Tom Stoppard - Darkside

[Applause] look there is a train coming the signal must have failed it's speeding toward where the bridge got washed away in the flood it's certain that for those people on that train it's going in the river let me through I'm a moral philosopher why it's ethics man [Music] look he switched the points just in time nice work ethics man he diverted the Train onto the other track you saved their lives ethics I did what had to be done wait that's some kid standing on the other track he hasn't seen the train coming the train would fly it over him did you see him there ethics man I saw him son someday you'll understand hands up who thinks ethics man did the right thing hands up who thinks ethics man did the wrong thing hands up who didn't put their hand up mr. McCoy who was on the train we don't know who was on the train ethics man did what had to be done who wants to tell me ethics man's moral philosophy yes whispering who was the boy who got hit by the train there's no boy it's a thought experiment we imagine a problem by switching the points you've been sacrificing one person's life we can save many lives is it a moral action ethics man says yes ethics man is a utilitarian he says an action is a moral action only if the consequences are good he says the consequences are good if they increase the sum of human happiness we define happiness as a state of well-being starting off with being alive instead of dead [Music] [Music] [Music] you see [Music] Oh [Music] [Music] he did what had to be done didn't kid I'm sorry you're dead it's okay he didn't hurt it was a no-brainer for Ethics man just you against the trainload of people Wow yeah well you know about consequences you could have been the one who stops the glossy isn't melting or had kids it won Olympic gold if we're talking about happiness yeah I could've they could have stopped the glossiest melting whoever probably how about them on the train let's just say he didn't save a serial killer or a Mad Bomber on a date with destiny what is people who cook you up normally geography teachers ticket inspectors boyfriends who shagged your best friend people who write the small print see over for penalties people who go I'm telling you for your own good and can't you read we're closed all of them saved up you up another day thanks very much a good things Murr I hope you're happy now did you have a cake I didn't I most likely a pullover like your wife gives you for Christmas I'm Emily by the way hey school I'm at college well I'm doing a course I mean while I'm waiting to see what I want to do I'm learning about philosophy heavy or what like what is the good immoral actions the just society Plato Rousseau Immanuel Kant we've learned or them know that's the website great thinkers what's your name I didn't have a name I was the thought experiment except I felt my heart beating I had a heart beat I thought hey here we go I hate something coming like helicopter blades but knowledge was in me I knew stuff I got to be a person then he got hit by a train yeah I wish it had longer though I'd have done a few things in my life thought to see things too knowing what I know now I can teach you philosophy in my opinion Immanuel Kant would have let the train go in the river Wow I'll tell mr. buggit being a person is respect because you're not a cat or a dog or a bunch of juleps you're a human person and humanist is not like something that can be different amounts of it's maxed out from the start total respect every time kill one killer train me we're dissing the transcendental result he does amazing what's the transcendental it's the juggler on the radio the juggler on the radio and there's a juggler on the radio he sounds exactly the same as if there's no juggler there's lots of people listening to the radio and some are saying I believe in the juggler and some are saying there is no juggler and there's a few philosopher type people saying how is a juggler you can't see hear smell or touch different from no juggler but there's nothing any of these people can tell each other about the existence or the non-existence of the jugglers how do you know there's a juggler I heard him on the radio there's a juggler they [Music] I hear voices no one can hear talking and laughing about being mad about dying things like that dr.

Angeles tried to shut them up with his Smarties and liquorice torpedoes I'm rattling with them but they're still there the voices who's dr. Andrews he's dr. Angeles that's who and now he's thinking to burn them with his laser gun but he's got it pointed the wrong way in my opinion yeah the sky is full of noises can you hear them to anybody can you it's just tuning in mind to pick up the waveforms words and sounds and thoughts are each other indifferent to me I have a bad feeling someone's looking for us where are we going to seek out the wise would the wise one who's that they say knows the secret of life okay that sounds good is it far I think I've got the wrong shoes on oh my god [Music] is it a bird is it a plane it's uber Mensch parachute coming down here he's gonna land right by us come on let's go and see who it is mr.

