[Music] [Music] every little thing you think that you need every little thing you think that you need every little thing that's just feeding your greet oh I bet that you be fine without it you're listening to the minimalist podcast with Joshua Fields Milburn and TK Coleman thank you Alabama Nicodemus is in Montana but he'll be in studio with us next week because we're on the everything tour right now we still have three more tour stops we'll be in Fresno and San Diego and San Francisco there's still a few free tickets left to those events theminimalists. com but here in the flesh right now is TK Coleman fresh off a flight from Chattanooga how was that oh such a good time shout out to Ted Allen and chat noua prep for having me come out for their grit speaker series so awesome to see those students I've been a part of Chattanooga prep for some time now watching them when the school first opened so watching the students grow up watching them flourish really awesome to see them and all the hard work they're doing you know you can hire the minimalist to speak at your school or organization or event or conference or nonprofit organization University College whatever it might be theminimalists. com speaking for details you know Chattanooga is the only city or at least it was the first city I assume it's still the only city that has its own type face really yeah when you go to Chattanooga everything is in the Chattanooga type face and it's a beautiful type face put a link there's a great article about this we'll we'll find it we'll put a link to it in the show notes here because what's fascinating is they take Aesthetics seriously Chattanooga is one of my favorite cities it's certainly my favorite City we've never done a tour stop in it's a smaller City I think it's the fifth largest city in Tennessee there's another factoid for you as well it's what Nashville Knoxville Memphis Clarksville and then Chattanooga we got to get out there man yes please give me an excuse to go back to Tennessee we'll do maybe we'll do a Tennessee Tour if we if we get enough patrons who say yes yes yes coming out to Tennessee or let us know in the comments on YouTube as well if you're listening to the public version of the episode speaking of this public version coming up on this free public minimal episode a caller has a question about letting go of memories the bad ones that clutter our minds as well as the good ones that we enjoy remembering and then we've got a lightning round question from a listener who wants to create a beautiful uncluttered home but they are struggling with procrastination that's followed by our right here right now segment and a listener tip for you you can check out the full maximal edition of episode 440 where we answer five times the questions and we dive deep into several simple living segments that private podcast episode is out right now at patreon.
com thee minimalists your support keeps our podcast 100 % advertisement free because sing along at home y'all advertisement suck let's start with our callers if you have a question or comment for our show we'd love to hear from you give us a call 46219 7839 or email a voice recording right from your phone to podcast atthe minimalist. org social worker in Butler County Ohio I suffered a massive stroke in which I lost the ability to speak move read and write obviously I'm speaking with you today so I have improved quite a bit but one Everlasting effect of my stroke is that I was forced to be a minimalist of all of my memories it's like within a matter of seconds a hoarding specialist came into my mind and took my most precious things away against my will I'm calling today because now I'm really struggling with letting go of physical things although I don't think I had this problem before because I had my memories it is now a major issue in my life because the only way that I remember a lot of my memories is if I have a physical item to look at that helps me to remember what I once truly got fulfillment from for example my in-law took me to see my all-time favorite musical in London England however I did not remember that trip at all until I found a ticket stub while cleaning out things it's almost like Jerry 1. 0 had a really hard reset and Jerry 2.
0 now keeps everything to claim some sense of past normaly and control I always hear about minimalists getting rid of things because really the joy doesn't come from the thing but rather the experience but how do I let go of things when they are truly all they have left to show for the first 30 years of my life now that all of my memories are raised thank you so much for any insight shout out to Butler County Ohio I used to live there my family is from Middletown Ohio and so um a lot of my family grew up there I spent a lot of time there Jerry first let me say a few things to you first off I'm really sorry that you're struggling with this I know how difficult it can be to let go it's even more difficult when you feel like you're forced to let go because something was stripped from you but I do want to say congratulations you've sounds like you've improved significantly and you've made significant progress from Jerry 1. 0 to Jerry 2. 0 and you're in this space of uncertainty I might say a a Lial space of variety a new opportunity so I'd like to reframe this with you a little bit and maybe we can help you uncover Jerry 3.
