You' been uh talking somewhat about Donald Trump hard not to these days what's your opinion about President Trump oh sweet Jesus well you know it's like everyone's waiting for this moment for him to become presidential you know they're like oh he has to learn how to control his emotions he has to learn to be measured uh you know but that the man is 70 years old those are things that you teach kids you know I'm teaching my seven-year-old those things you know Trump is 70 he's not going to learn that now you know if if
he's a dick he's just going to be a dick that's it okay so you speaking of big mouth kids Donald Trump remember him well you're not going to believe this but he said something crazy according to a new tell all book back in 2019 Trump told his chief of staff and I quote Hitler did a lot of good things hold on Wanda Sykes just dropped a comedy nuke on Melania and let's just say Trump is probably rage tweeting into a microwave right now what did she say and how bad was it stay tuned because this
roast is hotter than Trump's tanning bed dialed to extra crispy let's dive in Jimmy I'm a black woman and a lesbian how the hell you think I'm doing what's your opinion of why it went this way why Americans voted the way they sometimes America is just going to America you know I mean it's so many reasons why you could say you know it happened but I think you know a lot of us aren't like totally shocked you know but it's like okay you you know you get your hopes up and you think you move forward
and uh and honestly you know I blame those damn uh like uh uh Cheerio commercials and showing all those interracial couples you scared to to white people like what before we move on smash that like button and subscribe because you know you don't want to miss out on this one and just when people thought Melania had perfected the art of gracefully avoiding responsibility Along Came Wanda Sykes armed with a microphone and absolutely no chill because let's be real being first lady usually comes with a little effort a little passion maybe even a single genuine emotion
Melania she walked through the roll like a department store mannequin that accidentally got left outside during a parade I don't find funeral is funny but here's a story about a funeral that I found hilarious because this funeral had Donald Trump and that guy can turn anything but let's not pretend that she didn't have her moments that White House Christmas decor a haunted forest straight out of a Tim Burton fever dream every hallway looked like it was sponsored by the Ghost of Christmas trauma back then she insisted she was all about kindness and standing up to
bullies meanwhile she was married to the walking talking embodiment of an Internet comment section gone Rogue if there was ever a time to put those values into action it was every single day yet there she was standing off to the side like a mysterious movie villain with a questionable accent watching the chaos unfold in stiletto silence it's that noise noral that I know that I'm smarter than the [Applause] president that's not normal come on in the Muller investigation how does he not know that he's individual number one and speaking of jobs Wanda couldn't resist pointing
out the most baffling part of melania's entire tenure did she even want to be there from swatting Trump's hand away like it carried a contagious tax fraud charge to looking visibly exhausted every time she had to stand next to him for more than 3 minutes it was like watching a woman forced to cosplay enthusiasm imagine trying to launch a be best campaign while your husband is out there typing in all caps like a boomer discovering Facebook for the first time but the real gold mine the mystery of her accent somehow it thickened with every speech
I knew as not like he wasn't you know was going to stop being a liar I knew that was going to continue right I knew I mean so what what I did was uh instead of focusing on specific incidents or or specific policy it was more about um Us and how we're behaving and how we're not reacting in my in my opinion you know normally towards what's happened with what to to what he's doing you know by the end of four years she sounded like she was auditioning for a role in a cold war spy
Thriller and those speeches let's just say theft is a crime unless you're lifting entire paragraphs from Michelle Obama in which case apparently it's just appreciation Wanda wasn't just roasting Melania she was solving a national mystery why did she always look like she was seconds away from jumping into an escape tunnel why did she pick Christmas decorations that scream blood sacrifice three red cranberry covered trees lining the East colonade had some critic seeing red or at least seeing Car Wash brushes or seeing the women from the handmaid's tail with their bonnets we in 21st century and
everybody has a different taste I think they look fantastic I hope everybody will come over and visit it um in real life they look even more more beautiful and you all very welcome to visit the White House the people's house and most importantly was she actively blinking in Morse code for help because if the answer to that last one was yes then America may have just ignored the first ever hostage situation in the White House meanwhile Trump watching this all unfold probably reacted the way he always does when someone dares to mock him by going
full toddler tantrum picture flying objects a meltdown in all caps and a long incoherent rant about how he's the most unfairly treated man on Earth somewhere in the distance a McDonald's bag trembled but Melania she responded the only way she knew how by saying absolutely nothing because when in doubt just vanish into the Shadows wait for the new cycle to move on and pretend none of this ever happened it's a strategy it's a Vibe and honestly it might be her most impressive achievement yet Wanda didn't just roast Melania she came for the whole Trump Empire
