school and they changed the absences to excused the kids are back in school but today my ex sent this via text I would like to see the environment my kids are living in if you can't let me come look I will have an official come do a welfare check on them I'm concerned about their health I said What specifically are you asking for she replied I ask the same when they go to friends houses I have a right to see how they are living and that it's

healthy and safe for them if you can't do a video walkthrough with me at the very least then I have no option but to have someone else check on them I'm not judging I don't care how you live I only care about their health my daughter was sick throwing up but she's all better now my son has asthma and has an upper respiratory infection he's taking meds for it and has been using his inhaler I think the smoke in the air agitated his breathing there have been fires lately and the air quality has been lower

than usual I feel like this is just her trying to find a way to exert control over me and stress me out because she is mad that I asking for child support my house is clean but I'd like to feel like I'm doing the right thing by telling her that no she is not going to invade my privacy like that if an official shows up I'm not worry about anything they would see I think she's trying to manipulate me into to doing what she wants any advice is greatly appreciated Bell 17 starts off this round

of comments get a lawyer advice mate seriously we don't know the laws of where you live get the advice of a lawyer about custody and her rights Etc I think she doesn't have the right to demand a visit but like she said she could make a demand or maybe she will make a false report and then maybe having a visit from Child Services would look bad on your file for future custody Arrangements but I don't know talk to a lawyer or at least read the laws when it comes to parental rights and custody Miss Jingles

adds get your lawyer involved she is not entitled to access your home she has no right or authority don't do it or she'll keep harassing you get a child custody app and cut all other contact you may have to file harassment against her to protect yourself and your children she's just trying to hit you where it hurts stay strong what do you make of op sex's Behavior update advice regarding my wife and her action requests update for anyone interested my lawyer advised me that I should not provide her with the social security card information thank

you all for the support hello awesome people thank you for taking the time to look at my situation feel free to check my profile for additional context my wife was cheating with a co worker and I found out over the month of June on August 15th she finally moved out after causing so much chaos I have been trying to focus on the kids and myself get us all into counseling and just support them as best I can while trying to navigate this awful situation I have a lawyer my wife has been served I sent my

lawyer an email today asking if I should give my wife what she is asking for but she hasn't gotten back to me and at this point I doubt she will before Monday so if you're still here thank you for your time and here's what I'm actually looking for advice about she wants me to send her the kid Social Security number so she can get rental assistance she says she's broke and needs the kids numbers to get rental assistance I'm apprehensive to give her the information because I don't understand how she has no money or how

she can say she has the kids for rental assistance when they've only been to her apartment twice I'm worried she actually has money and is trying to get rental assistance so she can use her paycheck to get a lawyer or that she is going to try and claim the kids on taxes when she hasn't supported them at all or she may be trying to do some other fraudulent thing with them the kids don't live with her she moved out on August 15th and has seen the kids four times only once overnight the kids just told

me today that when they stayed the night her boyfriend was there she doesn't know that they told me but I have made it extremely clear that I do not want the kids around this guy and even the kids have told her that they would rather spend time with just her below is her text message exchange regarding the issue I need you to call me as soon as possible I need you to send me pictures of the kids social security cards so that I can prove that I have children in order to get assistance with my

rent for October I need this as soon as possible today please or even just the number please James I can see that you're getting my messages is there a reason you're not responding I need the kids social security numbers even if you want primary custody I want neither information as their other parent why are you ignoring this I'm trying to maintain my place to live I will send you money today but I need to get a hold of you in order to do that I'm extremely sick I will look into it and get back to

you I'll have an answer for you tomorrow by 3:00 p.m. I don't understand what there is to answer you have their cards I just need the numbers so I can get financial assistance for October before I'm given an eviction this is a very time-sensitive matter why didn't you pay your rent when you got paid on the 5th the money my check was very small there wasn't overtime for September we got financial assistance in March I tried to get it again in June and July but was denied and told it's only available once per year how

are you 20 days into October and haven't paid your rent I'm sorry but I really don't understand you make more per month than I do have fewer expenses but somehow you're always working and always broke I don't understand like I said I'll let you know at the latest 3:00 p.m. tomorrow I had to protect myself and the kids so I need you to just give me 20 hours I have had no extra overtime I have never gotten assistance and have pay stubs and Bill invoices that show that I'm struggling this month I'm on the verge

of eviction and working with a program to prevent that I don't understand why you're holding our children's Social Security numbers from me I've never given you a reason to distrust my intentions with them I'm not asking for legal advice I'm asking for opinions she keeps calling and texting me over and over asking me to send her pictures of the cards I want to tell her to kick rocks and ask her boyfriend for help I don't want to ever see or speak to her again but I continue to do so because of the kids any advice

is greatly appreciated advice from the community starts off with nights send two don't do it until your lawyer answers second I would personally have tipped my hand a tiny bit and told her that her boyfriend's spending the night with your kids this soon was absolutely a reason to doubt her intentions with the kids trust is earned and she opened up her account with a huge withdrawal before making any deposits Bob sham adds this definitely don't do anything until your lawyer confirms Etc this situation is very suspicious by the way all Communications regarding non-child care issues

should go through your lawyer in the future anything else should be ignored also no don't help her out it's not about being vindictive you've separated with the intention to divorce you're no longer responsible for her health and finances don't do it for the kids it's just another way for her to keep using and abusing you if she isn't trying to scam you but rather simply can't be financially responsible too bad so sad then she's not a safe good mother you should seek sole custody ulture 3935 says you're asking for legal advice first advice given is

to take or secure all legal documents including birth certificates passports and social security cards please stop doing the back and forth over text you are in an adversarial divorce do nothing until you hear from your lawyer response we're in the process of a divorce and I must run this P my attorney first I will let you know the answer Monday end of text period go back and forth about where she spent her money you know where and with whom she spent her money the op replies additional info I've already blocked her everywhere else this conversation

took place over a co parenting app I'm not hiding the social security cards she moved and didn't care to get copies of important documents and is now asking me to provide her copies don't give in you're not responsible for her anymore she's had a free ride up until this point and she needs to learn how to manage her funds she needs to learn how to be responsible for her actions she did this to herself what are your final thoughts thank you for joining us today on like And subscribe and hit that notification Bell so you

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