[Music] I like to start by making one thing very clear I want you to know that I am absolutely incredibly and totally awesome and now before you start thinking that I have a problem with humility which I don't let me add something important I believe you two are awesome it's not better now but I also believe based on my research that there is no it's me okay but I also believe based on my research that there is an 80% probability that you have no idea how truly magnificent you really are you used to know but
you're forgotten I'm here to show you the science behind how you gradually forget your true self your true potential and how you can rediscover and unleash an even happier and more capable version of yourself the true magnificent you is that cool great so I lecture on this topic right here at Stanford and my work is based on extensive research in neuroscience and psychology I'd like to show you my most important evidence proving that you used to know how amazing you really are would you like to see that evidence well here it is do you think
she knows how magnificent she is absolutely she is radiating with it what about him you know do you think she knows our magnificent he is every strand of his hair now magnificent peers and what about these two I know they know because they are my precious kids Tisa and young the point is this you were born as a unique and magnificent being and you used to know it but what about this one do you think he knows our magnificent he is he actually has no clue he used to know but by the time this picture
is taken he no longer remembers by the way this is me adorable right I told you so why and how did I begin to forget who I really am I was born a happy kid in a troubled household I lived with four siblings and my parents in a two-bedroom apartment in a ghetto my father was scary angry and unpredictably violent my mother was always running around terrified I wasn't getting much love now since my since my life was in my parents hands it has been absolutely terrifying for me to admit that they were flawed so
instead a voice start forming in my head and saying that my parents were perfect and the reason they didn't love me was because I was unworthy of their love I now call this voice the judge of course once the judge started judging me it also had to start judging everybody else around me so that I would be less terrified I grew up completely unaware that this judge character was beginning to take control in my mind I only discovered 27 years later in an MBA class right here at Stanford we were divided into groups of 12
MBA students sitting in a circle sharing our emotions openly one of my classmates in the circle turned to me and said nervously she said this is really hard for me to tell you but I often feel harshly judged by you and it really bothers me I turned to him and said Jehan thank you so much for telling me this this is very helpful feedback in the back of my mind I was thinking well of course you feel judged by me you idiot you are the biggest loser in this group how else do you expect me
to think of you but then a second person a third person and a fourth person in the group said exactly the same thing I kept thanking them politely while thinking what losers blaming me for their insecurities I really I didn't think like that trust me but somehow the fifth person finally got true all of a sudden I realized oh my god they are right I judge everything instantly this judge character in my head was constantly and brutally beating down not only others bought myself it was the invisible character in my head it was the invisible
lens that distorted my reality and that discovery changed my life since this invisible character judge cackling in my head secretly sabotage me I called him a saboteur I later discovered that in addition to the judge saboteur there are nine other saboteurs like the controller stickler and victim even in a perfectly happy childhood you still develop a couple of these saboteurs as coping mechanisms in as a vulnerable kid for example you might because of all control or tendencies to feel safer in a chaotic environment or become the victim to get more attention the problem is that
these saboteurs become the invisible masters in your head just like my judge had they pretend they are you but they aren't you that's how you forget who you really are a war is constantly raging inside your head between your saboteurs and your original true self whom I call your sage these are based on entirely different regions of your brain your saboteurs are based on the survival brain region which is made up mostly of the brainstem limbic system and parts of the left brain your sage is based on the positive intelligence brain which is made up
mostly of the middle prefrontal cortex ACC insular cortex and parts of the right brain here is the fascinating insight and clue to your happiness look at this the survival brain region and its saboteurs are wired our new or chemically wired to feel stress and unhappiness they just can't help themselves if you want to feel consistently happier you must learn to strengthen your sage and weaken your saboteurs it's just a matter of neurochemical science I one of the things that I can guarantee you based on my experience is that you can achieve the all the great
wealth and success in the world and still feel deeply unhappy because of your saboteurs I once ran a leadership development seminar for more than a hundred CEOs and presidents who are all extremely successful and looked perfectly happy on the outside I told them look I have coached to many successful CEOs and billionaires to be still full behind your facade of and Happiness I asked them to anonymously write on an index card one secret they never shared about how they really felt inside with their permission I'd like to read some of those cards I am terrified
of failing as the leader of my business I am rarely at peace with myself I fear dying of an early age from overwork and stress I am feeling very sad and lonely and the antidepressants I'm on don't seem to be helping I battle with constantly ranking and judging everyone around me I have no idea how to truly connect with my only son my air of confidence is false I am self-destructive and I don't know why I don't love myself very much I lack strenght in resisting temptations and desires I often feel like I'm a fraud