and let's just say there were no survivors the crowd barely had time to breathe before she pivoted because why stop at Melania when the human tantrum machine himself was right there lurking in the shadows of his self-inflicted irrelevance our first guest tonight is an emmy-winning writer actor and comedian who has been very amusingly annoyed for well over three decades new episodes of her show the upshaws are on Netflix now please welcome Wanda [Applause] [Music] Sykes Q Trump a man whose ego is more fragile than a soap bubble in a hurricane watching this unfold like a
rejected contestant from The Apprentice you could almost hear the distant cries of unfair unfair because if there's one thing he despises more than an unpaid invoice it's a joke at his expense and Wanda she had plenty the handholding issue oh that was just the warm-up Wanda dug into his legendary inability to accept rejection which let's face it was on full display every time Melania expertly dodged his grasp like a seasoned running back the audience erupted as she painted the picture Trump reaching for her hand like a desperate car salesman Melania sidest stepping like she just
spotted a buy one get one free deal on divorce lawyers and then the real Masterpiece his obsession with loyalty here's a guy who demands absolute devotion from everyone politicians AIDS the White House landscapers the Flies buzzing around his tanning bed yet somehow his own wife looked like she was actively plotting her Escape Wanda made it clear even a billionaire can't buy enthusiasm after the election I was I was going around consoling people I said guys look on the bright side look at this I was telling everybody it's going to be okay it's going to be
okay I was like I am certain this is not the first time we've elected a racist sexist homophobic president this he ain't the first one he's just the first confirmed one that's it you the roast only intensified his love affair with golden Furniture his inability to handle umbrellas the fact that his tweets read like an angry Yelp review from a man who just discovered microwaves can't cook steak nothing was off limits at this point the audience was crying with laughter while somewhere a former president was crying into a bucket of KFC oh and the post
roast meltdown predictable AIDS scrambling Fox News crafting emergency monologues Twitter lighting up like a Christmas tree in July somewhere an intern had to remind him no you can't sue someone just for making fun of you and Wanda unbothered cashed her check sipped her tea and left Trump and Melania to battle it out in the world's most awkward game of who actually wanted this marriage somewhere in the depths of Mara Lago an iPhone screen was taking a severe beating the Tweet drafts glorious the typos unhinged the caps lock screaming Wanda Sykes had struck a nerve and
Trump was flailing like a toddler who just found out the McDonald's ice cream machine is broken but I really have to say the media is even more biased this year than ever before ever you want the proof Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it it's fantastic they think she's absolutely great my wife Melania gives the exact same speech and people get on her case the Tantrum wasn't just emotional it was logistical AIDS scrambling advisor sweating someone trying to figure out if there was a legal loophole to deport standup commedians could they be labeled
as a national security threat an emergency meeting was called the agenda damage control before he rage tweeted himself into another lawsuit then came the most presidential response possible a rant so incoherent that even spell Che gave up he called Wanda not funny said she had zero talent and threw in something about ratings meanwhile Wanda was probably kicking back with a glass of wine watching the chaos unfold like it was the season finale of a reality show she wasn't even starring it but this wasn't just about a joke it was about ego the man built like
an expired cheese puff could handle a government shutdown but a well-timed roast absolutely not he could ignore a pandemic but not a comedian with a microphone and good material and the fact that it was coming from a black woman with a razor sharp wit oh the Injustice the horror the absolute tragedy Melania meanwhile played her role flawlessly stoic distant and looking like she was contemplating a long dramatic walk into the Atlantic Ocean from a young age my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life Rock and I
were raised with so many of the same values like you work hard for what you want in life that your word is your bond and you do what you say and keep your promise that you treat people with respect that your word is your bond that you do what you say you're going to do that you treat people with dignity and respect we want our children to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your somewhere deep down you had to wonder did she secretly find it funny did she for just
a moment consider dming Wanda with a simple LOL girl you wild we may never know but what we do know is that the internet took Wanda's joke and ran with it memes flooded in like a tsunami of pettiness a cleverly edited clip surfaced showcasing the infamous moment when a certain first lady swiftly dodged a handholding attempt now rebranded with a bold caption suggesting she was mere inches from Freedom another creative mind transformed the presidential residence into the backdrop of a dramatic reality show teaser slow motion glares suspenseful music the works for hours social media buzzed
with a trending phrase that painted the whole Saga as a high stakes Escape mission complete with plot twists and secret tunnels and Trump oh he tried to fight back he did the usual routine calling comedians washed up saying nobody watches late night TV anymore and reminding us that he won an election that he actually lost but here's the thing comedy doesn't care about approval ratings comedy doesn't lose lawsuits comedy doesn't get impeached twice my kids are being affected by what's happening in the country I remember the the night that that Trump was elect um the