0 there's this thing about memories you heard in our last Netflix film our memories are not in our things our memories are inside us however I also acknowledge that sometimes our things can trigger those memories that are inside us but also I think memories can be a bit of a problem when our identity gets tied up in our memories keep in mind that many of your memories aren't just the good memories of the good old days and how wonderful everything was many memories are traumatic and often letting go of those memories or forgetting those memories is a great way for us to move forward to not continue to cling to the memories allows us the space to live in the present moment so memories become utter when they get in the way of this present moment that's obviously true for bad or traumatic memories from the past we call those nightmares right but I think it's also true sometimes of the good memories when we cling to the good we get dragged back into the past and it removes us from the present moment and so holding on to Memories is fine you're going to have memories there's no question about that but TK maybe you can help me understand understand if I ask you this question here mhm what's wrong with losing your memories I don't want to think about it in terms of what's wrong with it but what's Difficult about it what's tough about it because if you lose your memories that means there's a whole set of conveniences a whole set of luxuries a whole set of awesome experiences that are now taken away from you you are not wrong for being in that condition however that is a challenge with which we can empathize and I would say with respect to things you are illustrating Jerry one of the positive roles that things play in our culture because I don't believe in an anti- thing philosophy things are awesome things are beautiful but anything no matter how beautiful it is can become ugly when you use it for some sort of unhealthy or unintended purpose and so you're giving an example of all the beauty that can come from things when you can look at a ticket stop and that can take you on an emotional journey to something that was really meaningful for you you don't have to throw that ticket stub away for anyone you have the right to hold on to that and just because it's clutter for someone else who does have the ability to say hey that concert that I went to that amusement park that I went to to that beautiful play that I went to that circus that Festival that I went to it lives inside of me not in this ticket well for you it still lives inside of you but the ticket is necessary for the recall and though it's clutter to someone else it doesn't have to be clutter for you I think the real question here is not about the pass because you have the right to hold on to all the things you currently own if they serve that purpose for you I think the real question is about the future given that this is my new reality how do I use things to my advantage going forward to capture memories in a way that doesn't become clutter because if you don't have a standard then going forward you're going to have a need that you didn't have in the past and that is to hang on to everything for the purpose of this recall experience that you need and so pragmatically I would consider things like journaling audio journaling uh something along those lines of of capturing and documenting experiences that don't require you to collect everything um what are some digital ways you can do it or or how can you make use of writing and and when people journal and they go back and they read what they wrote it's really cool because it's it's more powerful than a picture because you can remember the things that you're writing about in a in a way that a picture can do for you but you also get to see what mood you were in what state of mind you were in and there's something that's deeper there so I would encourage looking into some new practices that allow you to collect these memor memor or these memory triggers in more efficient ways in the minimalist second book everything that remains was a chapter about dealing with my mother's sentimental items and eventually I made the decision to get rid of the vast majority of them almost all of them but I did take photos of many of the things especially the really big things that it wouldn't have made sense to hold on to and simply shove in a storage locker and then pay money why to go access those things so they could trigger the memories inside me and so I took photos of them and I still have access to those photos if I ever want to go back and and look at them however I very rarely it's been many years since I've gone and looked at any of those photos in fact the last time I looked at them is when we were making our last Netflix film I was going through my archives for films or for photos for the film itself and had we not been going through that exercise I don't know that I would have went through those at all there's the peace of mind though of knowing that oh yes I can go back and look at those if I want and I think that's why we often hold on to the physical things it's just in case I might want access to it right and that's less of a problem with the digital side of it because I've taken a picture and it doesn't take up all that space in my life as long as it's not taking up space in my mind and so when I'm talking about memory clutter TK I've realized that Letting Go has become a a superpower of mine with respect to stuff but also