I'm worried my materialism is hurting my children I have been abusing drugs and alcohol to deal with stress I wish I could run away for one year just be alone and finally I'm afraid of ending up like my father who is unloved and will die alone this is the story of our lives folks I have worked with people ranging from these CEOs to people on the manufacturing floor without high school diplomas regardless of our level of wealth or success these saboteurs are still there tormenting us I used to think I was particularly broken and screwed
up what a relief to discover that we are all through the fire servitors so who are these saboteurs in my research I have classified the saboteurs based on their motivation for independence acceptance or security and their style of assert earn or avoid this grid shows the gang of nine saboteurs they are controller hyper achiever Restless stickler pleaser hyper vigilant and avoid a victim hyper-rational water caste the characters everyone has the master judge saboteur in addition to at least one from this gang of nine now before you are able to weaken these saboteurs you need to
be able to catch them in your head red-handed imagine that you're in the middle of an important project and have just learned that you've completely failed the midway milestones here is how some of your saboteurs in your head might be talking judge oh I'm a loser just a stupid loser everything will start crashing down now controller but my way is always the right way someone else must have screwed up victim oh they did it to me again just watch that makes lightning will be striking right here how that hurt stickler I knew it that report
cover used the wrong shade of blue avoider oh there's still plenty of time I wonder where I should go for lunch hyper-vigilance that's me tearing my hair out if I still had any and so on with the other five saboteurs now once you catch a saboteur in your mind what you want to do is just label that thought as saboteur and let it go instead of trusting it or pursuing it just notice the difference between me saying I will fail tomorrow versus my pesky judge saboteur says I'll fail tomorrow you feel the difference you weaken
your saboteurs by exposing and labeling them now how would your sage respond in the same exact scenario one of the most brilliant things about your sage is the sage perspective every outcome or circumstance can be turned into an opportunity so you ask how do I turn my failure in this project into an opportunity this perspective changes everything with this perspective you keep your positive intelligence brain activated which gives you five which gives you access to five great sage powers empathize your sage knows that beating yourself down then you're already done it's absolutely insane so you
feel compassion for yourself and others as fallible humans this keeps you energized and positive explore you become the fascinated Explorer kid in the woods turning over every we'll have to see what's underneath it you become fascinated to discover all the factors contributing to your projects failure you discover things you couldn't have seen if you were upset or defensive innovate you become the innovative kid on the beach building sandcastles again since your positive intelligence brain is wired for creativity you're able to take all of these discoveries about your projects failure into creative new solutions for the
project and in the interest of time you then navigate by choosing a direction and move into fearless bold action your stage performs a lot better and remains positive even in the middle of this crisis now you would only be able to perform this way if you have strong sage muscles functional MRI of the brain shows that one technique to build powerful sage muscles is to shift your attention to one physical sensation for 10 seconds a few times every hour a few reps an hour this leads to some surprising recommendations for example if you want to
perform better in your job then really really taste that bite of your crunchy Apple really see the hundred shades of color in your friends eyes or hug your loved one so attentively that you feel her heartbeat this surprising link sounds too good to be true until you study the neuroscience evidence in order to track your progress we can now actually measure the strength of your sage muscles versus your saboteurs based on your emotions in a typical 24 hour period we have defined this ratio as your positive intelligence quotient or peak you independent researchers have now
shown that with increased peak you people are far happier and less stressed they also perform much better for example 40% almost 40% better in sales and 1/3 better in team performance metrics everyone can learn to strengthen their sage muscles with a little practice and finally you can help strengthen the sage in your loved ones unlike my daughter Tisa my son kion loves tickling so I have invented a game with him where I start tickling him and stop only if he gives me all the right answers so I start tickling him and ask hyung why do
I love you so much he has learned to say and he says I don't know that he why do you love me so much I asked is it because you're so handsome now I know it's his mother's genes right you don't have to tell me that and he has learned to say and he says no that it isn't because I am handsome I asked you sit because you get good grades know that it isn't is it because you're good in sports no daddy it isn't so I go down a long list of his great qualities
and he keeps saying no daddy it isn't so at the end I pretend great frustration I say so why is it kion why do I love you so much and he has learned to say and he says that is because I am me that is because I am me he's beautiful true self is sage what about you what would life be like if you fully reclaimed your beautiful true self your sage what would be the gift of that to you to your loved ones to our world what would become possible then you are a 'special
unique and magnificent being it's time for you to remember thank you you
