I felt pretty good as I left the dealership they were the proud owners of a Prius hybrid and I was the enthusiastic new owner of a new Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT I stopped at a stoplight and sat there with a huge goofy grin on my face I knew what I was going to do when the light came on I pushed the gas pedal in the six 2 L supercharged Hemi howled and I started it up until it wouldn't budge I downshifted it to the acceptable limit and the smile became permanent when I pulled into my
drive driveway I didn't drive it into the garage in a minute I was going to drive again I stepped inside and smelled something cooking it smelled like spaghetti I never really liked spaghetti good thing I had plans I didn't yell I'm home like I usually do I just went upstairs changed into my golf clothes got my clubs out of the closet and headed for the front door Rachel came out of the kitchen as I was heading for the front door Charles where are you going whose car is that dinner's almost ready why are you dressed
like that and why do you have golf clubs well honey I'm going to play golf this is my car these are my golf clothes and I need the clubs to play golf she stared at me like I was crazy you didn't say anything about playing golf how about dinner I'll have dinner at the Country Club I told her have a nice dinner I heard her voice just as I was closing the door what do you mean it's your car I didn't have time to answer trivial questions so I continued on my Merry way my phone
started ringing almost immediately so I turned it off I got to the country club enjoyed a very nice dinner with Ralph and Pete and played nine holes I hadn't played in a while and it was noticeable by the time we finished I was starting to recover and felt better for the next time we agreed to play Saturday morning had a couple beers and I went home I knew there was a real storm brewing in my house I pulled the SRT into the garage and went inside a very angry looking Rachel was sitting in her chair
watching TV lightning flashed from her eyes and her eyebrows Rose what the hell is wrong with you Charles Thunder rolled off her lips nothing actually I said what the hell is wrong with you the Rebellion seemed to take her by surprise I should mention that I'm not usually this argumentative I'm a calm guy if I don't care about something I stay quiet I don't care about the color of the appliances in the kitchen she wants stainless steel instead of black as long as we can afford it I don't care it's stainless steel I was sure
she took my general lack of opinion as a lack of will it was probably my fault to some extent there would be no more of that for a moment she looked at me in surprise what the hell is wrong with me she practically hissed you come home driving this gasoline eating monster tell tell me you're going golfing skip the dinner I made and you have the nerve to ask me what's wrong I thought about it for a moment yes I said calmly yes what do you mean yes she was practically foaming at the mouth yes
I do have the courage to say that her face was blotchy and flushed are you drunk Charles are you on drugs or something I had a couple beers at the Country Club but no drugs do you have any drugs you want me to take she seemed to be at a loss for words but quickly came to her senses there might be maybe you need to take some anticho medication she stepped back and opened the door from the kitchen to the garage the car must have impressed her a beautiful car she snorted are you having some
kind of midlife crisis I thought about it for a minute yeah yeah what she wanted to know yes I'm having a crisis and I guess 41 would be considered middle age well what's the matter she asked demandingly what is what that's a pretty vague question what crisis she seemed very annoyed it's a secret so you're having a crisis and you're keeping it a secret from me she seemed unable to believe it no I said stop being an ass she shouted what do you mean no I'm not keeping it a secret from you she sped her
hands I'm not going to waste my time what's that stupid toy doing in our garage and where's the priest PR I traded it in for an SRT I didn't like the Prius I like the SRT we agreed that the Prius is environmentally friendly and economical she said it's the kind of car that responsible people drive you need to think about how you'll look shoving this Beast into your work parking space all the executives Drive hybrids how will they feel when they see you driving this dinosaur Envy we agreed on the Prius she said no I
never agreed I said I just agreed because that's what you wanted that's right she said sternly don't you care about my happiness anymore tomorrow you'll take it back and you'll get your Prius back no she acted like she had no idea what the word no meant what does no mean I won't take it back and I won't take the Prius back she thought for a moment a hurt expression appeared on her face 3 days ago I would have cared what's wrong with you Charles I've decided I like being called Chuck from now on you have
