Today I have to survive every high school job for the next 24 hours. Well, I have to survive every high school class for the next 24 hours. And whoever gets more points wins the Matter Cup.
This is the grand finale of the Matter Cup. Come on. It's 2026 now and I'm 16.
This is even more cringe. I know. I know.
But listen, because we competed all 2025 and we ended up tied. So, whoever wins today gets the final prize. Oh, yay.
Okay. No, it's good though. I'm really excited.
Are you actually? Yeah. Why don't I believe her?
You should. Today, we've come up with the challenges for each other. And for your first job, Salish, you are a bus driver.
Oh, yeah. What are these glasses? Here we go.
And you're a new student and it's your first day of school. Wa! No, this is not how high school students dress.
And here are your two backpacks. Oh my. Why are they so heavy?
One for school, one for sport. You're crazy. All right, good luck, Dad.
Your class number is 2011, and you have 10 minutes to get there. No, salish. You got 10 minutes.
You better get school quick. She doesn't know how to drive. No.
Say wa. Oh my gosh. How do you do this?
This is huge. How does she know how to drive a bus? I thought that was going to throw her.
Oh, wait. I'm good at this. I should become a bus driver.
This is ridiculous. I have to find my way to school and get to my class in 10 minutes while Salish drives a bus filled with kids. Oh, they're here.
They're here. I got it. Hi, guys.
Come on in. Hello. Hi.
Hi. Hi. Let's settle down.
As a bus driver, Salish has two responsibilities. Get the kids there on time and safely. So, if she gets there late or if she turns around and gets distracted while she's driving, she loses this round.
Is that Salish? What the heck, dude? Can I get a ride?
Sail down. What? Come on, give me a ride.
Well, I guess that's the way to school. At least I know how to get there. And what Salish doesn't know is that these kids are not going to make this bus ride easy.
The donuts. No, no. Now thinks going to high school is harder than being an adult.
We'll find out at the end of the day. I don't think so. Saw this really cool Tik Tok video where they put in Diet Coke.
I'm going to try it out. No, no, no. Diet Coke.
I'm not actually trying to make a mess. I just want to turn around. Yes.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you going to Santiago?
Yes. Yes. Can I get a ride, please?
Sorry, we're on the bus. What? Team Salish.
No, dude. Are you kidding me right now? Stay calm.
Everybody shipping us. Everybody shipping us. Do we ship to everybody?
Get out. Everybody get out. What?
She's already done. I haven't even gotten to school yet. Hold on.
Oh my gosh. Thank you, bus driver. Best driver.
Why are they chill now? S. Wait, did you fail or did you pass?
I passed. No, you didn't get distracted by anything. No, but you only have 3 minutes.
Excuse me. salish completed her first challenge, but I only have 3 minutes left to find my locker and make it to my class on time. Who knows where the room 2011 is?
Over this way. Okay, it's actually that way. Team, did they just say team Salishs?
Can't believe that that was the first challenge. That was actually so hard. The kids were so annoying.
But I mean, at least I have No, I got to get all of this in my locker before I get to class. I got like 2 minutes left. I think they said my locker has a photo on it so I know which one is me.
I need to win the Matter Cup because this is like the final Matter Cup challenge. And the prize is so good. I don't know what I'm going to do without the prize.
Like, I need the prize. 10 9. Do you guys know what room 2011 is?
What is going on? What are you doing? Seven.
Oh my gosh. Do they sell Starbucks here? What?
The four. I here. I here.
I made it. Now that Salish and I have both passed our first challenges, it's time to see what we've cooked up for round number two. salish, we got four more challenges and by the end you are going to have a full appreciation of what adults do to make a school run efficiently.
I just think that students would run the school way better. Oh, you're going to find out that they don't. Believe me or not.
Okay, you know what? Guess what? You're going to be a janitor.
Yes. I love this video, Dad. Bro.
Oh, you think it's funny? Yes. No.
No. Um, no, Salish. No.