letting go in all of these other areas letting go of my former career letting go of these bits of my identity the ego the false self one one might call it but also letting go of relationships or letting go of the way that things were letting go of the way I wish things were as well these are all different types of Letting Go and along the path I've realized something that I didn't intend I let go of many of my memories not in a way that I did it even intentionally but what happened is as I stopped clinging to the past and the way things were into the material POS possessions as I stop clinging to certain toxic relationships or careers or projects as I stop clinging I also stop clinging to the memories from the past and one might say oh but you so your memory isn't as good now no it's not as robust that's for sure because I haven't held on to many of the memories and in a weird way that's been really freeing for me because when I'm truly living in the moment when I experience this light of peace and joy in the moment for me it's never grounded in the past it's always grounded in the right here right now and whenever the past comes creeping in especially those traumatic memories it ruins that that peace that I'm experiencing but I can also make an argument that quite often that Nostalgia can ruin the Peace of the moment as well what do you have to say about that Nostalgia ruining the the piece of the moment yeah have you experienced that happening before absolutely I have yes and and so what happens is I get thought clutter then memory clutter becomes thought clutter and this experience I'm having walking down the street with my daughter through the Nature Preserve with my wife and all of a sudden I'm thinking about this good experience from the past a great meal that I ate or a wonderful trip that I had or this uh great podcast that we recorded things from the past now all of a sudden I'm not there witnessing and experiencing what's going on right there in front of me yeah it's like the TV shows where someone's talking to you about something that's really heartfelt and they're just pouring their heart out to you and you're daydreaming about something you're completely lost in a fantasy your body's there but your mind is gone and uh and they say yeah so what do you think of that and you go huh what oh you weren't even there physically you were but not mentally and there's also what we could call reverse Nostalgia which is so much of today's preoccupation with documenting everything right we're taking a walk we're having a great conversation but I got to get everything in the form of a picture because hey man picture didn't happen or I want to be able to look back on it and enjoy it and just like Nostalgia there's nothing wrong with looking back on the past and saying oh this place reminds me of the good old days that's good when I go to this football field you know at my high school that I haven't been to in 20 years it makes me think of that time I ran for that touchdown and I had that moment oh it just feels so awesome that's cool nothing's wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with saying let me take a picture of this moment because in 10 years I want to be able to relive it but it's when you find yourself saying hey I just took a vacation I just took a nice walk I just spent an hour with someone that I loved and I don't even remember what the conversation was about I don't I wasn't there I wasn't present and isn't it the funny thing when you're at school and they're taking attendance what do we say here present but are we really in a way I am here and acknowledging that I am here doesn't require the memories of the past now I'm not saying memories are bad I'm not saying they're good either I'm saying that clinging to them will drag us out of that present moment Jerry I'd love to send you a copy of TK Coleman's first book it's called emotional clutter because you're dealing with quite a bit of emotional clutter amidst this memory clutter that's going on as well and so to find Jerry 3. 0 you can download the emotional clutter book it's free over on our website if you go to theminimalists. com emotional clutter we'll put a link to that in the show notes as well or Jerry if you'd prefer to listen to the audiobook version of emotional clutter TK and I recorded it together and we had these conversations between each chapter and I really enjoyed that because we broke down these different aspects of the Clutter that clutters up our emotions theminimalists.
com emotional clutter you can download that for free malama what time is it you know what time it is it's time for the lightning round where we answer your questions from patreon yes indeed we'll get back to our callers here in a bit now during the lightning round we each have 60 seconds to answer your question with a short sharable less than 140 character response so you can copy and share our py answers on social media or you can text your grandma or your son or your daughter or whoever you want with these minimal maximums you can find all of our minimal maximums in the show notes as well at theminimalists. com podcast and we'll email those show notes to you each week we'll never send you spam or junk or advertisements but if you're on our email newsletter list over at theminimalists. com 6 7 10 minimal maximums py little phrases aphorisms from the minimalist that we'll share with you each week and they're also all collected on one website minimal maxim.