Baggett a little worried about but the plane the explosion the pilot who was on the plane there's no plane Oh pilot it's a thought experiment I'm wondering what you're doing here that's just what I was wondering about you he's got to pull over hello I know you from somewhere don't tell me runaway train mr. Baggett a ufx man I hope you can keep a secret this is a thought experiment yes we imagined a property no what a thought experiment is I was a utilitarian consequentialist but I've been forced to reexamine some deeply held convictions we imagine let us say three passengers on a private airplane the pilot is at a heart attack and has died at the controls there is only one parachute the passengers are a politician a banker and moral philosopher Irv you cursed of course you have ethics man did what had to be done [Music] who would like to tell me ethics man's new philosophy there's miss McCoy not with us today ethics man is a Nietzschean egoist Friedrich Nietzsche 1844 to 1900 Nietzsche looked around him and announced that God was dead the question follows if god is dead who is making the rules nobody Nietzsche said or rather anybody the rules are made by whoever has the will to make them he who has the will gets the parachute slave or Superman is the only choice there is no other morality nature died mad I will write his name on the board first hang on isn't it right I know it's just should be a tea in it nope still it's wrong anyway sir who is the eraser my god if I find out it I'm sick and tired I'm a sick and bloody tire every time I need the eraser I will not live like this [Music] keep up a bit getting dark are we nearly there yet you got above the couch why does the wise one live on top of a mountain see you cartoon I think I saw a patch of sky but you sure he's gonna tell me the secret of life he tells the secret of life to anyone who is prepared to make the journey hey old naked is that wise [Applause] this is my friend Emily she has made the long journey to meet you hi welcome so you want to know the secret of life that's what I've come to hear close early the secret of life is this is not a drill [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yes behind you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] that was a little disappointing I thought someone way to come to be told the secret of life's what your mother's been shouting up the stairs at you wake up Emily and life is going by what do you see when you see yourself doing what you want to do I see some kind of big venue full of people come to hear me talk but they know the world is if something isn't done they know what has to be done they don't understand why nobody's really doing it the system is locked somehow they don't know why they're looking up at me can emily mccoy save the world i explain it to them as if i'm talking to children when i'm done i say thank you ladies and gentlemen for your attention and i work off they sit there stunned but next day buttless is all the time like floodwaters starting to go down glossiest rainforests pollution what do you say to them that's the part I'm still working on me to get off the mountain before night [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] the English pay the Chinese [Music] wait stop family history [Music] [Music] [Music] I'm not ready I'm studying for my big moment Suns almost gone I could see small fires in the valley I'm doing great thinkers but they're not great at thinking the same thing but did we start off good and couldn't keep it up or start off bad and this is as far as we've got learning to be good I heard about dinging there must be people soldiers look they've got guns what happened here the whole floor of the valley looks like a disaster came through yeah look at boneyard or something there's something moving over there that's the fire dogs feeding on something dead dead cow dogs and crows I'm coming see I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore he's fat it's the pictures that got small hello do you care for the flickers the flickers where is everybody there's a gathering didn't you hear the bell we just got here overloaded life raft all sacrificed for organ transplants runaway train Nora's the one on the other track bad luck a leaky hot-air balloon did for me someone had to go over the side fattest first saved the lives of three thin balloonists bastards you mean everyone here was a thought experiment that's funny there is a plane dusting crops where there ain't no crops might know anything not a blade of grass why is nothing growing it's a tragedy the old valley was common land first-class grazing and plenty for everyone share and share alike with a stream running down the middle to dip a bucket in and enough water behind the dam to turn a wheel in the sluice you could slip an extra cow or two into your herd with no one any the wiser we'll take a little channel off the stream for your tomato patch I wasn't the first believe me you mean you cheated I had to my way either there's others cheating well there's nobody cheating if there's others cheating I'd be a fool to stick to what was agreed for all I know I'd be the only one so it's best for me to cheat along that's obvious and if there's nobody cheating my little bit of cheating makes no difference so that's best for me too whatever the others are doing it's best for me to cheat the tragedy was that everyone else was thinking the same thing so the common was bound to be over grazed and the stream was bound to fail nothing could have stopped the common from being ruined for us all yes it could you could have decided not to cheat whatever else the others were doing wouldn't have made any difference me not cheating on my own you wouldn't be on your own if everyone was thinking the same in the end you gain nothing by cheating so you might as well have played fair yes you cracked Emily Emily are you nobody no I'm not a bloody thought experiment I'm Emily McCoy Emily McCoy everybody's waiting for you me you're going out a youngster but you got to come back a star [Music] ready this is not a drill this is it I need time to think no you came in like a bird through window and out it's done but I have to find the words hold a thought like holding the breath till you can't hold it anymore and then hold it more do you think you're going to die and let it go a thought wave sound waves of pure soul I'm getting voices [Music] soundwaves you can do that take a breath hold it of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine go girl [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so woe to you oh woe to you and me and were to all of us [Music] but we can save the earth from turning to dust and bones dust and bones from fire and flood [Music] here's the thing he is what I'm saying the earth is the common you can't save it for yourself that you can save it for others and the others will save it for you the other is us and we are the other we are of a kind we are natural born to kindness which means to act as to our kind as kin to kin as kindred which is to act kindly what is the good it's nothing but a contest of kindness to be unkind is against nature and it makes us feel bad to be selfish is against nature because it is against our kindness we are as natural born to unselfishness as a mother to her baby her milk is the milk of human kin and kindness but when we live for trickery and gain we turn against nature and nature will turn against us we will be lords of dust and bones are you with the witch boy but are you with the witch what rich thank you ladies and gentlemen for your attention that witch oh you i'm the Witchfinder the Witchfinder she's not a witch it was me showed you bewitched her what happened they heard you they were bewitched Doctor Octopus he says he's the Witchfinder doctor Antipas it's me M&E don't be afraid I'm here to help you you've got to be missing mr. Baggot I just love the Cape you look silly fly I confess a little but I've decided the Superman it is unsustainable for anyone who's relatively sane I feel my niche is somewhere between Kantian do as you would have everybody do and Hobbesian do unto others before they do unto you I don't care about you what have they done with my friend held on suspicion of witchcraft he's a prisoner too it's classic to prisoners they can't confirm their thinking if they give evidence against each other their lives will be spared and not go to prison if their birth keeps silent they'll get off on the main charge and get a shorter sentence but if one keeps silent and the other turn state's evidence what's the dilemma mr.