For this round, I have to beat gym class in three different physical challenges, and Salish will have to clean up whatever mess the principal tells her to. Good luck. Good luck.
Ow. Ow. Hi, I'm the new custodian of Salish.
Hi, Salish. I'm Principal Jackson. Nice to meet you.
The hallway is a mess. It is disgusting and it is spotless. I should be able to eat off the ground.
Do you understand me? Yes, ma'am. I will be back in 10 minutes.
grow. You're all about to compete in the fitness grand pacer test. The last four standing go on to the next round.
And Jordan, you better be one of them. What's the fitness grand pacer test? You're going to hate it.
Uhoh. All right, get to work. Ew, bro.
This is gross. Okay, I only have 10 minutes. I kind of got to hurry this up.
I think you're just making it worse. The first challenge is the pacer test. If I don't make it across the line by the time I hear the next beep, I'm eliminated.
Move it. Move it. Move it.
I got to pace myself. Whoa. Move.
Not missing. Faster. You guys are worthless and weak.
When you're down, stay down. Say, don't you have like 6 minutes left? Hey, Collin.
Mhm. Trying my best. Your best looks really bad.
Move, move, move. Oh, he shooted. It doesn't matter.
You're down. Road kill. I had to.
He was my biggest competition. Yes. I can't believe the old man is beating you.
I can't believe it. What? Yes.
Yes. Yeah. Let's go.
Say the amount of time you've just wasted messing around. Turn around. Look at what you see.
We literally don't have any time. My next physical challenge is tugofwar. Which one of you wants to be on the old man's team?
All right. First team to pull the other team over the red line. Go to the championship.
Ready, set, go. You guys have the winner. Who's the old man now?
Team Jordan. Let's go. The floor is done.
We got to go locker now. See which locker it is. Which one is it?
One of these. What is it? I think I need some gloves.
The first person to stack seven boxes wins. The caveat is that you have to do a burpee between each box that you burpees. Okay, guess what?
You're late. Burpee. And while I'm killing these challenges, I think this mess might be killing salish.
What is that? E a dirty banana. Ew.
Wait, it's molding. I have an idea. Come on.
What? What? What's the idea?
We need to get a power washer. A power washer? Literally a paper towel.
A paper towel is literally all you need. Can I go? Collin, we got it.
No kidding. We have like 30 seconds. Maybe she won't look inside.
Yes, she will. Jordan. Let's go.
Matter cup is mine. He cheated. He's a cheater.
Team Jordan. I've completed all three of my physical challenges. But now it's time to see if Salish is as good at being a janitor as I am at being an athlete.
Hi. Doesn't it look great? Look at everything.
It's perfect. And this is perfection. Yes.
You can eat off this floor. Of course. This floor right here.
Why not? Why not? Okay.
Okay. Pull that thought. If you want to get the point and win the challenge, eat off the floor.
All of it. Okay. Quickly.
Oh, yep. No. How about I just clean this up?
She'll never know. I'm literally here. You lost the sound.
Good luck with the next one. All of our work, Collin. We spent like a million hours cleaning this.
I am one step closer to winning the Matter Cup. Boom. But why didn't you eat it?
You would have gotten a point. Come on. Because Dad, it's on a dirty floor.
You try eating it. It's not supposed to be dirty. It's supposed to be clean.
That's the whole reason you do this. I only have 10 minutes. Anyways, you're going to be a theater kid now.
Oh, no. Do not the wig. The wig looks good.
Okay. You think this is funny? Yeah.
Okay. What do you think about being a substitute teacher for science class? By the way, Dad, don't waste any food.
No, not No. This is No. I think she lost the point just cuz she knew I wouldn't waste this food.
Oh, man. Yo, Jordan, you got to prove that you ate it all. I'm going to eat it all.
What do you know about science? Nothing. You're supposed to teach an entire class right now.
Yeah, it's fine. I got to It's It's locked. Okay, class.
This is Miss Matters. She's going to be a substitute teacher today while I bounce for a few minutes. And you have an assignment to do and I expect everyone to get it done.
