from a young age we are taught that one of the greatest risks to our integrity and flourishing is our own selfishness we must whenever possible learn to think more about other people keep in mind how often we fail to see things from their point of view and be aware of the small and large ways in which we disadvantage and ignore collective interests being good means at its most basic putting other people more squarely at the center of our lives but for some of us the problem isn't so much that we're heedless to this advice rather
that we take it far too closely and remorselessly to heart so mindful our we have the risks of selfishness we run into an opposite danger an abnegation of the self a modesty that borders on self erasure an automatic impulse to give everything over to competing parties a shyness about pressing oneself forward and a mannequin ability to say no or cause the slightest frustration to others and so as a result of our talents at selflessness we fill our diaries with obligations to people who bore and drain us we stick at jobs that neglect our true talents
and we stay for far too long in relationships with people who deceive us annoy us and subtly and possibly with a lot of sentimental sweetness take us for a very long ride and then one morning we wake up and find that the bulk of our life is already behind us that our best years are spent and that no one is especially grateful for our sacrifices that there isn't a reward in heaven for our renunciations and that we are furious with ourselves for mistaking meekness and self surrender for kindness the priority may then be to rediscover
our latent reserves of selfishness the very word may be frightening because we aren't taught to distinguish as we must between bad and good versions of this trait between on the one hand the kind of selfishness that viciously exploits and reduces others that operates with no and in view that disregards people out of meanness and negligence and on the other the kind of selfishness that we require to get anything substantial done that lends us the courage to prioritize our own concerns over the flotsam and jetsam of daily life that lends us the spirit to be more
forthright about our interests with people who claim to love us and that at moments leads us to sidestep nagging demands not in order to make people suffer but so that we can husband our resources and in time be able to serve the world in the best way we can with a more fruitfully selfish philosophy in mind we might fight to have an hour to ourselves each day we may do something that could get us labeled as self-indulgent like having psychotherapy three times a week or writing a book but that's vital to our spirit we might
go on a trip on our own because so much has happened that we need to process in silence we can't be good to anyone else until we've serviced some of our own inner callings a lack of selfishness may be the fastest route to turning us into ineffective embittered and ultimately highly disagreeable people Hindu philosophy can be a useful guide here because it divides up our lives into four stages each with its distinctive roles and responsibilities the first is that of The Bachelor student known as Brahma Sharia the second that of the householder and parent grihastha
tah and the third that of the grandparent and semi-retired adviser vanaprastha but it's the fourth that is the really interesting age in this context known as sannyasa this is the time when after years of service to other people to business family and society we finally throw off our worldly obligations and focus instead on the development of our psychological and spiritual sides we might sell up our house go traveling and wander the world to learn talk to strangers open our eyes and nourish our minds in the period of sannyasa we live simply perhaps by a beach
or the side of a mountain we eat basic food and have few belongings we cut our tie with anyone who has nothing spirit related to Telus anyone who's on the make and in too much of a hurry anyone who doesn't spend a substantial amount of their time reflecting on the meaning of being alive what feels insightful about this division of existence is that it acknowledged that a sannyasa way of living can't be right for everyone at any time yet on the same score that no good life can be complete without a version of it there
are years when we simply have to keep our heads down and study years when we have to bring up children and accumulate some capital but there are also just as importantly years when what we need to do above all is say enough enough to material and superficial demands enough to sexual and romantic entanglements enough to status and sociability and instead learn to turn our minds inwards and upwards without having to Don the orange robe favored by Hindu sannyasis with perhaps few visible signs of a reorientation to speak of it's open to all of us to
make a psychological move into a more self focused an inner age we can convey to those around us that we aren't lazy mad or callous we just need to avoid doing the expected things for a while now we need to fulfill our real promise by casting aside an idea that is only ever superficially wise that of always putting other people first our perspective cards feature tools for a wiser karma perspective on life they help to restore calm and clarity even during difficult times you