com it just presents you one Maxum at a time so you can refresh your screen it gets something pithy every single time you open your web browser Alabama Lee has a question for us I aspire to have a beautiful uncluttered home like the spaces I see in your patreon home tours I tell tell myself I will someday but how do I make someday today TK I really enjoy the patreon home tours because these are real people's houses it's not like architectural digest going into a home and sprucing it up just right adding the right accessories just for the photo shoot these are real people in real homes and some of them I see and I'm like oh that maybe that's not technically minimalist and I'm like well who cares it's a simple space that works for that person and other people say wow that's even way more minimalist than my home wow okay maybe now I need to reconsider what's going on in my own home as well so Lee's question about aspiring to have a beautiful uncluttered home like those home tours that we see over on patreon each week but he keeps telling himself or she he or she keeps telling themselves that you know what I'm going to make that happen someday but then someday never arrives you have something py for Lee yeah I would say if you want to start tomorrow try to do it all but if you want to start today give yourself permission to start small some of my most valuable friends are people who knew how to talk me into being more casual we need friends that can motivate us and encourage us to be more intense but we also need friends who can encourage us to be more light-hearted and not make a big deal out of things sometimes you need to approach life with the attitude of saying Hey what if this is the one thing that changes everything what if this is your last day day on Earth or your last opportunity to ever get after it what if this is your defining moment but you also need those moments where you say Hey what if this is no big deal what if I get as many tries as I want what if I try and I fail and no one even cares and I think this is one of those areas where you can afford to be and benefit from being a little more casual about it this doesn't have to be something that succeeds this doesn't have to be something that you can achieve in a day this doesn't have to be something something that's perfect and permanent such that when you do it you can never alter it you can say hey what's one small really easy step forward I can take what's one little thing that's nagging me that I want to change this week it'll be my goal just to change that no step is too small to take if you're actually going to take it and it's a step that you want to take yesterday when you and I were talking about this you said that moderation is the enemy of procrastination that's right and I like that because that was my Approach into minimalism it took me eight months to radically simplify my life I started small I did a 30-day experiment where I got rid of one item a day each day for 30 days eventually that turned into the 30-day minimalism game because I realized even for me that wasn't radical enough if the average household has hundreds of thousands of items in it 30 items isn't really going to put much of a dent in it but what it does do is it shows you that it's possible to let go letting go of something of anything thing is a great place to start hence the 30-day minimalism game where it's like okay I'm going to get rid of one thing today two things tomorrow three things the next day and you start to ramp up by day 15 it's like oh my gosh I have to get rid of 15 items today and tomorrow I have to get rid of 16 items and you start questioning all of the things that you previously thought were necessary or essential and you realize that not only are they non-essential but they don't add any real measurable value to my life in fact they might be getting in the way and if they're getting in the way what are they they are simply clutter and so if I were to pin what you just said about the moderation is the enemy of procrastination I would always tell myself don't let your crastination turn pro I'm a amateur procrastinator right but when you don't take any action ever you become a professional procrastinator you've let your procrastination turn pro and so I like what you had to say there to start today you'll start small now of course you can do something radical like Nicodemus did with his packing party you don't have to start small but if you feel like you're stuck starting small is better than not starting at all I didn't mean for that to rhyme but it did Alabama so here's let me give you something piffy here someday does not exist it is merely a trick the Mind plays to avoid the present moment this is coming up again our last question we were talking about how the past can pull you out of the present moment but you know what else can pull you out of the present moment the future focusing on the future I'll get to that someday but of course someday is not a day of the week it's a lie the past does not exist the future does not exist except in your mind which exists right now in the present moment and if it's existing in the present moment getting in the way of your piece of the present moment then of course it is clutter so Lee you can certainly start with something like the 30-day minimalism game theminimalists. com game you can download the free calendar there you partner up with a friend a family member maybe you find someone who's a bit more structured or rigid rigid in their life you find your jfm and like Nicodemus did with me you know Nicodemus is super Wiggly I'm rather rigid or structured is the way that I would put it and when you partner up two people like that you get this really interesting combination of wiggliness and of structure if all of your friends are like Kobe Bryan it's going to drive you crazy because they're always going to try to get you to improve and be your best self and more more more more where's the time for relaxing but if all of your friends are like um the dude then all of a sudden the Dude abides all of a sudden