I don't know how to really do science. I'm not that great at it. Well, you're the substitute teacher.
Here are the directions. Just follow it. You'll be fine.
The idea is you can get through this as a challenge. I need every single kid here to be able to do this. Yeah, I got this.
Yeah. I'm going to come back and I'm going to pick one of these students to do the experiment. And if it's successful, you win that point.
You win the challenge. You are going to love our theater teacher. Does anybody ever tell you to look Millie Bobby Brown?
Yeah. All the time. This experiment, you make a rocket.
It's a chemical reaction to be baking soda and vinegar, you know, all that stuff. Cross them out. What are we really doing?
You got to like kind of wrangle the class. Can you give me one of those? All right.
Thank you. Thank you. Do you want this big one?
No. Everybody listen up. Everybody circle up.
The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth. Half of a cup of vinegar into this. Where do we get the measuring stuff from?
I'll give it to you. 1 tbsp of baking soda. I feel like I'm lowkey winning them over.
You're doing a good job. I'm winning them over. Today I will be performing the balcony scene from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name and scene. All right.
What you're going to do is tape the toilet paper. Miss matter. More like miss don't matter.
That was so tough. Then you're going to attach pencils to the sides of the racers, which we already did. It's going to look like this.
Oh, hey. Everybody needs to pay attention because all of you guys need to know how to do this experiment. If I'm going to win this challenge, isn't coming off.
This teacher, do you need help? Everyone needs to be able to do this. Yeah, but I mean the teacher's probably not going to pick him to show it.
But what if he does? And then you lose the challenge. He's not going to.
You got to make sure everybody understands what you're doing. Not going to, bro. Take the tape and wrap it around the cork.
Make sure it's tight. If it's not tight, it won't work. Say that kid's missing half your lesson.
I need you to come back to my classroom right now. Why? Because I need you to get back in the classroom.
Jordan, wait. And I have to I I I I I have never done it. And what you will be performing the summer I turned pretty between Conrad and Belly.
I'm going to be judging you the same way I judge the rest of my class. You need to get a B+ or better to win this challenge. I've never even seen this scene.
I've never watched the show. I don't know what I'm doing. Conrad's a guy, right?
Yes. And Belly is a woman. Yes.
Okay. So, I don't I don't have a scene partner, but they're all like the age of my children. That's weird, isn't it?
Like I You're playing both parts. All right, everybody. Everybody get their notebooks, pencils, everything out and copy down exactly what I say.
Yes, matter. When the baking soda mixes with the vinegar, an acidbased reaction occurs, which produces carbon dioxide gas. The pressure pops the cork and liquid out of the bottle and sends the rocket straight up into the air.
Hi, I'm Jordan and this is Summer. I turn pretty. Belly is I love you.
I don't think I'll ever get you out of my system. You'll always be there. You're only saying that because I'm marrying Jeremiah.
You know, this isn't really working for me. I need to feel something more emotional for the character. Do you mind if I try a different scene?
You have something in mind? Okay. Got 5 minutes.
Okay. 5 minutes. I'm going to nailed it.
F 5 minutes. That was strange, right? I don't know.
I've seen Stranger Things. Make sure you stay till the end. You won't want to miss what's in these boxes.
Okay, guys. Now, I'm going to show you the firework action. Jake, run.
salish. Okay, I need you. Sorry.
Sorry to interrupt class. I need you right now for my scene. What do you mean?
You need me? I still got to teach them everything. None of the room.
Is that thing about to explode? Yeah, it's about to go any minute. Can I please have your help?
Please, please, please come with me. All right, everybody, work on the experiment and just do it well so that you all know it. I I have to do an acting scene with you.
What? No, just please help me out and believe me, it's awesome. Come on.
Come on. Come on. The teacher will be back any minute, so we need to make sure we can all do the experiment.
Do we all feel good about it? Yes. Yes.
Everybody seems like everyone except for Derek. We're ready. We're team Salish.