Baggot you're supposed to be cleverer than me because you're the teacher but your games and the thought experiments stupid improper life people aren't just out for themselves and there's always a million things you don't know but your stick figures think they can work out the answers like to sudoko and what I'm thinking is you can't work out what is the good you just know what is the good that's what's good about it you're an intuitionist if it caught on I would lead to widespread unemployment among moral philosophers you coming back to finish there cause I don't know I don't understand what's coming over dr. Andrew bus do you Batman this chick is toast Chamberlain bring up the prisoners prisoner a and prisoner B which is which and which are you no it's me who's the witch doctor no laughter in the public benches there wasn't any laughter the public benches mr. wish - as I just Lee observed wake up by the way aren't you mr.

Baggot I am well what have you got to say for yourself your student confesses to being a witch one wonders where she gets it from it's a false confession mr. witch finder I'm the witch I've always been a witch and nobody bewitched me she's not a witch I'm the wish prisoners a and B are making false confessions to sacrifice themselves each for the after I've never come across a case like this in the game of prisoner's dilemma it's competitive optimism altruism consideration of the other selflessness the good in operation we know what altruism is mr. Baggett which is more than you appear to do altruism is a relic of 19th century moral thing he now understood to be it's opposite that is selfishness in disguise genetically programmed for long-term benefits in other words there is no such thing as altruism it makes a mockery of prisoner's dilemma studies and I intend to make an example of who Weber's the witch here I am the witch I'm the way no way [Applause] silence what was all that mr.