next morning my kids were so depressed they I mean not depressed but they were just sad they were just really sad and and then like the next day I'm talking to my daughter and she's like really you know concerned I'm like Olivia what's going on and Wanda Sykes she doesn't lose battles so while Trump raged in all caps Wanda just kept winning and Melania well let's just say she was probably brushing up on Escape Routes just in case panic mode engaged staffers are sprinting through Mara Lago like It's the final lap of a reality show
elimination round someone anyone find his phone the last thing the world needs is an allcaps Twitter rant that reads like a toddler mashing a keyboard in frustration too late there it is riddled with typos unnecessary exclamation points and a level of victimhood that makes soap opera characters look emotionally stable meanwhile AIDS are in full crisis mode spinning in circles like malfunctioning roombas ah yes the classic Playbook blame the media shake a fist at the sky and pretend reality is just a deep fake conspiracy cooked up by internet Gremlins brilliant yes clearly it's a deep state
conspiracy orchestrated by comedians late night hosts and probably Michelle Obama for good measure something he doesn't even look presidential he doesn't look presidential he looks like he's doing an impersonation of a president he doesn't know what to do with his hands even the way he stands there just like and then there's Melania whose response is well whatever PR intern wrote it emotionless vague and somehow manages to say nothing while using way too many words something about respect something about tradition and of course the cherry on top a reminder that she's totally fine and totally not
blinking in Morse code for help behind the scenes Trump is pacing arms flailing screaming about how unfair it is that people can just say things about him advisor suggest calming down He suggests something about a new law Banning comedians because obviously democracy means only saying nice things about him then came the Trump Twitter meltdown a spectacle more predictable than a Hallmark Christmas movie all caps unnecessary exclamation points and the unmistakable scent of spray tan and Desperation AIDS scrambled to wrestle his phone away but not before he typed something so incoherent even autocorrect waved the White
Flag meanwhile Melania sightings became the internet's new favorite game was she blinking in code again had she finally tunned out of Mara Lago with a spoon Tik Tock detectives dissected every appearance like it was a lost episode of Unsolved Mysteries yeah Incredible Journey incredible story uh where I came from small town in Slovenia and then went to Milan Paris New York and you know you never know what can happen in life right we don't know the future we don't know what will happen next year so you know here we are would you have married Donald
Trump if you had a crystal ball that said he would be president huh that's a interesting question One Clip showed her swatting Trump's hand away again the slow motion replay instant meme material then came the damage control a classic act in the Trump circus a statement suspiciously formal dripping with carefully curated indifference she is fine that was it just fine the internet did not buy it Bots flooded the replies with suspicious enthusiasm Melania loves her husband very much but nothing could stop the Avalanche of # blink twice Melania jokes somewhere in a goldplated room Trump
raged not over the country's problems not over global crises no the real issue here was that a comedian had the audacity to tell a joke Furious calls were made could Wanda be sued deported launched into space someone suggested a strongly worded statement instead he settled for rage eating two Big Macs and yelling at the TV meanwhile Wanda she probably strolled through the chaos chuckled and ordered another cocktail because when the inter decides to clown not even a billion dooll ego can stop it and oh did he take it well of course not the man's skin
might be thick with layers of bronzer but his ego paper thin I never thought that I would need plastic surgery but Donald Trump has cracked my face I have permanent creases right here cuz I'm always that he'll say something I'm like the hell he and now I have a right here the middle of my forehead uh the moment Wanda's jokes hit it was def con one at Mara Lago AIDS scrambling advisers whispering in hushed tones someone desperately trying to pry his phone out of his hands before he rage posted something that read like a drunk
uncle's Facebook rant too late caps lock is engaged unhinged statements flying somewhere a lawyer sighed and poured a second drink meanwhile Melania silence not a peep Just A carefully worded statement that somehow managed to say absolutely nothing almost poetic really the art of looking concerned while doing the bare minimum she'd mastered it was she offended annoyed plotting an Escape Route via a secret Mara Lago tunnel no one knew but somewhere in a golden Ballroom a tiny violin played as Trump raged about unfairness while standing in a literal Palace you're not a trump fan then you
would say you're a trump fan I am so not a trump fan he annoys me his whole family annoys me matter of fact but let's be real Trump crying about being treated unfairly is like a fish complaining about water the man built his entire Persona on throwing insults like a toddler in a food fight but the second someone throws one back oh it's a crisis presidential meltdowns over jokes Tantrums over comedy specials it's almost impressive a billionaire behaving like a YouTube comment section in real time and Wanda still unbothered still hilarious probably somewhere sipping wine
watching the chaos unfold and thinking well that went exactly as planned