Let's do this. This is my daughter. And this is Vecna.
I mean, this is our teacher. Yay. Looks a little bit like Vecna, right?
A lot, right? It's crazy. Definitely.
You know the scene. Stranger Things, end of season 3. L is reading the letter from Hopper.
Okay. So, you're L. You think my character is dead.
You discover this letter and you're seeing it and you're hearing these words. If I don't get a B+ or better from the teacher, I lose this challenge. Okay.
Okay. Okay. All right.
Um Okay. I'm just getting into character. Say, I mean, L, I know you're getting older, growing, changing.
And I guess if I'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. I think maybe that's why I came in here, to try and stop that change, to turn back the clock, to make things go back to the way they were.
Dad, I know that you're not just acting this out and you actually want to say this to me and that's just like a way of acting. So, I'm done. Have fun with this.
What? No, but I'm I'm in the middle of the scene. Wait, no.
Collin, don't. No, no. salish, good acting, Dad.
Good job. But, but salish, remember when the teacher returns, he will pick one student at random who will then have to build and launch the rocket. So, every single student needs to understand the assignment.
Sorry, Jordan, but I can't pass you. Why? You didn't connect with your scene partner.
You're right. I was trying to tell her something that I really wanted to say to her, and she saw right through it, and she knew what I was doing, but I don't know. I just Well, I connected with the audience.
Doesn't that count? No. You sabotaged me, Salish.
I really hope that they learned how to do the science experiment because if not, I'm really cooked. Okay. What is happening?
What are you guys doing? This is science. Mr.
Doesn't matter. You did this, bro. Did any of you at least learn how to do this project?
Yes. All right, let's see who can pull this off. Derek.
Um, his didn't explode like all the other ones did. Like everybody else's exploded. His just didn't.
Go ahead, De. And if he can't do it, you don't get the point. All right, Derek.
Remember the pencils, the water bottle, the baking soda, and the napkin. Yeah, don't help him. He's got it.
I was a really good substitute teacher, so everyone in the class learned so much. I said I was a really good teacher, right, guys? Yeah.
This is exactly what I told you was going to happen. He's going to get picked. I know.
But he looks like he knows what he's doing. What if he was actually like learning? Looks like good work, Jared.
Yeah, it really does. All right, done. I'll see you.
If this rocket doesn't go off, then Salish fails the round. It worked. It worked.
It worked. It worked. Wait, wait, wait.
Did it work? Did she get the point? Yeah, it worked.
We learned how to do it. Thank you so much. Okay.
Bye. Did I really lose? All right.
Bye, everybody. Nice teaching you. If I win, I get to open this box.
Yeah. And if I win, I get to open this box. And mine's better.
Mine's better. So, we each have an individualized present. Wait until you see what they are.
They're awesome. Are you ready for another poof? And you're going to be a a nurse.
You're joking. I'm a nurse. Yeah.
I hate all kinds of sicknesses and this is not very cute. You're going to be a Wow. Okay.
You're going to be a student best to take a test for every subject. What? I haven't studied anything.
That's not fair. Okay. Are you joking?
I have to wake up at 7:00 a. m. How do I have any time to study if I'm going to school, then going to soccer, then going to track, then hang out with my friends, then going home?
I don't have any time to study. So now you're going to get a piece of my life. Wow, that was a crash out.
Team Jordan, let's go. Team S. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Say, you're going to be a nurse. Can like wash your hands. Good.
Hi. Hi. How are you?
I'm Rhonda. I'm good. I'm salish.
Tell me your experience. I work with this really cool doctor. His name is Dr Mike.
No. How do you know if he's alive? Also, I have experience because I also pretend sick to skip school.
So, in order to pass this challenge, Salish will need to find out which student is actually sick and needs to go home from school. The rest are all faking it. Jordan, to pass this challenge, you must take a test in every subject this school offers.
You must win a question against the majority of these students in front of you. Do you understand? Yeah, it was a little intense, but yeah.
