Now ladies and gentlemen indeed this is one of the reasons I love this business so much because right now I get to introduce Mr red [Music] buttons thanks for applauding me on it's feels good it always feels good you know anyway it's um I made a few notes here it's always nice to be back at the Beverly Hills High School where um years ago Monica Lewinski was inspected for a weapon of mass destruction [Applause] ladies and gentlemen I'm absolutely delighted to be here tonight for my very dear friend Connie Stevens a sex symbol for men
who no longer care Connie is Italian and a woman with guts she starts her own car three out of three she could have been a soprano but she couldn't hit the high notes but what's the difference there she is a sweet little thing the Beloved Cricket in the TV classic Hawaiian ey Connie once told Don Ho yes you have Tiny Bubbles but Size Doesn't Matter I'm laughing too it's the first time I heard it you know you don't say it when you write it you write it down and you keep your fingers cross you catch
a hot night you know well anyway Connie is beloved I don't have to tell you this by all and has an ecle circle of friends many many of these who were invited uh to join Connie tonight but uh they didn't they didn't show up but I have here a small list of those people who were invited who somehow or other didn't show Robert Robert DeNiro who said said to Marcel Marcel you talking to me you you talking to me you you talking to me me you talking to not here tonight Tiger Woods who said let
my people putt Noh no way to be found Don Rickles the greatest living argument against human [Applause] cloning I'm a hit Bill Gates father who set the bill when I go you don't get a dime not here Connie not here did not show Michael Ovitz who is recovering from a vicious gay Mafia driveby slapping couldn't make it bandaged up he's home I don't know what language that is but last time I was up on the stage I opened a Torah Jack Welch who said to General Electric can I keep the poodle man got an invite
not here not here Governor Gray Davis who said you cannot get a driver's license in California if your middle finger is missing [Applause] Larry King of My Big Fat Greek Irish Italian Jewish Chinese jamman French weddings were supposed to be here not here Dolly Parton who said to Billy Crystal analyze these Al Gore who said when he learned there are two winners for the title of Miss North Carolina they can do that [Applause] invited not here stepen Spielberg's mother who said the ET I don't care where you're from you're here and you're going to get
B mitford it's not here and an Nicole Smith who said where there's a will there's a [Applause] way not here Rupa who said to John Edward I already crossed over smart smart joke iiv a stone who believes PeeWee Herman did not act alone man should have been here didn't come Connie didn't [Music] come Elizabeth dolu said to her husband Bob stop already with the Viagra you'll go [Applause] blind Jesse Jackson who said Keep hope alive it's too late for Crosby Michael Jackson was born a poor black boy and today is a rich white woman [Applause]
Dr root Dr root who said if you don't want to talk to your husband when you're having sex don't pick up the phone [Applause] didn't show up Dr Phil who said on the Oprah show if you are so sick that you have to have sex with an animal do it with a horse this way you'll always have a ride [Applause] home Connie Connie my darling nothing nothing lasts forever you don't believe me ask the New York Yankees but sometimes there are exceptions my friendship and my affection for you Cony forever forever forever thank you [Applause]
[Music] [Music] red buttons ladies and gentlemen Mr red buttons [Music] hang it red