to call me Chuck her mouth was a jar and she seemed speechless I appreciated that I went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed when I stepped out into the bedroom there was a pillow and blanket at the foot of the bed you're going to sleep in the guest bedroom she said you're acting like a cranky child and don't expect me to sleep with you I thought for a moment and pulled back back the blanket her eyes popped out of her orbits as I started to sit up what the hell do you think you're
doing going to bed I told you you weren't going to sleep here yeah I heard you there's nothing wrong with my hearing don't tell me where I can sleep this is my half of the bed the other half belongs to you I'm not going in your half it's only fair to tell you that you shouldn't climb on mine either she rolled defiantly onto my half I snatched the blanket from her hands and sat on top of her before lying on top of her she tried desperately to push me off I weighed 210 lb she weighed
120b she failed miserably get off me you idiot she tried to slap me but I caught her arm that's my side I told her your side is over there you're not welcome on my side I lifted up a little and she rolled over onto her side then she started to cry what's wrong with you Charles she sobbed what's wrong with you why are you treating me like this there is no Charles I told her just Chuck I told you I like being called Chuck I thought you liked being called Charles she cried no you were
the one who liked calling me Charles I said I never liked it I just went along with it for your sake why don't you want to make me feel good I don't think you respect me I think the reason you don't is because I've spent all my time trying to make you happy I'm done now I'm going to make myself happy if you're happy because I'm happy that's great if you're not big [ __ ] she made a quiet crying sound what's wrong yesterday you were the best husband in the world the next day you're
a son of a [ __ ] to me it actually took 3 days not one day at all she was staring at me she was very much like one of those chicks waiting for their mother to feed them I don't have any worms for you I told her she stared at me as if an alien had invaded my body worms what the hell is wrong with you are you sick the answer to the first question is complicated I said after a moments thought the answer to the second question is yes she thought for a moment
are you sick yes what's wrong with you what kind of sickness makes you trade in your beautiful car for some gasoline eating monster how sick are you if you can go golfing and have a beer it's a heart problem I told her she looked embarrassed do you have clogged artery or an irregular heartbeat what does the way you're acting have to do with a heart condition it's not really a disease I had a change in my heart like a transplant are you going to tell me what's going on I found out 3 days ago that
you're a cheater all that love in my heart died and was replaced by a heart just like yours now I care about me and I don't care about you what did you call me she demanded maybe you should consider getting your hearing checked did I stutter no you were very clear she said I don't know what bug is up your ass but you'd better deal with it you just accused your wife of being a cheater and a [ __ ] I don't like to look at it as an accusation it's more like a statement of
fact I explained what the hell are you talking about she was practically screaming there's no need to yell I'm right here I said I'm talking about your little date at the hotel with Allan and Marcy Baker her face went pale what how I don't know what you're talking about do you know who the president is what day is today she just stared at me someone is having an alarming short-term memory loss probably from a stroke I pulled out my phone and opened Snapchat they were saved in chat and on my phone I wasn't going to
tell her where else they were saved there were pictures big as life-size Rachel between between the two of them was walking through the door of room 177 of the Dorchester Hotel she was kissing Marcy and Allan had his hand on her ass where did you get this she asked mlan sent it to me I said I'm pretty sure he sent them to Lonnie too they're pretty pissed off mlan is our son and Lonnie is our daughter she add mlan he saw you're lying you got them from somewhere I showed her the picture mlan took no
no he was there dropping off a customer when he saw you come in he just wanted to say hello imagine his surprise at your little date I like that word don't you it wasn't oh God it's what are you going to do Charles Charles isn't going to do anything I said Chuck's already on the case he's already organized fatal accidents for the three of you she looked at me fearfully for a minute I guess she thought I wasn't kidding really what are are you going to do nothing I said I've hired some of my friends