Baggot plagiarism mr. Richmond well I'm not having it she howled she sobbed she elated she uttered not one word of sense yet the witnesses caught in her enchantment heard her preaching words as plain as I speak to you now the land is blighted and it is witchery place witchery I said and the boy is in it up to his neck not just which Remus to which finer but falsehood sentimental twaddle in a state of nature would at wall each against all nature doesn't teach hippie-dippie to goody-good array we'd still be living in caves without proper roads where you can put your foot down nature teaches self-interest a just society with for example cuff links depends on the enlightened self-interest of for example bankers and you are a banker was that you on that claim it was thanks to that swine baguette baguette again he thought me up to mr. witch finder are you the pilot no I'm the politician the pilot was already dead and had no moral position as regards to the parachute and where do you stand on burning the witch ah well how does one establish she's a witch by strapping her to a board and dunking her in a pond till she admits it the tried and trusted way of which find us through the ages let me say first of all when I say which I don't mean to sound it anyway witch's inclusiveness is sacred to me weirdos welcome within the law is how I see are you for burning them on the other hand constraints are the essence of a just society constraints inclusiveness and accountancy I mean accountability and accountancy and when I say constraints I mean liberties and plenty of them here do you keep working them no not at all we hardly know each other we've only met socially we never talked about anything which might be a conflict of interest never we have not [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] if you've just joined us there is a change to the advertised program the radio juggler will now follow our live coverage of the witch burning and I think yes the two witches are being brought out now I can see some movements just inside the doorway and the crowd has seen them too the boy is now visible held fast by armed soldiers and behind him Emily McCoy and Emily you shouldn't've try to save me good thank you to try you shouldn't have either but thank you too there was no big thing I'd already been hit by a train and here they come huh des des langues at the place of execution when the laser gun is powered up for the modern witch burning and the spectators don't like it they're being held back summing tears on their knees and there's something unexpected happening over there a crowd of about a hundred people some women and children among them carrying suitcases and bundles have appeared from nowhere surging around the prisoners this is unbelievable it looks like a rescue attempt what happened who were those people they were on the train what the train which didn't go in the river they saved us Wow come on the Saudis are coming office we have to get into the trees that we don't stand a chance wait I can't run anymore you go I'm not leaving you I'm so sorry Emily it was all my fault the ground is white and his blades of grass the ground is just squelching up I look there's more grass poking through here and here all over the place yeah the valleys turning green the soldiers have seen it too they stopped shooting [Applause] what are the people shouting you didn't know really just like you said everything is on the Turnpike one word gentlemen infrastructure green shoots the green shoots of economic recovery 100 billion at tuna have over 10 do I hear 105 melt over there 105 imitated two and a half which with you sir it's a success for the green belt are they going to build on it [Applause] forget it Jake it's Chinatown [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] Emily Emily Emily can you hear me don't Angela's well done everything went well voices you don't have to worry about them anymore the voice is all gone where's my friend you have a rest now where's my friend I'll come back to see you sleep now [Music] hey Emily McCoy how's the witchery business hey man what do you think of the old place now didn't recognize it I need a pearl Tower Gardens are pretty in the water for me more you should have seen the valley in its glory days like a picture book painted in by God grassland further than you could see more cattle than you could count before we ruined it always meant to ask you fat man how did you stay fact when the common was all dust I was the thought experiment when your thought up fat that's what you are loved the week by the way yeah got my head shaved that's the bell for visitors to leave I've got to go in now [Music] hasta LaVista baby [Music] we're out [Music] [Music] no it's not what they would choose [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] I can hear the glossiest melting can you hear where are you boy where are you biggie [Music] kindness didn't save the world still working on that but if kindness is only selfishness in disguise like the Witchfinder said the question what is the good wouldn't be about anything except what's best for you and what's moral about that yeah you got it Emily hey [Music] [Music] where did you go no way they lost me at all and the voices don't go away again even if you didn't don't ever I won't ever I'll be there with you [Music] it [Music] [Music] without [Music] it's my fight [Music] [Music] [Music] miss McCoy just popped in to see how you getting on mr.

Bokka hello oh you bald in the pink your much missed flowers are from the class thank you have the chair the tour has to stay open it's all the rules here it won't be for long I'm sure we all hope you'll be coming back to the course what is the good a absolutely what is the good so how is progress oh we don't make progress footnotes to Aristotle it's been said the good life justice and fairness mr. backett four weeks before they brought me here I couldn't get out of bed for crying and thinking what is the good what is the good till I'm going what is the good of asking what is the good when the bad is doing just great without anyone asking what is it injustice and unfairness are running free like they own the earth and the way it's looking the earth won't be worth owning [Music] do you believe in the juggler do I believe in the juggler Emily it's alright in the beginning before there was something there was nothing but in the nothingness was everything to come squeezed into a point which burst and was the universe do you believe this where is the chakra and the universe was nothing but stuff in empty space atoms pinballing into molecules into stars and everything was lifeless and that was everything there was and ever could be anyone except for this this one speck in the whole universe where molecules of liquid and gas and Lego were stirred into Occidental life by solar rays or electric storms maybe into bacterial plankton jellyfish into copies using their fins to crawl ashore on the sea rock into lizards into a tiny shrew like mrs.