you don't get anything done but you have a little bit of Kobe and a little bit of the dude in your life you have a little bit of Nicodemus and a little bit of jfm in your life you know what happens you're able to be structured enough that things happen but you're able to be fluid enough or Wiggly enough that you're able to en enjoy the process along the way any last words on that TK yeah I I think the question is not how can I motivate myself to do things that I can't do it's how can I give myself permission to choose things that are actually doable When someone tells me I can't do that my response is I believe you because whatever way you've set it up in your mind it's been constructed in a manner that simply can't be done so how can we find a way to reconstruct it downsize it simplify it and transform it into something that you can currently do because you achieve the ability to do what you can't do by starting with things that you can do and letting the momentum build up over time Lee when I'm struggling or when I'm stuck there are three things that I say to myself and I say it in threes maybe it's the OCD in me or maybe it's just an incantation but it's three words I say three times Let it go Let it go Let it go I feel an R&B chorus coming on you're Iden Manel like perking up somewhere let it go let it go let it go we're just getting started y'all we've got a profusion of callers to talk to on the private podcast but first real quick for right here right now here's one thing that's going on in the life of the minimalist we have three new series from the minimalist we just announced this over on patreon the first one is called Thursday conversations with TK this is season one of that starting in April TK Coleman will host weekly video conversations with some of the most interesting people that he'd like you to meet like it's like eavesdropping on a FaceTime call between two Fascinating People can't wait for yall to hear that the there'll be one this Thursday over on patreon also this series we've been working on since last year with malab and Professor Shawn and directed by Danny unknown it's called fragments season one of fragments it's six episodes coming the spring it's an artistic video series it's directed by Danny unknown and starring me and TK and Ryan Nicodemus and it's going to explore several different manifestations of internal clutter from the unforeseen problems caused by chronic discontent to the trappings of success and identity it's this beautiful artistic video series you can check that out on patreon coming this spring for Audio Plus subscribers and one more thing I was driving to dinner or maybe it was lunch with malab one day we're just going to have a conversation about a few things work related and she goes hey can I play something for you I said sure and she gets her phone out and she plays the most beautiful meditation I'd ever heard now we know that Bama has the most Angelic voice on this side of the Mississippi the side of Heavens y'all are too nice and so coming later this year gracing your headphones later this year minimalist meditations with malab SE season one the most beautiful voice in the podcast Universe our very own malab will help declutter your mind with her monthly minimalist meditations these audio episodes will be designed to be replayed as frequently as You' like so you can start a daily practice of living with less stuff in your head so three different series from the minimalist obviously our main focus is still the minimalist podcast but uh we wanted to give those to you so you can support us on patreon oh by the way I had one other thing that was going on in the life of the minimal speaking of patreon we just enabled something over there called Community chats you know we left social media recently and we're taking a break from social media for a year but we started this thing over there on patreon and I think this is what social media was supposed to be it's a respectful loving discussion amongst a supportive community and uh so over on our patreon it's Community chat you go into the app and you can interact with our other thousands of other patrons having a problem with letting go of something great no problem other people can help the minimalist can interact with you over there as well and so we're starting different chats different discussions over there and it's super informal it's like having a a group text with several thousand other aspiring minimalists it's a patreon. com thee minimalist you can check that out it's called the new patreon community chats we got a bunch more to talk about but Mal abama what else you got for us here's a minimalist Insight from one of our listeners hi this is hope from Colorado and I was just calling in and I just wanted to make a suggestion of you know I made a capsule wardrobe with quick dry clothing it combined my need for active wear and everyday clothing all the colors look nice together while also serving a purpose I chose the classic hiking layering system and chose colors I love I also used posh Mark to buy the items at Fantastic prices you don't have to wear black every day to have a functional wardrobe with items that last hope thank you so much for that helpful comment for anyone else who has a listener tip or insight about this episode or any other episode leave a comment on patreon or YouTube or better yet send a voice memo to podcastthe minimalist.
org so we can feature your voice on the show all right that's the first 25% of episode 440 we'll see you on patreon for the full maximal edition which includes answers to a bunch more questions like what's the best way to let go of possessions if I don't want to throw them away how do I replace some of the things I've let go of with more minimalist options what's the best way to stop reorganizing my clutter and simply get rid of it plus a million more questions and simple living segments over on the minimalist private podcast including my all-time favorite sucky advertisement we also have an outstanding home tour from one of our listeners this week visit patreon.