to do everything Allan and Marcy are going to die tomorrow with you I'll wait until next Wednesday my guess is that since Allan and Marcy are going to work tomorrow their airbags will malfunction they'll deploy causing the car to crash of course by then the airbags will have deflated Mario is convinced the crash will be fatal it's well known that these Priuses don't do well in crash tests that's why I got rid of mine she stared at me with her mouth open for a minute it wasn't a very attractive look she gathered all her composure
as best she could after that ominous Revelation oddly enough she seemed indifferent to the probable demise of her sex buddies just selfish I thought what about us she managed to get out oh good we're gone now of course I'm divorcing you you're do at work tomorrow do you think the company will mind three of their employees were on a date God I love that word a date leading up to a divorce and serving papers at work could create some awkwardness there I doubt Colton Fisk will like the drama since he's a big man in the
church and all I wonder if Allan and Marcy will be allowed to have the funeral in the church this caused Rachel to let out a strange distorted squeal sounding as intimidating as some peacocks at the zoo I turned off my light good night Rachel I said I wonder if I'll get both halves of the bed in the divorce she threw herself on my half of the bed and clung to my back like a leech I don't want to divorce Charles she sobbed into my back I didn't answer Charles she pulled me tighter against her Charles
I don't want a divorce silence she looked over my shoulder Charles I looked at her there is no Charles I told her and you're on my side of the bed then God damn it Chuck then Chuck I don't want a divorce I rolled over to her I didn't want a cheating [ __ ] as a wife either but I got her even though I didn't want her funny how that works huh she didn't seem to have the same curiosity as me cha Chuck I'm so sorry she said it was just something I wanted to try
I was curious what it would be like to be with another woman me too I said wow are we so much alike I was also under the impression that Alan was a man does anyone else know that heun's not cisgender don't be ridiculous she said it was a threesome but I didn't have sex with him only with Marcy did he sit in the chair and watch not a cisgendered Voyer pervert he was doing Marcy while she was doing me she admitted do you realize how ridiculous this conversation is what possible fancy could have made you
think in your wildest dreams that this was helping your cause she has hesitated for a moment but couldn't seem to come up with anything plausible I was going to I was going to give you the same thing she finally squeezed out the same thing what does that mean I asked a threesome with me and Marcy she said you just told me you're interested in being with another woman Marcy is not one of the women I'm interested in I said I was thinking about the one who hasn't slept with half the men in town who were
you thinking about what the hell Chuck was on fire I might as well have been playing with her mind well Lily was always at the top of my fantasy list I admitted my sister she squealed you asked me that I reminded her Lily was sexy as hell Rachel was a walking wet dream Lily was all of those things but more blond hair brown eyes a few freckles on the cutest little nose imaginable and that body she had the most beautiful shape it was the kind of shape that just looking at it made your tongue grow
hard not to mention other parts of your body her breasts were large round and firm and she had the most delightful ass on the planet she exuded sensuality from every poor and made men do stupid things when she was around she was 5 years younger than Rachel and me had been briefly married when she was in her late 30s to an upand cominging NFL player but dumped the bum when he washed out started drinking and couldn't keep a job when Rachel and I were dating we were in college and Lily was in high school and
she had a crush on me it was funny and I L the hell out of her but I never took action yes I felt the lust but I wouldn't do anything even if I had the opportunity I wondered if Rachel would really go for it and more importantly if Lily would it didn't matter Rachel was leaving me anyway but this was a very good opportunity to drive her away I could see the wheels turning in Rachel's head I'm not going to have a threesome with my sister she finally said I Shrugged and turned to go
back to sleep the divorce had gone as smoothly as it could possibly go Rachel fought it as hard as she could but divorces can't be dragged out like they used to be most people know what happens in a divorce and it wasn't fun but Chuck enjoyed life how do you leave your beloved just take out the trash sometimes the trash objects to being taken out but hey it happens I never got to have that threesome with Lily I'm quite content to be paired up though the Lush body of this cutie being the little spoon next
to me doesn't even allow me to dream of a threesome