Okay. First subject, English. What What does this have to do with taking a test?
Grab the cup if you know the answer. This is going to be so easy. I always pretend to be sick, so I know exactly what happens.
Hi. Hi. What's wrong with you?
I just get migraines all the time and after drama class my head started hurting like crazy. Go ahead and sit here please. Can you see anything?
I mean honestly my head just kind of hurts really bad. What class do you have next after this? I have math next.
What's your least favorite class? Math. M.
So your next class is math and your least favorite class is math. So it is a coincidence. You probably just want to skip it.
All right. Okay. You can go sit over there and I'll let you go home maybe soon.
All right. Next patient. My name is Maria and I'm an A+ student in English.
Okay, I'm a little intimidated. First question, spell embarrassment. E M B A R R A S S M E N T.
You are correct. Let's go. Let's go.
What's wrong with you? I just threw up like 5 minutes ago. Ew.
I hate throw up. You never tell a patient you don't like throw up. But that's gross.
What's your next class? Math. What's your favorite class?
Math. Um, you can leave and I'll decide if you can leave school later. Next patient.
Let's see how good you feel about history. Not a big fan of history. Going to be honest.
Okay. My name is Gwendalyn and I do AP US history. Your second question.
Who was the third president of the United States? Thomas Jefferson. You are correct.
Let's go. I saw Hamilton. Come on.
You see Hamilton? So, what's wrong with you? So, I sprained my ankle and then during drama class.
So, like I kind of like overused it. What foot is it? It's my left.
Your left? All right. I don't have a cast anymore.
You had a cast? It was pretty bad. Okay, you can go.
Where you going? Bye. Bye.
Bye. Thank you. She was limping the entire time.
Our third question. Science. I'm Brandon.
I may look like a jock, but I'm an A student in science. The other two are a students, too. And look what happened to them.
What is Einstein's most famous equation? Their time limit equals mc². You are correct.
Yeah. Your fourth question. Let's do it.
Let's go. Math. Oh.
Oh. Oh my goodness. Close your eyes.
What foot um is hurt? My left foot. You're right.
The boot actually looks very used. So maybe you did actually break your foot, but like you just are using that as an excuse to leave. From 1 to 10, what's the pain?
Like a seven. 67. Like a 67.
All right. Thanks. You can leave.
But I can't go home. Not yet. But I hurt.
I don't really know if I believe you. Are you good at math or very good? Like how good?
Good. The best. Like top of your class.
Good. Top of the class. Like top top.
Top. I was like here in that. So my name's Novea and I'm an A+ student.
If I beat her and if Salish loses, I automatically win this whole challenge. Matter cup is mine. A few weeks ago I was playing baseball.
I swung the bat pretty hard and I tore my tendon in my shoulder. That Okay. So you were like that is correct.
Is that her? A little bit. Yeah.
You go ahead and try push-up for me. I just want to see if it hurts. Salish might be laughing because she thinks he's faking it, but if she's wrong, I'm one step closer to winning the matter.
Can you put your sling back on for me? Yeah, I got you. You're struggling.
Well, my shoulder does hurt. So, there we go. Oops.
Forgot about that part. All right. Thanks.
You can go. Your fourth question. A bag has five red marbles, three blue marbles, and two green marbles.
One marble is picked at random. What is the probability that the marble is blue? Wait, could you read that again?
No. Uh uh 23%. You are incorrect.
Oh, 30%. You are correct. How do you do that?
How Who do you think actually is sick and deserves to go home? Well, not him. He didn't know how to put on his sling.
Maybe he looks in pain. But when I said, "What's your favorite subject? " He was like, "Mh.
" I don't think it's him. I think it's one of these two people. I think her boot looks used.
So, I think it's her. Will the real person who's actually sick and deserves to go home, please step forward. Oh, I'm going.
That's why they call me the goat. Go, go, go. Yeah.
Okay, so it's tied. That's correct. Okay, so there's one more.
Where's the other student? I've got a special student for you. Why is that so scary?
Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah.
Okay. This is going to be easy. I got this.
This is going to be a best out of three. Can I just do one and win? No.
So if I beat you two out of three, that means I win this point and we're going to a finals. First subject, geography. Your first question.
What is the state capital of California? Sacramento. Sacramento.
Jordan, you are correct. Let's go. Let's go.
Did you even know it? You would have said Santa Monica. Okay, next subject.
Foreign languages. Oh boy. How do you say cat in Spanish?
Oh wow. You could have said any language. You could have said any language.
Oh, please don't know this. I forgot though. Salish.
You are correct. You grabbed them before you knew which language. You don't speak every language, Salish.
Final round. Let's bring it. I just want to clarify.
If you win this, you win the Matter Cup. You get to open your present. Our final subject, driver's ed.
Okay. You were at an intersection. The traffic light is blinking red.
What does that mean? Go, go, go, go, go. It's like a stop sign.
It's a stop sign. And it plays like a stop sign. Jordan, you are career.
Let's go. Let's go. That was so easy.
Obviously, the stop. Oh my god. I hate this game.
And just like that, we are tied up and it is time for the final round. The team came up with a final challenge and one of us is about to win the Matter Cup from 2025. Salish, you're a security guard.
Oh, okay. What? And Jordan, you can stay as you are.
Let's go. Let's go. That's not fair.
Jordan, you are a student who snuck into the school after hours to steal the matter cup. Oh, okay. Salish, as the security guard, you have 10 minutes to find Jordan or he gets to keep the matter cup.
Let's go. You have a 1 minute head start before Sandy, let's go, dude. I only have 1 minute.
Let's go. Come on, Sandy. I've got an idea.
Four, five, six, seven, eight. The Matter Cup is in the trophy room. I saw it earlier.
Okay. Oh, I'm going to take this cuz I get to keep this. I really need this matter cup.
Like normally I don't like really like need it or want to, you know, but I need it. She's going to come out of that door any second. 59 60.
Let's go. If she leaves the library, she will not come back. Check the tree.
Dude, you're going to get caught. Nope. Any luck?
Nope. Oh, this door's open. This door will open.
Come on. Come on. She went that way.
She went that way. Come on. Closed.
This is outside. Where you go? Okay.
Where are you going? Go to the gym. Go to the gym.
Go away. Oh, wait. Is that you?
No. Let's go up. Oh, so you see the curtains open up automatically and you say, "Let's go up to the curtains.
" That's a good idea. I'm going to get you, whoever you are. Hurry.
Come on. Come on. All right.
Okay. They're not here. This is perfect because she will never look here because she was just in here, right?
She's got a whole school looking there. Come get before we get in the window. Come on.
I'm going to go under this table. Open it. No chance at all.
There's my matter cup and I'm about to win it. I'm going to open the best present ever. I got you.
Wait, Collin. What? My phone.
It's in the library. What if I ring my dad's phone from my phone? Here.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Only one more minute and I will be the 2025 Matter Cup champion. It's right here.
What is What is she doing here? Just ring it. Oh my gosh.
What is going on? They're right there. They're right there.
So, let me just cough. Okay. He's literally in He's literally in here.
He's in the library. We started here. How did he come back?
I don't know. She knows. Got to check my free graphics.
I check under the table. Is he under there? No, I didn't see him.
Go, go, go, go, go. No, no, no, no, no, no. I saw you.
Why did you make so much noise? That is so not fair. I won.
Let's just open your present. Getting over. This is a small victory.
This is what we've been playing for all of 2025 to open this package. I wanted this present so badly. We each get a button and the winner gets to press it whenever they want.
And this is what I would have gotten if I had won. Hug me, Salish. I would have gotten a hug whenever I wanted, but instead I lost.
And now whenever Salish presses her button, she gets this. Dad, please stop talking. I I can't talk when Sorry.
. Dad, please stop talking. All right, thank you guys for watching.
Um, Dad, do you have any stop talking? Cool. Bye, guys.
